Opening the door of her refurbished house, Mrs. Mayberry ushered Lincoln and Loona inside first. It had the standard set-up of a typical two-story home back in the living world, except the new furniture and accessories gave off the impression that they were stolen already. Complimenting the hickory-wood floor kitchen and the cali-bamboo floor living room were a built-in microwave and oven, a silver toaster oven, a coffee machine, a flat-screen TV, a brown leather couch, a solid wood coffee table, a living fireplace with chimney, and a gun rack atop the mantel. The guns in question were a Remington 870 Police Magnum Riot model; a M4A1 Carbine with an Aimpoint CompM2 red dot optic, Knight's Armament RAS railed handguard, and RIS vertical forward grip; and a BCM Recce-14 KMR-A13 with a Trijicon Accupoint scope and a LMT M203 2003 L2B grenade launcher.
Aside from the gun rack, Lincoln elicited an unintentional and uncomfortable but otherwise nostalgic memory of back home.
"I'm sorry if it's not much," Mrs. Mayberry apologized as she headed to the kitchen, "but it's home for me."
"It's okay, Miss Mayberry," Lincoln smiled as he glanced around, "It...actually reminds of my own back in the living world."
Exchanging worried looks with Mrs. Mayberry, Loona smiled more nervously, "Umm...is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"I...don't know," Lincoln admitted, "To be honest, I still have mixed feelings about living my family behind. I'm mad at them, but I can't help but feel sorry for them too. This is complicated."
"How do you think we feel?" Loona chuckled, "Kid, I was born and raised in Hell for a long time, and I managed to make a living for myself. But I didn't do it alone. I had help from...Blitz and the others. On the surface, I may be apathetic and ungrateful for what they did, but the truth is...if it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here today, helping you with your own situation."
With Loona's statement, Lincoln felt a little better, "Thanks, Loona."
"Anytime, kiddo," Loona gently pulled him in a hug, returning his smile. Melting into the unconventionally warm and comforting embrace, Lincoln opened his eyes and beckoned Mrs. Mayberry over to join the hug. At first, not wanting to break up the sweet and tender moment, she hesitated but relented after he shot him surprisingly effective puppy-dog eyes. With a smile as well, she made her way over and hugged the both of them, amplifying the heartwarming but saccharine nature of it all.
After a moment of silence, Loona's facial expression morphed between amusement and awkwardness.
"Umm...okay, kiddo. You can let go now; I have a reputation to keep."
"Oh, right. Sorry, Loona."
"It's alright, kiddo," Loona ruffled his hair before turning to Mrs. Mayberry, "So, Mayberry... What did you say was for dinner again?"
Mrs. Mayberry frowned, "I...didn't. I thought about ordering pizza if that's okay with you because it's been a rough couple of days...unless one of you want to cook something."
Lincoln nodded and glanced around, "Pizza's fine, but..."
He then headed over to the pantry and fridge before rummaging through it, Loona and Mrs. Mayberry exchanging looks of intrigue. Eventually pulling out two boxes of macaroni and cheese, a bag of flour, a canister of bread crumbs, a gallon of milk, onion powder, shredded cheese, and a package of bacon, Lincoln placed everything on the counter and turned to the latter (Mrs. Mayberry), serviced with a smile.
"Is it okay if I cook something?"
In the world of the living, the Teriffically Terrible Trio of Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie arrived in South Africa, where their target was residing.
Douglas Scott was an international criminal and mercenary leader who, along with fellow international criminal and mercenary Zanda, was hired by a mysterious employer to kidnap several citizens of the Kingdom of Wakanda in exchange for gold. Unfortunately, a little run-in with a muscular man in a black cat suit left their little plan in shambles. While Scott lost usage of both his hands, he at the very least made it out with his life. Zanda, on the other hand, was not as fortunate. In fact, she was the one who arrived in Hell in the form of an anthropomorphic hyena, offering I.M.P. money in exchange for the head of her betraying, backstabbing buccaneer...buddy. As to be expected, Blitzo accepted the deal in the hopes of securing money for not the fucked-up beyond absolute repair headquarters, but for another valuable porcelain pony figure...as to be expected from the head honcho.
Arriving at the exact location of Mr. Scott, which was a shipwreck graveyard, the trio hopped and hopped from ship to ship until they pinpointed the one with the most amount of commotion from within. Eventually, they reached a ship less rusty than its contemporaries, which Moxxie saw as incredibly inappropriate and completely conspicuous. Blitzo demeaned him as he loaded his flintlock pistol...which was also incredibly inappropriate for the mission and completely conspicuous for someone to use as evidence.
Slipping inside and covertly killing a few henchmen at first, Blitzo hijacked the radio, connected his phone to it, and pressed play.
("Killdozer" by Kim Dracula)
While many of the arms dealers raised their eyebrows and glanced around in confusion, Douglas Scott was, surprisingly enough, not fooled. Someone had broken in and found out about their shady dealing. He grabbed the nearest weapon, a Mossberg 500 Cruiser and urged his men to do the same. Many of them eventually took up their Vektor R5s and AK Variants, searching for the intruders.
Unfortunately for them, one step closer...was one step too much.
They really f*cked me over
Like they really f*cked me over
So now I've got the other people telling me that they wanna repossess my car
And, you know- I just had to say to them
Look I'm sorry but I don't drive a car
Unfortunately for them, one step closer...was one step too much.
"Watch out!"
One of the men was too late to turn around and face his enemy...and instead faced a 3rd Generation Glock 17.
I drive a mother (BANG!) f*ckin' (BANG!) army tank (BOOM!) (Moxxie fired the first three shots and used the bloodied corpse as a human shield...)
Vroom (BANG!) vroom (BANG!) (...while the men scrambled for cover and returned fire.)
