A/N: Sorry the chapter is a bit long but I hope you guys enjoy it though!
Chapter 56 -How Dauntless Are You?
Eric
I have only myself to blame for what's happening right now.
My need for Kat has been on a slow, but still extremely hot burn, all day. There have been a few spikes here and there that I considered close calls in losing control but it all came to a boiling point after the tattoo.
As soon as Bud finished I kicked his ass out, not even letting him grab all of his shit but promising to get it to him sometime soon. Then I spent the better part of an hour hungrily devouring Kat in a series of edging sessions and multiple orgasms. Her trembling, gasping, moaning sobs had only driven me wilder and wilder and there had been no end in sight for me. It took her sobs turning into begging to finally stop my assault on her. After that, I just held her in my arms thinking about how it had gotten as far as it had so that I lost control of myself that way.
The simple truth is I can't get enough of Kat. But what made everything worse was the building frustration that there's nothing I can do to change the fact that we have to keep things quiet about us, all while Peter eff'ing Hayes gets to play the boyfriend. I don't care how much Zach has tried to reassure me there is no way he wants her like that, it's still enough to drive me insane with jealousy and has left me with the need to put my mark or claim on her in some other way.
I admit my idea about designing the tattoo for her was in large part to satisfy the craving I had to mark her. That didn't change until I had sat in my office long after getting done what needed to be done for training because I was caught up in working on the design after it turned into being about so much more for me. I haven't had the desire to pick up my sketchbook or draw once I had my chest piece tattoo design done and that's been a few years now. I had never planned to either, but I understood all too well what was driving her to get her tattoo. When Kat told me the reason she wanted to get it and described what she wanted it to symbolize, it hit deep in me because her reasons were similar to what I felt when I drew mine. I found myself needing to make sure the tattoo had what she saw in her own mind as well as everything I see and feel makes Kat who she is in all aspects. I could only do that by picking up the pencil again.
"Fuck!" I grunt in a loud and harsh bark, bringing me back to the present and how I got here.
Like I said, it's my own damn fault.
I should have been thinking a little more clearly and been a whole hell of a lot less smug in the knowledge that I had pleased Kat so thoroughly she couldn't even speak. I should have remembered who I was dealing with. I should have remembered that Kat wouldn't stand for me taking care of her and not trying to do the same for me and that she probably had something in mind to do just that.
In otherwords, I should have remembered those fucking books.
I take back the thoughts I've had about getting Kat more of those damn things she's been reading. In fact, I'm seriously contemplating confiscating every book she owns. Hell, I just might have to make it every book in Dauntless and have a huge bonfire. Because in her hands the knowledge from those books, along with things she's picked up from me, have become instruments of torture. They are weapons of mass destruction all aimed at my control and sanity.
It started out with her teasing in that innocent way she has about her. Even that was stretching my control since I was so revved up by that point and had been in the process of trying to talk myself down. Then she took every trick I had just been using on her, adapted, tweaked, and then turned them all on me.
It doesn't really surprise me, or at least it shouldn't surprise me.
I've quickly discovered Kat's a very passionate person in general and that isn't different when it comes to the two of us, except maybe she's a bit more unrestrained with me. Her movements are still inexperienced and she still tries to take too much of me from time to time but she's a fast learner.
She brings out in me things, urges, that I've never had with anyone before now. They're the kinds of things that an in-control version of me would never even fucking think of giving into with Kat. But I have to admit I feel myself weakening in that resolve. It doesn't help that she moans louder the rougher I get.
"God damn, you're making me feel so fucking good," I growl and pant at the same time as I feel my release building up.
Kat makes a pleased humming sound that has me gritting my teeth and closing my eyes in enjoyment and anticipation.
But that doesn't last long.
Because the sensation of impending release starts to fade along with the warmth of Kat's mouth. My eyes pop open to see she's no longer sucking me and is just using the tip of her tongue along the shaft while one hand grips the bottom, essentially cutting off any chance of cumming right now.
It takes a few seconds for me to think properly and I'm about to ask her if she's okay until I see that wicked gleam in her eye as she's looking right at me. When she removes her tongue but still keeps her hand gripping me I realize that she's doing this on purpose. She knew I was almost there and stopped, edging me in the same way I was edging her earlier.
I'm just about to put a stop to whatever devious thing her mind has come up with now until the memory of the last time we were together like this and how I almost ruined it comes up. That stops me in my tracks. It makes me realize how much of a hypocrite I've been when it comes to the physical aspect with Kat. As much as I've been telling her to think like and act like a Dauntless in all things, in some ways I'm still treating her like she's an abnegation.
I want her to feel comfortable to discover all these things with me but she won't if I try to hold her back. Worse, if I keep acting like I have been then she's going to think there's something wrong with what she's trying to do, that there's something wrong with her for wanting to do them. This thought ignites something in me, burning away all those thoughts and hesitations. Gone is the belief I once had that the only way to prove this is different with her is to keep us from doing certain things together. Which really is just ridiculous, considering everything I've done for and with Kat has been different from the start.
During the time when I was caught up in those thoughts, Kat started to amp up the teasing with a taunting gleam in her eyes. This time I respond with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Not a single word passes my lips but she gets the message that I've realized her intentions and that I'm calling her bluff.
It becomes a contest of wills. A battle to see who can make the other let go first and I tell her as much in a hiss when she backs away from sending me over the edge once again. Kat has a clear advantage in that she is actually touching me, when all I have is my words and the occasional use of my hands in her hair. Just before I issued the challenge I realized that this is having a tangible effect on Kat. It became clear to me how much she was enjoying this when I realized she wasn't just her moaning and sighing in pleasure, her body was trembling and I could see her ass wiggling from side to side as she rubbed her thighs together. It seemed like maybe, just maybe she was about to come too. I wondered if I could push her over the edge, if she was so affected by me and what the moment we are sharing that we could also share release together.
A guttural growl breaks free as my body trembles. My stomach and abdomen muscles tighten with the tension of trying to reign myself in even just a little. Kat moans loudly and it vibrates up my shaft while my grip of her hair tightens even more. There is not a chance I'm letting her pull away one more damn time.
Kat's won. She's broken me.
Not that there's a chance in hell I'm going to let her know this. I still fight right up to the end, and keep on taunting her as well as slipping in murmurs of approval for how close I know she has to be close to coming, if her moans and trembles are anything to go by. I'm past trying to gently guide her or hold her back and now feel nothing but fierce hunger and animalistic urges that have me uttering the dirtiest of shit to her, and that just seems to encourage her even further.
Something about my final comment, when I told her how fucking sexy she looks with her ass up in the air while her head bobs up and down on my cock like she's greedy for it, sets her off finally. She cries out while still on me and the last of my resistance and fighting off the inevitable evaporates as my climax explodes from me. I swear my eyes roll up into the back of my head and my heart feels like it might burst with how hard and fast it's beating right now. When the trembling and convulsions in my body finally stop I collapse back onto the bed, panting and breathing hard while I lay dazed in a state of wonder and shock.
