Chapter 51 - Broken Halos
Eric
I reach into the fridge and pull out the leftovers from dinner to warm up for us. When I mentioned eating to Kat, it had mainly been a stall tactic to give me a bit more time to prepare myself for the conversation we are about to have. But after getting into the shower with Kat and the inevitable make-out session in there, we realized we were hungry for more than just each other. So I used that as an excuse to leave her in the shower while she washed her hair and I jumped out to get the food warmed up and to make the call to Chase letting him know I would need him to cover for me keeping Kat here tonight.
She protested staying the rest of the night.
First, because she's worried about getting me into trouble and then because she had no clothes for tomorrow. I was able to dismiss both of those by telling her Chase would have it covered and that one side of my closet has clothes for her in it. She gave me an odd look for a second before nodding distractedly and going back to finish her shower.
With the food plated up and in the micro I turn to my next task but even with this, I find a reason to delay it. Even if it is only enough time to pull on nightclothes, retrieve my phone from my vest and then deal with the pile of our clothes on my floor.
I pull up my missed calls and messages. As I suspected, they've been blowing my phone up as more time has gone past. I'm sure they held back at first but the radio silence from me got to them. I'm actually surprised they haven't already made an appearance tonight. I shoot them a message that all is well and Kat is staying with me tonight.
Zach accepts this but demands more details in the morning. I don't get so lucky with Chase and my phone lights up with his incoming call.
"You don't think I need a bit more information to go on other than that? Did she tell you anything about him? Is she okay…" He trails off and gets quiet. I can tell he's fighting himself on his desire to demand to speak with her.
"Look," I sigh and run a hand through my wet hair and rub the back of my neck. "We haven't really had the chance to talk about all that yet. She's in the shower right now and then we're going to eat since neither of us really had all that much at dinner. I figure that will give us a chance to talk now that we're able to think a little clearer."
"You haven't had a chance? What the hell have you…" He cuts himself off and grumbles a bit when he realizes one of the possible things we could have been up to all this time.
He's not all wrong but I don't want to hurt my brother more than I know he already is at the moment.
"It's not like that, Chase. I just...I got her back here and had all these thoughts in my head about what I thought happened and what I was going to do to her because of it. But then...she just fucking knocked me back on my ass by saying she's divergent. Just straight up came out with it. Not only that, but she was basically turning herself in! She said she trusted me to do what was right for the city. What the fuck was I supposed to with that?"
He goes quiet, probably as stunned as I felt when it happened before I hear him curse softly. "Did she bring up the divergence first or did you?"
"She did. Thinking back on how she was from the moment Four left her at the dorm, I think she came back here determined to find me and tell me if I hadn't gotten to her first. I don't know what happened when she went out...what Amar or whoever she was meeting...might have said to her but I don't think it was what I first thought it was when I saw him." I hear movement in my bedroom. I know Kat is out of the shower and getting dressed so I wrap up the call. "We'll still see you guys at breakfast here at the apartment but I'm sure she's going to want to go get ready for the day with her sister in the dorm. It was already going to be a tense day and I think having you two here would be good for her."
"You still want me to set up that thing we talked about?"
I nod thoughtfully. "Yeah. It'll be a good break...for all of us. I have a feeling things are just going to get even more intense for us."
"Roger that. I'll make sure that's taken care of and that you're in the clear for tonight."
"Thanks, brother," I reply sincerely. We hang up a few seconds before Kat comes out of the room.
Her hair is in a bun on top of her head, the color a bit darker because it's still wet but the messy casual style seems to be the way she likes wearing it just after a shower. Unlike just after the last shower she was fresh out of in her dorm, she's not wrapped in only a towel. This time she's wearing one of the simple sleepwear sets Zach picked out for her which consists of a black tank top and grey sweatpant shorts.
It doesn't matter that she's more covered up than the last time, I react the same way. Kat just out of the shower and ready for bed is just about the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen and I know that for years to come it's going to be the thing that fuels my dreams when she's not in my bed with me.
She smiles, walking slowly towards me and the pink tinge on her skin from the shower deepens as I look at her heatedly. There's no mistaking my look for anything other than it is and I don't bother to stop myself when I reach out and pull her against me.
"I thought you said we needed to have that talk." She cheekily grins up at me, one of her arms going around my waist and the other laying on my shirt covered chest.
I grunt at first in response but turn more into her. "We are. I'm warming up our food. Then we sit, eat, and talk."
