Chapter 26 - That Which Doesn't Kill 'Ya

Eric

I knew the minute Chase messaged me and informed me that Kat ran off with Lynn just after lunch, and they still hadn't been seen, something was on the horizon. Just the way they described her acting shifty pointed to something being up. The fact that dinner time came and went and there still hadn't been any hint of those two when the others at least made an appearance, let us know it wasn't just her wanting to avoid taking any more meds like Zach suggested she was doing. It took everything in me not to go find her. Either by stalking through the compound and finding her myself or having Chase call up control and use the cameras.

As much as it kills me, I know I can't do that. Not without attracting attention. So, I follow Chase's lead as we take our usual spots in The Pit when we are hanging out with the rest of the faction. At least this gives me a good view of the other initiates for when she does make an appearance.

"Her sister isn't with them either," Chase notes offhandedly as he casually eyes the group and I know he's suggesting that because she's with them Kat won't be up to something that could be trouble.

"Like that means anything. You heard it from Kat herself that her sister got dragged into her little stunts and that was when they were still stiffs. What makes you think it will be different here?"

"Because they aren't that close anymore. They may be slowly getting there again but I can tell there's still distance between them."

I don't comment on that, I just shrug and look at Zach, whose been really quiet about the whole thing so far. "What do you think?"

"I think that you aren't going to like what I think." He smirks over at me in reply causing me to glare at him. "I think that it doesn't matter if she is up to something or not, she's a big girl and she deserves the chance to find her way here just like we did when we transferred. I might not like it. I might worry about her. But I'm not going to smother her either. And if you plan on having a real relationship with Kat you are going to need to realize you can't control her or prevent her from spending time with anyone else besides us. She isn't like the three of us and isn't going to be content to keep to herself or only allow a few people close to her, and I don't want her to be like that. So, as much as it pains me to say it, we're just going to have let shit play out and deal with it."

I look over at Chase to see how he feels about all that but he doesn't look at me. He's frowning and I know by his body language he isn't verbally agreeing but in his mind, he's taking Zach's words to heart.

I look away from my brothers scowling. Zach was right that I don't like what he thinks. I can't say he's wrong that trying to monopolize Kat's time or control her would not go over well. Hell, I know how I would react if someone was trying to do that to me and it wouldn't be pretty.

Despite knowing that and even agreeing with it, I'm feeling all twisted up at the thought she would want to spend time with anyone else but me. That's something I refuse to admit even to my brothers right now.

So I don't say shit and stand here scowling while I wait to find out what the hell she's up to tonight.

Initiates aren't forbidden from drinking. It's not so much against the rules as it is heavily frowned upon and punished if they're caught. A few of the leaders turn a blind eye to it but I don't. Neither does anyone else that is actually involved in initiation. Even Four can come down hard on those caught drinking.

Dauntless-born are aware of this unspoken rule so we don't have as many instances of having to reprimand or punish them. If they drink, and we all know that they do, they keep it out of sight and in general don't make complete asses of themselves.

Transfers are where the problem is with drinking since very few factions have places like we do that serve drinks for the purpose of partying. Erudite serves alcoholic beverages at the restaurants and it can also be bought for private use but it's practically unheard of for that factions' members to drink for the purpose of getting drunk. Candor has the same policy but Zach and Chase have told me that the kids of the faction do tend to sneak in drinks for their get-togethers. The only other faction that imbibes is Amity but those hippies are generally doped up on peace serum anyway so they don't count in my book and Abnegation would probably have a collective stroke at even the thought of having something like that available to their holier than thou flock.

What this lack of exposure causes when any of those transfers drink here is a fuck-ton of hassle. They come over here and get drunk and end up doing stupid shit that more often than not results in them being hurt, and in some cases dead, for one reason or another. Of course, dealing with the aftermath and clean up usually lands in my lap. I take none too kindly to these incidents and I'm well known for that fact.

It doesn't help my reputation that I seem to go even harder on any females that I catch. I make no apologies for that fact and I know it makes me seem like a sexist pig for being such a dick to those girls. I don't bother to try and explain the reasons why no one would believe what's behind them anyway.