I don't know how much time passes before I realize that Kat's still down by my legs and I glance down to check on her. I frown when I see her slumped forward, her face buried in her hands that are resting on top of my thigh.
Still frowning and still slightly trembling, I reach for her while panting out "Come here, kitten."
She doesn't stop me from dragging her up beside me but she doesn't exactly help either. As soon as she's beside me, she tries to bury her face again but I put a stop to that by making her look at me.
I feel my heart stop for a second, worrying that I did go too far with things. That I might have done or said something to have her feeling ashamed or uncomfortable. It isn't until she raises her eyes to meet mine that I see the furious blush on her cheeks and the embarrassment in her eyes.
"Hey, there's nothing for you to be embarrassed about." I try not to growl out the words. Thankfully they come out mostly huskily.
"I came, Eric." She whispers out tremulously and I can't help the confusion I feel at her admission.
"Yeah...I know." My response doesn't help and her lip trembled a little as she tries to look down again but I still won't let her.
"I came and you weren't even touching me." She whispers.
"And it was sexy as hell." It's a strain to keep from snapping in frustration at her.
"But that...it's not normal...is it?"
Now that I know a bit more of what she's feeling and thinking, my frustration eases and I soften as I pull her against me. I kiss her temple before gently pressing her face against my chest. I know I'm going to need to open up a bit in order to relieve the insecurity she's feeling but for some reason I can't do that while she's looking into my eyes.
"Kat, I have no fucking clue what's supposed to be normal or not, not when it comes to this...to us. Nothing in my life ever has been before, and honestly, I don't care what someone else might consider to be normal. The only thing that matters to me is how we feel about things. So the question is...did you like what happened?"
"So much," She sighs against my chest as she turns her face to nuzzle against it and her body relaxes a little into me as the insecurity starts to fade. "Did you?"
I let out a harsh breath and chuckle a little as I card a hand through her hair. "Like isn't a strong enough word, kitten. You absolutely wreck me." I grunt out the admission.
She raises her head to look at me, her bottom lip captured between her teeth as she contemplates my admission. "Is that a bad thing?" She finally asks, still looking at me.
I shift uneasily, slightly uncomfortable with how it feels like she's trying to see into my soul, then mentally scoff at myself for the exaggeration.
"Not at all," I reply while also trying to stuff down the dark rebellion that pings in the back of my mind that wants me to deny the hold she has on me is anything that will end well.
I worry that she might press for more of a response than that but she doesn't. She turns her head again and presses her lips to my bare skin, but I feel a smile on her lips as she does that. That final bit of tension leaves her and we both relax into the bed, content to just be like this together. She continues to press her lips against my chest but adds her fingers as they trace over my side. The room is illuminated by the lamp on the side of the bed I'm currently laying on. It's not enough to make it too bright but enough to see clearly and that's how I know when I look down at her that she's using the moment to look over my tattoo again.
There can't be any doubt in her mind that it's not only my design, but also drawn by my own hand. Not when she's now wearing something similar. The two tattoos wouldn't be called matching by any means, even if they are on the same side and have the same general placement, but there is a certain, definitive style that is carried through both of them. The way that I used smoke and shadows in her tattoo to obscure parts of the panther's body is the same that I used for parts of my own. Though, her's are less harsh and more flowing as it curls sinuously and seductively along her side. It isn't as stark or menacing as I have them incorporated in my design.
The majority of her tattoo is a mixture of realistic-looking smoke, shaded in varying intensity of the colors black and grey. As she requested, some of the tattoo slightly wraps around to her back, following the lines of scars in a manner that blends them into the design instead of covering over them. That is where I also have the tattoo started from. I purposely arranged it so that as it traveled around her side, along her ribs towards the front the body of the panther started to emerge as if from the shadows. Just like in her dreams and the vision she described to us.
Within that, making up the body itself, are the other images she described; the animals that she associates with those she cares about. Each one of those are formed from the smoke, and while not as heavily detailed, they are easily recognizable if one looks closely enough. There are a few that have more substance to them the closer they get to 'the heart' of the panther, or where that would be if the body was fleshed out. But up until that point everything just hints that there is something more to the tattoo, something moving among the shadows, stalking it's way free. But the viewer doesn't know what it will become until the upper body finally breaks free.
The panther head is turned to be in profile. The expression it has is as close as I could get to the way Kat herself looks when she's displaying that fire she carries inside her. The predator's mouth is just slightly opened, displaying a few of the sharp teeth. It's not in an overly threatening manner but just enough to hint that it could turn deadly at any second with its muscles tensed and ready to strike at anyone that tries to hurt those she holds close to her. The only color in the entire tattoo is the one eye displayed in that profile. I made it gold with flecks of green because that's exactly how her eyes go when she's charged up and determined about something.
It turned out much better than I could ever have hoped for and is exactly as she described it to me. It's a representation of everything Kat is, and can be, at least from my perspective, and everything she hopes to be.
Strong, proud, intelligent, protective, deadly, and sexy.
As I'm mapping her tattoo out in my mind, she's exploring mine with her fingers. I wonder if she can pick out what and who the images in mine represent. I know she has to be curious about what she's seeing. I would be in her place but she doesn't give away any hint of that.
I look back at her to see her head raised and looking over everything as her fingers move across my skin. There's a curiosity in her eyes and reverence in the way she ghosts over things. A lump in my throat forms when she leans in and presses her lips against the latest place she's explored. I realize that this entire time she's been doing the same thing, but I hadn't noticed. Each press of her lips has been over a spot that contains one image or another, all of them significant even though she doesn't know why they are or what they mean. I know without having to see the exact image she's kissing right now.
I don't know if I can tell her the meaning behind everything there, but I can at least tell her a little about why I drew my tattoo and why doing hers was as important to me as it was to her.
"I hadn't picked up a pencil to draw anything in a really long time before tonight." I rasp out, hesitantly at first. She looks up at me, her head tilted at attention but she waits patiently, correctly assuming that there's more to what I'm wanting to say. "The last time was over five years ago when I drew that tattoo just before I had Bud give it to me. It was the anniversary, the first one that I even acknowledged, of my parent's death. Until that day I hadn't been able to bring myself to think about it or them. That morning I woke up and I realized...there were things I had forgotten about...and I didn't want to forget them again, even if some of it was bad." I try to casually shrug it off, the feelings admitting this brings up, and how raw it makes me feel.
I don't know if I can handle it if she makes a big deal out of this or asks any questions about my parents. I'm not ready to get into all that, even though I know I will have to at some point soon.
She just smiles at me softly, her eyes shining slightly with unshed tears. "That's why you knew it was important for me to have a reminder too."
I nod gratefully, relieved that she understands, and I smile a little as I try to shift the mood. "Of course, it didn't hurt that watching you get the tattoo was sexy as hell either."
She huffs, smiling, and lays her head back on my chest after shaking it tiredly. I can tell exhaustion is setting in for her because she doesn't even try to sass back at me, instead she just sleepily murmurs that she liked having me there too.
