A/N: Sorry for the slow update. I hope all are well during the craziness going on. Here is something to hopefully take your minds off of it for a tiny bit.

Also...I don't own anything but my own crazy plots and characters that are mucking up the cogs of V Roth's machine.

Chapter 43 - Flirtin' With Disaster

Eric

"I'm encouraged by the results from both classes so far this year. I know there have been some..." Max pauses and looks over the top of his tablet, first looking directly at me then moving over to Four meaningfully, "...disagreements about the changes, particularly the new rules for how fights would be scored and what would be accepted before an end could be called. While there have definitely been a significant amount of injuries there also haven't been any that resulted in the initiate being removed from initiation because of them. I know that was one of the major concerns. I can also admit that I had reservations about the changes myself because of that concern, but I think that the results have been surprising, to say the least."

My lips thin a little at the thought of the injuries that have occurred, or just the ones with a certain person, but I can't dispute what Max is saying either about the results being surprising. I wasn't concerned with the changes to fights when they were proposed. In fact, I was fully on board with them. I believed it would sniff out the weakest of the initiates, the ones that came here thinking that because there hadn't been cuts in the past they didn't have to put everything into their fights.

I knew that with conceding not being an option it would give them more drive to do better and it would build strength when they realized that they could get through anything if they pushed themselves hard enough. Before Kat came along I hadn't cared that a side effect of this would be that it would foster brutality in conjunction with the knowledge that there were cuts being made.

Fuck….I had even looked forward to that aspect of it at one time since it would just make my job easier.

Now there's been a slight shift in how I'm viewing things. I still believe everything I thought when I supported the changes, fighting is a vital portion to training. Not just for the initiates but for members as well. If I can ever get it approved I have had a request for all members to go through testing of all the same skills they learned in initiation at least once a year, including scheduled and scored fights.

Watching Kat...hell even her sister...during the training learning how to fight, and the fights themselves has proven my theories right. It's been fucking hell watching Kat get hurt at all...but she rises to met those challenges every single time and she only gets stronger the more I've thrown at her.

The thing that I've started to see differently is that this brutal and cutthroat attitude that has been permeating Dauntless, at the encouragement of people like me, doesn't necessarily make our faction stronger. More importantly, it won't ensure that we are getting the strongest initiates but it will likely make certain to push desperate individuals into finding any way to stay. Even if that means they take out their competition in some underhanded way.

"With that being said," Max continues on with the briefing. "We have some difficult decisions to make. I would like full reports from all the instructors on each initiate based on the criteria we established before training began. This will include not only their performance with the core skills but also their attitude and anything else that might stand out about them, good or bad. After each of you has worked out your scores, submit it to leadership for final review. You have until the end of the day tomorrow to get that in so that we can announce the cuts the day after tomorrow."

We go over a few more items regarding the off days for the initiates before Max dismisses us. Everyone starts to file out, headed for their offices or somewhere where they can get their work done but when I rise to leave he calls out for me to stay behind.

"Eric, I would like you to leave out your evaluations for the night of capture and the performance of any of those with you during the attack. Because we have reason to believe you were the target we can't take the chance that your appraisal could be called into question. There could be accusations of bias and we don't want that. Instead, I'll submit evaluations based on the reports you and the others provided. Am I understood?"

I take a moment to think over things and then nod my head in agreement. "Understood, sir." It's the smart way to go about making sure that no one can later say that I was too favorable to Kat because of what she did for me.

"Good. Now, let's talk about visiting day. I'll still want you to make the speech to our initiates in regards to what we are expecting. After that, I want you to be present to keep an eye on things but don't expect you to actually engage with any of the families." Max smirks at my pained expression before turning serious. "In addition to keeping an eye on the initiates, I'm going to need you to have eyes on one particular visitor that is rumored will be here tomorrow, Andrew Prior. Should that be the case, and he does show up, I would like close eyes on the situation. Preferably those we can really trust. I'm not so much worried about anything he might do, but it would not do to have a leader of another faction have something befall him while on our soil. Especially right now."

