A/N: Just a brief note here. Going over the chapters I noticed that a very important one was missing and I have since corrected that. The chapter titled Breathe-Chapter 14 Into Me has been uploaded and if you have not read it before I suggest you go back and check it out. This is Eric's perspective and reaction to his apology for Kat and the aftermath of all that. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Chapter 19 - Dazed and Confused

Kat

This bed feels amazing.

The giddy thought floats in my mind in the quiet that the night brings to the clinic. There's the occasional moan or groan from one of the other initiates that are staying overnight like Tris and I are, though there aren't many of those. There is a Dauntless-born girl that Lynn put in the clinic during their match and a couple of the guys that had each other as opponents and went until they both fell unconscious.

I don't know about the others but I'm floating like a cloud right now after getting the meds I allowed myself to be talked into.

They were supposed to be just some more of the healing stimulant, some light anti-inflammatory, and a sleep med. I had a strong suspicion as Shauna kept adding syringes filled with one med or another for her to push into the temporary IV in my arm, that she was adding much more than just what I agreed to.

I could have argued and almost did but I remembered how upset Tris got when I kept refusing. How she even pushed her own meds away and said if I was refusing mine then she would too. So of course, there was no way I was going to let her do that.

Then there was the visit from Zach, who brought us both dinner. Tris had been resting again by the time he showed up and barely ate a few bites before she needed to rest again. She was worse off than me and Shauna said that's normal but I was still worried.

Zach kept me company while I ate, chatting with me about simple things. He was always willing to talk about his work and what he did with Candor. It was a surprise to me when I found out he actually transferred in from Candor the year before Eric and Chase came along. It was an even bigger surprise to learn that Chase was from there too.

I hadn't been able to hold my shouted exclamation, stammering out 'but you two are so nice'. This highly amused both of them.

Work chat turned to chat about training and that turned into my fight and injuries. Ultimately, after Zach had looked at me with what I can only call puppy dog eyes and mentioning that Eric and Chase were worried sick about me being in pain and not allowing myself to be treated, I gave in and agreed to a few of them and something for sleep.

He left just as dinner was ending and the other's came by to see us. It got really loud and chaotic for a while as our two beds were surrounded by our respective friends. Shauna had to kick everyone out well before lights out was going to be called and now it's just us and a few nurses in this section of the clinic.

"How you doing, Kat?" Shauna asks from beside me. She's still working on getting the last few syringes emptied into me.

"Fanntastic," I reply and giggle a little causing her to chuckle. "You put happy juice in there didn't you, Mis Shauna."

"I guess you could call it that. It certainly makes me happy to not see you in pain when there's no reason to be." She says with a wry grin and slowly eases the plunger of the next syringe so that the meds go through the short little tube into the vein.

"Makes me happy too," Tris mumbles from her bed. She's not out yet but since she got her meds first I'm sure that's going to be soon.

I'm too floaty and spaced out to feel what I might normally feel at all of that. Guilt for making everyone so upset. Anger that I was forced into getting it to make others happy. Panic at the fact that my body is completely out of my control right now.

All I can manage in response is a weak sarcastic "Yay me,"

I don't get a response back from either Shauna or Tris but I don't care. This cloud is way too comfortable and I snuggle into it before it floats away from me.

I wake up to the sound and feel of my wristwatch alarm doing its buzzing, beeping thing. I don't know if I'm as thankful right now for the feature I had been so happy about when I bought it. I slide a hand down my wrist and feel for the button that will stop both those annoying things then let my hand flop back onto the bed beside me.

I feel like I've been run over by a train right now. Even with the stuff that can accelerate our healing process, I was warned that I would feel like complete and utter shit for the next several days.

The masochist in me is whispering that this is exactly what I need so that it will serve as a reminder of my failure. Oddly enough, the pain also helps some with the guilt. It's this weird compensation that helps soothe my guilty conscious because I know I'm punishing myself. So every wince, twinge, ache, throb, and twist of pain is my just punishment. A physical reminder and incentive to never let it happen again.

It takes a while, but I work up the motivation and the steam to get moving. Today there is no group training. I was informed by Zach during his visit that all the initiates, both Dauntless-born, and transfer, will be going on some field trip today. There might be no group training but I'm still determined to follow my routine and do my own.