I wrap my arms around her, bringing her in even closer to my body while she starts to drift away to sleep. I can feel it tugging me along as well and I want to give in but there are things I need to do before I can let it.
I have to arrange for Bud to get his shit back and confirm Chase covered his part of clearing us for this visit. I made sure both Chase and Zach knew we weren't doing breakfast as early as we normally do since it's so late right now. I want Kat to sleep a bit more and that means skipping the normal wake up time. We can't sleep in too much though, since Zach is bringing Peter over for breakfast to help maintain the illusion Kat and he were off together. While the thought of the former candor being in my personal space once again annoys me, at least it will be an opportunity to reinforce my promises should he step out of line.
Kat grumbles sleepily when I get out of bed and she's barely able to cooperate with me when I try to slip one of my shirts and her underwear on her body. It takes a bit longer to get her somewhat covered, but it's necessary. Her being completely naked in the bed while I'm sleeping is just one temptation too many for me right now. I also get myself into something more appropriate for sleep since I'm still in the pants from earlier. The only part of me that Kat bothered to demand I take off or undress herself, was my upper body. My pants she just unzipped and pushed down far enough to give her access for what she wanted to do to me. I even still had my damn boots on.
Once I've done what I need to do, I collapse into bed beside her. I roll over onto my side, facing away from her, and reach out to turn off the light and hit the button on my alarm that will wake us for the time I set it to. I can't help but laugh when I feel her worming her way towards me until her body is pressed against mine, with her front to my back, her arm draped over my waist and her nose pressed into my back. I start to try and switch us around but she grumbles and burrows even further into position so that now she's spooning me.
It's a ridiculous and a bit disconcerting position to be in but I don't fight. In fact, I realize with a grumble, it's actually kind of nice.
That's the last thought I really have before I'm out.
****Worth Fighting For****
Kat
Waking up in Eric's bed again should have been the best feeling in the world.
Unfortunately, even before my eyes opened I knew today was going to suck. My skin was on fire and my body wracked with pain that I couldn't ignore like I normally do. I've had snaps or flares of pain here and there since waking up after capture. Some of them last longer than others and are more intense than I let on, but they fade or at least dull a bit. I was getting used to hiding those or distracting myself from the pain by keeping my mind focused on other things.
Being with Eric is definitely one of the things I use as a distraction. It's a weird contradiction that I can't really explain. During those pain spikes, anything touching me seems to hurt. I couldn't stop that from happening but I learned very quickly that showing how much it hurt would result in Eric not touching me at all. Out of the two types of pain, the loss of Eric was worse and that mindset helped me overcome the physical pain. It truly was mind over matter for me but it seemed that could only get me so far. To help hide whatever I couldn't distract my mind from, I smiled more and laughed louder, so no one would be able to tell that I'm screaming inside.
I'm sure the general lack of sleep as well as the emotional exhaustion from dealing with so many things doesn't exactly help how I'm feeling right now. I also admit that there's a limit to how much I can put my body through before it all just becomes too much and I pay for it somehow. Like right now I've woken up feeling terrible because of all that.
The only good thing I can see about being woken up because of pain is that I wake up before an alarm goes off or before Eric even starts to stir. I'm grateful for this at least because it gives me time to try and brace myself for the day. I'm even able to get out of bed then to the bathroom without Eric knowing right away. I use the excuse of having to relieve myself to quietly find and grab a few of the pills I feel comfortable taking from his medicine cabinet. It's just enough to get me going and will help me until I get the meds and injection from Zach or Eric.
My slight noise in the bathroom was enough to make him realize I wasn't in bed and he grumbled about that loud enough for me to hear him as I finished up. I could tell from his tone when he proclaimed he was heading to the kitchen to start the coffee, that it wasn't just me being out of bed that had him being grouchy. I glance at my watch and see that while it's still early, it's past the time we all normally wake up.
If I'm being honest, Eric's mood probably isn't helped with how emotional and difficult the last few days have been. I could tell several times that he's had a hard time dealing with things that he was telling me or allowing me to discover about him. Like last night and him opening up a little about his parents and how their death impacted him.
I can completely understand because I'm feeling the same way about everything going on right now too.
I shamble my way into the kitchen to join a bleary-eyed Eric as we wait for the coffee to brew and get our fix. When we've gotten most of a cup in our systems he realizes the time then he looks me over and grunts out that I better get dressed since the guys will be here soon. He also informs me that Peter will be joining us too.
I moodily gulp down the last of my coffee, not exactly looking forward to dealing with Peter so early. Then I snort when I realize Eric's concerned about him seeing me dressed like I am. "Have you forgotten my current living situation? He's seen me in way less."
"Thanks for the reminder of yet another thing I plan to address while he's here." He takes the cup from me, firmly slaps it onto the counter behind me, then backs me into the counter while pressing into me then growls before his eyes get a calculating gleam in them.
I roll my eyes and put my hands on his chest while sighing. "Relax, he doesn't ever go out of his way to look at any of the girls."
I frown after I admit this because my mind is going over all the times I or my sister have been ribbed or ridiculed about our appearances in the dorm and I come to the stark realization that it's never come from Peter. Not even at the very beginning when he was still hanging around Drew and Molly. Those two have made comments from day one, of course, but there have been a few from the others. Even Christina has made a few, not about our bodies, just more about relaxing our standards on what we will or won't wear or do to change our appearances.
Eric notices my expression as it dawns on me and I can't help but admit to him what I've realized. "In fact, out of all the guys, Peter's actually been the most...I don't know...not respectful really...but uninterested in checking any of the girls out." I inform him after I've told him about my initial thoughts.
He looks speculative about what I've said, but grunts out that he's still planning to have a few words with Hayes and gently pushes me in the direction of his room to get dressed.
While I'm getting dressed I contemplate all the little facts I've learned about Peter, along with the things I've observed. My enmity for him has greatly lessened over the short time I've spent with him outside of training. I'm not sure if it's been just one thing that's slowly changed my opinions about him or all of them that have added up. There is still the issue of his fight with my sister and how vicious he was, but I have to take most of the blame for that. I knew of his hate for our former faction from the start and I had already started to see he was much quicker to pick on her than he was me. The timing of my confrontation couldn't have been worse. So I can admit my own fault for that situation but it doesn't explain why he's so quick to come at Tris, directing whatever kind of anger he has towards Abnegation onto her when she hasn't tried to cause any kind of conflict with him at all.
If we're going to have to pretend to be anything remotely like boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm going to have to confront him on that.
****Worth Fighting For****
The bad start to the day didn't just extend to my pain. It carried on when the others arrived. Eric was like a barely contained storm, waiting to unleash on Peter. It hadn't taken long for Zach to pull Eric into his bedroom room to talk to him after noticing the glares he was sending my fellow initiates' way, stopping him before it could become more than just glares.
From the couch where I was sitting before everyone arrived, I can hear strained voices murmuring behind the closed door. I sat in awkward silence alone with Peter as we waited for Zach and Eric to come back out. Chase seemed to be oblivious and had his head in his laptop over at the dining table, typing away at whatever work he mentioned he needed to finish.
