A/N: Happy 100th XCOM File, hope everyone likes this.
- Xabiar
Miscellaneous
Aliens and the Internet II
"There are days when I wonder just whose side Quisilia is on. I begin to see why Humans wish to get intoxicated."
- Zar'Chon'ravarian'vitiary
Commander,
I believe it is, for better or worse, time to once again update you on the alien activity on the Internet. It has, unsurprisingly, only gotten larger due to many of the species taking a larger interest in it, Quisilia, and the aliens themselves becoming more curious, about our species and the Internet itself.
If you're wondering how the aliens are getting access to the wider Internet, I would chalk it up to the Zararch idiotically thinking they know what they're doing. To the surprise of everyone, once you put the information out there it really isn't easy to keep it in the box. To this date, the r/Vitakara thread about how to set up a VPN is the second-most popular one, despite how quickly it was taken down by the Zararch.
Courtesy of ADVENT Intelligence agents, it was restored. A downside of an enemy intelligence agency working on a Human-controlled site. Normally I would suspect that the Zararch would just shut the whole thing down, but since there are literally a few hundred thousand of them on it, taking it away would be more trouble than it's worth.
So at this point, they appear to just be heavily discouraging it and relying on fear to keep the Vitakara in line. We are keeping an eye on how this develops.
As before, I will be breaking this up into sections. Thanks to Aegis, and subsequent alien interviews, we've been able to piece together the likely identities for the profiles in the previous report. In retrospect, most are fairly obvious, and as such there will not be much devoted to that aspect. Instead, since there are more aliens loose on the Internet, I will organize this by species. In addition, I will also focus somewhat on the trends ADVENT itself is going through as a result of the war.
Andromedons: The suspected Andromedon internet presence has grown exponentially over the past few months, and although they are a bit harder to track, since they aren't regulated like the Vitakara have attempted to be, there are certain tells which give away their non-Human origins.
What they tend to do does include some of what you would expect. There are a fair few who read the engineering journals and respective corners of the internet where that is popular. There are a surprising few who are extremely interested in Human history too. Mostly focusing on the wars our species have gone through, but it is something they do appear to be passionate about.
However, for whatever reason, Andromedons seem to find our entertainment completely fascinating. They love big franchises, generally of the science-fiction genre, or other near-future entertainment. Now while they do seem to think most alien invasion movies are comedies meant to be ridiculous, they treat others with an extremely odd degree of reverence and appreciation.
I am not sure how familiar you are with science fiction, Commander, but even you are likely familiar with Star Wars. The Andromedons seem to love that series for some reason, which isn't entirely clear. Ironically enough, varying Andromedons have different opinions and are more than content to argue them as passionately as any hardcore fan. Browse r/Andromeda_Prime (Or other identified Andromedon hubs) if you want to actually see this. They seriously have weekly discussion threads about the series, and the posts are thousands of words long.
Andromedons don't seem to know the meaning of 'concise'.
Now, while you may not care, I'm just going to note down a few things I saw on their opinions since it's one of my favorite series.
- The vast majority of Andromedons are pro-Separatist, pro-Rebel, and Pro-Resistance. They don't appear to like any sort of established power. Though they also think the rebellion was run 'inefficiently', which translates to "didn't commit more war crimes" so take that for what you will.
- They are actively trying to figure out if it is possible to build lightsabers.
- They seem to actually relate more to the Jedi than Sith, which I think might have more to do with them not experiencing strong emotions to begin with. They are continuously confused when people raise issues with the Jedi's suppression of emotions.
- There is an active discussion on if the creator was actually psionic or not (Which extends beyond the Andromedons too, for that matter).
- The meme culture of Star Wars (The prequels especially) has not seemed to infect them. I will note that Quisilia has attempted multiple times to introduce them to such, but they keep ignoring him.
Star Wars isn't the only franchise they love. The other is a far-future sci-fi setting called Warhammer 40K. Unfortunately I can't really speak with too much authority on this subject, as the setting never appealed to me, but the Andromedons certainly feel otherwise. There are quite a few within the community now, and the community managers are trying to figure out just what to do about this.
Yes, this does include Andromedons who are joining forums and RP threads. They aren't exactly very personable, and take the entire thing a bit too seriously, but they're getting friendlier with people. ADVENT is working to see how exactly they can use this, though I really don't know what they would get from it. The Andromedons just seem to want to play a game, and nothing malicious.
As for why the Andromedons are focusing on this kind of stuff…your guess is as good as mine. Speaking with A'Darrah, he says that the Andromedons never really had entertainment in the Unions or Federation, so the fact that someone would go to the trouble of making up a setting that had no practical use was "fascinating" and "an interesting alternative to the reality we live in".
