Redux-Worth Fighting For

by Lunaschild2016

Committed to their city and faction, both were driven by their pasts and loyalties. Duty and orders were no longer enough and they both found more than they had hoped for. They found something worth fighting for. Eric/OC Divergent AU (Language, Romance, Sexual Content, Angst, Tragedy)

56. Learning To Fly

Chapter 55 - Learning to Fly

Kat

"I thought we decided that we wouldn't be making any kind of announcement, dear," I say, turning a sickly sweet smile on Peter and watching him wince a little under my glare.

Peter doesn't drop his arm from around my waist and I contemplate shoving it away for a second. If he was going to come up with some excuse as to why he's pulling this stunt, he doesn't get a chance. His mom's soft and timid voice breaks the moment of silence and the tension in the air.

"You were Abnegation? The people you were with earlier, they're your parents?"

I feel Peter flinch slightly then go rigid beside me, a glance up at him and I see he's looking at his mom with consternation and a slight edge of surprise. I turn back and study her for a few seconds before I answer. Trying to think about how I can answer the woman in front of me without unintentionally hurting or insulting her further than I know she gets on a daily basis by the man towering over her.

"Yes, they're my parents and while I may have been born into the faction, I was never Abnegation," I reply truthfully.

She licks her lips nervously and glances at her husband from the side of her eyes for a second. I can tell she wants to talk to me more, I can see a faint glimmer of curiosity in her eyes.

"You should see her in action, Mom," Peter speaks up from beside me, preventing her from saying anything else. Peter's dad looks to be about seconds from exploding on someone but it doesn't stop Peter. He looks determined to continue and is ignoring his dad to keep his eyes on his mom. "Kat is whirlwind in a fight. It wouldn't surprise me if she's ranked in the top five, if not the top spot."

I'm taken back by the compliment coming from Peter. I'm even more stunned at the fact that I can tell he actually means what he's saying. I can tell that his intention isn't to compliment me directly. Inside he's probably cringing at having to say anything good to or about me at all. The fact that he hasn't stopped looking at his mom and seems to be trying to communicate something with her, let me know this isn't about me or even him...it's about her.

It makes me ashamed about my words to him early on in initiation.

His dad has finally reached the limit on how much he can remain quiet and scoffs loudly while sneering at his son. "If that's the case then the standards here can't be all that high. You might as well have gone to Amity."

Peter's jaw tightens while I bristle. There are angry murmurs around us, and Chase materializes in seconds of the insult being uttered. I'm thinking he was waiting nearby for some kind of opening to insert himself.

"If you would like to question Dauntless standards then I would be happy to enlighten you, personally. As one of the instructors during initiation and as a senior officer I am fully qualified and authorized to address any of your...concerns." Chase directs his words to the elder Hayes coldly. Even a dumbass like the Candor man would pick up on the hidden threat.

I didn't think it was possible for a man to both cower and puff up indignantly, but I watch him do just that. I listened to him trying to talk around an apology by not really apologizing and dealing out a few more insults, including several passive-aggressive digs at me. Which had Chase teetering on a razor edge and eyeing Peter as if he's the one at fault. That only stopped when Peter's mom quietly spoke up, reminding her husband that he had an appointment he needed to keep. Giving the man some semblance of a dignified retreat. But he couldn't just leave quietly, he had to use the opportunity to berate his wife for not reminding him sooner.

Peter slipped away before I could round on him, then Lynn rushed in to fill the space he had just been standing in, quietly asking what the hell that had been about. I told her I didn't know but planned on getting answers soon.

"Fine, but you better tell me as soon as you find out. I don't know if you noticed, but Zach and Eric left in a hurry after it happened."

I shake my head, frowning, and looking around the Pit. "No, I was too afraid to look and see how he reacted. I need to find Tris and see how she is after mom left with her, and then I need to find Zach. I'm sure he would be able to advise me what to do next."

"Well, it looks like Zach found you first." She points to somewhere over my shoulder and I turn my head to see Zach walking our way. "You go take care of that and I'll go check on Tris. If you're not back right away, I'll run interference but I expect you to tell me what's been going on the last few days, Kat."

I nod at her gratefully, she gives me a pointed look, letting me know I won't be able to put off talking to her for long then turns to head off Uri and Mar since they were making their way towards us too. I walk to meet Zach halfway across the Pit where he makes a bit of a show in telling me that Eric has assigned me an extra punishment for mouthing off to him this morning, that I need to follow him.

I do so with my stomach churning the entire time. He stopped us to get my jacket that he got from my dorm and stashed here for us to pick up. As I'm pulling it on he informs me that while Eric isn't upset at me...he is upset and had to leave to wait for us before he did something to Peter.

That does relieve me somewhat until he tells me that it will be better if we let people think what Peter did was real, that we really are together. This is about the same time as I see Eric standing stiffly, his back facing us. Zach only sighs a little when I widen my steps so that I can eat up that distance as quickly as possible.

It came as a relief that he slid his hand in mine as soon as I was beside him. I could tell by the tight-lipped smile he gave me that he was still angry and that he was trying not to take it out on me. I understood why that's all he could do for several minutes and I didn't try to make him talk either. But as soon as he opened his mouth to say something to me, even if it was just to tell me we were getting on the train, I knew I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to let him know that it isn't true and why I felt compelled to go along with it at all.

By the end of that conversation, I was sniffing back tears of relief that Eric isn't mad at me for going along with it and still planning in my mind something...anything...that I can do to get even with Peter. Even if it is something petty, like his hand in warm water while he's asleep.

Nah. That's amateurish. Maybe I'll see what Uri could cook up. I mean, Zach did say that I am the one that couldn't do anything to him, after all.

