Chapter 53 - Growing Pains
Kat
The Pit is full of people when we arrive. Clusters of families are scattered around the area that has been sectioned off for the initiates but there are more Dauntless-born than there are transfers and it definitely shows in those of us who are gathered in the Pit this morning.
Lynn told me that most parents or siblings will show up in the Pit to meet up instead of the initiates just heading home for the day. This is traditionally done more out of curiosity or entertainment than because it's what is expected from them. The Dauntless likes to watch outsiders' reactions to their homes. This is why she and my two other friends weren't going to be in the Pit until a bit later because they didn't feel the need to stick around just to get a few laughs like the others might be doing. They did offer to be here for me and Tris but we waved them away. Telling them to go spend the day with their families. Lynn was anxious to see her little brother, Hector, and spend time with him. Her mom works long hours and it often leaves them to their own devices.
There is a lot of black to get through. It dominates and overwhelms the Pit, making it harder to spot anyone that might be wearing different colors. It takes a few long seconds but I finally start to spot and recognize individuals.
Molly and Drew are standing together at the end of the initiate area, alone. Their families didn't come. Not that they look like they at all care about that.
Peter's apparently did and going by the pained look on his face, I'm guessing he's wishing they hadn't. Or rather, that his father hadn't come. It's hard to blame him and I feel definite sympathy for Peter when I happen to overhear his father. Even from all the way over where Tris and I are standing I can hear him berating his son. For what, I don't know, but I do know he hasn't even been reunited for ten minutes and is already laying into him.
I've always found it interesting to see how similar or different someone can look from their parents. His dad is tall and lanky like Peter himself is but he has bushy eyebrows and a paunch stomach that he seems to be pushing out even further like it's a source of pride for him. He's loud and abrasive, wanting to be the center of attention even if that attention is bad. Peter had been just like him when he first got here, but he's slowly been changing.
His mother seems to stand out to me for some reason. It's not because she's so much shorter than her son or that she has reddish hair while Peter has dark brown, almost black hair. I realize it's the fact that she stands there beside her husband exactly like I would expect a wife from Abnegation to stand, at least in public. But her posture is more cowed and downtrodden than being simply meek and deferential like most of the wives from Abnegation I observed. Her eyes are down and her hands are all but clasped at her back where they wring together. I don't think she's said one word in either greeting or defense of her son but I can see them both looking at each other with a glimmer of hurt and pain in their eyes.
Peter sees me taking this in after our eyes meet over his mother's head. He quickly looks away from me, his lips thinning as he does, and I follow his example feeling too much like I've been spying on something private.
As my search moves on I see that Will's sister made it and I smile in relief for my friend. She stands beside him in a beautifully tailored dress that is classic and refined. Even the blue tone is tasteful and compliments her skin tone. Her golden blonde hair is done in a perfect side updo. She's the very portrait of a stereotypical Erudite. Which is surprising because of how Will has described her to us. Regardless, she has a smile on her lips and is openly showing how happy she is to see him as they speak rapidly to each other, emoting with their hands as they talk.
Close to where Will and his sister are standing is Christina. She's hugging a woman with a slightly darker skin tone than hers while a younger version of Christina stands just behind them, shifting and looking around with wide wonder-filled eyes.
I get so caught up in observing those around me that I momentarily forget that I'm actually supposed to be looking for my own family. It suddenly comes back to me when I hear Tris gasp and tug on my arm at the same time, then points when she sees she has my attention.
That's when I see them too. Two figures in grey that seem to stand out so much I wonder why I didn't notice them before now.
They are standing near a section of railing. My mother has her hands clasped in front of her while my father stands close to her and seems to be using his height to look over the gathered crowd while engaged in conversation with a Dauntless man standing on his other side. Considering what faction they are from and what faction they are standing in I almost expect them to seem ill at ease but they don't appear to be at all.
Tris tugs my arm again, this time to get us going. We start out walking calmly but that lasts all of a few seconds before we're speeding up to walk faster to our parents. As we get closer I realize that the Dauntless man talking to my father is actually Zach and that both are smiling slightly as they are speaking to one another.
By the time we near them we've worked up to a power walk and there are people that have actually moved out of our way as we go. I guess we are so focused and determined to get through the crowd as quickly as possible that people move out of instinct.