V'Thrask suggested that it worked as a kind of thought experiment, where there were additional variables and rules to consider in the setting – likely how they got so into Warhammer. A critical thinking aspect would fit the Andromedons, but if you want my personal opinion, there isn't really an explainable reason they like these. They're just fans.
Alien fans, but I guess that transcends species.
ADVENT: So, what have us Humans been doing in the months after the war?
Well, about what you'd expect. ADVENT has their propaganda teams working overtime and flooding social media with pro-ADVENT stuff, which the masses are eating up without much resistance. Whatever internet rebellion against ADVENT that existed is gone now, and it's really rare to find anti-ADVENT sentiment either.
But I'm aware that you know about all that, so I'll focus on what you really want to know about.
Yes, the meme community has certainly done their part in the war. ADVENT has helped several go viral, and in return this has spawned waves of pro-Human, pro-ADVENT, pro-XCOM, and anti-alien memes. One of the most popular recent formats is that footage of Quisilia getting thrown back by the Chronicler into a building (The gif has nearly half a billion watches). This has spawned:
- A "Fus-ro-dah" version inspired by the video game Skyrim.
- A music video (Yes, really).
- Multiple Star Wars versions where he is edited to be flying into the Death Star, Executor, or Trade Federation ship.
- A "Watch Quisilia get thrown around like a bitch – 10 Hours" video
And that obviously isn't the only one, but since it's recent, you would probably be familiar with it. Your decision to selectively release that was definitely inspired, and a good boost to morale as well.
In some other, perhaps concerning news, is the definite rise of anti-alien sentiments globally. Considering the circumstances, this is somewhat understandable, but at the same time, the closest comparison I can make is varying degrees of racism. The lynching and enslaving kind, not the sideways looks and whispers (Which are a lot more prevalent).
One of the most bizarre examples of this is something I'm not actually convinced is supposed to be serious, but has now become the most popular ADVENT subreddit, called The_Chancellor. From what I've found out, the format was based on a fan subreddit for some failed businessman (Which I can only believe was created ironically). Posts there are usually in ALL CAPS, plenty of emoji's, and are a mix of pro-ADVENT, pro-Human, and anti-alien. Imagine a HFY (Humanity Fuck Yeah) group, but in real life.
They also have taken some aspects of Warhammer too. I suppose that any group that calls Saudia "The God-Empress of Mankind" doesn't pose a threat, so that's something. Quisilia also likes posting there, and has the distinguished flair of "Filthy Xeno Scum". He finds it funny.
I would say this is something you want to have ADVENT look into, especially if we're going ahead with the alien integration into ADVENT. Maybe they can curb some of the anti-alien sentiment, or at least focus it on the ones that actually are enemies, like most of the Ethereals and Sectoids. While we want to be proud of our species, treating other aliens badly isn't going to help us in the long run. First impressions are everything, after all.
Ethereals: Alright, this is going to be fairly short since outside of Quisilia, the Ethereals aren't quite as active or interesting. They have largely kept to themselves, and not really caused much of a stir in any major capacity. We have identified Revelean, Sana'Ligna, Fectorian, the Battlemaster, and Sicarius so far, and all I can say is that not much has changed. They stick to what they do/like, and that's it.
No, I didn't forget about Quisilia. He's coming.
Sectoids: Sectoids don't really use the internet. The closest we have been able to definitively identify a Sectoid is one who claimed to be such on an obscure linguistics forum. He said he was 029, which would make sense, but unfortunately we can't verify this since…well, we can't distinguish the pictures of one Hive Commander from another. They all look the same.
Sectoids are a non-issue on the internet. If this changes, I'll let you know.
Vitakara: Mmm, here we go. The Vitakara are still extremely sheltered as far as aliens go, and only the brave are venturing out into the wider internet from the safety of r/Vitakara, but there is a large enough number where we can draw some information about what their interests are and how they use the tool.
The absolute favorite site of Vitakara is YouTube. That is where 90% of Vitakara spend their time, but oddly enough, usually don't sit through entire videos. We're still trying to figure out just what are triggers for their lack of concentration, but even with Vitakara here, we can't really determine that. Vahlen suspects it may be due to a combination of eye strain, restlessness, and the personality of each individual.
Which tells us absolutely nothing. Whatever.
However, should a Vitakara spend enough time, you'll notice that their viewing habits definitely change. The amount of content they consume will be smaller, and focused around a single channel or Youtube personality. They'll begin to watch entire videos instead of clicking away from them, and actually begin to interact with the channel by leaving comments and the like.
As far as we can tell, their focus on personalities/channels appears to be completely subjective. But there always has to be someone on the screen for them to watch. Voiceovers do nothing for them, nor do fancy graphs and images. This, interestingly enough, means many are subscribed to vlog, gaming, and cosmetic channels.