There is an added danger for females in Dauntless that no one talks about but we're all aware of, sexual harassment or assault. The women that have been here a while or grew up in Dauntless know about this and are generally capable of handling themselves or knowing what not to do that would leave them vulnerable, so I don't often see cases involving one of them.

It's the transfers that most often end up as a file on my desk. Most of the time it's because they were out partying and ended up getting taken advantage of. Some cases are worse than others, those girls end up washing out and leaving rather than stick around. Especially those cases where they either couldn't or wouldn't identify their attackers for whatever reason. There's no telling how many more happen that never get reported.

It's never sat right with me when those assholes get away with that shit. Chase and Zach are right there with me on that. In the instances that official justice can't be served up then it has a way of working out in other ways, with a little help. But the fact that this happens at all and that I'm forced to take matters into my own hands often has my temper on a hair-trigger that doesn't always translate well when I'm trying to enforce the message to the initiates (male and female) that drinking during this time is a bad fucking idea.

Tonight, I give a few glares or pointed words to the transfers that look like they are even thinking about taking part in any drinking but there aren't many thankfully.

Then she breezes in, hair down and drifting her wake as she rushes forward through the Pit like she's on a mission. Her eyes are overly wide and slightly glazed while her cheeks are flushed. I know the second she looks at me and gives me a goofy grin before Lynn pulls her along that she's drunk. I see Chase tensing and scowling as we watch her join the other Dauntless-born with her friend.

My first instinct is to march right the hell over there and drag her away from the Pit. It's not like I haven't done anything like that before so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for me. The thing stopping me is being unsure how the hell she's going to react and what she's going to say in this state.

I'm also not sure how I would react if it's anything like my mind is coming up with right now and from the few looks she sends in my direction I have a feeling it would be. Since I got back I've barely been restraining myself and she's responded in those encounters like she wants more, and that's with her completely sober. I don't know if I can handle a drunk Kat.

The seconds tick by agonizingly slow for me as I stand with a group that includes all the other leaders that are in the compound currently; Chase, Zach and a few of the high ranking officers. Talk is centered around the upcoming training of course, and the initiates themselves as there are a few Dauntless-born that are expected to do really well. I know this talk is eventually going to turn to the elephant in the room, so to speak, the two Abnegation transfers and I'm not exactly looking forward to it.

It's hard to maintain my blank mask while every glance over in her direction has me feeling like I want nothing more than to walk over there and toss her across my knee then beat her ass red for drinking while hurt, or just drinking at all, and just because she's driving me fucking nuts right now.

"Oi, Hayes. I have words for you."

My head whips to the side as her shouting immediately grabs my attention.

"Ah hell," Chase mutters and sighs really deep when we catch sight of Kat stalking her way through the Pit and right towards Peter. She doesn't have to go far because he was lurking near that group anyway.

Hayes looks around for a second looking trapped and like he's trying to find a way out. When he sees everyone's attention is on him and that escaping wouldn't do any good his expression morphs into a sneer as looks directly at Kat, who has somehow managed to loom in front of him with all of her five foot six inches in height. Lynn is behind her, arms crossed over a chest that is all puffed up and wearing a smug but obviously drunken smile.

"No, you don't, stiff." Peter finally manages to get out in a cold sneer.

"I do so and don't be a dick." Kat snaps out then stops and blinks rapidly before breaking out into a grin. "I mean...I'm sorry about your dick."

The laughing and tittering starts around but I am anything but amused.

"Actually, I'm not sorry, sorry. I mean you were being a vindictive asshole and beating my sister's ass so I'm not sorry she stopped you and used your dick to teach you a lesson. But I am sorry that you lost it in there because of me. It was uncalled for...what I said. I'm a bitch." She gets this all out and hiccups a little at the end of it, her eyes looking more and more glazed.

Laughter is still rolling around them but that stops registering for me as I can actually hear the blood rushing through my veins and my heartbeat in my ears as my temper kicks up another ten notches.

It's not obvious to anyone else, though I know Chase and Zach have to be seeing the same things I am, her drunken state is drawing attention in a way she couldn't imagine and that I fucking dread. There are a few guys that have looks in their eyes I know too well. They may or may not have any intention of doing anything about it but their looks are enough for me and I mark them all.