I see that our mom notices someone quickly approaching them but it doesn't seem like she recognizes us at first. I wonder if we've changed so much that she can't recognize her own daughters anymore, but quickly realize I'm wrong. She softly whispers our names, almost like a prayer, and throws her arms open in welcome. This draws our father's attention but by that time we're already wrapped up in a joyful embrace between the three of us.
Eric's warning be damned, there is no way I'm not going to take the chance to be able to hug my mother again.
She holds us for several long seconds, passing her hand over our backs in a familiar soothing motion. "My girls," She sighs out happily. "Beatrice. Mary Katherine. How I've missed you." The words are said low enough for our ears only and they instantly bring tears to my eyes.
Or maybe they were already there and I just notice them now as they threaten to overflow and spill out.
Tris and I pull back from the hug at the same time when we notice our dad moving in closer and looking at us with a sad smile. He hesitates only long enough to see we are free from the hug with mom before he too opens his arms. It surprises us both, I can tell, but not enough that we don't step forward into his arms right away. This embrace doesn't last as long as the one with mom but it felt just as wonderful.
When he steps away to go back beside her, my mom turns a beaming smile on him before facing the two of us again. Her eyes have a slight shine to them and she reaches out to take one each of our hands in one of hers.
"Let's have a look at the two of you," She instructs us, then takes a turn with each of us, brushing her hand over our cheeks and murmuring praises about our hair and outfits. Completely unexpected but very welcome words coming from our mother.
I'm sure she can't miss the bruising and cuts we're both sporting, mine a little more obvious than my sister's, but she doesn't remark on them and it doesn't seem to take away from the joy she has when looking us over.
She finishes the short examination with a nod for us both. "You look happy here, and healthy, but I expected no less from either of you."
It's not lost on me that she is, in a sense, telling us that she had an idea we would always end up in Dauntless. It also isn't lost on me that when she says this it's not in her normal soft-spoken manner. It seems to be slightly louder, loud enough to project to others around us, and like she expects others to be listening. Which has me curious as to how she could know that's probably exactly what's happening.
Then what she says next has me blushing to my very toes and my mouth drops open slightly in shock, especially since she uses the comment to drag our father into the conversation. "There's no denying you girls are all grown up now. Don't you think so, Andrew?"
"They look very beautiful." He agrees with a small smile and nod. His tone only slightly strained with a lingering sadness that I can see in his eyes as when he spots our matching tattoos that we are openly displaying. "How have you been?" He asks, looking between the two of us and wearing an expression we are familiar with that always seemed to calm us and had us opening up to him.
"You first," Tris and I say in unison, more out of habit, but I admit that I am genuinely curious and worried about how they've been fairing with us gone.
"How are things?" I add afterward.
It hit me all at once in this second all the things we aren't there to do for them anymore and the regret for leaving that I hadn't felt before, now seems to be seeping into me.
They don't reply right away, but look at each other in the manner I've come to recognize as them exchanging silent messages with each other with their eyes alone. Then mom turns back to us with a smile.
"We wish to focus on and talk about the two of you. This we grant you on this special day, where we give you both the gift of recognizing the adults you've become. From this day, may you be welcome to speak as an equal and from the heart."
Anyone observing this interaction, and I feel like the entire Pit is, probably thinks it weird and way too formal...too stiff...and they would be right about it being formal.
They can't know that our parents have just said words that are only said to those Abnegation dependents that have returned home on the night of their choosing to be welcome at the table as adults for the first time. They can't know that this is a time-honored tradition, one of the very few that single out the individual for recognition and offer the only kind of gifts allowed or of value in a faction that eschews the materialistic preferences of the other factions. They can't know that little Abnegation girls and boys often daydreamed, something few openly admitted to doing, about the coming day when their mothers and fathers addressed them as an equal and they were free to speak their minds.
Our parents might have had a much more open and honest relationship with us than other Abnegation children had with theirs but it didn't mean that I didn't have those same dreams for myself once upon a time. Ones that didn't stop until I realized that being in Dauntless would mean they would never be saying those words to me.
The significance of it, that they are acknowledging us in this way even though by all accounts (according to Abnegation elders) they should shun us, leaves me stunned and looking at my father as if I am somehow mistaken in its meaning. He only nods, with a reassuring smile, but I can tell that he is still fighting his sadness.
I'm that much closer to full-on crying and it makes the eyes I can feel that are trained on us seem to burn even more.