The act of sitting up in bed causes me to groan and gasp for breath when the pain hits but I finally manage to make it up. I look around me, taking in everything that I can make out through the dim lights and with one swollen eye.

It seems like everyone, including my sister, is still asleep with how quiet it is in here. I shift my feet and start to pull them towards my body so I can swing them over the side but I feel a weight on them I hadn't noticed before. I squint to see what the lump at the end of my bed is and find it's a pile of folded clothes with my shoes beside it.

I reach forward and drag them closer to me, my hand closing around a note that was on top of the pile. I put that aside for the moment to take stock of what I now have to wear and frown slightly when I see it isn't exactly something I would work out in.

The clothes look new and aren't ones that I had gotten for myself or that my friends gave to me when I got here. However, the simple t-shirt and sweatpants look more in line with something Mar called lounging clothes and pointed out ones like this for me to get but that I passed on so I could conserve my points.

Shauna was the one to take my clothes when she ordered me to get in this damn hospital gown. Maybe she got Lynn to bring me something?

I look over at Tris' bed and search to see if there are for clothes for her too. I don't see any on her bed or on the chair that's between us. I seriously doubt any of my friends would bring me something and forget about my sister. They might not have known her for as long, so aren't as close as we are, but they seem to have fully accepted her into the group. Besides that, I know that at least Mar would have had the thought that it would hurt Tris' feelings and upset me if they did that. So these can't be from my friends.

Remembering the paper, I find it again and look to see what it might tell me.

'Don't think you're getting out of what's expected this morning. Dauntless-born training room. If you want coffee, be on time.'

There's no name but there doesn't need to be. The way it's worded is exactly what I would expect of Eric. I don't know what to feel about the note. Words on a page don't tell me what he might be thinking or if he's still as angry as he was when I saw him stalking from the clinic last night or worse if he's like he was just after my fight.

I wasn't lying when I told him that I was scared. Looking back on it now, I don't know if the fear was of him or having failed him so badly. There is a small part of me that has that fear even now. Enough that I spend a few seconds contemplating staying right here even knowing that would likely make things worse because he would know.

I sigh and gingerly get off the bed, pulling my clothes with me and making my way to the bathroom. A nurse appears from nowhere it seems and tries to force me back into bed until I tell her that I was given specific orders to be there for my morning punishment with Eric.

Then I asked her if she would like to be the one to tell him why I wasn't there. Needless to say, she had the IV from my arm and scooted me to the bathroom to get dressed in seconds after that. Thankfully completely forgetting that she had just been insisting on doing an examination to make sure I could be released. I didn't want to risk her finding anything to keep me here and that meant keeping my mouth shut about whatever pain I'm in.

Moving around still hurts but I manage and it gets a bit easier after I get started. So by the time I've made it back over to where my sister is still sleeping I'm fairly certain I'll manage not passing out for now.

I wish I didn't have to wake her, that she could stay here and let her body heal, but I know that's not possible. Even though we aren't going to be doing any training, neither of us can afford to miss out on any part of our initiation. Too many people are looking to use anything to take us out of the running.

Sighing wearily I reach out and gently shake my Tris awake. She starts groaning before her eyes are even open, sounding exactly like I did when I woke up.

"Hrnn," She moans and finally cracks her eyes open. When they focus on me the moan turns into a drawn-out groan. "Oh god, Kat. It wasn't all a dream."

"I'm afraid not, sis. We look quite the pair right now." I reply with a chuckle and shaking my head ruefully.

"I can't imagine what everyone is going to say if I look anywhere near as bad as you. You're all black and purple, Kat. Maybe they will just think we have the plague or something." She's still laying there while I pulled up the chair between our beds and scoot closer, knowing it was going to take a bit for her to be able to even sit up.

She reaches out a hand, trying to gently probe the side of my face with the black eye and swollen cheekbone. I think her sight might be as off as mine because all she ends up doing is jabbing a finger in my eye.

"Fuck!" I hiss and bat her hand away then cover that eye protectively. "Damn, Tris. I know you were pissed about yesterday and all, but you don't have to add to the damage."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Kat." She gasps out as she sits up really quickly.

I reach out to steady her when she looks like she's going to pass out. "Telling jokes and now cussing, sis?" I shake my head and give a mock chiding noise. "I guess the way to get you to loosen you up is to beat the shit out of you and dope you up."

