The XCOM Files Chapter 28: Miscellaneous - Aliens and the Internet, a x-com fanfic

A/N: I have no idea if this is any good or not, this is probably going to do very well or crash and burn. First time doing a primarily comedy piece, so it should be interesting. Feedback is appreciated as always.

The alternative title to this could also be: "In which Quisilia trolls the human race."

- Xabiar

Miscellaneous

Aliens and the Internet

"Quisilia, to borrow a human expression, what the fuck are you doing?"

- Zar'Chon'ravarian'vitiary

Commander,

To be blunt, I've seen a lot of strange things since joining XCOM. However, to some extent they made sense (As much as possible, anyway). But I have to say that documenting the suspected alien activity on the Internet was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I'm still not convinced that all of them are linked directly to aliens, but there are definitely some.

What I can't wrap my head around is that there seems to be no purpose to them other than to…just exist. It's not even propaganda for the most part, just…I hate to use these words in a professional document, but it really appears to be dedicated trolling and shitposting, with a liberal application of memes and gifs for good measure.

Then you have the weird, and oddly sincere messages from who I can only suspect to be regular aliens who don't grasp how the Internet works, or that everyone can see what they write. They seem to not be able to distinguish between parody and sincerity. On the complete opposite end there are suspected aliens who are posting on scientific and engineering forums holding serious discussions on quantum physics and stuff I can't even comprehend. And these people have no idea who they're talking to. I'm quite sure some Ethereal has written a full-length paper on some obscure scientific topic in response to some comment. Make of that what you will.

Then there are strangely mundane users who don't seem to want to make that much of an impact. There are two blogs we suspect are run by aliens, but again, aren't propaganda…sort of, but both deal with alien activity, interestingly enough. One is on alien physiology and how to properly treat wounded aliens (I presume this is to help human doctors who've been conscripted by the aliens?) and one specifically providing direction to civilians on what to do to stay alive if their town/city/home is invaded.

Rather considerate, truth be told, and the writing seems oddly sincere.

What has both me and Zhang baffled is that there seems to be zero attempt made to hide the fact that they are, in fact, aliens. Quisilia in particular seems to take a lot of pleasure in revealing to random users that he is, in fact, an alien, and he is quite rightfully mocked initially. Although he is sort of becoming a sensation now, and is slowly starting to become recognized in quite a few social media sites. I'm not sure how concerning it is that he is gaining an absurd number of followers a day, and can only hope that this is due to the novelty of everything and not him gaining a fanbase of all things.

What makes this situation even more amusing/absurd is that the only semi-attempts made to use propaganda have come from the Zar'Chon's own accounts (They are literally named "Zar'Chon"), and have all been semi-sabotaged by one of Quisilia's accounts making some smart comment. I'm pretty sure the Zar'Chon is fed up with him now since he recently blocked all of Quisilia's activity on Twitter.

For an Ethereal who is supposedly some sort of intelligence genius, Quisilia is really, really bad at keeping a low profile.

Here are the accounts we suspect of alien usage, separated by type:

Twitter:

Quisilia - TheGreatQ (Yes, he used his actual name. Idiot.)

The Zar'Chon - ZararchLeader (Zar'Chon Ravarian. Given that the Zar'Chon seems to take his job seriously, I'm not unconvinced that Quisilia set him up without any input. But it appears to be legitimate based on posts and links to Quisilia's account.)

Sana - HealingSister (Twitter account linked to the two blogs I mentioned earlier. Also connected to Quisilia.)

The Archivist - EtherealSecrets (Name is suspicious and is again linked to Quisilia, but has only posted and commented on historical articles from various points of human history. May be innocent.)

The Battlemaster - CollectiveBattlemaster (The Battlemaster. Confirmed with interactions with Quisilia and his apparent lack of comprehension regarding the Internet in general.)

Caelior - TheLittleStorm (Caelior. Appears to be legitimate and have been set up by Quisilia given that Caelior has some rather strong words to Quisilia's account regarding his handle. All public of course, because these aliens don't know how to internet apparently.)

Imperator - UberEthereal (Included for posterity. Possibly nothing because there has been no activity whatsoever. However it is linked to Quisilia and was created the same day as his own account.)