I'm distracted by him long enough to ignore whatever is going on in the bedroom to ask Chase more about his work since I have the chance. He usually avoids really talking about it, or at least going into specifics, but he seems more willing now to answer questions I have. His official role is a department head for the security side of Dauntless but he often has to take up jobs of those in positions lower than him because they are short on qualified people.
He tells me, with Peter quietly listening as well, that because of the last two years not having any initiation there haven't been any new people to take many of the spots that need to be filled across the board in Dauntless, but it seems to mostly affect the specialized positions a lot more than jobs that are mostly just labor-intensive; like the ones for shopkeepers, janitorial, or food service.
"Can't people be trained for the high-level positions though?" Peter asks after Chase explains all this.
"They can and we have tried that approach, but they usually don't work out because they can't keep up with dealing with the technology required or the workloads. So they end up going back to whatever they were pulled from to begin with. You'll notice that when job selection comes up that the Dauntless-born gravitates towards the jobs that don't require them to have to deal with politics in any form or fashion, or even the small tech operations we have here. They would rather be put in the kitchen or go to the fence than have to deal with any of that." He grumbles before sighing tiredly.
Neither Peter nor I get a chance to respond because Eric and Zach exit the bedroom.
Zach casts a look over in my direction and then glances at Peter for a second before he heads to the kitchen and gets started on breakfast. Eric, however, came out and strode right over to stand in front of Peter. I couldn't tell what his expression was, since Peter had chosen to sit in one of the chairs and Eric's back was to me because of that, but I saw his arms were crossed over his chest and could just imagine there was a glare in his eyes.
I give Peter credit that he didn't cower away from the full force of Eric's ire. He just sat there quietly with an unreadable expression while we waited for Eric to say something.
"I think you know that any physical contact with her besides the occasional hug and…" here he stopped and gritted his teeth so hard as he spoke I'm surprised they weren't pulverized "...hand holding...is out of the question." He took a small calming breath and continued on in a flat tone. "You make a move for anything else besides that…"
"Yeah, yeah." Peter drawled out, interrupting Eric and rolling his eyes. "Not that it's ever going to happen, but noted and understood."
Eric accepted the answer, grudgingly, and even more grudgingly didn't make an issue of Peter's daring to interrupt him. But his comment to Eric just started to just highlight a suspicion I've started to develop. I know I'm probably going to ask him about it at some point, but at the breakfast table with the others is not the place to do it.
Especially when I'm not in the right frame of mind to deal with the answer or fall out from asking in the first place.
As we normally do when we have breakfast, we talk about our day and what's in store for us. Eric and Chase will be leaving right after breakfast for meetings that will most likely last all day, even taking up lunch. They will also be tackling the set up of equipment that will be used for the next stage of initiation but that will span over the next few days. There's a moment of tension when it's mentioned that Erudite will be delivering supplies and equipment. Eric looked over at Zach and they shared one of their silent communications before Zach says he has to do a few things for work but that will be keeping an eye on things with the initiates because the other's will be tied up.
Mention of the next stage inevitably led to talk about the first stage and the final rankings. Before any of the three older men could get into talking about who ranked what, I cut the conversation short on my end and requested not to be told anyone's ranking. When Chase and Eric started to protest, Zach glared at them, shutting them up enough for me to get out my reasoning on why I didn't want to hear it.
"Eric, you said that as long as I'm not shown favoritism then this is all fine, but finding out my ranking well before the others sure feels like favoritism to me. I know that just finding out earlier isn't really cheating but it isn't fair either." I reach for my glass of water and try not to notice how Peter is looking at me, with a hint of respect in his eyes and his mouth twitching at how effectively I've just cut the rug from under two of the formidable men at the table. When I've taken a big gulp of water, I lower the glass and speak again. "That isn't even really the most important reason for me though. The most important reason to me is that I would like to experience this with my sister. There have been too many things that I've had to keep from her or that have put a rift between us and I'm not going to add to them if I can help it. And she would know that I had found them out before because I'm a horrible liar and wouldn't be able to hide it well enough for her not to pick up on it."
Eric grumbles out an agreement and Chase nods looking sheepish for a second before he narrows his eyes while looking at Peter.
"I understand why she doesn't want to know them but I was surprised to see you nodding your head in agreement when she declined to find out."
I looked over at Peter, surprised that he did that and that I missed that part of it. He shrugs with one shoulder before answering.
"I would be lying if I said I don't want to be at least in the top five because I do want to be. But getting first place isn't as important to me anymore as it was when I first got here. I'm not exactly worried that I'm about to be cut either. I know I've done more than enough to take care of that but that's not what lets me know it's not even a possibility for me right now." It's here he stops, looks over at Eric, and I see a slight grin forming on his lips when he looks at him. "You wouldn't be giving me threats to keep me in line for the rest of initiation if I was being cut in this stage, now would you?"
It feels like all the air gets sucked out of the room as three out of the five of us wait for the inevitable explosion to happen.
****Worth Fighting For****
Eric is making a big show of kissing me before I have to leave. I know it's just one of the ways he's decided to drive home his point to Peter on who I belong to. I also know that he didn't like me informing him that I will probably be spending the entire day, including after dinner up to lights out, with my friends and sister.
When he pulls away from the kiss, looking as affected by it as I am, I can practically read the message 'remember who you belong to' in his eyes along with the hunger for me. He smiles when he looks over me with smug satisfaction, and it gets wider when I huff and straighten myself up, since I got rumpled up during the mini make-out session he initiated in his room that he then finished off in the living room with an audience.
"I'll try not to miss lunch since you're not going to be around for dinner or after it." He murmurs leaning close then helps me with getting myself together again.
I hear the pout in his tone of voice but I'm not going to let it make me feel guilty and change my mind. "Eric, my friends have been really understanding about me having to bail on them all the time before now, or those times when I've been hurt, but I can't keep doing that to them. I miss hanging out with them just as much as they do me. Not to mention that disappearing all the time isn't going to help me rebuild my relationship with my sister either. As much as I want to spend time with you, I need time with them too."
He surprises me by nodding with an understanding smile and leans in to kiss my forehead. "I'll be good and won't steal you away tonight but I make no promises about tomorrow."
I chuckle and lean up on my toes to smack my lips against his after he pulled back. "Thanks, I appreciate that, sir." Then I laugh as I quickly move away from him and follow the others out of the door.
Zach leaves with me and Peter but he breaks off from us before we make it to the Pit so he can go to his office. He informs us that he'll be in the dining hall shortly. That's where the two of us continue on to. I had considered going to the dorm and waking up my sister but it's actually still early enough that I would normally be serving my punishment with Eric, so I decided to just head to the dining hall and let her sleep in as much as possible. To keep up appearances Peter tagged along.
We don't talk at all once Zach isn't around.
I'm honestly not doing it purposely. It's not like I intended to give him the silent treatment at all, I'm just exhausted and in pain. It's worse than I've ever felt before and I would really hate to take that out on anyone right now. Even if that someone is Peter Hayes.