I try not to let my uneasiness show while I process this information and can't help but wonder where the rumor is coming from. "Where is this rumor coming from?"

Max is looking at something on his tablet as he casually replies to my inquiry. "It was overheard during the meeting yesterday when he mentioned something to Marcus's assistant."

I breathed an internal sigh of relief that my meeting and conversation with the Abnegation man wasn't the source. "I'll see to it personally and make sure we have eyes during the day."

"I'm sure you will." He replied while still looking at his tablet but I could see his lips twitching just a little. Then he sighs and lowers his tablet and looks back at me. "Just be sure to remember our conversation from this morning. Using discretion will be even more important than ever."

Like I was going to forget that conversation and what he implied on so many levels. I knew I was already going to be pushing the boundaries of discretion by having Kat to my apartment for dinner. Not to mention being alone with her would be testing my self-control.

With that he lifted his tablet back up, signaling the conversation is over. I rise and head to my office to work on my evaluations and scoring for the initiates until Chase can meet me to discuss the plans for tonight.

~~Worth Fighting For~~

Chase finally joined me a few hours later where we went over his own evaluations and scores before we switched to plans for tonight.

"Our best option is just to keep an open feed to view their progress and having a unit ready to mobilize should the need arise. I did think about having a few guys tail Four but I'm pretty sure he would be looking for that." Chase muttered the last part in frustration.

My friend isn't any happier about what was going down tonight than I am. I silently nod then sigh as I rub my eyes in frustration. "If only I could get ahold of some of those damn trackers from Erudite. Kat might not like it but I would inject her little ass with one in a heartbeat if I could."

Chase shook his head with a frown. "I don't know that I would trust those damn things though. If I remember correctly, those are the basis for that serum involved with her plans."

I grimace and nod, unable to argue. "It is, and thankfully it's the only component that is working at the moment." I stop myself from shivering at the thought of the serum Chase is referring to then wave that away before returning to the subject at hand. "Giving her a phone would be too telling, not to mention Four would be suspicious as hell about that, but what about his phone? Would you be able to hack into it and use that tracking app you created?"

"Not remotely. I would need the thing to put the app on it first, but after it's there I could access his phone."

"Shit," I grumble moodily, knowing that isn't going to happen. "Then I guess we'll be watching vid feeds all night."

He agreed, then we spent the next ten minutes going over where we could set up the operation and narrowing down the men we wanted to have on standby. There wasn't much else we could do until the time actually came and I hated how reactionary the plan was but knew that was as good as we were going to get.

"Are you still going to do dinner with her at your apartment?"

"Mhmm," I reply while purposely not looking up at him, instead I was looking over his scoring and rank suggestions for the Dauntless-born.

"Do you think you're going to be able to handle that?" I don't need to look at him to know he's wearing a smirk on his face.

"Are you suggesting that I don't have sufficient control to be able to handle it?" I ask as I look up at him and quirk my eyebrow.

He breaks out into laughter and subsides with a shit-eating grin. "I'm suggesting that without even trying Kat could tempt the Pope and you are nowhere close to being a pious, celibate priest. I also remember this morning at breakfast and that girl seemed bound and determined to break you. So you, my friend, are in for a world of hurt."

I can't help the groan and expression of pain that escapes me remembering everything that happened this morning, from the roof until I had to go to Max's office. But especially sitting beside her at breakfast and the teasing touches she kept slipping on the sly under the table.

"Jesus, don't fucking remind me," I mutter before shaking my head and scowling. "Well, I'm just going to have to risk it. As much as I've been glad you guys have been there for me, this is one thing she and I need to be alone for so we can talk."

Chase holds his hands up in surrender, his expression mostly amused but with just the slightest touch of tension around his eyes. "Fine by me, that's not a conversation I want to be there for either. Still, unless you plan on making sandwiches or picking up some take-away you might want to head out." He informs me while tapping his watch, causing me to look down at mine as well.

