Chapter 31 - No Rest For The Weary
Kat
I don't wake up. Not really. At least not in the way I normally wake up.
What happens is a slow progression of awareness that I can't make much sense out of because actually thinking feels like trying to swim through dense water. My body feels heavy too. The simple act of my chest rising and falling to breathe feels like it's taking much more effort than normal and trying to open my eyes seems to take centuries.
A growing feeling of panic and disorientation takes over my small ability to think clearly. When the memory of horrible pain and a strange sensation all up and down my back is added in, that panic only increases. I'm not sure if it's actual pain that I'm feeling or just the memory of it. Regardless, it takes over my body and has me whimpering.
"It's okay. I've got you, kitten."
A voice pierces through the panic enough that I can determine the words but not who's talking and no matter how I try I can't get past the pain enough to speak. It bubbles forth in small screams I can't stop.
"Kat? Dammit. Zach! We fell asleep. She needs her meds now."
The voice that broke through now sounds as panicked as I feel inside. Something I feel compelled to try and help whoever it is not to feel. The pain increases and I fight against the darkness that's edging forward. I can hear loud sounds and feel jarring movement near me that takes me that much closer to the edge of darkness.
"You're going to have to hold her still so I can get to the PICC line, Eric."
That name registers for me and I fight against the darkness.
"It'll just take a minute for it to kick in and the pain will go away, Kat. I promise we're going to make it go away, baby."
The words being spoken are garbled. Like I'm hearing them from underwater. Distorted and deeper than normal. Then I feel like I'm drifting again but not in the same way as I was after the attack.
Attack!
There was an attack and I tried to protect Eric and Peter.
It's hard, but I manage to fight that current that wants to pull me under again. And while I can't see who I'm groping and grabbing at as they hold me, I do get a hold of them and croak out words hoping to get my point across.
"Attack...Eric...okay?"
Hands soothe me along with a voice and warmth surrounds and cradles me.
"I'm fine thanks to you, kitten. Just rest and let the medications help. I'll be here when you wake up again."
I couldn't fight anymore even if I wanted too but I don't. For the first time since the darkness first took me I go into it peacefully.
At least three more times, that I am cognizant of, there is a repeat process of the darkness fades only to be replaced with the pain and each time my fighting and panic is soothed by the same presence and voice as the first time. I do notice that each time the pain is a little less than before and I'm able to pick up on things that I might have missed the previous time.
The last time this occurs, I realize I'm lying in a bed and that I'm not alone. Someone is lying beside me. I can feel the heat of their body against mine. Hear their deep even breathing and the rise and fall of their chest against me. I'm even able to open my eyes enough to make out whose arms I'm in.
Even in the state I'm in my eyes manage to widen a little in shock and a small gasp/moan leaves my mouth when I realize that the person sleeping next to me is Eric. I shift, trying to get a better look at him and around us but that causes pain to shoot through my body. I groan and hurriedly bite my lip to try and stop it so it doesn't wake Eric up. There's rustling coming from near me and I turn my head to see where it's coming from but can't move much without the pain exploding more.
A face comes into view after I muffle another cry and I see Zach's worried eyes. I feel his hand on my arm, pulling it towards him and doing something that I can't see. He gives me an apologetic smile and sighs.
"It should be out of your system soon, Kat. Until then we just need to manage the pain as best we can. I'm sorry. There's no other way, princess."
By the time he gets out his apology, I feel a rush of something through my body and the pain retreats.
I feel like I blink and he's gone then my head is back to looking to where Eric is still beside me but I didn't move my head. Something else turned it and now has my face pressing against warm skin as breath gusts against mine and I feel the press of lips to my forehead.
Something tells me I won't remember this when I really wake up and I fight against it with everything I have. I lose the battle and the darkness creeps back in. There's no more pain but I think I would rather have that as long as I had one more moment like this with Eric.
The first thing I notice when I wake up is that the bed I'm lying in is way too comfortable to be my bed from the dorm or one in the clinic. The size is another thing I notice. It's much bigger than any bed I've ever been in before. It's like laying in a big cloud.
I notice all of this before I get my eyes fully open.
It takes a while to work them open and seems to take about as long for my mind to fire up as well because if it had been working right from the start I probably would have been more worried about where I'm at especially considering the last thing I remember was the capture game and something going wrong with it.
Trying to remember hurts just as much as trying to move does and a moan tears through me when I try to sit up despite the pain and soreness in my body.
"Easy there, stiff." A voice drawls from somewhere in the room and makes me jerk in surprise.
When I see that it's Peter sitting on a chair on the other side of the room I instinctively pull the covers over me and scowl at him.
"Peter?" I croak in disbelief and eyed him warily. "What are you doing here?" I pause and look around the room frown that looks familiar.
It looks exactly like Eric's apartment but how did I get here and why?
"You don't remember?" He leans forward eyeing me without giving anything away as he does so.