"I am happy here," I whisper out, feeling the need to state this for all those eyes and ears tuned in on us right now. "We both are." I look over at Tris and she nods to confirm this, with only a little guilt in her eyes as they flick back to our parents. I take a breath and Tris reaches down to thread her hand with mine, once again lending me strength without thought. "We miss you both so much and always will, but…" I pause hating how it feels like we are under a microscope but knowing this needs to be said so those eyes will hopefully move on. "We're making a place for ourselves here. This is our home now."
Tris gasps slightly, dropping my hand but I see my mom's hand dart out to grasp my sister's then give it a squeeze to silence whatever she had been about to say. Then my attention is on my dad, who takes in a deep breath through his nose before releasing it slowly and nodding at me.
"This is as it should be and where you've always belonged, Mary Katherine." Then he looks at my sister and nods in her direction as well. "The same goes for you too, Beatrice. I'm equally as proud of you for having the courage to do what was right for you as I am sorry that you ever thought, even for a second, that I could be mad at or hate either of you for following your hearts."
Tris trembles beside me from the effort it takes to keep her emotions and tears in check but I have no such reservation. I did what was needed to prove where my loyalty is and don't think anyone has the right to complain if I shed a few tears of happiness at the moment.
"Thank you, that really means...it means so much to me that you understand." I smile widely and let the tears that are filling my eyes spill over. I laugh a little as I reach up to brush them away. "It's not Mary Katherine anymore though. I go by Kat now."
For the first time since he got here, there isn't sadness in his eyes as dad smiles at me and laughs softly. "Kat. A fitting name for our daredevil climber." I blush as he playfully taps a finger on the tip of my nose then looks at Tris expectantly, mom follows suit as well.
"Tris. I go by Tris now." She replies, almost shyly but with a smile.
"Beautiful and strong, a perfect fit for the young woman who is both herself." My mom says approvingly.
There seems to be a hush, quickly followed by murmured whispers, that come over the Pit in a wave. It reminds me of the same hush that rolled over the dining hall as Eric made his way in my first lunch in Dauntless. I realize it's the same because he's made an appearance in the Pit. I don't need to see Zach pointedly looking in a certain direction or the polite smile my father directs to someone over my shoulder to know that it's Eric approaching because I feel him.
"Andrew," Eric's voice rumbles from right behind me and then I see him as he moves past me, closer to my father.
"Eric," My father greets him in return and holds out his hand, which Eric then takes and they exchange a brief handshake.
Eric nods in return while he glances down at me for a second. "Leadership had word that an important member of the council was gracing our halls for the first time in years and felt it only fitting to have someone come to welcome you."
"Of course," My father replies, with a gracious nod. "It was very good of Dauntless to allow my wife and I to be here for this Visiting Day."
I'm watching this exchange in growing confusion that I try not to let show but know I'm probably failing at. I also see that Eric is casting a brief look around us and it has me looking around for the first time as well.
The thing I notice immediately is that there are eyes turned our way but they seem to be quickly finding something else to look at as soon as Eric's eyes turned in their direction. I'm pretty sure that even though people are even more curious about the happenings concerning me and my family now that Eric is here, they are choosing to wisely stay out of it because of his presence.
The next thing I notice is that my friends are in the Pit. Uri, Mar, and Lynn are all nearby but are keeping a distance for the moment it seems. Lynn has her younger brother with her and I see Zeke and Shauna speaking to an older woman that I've seen around Dauntless before. She seems to be trying to watch things going on over here as well while not being seen to be doing so.
When Lynn looks over and knowing her she's probably checking on me, she spots me looking back and a wide grin spreads across her face before she looks pointedly at my parents and gives me a thumbs up.
I chuckle and shake my head before looking away to the other person I spotted standing purposely near enough to keep an eye on things but not be intruding, Chase. He's among a group of Dauntless-born and members that are hanging out, chatting with them.
Beside me, I notice that my mom and Tris had begun to talk animatedly. Then I see my sister pointing at someone then discovering she's pointing out Four, who was also standing near and watching but trying to look like he wasn't paying any attention to us.
Whatever my sister said had my mom looping her arm through my sister's and then steering them towards Four. As they walk forward my mom looks over her shoulder at me and smiles this odd smile at me that I don't understand at all.
If I didn't know better I would say it was a sly knowing smile that seemed to be directed more at the man standing close to me without being too close (because that definitely would draw attention).
