Miscellaneous – Aliens and Chocolate

"The weaponization of chocolate was not something I expected."

- The Commander of XCOM

XCOM Proposal 099

Authorization Level: XCOM Intelligence

Subject: Introduction of Addictive Agents in Collective Territory

Author: Shaojie Zhang, Director of XCOM Intelligence

Commander,

Before you immediately dismiss this idea out of hand for the initial ludicrousness, I want to remind you that it has, albeit accidentally, been proven to be effective. The illegal drug trade is not something that aliens, particularly Vitakara, have ever had to deal with, nor are familiar with what it actually entails. I have confirmed this with conversations with our resident Vitakara captives.

This is not to say addictive or narcotic agents are not known, and I was provided a list, but that so-called terrorist organizations like the Nulorian never participate in it because unlike on Earth, currency isn't common, and the Aui'Vitakar have very strict standards in place for narcotics. Addicts are extremely uncommon, and also unlike Humans, it is very obvious if someone is on Vitakara narcotics. Literally every single addictive drug known to them will have an effect similar to injecting pure heroin into a Human.

Now, the science team is working to figure out just why this is, but chocolate appears to have a much smaller, but potent effect on Vitakarians, which could theoretically extend to other races as well. You are aware of the incident involving a Vitakarian eating a chocolate bar, and it appears she has developed a mild addiction to the substance now.

The effects of chocolate addiction are still unknown, but initial results indicate that it is extremely addictive to Vitakarians, wears off within a few hours, and in small doses does not appear to cause immediate ill effects. I specify small doses because large quantities will induce vomiting. Provided this little side effect can be reduced, I believe this weakness should be something we exploit.

I imagine that the Collective figured out the effects of chocolate relatively quickly, and have likely taken steps to ensure that their own forces do not consume it. Thus, there is an untapped market that we can exploit without directly engaging them in combat. The aliens do not have experience with the drug trade, but we have quite a bit of knowledge in how to carry it out correctly.

I propose that, together with ADVENT Intelligence, we work to, put bluntly, get the aliens addicted to chocolate, or at least the Vitakara. Once they are sufficiently addicted, we can use that leverage to potentially acquire rarer materials such as elerium crystals, plasma weapons, or alloys. It is unlikely the aliens will have much currency, but they do have resources we can use.

Upon your approval, we can begin this operation relatively quickly. Although we should develop an antidote as well, at least for the Vitakarians who are working with us on this.

CODEX File ***

Subject: Human Narcotic ("Chocolate") Effects on Various Species

Location: Blacksite ***

Author: Geneticist Revelean

A minor matter that has been brought to my attention that has proved exceptionally interesting is a substance the Humans call "Chocolate", which is used both as an ingredient and sweet throughout their entire species. It is often supplemented with additional ingredients such as sugar, flavored preservatives, and cookie dough, and is extremely popular. The majority of Humans seem immune to the dangers this obvious drug poses, and are only negatively affected if they consume exorbitant amounts.

What is baffling is when the exact same drug is given to other alien species. This was first recorded in Vitakarians who were experimenting with Human food, and subsequently banned from consumption. Nonetheless I decided there needed to be data on just how severe this was to member species of the Collective. The results are curious to say the least. As I suspected, it does produce adverse effects in nearly all species, although it also induces euphoria for certain ones.

Vitakara: Subjecting the various races of Vitakara produced varied results, of a greater deviance than I had originally anticipated. Contrary to what I believed, not every race would be affected just because they were the same species, but had reactions that varied from euphoric to lethal; also with dosage varied.

Vitakarians and Dath'Haram had very similar results. Any amount of chocolate is enough to immediately put them in a lethargic and euphoric state which fades within several hours. If too much chocolate is consumed (Half of one acquired Hershey's Bar was the maximum), it will induce vomiting in them for a brief period. It is also highly addictive to them, and even the smallest amount is enough to hook them on this drug.

Borelians have a similar reaction, although unlike the previously mentioned races, their metabolism is strong enough to allow them to consume essentially as much chocolate as they want. They still enter the same euphoric state, and suffer the same addiction, but they do not have to fear untimely vomiting. Out of all the races, they were the ones who appeared to enjoy it the most.

