Chapter 63 - Distance
Eric
I critically eye the crowd gathered on the ground waiting for the first of the initiates to come into view from their run on the zip-line so they can complete the tradition by catching them after they drop. There haven't been any issues before with someone being dropped or not caught. Even though that's not what I'm really worried about or even my purpose for being here, I still can't help looking them over while trying to spot any gaps or holes that would likely result in an injury.
The energy of the group this year is different and apparent in their overall demeanors and chatter. I wonder if that's just because of where this group of initiates are coming from or if it's because of some other reason.
It's frustrating as hell to admit, but I don't know. What I do know is that there has been some kind of shift among the Dauntless who live full time in the compound. Even Chase and Zach have picked up on it and made a few comments. Though, neither of them can determine what the shift is or what caused it any more than I can.
This unknown energy is only part of why I've stationed myself in a nearby building to the drop point and am watching things closely, both in person and on the vid feed coming through to me on my phone. The main reason is that Max ordered it. The three of us aren't the only ones to have picked up on the vibe going on in Dauntless, and after the recent attacks both inside and outside of the compound during this initiation, he's put us on a high alert.
On the other end of the feed in the Control room is Zach, among a few trusted others, who has eyes in the sky and a constant update with the others we have on the ground keeping watch along with me.
My communicator beeps with the indication of an incoming broadcast that everyone on duty today will hear as well.
"First bird in flight," Chase's voice comes through to let us know they've started.
I snort quietly at his choice of code phrase and roll my eyes. Of course, he would just have to use something Kat said about her own run as his code phrase. I glance at the phone but don't see the promised message from either Chase or Zach to give me a heads up for when it's Kat's turn.
The spotter stationed with me raises his binoculars and watches the horizon for the incoming initiate. I know I should reprimand him to keep an eye on the surrounding buildings but I don't.
Wes volunteered for this, just like most of the others, instead of taking a place down among the group so he could be there for his baby sister. In his eyes, it was more important to be able to protect her. After what happened during capture, no one wants to take a chance with their family members' lives.
So, I'll cut him a little slack this once just so he can watch her drop, knowing that shortly I'm going to be doing the same damn thing.
I put my eye to the scope of my rifle and do a scan of the buildings we have the clearest line of sight to and grunt out a clear over the communicator along with the others as they are doing the same thing as me.
Wes is grinning like a fool when he lowers his specs and uses his own eyes to glance down at the crowd. When his sister is swallowed up, my patience ends. All it takes is a taping against the side of my gun to have him scrambling back into place and fully focused.
It's quiet for a few seconds while we wait for the next check-in to be called for or for the heads up that another initiate is in route.
"Thanks," Wes says, out of nowhere, surprising and confusing me. I glance his way to see he's not looking at me, not at first, but when he sees I'm looking at him and frowning he kind of grins and shrugs. "For earlier," He gestures out to the group below us, cheering and yelling.
"Don't mention it," I grunt and turn away. I hear him sigh a little in relief that I didn't go off on him for that. A smirk tilts my lips as I let him think he's completely gotten away with it then…
"Don't mention it. Ever." My tone is soft with not a bit of warmth and I turn my head again to look at him with icy eyes and a raised eyebrow, daring him to think I'm joking.
He swallows, nods then turns and focuses back on what we're all here for. I do the same as well.
My anger and hurt over what occurred between me and Kat settled enough for me to see that most of those emotions were deflecting from where they truly belonged. That got me thinking long and hard about my purpose and intentions, what they were and what I want them to be going forward.
This was something my parents taught me from a young age, trying to help me be mindful of actions and their consequences. I have always been a bit of a hothead. As I got older it became a way of helping me to set and then achieve my goals. Things like that, as well as other things that helped me be a better person, fell by the wayside with their deaths.
Now it's time to bring those back even though it won't bring them back to me.
I came up with a few things during a long and restless night of thinking and planning both alone and then with Chase. Many of the things I came up with are what I want to see change within Dauntless. If we truly are our own worst enemies then change needs to start here before we can move on to the city.