****Worth Fighting For****

I jumped off the train laughing right along with Eric as Zach and Chase decided to race each other, starting from the jump.

I figured out that the guys were making good on Eric's promise to take me zip-lining. All he had to do was mention was he was keeping a promise and it all started to connect for me. I was beyond excited. I guess they were too, going by the current antics from two of them.

I look over at Eric to see if he's as excited as our friends, and my breath catches in my chest when I see him. His smile is so carefree and makes him look so much younger. His eyes are radiating strength and vitality when he looks over at me, catching me looking at him, and the smile widens. Ahead of us, we hear Chase taunting Zach as he takes the lead. Eric and I exchange looks with each other as we watch them blur ahead of us and laugh even louder as they continue to taunt each other.

I was feeling a little guilty when I figured out I was being taken zip-lining. My friends have been dying to go just as much as I have been. We've tried to sneak to the spots that Uri found out about from Zeke that are starting points, but they've always either been locked up or the equipment for the zip-lines wasn't there. When I saw the structure we were headed for, that guilt increased a bit.

We are heading for a building, once widely known and popular, called the Space Needle. It's the tallest structure in the city by far so it made sense it would be something the Dauntless couldn't resist setting up a zip-line to. Once, we thought about trying to find a way to get up there but never got around to it. Later Uri had said he asked his brother about it and found out that not even he had open access to the building so we didn't bother trying there after that.

After their race, Chase and Zach held up their run and waited for us to come closer. That's when Chase yelled something about a generator before taking off again while we slowed to a fast walk. Zach nods in response, still smiling, but is checking out the area around us at the same time. They've all been keeping an eye out, even while we were running, and are carrying their side-arms as well.

Meanwhile, I'm craning my neck as I look up at the towering structure, taking it all in up close for the first time. It's intimidating. I can admit that, but I'm also excited.

"You ready for this?" Eric asks from beside me. I turn to look at him and see he's still smiling, it's just more of a knowing grin on his lips now. The excited gleam is still in his eyes though, and I can tell that he's looking forward to this too.

"You kidding me?" I match his excited grin and laugh. "Of course I am! I admit I am a bit surprised that we're doing it from here. Uri never mentioned this as being one of the places Zeke talked about."

"It's not one that is used all that often even by members, and as far as I know, it's never been used for initiates at all. But..." He draws out and looks down at me with a smirk on his lips. "We thought you could handle this, even if it is your first time." He all but whispers in a husky and teasing tone as he leans in closer, his hot breath gusting on my ear while he's speaking.

I feel red hot heat on the back of my neck, the tips of my ears, and across my chest. It's not just caused by his words though. It's also the fact that he slipped a hand down a hip and ghosted over my ass. I saw from the corner of my eye the way Zach shook his head while smirking then walking a bit faster to get ahead of us.

I stopped in my tracks, spinning around to face Eric and putting my hands on his chest, first to stop him, then to grab the edges of his jacket to pull him closer to me. I raise up on my tip-toes to meet him until our faces are just a breath apart.

"I wouldn't worry about that. I think you'll find that I'm more than capable of handling whatever you could dish out, no matter if it's the first...or second...or…" I trail off and bite my lip a little while watching his eyes darken and his nostrils spreading out further when he growls under his breath. "What you should worry about is if you would have the strength to keep up with me."

If I wasn't already flaming before I decided to be a little bit bolder in this flirty banter we've started to exchange with each other, Eric would be able to see me blushing furiously right about now. No matter how bold..how feisty...I'm feeling, I still can't believe the words coming out of my mouth. But it's worth it to see just how dark his eyes go. I shiver when I hear the low growl turn into him saying my name warningly just a heartbeat before he jerks me against him. I gasp when I feel how hard he is, even through the layers of jeans and jackets on both of us, throbbing against me like a threat of what's to come. His grip is so tight that I'm pretty sure I'll have bruises from where his fingers are digging into me but I don't care. Eric's control is slipping.

There's something about seeing him like this that hits me deep inside. Not because it makes me feel powerful, although it does. Not because it makes me desire him, because that's pretty much a constant. It's how he looks at me like I'm the only one he sees and he can't get enough.

Zach calls out for us, interrupting the moment, saying that Chase has the generator for the elevator going.

"I'll remember this, Kat," Eric says with a side-smile. His eyes have a different type of gleam in them that promises payback later. Taking my hand he pulls me along with him to the tall building and the waiting elevator.

****Worth Fighting For****

Despite living here my entire life and all my exploring, the most I've seen of the Space Needle has been from a distance. It was too far away for just a casual visit by myself and after finding out we couldn't even get in the building my friends and I decided to pick other places to try at. Despite this, I did make sure to learn all I could about it from our history lessons in school.

We were told that our city used to have several things called tourist attractions that would bring in people to visit from far and wide, and the Space Needle was the main one because of its height and odd shape. The building itself isn't very large space-wise, it's just extremely tall. Not as tall as historical records have for buildings in other parts of the country or even overseas. Such as the Empire State Building in old New York or the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France. Those were just two of the most famous buildings we learned about.

The history behind why it was built and why it looks the way it does always fascinated and astounded me. Apparently, there was something called a World's Fair that was being held in Seattle and the building was built entirely for it. It was also being built at the height of something called the 'space race' and because of this fascination with outer space and space travel, the building was designed to pay homage to the ingenuity and optimism from that time period. The Erudite teacher we had gushed over the ingenuity of that era and I couldn't help but to agree. The thought of people going out into space or walking on the moon boggles the mind when I thought about the fact that I've never seen anything beyond our own city walls.