Facebook (This is rather sparse. Aliens don't like it for whatever reason):

Quisilia (Again, using his name and uses the account primarily for posting sarcastic status updates and commenting on various alien things (Or deriding, depending on how it's going). Also comments on every ADVENT-affiliated page and has all of them as friends for some odd reason)

Reddit:

TheGreaterQ – (Quisilia, if you actually couldn't figure it out. Wasn't especially difficult since he likes introducing himself to anyone who asks. This is the poster of the now infamous "IAMA Alien Invading your planet! Ask Me Anything!" He seems to have a high opinion of himself. Typically posts sarcastic comments in thread dealing with the invasion. Also frequents meme, alien and conspiracy subreddits, as well as the XCOM fan subreddit that has popped up recently. Also apparently likes cute animals given how much he comments in r/aww)

Ligna0110 – (Unknown, probably Ethereal. Takes a much more serious approach, and has never revealed any extraterrestrial origins. However, it is linked to several confirmed alien profiles and has made several posts on the Vitakara subreddit (I'll cover that in a moment). Typically posts in medical subreddits and related. Very well-written and highly intelligent from the postings. Curious for sure.)

FibonacciNull – (Unknown, but suspected to be an engineer given their extremely detailed postings on engineering subreddits. Also replied in detail to some comment asking how alien propulsion systems worked. The level of detail could only have come from someone who knew the system inside and out, and ADVENT has assured me that the poster is not them, and they clearly aren't from XCOM.)

GeneCommander19 – (This might be a Sectoid, possibly a Hive Commander. This seems extremely out of character for any of them, but the account here has posted in smaller subreddits dealing specifically with genetic modification and transhumanism. The detailed posts are a far cry from the stuff that's usually posted, but it lacks a certain…detachment that I would expect from a Sectoid, which means it might be another alien altogether, possibly an Ethereal. Has admitted to experimenting on Humans, and while this might be some mad scientist freak, they also mentioned experiments with splicing genes into alien life forms. I can't say this is confirmed, but the chances of it not being linked somehow are low.)

xxBringer0fTerrorxx – (Looks like a joke, but has posted that he's an alien looking for extreme Human music. Literally. He's only posted in various kinds of metal and rock subreddits and appears to emulate an edgy teenager with his melodrama. It might be fake, but given the over-the-top nature of it, I'm half-suspecting it's another account run by Quisilia.)

SicariusWanderer – (I'm almost hesitant to include this one because…it actually is pretty touching. Unlike most of the other accounts made in the past few months, this one has existed for at least a year. She, for the user has stated as much, has exclusively posted in subreddits dealing with various types of mental and physical abuse. Whoever is behind this account seemingly has no other motive than to help random internet strangers deal with the psychological trauma and offer advice to people in bad situations. She's very eloquent and I would say gentle in her responses. So to see it suddenly be linked to other suspected alien accounts is…surprising. I'm not sure if it's related to the Ethereal identified as Sicarius, but it seems the most likely. She is still pretty active, even now that the war is fully in motion. I'm keeping an eye on it, but in terms of malicious accounts, I think taking action against this one is unnecessary.)

The Vitakara Subreddit – (r/vitakara, if you want to look at it yourself. They apparently haven't figured out the 'private' function of subreddits, or maybe they don't care. But it's strange how many Vitakara are on the site in general. From what we learned in Australia, I was under the impression that Internet activity was forbidden, but either these Vitakara are in violation of that, or more likely, it was set up by command to them to have discussions. Much of the topics are largely exclusive to them, such as properly adapting to various climates, discussions of off world sites, and that is what we've been able to translate. They write exclusively in Ethereal Script, which I suppose is smart, even if it's getting quite a bit of attention now. But there is absolutely no topics on more sensitive topics, and the subreddit itself is heavily monitored. Non-approved accounts are forbidden from posting, and due to the accounts themselves not really posting anywhere else, it is possible they've restricted what the Vitakara can actually access (Although this isn't always true. Never forget the very confused group of Vitakara posting in r/aliens thinking it had been made just for them). The administrators of the site are working with ADVENT to monitor the subreddit, but have taken no actions on it yet.)