"By the way, how is your dick right now? I mean, does it hurt? Stupid question, of course, it hurts. What I really wanted to know was if it hurt when you got it done? Oh, and how does that even work?"

Meanwhile, this little showdown between Kat and Peter is still going on and I realize that it isn't going to stop until someone makes it.

I scowl at him heavily daring him to say anything back but he's oblivious to it at the moment. I think he's just shocked at her right now.

"Are you really standing there asking me about my fucking dick, stiff?" His tone is full of disbelief as is his expression.

"Yeah, I am...mouth. But don't go getting funny ideas about it. I'm interested in your dick in a more clinical aspect. Why did you get the piercing? What it is supposed to do...you know sexually? Does it really work? What did it feel like when you got a need stabbed through your…"

"Hey!" Uri shouts out frantically trying to stop her from anymore talking. "That's enough. I don't need to be walking around imagining Peter's dick for the rest of the night." He finishes, wincing and has his hand covering his crotch protectively.

Everyone else around the group is roaring with laughter and I can see other Dauntless-born and even a few members have slid in to engage Kat in conversation after she turns red and buries her hands in her face for a few seconds before laughing too. Peter takes this opportunity to slip away.

My blood is boiling and all I can see is red.

"Remember we just watch and make sure if she is or isn't what we are looking for and we need her alive to do that, Eric," Max warns me, misinterpreting my looks of rage at the entire incident.

I fully admit that her behavior has pushed my limits but that's honestly not what is pushing me over the edge. I can't exactly say as much to the older man and I can get away with saying nothing at all.

Luckily what I do end up saying is nothing but the honest truth as I wear a wicked smile.

"Oh, she'll live. The initiate will only wish she were dead by the time I'm done with her morning punishment."

"Zach and I made sure Kat and the others made it to the dorm. She's passed out." Chase informs me in a gruff voice that is full of disapproval. If I was actually face to face with him and not on the phone he would be glaring at me too.

I start to tell him thanks for taking care of that for me but he doesn't even wait for me to get more than thanks out before there is a click and he's gone.

I sigh and toss my phone on my bedside table and continue toweling myself off from the shower I just stepped out of. Despite how hot I made the water or how long I scrubbed, I'm still feeling disgusting and unclean right now. The reason for that is the same reason my brother is so pissed off at me right now.

I knew before I led that chick off to an abandoned part of the Pit that it was the wrong move. She wasn't the one that I wanted and the few minutes as I took her against the wall left me just as full of all that mess of feelings I stormed away from the Pit with.

The final straw had been when Kat and Lynn had somehow been dragged into a knife-throwing contest with a few members while Max and the other leaders egged them on. At first, I had been pissed off about it but that quickly went away when I saw just how damn good she is with knives. It was the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen, and I have seen some shit in my time here at Dauntless. It made me harder than I even thought was physically possible for me to be, and it pissed me off how much that girl gets to me.

I don't remember the chicks name or anything about her other than she picked that minute to hit on me and she happened to have hair that kind of reminded me of Kat's.

I curse myself and Kat before I head back into the shower to take care of the sudden rush of need that fills me while knowing in the back of my mind, it's not going to be good enough. Nothing will be good enough until I have Kat where she belongs.

"I don't care how pissed we all are at the situation, you have to promise me you will keep it together or I won't allow this to happen, Eric."

Zach stands in the kitchen of my apartment, arms crossed over his chest and glaring at me as he lays out his demands for me handling Kat on my own this morning. Chase is leaning against the counter with a coffee cup in hand but hasn't said much to me since he got here. I can tell by the look Zach gave him when he walked in those two must have discussed things without me and I'm sure my hooking up with someone was one of those things talked about.

I'm not sure what Zach said to him but whatever it was I can tell it lessened his anger at me at least a little bit and that just adds to the guilt and regret that I'm feeling about it myself.

"My intentions aren't to lose it with her but I can't promise that I'm not going to push her into losing it, Zach. It needs to be done so we can start correcting the issue and if she can get used to me throwing out everything that could distract her then that should cover anything else that would do the same."

"That's all well and good but I can still see you're stewing over it and we all know how well you handle that shit. I know it needs to be done but I'm not sure you're the man for the job." Chase drawls without looking at me.