"Shit," I exclaimed and started packing my up hurriedly. "Okay, I need to go pick something up to make. You'll make sure she gets to the apartment?"

Chase stands but shakes his head a little. "I'll be in control setting things up for tonight and making sure our target doesn't try to scramble the cameras or systems. But I will keep an eye out for her on the cameras and send a message to Zach when she heads that way."

"Thanks," I mumble as we walk out my office door and I turn to lock up.

~~Worth Fighting For~~

Most factions are like Dauntless in that they have a cafeteria or public eating area where meals are provided at the expense of the faction. What kind of meals they serve, how many they provide, and what times they are provided at all vary by the faction. But even back in Erudite, I preferred to eat at home rather than with a bunch of other people and I still prefer it now. Luckily I'm not the only one that would rather not go to the dining hall or even one of the other places that serve food that can be bought for points. Because of this Dauntless has a few shops that sell grocery items that can be bought. I'm able to get in there, get what I need, and get out pretty quickly.

I'm not looking to make anything fancy or complicated, that's not really my style and thankfully it's not Kat's either. With this in mind, I decided to do something I'm pretty sure she will appreciate. I've noticed that while she's always open to trying new things she definitely still has some of her Abnegation preferences for simple foods. I went with a baked chicken breast that I stuffed with cream cheese, chive and bacon mixture. Because I know they are her favorite sides I added mashed potatoes and green beans to complete our meal.

I get all of that started, splitting it between the oven and stovetop, then I do a quick cleanup of the apartment. This last thing I start more as a way to keep myself busy than the apartment actually needing it. The side dishes are ready before Kat gets here, so I put them in something to keep everything warm on the warming setting in that part of the oven then sit back and wait. It doesn't take too much longer for Chase to message me that she's on the way and five minutes later I finally hear the code being entered and the door opens.

Kat walks in ahead of Zach, but my friend takes one step in and grins at me before stepping back out and closing the door behind him. Kat watches all this with a frown.

"Chase and Zach aren't coming?"

I think I almost hear a tremor in her voice as she asks this question hinting that she's just as nervous about this as I am. I smile tightly in response as I walk to her and take her hand in mine, pulling her further into the apartment.

"They have some work that needs to be done. Chase is still doing some things for initiation as well as some other work he needs to get caught up on. Zach will be working on a few reports that Max is needing for Candor. But honestly, they also thought it would be good for us to have some time alone."

She smiles shyly, blushing as she takes in my answer.

"Alone time sounds good." She replies in a slightly hushed tone then biting on her lower lip and looking up at me through her lashes.

Keep it together, Coulter.

"Here let me take that," I say after clearing my throat and reaching out to help with her jacket.

The blush deepens a little but she shrugs out of the jacket, letting me take it from her. I end up just tossing it onto the back of armchairs, not wanting to move away from her while I look her over. What she's wearing looks a lot like the clothes the three of us picked out for her to wear when the initiates all went to the fence. A closer look confirms that it is the same shirt with very similar pants. I already knew she was wearing the same jacket. She wears that a lot around the compound when not in training. A smile tilts my lips when I realize what she picked to wear and I feel a small amount of smug satisfaction about it.

Her hair is up in the style I heard her talking to Lynn about and I like it. It suits her personality and Dauntless. But while I like it, I've always preferred her hair down. It goes down to the middle of her back and I love how wild it seems. It's not exactly curly but there are definite waves mixed in with the silky straight strands. It never fails to make me want to wrap it up in my fists. But I get why she's wearing it like that and why she wants to wear this style tomorrow.

I take her hand and lead her over to the couch. We have a bit of time before the chicken is done so we can relax for a bit. I pull her beside me as we take a seat and I notice the new tattoo behind her ear. I can't resist tracing it gently, aware that it will likely still be raw and because I know she wouldn't have accepted the numbing cream.

"Do you like it?" She asks breathily, making me smile.