Miscellaneous:

Various scientific and engineering forums – (There are several suspicious posters that frequent several forums devoted to serious scientific and engineering discussion. I suspect it might be linked to the accounts I mentioned earlier. Discussion is far too high-level for me to comprehend. Have forwarded the links to Vahlen and Shen. Maybe they can make some sense of it. But the ones dealing with alien technology warrant a closer look.)

4chan – (It's impossible to confirm anything on that piece of crap. But there was a rather interesting thread with a poster that sounded a lot like Quisilia, which was confirmed at the end when he flat out said he was having his agents find the locations of their homes and was going to "do something". I do think even Quisilia has his limit. However, his insult game is on-point)

Tumblr – (Account name is "Swordmaster199" and was mostly focused on metalwork and dueling history. And yes, this does sound like a very odd place for the Ethereal you are no doubt connecting this with. Nothing seemed odd about it until Quisilia (Again using his name like an idiot. Don't ask what insane crap he's been reblogging) commented about incorporating some technique into his training. Red flag raised, and now we're watching it. However, there hasn't been any activity for a while and we don't know why. Maybe he has better things to do.)

Instagram – (Yes, Quisilia has an account here (What a shock!), that largely consists of posting images from the front lines, but from the alien side. It's legitimately interesting, and Quisilia actually doesn't post smart comments with the images. His images are actually being used by quite a few news sites and he apparently doesn't care. The other interesting one is an account called "CogCodex" which is posting images that I can only assume are from other worlds. They appear to be legitimate, but there is seemingly no reason for this to exist, and no idea what alien could be connected to it. It is rather beautiful, I will admit.)

I'm going to forward this to Aegis as well, Commander, he might be able to confirm which Ethereals are behind these, or at least allow us to get a better idea. How we deal with this though…I really don't know. I'll leave that to your own judgement.

- Ariel Jackson, Central Officer of XCOM Analysis and Communications

Message to Sana'Ligna from Quisilia on CODEX encrypted network

SUBJECT: Your own blog!

Sana! Been a while and I know we've both been busy with our own operations relating to Earth, but with things proceeding rather well, I wanted to bring to your attention something I think you might be interested in. You've developed something of a fascination with these Humans, if your requests and experimental documents are anything to go by. I approve! They are a fascinating species for sure, and I know another way you might want to interact with them.

They have an open communications network they call the "Internet" that is filled with what I can say is the essence of Humanity. If you can image something about the Humans, you can probably find it there. But what I mean to say is that if you want to reach the Humans in a way that won't compromise your identity, that is the way to do it.

Despite you not exactly approving of the approach the Imperator has ordered, there are ways you can mitigate the damage that might be caused by our invasion. The humans are going to naturally have little clue how to deal with us, so perhaps you could intervene that way? Well, what you do is completely up to you, that is the beauty of the Internet after all, but I have taken the liberty of creating a blog for you. If you want a specific tutorial, I can send one over, but it is rather intuitive. You can write whatever you want on it and then anyone can read it!

Useful, yes? I thought so. Now, because the Internet is so massive, it might take time to develop an audience, and how Humans typically advertise their various sites is through social media. I've created a Twitter account for you to get started, but I'll also link a few more ones you can investigate on your own.

Good luck!

- Quisilia

Re: SUBJECT: Your own blog!

Quisilia,

I appreciate you taking the time to inform me of this, as I was unaware of the implications of such a platform. I had learned the name from Humans I've conversed with, but never considered it important. However, in light of this new information I believe I will indeed investigate this "blog" and see what I can do to reach these humans before the Battlemaster's brutes irreparably tarnish their image of us.

I am curious, what other ways can I spread this across their Internet?

Re: Re: SUBJECT: Your own blog!

Sana! I'm pleased you are open to using the Internet in a useful way. Sadly, some of the others see it as a pointless waste of time. Ah well, onto your question. Well, the websites that might give you the most traction would be Facebook, Reddit and perhaps Tumblr (Although you'll have to get authorization for the last one, since the Battlemaster barred it from our networks.)