Kat is top among my priorities, that hasn't and won't change. I've just come to realize it can't be my only priority.
I also had a few other revelations about what kind of relationship I want with her and how I would need to adjust my behavior going forward. That was harder and honestly, I'm still mulling over it. Mostly because she and I have yet to speak one word to each other since the morning she left the clinic.
That's why I volunteered to take point for this op. It combined two of my priorities nicely and gave me an excuse to be near enough to Kat while still allowing her the space I know she needs.
One by one, in a torturously slow but purposely timed procession, the initiates join the group below. I keep watch with the others to make sure those we are guarding are safe but at the same time, I keep an eye open for any opportunity to spot Kat.
When I do, my eyes eat her up greedily and I'm left still craving more when the crowd swallows her smiling self into their arms. Even when we end our watch and the all-clear sounds that they've made it to the train safely, with everyone accounted for, I keep watch through my phone.
As Kat runs around the compound with her friends I never lose sight of her. Not even as I sit in my office doggedly getting work done that's long past due, I do it all with my laptop broadcasting those same vid feeds.
**** Worth Fighting For ****
I guess I should have expected it at this point but I knew the rest of my night wasn't going to be smooth sailing. The first indication of this was when I noticed Kat and her group disappeared from the feed altogether.
I give myself credit...I didn't freak out right away.
I couldn't stop the worry I felt but I stayed put, continued to work, and kept watch. When an hour passed by and they were still MIA, I almost set out a search party. It was about that time Zach found out from Peter that all the girls decided it was time for a makeover and seemed set to spend all day in the salon.
Just like anything concerning Kat, my control was tested sorely with that development. It wasn't so much that I minded her spending all that time in the salon but what she could be doing to herself while in there.
One of the things I admire so much about my girl is the fact that everything she's done has been completely down to her wanting it done and not her giving in to the pressures of wanting to fit in better. I know all too well how that pressure feels and how tempting it can be to give in to it.
Although the pressure I felt mainly came from the orders I was given by Jeanine to do anything it took to fit in. The constant digs from my brother about how I was going to fail Jeanine just like I failed our parents hadn't helped either.
I probably would have caved if the suggested (ordered) look they thought I should adopt hadn't been a complete caricature and frankly an insult. Before I transferred, part of my preparation had been them advising me on the best ways to fit in and be more Dauntless. One of the things they did was show me a computerized mock-up of me transformed into what they thought a Dauntless should look like.
Even now, thinking about that 'look' brought a scoff to my lips.
Long hair black hair? With how my hair curls it would take a tub of grease to keep it in that stringy fashion Damon showed me a picture of. Then there was the number of piercings they said I should have prominently displayed (meaning on my face). I doubt I could have fit all of them and if I had tried, I would have looked more metal than flesh.
No matter how much I had been under their spell at the time, even I knew that wouldn't achieve their goal of making people forget I came from Erudite. It would just make me look like I was trying too fucking hard.
So, I was concerned about her until I remembered just who Kat is. And that she's not someone who will give in to that kind of pressure even if it comes to those she cares about, like her friends.
It was kind of a hard pill to swallow though, knowing I have no say in that area of her life but at the same time hoping she wouldn't feel the need to change something that is already perfect. Especially if it were for any reasons other than her own.
I struggled for a fair few minutes, my nature warring with what I knew was right...or at least what's right for Kat...before I finally gave in to the logic of my new resolve when it comes to her and us.
First, I asked myself what my dad would have done. The answer came surprisingly easy considering how long I made myself not think of them.
My dad was a bear of a man in stature and could be intimidating when he chose to be. When it came to my mom though, he was more the cuddly toy version of the animal. Mom was assertive and headstrong, at least if I believed even half the stories my dad would tell me about her when she wasn't around. Their dynamic was an interesting one for Erudite though, they were equal partners in every aspect that I was able to see.
So, in that spirit...I knew my dad would tell me it's her body, her choice...and that I would need to trust that she wouldn't do something to harm herself. Then I knew that my mom would probably say something along the lines of that it would still be the same person regardless of what dressing up they did to themselves. This would be followed by my dad giving me a stern warning that if I was easily swayed away by not liking how the person I was with chose to look, then maybe I needed to let them go so they could be with a person that would love them no matter what.