She pauses in trying to reach out again and check if she really did do more damage then playfully scowls at me. "Hey! I'm funny. I make jokes all the times. It's not my fault that most people don't get sarcasm."

"Maybe you need to actually say these supposed jokes and witty comments out loud instead just in your head," I reply with a smirk and settle back in my chair.

"I'll take that under advisement," Tris just sniffs haughtily, with her lips twitching as she tries to get into a better position sitting up. She bites her lip and grimaces then groans. "Today is going to suck even if we aren't training or fighting."

I nod and debate telling her that I can't get out of what's in store for me no matter how I feel. I'm not going to be able to leave without saying something though. "Yeah, it's not going to be a fun day for either of us. We don't have to meet the group until 0800 but I have to report to the training room to serve my time. You should get up and start moving around now. It will suck and it's definitely gonna hurt, but I've already started to feel a bit better now that I've gotten moving."

I expected her to say something or be angry about me having to report to Eric when I'm hurting like I am right now, but she just sits there looking at me for a few uncomfortable seconds and sighs with a nod.

"I think I'm going to take a shower. That will probably help me feel a little better."

I nod but then a thought strikes me when I think of her going back to the dorm at all much less to shower when I'm not there. "Not in the dorm, Tris," I say forcefully and grip her hand. "The bathroom I got changed in here has a shower stall in it. Ask the nurse if you can use that. I'll go get some clothes for you from the dorm and bring them back here."

"You're worried about Peter?" It's half statement and half question, and I can only nod in response. She sighs and squeezes my hand a little. "Can you tell me now what that was all about yesterday?" I pull my hand back and drop them into my lap, looking down at them before I give a small nod. "I didn't hear most of it, I was too far away, but I heard him yelling at you not to talk about his mom."

"I shouldn't have said what I did to him. Not about his mom, anyway." I sigh miserably and frown. "Even if it's true…"

"What's true? Do you know anything about his parents or him? Christina wouldn't tell me anything. Molly kept giving her a look and I even saw her saying something to her before their fight. I get this feeling it was warning her not to talk."

I screw my face up and process this new information. Was that part of why Christina tried to back out of her fight? I shake my head because that doesn't make sense, instead, I focus on answering my sisters' questions.

"I don't know for sure if any of it is actually true, but I have a really strong feeling it is."

It isn't easy admitting any of it to my sister but I did. I told her that there was always something about Peter that I couldn't put my finger on. He reminded me of something or someone.

Of course, now I know exactly who he reminds me of but I can't say that to Tris. I can't tell her that he reminds me of a young, angry, and lost Tobias Eaton.

But I can remind her of all the cases of women we encountered among the factionless that had a spouse that was less than kind to them or their children. Those ones that we knew were outright abusive or even the ones that we know might never hurt them physically but were abused just the same by what they would say or do to them.

Then I told her about what and why I think of Peter's mom. That she's treated to the same but also that she was most likely from Abnegation. It's hard to put into words why I came to this conclusion when I know so very little about Peter Hayes. I think the biggest part comes from his reaction to us when we got on the train. For a second when Tris had been struggling to get on and I helped her up, there had been a flash of worry in his eyes before they became angry at our presence on the train. At the time, I had forgotten all about that small amount of concern in them and just focused on the negative interaction.

My old faction does not exactly encourage young girls to be strong, outspoken or even empowered at all. Tris and I are like we are because of our mom's influence. We both had issues making friends with the other kids our age, both girls and boys, because of the fact that we weren't the meek, subservient girls that seemed to surround us. I can imagine that Peter's mom was much the same before she transferred. My guess is that she remained that way and never stood up for herself or her son.

"I was already feeling bad about what I did but I think that makes me feel even worse," Tris admits.

" You don't have anything feel guilty about here, Tris. You waited until the very last second to use the knowledge you had, it was the only way you were going to stop him from hurting you more." I take a big breath and continue on. "But, the only excuse I have for saying what I did was because I was scared and pissed off, imagining what he was going to do to you. I thought I could take him down a peg or two but really I just made it worse for you, and I'm sorry Tris."

I look down in shame and feel her hand gripping mine tightly. I look back up to find her looking at me intently. "If I'm not allowed to feel guilty for defending myself then you aren't allowed to either."

I smile weakly, knowing that we're secretly going to be feeling it regardless.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the nurse lurking near and looking at me with a panicked expression that I can't figure out. Then I remember I made such a big deal about using Eric's name and how I'm supposed to report to him.