I'll leave it up to you to decide which ones to use, this is your blog after all!

- Quisilia

Blog: "Aliens, Cooperation, and You"

Post: "What to do during an attack"

Flagged by ADVENT Intelligence for review

Combat is a stressful situation for all living beings, but even Human soldiers suffer from various mental illnesses due to the trauma and stress of combat, which I am sadly aware of. But I am also aware that it can be overwhelming for the average Human citizen who is caught up in a war between two sides and has no control over what happens.

However, even during those stressful times there are guidelines and rules that can and should be followed in order to keep not only yourself safe, but also the ones you care about. Above all you must maintain a clear head, otherwise you will unfortunately make rash decisions that could potentially cost you your life.

First: Stay put. Do not move from your shelter under any circumstances. Ethereal Collective soldiers will not fire upon a building unless it is empty or occupied by enemy soldiers. If you are out in the open, get to an intact structure as soon as possible to minimize your chances of being mistakenly targeted by Collective soldiers. In battle, they must make split decisions that unfortunately leave little room for critical thought.

If the structure you are in is occupied by ADVENT soldiers, it is advised that you vacate to another structure free of them, otherwise you might be targeted by Collective soldiers whose only directive is the elimination of opposition. If the soldiers try to stop you, attempt to leave in any way you can unless it will lead to bodily harm.

If there is no possible way to leave, move to a sheltered corner far from the soldiers and stay down for the duration of the battle. Immediately comply with any directions Collective soldiers give.

Second: Do not attack alien soldiers. There is a standing order to not intentionally fire on civilians unless they fight back. Breaking this rule will mark you as a hostile soldier and you will be targeted and potentially killed. Attempt to override the impulse to defend yourself and your family, as you have nothing to fear from the aliens unless you give them a reason too. Ignoring propaganda is difficult, but strive to make an effort for it could potentially cost your life and that of your family.

Third: Cooperate. There are orders to not hurt civilians in captured territories, and despite what you may have heard, civilians are treated normally. There will be additional rules and curfews imposed that you may not be used to, but they are sadly necessary in this war. You will likely interact with Vitakarians on a daily basis, as they have a similar aesthetic to your own species.

But under no circumstances should you defy an order from an alien unless your very life is in danger. There can be no protection for those that break established rules, and the commanding Sargon will make it very clear what is expected of you. Follow the rules, and you have no reason to fear the aliens.

Until next time! :)

- Sana

SUBMISSION: To r/aliens [Notable posts]

[912] IAMA Alien Invading Your World! Ask Me Anything!

[-] Check121 1078 points 23 hours ago

This seems to be in extremely bad taste.

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 101 points 23 hours ago

|This is no trick, I assure you. I just thought some humans might be interested in knowing more about the ones who are taking over their planet.

||[-] nbone190 500 points 23 hours ago

||Uh huh, and I'm the president of the USA

||[-] asgard601 560 points 23 hours ago

||K, I'll play your little game. So…why the fuck are you attacking us?

||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 213 points 23 hours ago

|||An excellent question! The short version is that we see great potential in your species and want to help you achieve that. Unfortunately, our leader determined that you wouldn't be willing to live under alien rule through peace. So there must be war for now, but I'm sure that it'll be over soon!

|||| [-] 00goUSA 120 points 22 hours ago

||||I mean, he's not wrong. No way in hell I'd like living under alien rule.

|||| [-] jsrra 101 points 22 hours ago

||||Riight…suure. You seem totally legit.

[-] alienhu110 208 points 23 hours ago

Cute, well ok. So what kind of alien are you?

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 54 points 23 hours ago

|I am an Ethereal! One of the oldest and most powerful species in the galaxy. Frankly, I am much more impressive than you.

|| [-] alienhu110 60 points 23 hours ago

|| Stab, stab my heart. Well, guess I should surrender now. Oh Ethereal, I bow to your superior intellect.

||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 22 points 23 hours ago

|||Please, I know you are being sarcastic. How could I possibly hope to compete with your own level of wit?

|||| [-] alienhu110 45 points 23 hours ago

||||lol, you're moderately entertaining, I'll give you that.