She shrugs, still grinning. "Sounds good to me. Like I said in the shower, I am pretty hungry."
"I can't imagine why. It's not like you've been doing something that works up an appetite, have you?" I smirk and wink as blushes red and pushes away from me just as the buzzer for the microwave goes off. "Let's sit in the living room." I direct her after I've grabbed our plates and she's grabbed us two drinks.
On our way, we passed the spot where I dropped the knife. My playful mood dries up at the sobering and stark reminder of all that happened. All that could have happened. I tensed slightly when I saw her looking down at it as well, wondering if the sight of it laying there on the floor would have her moving away from me. Wanting to distance herself, finally, like I've been expecting her to do since I realized I had the damn thing in my hand.
Instead, Kat gets close to me as she takes a seat next to me on the couch. She scoots right up next to me, allowing us to have room to eat but still be touching in some way. It's reassuring that she wants to be close but we still sit there in silence for the first few minutes. When that gets to be too much for me I pick up the remote and find something mindless to put on.
I've never been able to stand the quiet of my apartment well. There is something about the silence that seems to encourage me in my worst thoughts. There have been times I've embraced that and would sit here brooding but I mostly combat this by either having the vidscreen on for background noise, or my brother's here to fill the silence with their banter.
We eat and watch the program together. When we are done eating, I put the plates on the coffee table for now and then settle back onto the couch with her to watch a bit more. I'm not in any hurry to break the comfortable little bubble we are in right now with her snuggled into my side as we stare ahead at the vidscreen. But the time is quickly ticking by and if we are going to do this, then we need to do it now.
I guess Kat was thinking somewhat on the same lines because she's the first to break the silence.
"Are you sure it's going to be okay...my being here?" She asks softly. I look down at her, she has her head on my chest still but she's not looking at me and she's not really looking at the screen either.
"Chase has it covered, kitten."
"I know you said that but I…" She stops and sighs then shakes her head. "Never mind."
"No, go ahead and say what you were thinking, Kat." I frown and grab the remote then mute the sound and look at her, giving her my full attention while honestly wishing I just kept my fucking mouth shut and left it alone.
There's a question that's been hanging in the air since just after I jumped out of bed. One that I knew was going to have to be answered at some point but had been hoping I could put some time and distance between me and the past before it came around. I guess I had been hoping that I would have time to make up for the actions of my past that had been based on false or skewed information.
The problem is that I don't think that would ever be possible to do.
Largely because I don't have it in me to regret choices I made that I honestly felt was the only way to have some kind of justice for my parents and others like them. I had to make someone pay for taking them away from me. Now, thinking about all those caught in the storm of my rage, there is a strong possibility that some of them might have been innocent. But I also know that there is just as strong of a possibility that they weren't and that they were guilty of the other crimes they had been charged with besides just being divergent. So in the end they got what they deserved. That might make me out to be a vengeful bastard but it's the truth.
I'm in no hurry for Kat to realize this for herself.
Kat shifts away from my side. Not pulling away so much as turning so that she's facing me now, and pulls her legs up until she's sitting with one in a half Indian-position with the other on the floor. I try not to make an internal comment or grumble about the move and reposition myself so that we are now mostly facing each other.
"You said at dinner that Max warned you about us. Won't he find out about tonight and if he does, will he want to punish one or both of us?"
"If he realizes that you never entered the dorm after Four dropped you off, which is doubtful because the only people that know that at all are me, you, Zach and Chase; then he might have a few words for me but I don't think it will go further than that. I did what he ordered me to do and didn't interfere in your little field trip with Four then was discreet in getting you here. As long as we don't do this too much or be completely obvious about it...we should be good."
I hesitate at the end, not a lot but enough for her to pick up on it. As I was answering her I got thinking about others that might be potentially watching every move I make. Jeanine does seem to know much more about events here in Dauntless than what I inform her about. I'm pretty sure James has been trying to work his way into a position of power with her because he certainly isn't getting anymore here. He might be a leader here but he's one wrong step away from Max busting his rank down and possibly made factionless.
Victoria might have the most interaction with Erudite besides myself and Raze, but she very rarely interacts with the Erudite leaders. Instead, she prefers to keep her contact limited to the departments that provide her the tech and materials she needs to run her own department here.
It would likely be a cold day in hell before Raze willingly had anything to do with Erudite and he's said as much in the past.