She makes her way over to us to check on Tris and see if she's fit to leave the clinic. I remind Tris about showering there and mention I'll get her some clothes but at the mention of that, the nurse tells us both they have extra scrubs there that she can wear until she can get new clothes. I take the hint that the nurse doesn't want there to be anything that can be blamed on her for delaying me.

"Go. I'll be fine." Tris waves me away when I still look hesitant.

Ultimately, I know I've probably already taken way too long and left her there, relieved that she will at least wait a bit until she knows there will be others awake in the dorm before returning.

I was wrong about it getting easier to move the more I did it. It's fucking torture and I know it's taking me entirely too long to get to the Dauntless-born training room. In fact, I know it's taking me forever because before I can even get halfway there I run into Chase and Zach making their way towards me.

Chase sighs when he sees me shuffling along, his face screwed up like he's the one that feels like an elephant kicked him in the ribs. Zach just smiles at me. I'm sure he's trying to make it look encouraging, but I can tell by the way his lips are thinned that he's not liking what he sees either. Still, he tries.

"You're already looking better, Kat." He says this as the two of them stop right in front of me.

Chase shoots a glare at him while also snorting in denial. Which makes Zach glare right back at him, then he reaches out and slaps his friend on the back of his head.

"What? You want me to lie to her? Sorry, that's not going to happen. She needs to be prepared for how he's going to react. And Kat, he's going to flip when he finally sees you."

I groan and bite my lower lip which is a mistake since it's still split and bruised. "I hoped that sleep would have helped him not be so pissed."

Chase grunts and looks over at me before he motions with his head so that we start walking again. "I'm not sure that it would've helped even if we had slept."

I don't think he means to say this out loud where I can hear it. As it is, it's barely more than him muttering it but as soon as he says it I look between the two men that have me in between them and notice for the first time the pinched expression and dark circles under their eyes.

I couldn't understand what would keep all three of them up but it most likely had nothing to do with me.

How could it? I mean, yeah, I messed up and got hurt, but I was fine. I was in the clinic and didn't even fight against the meds they wanted to give me. So what could keep these guys up all night and looking so weighed down as they do?

A wave of dizziness sweeps over me when my foot catches on a big chunk of the uneven ground and I almost lose my footing completely. Chase reaches out to wrap an arm around my waist and helps to steady me. I assure them I'm fine and start walking again with Chase still close and his arm around me. I think I hear Zach muttering something like ' bad idea ' but I'm not sure because I'm still trying to concentrate on breathing evenly without taking too big of a breath and making my ribs hurt. I do notice after a few seconds that Chase has his hands shoved into his pockets and is looking fairly miserable from lack of sleep.

"Did you taking anything this morning, Kat?" Zach asks when the training room is finally in sight.

"No. I think the only reason the nurse let me leave at all was that I told her I had to report to Eric for my punishment. Once I mentioned his name she couldn't get me out of there fast enough. I might have overdone the whole intimidation act I was going for."

"I guess it's a good thing we thought ahead and got some stuff for you then. Once we get back to the apartment you can shower there since you aren't going back to the dorm."

Those were both orders coming from Chase. Part of me wanted to bristle at them. A larger part of me could only focus on where he mentioned me getting to take a shower.

When Tris had mentioned it, I realized how badly I wanted one as well. Shauna had only been able to do a light cleaning up around the areas she needed to treat so I'm still grimy from the day's workout and fight.

I could accept getting to take a shower there but I'm going reserve my argument about the meds until I find out what it is they're going to try and cram down my throat.

"Hmmm. A shower does sound excellent." I murmur my agreement when I can tell they're waiting for some kind of response from me. Then I remember something else that would be just as heavenly as being clean. "Hey!" I look first at Chase then at Zach, checking their hands and confirming they are indeed empty as I scowl. "I was promised coffee."

"Isn't that cute," His drawling voice seems to come from nowhere as we enter the training room. "You actually think you're going to be getting anything after the shit you pulled yesterday?"

I turn my head to see Eric had been leaning against the wall to the side of the doors and I hadn't seen him as we entered. I don't need to see his expression to know that it carries anger in it. I can hear it clearly in his tone.

He casually pushes away from the wall and starts walking towards me. Once he gets close enough for me to see him clearly, I can see that anger is also combined with worry as he looks me over.