"I do. It's a bit of an unusual design but what they stand for, Adrenaline and Serotonin...is very Dauntless." I murmur as I lean in and brush my lips against her ear. "And although I like the hair...I think I'm going to like messing it up more." I growl softly then nip her earlobe between my teeth, causing her to shiver.

"M'Kay," She moans out.

I pull away then cup the side of her face in one hand and chuckle when she makes the tiniest of whimpers when I do. I take the time to look over her injuries now that she's cleaned up and been treated. I'm pleased to note that Shauna followed orders and I hope that she kept quiet about it. I know me frequently ordering the advanced meds will be noticed sooner or later, but I'm hoping like hell that Kat doesn't need them again now that fights are over.

As it is, her face is still fairly banged up. The serums and gels will help to heal them faster and some of them are already starting to look better. Her nose wasn't broken, she just bled a good bit and there was some swelling that will take a few days to go down. There are quite a few smaller cuts on her face. The worst of those are the one on her lip and the one above her eye. That one, the one above her left eye, will leave a scar through the eyebrow. Not a huge one but it will be noticeable.

But those are just the ones that are more visible. I know she took a few good hits to her upper body. While I did get the report from the clinic that she was fully cleared with nothing more than just some deep bruising I also know that because of the other crap going on with her it's likely to be hurting her pretty badly.

"I have the meds you usually take already laid out but how are you feeling? Is the pain in your back better? I need to know so if I need to I can add some things that will help with it." Because I know she wouldn't have accepted it from Shauna but she damn well from me.

I'm still seething inside at Edward and the fact that he hurt her. I don't give a damn that she was right when she said that him using her weakness was the Dauntless thing to do. Or even that, as she pointed out, had he not used it against anyone else besides her I would have probably come down on him hard.

The point is that he used something against her that I caused and he needed to pay for that.

She smiles softly at me and leans into my hand. "It still hurts but it's getting better. Still, I won't object to any medications that can help speed that along." She pauses and smirks at me. "Just like I didn't object to what Shauna was using. On your orders I'm sure." She leans in and places a soft kiss against my lips and then murmurs, "Thank you, Eric."...against them.

I think she genuinely meant the kiss to be a reflection of her thanks and not for it to turn into anything more than that, but neither of us had the strength to pull back from taking it further. I know I sure as hell didn't. Then when even our lips being connected wasn't enough, I pulled her into my lap and kissed her hungrily until I did finally ease it back when I remember that her bottom lip is swollen and has a small cut on it.

I flick my tongue out over it in a soothing manner then gently suck her lower lip into my mouth causing her to moan softly. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I nip at her bottom lip. Not hard enough to really hurt her, but hard enough that it draws a gasp from her. Her nails curl into me and she pulls me even closer while arching up. It isn't until the slight twinge of copper coats our lips that I come to my senses and withdraw with a soothing swipe before pulling back completely.

She liked it, I know...and fuck if I didn't too...but that's not something I'm going to permit myself to enjoy doing with her no matter how small the amount of pain it is.

She's too good for shit like that...too good for me...

"Hey," Kat catches my attention, her forehead wrinkled in worry. She's searching my eyes for something and I can tell she's not understanding my expression or why my mood darkened so fast. "What's going on?"

I debated answering her at all then I remembered Zach's advice when he used some of that Candor bluntness and told me a truth I didn't want to hear at the time. When he reminded me that I was probably never going to be able to get rid of the demons that haunt me or those voices in my head that torment me, but I can't shut Kat out when it happens. I'm not ready to take his other advice and let her see all that but I will try to be a bit more truthful and open with her.

"I don't like hurting you," I admit with a shrug. "No matter the reason. It's just not something I'm okay with." I finish gruffly.

Kat's quiet for a few more seconds than I feel like I can stand before she smiles softly and nods. "I know and I understand, Eric. Just...please don't treat me like I'm made of glass. I admit, I'm really inexperienced when it comes to this, and to a lot of things, but I'm not a porcelain doll that needs to be handled with care either."