When we made it to the dining hall I went straight for the coffee. I hadn't drunk much of what was served at breakfast. I hadn't even really eaten breakfast but luckily no one had with how tense it was. So if anyone noticed it during breakfast they wouldn't have known that I don't have much of an appetite right now or at least the real reason for it if they did notice.
Peter sits beside me at the table. Not terribly close, but just close enough to avoid raising suspicion that we aren't what we are saying we are.
I don't know how long we are sitting there before he explodes in a hot whisper. "Are you seriously going to leave me wondering when you're going to lose your shit on me about what happened yesterday?"
His words seem to come out of nowhere, at least to me they do, and it startles me. I glared at him for making me jump in surprise and my heart to leap, pain shoots down my spine and down one side all the way into my fingertips. It takes everything in me to fight back a gasp of pain and I hope Peter doesn't recognize the small one that does manage to escape my lips.
"I hadn't planned on losing my shit on you at all. In fact, that's why I haven't been talking, because I don't want to lose my temper and say something in the heat of the moment. I actually hate it when I do that."
I work to sound casual about this, and even though the effort costs me, I raise the arm that hurts the most so I can lift my coffee cup up to take a drink.
He snorts while shaking his head and following my example to take a drink from his own cup. "You really could have fooled me. It seemed like you enjoyed it when you laid into me."
"Well, you were going after my sister verbally, not to mention your actual fight with her. It took a while for the anger to wear off but when it did…" I trail off and look away from him. "Some of the things I said were out of line, I admit, but you have to admit that you had something coming due to your constant attacks on Tris."
"Maybe, but I didn't appreciate you bringing her into it." He lowers his cup to the table and his face twists into an angry grimace. "And you were wrong by the way, about her at least. She always attempted to protect me as much as she could but the bastard knows just what to do to make her back down. It was the same with me, anything we tried to do to help the other out...it just made it worse. If I spoke up for her, he would turn all of his rage on her as punishment, and the same happened if she did anything to help me."
I thought I knew how bad Peter's dad was just from the things I had observed even before the man visited. After the visit, I felt it confirmed them for me but now...now I think that Peter and I have more in common than I'm comfortable with. Because from what I'm hearing his father is right up there with Marcus Eaton.
"If that's true, what made you do that then?" I ask him somberly.
"You mean because it most likely made him come down on her when they got home?" I nod at his question and he shrugs. "That was going to happen regardless, stiff. I left her alone with him and even though it's what she begged me to do, I probably would have done it regardless. I'm not there anymore to be used against her and I guess, I don't know...I just wanted her to see the only thing stopping her from defending herself now, is her. I also knew out of anyone, you would be the one to get it, and because of where you came from I guess I thought it would help make the point. Mostly, it was because I knew you would probably be the one person I could imagine wanting to help me and not just because that's what stiffs do." He concludes with a smirk.
I shake my head, smiling slightly but not feeling up to trying to fire anything back at him. I can see his eyebrow raised at this, and the first bit of worry about my lack of reaction starts to flare in his eyes so I decided to press on to something else to distract him from thinking about that too hard. I don't need him running to tell any of the guys.
"Your dad...some of the things he was implying…"
I didn't complete the inquiry, not when I noticed Peter's abrupt change in demeanor. He completely closed off and became, not exactly angry, but definitely standoff-ish. He shakes his head at me. "That's not something I'm willing to talk about, stiff. No offense or anything but it's not your business and despite your help back there, I don't know you well enough to talk about it if I even wanted to."
I nod in understanding, I already half expected not to get an answer from him as it was. "I get it. We all have things that we either can't or won't talk about with anyone else, much less admit to ourselves."
He grunts in agreement and though we don't talk about that...or really talk at all...for the next several minutes, I'm still thinking mulling things over in my mind. The main thought I have going on is wondering if there's anything I can do to take his dad down too when I get around to Marcus.
It isn't too long after my conversation with Peter that we're finally joined. First by Zach and then Tris. I saw my sister trying to hold back a grimace when she spied Peter with me but whatever she was feeling didn't stop her from sitting across from us after getting her coffee and breakfast.
"I was looking for you to ask if you wanted to get breakfast but when I went by the dorm you weren't there." Tris tiredly mumbles before taking another big sip of her coffee.
I can't help raising an eyebrow at her choice of wording since I'm pretty sure she hadn't meant to basically imply she was somewhere other than the dorm, to begin with. "Went by the dorm?" I decide to ask, hoping that she's awake enough to catch her mistake and correct it.
Her eyes widen and she almost chokes on the bite of toast she just took, which she hurriedly swallows and coughs a little to clear her throat. "Umm...yeah...I went back to the dorm to look for you there when I couldn't find you."
"Oh. Yeah, Eric canceled the morning training with him but he suggested reading the Dauntless manual. Which I've already read so I spent the morning mostly with Peter."
My sister's eyes flick over to Peter and I caught him smirking slightly then scooting just a bit closer to me. Not enough to actually make any contact with me but enough for Tris to see what he's doing and for it to appear possessive. I wanted to laugh at the entire situation but I know that my sister would misinterpret it and be upset. So I look into my cup and continue to drink.
"So what do you want to do for our days off?" Tris finally asks to try and relieve the awkward silence at the table.
"Hmmm...well...today we know the others have pretty much claimed it as theirs but I don't see them waking up this early when they can sleep in. Lynn might be only the only one to wake up early but she's said she wants to go see Hector first. In the meantime, I definitely wanted to get my clothes and other things cleaned, which means that we'll have to take it to the laundry facilities and drop it off. Other than that...I don't know what to do for the rest of the time we have off. Unless you have some ideas, I guess we can just decide each day as we go."
I'm frowning heavily by the time I get through rambling out my answer and I know my sister is as well without even having to look at her. When I do look over, she shakes her head, letting me know she has no clue either. I glance over at Zach and Peter and they have confused looks but only Peter seems to want to actually say anything about it.
"What's wrong with just winging it?" He asks, looking between the two of us.
Tris looks surprised that he didn't make some snarky comment and that he actually sounds confused. This prompts her to reply before I do.
"There isn't anything wrong with it. It's just not something we're used to. Abnegation in general have very strict guidelines for what needs to be done each day. With our family, it was slightly more than the others because of the positions our parents have. We were expected to help them with their tasks. That meant that almost every minute of our days for twenty years was planned out for us in advance."
I nod in agreement, still frowning. "Even before I added secret training, my day was pretty much planned out. But when I added that I developed a very strict and regimented schedule. Right down to how long I could allow for things like showering or eating. If I hadn't done that I would never have been able to prepare to come here as well as do what I needed to do for my family or faction."
Tris was nodding, with a small smile on her face and when I looked at her in question she just shrugged. "I got really good at improvising using chores as my exercising and things like that, as well as some other training. Even with that I most likely got nowhere near the amount you did, Kat. I was almost always able to work in some amount of training during the week thankfully. "
I smile genuinely at her and feel a bit more of the resentment I have towards Four starts to melt away. I've stubbornly held onto the reasoning that I felt this way solely because of him trying to talk her out of coming to Dauntless. Admittedly, that is a big part of it, but mostly it's because, in a way, I blamed him for stealing my sister from me.