I don't have time to ponder that because I have my attention jerked back to my dad as he addresses me. " Mary Ka...Kat…"
"Huh?" I look at my dad, confused and a bit embarrassed to have been caught not paying attention so immediately murmur an apology.
I see Eric rolls his eyes with his lips twitching ever so slightly.
"I was just informing Andrew that your group has finished the first stage of initiation, which is the physical portion, and that it's safe to say we can expect excellent results from that for your ranking."
I blush and blink again, once again confused at this entire encounter. "Oh," I reply finally, clearing my throat with and moving a shoulder up in what I hope is a casual shrug. "I don't know what will happen as far as rankings but like I was telling Tris this morning, I'm very proud of us. We did our best and I believe we gave it everything we had. I know we didn't give up and I can only hope all that was enough."
Zach, who never moved away from the group and had been involved in the conversation with my dad and Eric, sighs and looks up to the ceiling in exasperation. Eric's jaw clenches and I know it's not anger, rather him stopping himself from saying something to me.
It would probably be something like; 'your Abnegation is showing..what have I told you about that'.
I bite my lip to keep from laughing that I even mentally recreated Eric's voice and tone when I thought that, and looked down to compose myself. It isn't that hard because another sobering thought hits me that he would also probably include that warning about being careful of my divergence showing.
"I once heard a saying that stuck with me. It basically said that one should be humble when victorious or in their victories, or pride would bring about their defeat. I figured it meant that if you become too cocky it could come back to bite you in the ass." I finally reply, hoping that is sufficiently Dauntless enough to make up for my lapse seconds ago.
By this time Tris and my mom are walking closer so any reaction to what I said is cut short.
"Is he always like that?" I hear my mom asking Tris. I glance over their shoulders to see Four hurrying away, looking tense as hell.
I snort in laughter and the words are out before I can stop them. "Nah, usually he sticks around to infect those around him with his 'stick-up-the-ass syndrome'.
I slap a hand over my mouth with wide eyes and look at Tris, surprised to find her biting her lip trying to hold in laughter. Beside her my mom shakes her head, smiling.
A glance at my dad sees him scowling a little but I'm relieved when it's not at me. He seems to be looking in the direction Four just fled down.
"Kat," Mom admonishes me finally but I can tell there is no real feeling behind it. "I see your filter is still 'under repairs', as you put it once."
"Actually mom, I think it's just been condemned at this point." My sister snarks while grinning at me.
I narrow my eyes and huff loudly, crossing my arms over my chest and pretend to pout. There are a few seconds of good-natured chuckles, that even my dad joins in on.
"Have you two made many friends?" Mom asks looking around us.
"Quite a few actually," Tris answers first and then starts to point them out. "Kat is really good friends with a few of the Dauntless-born, and I've become friends with them as well."
She gestures to the small cluster of my friends, who notice this and wave at us with big smiles. Even the woman with Zeke and Shauna waves, smiling, but she also nods...almost approvingly?...to my parents. I can't figure out why she would be doing that. Then I remember that Uri mentioned his mom wanting to meet us, that she even extended an invitation for us to join them in the event our parents didn't come. She was probably worried we would be upset and was happy for us that they came.
"Then there are the people that transferred who we've become friends with as well." Tris continues to point out friends as she gestures to Christina and Will who aren't that far from us.
Christina and her family are too involved in talking to each other and don't notice but Will does and he waves at us with a smile. When we wave back he begins to walk toward us, saying something to his sister as he goes. The open smile she was wearing earlier is gone and all I see is contempt as she looks over at us. Will doesn't notice her reluctance to come over here and keeps walking, putting her a few steps behind him.
I watch her with narrowed eyes, not liking how she's looking between my mom and dad with an expression of loathing.
Will, still oblivious, opens his mouth to say something. Probably to say hi and introduce us but he doesn't even get the chance before his sister makes her opinion of us known.
"I can't believe you associate with one of them, Will." She hisses out in a tone full of venom.
My mom and dad have pursed lips but don't say anything. I know they aren't going to either. Tris tenses and I look at Will in disbelief at the gall of his sister as well as confusion. This is nothing like the woman he's described to us.
Will himself is now looking at her with a frown. "Cara, there's no need to be rude. You should apologize." He reprimands her and gives my parents an apologetic look.