Her words are soft, her tone is reassuring, but what has captivated me are her eyes which are burning gold with determination and a good bit of that defiance she has whenever we've been facing off in training. They are exactly like they have been when I pull back from going at her too hard and she doesn't stand for it and she challenges me.

"Either push your limits or suffocate in your comfort zone, Eric."

That is one of my kitten's mantras and she hadn't hesitated in throwing that in my face as a taunt one time when our sparring was getting too intense and I backed down. I can see that same fire in her eyes and just like that day. And just like on that day it drives me to meet her challenge.

All of my carefully laid out plans for how this night was going to go when she got here are blown to hell. Driven out by the hunger for her that she makes me feel.

Her surprised squeak when I claim her mouth again, that's followed immediately by a throaty moan, drives away what little control I had. From the beginning it's felt like Kat is not only the match that sparked the fire that has been slowly dying inside of me but she's also the igniter fluid that's making it burn even brighter, more out of control than I've ever allowed myself to be.

Just when I'm thinking about flipping us so that I can pin her writhing body under me on my couch the alarm I set for dinner goes off. I pull away, breathing hard and Kat tries to pull me back with that determined look in her eyes again. I shake my head and have to grab her hands to stop her from snaking them between us.

Kat growls and glares at me. "I'm going to just throw away every damn alarm and phone if this keeps up."

Holy shit. That look in her eyes and the husky tone of voice almost has me saying fuck it to all the plans and orders I've been given, then lock us here in the apartment together. But Max's warning about what he would do if I overstep my authority, more than I've already been doing, plays in my mind and I know as much as I want to..I can't.

I get my breathing under control and lean forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She sighs and wraps her arms around my neck then buries her face in the crook of my shoulder.

"I know this sucks, kitten. Believe me, I fucking feel the same way. But we need to talk and you need to eat dinner. I promise that as soon as I can I'm going to lock us in this apartment and we're going to say fuck it to everyone and everything for a few days."

She nods without lifting her head. I think I hear her mumbling that it can't come soon enough. I chuckle softly and pass my hand down her back, purposely passing over her spine as lightly as I can. I listen and watch for her reaction, trying to gauge how bad she really is right now.

She fights her instinctive flinch by trying to tense up and hold it in but isn't completely successful. She moans a little, it's clearly in pain and not the desire filled ones from just seconds ago. This gives me all the strength of will I need to pull away.

It's becoming clear that the only thing greater than my desire for her is my absolute hate of seeing or knowing that she's in pain. Especially if I'm the cause of it. This thought has me gritting my jaw in determination then moving to disengage us. She sighs heavily when I move her to the couch off of my lap and get up to head to the kitchen.

"Need any help?"

I look up from pulling the chicken out of the oven to find her leaning against the counter.

"I thought I remembered you saying once you were done with anything that had to do with kitchens."

She blushes and shrugs. "I said I was okay if I never had to cook again but I don't mind helping out occasionally. Besides, this wouldn't be cooking would it?"

I smirk as I shake my head and then pull out the pitcher of water from the fridge and fill a couple of glasses of water. "Nah, I got this. Just take these over to the table for us and go ahead and take your meds. I have them ready for you at the table. I'll bring our plates out."

She does what I ask but grumbles as she walks over to the table. It doesn't take me long to dish everything up, grab our silverware and join her at the table. I try not to be too obvious as I watch her take her first few bites. When she got to the chicken she sighed a little in pleasure, closing her eyes for a second before she opened them and looked at me with a smile.

"It's really good, Eric." Her smile widened a bit before she chuckled and nudged me with an elbow. "You better start eating before it gets cold."

I huff a little and glared at her without any heat behind it while I pick up the fork I'd left beside my plate then finally take my first bite. If Kat sees that the back of my neck is a little red she doesn't say anything about it. In fact, neither of us really talk for the next several minutes. We just sat eating beside each other in silence, my leg pressed close against hers.