I vaguely feel Zach and Chase moving away but can't bring myself to take my eyes off Eric as he closes the distance between us.

In books and movies, they have these moments written between lovers where the world seems to melt away from them. Mar gushes about them all the time. Going on about one movie or another that has them. They always made me laugh and wonder if things that happen in real life and how it would feel.

They're real. I'm living my own moment right now .

It starts with the air feeling like it's being sucked out of my lungs. The lights go fuzzy while the people and things around me become just smudges in the dark, there but not at the same time. It sounds like I'm in a tunnel with only the beat of my heart thudding in my ears. It's like I'm in the in the eye of the storm where everything outside is chaos. The center is him and all those other senses that are muted or put on hold revolve around him.

Another wave of dizziness and being breathless hits me but this time it's all because of Eric. I stumble a little even though I'm standing still. He reaches out to steady me, though, his touch does anything but steady me as he pulls me close to his body with one arm around my waist. His free hand slides along my jaw until he has my face cradled in it. I gasp to get air back in my lungs, while my hands grip the edges of his open vest for the stability my knees feel like they are suddenly very lacking.

"You're having trouble breathing." He states as he tilts my head back to look up. His lips are thinning by the second as he gets a better look at me.

"I'm...I'm fine," I softly answer the question and try to pull away from his hold on my face to look away, feeling overcome with how disgusting I must look right now.

"You are not fine," He hisses angrily. His hold becoming firm to prevent me from looking away. " This …" He moves his hand to brush the back of his fingers gently over the battered areas of my face while shaking his head, the heat from his skin is the only thing I feel because he never actually makes contact with me. "Is not even close to being fine."

"It may have started out as an excuse but I'm making it official. You will report here every morning where we will work on your focus. This morning, you have a pass. We won't be training today but do not think this means I'll go light on you when we start up again. If you ever allow yourself to get hurt like this again, I will not be so kind and I will make what happened to you look like love taps. You will never do that to me again, Kat. Do you understand?"

He never raised his voice once, it was all soft but cold and hard, edged with anger. I don't doubt he means every single word.

I swallow hard and swipe my tongue over my lips nervously as I nod. "Yes, Eric."

Something in his eyes changes and, if possible, they go even more intense as they seem to focus on my lips. Then I feel the odd sensation of the pad of his thumb ghosting over where seconds ago my tongue moved across my lips. I wonder if I'm imagining him breathing just a bit harder or how his nostrils flared out as he inhales deeply.

I know for a fact that I am not imagining my own reaction to the simple touch. The pain of my split lip doesn't stop the tingles from his touch. Any pain I was having with breathing seems to melt away as it picks up along with the racing of my heart. I feel a flush that lets me know I'm blushing but instead of just on my face it feels like its spread all over my body, along with electric jolts of warmth and a building knot of tension in a place that has my eyes widening.

My head feels fuzzy and dazed, so maybe that's why it feels like we're moving even closer to each other. Whatever that moment may or may not have been is abruptly interrupted as a throat is cleared from somewhere nearby us.

Eric blinks a few times while still looking at me then his eyes snap to the guys standing behind me with a glare. No words are spoken but I know something is being silently communicated between them, ending with Eric nodding and stepping back, releasing his hold on me.

"We need to head to the apartment. Zach and you will go on ahead, I won't be far behind."

He was already backing away from me by the time I came back to my senses and managed a nod. Frowning, feeling way to dazed and out of sorts, I made my way to Zach where he stood waiting by the door for me.

Progress to the apartment comes in spurts as I try to push myself to go faster, only to end up leaning against the wall and gasping for breath a little. I hear what sounds like grumbling or growls coming from behind us, where I know Eric and Chase are following along, and I just assume they're impatient for the delay. So I shove myself away from the wall and try to do a fast walk.

"You know, it's not a weakness to take time to recover or ask for help, Kat. We've all been where you are right now."

I sigh, giving up and lean against the wall for a second and look at Zach. He's trying to hide his frustration at me but not doing as good of a job keeping it from his expression as he did his tone.

"I don't think it's a weakness." For anyone else, that is. "That's not why I have a hard time with it."

Zach nods but his expression changes to something I don't understand before he looks behind us then coming closer. "We can't talk about it here. Eric will lose his shit if he hears you talking about this again. But you do need to talk to someone about whatever makes you think you deserve the shit you're doing to yourself, Kat."