We passed through the shell of a building that once was a visitors center and gift shop for the attraction to get to the elevators. There are still some shelves that have items but I don't get a chance to look at anything that might be there. Chase was holding the elevator doors open for us so we went directly there and I couldn't hold in my observations any longer.

"I never really understood why they made this a flying saucer and not a rocket ship if that's what it was built in honor of."

Zach snickered a little, Chase hummed his agreement, and Eric rolled his eyes then shrugged and drawls out a reply. "I guess it was more fanciful to build a UFO. It probably was also a bit more practical to build than a bulbous rocket ship would have been with all the high winds and weight working against it. I mean, it's basically on top of a matchstick."

"You know they had a restaurant here too." Zach points out thoughtfully as the doors snick shut and the elevator begins to rise up. "I'm pretty sure they wanted extra floor space to get in as many people as possible."

"They had a dining hall up here?" I gap in wonder at the thought of eating in the clouds as well as the view we have as we ascend. It's breathtaking to watch through the windows.

"They did, at least according to the information I've found in the archives, they did. They also allowed people to rent space for personal events like holiday parties or weddings."

"I couldn't imagine doing something like that," I say, shaking my head at the thought of people actually paying what had to cost so much just for themselves. "Although," I hesitate and blush a little as I admit. "It would be pretty amazing to be able to sit and enjoy a meal with the sky so open around you." Then my eyes go wide as another thought hits me. "Oh wow...imagine it at night! It would probably feel like you were one of the stars." I know I probably sound ridiculous right now, with my tone bordering on a dreamy, spaced-out imitation of an Amity.

I blush even more when Zach starts to chuckle behind me and leans forward while Eric groans softly.

"Remind me, who was it that said it would be a silly thing to do to have lunch up here?" Zach asks with a tone full of smug satisfaction.

I turn my head and look between the two of them. Zach is arching an eyebrow at Eric with a look that clearly is saying 'I told you so', taunting him while Eric doesn't even look at him. He just lifts a hand and flips him off. Chase laughs as he leans against the wall. When he sees me looking at him he winks then points towards the direction of the door.

"We're here," Chase announces just as the elevator slots into place with a slight jerk.

They let me step out first and I start to walk around in a sort of daze. Caught between what I'm seeing right now and thinking about how it might have been in the past. It's mostly gutted, like the visitor center we first entered, but there are still remnants of things that can give me an idea of how it might have looked and it must have been something. The view alone is so breathtaking and exactly as I imagined. I feel as if I could reach out and touch one of those clouds in the sky.

"What do you think?" Someone asks from behind me, Chase I think.

"It's amazing." I breathe out then gasp when I look down to see parts of the floor are glass and I can see all the way down. "Oh goodness."

"I know." Zach agrees, looking down with me with a smile as I eye the glass warily. "It'll hold. All the glass here was made to hold a lot of weight and withstand the winds. The glass that serves as a guard rail on the observation deck is tilted so people that are brave enough could lean on it to look out."

I nod then continue to roam around the room, looking out of the windows while the three of them are shuffling things around behind me. I can hear them murmuring but really am just too caught up in checking things out.

It takes Eric actually pulling me by my arm to get my attention and over to the table the other two are at. It's one of the ones that must have been left behind. The shuffling I heard was them moving the table and chairs to be in front of one of the windows. Zach has just finished pulling bags and containers out of a weird looking box.

I look on curiously as I take the seat beside Eric then I break out a wide smile when I notice food in one of the open containers. "We're having lunch up here?"

Eric laughs with a smile as he watches Zach set things up. "We do 'gotta eat so we might as well while we are here. Think you can manage not bringing it all back up on the way down?" He teases me playfully.

I shoot a glare at him, then huff and turn to help Zach while the two of us listen to Eric and Chase talking about what still needs to be done before we can zip-line. It turns out there is still something that needs to be set up for the end of the line. This gives us time to sit here and enjoy the view while taking our time to eat which is just fine by me.

I don't admit it, but I was actually kind of worried that I might get sick to my stomach if we went just after I ate.

With Chase and Eric working out logistics, Zach and I talk between ourselves. This is mainly centered around the food he's laying out now that we are ready to eat. It's a light lunch but has a few things that I can tell he made with me in mind. For instance, he made us sub sandwiches that have chicken fingers on them, along with something he called cabbage slaw because he knows how much I love chicken nuggets. Then there was a cucumber and tomato salad, which were two things I happened to comment that I loved when the dining hall had them available for the salad they sometimes served. Lastly, was the fact that there were more of those apple pie oatmeal cookies from this morning.

"How could you have had time to get all this made and then here waiting for us?" I ask, trying not to drool as he passed me the container that had my portion of the salad ready and waiting for me.

"I made what I could ahead of time last night and what I couldn't, I just threw it together this morning and we dropped it off before breakfast along with the other things needed for today."

I nod in response and take the other containers of salad to put them in place for each of us, remarking on the fact that they're still cold. He informs me that he has one of the coolers that are issued for the guard stations that hold water and food for their shifts and that was the odd-looking box I saw him pulling it all out of.

We're waiting to eat until Chase and Eric are ready to eat as well. Chase stepped away to make a quick phone call and Eric went to inspect the equipment for the actual zip-lining. We make idle conversation while we wait but mostly because my attention is torn between the food and the view.

Eric is the first one back. He slides into his seat after moving a tad bit closer to me and says that everything is ready from the starting point. Chase comes in seconds later and says that it's going to be about an hour, which gives us enough time to leisurely eat, enjoy lunch and talk.

We don't talk about anything serious. The view out of our window is mostly the guide for our conversation because we each have something we see that interests us enough to mention it or talk about it.