Second, I thought about my brothers...but I pretty much knew without even having to ask them what they thought before I came up with their likely responses. The fact that the four people who I care about most and whose guidance I always trusted above all others were all on the same page let me know the direction I needed to take with this.
That was the only thing that made it easier to swallow my need for control.
**** Worth Fighting For ****
"I hope you weren't planning anything for dinner," Max says, standing in the open doorway of my office. The door I had just opened to leave from but quickly turned back to grab something I forgot.
I sigh in defeat before I even know what his next words are going to be because what I do know is that they are going to fuck up those plans he referred to.
I planned on grabbing dinner in the dining hall like I've started to do since Kat came along. It didn't matter that we didn't know for sure if she or the other girls would be done with their makeovers yet, there was the chance she could be there and that was good enough for me.
Zach is already there saving a place for me and Chase but it looks like I'll be texting him a message to not bother counting on me.
"What's happened now?" Luckily my tone is more resigned than snappish so Max doesn't make a big deal of it.
"Apparently, Jeanine forgot to inform us about the fact that they delivered a completely new serum for the fear sims."
My mouth drops open in disbelief. "Are you shitting me?" I exclaim as my feelings shift from disbelief to outright being pissed off. "She expects us to believe she actually forgot something as important as that when she's the queen of micro-managing?"
All disappointment fades that I won't even have that off chance of seeing Kat tonight, this takes priority.
"Of course I don't believe she forgot for one second about that. Which makes me very worried about what she's up to."
I nod in reply as we quickly make tracks to his office where we remain sequestered far past dinner time.
**** Worth Fighting For ****
"Alright, since we're all here I just wanted to give you a heads up that the plans have changed a little. I want all of you in the rooms when the sims are being run."
Max pauses and takes a sip of his coffee and sighs while looking over me, Chase, Four, and Lauren. I already know what he's planning but he hadn't decided who he was going to put everyone with when we came up with the plan earlier this morning.
What I do know is that it isn't going to be Chase so either other option is going to be hell for me.
Instead, I start to look over the lower level. My eyes move slowly although my need to see her is riding me so bad I wish I could look right to where my instincts tell me she is.
I didn't need the alert of the nearby buzz from the gossiping busybodies as some of them chatted about Kat and her sister and their performances so far and just their presence here in general.
I felt her come into the dining hall and I was anxious to get my first look at her in what felt like forever.
In reality, I've seen her several times since yesterday but only one of those was in person. That happened to be an all too brief glimpse of her just after she finished her zip-line run before she dropped into the crowd and was lost to me, but I savored even that small bit of time.
All the rest had been via an app on my phone and laptop that linked me straight into Dauntless's camera feed. While Kat ran around with her friends I had work to do. I just did it while keeping an eye on her and kept having to tell myself not to go after, no matter what I saw.
Zach, Chase, and I all had things that prevented us from being with her physically and my brothers felt it was better off this way so as to give her room to breathe. I knew most of their concern was that we (and by 'we' they mostly meant me) were smothering her and this might cause her to pull back.
They pointed out there was already tension between the two of us, so if I showed up being overbearing and controlling it wouldn't be well received in her state of mind.
Mentally, I agreed.
I knew my life couldn't revolve solely around her and that I couldn't expect to keep her from everyone else but myself and my brothers. Hell, if anyone tried to do that to me I would make my displeasure very well known.
That wasn't the only reason for my shift to allowing my focus to encompass more than just her.
I found I had a new sense of purpose to my work that's pushing me forward with new goals that are vital I make sure are accomplished now or to set in motion at the very least. Not counting the slight wrench in the plans Jeanine threw at us, I do feel good about what else resulted from that meeting with Max.
I left feeling that we just might have a chance to turn shit around here.
Watching for glimpses of her on my computer while I worked with Max and by myself quieted the beast inside of me just enough that I wasn't completely useless, though, there was still this sense that I couldn't breathe properly the entire time.