Beside me Peter huffs and shakes his head, his forehead all scrunched up and his eyes have a slight glare in them. "Well, that certainly explains a lot about the faction. Did you honestly have no time to yourselves though?"
His tone is slightly angry but he's not looking at either one of us. It makes me wonder if he's imagining his mom there and what life might have been like for her before she transferred. I admit it paints a bleak picture for most, but we weren't really like most families. So I try to explain that to him.
"When we were younger we had more free time so it really only started for us when we started school. After that, we always made time to spend as a family and that was how we preferred to spend our limited downtime. There were very few dinners that we didn't have all together. Even those times we would end up together but it would be spent at the volunteer center helping them out. Otherwise, we would eat together and we talked about our days or whatever else. Then if we weren't all exhausted, we would gather in the living room to spend a little more time together." I paused and looked over at my sister with a smile, trying to bring a happier memory up for us as well as to put a more positive spin on how our old lives must look to others.
"Remember when mom thought we were old enough to start learning to knit scarves? You had no problems at all and your scarves looked like they were supposed to, but mine all came out looking horrible."
She laughs and smiles while nodding. "If mom hadn't stopped you from continuing to try you would have kept right on going. No matter how much yarn you went through."
My hope to lighten the mood and divert the conversation away from Abnegation works. Tris and I go back and forth trading remarks about my non-existent skills and she tries to describe some of my creations to Zach. Peter quietly listens but I can see him fighting a smile during this entire exchange. It ends when I demand Tris make me another scarf and knit hat as soon as possible, to which she agrees but comments that it will depend on getting the supplies. Zach tells her when she's ready he can put her in touch with the people who do orders for items that other factions produce.
Lynn and her brother Hector join us fairly shortly to have breakfast and after that, the two of them go with us to drop off our clothes to be cleaned. She takes the opportunity to get hers and our other two friends to drop off as well. That becomes a bit more involved and kind of a hassle because both dorms are full of people asleep and we try not to wake anyone up. At least, Tris and I do in our dorm. Peter. however. seems hell-bent on making noise just to make noise. He seems to even breathe heavier and noisily. Getting Uri and Mar's clothes goes a bit easier. They're still passed out but the dauntless-born dorm is outfitted with bins and mesh bags for each initiate to toss their dirty clothes in, making it easier to grab and go.
Once we get that done we are at a loss for what to do until the other's wake up. When Lynn mentions that she wants to do some things at her mom's apartment, like clean and make sure Hector has food to make for himself, we decide to help her, thankful to have something to do.
Peter dismisses himself for this part and sticks with Zach but says he'll keep an eye out for the others and tell them where we are. It really doesn't take us long, though, not when Tris and I dive in and tackle it.
By the time we're done helping Lynn out with her to-do list Uri and Mar are finally up and raring to go so we head back to the activity center. Some of the other initiates join up with us but it's mostly the Dauntless-born. The only transfer, besides us, is Will. He approached me and Tris to apologize (which we both appreciated more after he told us it was actually Cara who asked him to apologize for her) when we were in the Pit just after we got back from helping Lynn. Since he was the only other transfer that was up, Uri suggested he stick with us.
My pain from this morning never went away, it kind of just lingered at a few notches above dull with spikes of severe pain throughout the day. I managed as best as I could and tried not to show but with Lynn and Peter watching me like a hawk it was difficult at times.
The climbing walls, trampolines, and paintball battle had all been fun but I was exhausted. By the time lunch rolled around I was eager to get to the dining hall and sit my butt down to rest.
We all file in to get food and as we're in line the talk turns from what had been doing to what we will be doing after lunch. I immediately put out a request to watch a movie and it's approved by our friends when Lynn quickly seconds my request. Those Dauntless-born that were with us decides to do something else after lunch so it will leave the core group with the addition of Will and Peter.
When we go to take a seat I'm surprised to see that the normal table we are at has all of the people involved in running initiation as well as a few of the leaders. I guess enough of us looked unsure about sitting where we normally do because Zeke made it his business to get up and herds us all to our spots.
Deciding it's better to sit far away from Eric, I start to deviate from my usual spot but don't get far. I don't know how he wrangled it without ever speaking a word but I ended up directly opposite him, sandwiched between Chase and Lynn. It also couldn't be a coincidence that Peter is the one that ended up far away from me, sandwiched between Zach and Zeke. The only one that seemed to be genuinely relieved about where she ended up was Tris, who took the spot beside Lynn with Mar on her other side.
The table was absolutely packed and it is loud. The conversation up and down the table is obviously about training. I could tell all the instructors and leaders were listening to what was being said but didn't have much input. Uri was the loudest, of course, trying to wheedle the rankings out of anyone he thought might cave and give them out early. He was shut down pretty quickly with a look or two from Max and Eric.
Things got a bit tense from there. All the initiates at the table were thinking about their own rankings but didn't want to talk about them. Especially with the leaders and trainers around. As for me, I didn't want to even think about them, much less try and talk about them. I couldn't change them at this point and dwelling on it would just add stress that I don't need.
Lynn nudged me, lifted an eyebrow, and smirked at me pointedly. It took me a second, then I remembered her mentioning we should tell everyone about an idea we had drunkenly come up with but remembered enough to expand on once we sobered up. I nodded at her with my own smile.
"Hey guys, did Lynn and I ever tell you about the game we came up with?" I knew her nudge was to get me to start the conversation out.
"Oh! A game? Do tell." Uri asked excitedly. As expected, Uri looked interested immediately, but that's just our friend. He's easily amused. What I'm unsure of, but hope for is that it interests the others enough to at least distract them.
Lynn and I try not to laugh at his predictable reaction as we share a look. I notice that several others heard him and are looking our way now.
"Ugh!" Peter groans, sounding pained and even a little wary in that one sound. "Was this something the two of you cooked up while you were drunk, stiff? Cause if you did, I seriously have to question if I dare even listen to the shit you two came up with. Sober you is hard enough to handle...fuck if I wanna see what madness the drunk you produce."
Lynn choked on laughter, covering her mouth, when a few heads subtly...and not so subtly...nodded in agreement with Peter. I sent her and Peter a death glare for that which causes Lynn to laugh loudly. She also decides to take over since she knows I'm not likely to volunteer again after that.
"The idea did first come up while we were drunk but we only really remembered the general idea from that night. We had to make do with sober moments since then to fill in the blanks."
"Oh good lord, help us all," Tris mutters under her breath but not low enough for me not to hear.
I give her a hurt look and pout. "Hey! You guys don't have to play this totally awesome game. You can keep on playing that stupid Candor or Dauntless game for all I care. I however will be playing a game that is all Dauntless and much more fitting for our faction."