It turns out that the Space Needle is actually used as a sort of look-out from time to time. Only Dauntless has access to it and we consider it part of security and defense. Even the power to the building is under Dauntless control instead of Erudite. This information is provided by Chase when I noticed the collection of furniture that is on this level. It mainly consists of a few tables and chairs, but there are a couple of fold-up cots that are pushed out of the way and ready for whoever might be stationed here. This level would be considered a barracks of sorts while the observation level has been kept mostly intact with a few additions made for the guards to record and communicate activity.

Zach points out a few buildings and landmarks, things that he's gotten to explore for himself over the years. Like the Chihuly Garden and Glass building that is near the Space Needle and the Museum of Flight. There are more places like those that have actually survived well over the years and haven't been damaged too much by looters or the ravages of time. Then again, those kinds of places have gotten some maintenance from Erudite so it's not too surprising.

The tension I had earlier seems to melt away and I can tell that it's the same for the three of them as well. It remains like that until the conversation goes from talking about what we're seeing outside of the window to something else entirely.

A completely random thought flashed through my mind when Zach and Chase were talking about the old Zoo, debating what happened to the various animals when the city was abandoned and if they are somewhere out there beyond our city borders. I guess it was the mention of the animals that did it. An image of a specific animal has haunted my dreams from as far back as I can remember and I've always been curious if that's normal or not.

Before I know it I'm blurting out a question.

"Do any of you know about a person's dreams having meaning?" I ask this casually as I break apart a third cookie and pop it into my mouth.

"Dreams are generally a byproduct of the subconscious stepping forward or bleeding through. Sometimes they aren't even that and are just produced by random firings of different centers in the brain." Eric spouted the answers, not even hesitating a moment from the second the question was uttered, but in a manner that felt as if it was knowledge straight from a book coming out of his mouth instead.

I watch as Zach and Chase look at him in what has to be close to the same way I'm looking at him right now.

"What?" He asks when he realizes it's quiet and we're all looking at him.

"Nothing. Just your Erudite is showing, Eric." I reply with a smirk and playfully bump my shoulder against his.

He rolls his eyes and chooses to ignore my statement and the laughter from us afterward. "Why were you asking about dreams, kitten?"

I use the few seconds it takes me to finish chewing another bite of cookie to think of how to describe what I'm wondering about. "As far back as I can remember I've had this recurring dream of sorts." I pause, frowning, and shake my head. "That's not exactly right...it's not the same dream but a particular thing that seems to turn up and insert itself no matter what I'm dreaming about. I wanted to know if there is any meaning to it."

"What is it?" Chase asks quietly after the guys share a worried look at first.

"I had to look it up once because it looked like a panther but it wasn't really black like it's shown in our history books, it was dark grey...dark enough to almost look black in certain light. Sometimes, I can see it very clearly while other times I don't so much see it as I just know it's there, just melted into the shadows. Like, this one dream I've had more than once where I'm in the meadow near our house back in Abnegation, playing and running from Tris one minute and the next I've fallen down some deep dark hole. I'm scared and alone, crying for my sister and mom. I can hear their voices but can't see them. I can't see anything really, except for eyes in the dark that seem to glow gold and green. It doesn't scare me...in fact it helps me to know I'm not alone. Other times, I actually see the panther in the dream. It will be just out in the open but everyone else in the dream seems oblivious to it as it watches everything going on around it."

"You said as far back as you can remember but when is the first time you really noticed it?" Eric asks, his tone is much like he just had when he spouted out all that information about dreams. It's one of the very few times that I could actually picture him in Erudite.

I swallow and frown in concentration as I think back how far it goes and while I have a feeling it happened before then, the first time I was actually conscious of it was when I was in the hospital and just after my surgery. "I know it had to have happened before then but the first time I really even paid attention was just after my surgery and when I was still fairly out of it. It was a very odd time for me because they kept me really drugged up and there were times I felt like I was in a constant state of being half-awake and half-dreaming. I was in that state when I remember seeing it but at the time I thought I had hallucinated it because I was awake. I woke up because I heard my dad talking to someone in the room and when I looked for him I saw him sitting in the chair beside my bed and he was talking to a nurse that was checking on me. But what made me think I was hallucinating was because...this enormous cat was curled around my father's chair and seemed to be watching the nurse with this look that seemed to be almost protective in nature. I know it wasn't really there but I don't know how I was seeing it or what it means."

I had to laugh at the image I was painting of any kind of animal being allowed in the Erudite hospital, much less that kind of animal. I mention as much to them and they laugh a little along with me.

"Maybe it was real and a dream all at the same time. Some people naturally have the ability to what's called lucid dreaming...where the person can either consciously or subconsciously guide the direction of their dreams. Others experience that kind of dreaming under other circumstances, like being under the influence of drugs. So it could have been one of two things...it could have been real and parts of a dream you had been in before you started to wake became mixed up with reality. Or you could have actually been asleep still but were taking in all the noises around you, like your dad in the hospital room with you as well as the nurse, and came up with the images in your dream to match that."

I nod, frowning, and worrying my bottom lip. "That makes sense. I've always had the ability you mentioned, to kind of change some of my dreams. Not the really bad ones but generally, it's almost like I can guide them." Eric nods, tiredly, and runs a hand over the back of his neck and I know that what I've just revealed has to be connected to my divergence in some way. "It's because I'm divergent, isn't it?"

"Not necessarily." Zach tries to reassure me but Eric shrugs and mutters "Maybe," at the same time.

"I know what I do about all that because it's part of what makes fear sims, or the simulations in general, possible. It puts the person in a state of being half awake and half asleep and then, depending on what the serum they took has been developed for, it stimulates regions of the brain to produce the results they are looking for. For fear sims, obviously, it targets areas of the brain that are known for where subconscious thoughts originate from. Specifically, they target the area that studies have indicated where the largest amount of brain activity comes from when fear is induced. I know that people who have the ability to lucid dream are harder to hold under the serum but I don't know if that is because they were divergent or not."