"And you think you are?" I hiss at and step in his direction.

"Cut it out," Zach warns with a sigh at the same time, then steps in the path between the two of us. "This morning is about Kat and how we want to handle things. I agree that she needs to know how bad she messed up but she also needs to know how bad it could have been. I can guarantee that if she's told what the biggest concern is then she would take it to heart and be more careful next time."

"There shouldn't be a next time." I snap out irritably.

"During initiation, it will be the same for her as everyone else. But outside of that it will be her decision. I would have said that it wouldn't be something we would have to worry about at all before last night but obviously I was wrong. Either way, I stand by my statement that I won't try and control her and I won't allow either of you to either. But we're getting off-topic here and I need to get down to the dorm soon to check on her."

Zach raises his eyebrow while looking at me and waiting.

I clenched my jaw and fists then nodded curtly. "I promise."

'Kat's experiencing the joys of having one hell of a hangover this morning. It's going to take a bit to get her sorted out enough to be able to stand.' - Zach

That was his message to me when he made it to the dorm and that was over half an hour ago. I knew it would be likely to happen but I still didn't like hearing it. It makes me feel uncomfortable with what I have planned and now I'm reconsidering it.

I impatiently wait a few more minutes before shooting Zach another message and get his reply that they are almost here. When they haven't shown up after a few more minutes I growl and head to find out what's keeping them. As I get the door to the Dauntless-born training room open I hear Kat yelling something and then Zach calling her name.

I don't even get a foot out the door before Zach quickly comes in, carrying Kat.

"What the fuck, Zach?"

He doesn't answer right away, instead, he takes her to the nearest weight bench and gently sits her on it. I can hear him mumbling something to her and that's when I see she isn't passed out. As soon as he steps away from her she leans forward and buries her head in her hands. Her shoulders shaking in what I can only assume is her quiet sobbing.

"You going to tell me what the fuck is going on?" I turn on him and demand from him angrily.

I can hear Zach explaining things as I move forward and crouch in front of Kat, but I'm putting on the back burner how he completely went against everything we determined we would or would not tell Kat about our pasts.

And for this exact fucking reason.

We all know she takes on blame for the decision that Dauntless couldn't patrol or police the factionless sector anymore. I knew that she's likely to take any blame on herself for things that happened because of that decision.

Zach didn't even tell her the whole story and she's already reacting badly to what little she does know.

I stand and face Zach when she doesn't respond to my calling her name. "I can't fucking believe you picked now to tell her that shit, Zach," I growl angrily at him.

"I wasn't going to but we were talking and she asked…"

"I don't care what the hell started it, you knew how felt about this shit and we promised not to mention anything until we felt she wouldn't blame herself." I'm in no mood right now to be reasonable.

My emotions are all over the damn place. I'm already hanging onto my anger by the skin of my teeth with everything that's been happening the last few days. I wanted to unsettle and push Kat this morning but I don't know if that's wise given how I'm feeling.

Goddammit, Chase was right.

"Maybe the best way to get her to see that is for her to know we don't blame her, Eric? What we went through makes us the best possible people to be able to do that and the sooner the better."

I'm about to deny that and curse up one side and down the other for making that decision without me but don't when I notice that Kat's gone completely silent. From the corner of my eye, I see her sitting up and when I turn to look at her she's staring in our direction without really focusing on either of us.

"It's not his fault, Eric." She finally speaks, her voice soft but her tone flat.

Now we are both looking at her and wearing worried frowns. The tears are gone. But there is an expression in her eyes that alarms me and I can see Zach is worried too. It's not the determined set of her chin or the rigidness of her back. It's the fire in her eyes that is so damn different from anything I've seen in them before. It's fierce, angry...and destructive.

I guess it's because neither of us has said anything back she continues on.

"None of it is his fault but I know who to blame for this. I may not be able to change what happened then or the part I played, but what happens from now on will be up to me." She pauses and focuses directly on me as her chin lifts even more and slowly stands takes a few steps and comes to stand in front of me.