This then has the effect of skyrocketing their number of subscribers and views, since Vitakara share everything with each other, and most Vitakara feel a communal obligation to click on it to see what they find. As far as internet citizens go, Vitakara are the best. On Youtube they will like (They never dislike videos), subscribe, and share every video that they see, even if they never intend to watch anything that channel makes again.
This has completely screwed the algorithms Youtube has, and has led to channels with less than a hundred subscribers receiving forty thousand almost overnight because a Vitakara just happened to click on their video. It's interesting to observe.
Aside from personalities, Vitakara also find us funny. This is notable because this is actually something they will go out of their way to search for. The comedy threads on r/Vitakara are extremely upvoted, and has led to quite a few previously no-name comedians gaining an alien following in the high thousands. The comedy, like the personalities, varies depending on the individual. There isn't a standard kind all of them like, and they have a pretty healthy variety they share.
Oh, the Zararch are still running their operations, although they've sort of pulled back since their disastrous attempt to infiltrate 4chan, and with ADVENT Intelligence hunting them wherever they go. So they sort of just lurk, and hope they learn something useful.
Quisilia: The Ethereal Memelord is getting his own section. Sue me.
Where the hell do I begin?
Well, I can state right now that Quisilia is just as baffling and frustrating as ever. He has not changed a bit. His antics range from shitposting on reddit to taking pictures in secured military facilities while making smart comments, to holding actual stock in the following businesses:
- Youtube
- ADVENT Action Figures
- Viagra
No comments on that last one. Hell if I know.
Quisilia has, much to my disappointment, formed a fanbase of both aliens and Humans, and has been expanding a lot since the last report. He has multiple (And ADVENT observed) sponsorships with various companies that he promotes ironically, and in places which are completely nonsensical, and while constantly making fun of them.
When one particular company complained about this and pulled their deal, Quisilia somehow hacked the company's website and social media accounts, then changed everything into a shrine to "The Great and Glorious Quisilia, Hail be His Name, Amen". Complete with a Quisilia-themed cross and bible.
Addendum: I should note that Quisilia has turned this into merchandise he is selling today. The Quisilia Bible is sadly an actual Bible with his face (helmet?) on it, but it is branded as "Perfect for sharing the Word of Quisilia with your religious friends". He also has similar skins for other religious texts.
This naturally went over very well with various religious denominations, Scientology in particular, (This was before they were shut down by ADVENT) and there was actually legal action brought against him. Quisilia naturally mocked them on all his social media, hacked their site to extol his Divinity, and naturally just made them furious.
Which only made the idiots angrier, and the litigation kept piling up until the site was forced to pull them temporarily. That lasted one day, until Quisilia began posting vlogs of him going into the houses of Scientology leadership and getting their reactions as he tied them up, and then let a venomous snake in the room. All of the lawyers suddenly disappeared as well, and there were five reported deaths.
Everyone went rather quiet after that, and so far no one has dared to really interfere with the Memelord's merchandise. As much of a lovable goofball Quisilia likes to portray himself as, we shouldn't forget that this is an Ethereal that won against a Sovereign Avatar.
So, to get back on topic, the largest expansion has been his Youtube presence, on which he has several different channels. I will also say that Quisilia has a habit of parodying the styles of other creators, using full taglines, fonts, and quotes in a mocking or ironic manner. This has led to some complaints, but most have managed to just accept it.
His channels are the following:
Quisilia Gaming!: This is exactly what it sounds like. Quisilia plays video games, in series known as Let's Plays, where he plays through an entire game and offers his opinion, while other times just ignoring the game and talking about some random unrelated topic. He tends to play shooter games, and visual novels of all things. I am positive he plays the latter ironically.
At least I hope he does.
Quisilia Reacts!: This is actually what I would consider to be a full parody channel. Quisilia just sits there, and will either talk in the most monotone voice ever, or give highly overexaggerated reactions to whatever he is watching. That he always wears his helmet adds to the comedy factor in this. He never offers anything serious, but is highly sarcastic and mocking in all his videos posted here, and usually includes footage of actual reactors (Both the nuclear and channel kinds – obviously) for good measure. Usually to mock as well.
Cooking With Quisilia!: I swear he's just trying to drive ADVENT analysts insane. This is exactly what it sounds like. Quisilia cooks something. The videos will range from ten minutes to an hour since Quisilia shows every single step, and also includes the cooking time. And of course he'll fill the dead air with inane comments, which tend to include covering ADVENT or our own social media.
Some of what he's shown does look good though.