Deciding I've delayed long enough I allow my gaze to slide right to where I knew she was all along. Instantly, it's like I can breathe again and I do it so deeply, my nostrils flaring as if I can inhale enough to catch her scent from my place up here.
Sadly, I can't, but seeing her with my own eyes, live and in-person is enough for now.
My lips tilt up when her eyes widen a little, locked with mine for the few scant seconds I can allow us to be like this. I look away and back to Max as he continues on giving out his instructions and hearing his decision was to put me and Four together in the sim room.
"Chase will be with Lauren and Eric will be with Four in the sim rooms. There needs to be two of you in the room with every dependent. Erudite informed us they have made some adjustments to the serum and made them even more intense than they've been in the past. While they've assured me they haven't had any bad reactions to them in testing, I don't want to take any chances. So, besides observing the sim, we've equipped the stations to monitor the basics, like their heart rate and other such things."
"Eric and Lauren, since it was suggested it's important to monitor their oxygen levels in addition to their brain waves, and you two had at least that level of training in Erudite, I need one of you in each room. After the sim, every initiate will be seen in the clinic. They won't be given the choice like in years past."
"Do you expect anything to go wrong?" Lauren asks with a frown and Max instantly shrugs.
"It's better to be prepared if something does. This new serum hadn't been planned for or mentioned before they delivered it. There wasn't much data regarding it which hints that it might have been rushed. I'm not taking chances that I'm right." He sighs and gulps his coffee then looks out at the lower level before continuing.
"Regardless, I still expect the normal observations to be made and then reported directly to me. Dismissed." He grunts then turns and goes back to his table and breakfast.
**** Worth Fighting For ****
"Four, you can handle gathering our flock. We'll go do a last-minute check on the rooms." Chase orders and I follow him as we leave by another exit on this level and head to the fear sim area. Lauren hangs back for some reason that I can't be bothered to ask about but which has Chase sighing in frustration. "You owe me." He grumbles angrily.
"No way." I huff out in a laugh. "That was Max's call. Besides you heard the man, we need to watch their vitals."
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "You know damn good and well that I know how to read that equipment just as well as you do. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure Four knows how too now. Almost as soon as it arrived the manual went missing and I had a feeling he squirreled away with it like he does everything else he can get his hands on. I swear that man is either a magpie or just has bouts of temporary and selective kleptomania."
"Magpies only take the shiny shit. What he is classified as is just being way too nosey for his own good." I growl out.
"Whatever, back to the matter at hand. You both owe me for having to put up with her. Hopefully, she'll just be in one of her moods where she decides to let me do all the work and do jack shit herself."
He shoves a hand through his hair in agitation and casts a look behind us to see how far away she is. I glance back and don't even see her. I figure she'll get here just about the time Four and the initiates do.
"Did Max approve her transfer to another position?" I ask as we get to the rooms and go into the first one to check over together.
"Yeah, but it can't come soon enough. Zeke can stand in for the serious shit during this initiation if needed but with me and Four out of Control so often he's really needed there to keep the others in line. But...she's getting even worse and I don't know how long we can keep things as quiet as we have been so far. You know, she showed up drunk to the zip-line outing and passed out in a car towards the back of the train. It wasn't until later that evening one of her friends realized she hadn't shown up to an after-party that they even thought to check on her. She's lucky that no factionless found her and that if they did see her they just left her alone."
I grunt in disgust and shrug. "She already had a problem with drinking well before Terrance broke things off with her so she can't use that as an excuse. Actually, that's why he broke things off with her because he couldn't deal with trying to clean her up or clean up after her all the time anymore. Either way, we can't keep making allowances for her as we have."
"I know." He sighs out as we finish up and go to the next room. "It just fucking sucks. I keep remembering her from our initiation and before that shit happened to her with those guys. Yeah, she could be really annoying at times and reminded me more of a transfer from Candor rather than Erudite. She was also smart, funny...and she was so excited to be here. Remember how sour you would get when she couldn't stop being all bubbly and giggling? So you would say she was acting like an Amity on peace serum and that maybe she let her blood drop into the wrong bowl. It only made her laugh even harder about it and try to mess with you more."