Zeke scoffs, now it's his turn to look hurt. Probably because Candor or Dauntless is the main attraction at his parties. "Obviously you have never had the pleasure of playing a properly run Candor or Dauntless game so I will forgive you for the insult. I will also allow you two to elaborate on your...oh so epic game...and we will be the judge of which one is better."
"Honestly, anything would be better than that fucking game," Eric mutters darkly, causing several others to snicker but I can't tell if it's in agreement or not. His meet mine across the table for a second and I can tell his worried about what we've come up with.
The dining hall around us is still fairly loud but it feels like the table I'm at is now under a bubble of silence and expectation and it makes me a little nervous now that it comes to it. I look over at Lynn, hoping my friend will help me out, but of course, I have no such luck. She raises an eyebrow and makes a motion with her hand that plainly says, 'after you'.
I grumble under my breath, low enough for her to hear the curses I launch at her, then sigh and take a fortifying breath. "Okay...I guess I should start with how and why we even decided to take the idea we had that night and keep going with it. It had started with us ranting about the game Candor or Dauntless. I guess the main complaint is that it's the only game that is really played here and it just didn't feel right for a bunch of Dauntless to always want to play a game that most of the time picked the Candor option."
"It also seemed boring that everyone just mainly sat around playing this game huddled in their apartments or whatever." Lynn threw out then cut eyes over at Zeke and smirked when she caught his scowl back at her.
"Right." I agree with a laugh. "Lynn suggested someone should come up with something like Candor or Dauntless, just on steroids. So we tried to come up with something that has more active participation in it. There are a few twists to the original game, in that it is a competition. The name for our game is, 'How Dauntless are you?". I got the idea for the name and some of the details of the game after I remembered hearing about the Pre-War game shows that were on TV. The idea for the competition is to have two teams go against each other, with one person for each team going head to head each round. Though now that I'm thinking about it, it is potentially possible for an individual to totally kick ass in the game but the team they are on still loses. So the game itself could actually be considered both a team effort and individual challenge."
"Huh," Lynn huffs, looking thoughtful for a second then nods at me in agreement. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway," She waves that tangent off for the moment, seeing the others are wanting more details now. "So the game goes like this. Say Kat and I are on opposite teams but we get matched to go against each other. The host of the game, who we were thinking would be like a judge as well as the person running the game, presents us with a sealed envelope with an unknown challenge written inside of it. These challenges could be anything and will vary in the degree of difficulty. And I do mean anything...it could be something as simple as either demonstrating or reciting the proper way to take apart, clean, and reassemble a firearm...to being dared to do something difficult like hanging from the chasm. It could also be something completely random and ridiculous, like being dared to go up to someone and fart in their face while pinning them to the ground and sitting on them. The players won't know which thing their bidding on, but the judges will."
I break out in a laugh while turning red at the same time, equally amused and embarrassed at the last example she used. I look to see how Uri's reacting to that. He had just been telling the story of Zeke doing that to him when they were younger and it became a challenge between the two brothers. Zeke is the reigning champion to this day apparently.
Uri smiles widely and shakes his head. "Not funny. No one wants Zeke farts, trust me. It tends to linger in the nose and mouth, ruining anything you eat afterward."
Loud laughter rumbles up and down the table when he outs himself that the example is about him.
"I wondered why the hell that even came up as an example." Chase laughs then reaches out and over to high five Zeke. "So, what do the players bid with?"
"We briefly considered using real currency as you do in poker but we thought it might be better not to bankrupt anyone in a game. In the end, we decided each person could wager their own personal markers or an IOU of sorts, again similar to poker, but instead of currency, they are wagering dares. The winner of a person's marker can be cashed in at any time. We were thinking that they could go on a scale of some sort, just like the challenges for the game itself. A possible example of what a marker could be is that they would have to streak through the Pit." Lynn lifts her fork and takes a bite of food while the others process her words.
I've already started on my lunch. As I chew I watch the others' expressions and reactions while she describes things. Eric has that calculating gleam in them and Four looks deep in thought, everyone else seems to be very interested as well.
"The team and individual competition angle is interesting. If we used something like that during training it would give us another aspect to evaluate the initiates." Chase is the first one to speak up.
"Yeah, it could definitely work," Eric mutters his agreement too. "There are a few details that need to be made clear or worked out, such as who approves and handles the markers for each player? If that's left up to the players that could become complete chaos. Also, who comes up with the challenges? If this is used during initiation as a training tool then there are definitely some that I can think of that even I wouldn't allow initiates to do."
In the last part, he glances at me meaningfully for a second, letting me know he had me in mind when he suggested the condition, before looking back to the other trainers and leaders.
"I agree with Eric." Four announces then pauses right after he notices the entire table went absolutely silent.
"Un-fucking-believable," Zeke breathes out in disbelief.
Eric and Four turn their heads to look at each other and the two of them seem to hold eyes for what feels like centuries to me. If I didn't know any better, I would think they were silently communicating with each other. I don't know if that's what they are really doing but they give each other a short nod before Eric looks away and Four continues his thought.
"If we are going to use the game we would need to come up with rules that are specific to it being run during training. The first change for the training version of the game should be that the people running the game should at the very least be the instructors and possibly include a leader for the first few times. Also, we should do a test run at some point before we work into the rotation though. We need to make sure it will work and get all the kinks out."
Chase smirks proudly when he looks at me then winks before he adds his own input. "I also agree that instructors run it and I would be happy to volunteer. If we do include this in training going forward it should be during the combined classes stage. It would most likely need to be combined anyway just to have enough people for the team."
Between Chase, Four, and Eric the discussion turned to grill me and Lynn more about the initial plan for the game, what the end goal or reward was for the team who won, and what the individual reward would be. As she and I went back and forth just telling them the ideas we had but hadn't worked out details, it seemed like the entire table got involved.
The others were excited about the possibilities and trying something new but Eric, Chase, and Four each had signs of things brewing in their minds. The kinds of things that sent shivers of foreboding down my spine.
Zeke also had his own gleam going on but his was more of anticipation for running an 'adult' version of the game. I missed how it came up but at some point when we started to hash out the rules Four had become visibly upset at Zeke and loudly proclaimed that no version of the game being played by initiates would allow alcohol. Not only that but there would be no sexual challenges or markers.
Of course, this drew the attention of all the instructors and leaders, who readily agreed. There were a few protests from members until Zeke clarified that he meant it would be only for games run outside of training, like during one of his parties.
This satisfied the people who wanted to be able to include those things in the game but I could tell Eric, Chase, Four didn't like the idea for more personal reasons and regarding certain people. I.E….me and my sister.
There were some awkward moments during planning but overall I was glad Lynn and I decided to put the idea out there right now. There had been some really good suggestions that hadn't occurred to either of us.
Will was the one to suggest that for the training version of How Dauntless Are You, the reward for the winning team could be some advantage for a later activity or stage in training, along with bragging rights of course. He also had an idea for the individual aspect of the game. When a worry about the markers was voiced he came up with a solution.