[-] gopher15 100 points 22 hours ago

Guys this is a TROLL. Downvote him and move on!

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 115 points 21 hours ago

|Guys this is a TROLL. Downvote and move on!

|| [-] gopher15 46 points 21 hours ago

|| fuck me, this is ridiculous

||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 53 points 21 hours ago

||| I'd rather not. I am personally not a fan of gophers.

[-] flowertrek 451 points 22 hours ago

Well, I for one welcome our new alien overlords.

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 510 points 22 hours ago

| Thank you u/flowertrek, your name will go into the records as one of the most intelligent humans on this planet.

|| [-] flowertrek 322 points 21 hours ago

|| *bows* It is truly an honor, oh wise alien master.

[-] throwaway111 46 points 14 hours ago

Guys, I think this might be legit. He was in the xcom subreddit earlier saying the same thing. I'm not sure it's fake.

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 101 points 23 hours ago

|^ Listen to the man!

[-] Marine227 1019 points 17 hours ago

Welcome to earth, bitch! Be prepared to get your ass kicked back to Mars!

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 99 points 16 hours ago

| lol, k.

[-] yogo17 627 points 18 hours ago

Ooh, I know how to tell if you're real! Are there any hot alien babes you can tell us about?

| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 1011 points 23 hours ago

| That depends on your definition of, ah, 'hot'. But based on my observations, you humans are willing to fuck anything. I'd check out the Vitakarian females if I were you, provided they don't kill you first.

|| hirlan 1301 points 22 hours ago

|| I don't know if I like how seriously he answered that.

||| marauderUni 613 points, 21 hours ago

||| Eh, he isn't wrong though. We humans would probably fuck everything. Hey, u/TheGreaterQ, you got any pics

|||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 782 points 21 hours ago

|||| Here. [Embedded is a high-quality picture of a Vitakarian female in Runianarch battle armor surrounded by other various Vitakara races]

||||| fred99 892 points 20 hours ago

||||| Ok this is creepy. That looks fucking real.

||||| danny123 720 points 20 hours ago

||||| uh…guys, I think those are real.

|||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 900 points 19 hours ago

|||||| That's what I've been trying to tell you! I was under the impression that you were a fairly intelligent species. But I think I've figured you out! You like proof! Ok, I can work with that. Give me a minute to get some pictures.

||||||| [-] fred99 619 points 19 hours ago

||||||| Guys, I have a bad feeling about this. This isn't funny anymore buddy.

|||||||| [-] rsephjr 510 points 19 hours ago

|||||||| Yeah, it was a semi-funny prank earlier. Bad taste, but funny. Now I'm legit not feeling well.

||||||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 2918 points 17 hours ago

||||||||| Ah, here we go! Sorry for the wait! Wanted to get some excellent images for you. Like this one [Embedded is an image of Vitakara soldiers escorting humans through a devastated town] and this one [Embedded is an image of the Battlemaster killing several ADVENT soldiers] ah, you know what, here's an album of proof for you! [Embedded is an album of various images showing human subjugation under Collective control]

|||||||||| [-] hero82w 3012 points 16 hours ago

|||||||||| holy shit

|||||||||| [-] gdaymt12 2190 points 16 hours ago

|||||||||| Reported to ADVENT alien bitch

|||||||||| [-] nwor 1928 points 16 hours ago

|||||||||| the fuck? Please tell me this is fake

|||||||||| [-] miracles22 1422 points 16 hours ago

|||||||||| I'm about to freak out

||||||||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [S] 2180 points 17 hours ago

||||||||||| Don't freak out human, take this as a warning. ADVENT, XCOM, they will not be able to defend you. Not forever. Each and every one of you will become loyal citizens of the Ethereal Collective. Perhaps it took you a while to figure out the truth, but no matter. We reward loyalty, but fight us and you will die.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see what's new in r/aww. This thread became depressing rather fast. Good day, humans! Be sure to always welcome your new alien overlords!