They way she's standing is exactly how we show our members to stand during certain situations but initiates aren't expected to start using the stance until we start running them through drills in the third stage. Zach starts forward with his frown deepening and ready to stop whatever she's got planned but I put a hand on his chest and stop him.

She takes a deep breath before speaking but does so with firm determination in her tone. "Initiate Prior reporting as ordered, sir."

Zach's lips thin in displeasure. I know he's thinking going ahead with the plans for this morning is a bad idea. I can't say I don't agree with him. Regardless he looks at each of us before he gives me a small nod and looks back at her for a second before he turns to go and calls over his shoulder.

"I expect you at breakfast, princess."

She flinches at the nickname but he misses that. He also misses the way her expression morphs into one of grief and hurt. It's just for a second that this happens. One second where she loses the determined resolve and fire in her eyes when they get a little shiny from tears that are threatening to break free. Then she shakes her head forcefully and it's gone when she looks back at me.

I'm at a complete loss on what to do and how to handle this right now. I stopped Zach from going to her mainly because I wanted to be the one to help her through this. But I'm not sure how to fucking do that. Part of me wants to say fuck it to training and all my plans then just take her in my arms and hold her, to talk to her.

I'm still seriously considering what to do and whether or not I should go ahead while she stands in front of me, still at attention. But the longer I take to make any moves or say anything the more I see signs of that hurt in her eyes.

"Please, Eric?" She softly pleads. "I need this right now."

My lips thin as I fight myself. I can hear the truth in her plea that she believes this is what she needs but the new side of me, the one that can't fucking stand to see her like this or in pain at all is not happy about this situation.

In the end, I realize that I really don't know any other way to help her. I'm not Zach, who can make even someone like me to open up a little and talk things out. I'm not Chase who could take her mind off things by making her laugh.

But I can give her this. I can give us both this because really, I need it too. I need to make sure that I won't ever lose her to carelessness or losing focus. Even if I have to figuratively beat the lesson into her. Maybe even literally.

Something in my expression must give away my decision because she smiles at me, a smile of relief and even happiness. One that I can guarantee will fade once we get started.

"I wouldn't be smiling just yet, kitten. You want this, you're going to get it. But I promise you that by the time we're through you might not be able to walk out of this fucking room when I'm done with you." I can't help that even now my tone comes out in a way I don't truly intend for it too. All purred promise with a hard edge to it. That makes me overcompensate with my order for her as I grab her arm and pull her with me, hoping that if by putting my body through the same thing it eases some of this burning for I have.

"Laps first until I say stop and then we move straight into combat."

Kat winces just a little and I can imagine that she's still experiencing pain from her injuries as well as her hangover but she doesn't make one peep of protest nor does she hesitate. She just squares her shoulders and plunges forward.

I look at her beside me and can't help but feel the pride mixing in with every other feeling I've found she inspires in me. It's all overwhelming and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why the fuck anyone sane would subject themselves to it.

But I also know that now I've gotten a taste I wouldn't trade these feelings for anything. Not a fucked up one of them.

I happen to glance at Kat and realize the sprint I have us doing has her seconds from passing out. Cursing myself for holding us in it for so long I bring us out of it and into a slow walk to cool down. Once we've done that I walk over to the bag I brought with me, fish around in it and take out two of the bottles of water, tossing her one and cracking my own open.

I take the time to look her over and evaluate how she's doing while I gulp my water down.

She's a fucking mess right now that's for sure. Her normal peaches and cream complexion is almost ghostly white right now. Her eyes are still red from when she was crying earlier and one side of her face is still covered in bruises even if they are fading faster than normal thanks to the meds we've slipped her. All that only stands out even more with how pale her skin is.

She's a mess but I've never felt that anyone could ever be as beautiful to me as she is right now.

She finishes her water and takes a few deep breaths before looking at me. Her back is straight and her chin raised with a look in her eye that is silently challenging me to bring it on.

That wicked grin I have slithers across my face and try as she might hide the slight shiver that happens at it, I still see it. Whether it's in apprehension or desire, I'm not sure.

Fuck, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling more at the moment either. What I do know is that I'm probably going to enjoy this a hell of a lot more than I should.

"Let's get started, kitten. Shoes off and get in the ring." I rasp out as I walk past her and towards the ring.