Chase and Eric's steps get closer and I nod a little then take Zach's arm when he offers it to me to help as we walk the last bit to Eric's apartment.

I'm glad he didn't have time to get a promise from me or anything of that nature because I wouldn't have been able to give him one.

It's not exactly normal, my refusal of pain medications, not to the level that I do. But, how can I explain something like that or how deeply ingrained it is? Especially when I see how it affects the people around me. It's not like I completely understand it myself since some of it comes from fear, but I can't really say what I'm afraid of other than just not being in control.

I'm afraid of being powerless and that does make me weak, no matter what anyone says.

We don't talk the rest of the way and it isn't too much longer before we're at the door to the apartment and Zach is entering in the code. It shouldn't feel as good as it does to be here. I just can't help the way some of my tension seems to ease once I'm inside.

"There are things in the bathroom for you, but I'll let Eric tell you all about it when he gets here. I'm going to go ahead and get breakfast started. There was a delivery from Amity with some fresh veggies and I thought I would make either a frittata or omelet, what do you think?"

I give him my attention again instead of nosing through the books on their shelves and shrug while I laugh at the same time. "Honestly? Food in general sounds awesome and anything that I don't have to cook is even better. Besides I don't really know what either of those things is other than breakfast."

"Yeah, their both egg dishes, just prepared in different ways. Either way, they are going to be filled with some of the veggies I picked up. Do you not like to cook or are you just terrible at it?" He looks over his shoulder at me as he delivers the question with a playful smile.

I shake my head and shrug. "I'm not terrible at it if you go by Abnegation standards. Food was always pretty boring and bland when I made it. Mom was always good at making things taste pretty good even if it was limited in what she could do to, as they say, spice it up. I guess having to make the same things over and over, none of it very good, just became boring. So, I'm perfectly fine with never having to cook again. Maybe that will pass or maybe I'll just stick to the dining hall to take care of that particular chore."

I end with a smirk at him as he looks at me from the kitchen where he is already washing veggies with a laugh.

"Well, since I actually like cooking and Eric doesn't mind it so much, I think we've got you covered. The dining hall is more of a fallback plan."

By this time Eric and Chase joined us and caught the tail end of the conversation.

"If these two aren't here to feed me the dining hall is my fall back. Although, there is the pizza place. I lived on that shit for a week when both Zach and Eric were gone to meetings and other bullshit." Chase said chuckling.

Eric just shook his head and joined me over at the bookshelves and raised an eyebrow at the book I was thumbing through. He reached for it with a smirk and put it back on the shelf. "You can borrow it if you want." Then he looks back at me with his lips turned down in frown when they land on my face. "Let's get you set up to take a shower and then we can take care of the rest after, Kat."

It doesn't hit me until he takes my hand to pull me towards it, but the shower is in the bathroom located in his room. I've only been to the apartment twice before but had never been inside this room. He has a very small bathroom off the living room that I used both times I had breakfast with them before.

Finding myself suddenly in this most private of spaces, belonging to anyone really, is a shock. It's too much for my mind to handle that this is Eric's bedroom. My face is in flames and I take a big gulp of breath before we are even through the threshold. Something that very obviously lets him know how I'm feeling about this development.

He chuckles a little but that dies when I completely stop and stand and stare in shock at the massive bed that dominates the room. For all the black sheets and bedding it looks fluffy and amazing. It's also unmade and looks like he just rolled out of it. An image of him in that bed just seconds ago invades my mind and this weird sound escapes me, causing me to blush even more.

"Fuck," Eric grunts under his breath a little and tugs my hand harder causing me to stumble a little but I follow along while trying to avoid looking at him.

The door of the bathroom was half open and he slams the flat of his palm against it sending it flying all the way open. He flicks a hand at switches on the wall and light fills the surprisingly spacious bathroom. I want to take more in but he lets my hand drop and runs it through his hair while he starts talking.

"I have towels and bath stuff on the counter for you. Zach's the one that gave me the list for the bath stuff, so blame him if it smells bad. Toothpaste and toothbrush." He starts pointing at all the stuff laid out on his long bathroom counter but I can't look at the stuff when I'm so concerned about his tone and how strained he's sounding. He catches me looking at him and I swear I see him blush a little before he sighs and his forehead screws up as he walks over to where I see a neat pile of folded clothes. His hand brushes them before he yanks it away and shoves it into his pocket. "There are clothes for you here too. Things we thought would be a little better to wear for the place you guys are going today. Before you get dressed all the way," he pauses and runs a hand over his face before he huffs and continues. "I have shit that we need to put on you to help your ribs and bruising. Then I'm going to wrap your ribs up and that will help with the breathing."