I manage to nod while guilt churns in my stomach.
Of course, I remember her from initiation all too well. Especially after a few regrettable choices that led to us hooking up more than once. It established a sort of sense of intimacy between us (at least on her part) that I had been trying to avoid.
What makes things worse is that I don't just remember her from then, I also remember her from our years in Erudite. Granted, I don't have very many memories of her from back then. Most of them are vague recollections of sharing a class together here and there or some other activity.
It was almost like I watched her growing up when I played those memories in my mind back then shortly after that shit went down.
Both of those things combined made me feel a sense of personal responsibility for what happened to her. Even if by that time it had been over a year since our initiation and even longer since any sexual encounters we shared.
As if sensing my thoughts Chase sighs beside me. "It wasn't your fault back then and still isn't. The only ones responsible were the guys who did it and you made sure they paid, brother."
He has to whisper this last part as Lauren finally strolls into the hallway. We know the others aren't far behind so we exit the room and make sure both doors are closed then take our positions to greet the initiates.
As we wait for the initiates to shuffle their way in I can't help thinking about what happened with Lauren and what just recently happened to Kat. True, the situations are completely different. I just question if either of them could have been prevented if someone, anyone, had let it be known that kind of shit isn't acceptable here?
I think back to that first rough morning training session with Kat just after her drunken night. Without knowing more than what could possibly have happened to her, and others like her, she gave me a way for an unspoken example to be made. I took her up on it, even while hating doing what I had to do, so that part of what caused Lauren's situation might be prevented.
Looking at it logically I know that alone isn't going to cut it. It won't have one damn bit of lasting effect because it wasn't the fact that Lauren got drunk at a party with people she didn't know that caused what happened to her.
No, that was because of the fuckers that did what they did, and then thought they could get away with it. They had to...officially speaking.
By the time I've finished with my congratulations speech I've made up my mind and know that someone has to be the first to take a stand and let their position be known. What better person than me and what better time than now?
"Before we get into what you will be facing in the coming weeks it's time to address events that have taken place recently." I keep my tone soft and even, knowing that this icy calm has more of an effect than a raised voice ever could and that by now this group is aware of what it means for them. "I'm sure the fact that one of your peers is no longer here is fresh in your minds. I know it's fresh in mine, as well as that of all of leadership, and it will continue to be so. I have not forgotten, nor will I forget, the fact that this person is gone because of an attack to purposely remove him. An attack that was a blatant act of cowardice. For anyone who doesn't know or who has forgotten how Dauntless feels about cowardice, by all means...let me know and I will give you a personal reminder. I can promise it will be just as eye-opening for those who were responsible for the attack or anyone who had knowledge of it before or after when we've found them. Let this serve as a warning for anyone here that might be taking it in their minds that doing something like that could secure you a spot in the future, think again. You will be punished fully and under Dauntless justice...not the cities. If you don't know what that means...ask. I'm always willing to educate the ignorant."
A real smile of twisted pleasure breaks out on my lips. Both at the group's reaction and me imagining someone being stupid enough to test my resolve on this matter. The majority of the reactions don't surprise me.
Four looked surprised and then instantly suspicious. Pretty standard operating procedure for him where I'm concerned.
Lauren looks apathetic and honestly kind of drunk. This makes me think that she used that gap in time to drink something out of Chase's hawk-like attention.
The initiates' reactions range from the standard queasiness they have if they know even a little bit about this stage, outright fear, and bewilderment. The only ones that stand out to me are coming from Kat's circle of friends.
Peter is mostly guarded but for a second, one that has me doubting my sanity a bit, I swear he looked at me with a little bit of respect.
Uri and Mar both glanced at Tris and Kat with worry in their eyes that overwhelmed anything else.
Lynn was and is smirking at me. She tried to hide it at first but it just gets wider when I step aside to let Chase continue with the instructions and look away from her so I can see how her best friend is reacting.
Kat is completely confused and frowning.