I realize during this mental evaluation, I've disregarded the rest of the faction as being a real threat because I outrank everyone and I don't like how unsettled that has made me feel.
"He ordered you not to stop us? So you knew what I was doing at dinner?" Her question interrupts my train of thought and I frown at the abrupt change of direction. I can't tell if she's upset but there is a definite strain in her tone.
"All he could tell me was that Four was taking you to try and get information about the events at capture but not how or specifically why you. He didn't even tell me if you would know about it prior to it happening. I figured out why he might be allowing it and that he might not want me to interfere but he definitely wanted eyes on you two."
"Oh," Her eyes go a little wide as realization kicks in for her then something else flashes in them, worry or anger...maybe both. "So you were following us? Eric! Do you know how dangerous that could have been! That was exactly what I was afraid of and why I couldn't tell you. What if you had been seen and whoever was after you finally caught up to you!"
She's working herself into a right tizzy and slaps a hand against my shoulder. If it weren't for the tears forming in her eyes and how truly upset and scared I can see she is I would be amused that somehow things got turned around and now she's coming down on me!
I can't help the laugh that escapes me as I try to catch her hand and stop her.
"It's not funny dammit!" She screeches and I swear she was about to launch herself at me if I hadn't already been in the process of grabbing her and pulling her closer to me again.
"It's not. You're right. It's just a complete 180 from earlier. I was beyond pissed at what I saw...on the vid feeds…" I stress those words slowly and firmly enough that they alone calm her down and stop her struggling in my lap "...but when I saw someone alive and well that I have believed to be dead for six years...well...saying I was livid is an understatement."
She goes still and looks at me, processing it. Maybe even connecting things. "You said I betrayed Dauntless and you." She whispers shakily, softly before she continues on a bit more firmly after I nod tightly in response. "I couldn't figure out what you were meaning by that. I knew that in a way I considered my leaving with Four and having to keep the reason a secret was me betraying you, but I was doing it for you...for Dauntless."
"Kat...you have to know...that's not what it looked like though. To me...it looked like you really were everything I had been told divergents were but that I had started to deny because...because I wanted you to be different. It felt like I was being played. Before his supposed death, there were suspicions of Amar being divergent. I didn't believe it...actually...that's not true. I had thought the suspicions were true but hoped they weren't and was even trying to figure out a way that I could make the suspicions go away. Then he was gone, only for him to reappear in the company of the only other person that made me think differently about divergents. It's been hammered into my head that people who are divergent aren't capable of being anything other than a threat to our city. That they all have one goal and that is to create chaos and destruction in each of the factions in ways that aren't always overt or violent. It isn't that much of a stretch to think that they would try and use personal connections to do this."
"You thought I was...or that I am...some kind of setup?" She whispers brokenly.
"I did." It hurts to admit it just as much as it did to think about it. "You came along and...the things you've said...the things you've told us about your past...they're just so goddamn similar to our own pasts. Then the attack happens at capture followed by that meeting with the factionless."
"You think I set up something during capture? That maybe I arranged to be there with you and throw myself in front of the darts? Do you really think I did that, Eric?"
She's shrinking in on herself, maybe not physically but I can see it in her eyes. This admission combined with her fear...it's driving her further into herself and I can't let that happen.
I cup the side of her face and make her look at me. "For a brief moment, I did, Kat. We are talking about years of conditioning and living in paranoia that I'm trying my damndest to get through here. So, it took a kick up the ass from you but as soon as you got back...as soon as you were here in the apartment with me...I was able to see past all that."
"So it's true...what I was told about you. You hunt divergents." I wince as if struck. I knew the question was going to come up tonight given what happened. But it isn't even a question from her. Just a statement and not even one with anger in it...I think that would actually be better.
But her soft, sorrowful, disappointed tone guts me to the goddamn core.
"I have been involved in locating people that were suspected divergents that had also committed other crimes. Those that have been found guilty of those charges or evidence of the crimes being clear, were turned over to Erudite instead of Candor. This has mostly been under Dauntless sanctions."
I leave unsaid that there have been a few that weren't sanctioned that I was expected to follow through on anyways.
I brace myself for her reaction and I'm not sure what I want it to be at this point. Maybe, there is a part of me that's hoping there's enough Dauntless in her to see it from that point of view.
She bites her lip and looks down for a few long...very long...seconds. Her hand on my chest that is curled into it a little, as if she's holding onto me, is the only thing that seems to hold me together at the moment.