Cobrarians do not suffer the same effects as the races above, and it appears that chocolate is not something that appeals to them. Yet they also develop an addiction to it, and unlike the others, this addiction has a very high chance of causing an overdose and killing them. Out of the races, they are the ones who are most vulnerable to this drug.

Oyariah and Sar'Manda do not appear to be affected at all, nor do they appear to like the drug very much. Oyariah also do not become addicted, and Sar'Manda develop a much weaker addiction that fades in mere days if chocolate is not consumed. However, the chances of either species finding this drug in the first place is limited since neither would consider it appetizing.

Andromedons: Introducing chocolate to Andromedons has had…lethal results. I expected Andromedons to react poorly, or suffer similar effects as the Vitakara. I did not anticipate that the rather small amount of chocolate given to them would send their body into a state of shock and kill them within several hours. Unexpected and unfortunate.

Although perhaps not so unexpected. Their physiology and biology is incompatible with nearly everything that I have observed in this galaxy. All of their food is specially treated and seasoned, with none of it being organic or natural. I suppose subjecting to them to a known narcotic would have adverse effects. Nonetheless, it would be best if this information is kept from XCOM.

Mutons: Out of curiosity, I subjected several Mutons to consuming chocolate, and it elicited no adverse effects. I do not even believe the Mutons really tasted it. Considering their immune systems and metabolism are superb, it would follow that chocolate does not have any effect, good or bad, on them.

With this known, I asked a Sargon his opinion, and he confirmed that it had no taste, nor did he have any desire to have any more. This also applies to males and females equally. Mutons just do not care for chocolate, and that works to our advantage surprisingly enough.

Sectoids: It was difficult to accurately test this out. There were two means of subjecting them to the drug. The first was using cocoa powder and having them sniff it, and the second was injecting it directly into their bodies. The former was clearly unpleasant for them, though they did not develop any addictive tendencies. The latter, however, sent their body into shock and killed them. Like the Andromedons, it appeared that a high enough dose was lethal to their frail bodies.

Ethereals: I attempted to taste this drug for myself, and while I can say I don't particularly care for it, I have yet to feel any addictive symptoms from it. The issue is that it is too sweet to fully enjoy; even pure cocoa powder is far too sweet. How the Humans constantly enjoy this, and further sweeten it with sugar of all things is baffling.

I regret telling Quisilia this, as it has resulted in every Ethereal being sent an overly large Hershey bar in what I can only presume as a joke. Although the Battlemaster stated he thought pure cocoa wasn't awful, so perhaps my colleagues have stronger tolerances than I do.

Testing and Dosage: The amount of mediums Humans have for distributing this drug is truly staggering. The most common are bars which are traditionally able to be broken into bite-sized squares for easy consumption. Occasionally these bars will be modified with nuts, caramel, and other odd ingredients. I will also add that these chocolate bars are often severely diluted in purity.

Chocolate bars with a large amount of purity are referred to as "dark chocolate", and are as supposed, a darker color than traditional bars. Many humans dislike these as being too bitter (Utterly baffling), and there is no such thing as a 100% pure chocolate bar.

The second most common method of distribution are smaller pellets or cups of chocolate. Like the bars, many times they are supplemented with additional ingredients such as peanut butter and colorings. Pure chocolate is referred to as 'cocoa' and oddly enough, is not intended for immediate consumption, but instead to be used as an ingredient in other foods.

With this in mind, the dosages used were the following:

- ¼ Hershey Chocolate bar

- ½ Hershey Chocolate bar

- Full Hershey Chocolate bar

Note that these were not modified with additional ingredients. Throughout testing the following chocolate candies were also used:

- M&Ms (NOTE: Not to be confused with Skittles, which do not have chocolate at all. More distinction should be made between the small colored pellets.)

- Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (NOTE: Despite the name, these contain a moderate amount of chocolate. I have had Quisilia send a letter to the company addressing this misleading advertising)

- Snickers Bars (NOTE: These appear to be made primarily for unhappy people, but I did not observe any noticeable difference in reactions from subjects)

- Standard Chocolate Chips

- Chocolate Chip Cookies (Homemade)

- Cocoa Powder

Several additional things to note are that if the chocolate was used as a supplementary ingredient, or several additional ingredients were used, the chocolate itself was not as effective, and more could be consumed before suffering adverse effects. In addition, the more diluted the chocolate, the more could be consumed. However, pure cocoa powder produced much longer and better euphoric states.