My mom smiles gently at him, even though we all hear the Erudite woman scoff in displeasure.
"Oh, I certainly will not. Do you know who they are?" She points a finger at my father first. It takes everything in me to hold back from grabbing that finger and breaking it. "He is a council member and leader. One of the ones responsible for allowing some of the things that have caused our society to be threatened." Her lips curl in disgust and she flicks her finger in my mom's direction. "And she runs the 'volunteer center' that supposedly is responsible for helping the factionless. You think we don't know you're just hoarding goods to distribute to your own faction while we don't get fresh food for a month, huh? Food for the factionless my eye."
Eric's lips are thinned and he looks angry but he doesn't make any moves to say anything or stop this. My mom has a grip on Tris's hand and is keeping her from responding. I vaguely hear her mom saying something but can't really determine her words over the blood pumping through me, making a roaring sound in my ears.
"Mistaken? Ha!" Cara snaps back at my mom. "I'm sure your faction is exactly what it seems and is full of nothing but happy-go-lucky-do-gooders without a selfish bone in your bodies, right?"
Tris snaps and despite the anger I have coursing through me, I feel like I'm watching this all happen from outside of my body, or like I'm detached from it.
"Don't speak to my parents that way." She has her free hand clenched into a fist that she's tightening and releasing, ready to use if needed. "Don't say another word or I swear I will break your nose."
Will looks over at Tris, alarmed and in disbelief. "Back off, Tris. You're not going to punch my sister."
Maybe he thinks that out of the two of us it would have been me that would have been quick to get physical? Oddly enough though, something else is running through my mind. A different way to not only hurt her but destroy her if need be.
Tris lets out a cross between a chuckle and a scoff that sounds harsh. "You don't think so? My parents may be Abnegation, but clearly I am not. Your sister comes into Dauntless, then expects to be able to insult someone and not have it handled appropriately?"
Even in my detached state I smirk proudly at my sister and know without a doubt that she means what she is saying. Something my parents must realize as well because I hear my dad whisper my mom's name at almost the same time as she begins to pull my sister toward her.
She also moves my sister, not so much away, as she is moving Tris behind her in a gesture that is very apparent to me as her trying to shield Tris. It's so fluid and instant I can tell this was her moving out of instinct. I also notice that for a second my mom's body language matches my sister's before she relaxes it and speaks.
"No, there will be no need for violence on our behalf." She cuts eyes at Tris as she gives this firm order. "Come along, Beatrice. We won't intrude further on your friend and his sister." Then she guides them away from the group, and Cara watches them go with a smug look on her face. One I have every intention of wiping clean off very shortly.
I notice that Eric and Zach aren't watching my sister and mom walk away, they are watching me with wariness in their eyes, even a warning they are trying to communicate to me.
Tris was right. My parents are Abnegation but we aren't and we are free to respond to a threat or insult to our parents in the manner we see fit.
And how fitting my manner will be for the small-minded person in front of me. The one that comes from an entire faction that measures and worships their brain size like Dauntless guys do their dicks.
I look at Will with none of the disgust and anger I'm feeling showing right now, rather I look properly apologetic. "I'm so sorry that this happened, Will," I say slowly, afraid that my tone might give too much away. My words draw the looks of confusion I was expecting from Will, Zach, and Eric while Cara turns her smug expression on me now.
No doubt ready to accept my conceding to her superiority. This just makes it all that much sweeter when my eyes turn hard and I let the anger finally flow through them because I see her jerk just a little and pale.
I raise my chin and square my shoulders. "I can only assume there was some kind of lab accident that prevented your sister from visiting you today and that..." my lips curl in disgust as I look Cara up and wave a hand in her direction "...took her place. I know you were so looking forward to seeing her again and I admit I had been too after all the stories you told me about her. It would have been nice to meet the intelligent woman who encouraged you to think for yourself and never take anything at face value or make conclusions based on data someone else gathered. It would have been wonderful to meet someone that believed in never just accepting anything that they've heard or read as the absolute truth without doing the work and research themselves first. I am so fucking sorry that brilliant woman who helped to shape the young man I am proud to call my friend couldn't make it today."
I stop for a second, quietly catching my breath and trying to slow my heart rate and calm myself. I'm not done, not by a long shot.
I observed that Will hasn't disagreed and Cara has gone from smug, to pale, to livid and back to pale. Which she currently seems to be stuck on as her shoulders start to hunch forward as she loses some of the confidence she had earlier.