"You're a soldier through and through. Soldiers follow orders and carry them out, sometimes with single-minded persistence and you were trained before you even left Erudite to do that." Her words are a whisper and sound more like she's reciting something than stating it herself.
"Did Amar tell you that?" I ask gruffly, not sparing a thought to hope that extremely true assessment doesn't condemn me in her eyes.
She looks back up at me without disgust or anger or any of the many things I've imagined in her eyes at this exact moment. I don't know what she's really thinking or feeling...I might be reading into what I do see...but there might be acceptance there.
"From Amar and the other person, I went to see tonight. She warned me away from you but Amar...he just told me to follow my instincts and trust my own judgment."
I can't help the deep frown on my face right now. While Amar's words wouldn't have surprised me before his faked death...they are a surprise now that he's been found alive and in the company of factionless who apparently know more about me than I'm comfortable with.
"That's it? That's all he's had to say about me?" I scoff in disbelief and she smiles at me, a little bit of mischievousness in it.
"Oh, that's not all he had to say about you." I scowl at that and her soft laugh right after it. "Eric….Amar was the one that helped me prepare the most before coming here. It wasn't just Uri, Lynn, and Mar. He was also the one that advised about most of the important things regarding initiation. Before tonight, though, his advice about you was to remain respectful, don't do dumb shit, and realize that all the people who will be our trainers are there to do a job and sometimes...that will be to break us. He's the reason I understand why you did or will do some of the things you've done."
I fight a smile at some of the things Amar has advised her about. I can imagine just how he said it and the possible examples he followed up each instruction with. This only serves to ignite a bit of the anger I felt when I first saw him but I realize that part of that is being angry at feeling hurt that I don't know what caused him to do what he's done.
"How long have you known Amar, Kat? More importantly...how long has fucking Four known he's alive?"
"I've known him for a long time but until about three years ago, I didn't know who Amar was. I met him one day when visiting a group of women to give them things I had collected for them and the children with them. I got to know him a bit more each time I would visit and he was around. I knew he had been from Dauntless but left for some reason or another. He never said why or made a big deal of it. Neither you or Four ever came up during that time. It wasn't until Four and I happened to be visiting at the same time, and he recognized him, that I found out he was supposedly dead and that he had been Four's instructor during his initiation."
"Did he ever say why he faked his death?" I barely get the words out of my clenched jaw when I realize that means Four, the asshole, has known about him being alive for three years.
She nods slowly, watching me carefully. "He told me a little about it after Four confronted him and their fight afterward. Apparently Amar had been attacked on four separate occasions, each one getting worse and more brutal. One was staged as a challenge...or something like the challenges that can often happen in Dauntless. But he won against those guys. The other times he was jumped or ambushed. He never said if he knew why it kept happening or who was doing it but after the last one, where they attacked him in his apartment while he was sleeping, he knew the only way they were going to stop was if he was dead. So he faked his death and disappeared."
Kat is capable of forgiving a lot of things in regards to herself but she wouldn't forgive so easily if it involved someone she cared about. I can tell that she cares for Amar. The fact that Kat hasn't even hinted at Amar implicating me in any way means that he most likely doesn't blame me either or think I had been involved in some way.
I'm quiet for a second, processing all this information and deciding to put a pin in what I'm feeling about Amar for now.
"You said 'she' warned you away from me. Who is 'she' exactly and what else did she say?"
The smile drops from her face and she frowns. "I can't tell you that." She must see from my expression that reply isn't going to cut it. "I can tell you why I went to her and who she is to me."
I nod briefly and sigh heavily. It has more than a bit of a disgruntled growl in it. I don't like her keeping anything from me but she's at least offering me something instead of just no answer at all.
"Remember how I told you about the fallen?" She pauses for my answer, which is just another terse nod. "She's one of them although she didn't choose to leave and go factionless. Years ago she was attacked and left for dead. Someone found her and got her help, nursed back to health but it took years for that to happen. The attack left her...disabled...I guess you could say. She has health issues but the thing that took the longest was she lost her memory. She didn't even know who she was for the longest time and then when she did remember who she was she couldn't remember anything that happened for a couple of years before the attack. While she has regained those memories...she was...she is...still so broken. She has issues being around men or physical contact with others. There are times when she isolates herself because of the anxiety that being around people makes her feel. Unfortunately, people that are sick or disabled don't fare well among the factionless. Someone brought her among a small grouping of the fallen and from there a more organized group was formed after she recovered enough. I guess you could say she's actually kind of a leader. Amar is too. They don't consider themselves to be a leader but the others look to them for guidance after they were the ones to organize things to get them together and get away from the others. Her group is mainly made up of former Abnegation but then there are also a good amount of women and children with them that they try to protect and provide for. The rest are men that either has kids or a wife there with them or just men who don't agree with what goes on with the other factionless."