CODEX Archive: User::Identification = "The Battlemaster"

Tumblr account linked: Swordmaster199 [Creator: Quisilia]

Account accessed: 17 Times

Searches while accessed:

Earth historical melee combat

[Reconfigured parameters]: melee combat

[Reconfigured parameters]: medieval combat

[Reconfigured parameters]: knights

Followed 4 accounts

[New search]: medieval art

Followed 2 accounts

[New search]: knight art

[Reconfigured parameters]: fantasy art

[Reconfigured parameters]: elves

Logs off account. Accesses Google

[New search]: What are elves?

[New search]: Who created elves?

[New search]: lord of the rings

Movie downloaded: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

6 Hour delay before reaccessing network

[New search]: Why do elves not miss?

[New search]: good fantasy movies

Reaccessed Tumblr account

[New search]: lord of the rings art

[Reconfigured parameters]: Nazgul armor design

No activity for approximately 3.2 days

Reaccessed Tumblr account

[New search]: aliens

[Reconfigured parameters]: sectoids

[Reconfigured parameters]: Vitakara

[Reconfigured parameters]: real life aliens

No account activity for 3 hours

[New search]: Xenophilia

Accesses Google

[New search]: human mental disorders

[Reconfigured parameters]: human mental sexual disorders

[New search]: What is a furry?

[New search]: What is a vore?

Forwards results to Sana'Ligna

Accesses Tumblr

[New search]: furry

[New search]: alien furry

Closes window 3.4 seconds after opening

Logs out of account

Proclamation issued 2 hours later

NOTICE: Human website with domain name tumblr .com is restricted from further access. Authorization: The Battlemaster

Forwards website to Zar'Chon'ravarian'vitiary with further instructions for removal

CODEX Archive: Accounts [Site]: Netflix

Account owner: Archivist Cogitian

Recent activity:

Live Free or Die Hard

Time watched: 2h 5m

Rating: 3/5 Stars

Saving Private Ryan

Time watched: 2h 45m

Rating:5/5 Stars

Predestination

Time watched: 1h 37min

Rating: 1/5 Stars

2012

Time watched: 2h 30m

Rating:2/5 Stars

White House Down

Time watched: 2h 14m

Rating: 5/5 Stars

Olympus Has Fallen

Time watched: 1h 58m

Rating: 4/5

London Has Fallen

Time watched: 1h 30m

Rating: 1/5

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Time watched: 1h 23m

Rating: 2/5

District 9

Time watched: 1h 48m

Rating: 4/5

Alien

Time watched: 1h 51m

Rating: 3/5

Aliens

Time watched: 2h 30m

Rating: 3/5

Titanic

Time watched: 2h 10m

Rating: 1/5

Top-rated threads in r/vitakara (Translated from Ethereal Script)

Marked for observation by ADVENT Intelligence

[24k] [Borelians] How to keep temperature stable in humid areas?

[20k] [General] Official Australia Communication Thread [Sticky]

[19.3k] [General] Official Oceania Communication Thread [Sticky]

[16.1k] [General] What happened in Japan?

[17.6k] [Cobrarians] Why do the humans keep referring to us as reptiles?

[12k] [General] How to reliably ensure human cooperation?

[14.8k] [General] Human environment appreciation thread

[21.5k] [General] Condensed guide to human culture

[22k] [Vitakarians] Why are humans so similar to us?

[13.2k] [General] I found a cat. Why will it not leave me alone?

[23.9k] [General] WARNING! Avoid bees and snakes at all cost (Images inside)

[10.1k] [Dath'Haram] How to properly navigate Earth jungles

Additional r/vitakara stats

Moderators: u/RunianarchObserver; u/LurainianObserver; u/ZararchObserver

Note: Total of thirty moderators, all the same usernames with different numbers at the end. Fifteen ZararchObservers, ten RunianarchObservers and five LurainianObservers

Users: 1,672,101 members

Times reaching r/all since creation: 89

Daily visitors (Average): 1,000,000+

Average threads created per day: 56

Average comments per thread: 66

Average upvotes per thread: 9k

Average downvotes per thread: 0 (Note: Only subscribed members can up/downvote)

Logged Twitter action between Quisilia, The Zar'Chon and The Battlemaster

The Battlemaster CollectiveBattlemaster – Sep 11, 2016

I fail to see the point of this, Quisilia. What exactly am I supposed to with this?