"Tell me, Cara, you obviously have very strong opinions about Abnegation and the running of the volunteer center, but what are those opinions based on? How often have you personally visited the volunteer centers? Or an Abnegation home for that matter? Are my parents the first people from their faction that you've had more than a passing interaction with? Is anything that you believe or say based on actual facts or just rumor and conjecture? Don't bother answering because I already know the answers and judging by your growing look of shame you realize the truth too now. It's a shame because I think that if the woman I've heard so much about had shown up today then she would have taken this opportunity to get answers for herself to the concerns she so obviously has instead of running her mouth like an uneducated Candor would."
"That's enough, Kat." My father interjects vocally as he lays a hand on my shoulder, his touch gentle but his words firm. Then he sighs and looks at Will and Cara.
"I'm sure that the good people of Dauntless don't appreciate their visiting day being soured by the unbecoming behavior of visitors to their home." He nods in Eric's direction, acknowledging him as the figure of authority here and offering his words by way of apology. Inside I feel like crowing a little because my dad just unintentionally dug the needle in deeper and has Cara looking like a schoolgirl who just got scolded.
"My daughter and I will leave you two to hopefully continue your reunion in good spirits." I try to refrain from grumbling at this, feeling a drain on my smug pleasure that my dad joined me in making a dig at the stuck-up Erudite, and prepare to be led away like my sister was. I take a step forward but my dad's hand tightens on my shoulder, holding me in place. I look up and see he has a contemplative expression while looking at Will's sister.
"However, before we do I would like to say that, while she was rather colorful and...aggressive...in her method of delivery, Kat did bring up some valid points. Points that I myself have recently brought to light in the last council meeting in hopes of settling some of the differences between our factions. It's no secret that Erudite among other factions would like to have more say in how the city's supplies and provisions are handled but have previously been denied; furthering the lack of trust, misinformation, and spreading of rumors. The result is that it's hard to deny or stop others believing in lies. I realize that Abnegation's purpose and intentions are hard to understand when we haven't had the opportunity to prove the misunderstandings wrong. That's why at the last meeting I put my support behind a motion to allow Erudite and the other factions to be present when Amity delivers their contributions to our city and have hope that this can be expanded on. If you are interested in being able to be present yourself, maybe to get to know and further discuss your concerns, then I give you an invitation to contact me and I can arrange this. I would welcome it. Otherwise, I am sure you could also make arrangements with whoever will be put in charge of assigning the observers for your faction."
Cara is not the only one floored by this development. I was stunned speechless, preventing me from making any protests or even saying a thing as my dad finally leads me away like I knew he planned to do. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack as the ramifications hit me.
I know this will be a good thing for not only Abnegation and their relationships with the other factions but for my father, it just increases the threat my dad represents to a man I know will have no hesitation in trying to neutralize.
I feel Eric's eyes on me as dad leads me to an area that's not too far removed from the others but that we can have some measure of privacy. When I look back at Eric I see he, Cara, and Zach seem to be in a conversation, even while he's keeping an eye on me and my dad.
My father stops and turns to face me, eyeing me critically but staying quiet for a few seconds.
"I know I've never said this to you or openly shown it, but I am and always have been, very proud of you. I have made many mistakes and I have many failings, but the worst of these was that I allowed you to believe differently for any length of time. I love you very much and it has been an honor to watch you grow, and I hope to continue to watch you grow into the amazing woman you've become. I want the only distance between us to be that of physical location rather than in our thoughts and hearts. Your mother and I have hope that one day there will be no restrictions that prevent us from being active parts in the lives of our daughters, but until then we want you to know that you will always be welcome in our home. We look forward to being able to visit you here in your home again as well."
"I love you too, Dad. It means the world to me and Tris, that you accept our decision and are even happy for us. Despite not feeling like Abnegation was right for me, in a way, my heart will always think of it as home because it's your home." I laugh and cry a little at the same time before sniffling and wiping my eyes. "And of course we would love to have you guys come see us here after we've become members. I might even put off my strike against cooking to make dinner for you in my apartment when you come. Lynn says that Dauntless doesn't restrict or require members to keep visitors from other factions in just The Pit area. They can go to the personal quarters as well."
Laughing he replies, "We will gratefully accept the invitation." He reaches out and brushes a hand over my shoulder. "I am curious though, what exactly is The Pit?"