I try not to freak out or panic as I hear this explanation. Then Zach speaks up and says that it might be a good thing, that it will be something that we have going in our favor to hide my divergence. The panic does quiet back down at this.

Chase pulled out his phone and started typing on it while Zach elaborated to try and further calm me.

"If you have the ability to guide dreams like you said that might mean you will have enough awareness during the sim to remember what would need to be done in order to make it look good. Divergents already have a sort of awareness during the sims but they are still subject to the emotional responses that can be harder to overcome when their instincts kick in. This might help you to override what your instincts are going to be driving you to do and work through things."

Before I can respond to him, Chase nudges Zach and shows him something on his phone. The two of them then hunch over it. Eric takes there distraction as an opportunity to lay his arm over my shoulder after pulling me even closer to him.

"From what I could see and what I heard, it looked like things went mostly okay during your parent's visit today." Eric quietly states, but I know it's his way of letting me know he needs to know how things went but is holding himself back from outright demanding.

I smile and sigh a little. "It went better than I was even secretly hoping for," I admit and watch his lips twitch in one of his knowing smiles. "I didn't allow myself to even hope dad would come, but I was hoping mom would no matter if he might get upset about it. I just didn't want to admit that because…"

I trail off when I realize what I'm about to admit and how Eric's likely to react but I might as well have just said it because he figured it out anyway.

"It wouldn't have been selfish, but I can see where you might think it was," Eric mutters and shifts before sighing slightly. "Zach said your mom told you two something, and that it sounded formal but couldn't figure out what that was about."

I blush a bite my lower lip. "You'll probably think it's stupid." I murmur and wince at his glare. "There's this thing that's done in Abnegation, I guess it could be considered a right of passage or something to welcome the dependent into becoming an adult. Children aren't really allowed to freely speak their minds in Abnegation. The night of the dependents choosing, when they go back home, they are welcomed back and to the table, regardless of it being an actual mealtime. The same thing my mom said to us is what is said to them, that they are recognized as an adult and equal. I know it might seem stupid and antiquated, but it's kind of a big deal in Abnegation. Not only to be thought of as an equal but also just acknowledged as an individual at all."

"It doesn't seem stupid, Kat. Just different. Erudite has some traditions like that as well. I don't know what they do for the Erudite that return but I know that there are traditions for when the faction considers the dependent to have become an adult at thirteen."

"Really? What do they do?" I ask, intrigued, and trying to imagine what that faction would do, but then another question pops up. "And why thirteen?"

Eric grumbles and shifts uncomfortably, looking away from me for a second. "It varies from family to family what they do. I know that a group of mothers used to organize a big brunch for the girls turning thirteen and did something to recognize them but I'm not sure what or how. As far as why they do it at thirteen...it's believed that by then all the dependents would have entered puberty, and thus entered adulthood."

I stop myself from laughing at Eric's obvious discomfort at the direction the conversation is going and allow him to turn it back towards my parents and their visit. I summarize what happened with my dad when we walked away after the Cara incident but I carefully left out anything regarding Four. I couldn't completely skip over it though, Eric had been watching too closely and hadn't missed the tension we had during that.

So, I resorted to my telling the truth without saying too much.

"Dad wanted to apologize to me. Not only for the fact that we thought he was angry at us for transferring...but he apologized for times in the past when we might have thought he was disappointed in us." Eric's raised eyebrow was already telling me he wanted more details than that, something I expected. "Specifically, after the incident with the factionless. He said he was sorry that I ever felt he blamed me for what happened that day and that while he had been angry it had been at himself for failing as a father to protect us." I pause, wondering if I should or shouldn't tell Eric this and feeling guilty for hesitating even a little when I know Eric's trying so hard to be more open with me. "He also said that he was and will continue to be regretful that he let me blame myself."

I look at Eric and watch his nostrils flare before he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in and then lets it out slowly. When he opens his eyes again he nods at me, telling me to continue.

"Apparently he and my mom always suspected we were up to stuff but we had learned to hide it better, and it scared him that he wasn't there to protect us. He explained he hoped that I would become a bit more cautious in the future and that if by allowing me to blame myself it kept me safe, then it could be forgiven. Only, he's realized that it was wrong of him to do that."

"It was wrong of him." Eric grits out with a tick in his jaw and a hard look in his eyes. When I wince a little and start to look down he reaches out and pulls my chin to look back at him. "It wasn't your fault, Kat. I don't care how much you think it was because you were somewhere you shouldn't have been...the truth is that doesn't fucking matter. You were a kid, being a kid, and should have had the freedom and safety to be that way without the fear of being hurt. Anyone who says or implies that you got what you deserved for being somewhere you shouldn't is dead wrong. Do you understand? It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

I nod, my eyes burning and a breath whooshing out of me. "I think I can believe that now."

If I could read minds, I swear I know exactly what Eric would be thinking right this second. There's a flash in his eyes that is screaming the words 'fucking finally' out to me. My lips curl into a smile seconds before I burst into laughter.

It's such a turn around from seconds ago, how solemn and serious it was and I can tell this has Eric feeling disgruntled and confused. His eyebrows are in his hairline and he's looking me over like he's trying to determine if I've lost my mind or something. Which just makes me laugh even harder.

"What?" He finally asks me, with his lips twitching at the sides.

I shake my head, trying to reign in my laughter and regain the ability to speak. "Oh god," I gasped out after a few seconds of struggle and I wiped a tear from my eye. "I swear, it was like I could hear what your thinking and that you were mentally shouting..fucking finally...or something equal to that."