I do not know if this will actually be useful, but in the event of a chocolate epidemic, I suspect this will provide the necessary data to combat it.

ADVENT Operation Report 0882

Operation Name: Black Sugar

Operatives: Agent Desmond Hunt; Agent Layla Collins

Operation Location: San Francisco Area, United States of America

Overview: The mission consisted of two stages; the first of which was identifying a suitable target for initial addiction, which was done successfully. This was initially done through strategically leaving chocolate bars in locations the target, and multiple other Vitakara frequented. After repeating this several times, we left means of contact and ceased the chocolate flow. After several days we received an affirmative to meet.

We did have sniper support in the event the contact arrived with reinforcements, but that turned out to be a baseless worry. The Vitakarian clearly did not have any idea what was going on, or what to expect. The following audio transcript should clarify any further questions. The initial state has been accomplished, and the second stage is now fully in operation.

Audio Transcript of First Contact:

Contact took place at approximately 9:18 P.M. Recording approximately started at 9:13 P.M.

[Layla Collins]: "Think he'll show?"

[Desmond Hunt]: "Well, if chocolate is as addictive for them as the scientists claim, I'm not sure he'll have a choice."

[LC]: "Fine, let me rephrase that: Do you think he's bringing help? Or friends to kill us?"

Agent Hunt gestures behind him.

[DH]: "Not a concern. He shows up with friends, we kill them. He proves unreliable, we kill him and start over. We only need one to get this started."

Agent Collins sighs.

[LC]: "I can't believe you're actually wearing that hat."

[DH]: "Goes with the coat, don't you think?"

[LC]: "You're a walking bad stereotype of a drug dealer. You've been waiting for this, haven't you?"

Agent Hunt laughs.

[DH]: "Oh yeah. Look, these aliens don't even know what a stereotype is. If anything, this is the only idea they have of drug dealers, if they have any at all. Why not give them what they expect? It's not like we're dealing with the Zararch."

[LC]: "Now you've done it."

[DH]: "Oh look, I do believe that's our contact."

A figure in the distance appears; closer inspection reveals a Vitakarian male in recognized Runianarch grey-white fatigues. He is only armed with a plasma pistol and appears to be alone. Vitakarian will be designated as Contact 1 for the remainder of this transcript.

[DH]: "Eh! You there! You here to do the business?"

Agent Collins noticeably maintains her facial features as Agent hunt talks in his fake and odd mix of accents. Contact 1 also appears visibly startled.

[Contact 1]: "Human, please be quiet! I thought you wished to be discreet!"

[DH]: "Aye, aye, ya, of course. We want to keep this nice and quiet; no time spent in the slammer if you catch my drift."

Contact 1 clearly does not.

Agent Hunt sighs.

[DH]: "So, ya came to do some biz or what? I ain't got all night, neither does my friend Candy here."

He gestures to Agent Collins, who appears less than amused. Contact 1 appears to get down to business.

[C1]: "Ah, yes…Human. You mentioned that you have more of that…substance…"

[DH]: "Like it do ya? Can't blame you, a good coco bar always hits the spot for me."

Agent Hunt makes a mock kissing sound which was supposed to convey it was delicious. Contact 1 only appears confused.

[C1]: "It is a very…enjoyable food, though my superiors have it banned for strange reasons."

[DH]: "Yep, fuck the bosses, am I right? Glad to know not all you xenos are so stuck up all the time."

Agent Hunt holds out a fist, supposedly hoping that the alien is familiar with Human slang greetings. He is not. After several awkward seconds, he sighs and lets it drop.

[DH]: "Right, so I guess what needs to be figured out for ya is just what you want to get from me. Got a very wide range of the goods to show you."

[C1]: "Ok, what do you have? I quite liked the Heshy Bar."

[LC]: "Hershey."

[DH]: "Don't be so hard on him Candy, he ain't familiar with this stuff like we are. Anyway,"

He opens up his trench coat which is filled with various brands of chocolate candies. The Vitakarian's eyes noticeably widen.