I giggle at his question and the expression he has when he says it's name. I then gesture to the area around us. "This area is called The Pit. I assume it's because from high up it looks like a big pit in the ground. The level we are on is the main gathering area and is where most of the hallways and corridors for the rest of the compound spill into."
He listens patiently as I describe the parts of the compound I've explored or have been told about. Asking questions about some of the things we see on the upper levels. We even walk around a bit to get better looks at some of the places I point out while we keep an eye out for mom and Tris.
It's during this that I spot Four again. He's up a few levels and standing at the railing of an overhang. It looks like he's looking for something or someone as he scans the lower floor. When he gets to where dad and I are standing he freezes. My dad notices I'm looking at someone, then sees Four for himself and he stiffens when he recognizes him. Earlier he probably didn't get a good look at him before Four bolted away.
Tobias has changed enough that anyone who didn't know him well in Abnegation would be hard-pressed to recognize him. Dad didn't really see him all that much himself but he did see him more than anyone else in the faction. Between that and the look that passes between me and Four, it isn't hard for him to put it together.
"Should we go look for mom and Tris?" I ask, trying to distract my dad.
He frowns and looks at me, deep worry lines marring his forehead. "It seems I continue to fail you and your sister, Kat."
"Dad, you've never failed me." I gasp out, horrified he thinks that.
"Kat, for all my flaws, a lack of willingness to take responsibility for or admit to my mistakes is not one of them. I made mistakes in the past that led to my failing you girls in one way or another."
He holds up a hand to stop and further protest from me, and continues on somberly.
"I lived through a parent's worst nightmare when I almost lost you. I failed you then by not being able to keep it from occurring in the first place. I determined to never let it happen again and assigned blame, not just to myself, but to others. I also knew at the time that you felt guilty about what happened and that you probably blamed yourself. I failed you again by letting you continue to think that. I told myself it could be forgiven if in the end, it helped to keep you safe."
"I don't understand…" I whisper, fighting through the pain. "Keep me safe how?"
He sighs wearily and looks away from me, off into the distance as if searching for the answers there.
"When you and your sister were younger you were always extremely curious, fearless, independent, and stubborn. I was torn because those traits are part of what makes you the amazing girls you are. But it also terrified me that those same traits could possibly lead you to do something that could hurt you, or that you could end up hurting yourself, and I was right. More times than I care to admit. The two of you had too much energy to sit still very long and it seemed like you were always getting into or were up to something when we weren't looking. Your mother predicted that it would calm as you got older and she was right, it did. I always suspected that what was really happening was that you got better at hiding your adventures...and then once again and that terrible day, I was the one who was proven right. I saw you were sorry for what happened and that you felt guilty about it but you were also very upset and vocal about how you felt regarding the actions that had to be taken to prevent something like that happening again. I think it wasn't long after this that I failed you the most. But only you can really answer that for me."
A chill of foreboding runs down my spine and I'm rooted in place, praying this isn't what I think it is.
"It was just over eight years ago you came to me and begged me to help a friend, begging me to trust that you would always be truthful with me. But I didn't trust you or take you at your word back then. It may or may not help you to understand, but I completely believed when I was told that your friend was a truly disturbed young man. In my eyes, he only confirmed this belief when he seemed to be twisting things around to make you seem to be the bad one there that day. I believed he had coerced you in some way to try to hurt his father and ruin his reputation, but when he was caught, he decided to let you take all the blame. I'm also ashamed to admit that I believed you agreed out of the ill will you carried for the man you often blamed for what happened after you were hurt. I knew how passionate you were about Dauntless. I believed your accusations a form of payback."
He looks back at me, pain evident in his eyes, and looking close to tears himself as he moves in closer and reaches out to cup the sides of my face. "So tell me, Kat, did I fail you once again?
My mind is in chaos right now. I always wondered why my father could have believed the word of Marcus over his own daughter. How he could believe the things that were said of me. I had felt like he never knew me at all if he thought that was the truth.
But now I see that in some ways, he knew me too well. I also see how masterfully Marcus has played us all along, pitting us against each other and using those weaknesses against us.
So when I answer my father with tears in my eyes, I am completely honest. "Dad, you have never failed me." How could I feel otherwise when it's clear who is the real one to blame?