I'm still blushing like mad, have been since I got to his room, and staring at him stupidly when he stops talking and looks at me. "Umm….okay." I croak and nod up and down like a lunatic.

Cheese and crackers, calm down Kat Prior. The man is trying to make sure you're taken care of he's not going to ravish you.

"I won't try anything, Kat. I just want to help." Eric assures me softly.

And that's the problem isn't...you want him to try something, anything, everything...

All the waiting for my stupid inner voices to have their say caused time to stretch out and I'm sure Eric thought I was thinking the worst of him. He moved closer and took my chin in his hand to get me to look at him since I was refusing to do that, afraid he was going to see the internal war going on in me. His worried words and tone shame me for where my thoughts took me.

"I don't think you would ever try anything, Eric." I mean for that to reassure him that I trust him but for some reason, my words seem to upset him.

He lets his hand drop and moves away towards the door frowning. "Just...take your time. I know it will feel good to have a private shower and who knows when you'll get another. When you're finished call me and we can get all of that other stuff taken care of."

I nod and watch him start to close the door with a scowl in his face and slightly slumped shoulders.

"Eric," I call out and catch the door to keep it from closing with one hand and the other I reach out to put over his. He looks at me but the scowl isn't gone, and if anything he looks wary right now.

Which is just all kinds of confusing but I guess that he might not have believed me and think that I don't trust him?

"I'm sorry if it might not have come out right, but I really do trust you."

I curl my fingers around his hand and let my thumb brush across his skin, in the same manner, he's done with me before. It's a reassuring touch that brought me comfort and I try to return that to him. I swear I feel a slight tremble in his arm before the wariness in his eyes fades and scowl on his lips twists to a small smirk while his hand turns too fully take mine into his.

"That's a start, Kat. Thank you."

Then he smiles at me and gives my hand a squeeze before he pulls it away and nods to the door. I move my hand from it and watch as he closes it, his eyes holding mine until the wood of the door is blocking even that small connection with him.

I stood glaring at that door, scowling for way too long, feeling dazed and confused from more than just my injuries and physical condition.

What did he mean it's a start?

What was that last look at me about? Like he was afraid to let me out of his sight or something.

More importantly, why won't my body and mind behave and stop trying to read into everything he does as him wanting me just as much as I want him?

I really, really need to talk to someone about all of this and considering how things are working out for me, Lynn is the even better choice of my two friends. Especially given her own situation.

Not to mention that Lynn won't get all excited and girly and make a bigger deal of things than need to be. I could just see Mar taking everything Eric has done as some big romantic gesture and feeding a hope in me that doesn't need to be fed anymore than I do on my own. Lynn will be honest, maybe a bit too honest, and I can trust her to keep it quiet too. Which is absolutely imperative.

Besides out all my friends, I feel comfortable talking to Lynn about one thing that I think it's probably past time I found out more about; sex.

I haven't ever bothered to learn more beyond what we were taught in health and science class, which was just the bare bones basics in the case of Abnegation. It hadn't bothered me that I wasn't really allowed to learn more than what was felt appropriate for us, because I hadn't felt what I'm feeling now. I had no curiosity to explore like some of the Abnegation dependents did behind closed doors and in supposed secrecy.

Now though, curiosity just might kill this cat.

With that resolve, I can put all my focus on the task of getting showered. This should be simple but the shower in Eric's bedroom is nothing like I've ever seen before. I refuse to call out for help and spend more time than I should just set up the bath stuff on the tile ledge that Eric has his own stuff on before I tackle the many nobs and nozzles.

I let out a few shrieks of surprise, that I try to muffle as quickly as possible when water begins to come out of places I never expected. The one on the ceiling wasn't a surprise really but I had been hesitant to see what happened with it until I got it on and saw it was nice and gentle. It took a few more tries to get the water just right since the water temperature was adjusted by a digital panel, but once I did it was pure bliss.

I hope dauntless has a big enough supply of this because I'm about to try and set a record for the longest shower in history.