The worry was that the markers are to have personal IOU's that can be cashed in by the winner at any time or place. Since they were looking to possibly run the game during training, they felt that aspect needed to be changed, but couldn't come up with what else could be used to bid. Will suggested that the markers stick to bids of physical exercises or feats. Like bidding that they would do so many push-ups, run so many laps, suicides, or burpees.
Tris also added something to the mix, surprising a lot of people when she did because until then she had mostly remained silent and listened closely to everyone else. She added that there should also be a marker that could trump all the others when put in as a bid. One so big that each player only had one and once it was gone they wouldn't get it back no matter how many games were played after that. For the training version of the game, she suggested the marker could be for the player to clean the dorm or weapons locker. The idea would be the bid would keep with a training focused theme but make it something that would be a very big deal if they lost and it was cashed in. For the games that were outside of training, it could be a marker for a no holds bar IOU that also wouldn't have an expiration date. Several people remarked that would drive them crazy, not knowing when a person would call it in or what they would be asked to do, and Tris smirked and responded that was the whole point of it.
Max spoke up once during all that and suggested that the training version of the game be discussed further with only the leaders and instructors. Otherwise, the game lined up quickly after the sticking points were mostly ironed out.
During the discussion, I noticed that the tables directly around us had several people who seemed to be listening intently to what was going on at our table. I didn't really think about it at the time, it was just an idle observation that I had. I slowly became aware that more people had listened in and were now discussing things they heard with others at their table, which turned into others near them listening in to their conversations and carrying on their own excited talk.
"I see you're noticing the buzz of the hive," Max remarked with amusement, speaking up for only the second time since I got to the table and spotted him sitting beside Eric on the opposite side of me. So far he just seemed content to watch and observe closely and keenly. At first, I was unsettled with his presence but slowly got used to it, but now I'm back to being unsettled at his addressing me while looking at me so intently. "Sometimes I wonder if the real pastime Dauntless should be famous is its love of gossip." He says with a rumble of laughter and breaks out into a smile. Those around us that are listening laugh along with him but it's his smile and the fact that I can see his eyes soften along with it that has my uneasiness fading. "I've always said that not much goes on in Dauntless that doesn't get around eventually but any conversation that has the words dare or challenge will have them flocking to it like bees to honey."
"More like flies to shit," A gruff voice towards the end of the table supplies.
There is more laughter, louder this time, and Max nods his head once in agreement, still smiling. "Exactly. Word about a new game will be all over Dauntless and they'll be waiting and watching for someone to run the game for the first time. Then they'll start their own versions of it after." Then he looks over the instructors and raises an eyebrow at them while smirking. "I guess you know that will mean you should be prepared to run the first game for everyone to see."
"Right," Chase sighs and shakes his head but wears a grin. "No pressure there at all."
Max doesn't say anything in response to that, just shrugs casually before pushing back from the table. "This has all been interesting and I can't wait to hear what the instructors have come up with after working out the logistics and run the game, but it's time to get back to business."
There's immediate shuffling as everyone involved in training gets ready to leave, picking up their trays, if they still have them, grabbing their stuff and following Max out of the dining hall...all without him having to say another word. Eric glances at me before he walks away and Chase leans closer to me and whispers to have fun and that he'll try to keep Eric from interrupting my time with friends.
The dining hall feels surprisingly empty after the exit of several others that aren't involved with training but that heard Max's words and considered them an order to get back to work themselves. The atmosphere changes because of the mass of people suddenly leaving, and the initiates who had managed to forget before started to once again think about the finality of the last stage and impending cuts.
"So, about that movie...I was thinking we could watch 'The Notebook.'" Mar breaks happily announces, ending the downward spiral of spirits.
This suggestion gets a resounding and firm no from me, Lynn and Uri. Mar looks a little hurt until Lynn and I both rush on with our reasoning. Lynn points out to Mar that she's seen the movie a million times but that the ending is too damn depressing. From what I remember of the book the movie is based on, I agreed with Lynn.
We don't have to spell out for Mar that it's not the appropriate movie for the situation, one mention of the word depressing and I can practically see the lightbulb go on in her mind. I also see her taking stock of who will be watching the movie. So when Uri throws out a movie called 'The Hangover' she counters with something that she probably feels will be more appropriate for me and my sister.
"Uri, weren't you saying you wanted to start introducing Tris and Kat to those superhero movies? I was thinking Guardians of the Galaxy would be a good place to start. It even has a sequel, so we can make a night of it."
"That sounds good, babe." Uri grins and agrees then, eager to get to the theatre and start the second half of our off day, he starts gathering up both his and her stuff to put it away for them. "Here, let me get that for you."
"Nice one, Mar," Lynn laughs at our friend's smooth handling of her boyfriend. Mar responds by winking even while blushing at the same time.
The rest of us follow Uri's example and drop our trays off before heading out of the dining hall. The group is in good spirits, laughing and joking as we go. When the few Dauntless-born who sometimes join the group heard what movies we would be watching, they asked to tag along too. I think part of their reasoning was to see how me and my sister would react to being exposed to movies like the ones we're about to watch. I don't bother telling them that I've already had some exposure to the superhero phenomenon through sneaking into the computer lab at school and perusing the archive for the comic book versions of it.
Despite how tired and in pain I am, I get excited when we get to the theater and I have my first look at the setup. Much like the training rooms and several other areas of Dauntless we have to leave the Pit area altogether and go up a few flights of stairs until we reach one which is considered topside in Dauntless lingo. All this means is we have to climb out of our hole in the ground into civilization.
It looks like whoever decided where and how to set the theater up tried to get it as close to what a real movie theater must have looked like once upon a time. There is a 'lobby' area with a guy set up behind an old scarred up bar. He has several computers on the bar that he uses to monitor the individual rooms where the movies will play.
There we tell him what room we want as well as what movies we would like to rent. We stuck with the movie and sequel to it that Mar suggested. Before we went to the room, Lynn and the others advised me and Tris that we should probably get some of the snack items they keep for purchase. Neither of us was really sure what to get so the entire group decided to pitch in and load up with a variety to hold us all until dinner.
The seating in the room we are in is comfortable and I sink into my spot with a sigh and can't help but moan in pleasure when Lynn shows me that the armchair I'm in reclines back. I quickly popped the footrest up and settled in with Peter and Lynn taking a spot to either side. Tris had gone straight for a bean bag chair and laughed when it almost swallowed her up. Uri and Mar picked a smaller sofa with only room for two that allowed them to cuddle up together. The rest of the group picked one of the other random types of seating provided in the room.
Once we were all settled, the snacks were divided and drinks passed out, the light lowered and the first movie started.
I'm so relaxed and enjoy being able to sit comfortably in the dark that it's a toss-up if I will also be able to watch the movie or just pass out. Not that I'm going to allow myself to do that, not when I've made it this far already. I only have to hang on until they are supposed to announce the rankings sometime after dinner.
Just a few more hours...I've got this.
That's the pep talk I continue to give myself throughout the movie but by the start of the second I start to doubt if I really do 'have this' or if I'm going to be forced to do something I have been too stubborn to do before...and actually voluntarily visit the clinic.