His lips thin a little and he shakes his head. "But you aren't denying that I got it wrong either. So that makes it true, in not trusting or believing you that day I failed you again. The question is...what other failures happened as a result of that?"
I can't answer that. I won't answer that. He's already too close to figuring things out that he doesn't need to and I can't predict what will happen if he does.
"Can't we just leave the past there? You once told me yourself that holding onto the pain of the past will continue to cause pain in the future. That in the process of letting go you lose many things from the past but you find yourself...and you were right, Dad. I have found myself and I'm stronger for the lessons I've learned however they've been taught. Leaving you and mom was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but do you know why I was able to do it at all?" He swallows and clears his throat while shaking his head and I see he isn't able to respond so I continue on.
"Because my strength comes from you and mom. So many things that I've learned are from watching you two work hard with little to no reward other than the contentment of knowing that the work you are doing is what you choose for yourself and what you are meant to be doing. How can you say that you've failed me when I'm standing here today prepared to make my own path in life with the knowledge you've shared, the support you've given me, and the love I've felt?"
He doesn't reply, except to embrace me again and hold me closer than his hug when he greeted me, then he pulls back and smiles at me. "It's said that the greatest gift we can give our children is roots and wings." His eyes fall to my left shoulder where my tattoo is and he reads the words out loud. "Alis volat propriis. We might have set you on the path with the first, Kat, but you and your sister are the ones who found your own wings to continue on."
We shared another hug, I shed a few more tears, and somewhere during that it became my mother's arms I was wrapped up in.
"We have to leave now, Kat." She informs me with a slight hitch in her voice as she gently ends the hug. "I am so proud of my girls. I wish I could have spent more time with you but we'll see each other again soon. There's no doubt in my mind that you two are going to do well for yourselves here, or that you'll be happy. Remember, you always have each other and even though we might not be here physically...we are always with you as well."
I hate having to say goodbye and that's clear to my parents. They seem reluctant to leave as well and seem to draw out leaving by allowing me to introduce them to my Dauntless-born friends very briefly. They make apologies that they can't stay longer, and my dad admits that he was able to arrange some time away from overseeing Abnegation's Visiting Day, but is needed back. I walk with them part of the way to where they will exit but they tell me that I should go back and be with my friends before they give me a final hug each and then walk away.
I stand rooted in place watching them as they leave. They pause to say goodbye to Zach and Eric, who are still hanging around but were right by the exit from the Pit my parents are taking. I watch as they shake hands again while my dad and Eric exchange a few words. Then they are gone. Seeming to fade away as they go further into the fairly dark hallway.
Watching them leave is hard. I feel a strange mixture of the lightness and relief that their showing up filled me with but also a sick coil of dread that's slowly started to take root in my stomach. This is caused when I remember the look on my dad's face and in his eyes when the subject turned to Tobias and Marcus. I would like to delude myself into believing that he will drop it like I asked and be happy with the assurances I gave him but I can't.
My sister and I have always known which of our parents we are more alike, which is why we seemed to be closer to them. The truth is that some of our best and worst qualities come from them both. Those traits my father listed today, we came by them honestly and got a double dose. They both have them in spades. So I know he won't let it go, because I wouldn't be able to either.
I debate going back to my friends, as my parents suggested, but what I really feel the need to do is to find my sister. I'm not seeing her anywhere in the Pit, and I didn't see where my mom came from when she joined us, but I remember them heading in the general direction of the dining hall when they left the Pit earlier. So I start to head that way only to be brought up short as someone very unexpected steps into my path.
His green eyes are pleading with me seconds before he moves close, slips an arm around my waist, and guides me a few short steps to where his parents are standing.
"Father, Mother...I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend...Kat." Peter's drawl seems to carry through the Pit, maybe because it seemed to go quiet.
There are several gasps from around us and I could swear I hear a growl, but it's stopped before I can determine it even happened.
I've turned my head to look at Peter incredulously. Wondering what in the seven hell's he's thinking, and see he's still silently and desperately pleading with me. It's then that I remember a few of the things I heard his father saying to him. One of them that stands out was him loudly asking whether or not Dauntless has been able to make a real man of him.
I mentally debated with myself but I already knew what I was going to do because there was no way I could not do it. I still don't have to like it one bit though and I plan to make that clear.
"I thought we decided that we wouldn't be making any kind of announcement, dear," I say, turning a sickly sweet smile on Peter and watching him wince a little under my glare.