[DH]: "Now here's what I got for ya, I got the M&Ms, I got the Snickers, I got them Hersheys. You name it, I can get it for ya. Dark, regular, sweet and bitter, just make the request and I can whip it up. Trust me, I've got loads of contacts, believe me, you wouldn't believe how much this stuff sells. People just eat this stuff up. Literally!"

Agent Collins keeps a straight face.

[C1]: "That…sounds good. Uh…how many of those Hershey bars can you get me?"

Agent Hunt scratches his chin dramatically.

[DH]: "Well my friend, that depends just what you got for me. Look, much as I'd like to run a charity, I ain't in a position to be giving my stuff away for free. I got a lot of biz to take care of, but you get me those dolla bills, and I'll bring boxes of that stuff."

[C1]: "I am afraid I do not have any of those to give to you in exchange."

[DH]: "No worries pal, I've got ya covered. It'd be silly to rely on one currency. Them ADVENT Alloys are going to be big; pounds are still worth something, I even take Renminbi, still got swift business in China. Look, much as I'm sure you have a lot of whatever your bosses pay you, alien money ain't no good here. You got at least some of these right?"

[C1]: "I…am afraid not. We are not compensated like that."

[DH]: "Huh, well this poses a mite problem. You sure you got nothin' for me? Can't really run a business on thanks."

[LC]: "You heard him. He's got nothing. Bust, just like I warned you. Dem aliens are just flat broke."

[C1]: "Wait. Does it have to be monetary? Can't you take some other kind of compensation?"

[DH]: "I mean, if you've got nothing else, maybe. Dunno. What you thinking of?"

[C1]: "There are resources I can…find…which I know are valuable to your species. I'm sure you can find someone who can buy them."

Both agents exchange looks with each other.

[DH]: "Dunno. Sounds good, but I'm trying to keep a low profile. ADVENT ain't liking that I see to xenos, and taking stuff from the xenos themselves might get me killed, you hear me?"

[C1]: "It's not as risky as that. The Collective has more resources than they know what to do with. They won't miss a few alloys or crystals. I can even get some extra weapons if you really want it!"

[DH]: "Hmm…Candy, what you think?"

[LC]: "We don't know if he's legit."

[DH]: "True, true, but it's not fair to put that on our xeno friend right off the bat. Alright buddy, tell you what, I don't do this for everyone, but I'll give you a deal here. Keep in mind this is just to prove you'll level with me, if you know what I mean, eh?"

He does not.

[DH]: "So I can get you a whole box of them Hershey Bars, in exchange for two plasma rifles; for me and Candy, see. You get me that, and I can break out the good stuff, like this."

Agent Hunt pulls out a generic tin of cocoa powder.

[DH]: "Pure cocoa buddy, way better than that candy stuff. Bit hard to come by, but you come through for me, and I can get you this stuff at a special rate. You get me? So, what you say to this? In or out?"

[C1]: "That can be arranged. You have a deal."

[DH]: "Excellent! And as thanks for working with me, I'll give you this Hershey bar right now. I'll throw in an M&M packet for good measure. Broaden your horizons."

[C1]: "I can meet again in approximately two days."

[DH]: "Works for me, buddy. Remember, no snitching to your bosses. I see any friends with you, I'm outta here. Can't take chances, you understand."

[C1]: "I do."

[DH]: "Welp, enjoy my xeno friend. I'll see you soon. Pleasure doing business."

Both parties part ways, and after they have confirmed the Vitakarian is gone, Agent Hunt pulls out another chocolate bar and begins eating.

[LC]: "Really, just eating the 'extremely valuable and hard to get' goods just like that?"

[DH]: "Hey, I think I earned it."

[LC]: "I can't believe that actually worked."

[DH]: "You clearly underestimate my acting abilities."

[LC]: "Who the hell talks like that?"

[DH]: "I, Desmond Hunt, The Chocolate Baron, talk like that. Along with my trusty partner in crime Candy."

[LC]: "Fuck you."

[DH]: "Well, all we need to do is wait and see if our alien friend comes through. I hope he does. I like him."

[LC]: "Bet you a can of pure cocoa he does."

[DH]: "Ha, I'm not going to take that bet, because I think the same thing."