I guess it shouldn't be surprised she's reacting that way. In her eyes, I've completely changed my stance on the attack. She can't know that it isn't so much that I changed my stance, (her sister and everyone else does truly need to watch their backs until we can catch the bastards who attacked her) as I've decided there needs to be more said about what's going on behind the scenes.
Kat won't know this until we can have the privacy needed for us to really talk about things. I do admit, though, I'm still a little hurt that she could think I really meant her or her sister harm.
I mean I know how it sounded...it was how I meant it to sound after all...but after I calmed down it isn't how I truly feel about it.
Chase steps back and subtly bumps me with his elbow when he does then nods to Four to continue. I take that as my cue and step into the room I'll be working in, shoring up my mask as I go.
I'm going to need that mask in place for the next hour or so...more than I ever have before. Not only because I'm working Four. All. Day. Long.
I'm going to need it because of who is the very first two on the list I was instructed to handle personally, the Prior Sisters, with Kat being number one.
**** Worth Fighting For ****
Four has been oddly silent since we entered the room. The only time he's spoken at all was to call Kat in and then to give her instructions. It's not a comfortable silence by any means and though he doesn't seem to be bothered by being in here with me there is a decidedly odd tension in his shoulders.
That only increases any time I get near Kat. When I go to give her an injection of the serum, I can feel his eyes glaring holes in my back. It might cause him to break the silence later but I don't really give a fuck.
I'm not letting him share this moment with her.
She's nervous as hell and was from the moment she came in the door. Her nervousness unsettles me, but I try not to show it as I have to make her turn her head and look at me. A pit forms in my stomach when I see the edges of panic in her eyes.
I don't give either of us time to think and inject her quickly. I allow my thumb to brush over the tiny dual pinpricks left behind in her neck as I warn her what will happen.
"It takes sixty seconds before it takes effect," I mumble softly and watch her nod.
I frown as I watch her eyes start to take on that glazed look that's normal for the serum. It's taking effect much faster than it should, I note. I hope that will be the only difference I have to make note of.
"Be brave," I say more firmly, trying to push as much assurance and confidence into her as I can with my words but I know she probably didn't even hear them.
I hurry back to the station where I can tell Four is seeing the changes as well, judging by his frown. He's furiously working to bring up the fear so one of us can observe.
"Put it on the monitor," I order him gruffly while I work to establish Kat's vitals.
For once he doesn't question me or object, he just does what I say and moves on. He's still wearing the frown but I don't blame him for that.
The worry is enough to make both of us drop any animosity and work together.
"She went under faster than anything we've ever seen before." He murmurs while we watch the monitor start to reflect visually for us on the screen what would be in her mind. "She's only been in it for a few seconds but I can already tell she's not responding like someone would with the old serum."
I nod and look over what I'm seeing in her brain patterns, heart rate, and breathing. She went in with the last two off the charts and there has been only a slight decrease in those. Otherwise the patterns I'm seeing almost look as if she's drunk or her equilibrium is off.
Before I can say anything to Four about that we hear her speaking and her slurred speech confirms it for me. I continue watching the monitor and her stats carefully and breathe a slight breath of relief when all seem to go to normal levels. It just took longer than it should have.
It also takes longer for the world or setting of her fear to materialize which is worrying for me. It makes me wonder if this is due to her divergence or the serum...or could it even be both combined. Since Kat is the first person I'm observing under the influence, I don't have enough information to go on. I'll just have to see what happens with the others.
It takes time for a person's fear simulation to present itself once they are inside the program. That only makes sense because the system needs the time to integrate itself into the psyche and pull from it whatever it's been tasked to find. What a person fears could be buried deep in their subconscious or it could be at the forefront of their mind in their memories.
Because of this, I know that Kat wasn't likely to be plunged straight into whatever fear the program found and that it would take time for that to emerge. It does place her fairly quickly into a setting.
One that has me confused, especially when I feel Four go rigid beside me. I glance away from the monitor to look at him and see worry and fear etched across his face until he catches me looking at him.