She pauses and reaches for her glass of water on the coffee table then settles back into my lap and takes a few sips. I take the opportunity to ask the first of my questions.
"Why is she important to you? I'm guessing it's not just because she's one of the fallen. Did you know her in Abnegation?"
She shakes her head and lowers the glass. "No. I didn't meet her until well after she had been gone from the faction and even when she was there I was really young. I met her when she first came back from Amity. That's where she had been taken after the attack that left her on the brink of death."
I scowl heavily. "Amity? I'm confused...why was she in Amity?"
"I'm not sure about all the details but I know that Amity helps the factionless out. As far as I know, it's just that they've helped the group I'm talking about. They don't go against the law and shelter them but they do provide them their faction's type of medical care and allow them the ability to trade with them for things they might need. Even if the only thing the factionless really have to offer for trade is to do work. In her case, she was taken there to be helped medically but she stayed for longer than normal because of the extenuating circumstances her memory loss and emotional issues presented."
She's hedging around the issue and I get the idea that she doesn't want to say too much about this woman to protect her. So I decide not to push that issue and get back on track.
"So this mystery woman and Amar lead this other group of factionless and you went to them to find out about the attack?"
"Yes."
"Did they give you any information about it?"
"They weren't able to get much information because they try to stay as far away from the other group as possible. In fact, they've had to move further away from them than they ever had to before just because of the increase of attacks and raids of their supplies that have been happening."
"We got a request recently for extra patrols and sweeps of Candor. When we saw you going there, it got us thinking about that request. It was denied for now but we might not have a choice but to follow it up if we get another one or more reports of vandalism."
"Dammit." She mutters angrily under her breath. "That's just what they need with winter coming up. They won't be able to find a new base and get it set-up before then if they are forced out of Candor."
I clench my jaw and look away from her, cursing myself and the situation. I can't bring myself to care like I know she does and I'm dreading her asking something from me to help people that really and truly are valid dangers to our society. They might be better than the others, this group of fallen Abnegation and the ones they collect in their ranks, but they've still decided to go against our society's laws and order because they don't suit them and still expect to be treated like one of our citizens.
I realize it's been quiet for several seconds and I turn back to look at her.
She's not even looking at me. Her eyes are on the vidscreen but I can tell she's not seeing anything on it. Kat looks deep in thought and like she's trying to figure something out. It strikes me that she hasn't once looked at me for help or answers and she damn sure hasn't tried to get me to do something about this for her. I'm pretty sure if left up to her she would try and take care of this on her own. Maybe even sneak out to warn the other group or get Four to take her again.
I don't know how I feel about the fact that it hasn't entered her mind to even try and get me to help.
"I'll see what I can do," I grunt out, causing her to startle and look at me in surprise.
"Eric…I'm not..."
"I know you're not," I leave unsaid that it's probably why I'm doing this at all. "And I'm not promising anything either. I said I'll see what I can do and I will. But if things escalate or more incidents happen then it might be taken out of our hands. It sounds like this group keeps to themselves and won't cause problems. So I'll talk to Chase and we'll see what we can do."
She nods while letting out a breath and a bit of the tension in her easing. "Thank you, Eric. I know that's a lot to ask of you and I don't expect you to do anything that could get you in trouble. I also know how you feel about the factionless in general...so I just...want you to know I appreciate even considering helping."
"Kat...I can't and won't apologize for the methods I've had to use when dealing with the factionless. I know that might seem harsh but the things I've seen they are capable of and the general attitude they have left me with no choice but to come down on them hard."
Kat leans forward and puts the glass back on the table then turns back to me and winds her arms around my neck while looking into my eyes. "I know, Eric. I might not approach things as you would but I do understand why you have. Why do you think a second group even exists? I know exactly what some of them are capable of. I've seen what they are capable of."
Her body quivers slightly with the shudders that run through her. She has a faraway, haunted look in her eyes. It reminds me of the same look I've seen in them before when she's talking about the factionless and other small comments she's made about her life before. There's so fucking much that I still don't know...that I need to know...but that will need to happen some other time.