K- (BANG!) K- (BANG!) (Moxxie fired his last two shots of his Glock before switching his SIG-Sauer P226R.)
Vroom (BANG!) vroom (BANG!)
Kim (BANG!) Dracula (BANG!)
Vroom (BANG!) vroom (BANG!)
I drive a mother (BANG!) f*ckin' (BANG!) army tank (BOOM!) (Meanwhile, Blitzo fired his flintlock pistol and struggled to reload before giving up.)
Vroom vroom (BANG!)
K- K-
Vroom vroom (BANG!)
Killdozer
Vroom vroom (BANG!)
The both of them nonetheless provided adequate cover for Millie to pick up the pace by slashing, slicing, and dicing her way through her enemies.
They find (BANG!) a body (BANG!) when I put em in a tiger party (BANG-BANG!), f*ckin' opportune (BANG-BANG!) (Millie briefly comandeered a Glock 19...)
Go side (SLASH!) to side (SLASH!), I wanna see you on a bag of ice (BANG-BANG!), I bet a half a tooth (BANG-BANG!) (...firing the pistol alongside her far-away husband...)
Get with my guns (BANG!), I'll demolish your funds (BANG!), I'll put all of your children (SLICE!) through poverty too (SLICE!) (before discarding it when the slide locked back and used it to stab a particularly large henchman.)
Give (STAB!) mе (STAB!) no (STAB!) love (STAB!) and (STAB!) I'll (STAB!) show (STAB!) you (STAB!) no (STAB!) love (STAB!) and (STAB!) I'll (STAB!) f*ck (STAB!) around (STAB!) till (STAB!) your (STAB!) pale (STAB!) facе (STAB!) blue (STAB!)
At the least stab, the music momentarily ceased as Millie turned to face a pair of frightened and aroused henchmen who were on the opposite side of supposedly bulletproof glass. Smirking deviously, she batted her eyebrows and toyed with them...
"How it's going, babes?"
...before smashing through it and grabbed the both of them, knocking their heads together to knock them out and continue her rampage.
Ay caramba (PUNCH!), she's like a fine wine (BLAM!)
Gotta give me the fun fun (STABBY-STAB!) and then I'll feel fine (KICK!)
I'm talkin' (CLANG!) 'bout vengeance (CLING!), I'm talkin' (CLICK!) 'bout you (CLACK!)
Chiminey (CLICK!) chim (CLACK!) chim (CLACK!) chiminey (CLICK!) chimeroo (BANG!)
Acquiring a Glock 21, Millie then regrouped with Moxxie and Blitzo, the former now wielding a SIG-Sauer P229R and the latter now wielding a Mossberg 500 Perusader. The three of them formed a triangle and gunned down most of the remaining gunmen.
A (BANG!) B (BANG!) C (BANG!) D (BOOM!)
Don't you (BANG-BANG!) f*cking mess (BANG-BANG!) with me (BOOM!)
The trio then broke formation and dispatched the remnants.
I drive a mother (BANG!) f*ckin' (BANG!) army tank (BOOM!)
Vroom (BANG!) vroom (BANG!)
K- (BANG!) K- (BANG!)
Vroom (BANG!) vroom (BANG!)
Kim (BANG!) Dracula (BANG!)
Vroom (BANG!) vroom (BANG!)
I drive a mother (BANG!) f*ckin' (BANG!) army tank (BOOM!)
Vroom vroom (BANG!)
K- K-
Vroom vroom (BANG!)
Killdozer
Vroom vroom (BANG!)
The trio reloaded their weapons just as Douglas Scott himself and his toughest henchmen peered out of the shadows and opened fire, prompting them to take cover.
"I was always willing to be reasonable..."
"...until I had to be unreasonable..."
"Sometimes reasonable men must do unreasonable things..."
Blitzo went first and scored a chest shot at Scott, who was blasted backward and prompted the rest of his men to open fire...which did them no good in the long run.
I drive a motherf*ckin' (BANG!) army (BANG!) tank (army tank) (BOOM!)
I drive a motherf*ckin' (BANG!) army (BANG!) tank (army tank) (BOOM!)
I drive a motherf*ckin' (BANG!) army (BANG!) tank (army tank) (BOOM!)
I drive a motherf*ckin' (BANG!) army (BANG!) tank (BOOM!)...
Looking at their hard work well done, the trio stepped over the bloodied and bullet-ridden bodies just as they approached the dying Scott.
"Who are you? What are you?"
"Demons from the Underworld sent to drag you down. An old friend sent us."
"What old friend?" Scott frowned as he applied pressure on his bleeding neck.
"Wouldn't you like to know? Take a wild guess."
As the gears of Scott's mind began to grind, his eyes began to widen in realization.
"Zanda...? Is she still alive?"
"No, she's very much dead...as will you be in a few seconds."
Scott groaned in dismay and, as he reached for his gun, growled in defiance.
"Just get it over with."
"Enough said."
Having enough time to reload his flintlock pistol, Blitzo fired the one round into Scott's head, placing him out of his misery and accomplishing their mission.
BANG!
"They're eating her. And then they're going to eat me. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
As the night settled in, pizza slices, soda bottles, assorted candy, and macaroni-and-cheese bites covered the coffee table as Lincoln and Loona laughed at the atrocity of the actor's acting. While Mrs. Maybery was much more sympathetic for the character to politely offer him some acting lessons, even she could not help but smile softly in amusement at his delivery.
"Man, 90's horror movies are something else," Loona chuckled as she chomped down on her pizza slice, "Right, Lincoln?"
Loona's eyebrows shot up at the sight of Lincoln sleeping soundly beside her. Spotting this, Mrs. Mayberry softly awed and quickly got her phone, taking a picture despite Loona's protests.
"Should we take him to bed?"
"Nah... Let him sleep..."