When thinking about having this dinner with Kat I hadn't thought about the fact that I wouldn't have Zach and Chase here to fill in the silence or keep the conversation going like they have been for the other times I've shared meals with Kat. I'm okay with mainly being quiet and listening to them...especially Kat...doing all the talking. Now I'm suddenly struck with worry that they aren't here to act as a buffer until I glance over at Kat, who smiles at me and takes a big bite of her mashed potatoes and all but moans. I realize she isn't the least bit bothered by it. It's not uncomfortable or awkward, but it will become that way if I do my normal thing and get inside my own head too much. Thankfully, I don't end up doing that. I do end up breaking the silence with something that has been on my mind since Kat's fight.

"I didn't say this right after and I'm sorry, Kat." I push some food around my plate before looking at her. "But you did really well in your fight. I should have told you that right away...I just…" I trail off, scowling and cutting off a piece of chicken with more force than necessary.

She reaches out and puts her hand over mine to stop me then threads her fingers with mine when I grasp her hand in mine. Kat squeezes it gently and smiles at me softly. "I get why you didn't, why you couldn't at the time. I really do. I would have been the same if it were anyone I cared about too. I just...I can't handle the thought that you are feeling guilty about it and I know you are even if you haven't said it." She pauses and turns to look at me full on in the eyes with a determined look in her eyes. "I can't lie, I did what I did because it was you. But I think...no, I know ...that I…"

She trails off, holding my eyes with her own, that determination is still there but there is also worry in them. She's worried about how I'm going to react...how I am reacting to what she's left unspoken.

She would have done what she did for anyone.

She can see that I'm working hard to control my temper, probably by the absolute absence of anything in my expression. I can't help it. The thought of her putting herself in danger for anyone, even me, is enough to make me livid.

"I can't be anything other than what I am, Eric," The words I once spoke to her are repeated back to me in her soft and firm voice.

The fork I had gripped tightly in my hand clatters to the plate and I lurch to my feet. Kat's expression turns hurt and she pulls her hand away, allowing me to step away from the table. I pace away from her in agitation and run a hand through my hair.

"You have no clue what knowing that does to me, kitten," I mumble after stopping to look at her. "I fucking hate it. I can't stand the thought of you hurt or in danger...at all. It feels like I'm being eaten up with the drive to protect you. Even from yourself, it comes down to it. It's my first instinct and I can't help that."

I watch her stand and take a step away from the table. I'm afraid that she's about to leave...and maybe she really will after I tell her everything on my mind, but I hope not.

"But just as much I feel all of that...I also feel fucking proud...amazed even...by how fiercely you protect those you care about. Hell, even how you do it for people you don't even like. I don't want to change you, Kat. But I need to protect you."

She lets out a shaky breath and continues her step forward but it's towards and not away from me. She smiles and her eyes are shining with so many emotions that I don't know what she's really feeling. "Thank you, Eric"

That's not a reaction I expected and it has me frowning heavily while not moving away from her touch when she puts her hands on my chest. In fact, my hands go to her hips and pull her closer, almost on instinct. "For what?" I don't bother to hide the absolute confusion I'm feeling right now.

"For not treating me like I'm weak or not as capable because of where I came from or that I'm a girl. Thank you for not wanting to change me…" She smiles as she pauses and looks away from me, over my shoulder like she's lost in thought or a memory "For accepting me as I am." Then her focus comes back to me again, smiling. "You've always shown me in your way that you didn't think that but...I didn't realize I needed to hear it too until just now."

Relief courses through me and I can only show that by pulling her against me more firmly and putting everything I'm feeling into the kiss I claim from her before I pull away and hold the sides of her face. Once again, my brother's advice proves to be right and I realize that while actions do speak louder than words...sometimes the words are needed just as much.