I bring her closer, wrapping her in my arms and sigh heavily against the top of her head. "At some point, Kat, we are going to need to have a long talk about you and the factionless. And when we do...you will tell me everything. No more throwing out one or two things in an effort to placate or distract me. Understand?"
She nods against my chest and mumbles her agreement. She's exhausted, I can tell. Hell, I'm fucking exhausted myself. I'm looking forward to getting Kat back into bed with me but this time all that's on my mind is sleep. That will have to wait a little while longer.
"What else were you able to find out about the attack?"
"All Amar could tell us was that there had been a rumor of an attack being planned in retaliation for something that happened recently. They didn't know who the target would be or what they were retaliating for." She sighs and pushes back to look at me wearily. "The only thing they really had more information on was the darts used in the attack."
That certainly has my attention. "They know about them?"
She nods, frowning. "I've told you that they are being constantly harassed as well as outright attacked by the others, well recently in the attacks the darts have been used. She told me that there have been some that have died because of the darts while others have various injuries that they never recover from. Everyone but the divergents." She looks up at me with a bit of fear in her eyes. "I told her about getting hit by two of those darts."
I flinched, closing my eyes for a second. "It wasn't just two darts, Kat." I barely get the admission out. If I could get away with not telling her I would. But we promised not to keep anything from each other. I open my eyes to find her looking at me, the truth dawning on her, and her expression morphing into horror at what that means.
"How many?" She whispers.
"All of them. All ten of them were the modified darts."
Kat breaks down in my arms. Slowly at first because she fights against it so damn hard and I know it's because she doesn't want me to see. It starts with her softly muttering the word 'no' over and over again while shaking her head. Then she goes quiet, her head hanging down so that I don't see the reason her body is shaking is that she's begun to silently sob but I know what's happening. She refuses to look at me but doesn't try to stop me from holding her close.
If her tears weren't killing me, her brokenly asking me 'what am I' does.
"Kat, I may not have all the answers but what I do know is that you've proven to me being divergent isn't the threat I've been warned about. You said you trusted me to do what's right and that's exactly what I plan to do. We're going to have to be careful and you're going to have to learn the things that are looked for regarding Divergence. Our immediate concern is fear sims but the three of us have come up with a plan for that."
"What about the serums, Eric. She told me, after how much I got hit with, I shouldn't even be able to move and that was when I thought I only got hit by two of them. What's going to happen when it comes out that it wasn't just two."
"Nothing because that's not going to happen." I snarl out, not at her but at the thought of someone, specifically the only person I know that saw Kat get hit with the darts, nosing around and letting that information slip.
I made a mental note to have words with Peter again just to reinforce our arrangement.
"Look, Zach already did the research and laid the groundwork for our cover story to be believable. What we told you in the office that morning is what everyone else thinks happened. While you showing up, before even we thought you would, did throw things off a little he was able to cover that by saying that we were only guessing and that people can recover from injuries faster than expected all the time. The fact that you still have to receive medication to help with the after-effects of the darts help to strengthen our story."
I could see I was getting through to her. I don't know if it was my tone, if it was reassuring enough to calm her, or if it was my touch that did the trick. Whatever it was, her cries tapered off until they stopped altogether. I continued to explain things to her during this time, telling her about what I, Chase, and Zach had all come up with to help her learn to hide her divergence. I explained that during her fight with Drew when she was saying her mantras out loud I basically confirmed what I already had a feeling about. That was why I was so adamant that she learn to use her meditation technique during her fights without having to say the mantras out loud.
I went on to fill her in on a few other things but her eyes began to get a bit glazed and her eyelids drooped a bit more. Her exhaustion was finally getting the better of her even though she was fighting it to listen to me.
"Let's go to bed, angel. We'll get up early enough to have breakfast with the guys and leave you enough time to go get ready with your sister."
She doesn't answer, just nods into my chest and nuzzles her face into my neck when I stand up with her in my arms then carry her into the room. I get her settled first, telling her I'll be along shortly then move off to take care of a few things. Even though I'm just as fucking tired as she is, my routine is too ingrained in me. When everything in the apartment is in order and I've gotten my clothes for the next day laid out I finally allow myself to slip into bed next to her.
I don't need the dreams of her to get me through another night, because my angel's finally right here with me.