I started to laugh again and saw Eric struggling to keep from laughing as well, but failing. While they are still looking at his phone, Chase and Zach have also been subtly paying attention to what we've been talking about as well, and they start chuckling.

"Think you know me so well, do you? I'll have you know I was actually thinking...fucking finally...maybe now she'll listen to us."

I started to laugh even harder, almost falling out of my chair until Eric reached out and dragged me onto his lap, kissing the side of my head while still chuckling lightly. Even after the laughter subsided I stayed in his lap and we just sat there enjoying the view for a bit while he occasionally murmured his own observations about the city. He points out the general location of the Japanese gardens that Erudite brought back to life in their sector while we polish off the rest of the cookies together and wash it down with a bottle of still ice-cold water.

Across from us, Chase and Zach are still hunched over the tablet. Occasionally one of them will snatch it from the other, fiddle with it some, and then they go back to muttering together about whatever it is they are looking at.

I think this finally gets to Eric and he can't ignore it anymore. "What the hell are you two doing over there?"

Chase looks up at us while Zach takes possession of the device. "We were researching what we could about lucid dreaming and it looks like Zach's thoughts on it might be correct. We won't know for sure until you're in the sim though, because the serum does have things added into it that spike your adrenaline and enhance anxiety."

"Ughh," I groan and close my eyes. I wasn't looking forward to the sims before, but now I'm absolutely dreading them.

"That's not all we found but this is actually something you might want to hear," Zach announces, forcing me to open my eyes again.

"Go ahead," Eric instructs him and tightens his arm around my waist.

"We looked up dream meanings and interpretations, specifically for animals. This is what we found for yours. I know you said it wasn't completely black, but it was close enough and it's more about the animal itself. Panthers, along with the other Panthera counterparts, are some of the strongest spirits and totems. They are both powerful and protective and symbolize courage, valor, and power." Zach finishes reading off and seems to be hesitating as he looks over whatever is on the screen.

I get the feeling he doesn't want to tell me whatever else it says for some reason, so I hold out my hand and look at him resolutely. He hands it over with a sigh and slumps back into his chair. I see the next few paragraphs on the screen and from the first few sentences, I know why he was torn about telling me.

'As an ancient and powerful spirit guide, the panther signifies darkness, death, and rebirth. The totem is the symbol of power, beauty, and grace. It is a signal to reclaim your power often after a period of pain, suffering, and death on some level. If the panther has shown up, it has invited you to befriend the night and work through your fears.' [spirit animal-dot-info]

It goes on, listing more qualities and information about what people once believed the panther stood for spiritually. I read it silently, knowing that Eric is reading over my shoulder as well, his arm drawing me even tighter against his body.

Reading it isn't as upsetting as it probably should be, considering that the first thing it said was that it signifies darkness and death, nevermind that it also says it symbolizes rebirth too. At first, that ominous tone seems to overwhelm me, preventing me from grasping everything else it goes on to say. It talks about its strength and courage, but it goes on to say that the panther will often appear to remind a woman that she can embody grace and beauty and still remain strong.

It lists a series of questions that it suggests you ask yourself at the appearance of the panther to try and determine what your 'shadow self' wants you to know.

What they call it, along with the description hits deep within me. It makes sense and in a twisted sort of way that the panther is an internal representation of myself, the best and worst parts of me.

I don't notice how absolutely quiet it got or how tense everyone was until Eric's voice speaking shatters it.

"Live your dreams, discover your desires, and begin a new chapter in life." He recites the last sentence softly while leaning his head against mine so that he's close to my ear.

I lower the device on the table and turn to look at him more fully, smiling softly at him and adjusting myself so that our foreheads are now touching. I take a few deep, calming breaths and nod when he whispers, asking if I'm okay.

"Better than okay and I plan on doing that, Eric. Starting a new chapter in life, one that I have more control of than ever before. This didn't upset me...it just...I don't know...confirmed some things for me. Maybe it's even given me hope that there's more in store for me than I thought and not to give up."

Eric lets out a breath, shuddering a little as he murmurs the word 'good' before pulling back and looking at me again. "It definitely got it right. You are strong and brave, strong enough to stand on your own if you had to...but you don't, Kat. Whatever happened in the past you might have had to go through alone, but you don't anymore. No matter how bad it might seem, remember that."

I glance out the side of my eyes at the movement from the table and catch a glimpse of Zach and Chase who must have gotten up to give us some privacy at some point and notice Zach leaning against the glass and casting looks at me as they talk quietly, Chase looking at the phone again and pointing at something else on the screen with a smile.

It strikes me how much I've come to rely on all of them. Maybe not enough to have opened up about some of my deeper secrets, but enough that I can see myself doing that where before I couldn't. It's things like just now make me feel that way. They hadn't laughed at me or scoffed when I told them about my dreams when most rational people would just tell me it doesn't mean anything and not to worry about it but not them. Not only did they hear me out, they also tried to help me by getting any information they could about it and let me make up my own mind about it.

I look back up at Eric and nod with a smile. "I will, Eric."

****Worth Fighting For*****

It's not too much later that I find myself in the observation area with the wind whipping around me and shakily leaning against the angled glass to look at the ground below us.

I read that the Space Needle stands at six hundred and five feet tall. At this moment I'm feeling every single inch making it seem double in size to me as I realize the enormity of what I'm about to be doing shortly. I'm stuck here looking out at everything. From the cables, we'll be using for the zip-line that are actually a few floors lower. To where they extend out to the nearest buildings and then beyond. I try to imagine everything in my mind, even what might go wrong.

It's equal parts exhilarating and nerve-wracking.