"I should thank you for the same thing, Kat." It looks like she's about to say something but I give a short jerk of my head and stop her. "Let me finish saying what I need to say. I need you to know and to remember this when you are so pissed at me you can't see straight. The part of me that needs to protect you isn't going to be a pretty side and I won't be very forgiving to whatever or whoever I think is a threat to that. I am going to be a complete and total dick about it, Kat. Because that's who I am. But it will never be because I think you are weak or that you can't handle things. If I wanted someone that would bow down to my wishes or not question me, to stand aside instead of beside me, I wouldn't be here with you now because I know that isn't you either. So if you can promise to try and remember about me then I'll promise to try and remember that about you when I'm pissed because you're being you and jump into shit I would rather you not."

Her hands curled into my shirt, fisting it as I was speaking and pulling me closer. Her breathing is ragged and there's a fire in her eyes. For a second I'm afraid I have completely pissed her off. That is until she jerks my shirt and pulls me towards her and then she's kissing me hungrily.

"Eric.." She gasps and breaks away then whimpers when I pull her back to my mouth. "I...we...should...talk…"

Each word is spaced between one of us pulling the other back until I realize what she said and that she's absolutely right. I manage to pull back but once I get a look at the way Kat's looking at me…

"We need to have that talk right now, Eric Coulter." She growls out in a pant and is glaring at me.

I swallow and nod before I look around and then pull her over to the couch with me, making sure she's sitting beside me, not on my lap like I first contemplated. I take the time while she's getting herself situated beside me and regaining her own composure to get my shit together and remember what I was going to tell her.

"Remember on the roof I said that one of the things I was trying to prevent was anyone having anything to use against you? Like trying to claim that you make the cuts, your eventual ranking, and possibly even your job because of me?"

"Of course. But anyone would be able to see that you don't exactly take it easy on me, Eric."

I shake my head and scowl. "The kind of people that would believe it in the first place aren't going to care about any of that. Mainly because of my reputation. I am the kind of guy that will do anything to get what I want, Kat. I will use any means necessary to get what I want in the end and I want you here with me."

I already expected her to get upset about this declaration but I can't lie to her that I don't or won't have those thoughts.

"I admit, it's crossed my mind but I saw for myself and now truly believe I would never need to do something like that. I also know that you would never let me do something like that and if I did...and you found out...I would risk losing you. That's not a risk I'm willing to take. This is also not something anyone who knows me even a little would ever think I would do. I'm not known for backing down or allowing things to be left to chance. I'm for fucking certain not someone that would do any of that because of how someone else thinks or feels about it."

I take a breath after I see this has placated her and I continue on. "This morning, you were worried about what Max wanted me for and that it might be to send me on patrols. I wasn't worried it could be that. What I was worried about was that I tipped my hand too much in going to the dorm and he found out about us. Turns out he already had suspicions and I just kind of confirmed them for him."

"Oh no," She gasps and covers her mouth with one trembling hand. I reach for it and tug it...then her...into my lap.

"It's going to be alright." I murmur against her forehead. "I don't know why...but I think that Max is okay with this." Then I pull back and look at her sternly. "But he did give me a warning that any hint of me using my position and rank to show you favoritism in any of the scorings or ranks and he would make both of us factionless. I assured him that I wouldn't and he accepted it, but he voiced the same fears I had. He's worried someone is going to use this when it comes out to claim I did favor you."

"Eric.." She says in a pained whisper and when I look into her eyes I see the same pain there. "I can't get you in trouble. Maybe we shouldn't…"

"No..no..no... don't even fucking say it ." She turns her head away from me and I grasp it and make her look at me. "We already said that staying away from each other would hurt more than it would help and we both already know how I feel about you being hurt. So you can put that thought right out of your head. Got it?"

She nods her head frantically, lips pursed and eyes brimming with tears. I curse and pull her back against my chest and take calming breaths while she just calms down.

I hear her sniff against my chest and take a breath. "Was that the only reason? Its just...you said reasons...like there was more than one."

"There are a few but that's definitely the main one."

"Then what are the other ones?"

I sigh and shrug. "The others are harder for me to explain but they tie into the first one, I guess. I don't want either of us to ever have doubts about each other and I know that once our relationship comes out people are more likely to play on any doubts we could have. So this is to make sure that doesn't happen."