"I don't remember the fear sims having ever concentrated so hard on that section of the brain before." He tries to make up for the lapse by pointing something out on the screen where her vitals are being monitored but I don't fall completely for the ploy.
It is a valid observation, though, so I can't completely dismiss it and pull up the information to look over it in more detail. While I am, I keep half my attention on him and his reaction as we watch Kat move around her environment now that she's gotten over the initial disorientation.
While I want to demand why Four went from observing her worriedly to smiling at Kat with such affection it made me want to throat punch him, I can't. Instead, I have to focus more and more on her vitals that are becoming alarmingly erratic.
It looks like one of the differences with the new serum is that it seems to be stimulating in more of the areas that are related to memory than they normally have in the past.
Most of the fear sims take bits and pieces from a person's memory to make it seem more real to the person in the sim. Judging from how much activity is going on in Kat's regions of the brain that short-term and long-term memory are, it's highly likely this serum has been designed to use actual memories themselves.
Other changes I think they've made to the serum include basically upping the amount of adrenaline as well as a few of the other stimulants that will heighten a person's anxiety levels. I can't prove this is what they did, not until I see more data from the other initiates but Kat's levels in those areas are off the charts even before the fear actually starts.
Everything I'm seeing increases my worry about how Kat is going to handle the actual fear whenever it decides to present itself. I don't have time to contemplate the sappy expression of Four's face whenever Kat's holding two throwing knives etched with letters on them. I can't truly think about the significance of those items that seem to mean so much to both of them judging by their smiles.
All I can really focus on are the screens in front of me and what I'm seeing currently happening in Kat's brain activity as the inevitable finally happens.
Alarms start going off when her vitals skyrocket to dangerous levels. Four and I share a look and I know what he's wanting to do without even having to say anything.
"The program will eject her if her vitals get much higher if she can't get them under control on her own." I try to keep my tone neutral but I already know the twitching of my eye has to be giving me away.
I want nothing more than to yank her out of the damn sim as much as I know Four is itching to do himself. I just also know that doing so will be giving Jeanine more ammo to use against Kat in convincing others she's divergent.
It's fucking torture to watch as Kat battles her fear for ten straight minutes...and I do mean literally fighting the thing her fear threw at her.
Any worry we had going in about her divergence being revealed during this is thrown out the window for the moment. I find myself almost wishing she would do something that could end the torture that watching her struggle is for me right now.
Four and I watch the monitor closely as Kat seems to be regrouping. The monster her mind created has a hydra quality. Every time she takes one out with one of those knives, two more identical ones appear. She's almost been swarmed by them a few times. Now there's a lull and I see her leaning against a wall, gasping for breath.
She closes her eyes tightly and not for the first time I wished I knew what the hell she was thinking. Whatever it is, it starts to have the effect I was hoping for. Her heart rate and breathing start to rapidly normalize. Her eyes open just as more of those damn clowns shuffle towards her. Her body tenses as she readies herself to launch another attack.
This was the time the program finally decided to get its shit together and eject her, only Kat doesn't know and comes out fighting.
"Ah fuck," I hear Four mutters just before Kat comes off the table and launched her little body right at him with every intent to do to him what she had been doing to the virtual enemy.
**** Worth Fighting For ****
I'm not surprised when I find Zach in the clinic as I carry Kat in, slung over my shoulder and unconscious. When I found out about the new serum, Zach automatically volunteered to be one of the people helping to check over the initiates after they came out of their sims.
Because of his medic training, he was qualified enough that Max readily agreed, something I'm extremely grateful for. The fact that my brother was already going to be here was one of the main reasons I brought Kat here instead of straight to my apartment like my instinct is driving me to do. I ignore all the other staff and head right for him then redirect to the bed he motions for me to put her.
"What happened?" He demands as he starts to evaluate her.
"Her vitals were right at the edge of where the program would eject her and stayed that way for a good ten minutes before she happened to get her breathing and heart rate somewhat under control. She came out of the sim still fighting her fear and had to be subdued. We didn't have anything to do it with on hand, which is something I have a feeling we're going to need to reevaluate, by the way. I had to resort to putting her in a sleeper hold."