Warmth engulfs my hand just after I felt Eric step beside me, and he pulled me into his side then into his chest, looking down at me intently. "You're not changing your mind." He states firmly...not questions.

It's a command on his part. But something tells me if I had changed my mind, if for whatever reason I really just couldn't do it, Eric wouldn't force me to no matter how disappointed he might be.

I shake my head in the negative and smile despite myself. "No. I was really just torturing myself and thinking about what it would be like to do it from up here if it had been possible, and anything that could have gone wrong."

His eyes crinkle a little at the sides but his lips don't move into a smile. "Don't think...or at least not like that. A Dauntless wouldn't think about what could go wrong, they would just do it and I need you to start doing that too, Kat. Earlier...with that Erudite Cara...I get why you chose to strike back at her like the way you did. It had more of an impact on her than threats of violence ever could. But it's going to be a stretch for me to spin it as you were just using a tactical advantage and knew your enemy's weakness. Even if I put it out there that you learned it from watching me in all of our mornings together, it still might raise a few eyebrows if someone gets wind of it. There can't be any more of those incidents, Kat. It would be too hard to explain away. So...starting now...you not only act like a Dauntless but think like one too. Understand?"

I nod while frowning as something brews inside of me. Something that I might have just let simmer before and never said it out loud but have been unlocked by the combination of what I was reading earlier and the presence of someone I think might just truly understand and be as passionate about as I am. Finally, the need becomes too great and I can't keep silent anymore.

"I won't apologize for what I did, Eric. At the time, I admit, I was more upset about how she was treating my parents but that's not entirely why I did it. You have no clue how it felt being treated like I was nothing, year after year, and not being able to say or do anything about it. You have no clue how many times I had to listen to stupid lies being spouted about the faction from the people who were supposed to tell the truth about everything or the ones that prided themselves on knowing everything there was to know...but they had no clue about what it was really like in Abnegation. I couldn't do or say anything then, but I can now. 'We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.' That's what I did. Not just because those were my parents, but because it was the right thing to do. I might not have belonged in Abnegation, agreed with or liked some of its policies, but I respect its place in our city. I might not care for their air of superiority, but I admire Erudite for their contributions to the city that they have made and continue to make in an effort to better our lives. I don't like the crass manner their commitment to the truth has brought out in many of the members, but I realize that Candor plays a vital role in several areas that cross into all factions. I couldn't imagine living my entire life in the manner they have chosen, but there is no mistaking without Amity there would be no city because we wouldn't be able to sustain ourselves. This is what being Dauntless means to me. Recognizing that I might not like the way a faction has chosen to live, I might not want to live that way myself, but I will fight tooth and nail for their rights as citizens to safely live in the way they've chosen to."

I'm panting slightly by the time I've finished speaking and I wonder how my little speech is going down with Eric. I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be happy with me. I realize how radical my views might seem to others under the current mentality the city seems to have and that's exactly what Eric is trying to stop me from revealing.

I start to look down to my feet but he doesn't allow me to and grips my chin in his hand to look back up at him. There is something deep and fierce that I see there just before he crushes his lips against mine. When he finally pulls back, I'm clutching to his jacket and disoriented.

"That wasn't what I expected," I mutter, trying to get my breath back.

"Welcome to my world since you came into it," Eric rumbles out with a chuckle before huffing "We need to get going" before I can ask him what he means.

He leads me to a stairwell and we go down a few flights until we reach where Chase and Zach are waiting for us.

"Okay, this is how this is going to work, princess. Chase is going to first, then you'll go after him. There are a few drops along the way but the harness will be secure so you don't have to worry about that."

Zach takes a breath to continue but Chase interrupts him, bouncing in place and smiling. "Yeah, yeah. She doesn't need coaching or babying. She's got this. Don't you, sweetheart?" He winks at me but doesn't wait for a response as he steps up to the entry point.

Zach shakes his head, exasperated, and moves to help get Chase strapped in. During this time I realize that whoever goes last won't have anyone to help them but Eric informs me that one of the things we were waiting on was not only our exit but also the guards who were scheduled to come here anyway. Not only to take a shift to observe but also to inspect the building in general as well as the lines in the immediate area. So that is covered.

Chase is strapped into the sling and harness in a horizontal position and once everything has been tightened up, Zach pushes him to the very edge. It isn't that far. The area we are at is actually tight and the four of us feel like a crowd. If there were any more people they would have to wait in the stairwell. Chase gives him a thumbs up then Zach starts swinging him back and forth. He does this a couple of times before he shoves him forward on the last time causing Chase to whoop loudly and then he's hurtling through the air at impossible speeds. He's going so fast that he seems to blur along the line until he's just a black speck in the blue sky. If he's still hooting with joy I can't hear it.

"You ready, kitten?" Eric asks close to my ear.

A shiver of anticipation and nervousness shots down by spine even as I nod to him. "I'm ready," I reply firmly, proud that I'm about to do that without allowing how nervous I am to come through.

His chuckle suggests that he's still aware of how I'm feeling. "Good girl." He replies with a proud smirk. "Let's get you set up then."

He helps me into the sling while Zach holds it in place but Eric is the one to cinch all the straps in place. He does them up so tightly it causes me to gasp and huff when it becomes tight enough to take the wind from me.

When I cast a glare at him he doesn't even bother to look even slightly phased by it, he's too focused on making sure I'm secure. He's completely unapologetic and in a protective mode right now. If I wasn't feeling terror slowly creeping up on me I might have something to say to him. After I'm all strapped in he moves towards my upper body, grips my chin and turns my head to look at him and not the plummet I'm about to take and smiles with pride even as his eyes are radiating worry.

"When you come to a stop you're going to release the hooks by pulling on this," He points up to the release cord Zach explained to me already. "That will allow you to fall into what we have set up. Got it?"