"I…" I stop and shift uncomfortably as images race through my mind and I try to find a clear one. My last clear memory. "The last thing I remember is the capture game. We were going after Four's flag and…"
That's when I remember the attack.
"We were attacked!"
He nods slowly and frowns. "And you pushed me and Eric out of the way."
"Is everyone okay? Was anyone else attacked? What about Eric?"
"No one but you got hurt." He hesitates and narrows his eyes while looking at me as I breathe out in relief. "Why did you do it, stiff?" He asks quietly, almost too quietly for me to have heard but with how silent the room is I'm able to make it out even if I don't understand what he's asking.
"Why did I do what?" I ask through a wince as I try to move into a more comfortable sitting position on the bed.
"Why did you push us out of the way? You had to know you were going to be hit if you did. So why would you do that? It's not like anything about you makes much sense to begin with, but doing that sure as hell doesn't." He scowls the entire time he's talking.
"Do you really not understand why?" I ask him in disbelief.
"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't, stiff. There was no good reason for you to put yourself in harm's way for someone you don't even like. I guess I can maybe understand Eric...but me?"
"Peter," I let my head fall back onto the headboard, close my eyes and let out a pained, tired sigh. I don't really have the energy for this but I'm going to try and explain something that should just be common sense.
"I can admit that I don't like you and if you had been on the other team I would have totally loved to get a shot at you. But it would have still been in the spirit of the game. It wouldn't have been in a hateful way," I pause and frown when I remember my thoughts on nailing any of the Candors' during the game. "Though I guess I can also admit there might have been a little spitefulness in it."
I swear I see him smirk a little at this last statement. He's up out of the chair now, having done that when he decided to raise the question seconds ago, and walks towards the bed but stops just at the end of it without speaking. So I go on trying to explain basic decency, which is apparently confusing to him.
"I may not like you but I don't have to like you to think of you as part of my faction, so in turn, part of my family. Family doesn't always like each other or even get along but you do what you can to protect each other when it comes down to it. I would hope that if the situation were reversed you would do the same thing. Not because you give a damn about me or anyone that might be in that position but because we are all in the same faction and we need each other. So, I wasn't going to let anyone of my faction go down without at least trying."
"Those could have been real guns with real bullets, Kat." Peter's face is twisted and his voice is bordering on a shout as he faces me and takes a few steps forward. "Did you even think about that before playing the hero? Did you ever think that not everyone is as noble as you are? What the fuck, stiff. Do you even have an ounce of self-preservation?"
"I'm not suicidal, Peter," I shout back, ignoring the pain as I do so. "Of course I have a sense of self-preservation. But I can't lie and say that when it happened I was doing anything other than following my instincts regardless of if they were real guns or not."
"Fuck." He mutters and turns away and walks to the window.
"Why is it so hard to believe or accept?"
"Why is it so hard to believe? Because you don't know me for shit, Stiff. You might have figured a few things out about me but you don't really know me. How I've had to be because of them."
"I know exactly how it has made you. But you're wrong about it being how you have to be. We all have choices on how we handle the shit that happens in our life, Peter. It can influence and shape us to a certain point...but the rest is all on us."
I don't know if it's my tone in how I say all this, or how I let a little of my own truth, my own past come through during it, but he watches me and seems to be really listening. He also doesn't ask anything else, letting the matter drop.
"How long have I been...how long have I been here?"
"You mean how long have you been in a leader's bed?" His snide tone and the implications of his words has me glaring at him.
"Not that it's any of your business but there is nothing going on with Eric and me in the way that you're implying." I debate trying to deny anything more than just an instructor/initiate relationship but decide that would be pointless because it's obvious I'm in Eric's apartment. Which is not something that would happen if it was completely professional between us. "We're just friends and he has no interest in me that way."
"Whatever," Peter rolls his eyes, sighs, then turns to look out of the window, rubbing the back of his neck. "You two can work that shit out. I guess it'll be interesting to watch though." He turns back and smirks at me.
"You never answered my question. How long have I been out?" I huff out and smooth out the covers without looking at him.
"Almost two days."
Two days!
Two whole days that I've missed of training?
I pale and start to shake, wondering if I even still have a place in training or did that mean I'm out because I've missed so much time? Deciding I'm not going to let that happen, even if I have to beg, I throw the covers off me and start to get out of bed.
"You can't get up. They didn't say anything about you leaving but I'm pretty sure that would be noped the fuck out of the equation right away."
"I've missed two days of training, Peter. There's no way I'm missing anymore and possibly being cut because of it." I say in a pained pant as I try to scoot off the bed to get out.
"Would you just relax. There hasn't been any training while the leaders and instructors have been trying to figure out what happened."
I stop and look at him in shock. "Really? There hasn't been any training for two days?"
He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "The first day was planned apparently because after Capture they expect everyone to be tired and the games can run past when training would normally start anyway. So, they just don't have it on the schedule the next day. Yesterday they had us all doing cleaning in our dorms and shit. Along with reading the Dauntless manifesto and some other rules and crap like that."