Quisilia Kids!: If you somehow thought Quisilia would only cater to adults, well, you're wrong. He boasts a channel that is 'completely safe for the little ears', and features an array of kid friendly content, which largely seems to be him taking our children's stories and making a thinly disguised alien equivalent. This has led to classics such as "The Three Little Sectoids," "The Little UFO That Could," and "Beauty and the Borelian."
He acts all of these out with little hand puppets, but he definitely still sounds sarcastic a lot of the time, and clearly having fun. And it is funny, until you realize that this is the most popular channel on Youtube Kids.
Quisilia the Great!: This is his first channel, and where he posts his vlogs, which are essentially him sitting in front of a camera and talking about random stuff. Most of the time it'll be a waste of time, and then he'll talk about deployments on Desolan and that makes ADVENT have to watch everything he does in case he says something important. Occasionally he'll bring on guests as well, or show an alien planet. It always depends on whatever he feels like.
My question is how the hell does he have the time to do all of this? His Andromedon intern?
So yeah, that covers the main development of the aliens on the glorious invention we call the internet. I'll show this to our alien residents to see if it's good enough, but all we can really do is make sure they don't change things up too much.
- Ariel Jackson, Central Officer of XCOM
Subject: The Ethereal Memelord (Quisilia)
Occupation: Professional Troll
Video Title: Cooking with Quisilia! Episode 37 – Tacos!
Video opens with a title card with the slightly cartoonish white font "Cooking with Quisilia" with the subtitle "Tacos!" just beneath it. This is displayed over a purple background and accompanied by the respective jingle he made for the show. Title card pulls up.
The setting is once more Quisilia in a standard home kitchen, not even a professional one. Quisilia looks exactly the same as he always does, except he had additional clothing attachments. Specifically an oversized apron which fits naturally on him (With frills along the edges, pink too for that matter), and a chef's hat which appears to be attached via some adhesive, as it sticks up at an angle and clearly does not even attempt to fit over the helmet at all.
Quisilia lifts one hand. "Hello there! Welcome to another episode of Cooking with Quisilia!" A musical jungle accompanies this. "Today we're going to do a fairly popular dish I've come to enjoy called Tacos! Some of you may have heard of these, but today you will learn how to cook them." Quisilia motions to the counter, which has an array of ingredients, including ground beef and various vegetables.
"On a scale of one to ten, I would rate this as a three in level of difficulty." A graphic appears, showing this, and the meat suddenly floats into the air and begins being torn apart. "Now you will first take your ground beef – one pound will do – and defrost it. I've already done that, so I'll lightly tenderize it, and then place it in the pan. There we go!" He places the pan on the stove. "Now while that's warming up, we'll start cutting the vegetables."
Quisilia starts cutting up tomatoes, lettuce, olives, green onions, and avocados while humming some kind of tune. After a few minutes of this, he stops. "There we go, now we'll place them into different bowls so we can access them later. Now we have to make sure the meat is cooked all the way. This will take a few minutes, so feel free to skip ahead since literally nothing will happen." [Observer note: The stove temperature is set to the lowest setting. He is deliberately making this longer.]
Quisilia begins lightly stirring the meat, and turning it over, humming to himself. This continues for approximately fifteen minutes and ten seconds. Quisilia turns and looks right at the camera and waves. "Hello ADVENT! If you want to make this go faster, why not cook along with the video?" [Observer note: Fuck you, Quisilia.]
Quisilia returns to taking forever with his cooking, and approximately twelve minutes and two seconds later, he takes the pan off the stove. "And I think we're done! Now we're going to put everything together. Now, this is what I like, but don't be afraid to add or take stuff off depending on your tastes!" Quisilia assembles the taco in rather fast fashion, utilizing all of his arms to create an expertly crafted soft taco. "Perfect! That, my Human friends, is how you make a taco!"
Quisilia sets the plate with the taco on the counter. "And this concludes today's episode of Cooking with Quisilia! Be sure to tell me what you think of the recipe. So comment below, let me know! As always, if you like what you've seen here and want to see more, click right here to see more!" Video flashes to end slide which has links to his previous episodes, as well as the next one, with the respective playlist. Video ends five seconds later.
Analysis: I just wasted approximately thirty six minutes and twelve seconds watching a goddamn Ethereal make tacos. And not even real tacos either. Soft tacos, the imbecile. Couldn't even be bothered to make the right ones. So yes, what I learned here was how to cook meat and chop vegetables.
That is my official analysis.
My unofficial analysis is that Quisilia is making these just to make us waste as much time as possible.
Why are we made to watch these? Just because we think he displayed Zararch codes in episode 4 doesn't mean that he's going to do it in every episode. And I also would bet my month's salary that those numbers meant absolutely nothing to begin with. Fuck you, Quisilia, go right to whatever the alien equivalent of hell is.