Kat gets quiet for a few seconds. Her nose is scrunched up in thought. "Okay," She says slowly. "I guess I can kind of understand that. What I don't understand is how abstaining from being physical with each other but continuing to be together like we are right now would be the thing that stops any talk about us from others or our own doubts?"

Shit...she has me there. I can't tell her all of my reasons. How would I expect her to understand when I don't really understand myself? The only thing I can tell her is that it's what I need for us to do.

"I don't know. I just know this is the way it has to be."

"You're not being very logical, Eric." Her tone is so sweet and innocent that you wouldn't think the girl is trying to talk her way into my pants but that's exactly what she's fucking doing.

I have to blink and shake away the images that start to flood my mind about what would happen if I gave in.

" None of this is logical, Kat. That's exactly why I promised I would wait. This is already emotional as hell and it's not something I'm used to dealing with. Adding sex into that will just make it even more so and that's not something either of us needs right now. But honestly, I really don't want our first time... your first time...to have all this shit hanging over it."

She gets quiet and lowers her eyes before sighing and nodding then looking back up at me. "Okay, I understand now and while I don't really like it...I agree. So...what do we do? I don't want to stay away either but I'm not sure how this is going to work."

I cup the back of her head and bring hers forward to meet mine until our foreheads are pressed together.

"We're both adults here. We should be able to maintain some kind of control." I mutter in a huff that makes her smile a little as she pulls back and looks at me, waiting for me to continue. "I think we've already proven that we aren't going to be able to keep from being physical in some manner with each other but we need to set limits or a boundary. The main one being that we aren't going to even think about having actual sex until after initiation and even then that would only be if you're ready to."

Her lips curl up in a smile and she rolls her bottom lip inward for a second before releasing it. She has that goddamn wicked look in her eye again and I'm wondering what the hell I just got myself into.

"So, no actual sex...does that mean anything else is fair game?"

It takes a few seconds for me to be able to answer because she started to trail the tips of her fingers along the bare skin above the neckline of my shirt. "I guess so," I finally mutter.

She makes a humming sound, one that I know she has something on her mind and in store for me. As much as I would love that I know we're running out of time.

"Kitten," I grab her chin and make her look at me. "We don't have much time before you have to go and we still need to talk. I know about the punishment you're serving with Four tonight."

She nods and I catch a flash of fear and apprehension in her eyes. "He told me about it this morning." She whispers.

"Do you know what you two will be doing?" I ask while trying to keep the worry and anger from my tone.

"I was told the assigned punishment will be going with him to check on some cameras outside of the compound." She finally replied while looking away from me, her brow wrinkled in worry.

I know she has to be worried about going out there again so soon after the attack and it makes me want to kick Four's ass for this.

"Yeah, that's what I heard too. But listen, as much as I hate to admit it, Four is skilled and a good soldier. If he thinks there's going to be trouble, listen to him. Okay? Promise me that and that you'll be careful."

I don't know why I don't tell her that I know what she's really been assigned to do. I'm not sure if Four would have told her that when he informed her of the punishment being reinstated.

Maybe some part of me is hoping something will come up in the small amount of time before they have to leave that will stop it?

"I promise I will try to be careful and I will also try not to be stubborn and refuse to listen to him just because I know it will piss him off." She has a playful smile on her lips. That and her promise give me a small measure of relief. Then she turns serious and reaches out until her hands are on either side of my face.

"I need you to know that if I could choose I would want to be with you out there tonight." She hesitates and a frown tilts her lips while her brow wrinkles a little with worry. "But it has to be this way so I promise I'll do what is needed and come back to you, Eric."

I don't even know how to handle the emotions her words cause me to feel. The pleasure that she wants me to be out there with her. But mostly it's her saying she's going to come back to me.

"Fuck it. You can be late." I growl just before I pull her forward and devour the moan that immediately escapes her.

I'm flirting with disaster here...in a big way...but fuck if I give a shit at the moment.