I breathe out a huge sigh of relief that it doesn't seem I've missed anything big but that also means it's even more important I'm there for today. I look at my watch on my wrist and see training won't be starting for at least another two hours. Which gives me enough time to get dressed and make my way down there.
I manage to get out of bed and stand, but immediately hunched over in pain. It took a few seconds but I manage to straighten up a little and to take a step away from the bed.
"Fucking stiff. You are going to be the literal death of me." Peter growls out before stomping over to the dresser where I had been headed myself after spotting what I knew to be a pile of folded clothes belonging to me. Or, that I'm sure is meant for me since Eric always seems to have a supply of them, but I wasn't going to tell him that.
He grabs all of that and stomps into the bathroom. I watch him with a bit of amusement as he comes back out empty-handed and scowling as he looks at me hobbling my way along. He sighs impatiently and takes large steps towards me. Before I can protest snatches me up in his arms and takes me into the bathroom then sets me on my feet.
"If you want to get to the training room before the next century I would suggest you figure out a way to move a little faster. There's no way I'm carrying you there." He gets this look on his face after he says this that makes me think he's actually rethinking that and just might want to try and carry me. Something I have no plans of letting him do.
I scoff at him and shoo him out of the bathroom where I begin the painful process of getting dressed. I debate taking a shower before quickly deciding I don't think I can handle it. I can barely lift my arms to pull my shirt over my head. For a second, I stop, panting and wondering how I'm going to be able to pull this off. I'm hurting but if I can just get some of the pain under control then I might be able to. Luckily I know exactly where Eric keeps his medications and quickly open the cabinet to pull out a few I know will be safe for me.
I take those and wash them down with water from the faucet then get back to getting dressed. Before I pull on a new shirt I find the ointment that I've been practically drowning in over the last few weeks and rub it into some of the really sore spots that I can reach. There are some on my back that I can't get to completely but I try as best as I can. Once I have that done I can finish getting dressed and braid my hair.
There aren't many thoughts going through my mind at first because the pain is enough that it takes all of my focus just to be able to move and dress. But when it finally does subside enough questions and observations start to come up. None of them complete enough to hold my focus. I try to remember the time from when I saw the men coming at us our left until now but come up empty other than some general feelings.
By the time I've gotten dressed in everything besides my shoes, I give up on trying to remember and hope that someone will fill me in on the details. I find my boots out in my room and pull those on, hoping that whatever we're doing today doesn't require me to be in my workout clothes since that's not what was in that pile.
I stand up a bit shakily, but the more I move, the more my muscles loosen up. Although, every once in awhile I get these shooting bouts of pain that feel like my body is being electrocuted while sandpaper is being rubbed over my skin at the same time. The first few times I was hit by that it almost took me to my knees.
I find Peter sitting on the couch looking deep in thought once I walked out of the bedroom. I go directly to the door without saying anything to him and he pops up immediately after he realizes I'm leaving.
We walk in silence with him close beside me. It feels like I'm crawling instead of walking but a few glances at my watch here and there show me that I'm making pretty good time.
"So, I guess I should probably warn you," Peter says uncomfortably after clearing his throat. "Even though Zach told me that they're keeping your condition and where you've been a secret, they weren't able to keep what happened quiet. There are some pretty wild rumors going around about what all went down but they all involve you in some way. Mostly they're about you saving one of us, if not the entire group."
I stop dead in my tracks and turn to face him. "Please tell me you're joking." I plead in a strained whisper.
"Nope," Peter replies with a casual shrug but I can see the apprehension in his eyes. "Wanna go back to the apartment now?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Was any of that true or were you just trying to get me to go back?"
"It's all true and I'm definitely trying to get you to go back."
"Well, I don't have the code but I wouldn't go back anyway. I have to face it at some point. Might as well get over with."
"Like I said, stiff. You're going to be the literal fucking death of me." He mutters but stays by my side as I continue walking on.
The first sign that Peter was telling the truth was the looks I got as I passed the few people I encountered in the hallways as I made my way to the Pit. The second sign was when I got to the Pit and started to cross towards the dining hall. There are already groups of people either heading to breakfast or just leaving it that started whispering as I approached. The whispering quickly turned to loud shouts of greeting to me which brought more attention and before I knew it, there was actual cheering and clapping mixed in with everything.
I duck into the dining hall as quickly as I can, face red with embarrassment and a good bit of concern over what could possibly be being said to get that type of reaction from those people.
If I thought I would get away from all that once I got to the dining hall I'm sadly mistaken. The chatter and noise came to a stop and all heads turned in my direction for a few seconds before the cheering and shouts explode in there too. I stand frozen, unsure what to do and if I can duck back out again.
Then I'm hit by four cannonballs and go to the ground, groaning and in a tangle with my friends and sister. I want to yell out at the pain jolting through me but the look in their eyes has me holding it back.
To hell with the pain, it's worth it to let them have this.