SUBMISSION: To r/xcom [Notable posts]
[52.4K] Quisilia getting thrown into a building!
This post is the now-famous gif of Quisilia being psionically tossed around by the Chronicler. Footage has been slightly cropped and edited to focus only on the Ethereal being thrown around.
[-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 766 points 10 hours ago – stickied comment
I would have all of you know that all of this mockery is very bad for my self-esteem. Heartless humans, have you no concern for your new alien overlords?
I would also like to point out that any other smaller and weaker alien would have died. Even in failure I show the superiority of my species
| [-] jacklyin111 411 points 10 hours ago
| There he is!
|| [-] rob112 311 points 10 hours ago
|| A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.
||| [-] pizzepiebob 412 points 9 hours ago
||| lol, what are you talking about? With how much this guy posts here, it would be more of a surprise if he didn't post something. Hey u/TheGreaterQ go back to r/aww
|||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 517 points 9 hours ago
|||| :( [Embedded is a link to Puss In Boots holding his hat and looking sadly up at the camera]
[-] ABG111 4.3K points 12 hours ago
And that was the moment Quisilia knew that he fucked up.
| [-] TheGreaterQ 811 points 12 hours ago
| Trust me, I figured that out a bit earlier.
|| [-] AJacksonXCOM [XCOM Community Outreach] 1.1K points 11 hours ago
|| Oh, I bet you did. Wish I could have seen your face when it happened.
||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 1K points 11 hours ago
||| MFW I realize I'm fighting a [REDACTED]. [Embedded is a link to "I've got a bad feeling about this" gif]
|||| ABG111 2.1K points 10 hours ago
|||| MFW I have no clue what's going on, but see you getting beat up so I assume it's good. [Embedded is a link to "This is where the fun begins" gif]
||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 211 points 10 hours ago
||||| Hello, what have we here? You wouldn't have ever gone to Australia, have you?
|||||| [-] ABG111 189 points 10 hours ago
|||||| Once or twice.
||||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 111 points 10 hours ago
||||||| Recently?
|||||||| [-] ABG111 121 points 10 hours ago
|||||||| Possibly.
[-] batbar11 1.5K points 15 hours ago
So is no one going to ask just what is throwing around our favorite Ethereal memelord?
Because I don't think he's a pushover like this.
| [-] 1m112 990 points 15 hours ago
| Most likely an XCOM psion. Or he got hit by a MEC really hard. IDK for where, though. First time I've ever seen him fighting before.
|| [-] batbar11 711 points 14 hours ago
|| Australia? Cheekily mentioned it somewhere else. Think whoever filmed it is here lurking as well. But don't know for sure.
Edit: Here's where he mentioned Australia. [Hyperlinks to appropriate comment]
| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 341 points 15 hours ago
| Trust me when I say you don't want to know.
|| [-] WinTrinity-x 516 points 14 hours ago
|| Oh but we do, Quisilia. We really do.
||| [-] TheGreaterQ 111 points 14 hours ago
||| no
|||| [-] jlock088 155 points 14 hours ago
|||| no u
||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 220 points 13 hours ago
||||| dies from such a spectacular comeback
[-] TheGreaterQQ 511 points 13 hours ago
This is what I endure, Humans! Soon all of you shall fall under the might of the aliens!
| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Ethereal Memelord] 2.4K points 13 hours ago
| Yess! I have my first imposter! But let me give you some pointers. First, extolling the virtues of the Collective only makes people irritated. Second, that kind of uncreativity is what the Zar'Chon would post and think it's actually intimidating. Three, why so serious [Embedded is a link to the respective meme]. Four, you didn't use any memes. Fail! Sad!
|| [-] TheGreaterQQ 122 points 12 hours ago
|| I don't know what you're talking about. I am Quisilia, and I believe you are the imposter here.
||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 1.2K points 12 hours ago
||| points to flair.
I think you missed the crucial difference between us. Also, you really suck at this.
|||| [-] TheGreaterQQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 99 points 11 hours ago
|||| And just what were you saying again?
||||| [-] falconfight11 788 points 11 hours ago
||||| This is getting out of hand. Now there's two of them!
||||| ValiantShield20 [MOD] 811 points 10 hours ago
||||| Alright, all of you quit spamming the report button. That's not what it's for. Mr. QQ isn't technically breaking any rules. But there can only be one Quisilia, so I've modified his flair.
Now quit bugging me.
|||||| [-] TheGreaterQQ [Resident Alien Impersonator] 422 points 10 hours ago
|||||| I suppose this is a fair compromise.
||||||| [-] TheGreaterQ [Resident Alien Memelord] 435 points 10 hours ago
||||||| Aww! [Embedded link to a kitten playing] Seeing you trying to emulate me is going to be so cute! I can't wait!