"Yes sir," I whisper at first, then repeat a little firmer after a look from him. He kisses me while guiding me to the edge then whispers close enough for me to hear.

"I promised to let you fly, angel, and I keep my promises. I'll see you on the other side."

****Worth Fighting For****

"Oh shit," I gasp and shriek at the same time as Eric shoves me without proper warning.

Sure he did the same thing Zach did with Chase and swung me a few times but I certainly hadn't given thumbs up. Now I'm hurtling through space, confirming that the impossible speed Chase seemed to be going is in fact possible. I feel more like a bullet being launched from the barrel of a gun rather than a bird in flight.

The decline is gradual at first but it doesn't stop me from building up speed. The first drop comes without warning and almost has me emptying my bladder in shock, at least that's what it feels like. It definitely knocks out what little breath I had being strapped in so tight. My eyes are wide and I feel like I should be screaming but I can't even make a sound right now. Even if I did, the rate of speed I'm going at would just tear it away before it could project.

The shock of the experience begins to fade pretty quickly, to my relief, and I'm able to enjoy it. I find myself turning my head this way and that, trying to see everything as the city hurtles past me. The line has a few more drops as it takes me closer to the ground, traveling through buildings that have huge chunks missing from them. I glimpse the shine of steel beams and girders sticking out at angles, lending the illusion that they're the teeth in the maw of some titan or monster.

I open my arms as wide as I can as I go, finally getting the feeling that I might just be capable of real flight. The wind is whipping and tugging at any hold it finds on my clothes as I go. The cold stings even through my layers of protection, which seems to ignite the pain of the serum once again. I barely even register that or the cold that's making my ungloved hands stiff.

I'm flooded with adrenaline and happiness. It burns through me so hot that it seems like I'm as bright as the sun at this moment and not even the serum and coldness can overcome that.

My rate of speed is slowing and I'm able to make out more of the shapes I'm seeing around me. Up ahead, I see something that looks like a huge black pillow in the distance. As I get even closer I can see that there's a person standing beside it and they're waving their arms. A little closer and I can tell it's Chase and that his mouth is moving and he's now pumping his fists as he shouts. I gesture back in a wave but Eric has me in so tight I can't move much and am surprised I'm able to breathe at all.

I've lost enough speed and hit places on the line that seem like they are meant to help slow me even further that I actually come to a stop above the big black blob. I hear Chase yelling for me to hit the release and grunt until I finally grasp it and pull, releasing me to drop into what turns out to be a pillow of air. I laugh after it swallows me up in it, folding in around me and obscuring everything. It's an all-consuming, belly shaking laugh that brings tears to my eyes. That's how hard I'm laughing and I can't seem to stop.

I feel like I do when I've just given in to crying after fighting it for so long and I need the release but this is much...much..better.

Better than chocolate? Better than sex?

I laughed even harder when the mental question sounded all scandalized and was an imitation of both Uri and Mar's voices. Given their individual obsessions, it's not hard to figure out who said what in my mind.

The bag starts rocking and I hear Chase calling out to me. "You okay in here, sweetheart?" The worry in his tone as he fights his way to me makes me laugh even harder just as it was starting to sputter out and I throw my hand in the air in reply.

Miraculously he sees it and makes his way to me until the bag isn't swallowing me anymore and I can actually see the sky again with Chase hovering over me. He reaches to grab my hand and tries to help me up and off which doesn't work out. Between my laughing and the fact that the adrenaline is waning enough to have my legs feeling like jelly, I'm stumbling my way and more often than not taking Chase down with me when I fall back into the bag.

It's a good thing Chase is such a good sport because he's laughing even as he decides to just scoop me up in his arms and carry me the rest of the way out. The entire time I'm jabbering in excitement, the laughter finally has gone so I can form words and breathe enough to get oxygen back in my brain. With his feet on the ground, he gives me a hug and swings me around before setting me on my feet, smiling with joy and amusement. "I guess it's safe to say you're officially addicted."

"Yes! Do you think Eric would let me?"

He smirks and looks past me into the distance, the smirk turning into a smile. "Why don't you ask him yourself. Here he comes."

He raises his arm and points. I whip around and search the sky, finally spotting the black smudge that I assume is Eric hurtling to us. I grin and start bouncing in impatience, yelling his name and not caring that I know from experience he isn't hearing anything where we are right now.

Eric doesn't wait to come to a complete stop before he releases himself like I did, but he still makes it onto the airbag. Just before he drops I get to see he was grinning madly with his hair tangled and wild. Just as wild as his blue eyes that were locked on me. It makes me want to jump on that big pillow and him and try to mess up that hair even more.

I don't even get the chance to complete the mental fantasy I was building up to. Unlike me, Eric had no trouble getting out of the over puffed marshmallow and hadn't wasted any time in rolling out of it then stalking towards me. I can't even wait the scant amount of seconds I know it would take him to get to me and bolt forward. He laughs when he realizes my intentions and I leap up into his waiting arms. Our mouths are engaged in a hungry kiss before my legs are even wrapped around his waist. He doesn't let me go even when we've stopped kissing and are now pressing our foreheads together. I'm clinging to him tightly and he's breathing me in.

"Thank you, Kat." He murmurs so softly I think I'm imagining it. "I never realized what I was missing until you came along." He doesn't give me a chance to reply, just kisses me softly until we hear Chase announcing that he sees Zach.

He slowly lets me down then we turn and join Chase to watch Zach making his own grinning, hooting appearance.

It's a moment and a feeling and I never want to forget it. I resolve to burn it into my heart, mind, soul...and more tangibly on my body so that I will always have a reminder.