He nods without replying at first, busying himself with checking her over and administering a few meds by injection and I busy myself with observing the people around us. The clinic is still using the old surgery center as the place where the initiates are being seen, so there aren't as many people here.
However, I feel like the few nurses and staff that are around are all watching us. It puts me on edge enough that I stick around instead of heading back to the sims like I know I should.
"Well, she seems to be okay but she'll probably feel it in her neck when she wakes back up. I gave her a small sedative, as well as her nerve blocker, and that should help some with the pain. Other than that she just needs rest." Zach finishes taking care of Kat and sighs then looks at me with a knowing look in his eyes. "Max has ordered that unless they need to be kept overnight, then all initiates are to be taken to their dorms after their seen here. Peter's there right now and I'll take Kat there myself to join him."
I swallow and look at Kat as a brief internal struggle takes place. Finally, I tersely nod my agreement, my jaw clenching as I address the things I know need to be addressed.
"We need a couple of the staff to station themselves outside of the sim rooms so they can bring the initiates here to be seen too. That way it won't require one of us to have to leave the room and slow down the process. Also, since we don't know if Kat will be the only one to come out of the sim like she did, they should have some supplies on hand to quickly handle if another situation like that comes up. I'll message Max and let him know about this and see if he wants to add anything to the new orders."
"Got it. I already expected something like that so a few of the other guards who have medic training were put on standby in case we needed them." Zach confirmed, looking at his phone and already getting my orders put into place. I notice all this while I'm still looking over Kat. Knowing I have to leave her but hating it.
"You should head back, Eric." My friend has to use his elbow to get my full attention. When he sees he has it he nods at me reassuringly. "I'll make sure Peter keeps watch over her, at least until her sister gets done with hers."
"Fine," I grunt and start to turn then stop and face my friend again. "Oh, you might want to tell whoever you send over to take some supplies to help patch Four up. Kat got a hold of one of my knives and was able to get a few good swipes at him with it."
Zach arches an eyebrow up and narrows his eyes at me. "So she just happened to get one of them without you realizing what happened?'
I grimace and nod. "Honestly, it all happened pretty fast. I was trying to grab her to pull her off him and before I knew it she had the knife in her hand. Hopefully, Four won't realize she knew the exact spot to find one on me."
I'm replaying the incident in my mind and it's only that I realize something that has me scowling. "You know, he didn't try to defend himself at all. Not even when she had the knife."
Zach sighs heavily and shakes his head and replies flatly. "They have history, Eric."
That comment doesn't help my turmoil one bit. I know they have a history together. I'm very freaking aware of those facts and that he obviously still feels the same, enough that he wasn't even trying to hide his feelings for her in that damn sim room. Kat also still feels deeply enough that she's willing to forgive whatever hurt he's caused her in the past.
That damn smile he had when she was smiling and looking at that one knife that obviously had her initials on it is burned into my brain.
So yeah, I'm all too aware of their history together. Looking at Zach and thinking about the tone he had when he pointed that out to me has me thinking there's something more to his words, some kind of knowledge that maybe I don't have.
"Is there something you need to talk about, Zach? Something I need to know?"
He stays quiet for a few seconds while he looks over the still unconscious Kat before he shakes his head in the negative. "No, not yet. I can't until she's ready."
I want to demand answers from him but I see the resolve in his eyes and how he shifts his body so that he's shielding Kat.
"Fine," I grind out stiffly. "I need to get back."
"I'll take care of her," My friend nods and sighs in relief.
I turn away without another word. I have to before I lash out at my friend for just doing what I know is probably the right thing to do. Regardless, it doesn't make me feel any better about the fact that part of what he feels he needs to do is to protect her from me.
As I head back to the sim room I remember how I was just thinking of getting Kat alone at some point today so that we could talk about things. Now I'm thinking I need to wait and keep my distance.
No matter how much it might kill me to do it, I have to wait until she lets me know one way or another that she doesn't want this thing between us to be over. I just hope that between now and then I don't do something to fuck things up again.