Operation: Internet Cesspool
Division: Human Intelligence
Report Author: Zar'wiaria'borelia
Authorization: Zar'Chon
Zar'Chon,
Upon the initial conception of this plan, I believe all of us thought it was a good idea. Human history has shown that supposed tyrannical organizations like ADVENT would draw out the rebels in Humans. We need not look far to see that Humans will rebel against authority if they feel it is too overbearing. However, with the recent crackdowns of ADVENT, and the unfortunately anti-alien sentiment rising, such refuges are becoming rarer, but in a way, it made our job somewhat easier.
Our best hope lay with 4chan, a Human site with a reputation for not buckling to authority. If there were any Humans that could be subverted and turned against ADVENT, it would be those who inhabited that site. Now, we had very little initial information beyond this when beginning this operation, and the site itself is not exactly intuitive, but we managed to begin posting some threads.
Let us say that the first postings did not help our self-esteem. The Humans have an uncomfortably large vocabulary of insults, including some which I believe are made up. Still, it did not exactly make us feel welcome when there were repeated sexual threats against our mothers, accompanied by Nazi imagery.
If you are not aware why this is not comforting, then I suggest you look that up. That content is beyond the purpose of this document.
Since we were getting surprising pushback to even people saying ADVENT was bad (And to be fair, there were a few who said something along the lines of "yeah, ADVENT isn't the best, but I have memes so jk, lol" and other inane sentences that I struggle to know how these people are supposedly able to operate their computers), we decided to play the role of an "anon" which is a term they use for a leaker of important information.
4chan has, in the past, been home to some sensitive leaked information due to that all postings are supposedly anonymous. So we posted plans for ADVENT which stated that they were going to come and take all firearms away from their citizens. We spent considerable time putting together the document to be as authentic as possible, and for a while, we did get 4chan riled up.
That was until a bunch of other users started posting that they were under an 'alien psyop' and posted the exact location we posted from. Somehow, and we are still not sure how, they were able to trace our posts and from the location, figure out if we were alien or not. Since we posted from Australia…you can see how it came to that conclusion.
Our network was soon bombarded with multiple network attacks, which seemed to be doing nothing except trying to wreck our infrastructure. How these Humans managed to figure out how to hack our systems is concerning, especially since I'm not convinced they were ADVENT, or even working for them. The biggest reason I have for this is the abundance of 'trollface' pictures placed on our computers, and that all of our Human bank proxy accounts were emptied and used to buy copious amounts of chocolate.
In an attempt to try and salvage the situation, I had another agent from another location post a kind of rebellious sentiment, and within a few hours they had already tracked down where the agent was living (Embedded in an ADVENT controlled city), and then acquired video of the safe house, and ADVENT was soon kicking down the door.
Then there was another cyberattack on multiple bases – we're still not sure how they even found them to begin with, and this attack was far, far more psychologically damaging. These 4chan hackers didn't resort to viruses or worms, but instead slowed the network down by forcing our computers to download copious and disgusting amounts of Human pornography.
If you are not aware, pornography is where Humans film or photograph themselves performing sexual actions and then post it publicly if you can actually fathom that. If it was only Human porn, it would have been bad enough, but it also included…for your own sanity, I will not describe it, except that the Battlemaster was right to declare Tumblr a banned site.
I know far more about Human anatomy than I ever wanted to thanks to this, and I'll never be able to look at another one the same way again.
Regardless, considering the system and psychological damage caused by 4chan I shut the entire operation down. It clearly wasn't working, and all the original threads were now filled with porn, anti-alien slurs, and varying degrees of Nazism focusing on 'gassing the aliens'. We sustained enough damage on this operation, and I feel perfectly justified in saying that we should never touch 4chan again until the Humans are conquered.
We have enough enemies here. The last thing we need is 4chan among them.
ADVENT Online Storage Document 992
Target Domain: Reddit
Subreddit: The_Chancellor
Subreddit Tagline: Humanity First and Forever!
Subreddit Focus: Pro-Human - Anti-Alien – Humor
Description: Welcome to the premier subreddit of choice for ADVENT, and the glorious Chancellor of ADVENT, Saudia Vyandar.
Be advised that this subreddit is only for Humans and supporters of our glorious leader. We will have discussions, memes, AMAs, and much more! Also be advised that xenos (aliens) are not welcome here and will be banned unless they register with moderation beforehand.
Please read the rules before contributing to this community.
Subreddit Population: 1,007,154
Notable Top Posts:
[69.2K] I PRESENT TO YOU THE GOD-EMPRESS OF MANKIND! [HUMANITY FOREVER]
Thread Content: This is one thing I can say is legitimately awesome, and is plastered all over the subreddit. This is a piece of art which depicts Chancellor Saudia Vyandar as the God Emperor of Mankind from Warhammer 40K, flanked by the Commander of XCOM, Chief Stein, and Commander Christiaens in similarly inspired regalia, along with similarly modified soldiers in the background. This was, incidentally, the picture which started inspiring everyone in the subreddit to refer to Chancellor Vyandar as the "God-Empress of Mankind" or simply "the God-Empress."
[52k] saudia_vyandar: "Today I have authorized an operation to take back the parts of America which are under alien control. Today they will face the best Humanity has to offer, and the Collective will learn once more the consequences of invading our planet." [CHANCELLOR TWEET]
Thread Content: This subreddit links every single tweet Chancellor Vyandar makes, and many ones made by the official ADVENT twitter as well. This was posted for Operation Sherman, and includes a lot of discussion and excitement around the liberation of America.
[51K]: Get cucked, Quisilia [XENO FILTH]
Thread Content: This is simply the now-famous gif of Quisilia getting thrown against the wall by an unknown adversary. Needless to say there are a lot of people making fun of him on there.
[42K]: Canada is now part of ADVENT! Welcome Canadian friends to the new world order! [HUMANITY FOREVER]
Thread Content: Celebration thread regarding the Canadian annexation, with quite a few calls for ADVENT to annex the rest of the world. Some heated discussion on if the 'cowardly Canadians' should be allowed to receive the full benefits of ADVENT. Some posters wishing ADVENT had been harsher. Posters are recorded and logged for review.
[40]: EU: "We see ADVENT as a clear and present danger to the established order of the world." Guess who they'll come crying too when the aliens invade? [TRAITORS!]
Thread Content: This links to a clickbait website that the majority of users clearly did not read, as the purported quote actually does not exist, and the EU has never made such a statement that even implies as much. They have criticized ADVENT, but never once called it a danger to the world. Website marked for takedown upon submission of this document.
[37K]: It would be a shame if this picture of President Qin partying with his EU friends went public [TRAITORS!]
Thread Content: If you think this sounds fake, you are right. This takes the source from another tabloid website which will soon be penniless, which shows a clearly photoshopped Qin at a party with various EU officials (Who are also photoshopped into it). That there are so many who appeared to believe this is disturbing. You will notice a trend here that people believe that the EU and China are actively trying to sabotage ADVENT.
This is not the case.
[32K]: Amalda Stein: "Aliens have no rights at this time under ADVENT, and will be dealt with as such" [JUDGE STEIN]
Thread Content: Largely includes comments desiring to kill all aliens on sight, and how Stein is such a visionary. For once they got the quote right, but also didn't seem to notice that Stein specifically said "at this time". Which means that if such laws were to be implemented, they would be supported and followed by her.
Flagged several posters who wrote more vivid and violent comments.
[29K]: RED ALERT: China enters the war! Japan being liberated now! [ALIENS BTFO]
Thread Content: Initial thread concerning China working with ADVENT to liberate Japan. Given all of the anti-China fearmongering, there was some degree of speculation what China was really doing, before they all kind of quietly came to the conclusion that Saudia had forced them to do something, and now China was going to be the Best Ally Ever.
They can sure change minds quickly around here. I doubt a psion could do better.
[25K]: EVIDENCE that QUISILIA is an operation run by the ALIENS – NOT CHINA! [XENO FILTH]
Thread Content: The true top minds of Reddit inhabit this sub, I swear. I'll just let Quisilia handle this one:
[-] TheGreaterQ [FILTHY XENO SCUM] 22 points 10 days ago
Shit, you've figured it out. Who could have ever guessed that I was working for the aliens the entire time? I guess you all deserve to know…
I was an alien all along!
[24K]: The_Chancellor welcomes FRANCE as the newest member of ADVENT [HUMANITY FOREVER]
Thread Content: One of the more mild threads where they celebrate France joining ADVENT, with a healthy dose of xenophobia to go along with it.
[22K] MSM STUNNED that ADVENT demands accountability! [HUMANITY FOREVER]
Thread Content: Posted shortly after ADVENT installed their media guidelines. A lot of smug posters thinking that this means no more criticism of ADVENT. It is clear the majority don't know what, exactly, they are talking about.
[20K]: FOOTAGE of alien experiments on us. THESE ANIMALS MUST PAY! [XENO FILTH]
Thread Content: I'll give the rampant murder fantasies in this thread a pass. That video was sickening.
[19K]: LEAKED Chinese Plan to destabilize ADVENT. HOW IS THIS ACCEPTABLE?! [TRAITORS!]
Thread Content: I'm amazed that we never found out about the leaked Chinese plan to destabilize us.
Oh right. Because it didn't exist.
This seems to have been written by the poster, or at least acquired by him. The original document is marked for takedown and the poster is also marked for further analysis.
Notable logged Twitter activity by Quisilia
Posted shortly after the debut of Spectres
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Dec 3, 2016
Well, I see Fectorian is getting to show off his #toys, so I finally get to use these. #engineerng #nanomachines #son #xcom #aliens #memes.
Linked is an image of a high-resolution Spectre head badly photoshopped onto a person with the following caption. "That's a nice army you have there," [Second half of image zooms closer to the face] "It would be a shame if something were to happen to it."
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Dec 3, 2016
Replying to TheGreatQ
And this! #continuation #memes #nanomachines #son
Linked is a variation on the Yo Dawg meme which had a Spectre head in place of Alvin Joiner's, and the following caption. "Yo dawg, I heard you like nanites. So I put some nanite in your nanites so your nanites could make nanites while they nanited."
-X-
No significant activity was reported during this time.
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Nov 20, 2016
This is pretty much how meetings have been going lately. #invasionplans #meetings #zar'chon #me #aliens #xcom #advent
Linked is a variation of the Boardroom Meeting Suggestion template with all major characters having the heads replaced with badly oversized and photoshopped heads of various aliens. The boardroom leader appears to have the helmet of the Imperator (Cannot confirm due to never appearing in person), and the figures from left to right are the following: Isomnum, Quisilia, and Ravarian. The script is as follows:
Leader [Imperator]: "Alright, we need to figure out what the best way to conquer Earth is. What should we be doing?"
Figure 1 [Isomnum]: "Unleashing terror on their citizens?"
Figure 2 [Quisilia]: "Memes and humor?"
Figure 3 [Ravarian]: "An actual comprehensive plan that targets the psychological, physical, and systemic issues that are embedded in Human societies and cultures and leverages our technological and numerical superiority?"
Next panel shows the Imperator looking angrily at Ravarian.
Final panel shows Ravarian being thrown out a window.
XCOM xcom – Nov 20, 2016
Replying to TheGreatQ
I think this is more accurate than you want to admit. #incompetent
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Nov 20, 2016
#2me_irl4me_irl
-X-
No significant activity reported during this time
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Dec 15, 2016
A reminder that if you don't want the standard, boring ADVENT (ha!) calendar, you can buy the actually creative and excellent Quisilia™ ADVENT calendar, which has a different picture of yours truly every day until Christmas! #stockingstuffer #christmas #merch #promotion #advent #religious #1buyequals1prayer
Linked is his site, specifically to the Quisilia ADVENT Calendar™ which has a little Christmas house that you open little doors to every day to reveal a new picture of Quisilia. All pictures of Quisilia are exactly the same, except with a different Instagram filter. Price is $4.99, not including shipping and handling.
ADVENT ADVENT_PR – Dec 15, 2016
Replying to TheGreatQ
If you look very closely, you'll see that all of the images are the same with little filters. If you actually wish to properly participate in the celebration of one of the important holidays of Humanity, use the officially designed and packed with value ADVENT Calendar, with a free action figure you can select on checkout!
Linked is the official ADVENT merchandise store showing the more elaborately designed ADVENT Calendar, with each day showing a highly detailed and rendered pictures of various ADVENT officials and soldiers, with larger pictures for framing also included. Action figures shown as well. Price is $19.99 not including shipping and handling.
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Dec 15, 2016
Replying to ADVENT_PR
I was on the fence, but then I saw the free action figure and I'm sold! Everyone go buy one of these too! #actionfigure #advent #marketing #subversivemarketing
-X-
Also no major activity. Except Christmas coming.
Quisilia TheGreatQ - Dec 18, 2016
If you're not sure what to get your religious friend for Christmas, today I am going to recommend the Quisilia Branded™ Bible, which includes a brand new cover, and additional Quisilia Commentary inside on the nature of religion and Christianity! Note that NONE of the original text has been altered, although I will frequently point out the things that were cut out 'for some reason'. #christmas #religion #christianity #gifts! #thinkingemoji #marketing
Linked is Quisilia's merchandise site, which had the Quisilia Branded™ Bible, which has a very ornate and white cover with gold stylized lines running along it, and the center is a stylized interpretation of Quisilia's helmet, with crosses on all four sides. Price is $9.99, not including shipping and handling. Translated in over 150 languages (Note: Many of these languages are ones which do not have official biblical translations, and ironically are bought extensively by missionaries for this reason) and ebook version included for free!
Current sales are over thirty million, not including only ebook versions or pirated copies.