ADVENT | History
The Sealandic Conflict
"What the fuck is Sealand? And why were we at war with them?"
- Commander Laura Christiaens, upon hearing of the Sealandic Conflict
ADVENT Operational Proposal 209
Operation: Copper Crown
Author: Lieutenant Val Kennedy, Second British Legion
Recipients: Corporal Leonard Khan, Second British Legion
OVERVIEW: I will first begin by saying that the average individual, including those who will likely read this, have no idea what the Principality of Sealand is, nor should they outside of being a part of jokes in certain YouTube channels. The greater question is why, exactly, ADVENT has decided to assign individuals (me) to determine a legitimate military and political strategy against the 'nation'.
However, I shall fulfill my assignment to the best of my abilities.
Sealand is sometimes designated as the smallest nation in the world. This is incorrect on two fronts. Sealand is actually not composed of any land, but an offshore platform, nor is it recognized as an actual nation, and in fact resides in the territorial waters of the United Kingdom. Technically, it is already a part of ADVENT, though in practice neither ADVENT nor the United Kingdom have sought to enforce this.
It has a truly ludicrous history, with the most substantive event being an 'invasion' of Sealand by a business partner of the man who 'founded' Sealand (who quite curiously did not live there all that often), who hired mercenaries, took the son hostage. The son somehow managed to turn the tables and hold the kidnapper (and mercenaries!) captive, and it ended with the German government having to negotiate the release of the individual (who was German).
Said individual then established the Sealand Government in Exile in Germany, and appears to still exist, as well as proclaim they are the rightful rulers of Sealand.
I am not making this up.
This is not getting into the potential criminal activities that Sealand is involved in, including passport fraud, money laundering, and other illicit means of monetary acquisition. Sealand has several unorthodox revenue streams, including the selling of royal titles and knighthoods online, which are happily bought up by social media personalities as a joke and others who want to impress gullible guests.
The original founder of Sealand passed away (not on Sealand of course), and named his son, Harvey Bates, as Prince of Sealand, who lives there (sometimes) with his family and a small corps of mercenaries. There are a few business associates who regularly visit the platform, though usually do not stay longer than necessary.
To sum this whole ridiculous situation up as best I can, this is a mixture of a joke that's gone too far, and a rich family with too much money, and not enough brainpower.
And ADVENT wants to bring them into the fold without too much drama. I can already predict that this will be far easier said than done.
JUSTIFICATION: Truthfully, the only reason I can find why ADVENT suddenly took an interest is because, of course, Quisilia. Several days ago, Quisilia posted that he was now a proud Lord and Knight of Sealand, and encouraged his Twitter followers to support the nobility in maintaining their independence from the 'Imperialist ADVENT'.
Communications intercepted by ADVENT Intelligence confirm that Quisilia directly reached out to Prince Bates, inquiring as to how much it would cost to buy the platform outright, and to transfer the title of Supreme Overlord of All of Sealand to him. Prince Bates, thankfully, is a right proper arrogant prick, and demanded almost ten trillion pounds, which even Quisilia balked at.
There remains a non-insignificant chance that Quisilia will just go over to the platform and take it over directly and post it on YouTube, and frankly, we'd prefer not to have that vulnerability so close to an ADVENT nation – especially near unassimilated nations in Europe. Thus, if we can convince Prince Bates to – formally – join with ADVENT, we can install individuals on Sealand to ensure the platform is not directly tampered with.
APPROACH: I suggest the usage of the Diplomatic Corps to reach out to Prince Bates, who acts as the primary representative of Sealand. He is actually living on Sealand now that the United Kingdom is part of ADVENT, and appears to have fled after the Referendum. Why, I don't know, as it only drew attention to him, but I digress.
Speaking with several ADVENT legal authorities, there were a very limited number of concessions that we can offer the Principality. We cannot offer them representation in the Congress of Nations, as technically they are not a country, and no one wants to treat this as anything more than the joke it is. However, we will be diplomatic about this.
I have received legal confirmation that it would be possible to recognize Sealand as a state of the United Kingdom, and provide representation in the national congress. This is the extent of what can be extended to Sealand. In return, Sealand would come under ADVENT law and follow established regulations.
This would include the abolishment of the monarchy or the transference of power to a diplomatic and duly elected body. Due to how few people live on Sealand, this should theoretically not take long. While I personally think this is far too rewarding for what is clearly a joke, ADVENT would accept it and the Diplomatic Corps are prepared to reach out.
The issue will likely come from the fact that Prince Bates is an arrogant and delusional individual who firmly believes in the sovereignty of Sealand, and has said "I will fight to the death to protect my beloved Sealand and her citizens, as will my loyal soldiers."
The soldiers he refers to are mercenaries, and communications reveal that they are not willing to die for a platform built in the middle of the sea. It is unknown if Prince Bates is aware of this or not.
REQUIRED OUTCOME: That the Principality of Sealand officially joins ADVENT, is provided national congressional representation, and that there is a transition of power from the monarchy to a diplomatic organ. This should, in theory, be done without violence or bloodshed.
CONTINGENCIES: I hesitate to elaborate on this, as there is virtually no chance that Sealand will not become part of ADVENT eventually, but I shall oblige the template:
Contingency 1 | Prince Bates Does Not Negotiate: This is actually likely, in which case, we shall declare Sealand as a hostile state, and annex it. I estimate that based on the defenses in place, it will take approximately (1) ADVENT soldier(s) to fully capture the platform. The operation should take no more than (1) day(s) and lead to the successful capture of Prince Bates.
We seriously do not need more than a single soldier to take this platform. We don't even need a special forces operative. Literally one standard could take this joke of a 'country'. Please do not waste the valuable time of our important soldiers. This whole situation is already wasting time we could be devoting to something actually important.
Contingency 2 | Quisilia Buys/Captures Sealand: As mentioned before, there is a possibility that – either as a joke or for serious purposes – Quisilia buys or otherwise takes control of Sealand. Given the proximity to ADVENT and other Human nations, this is a direct threat to State security, and an appropriate psionic force would need to be quickly mobilized in response.
I don't think we have to wonder should this happen though. He'll not waste the opportunity to post it on his social media. Or livestream it. Either way, if he does this, we'll know about it very fast.
Correspondence sent to the official Email of the Prince of Sealand, Harvey Bates
To His Royal Majesty,
I am emailing you on behalf of the Diplomatic Corps of ADVENT. We have attempted to contact you through several different and more personal means, though you have proved difficult to reach without breaching the platform of Sealand itself. I assure you that we only mean to talk and discuss the possibility of cooperation between ADVENT and the Principality of Sealand.
As a head of state, I imagine that you are as deeply concerned about the alien threat as others around the world, and have doubtless made preparations to defend the good citizens of Sealand. This conflict is one which is only going to continue to spread across the world, including, sadly, to the continent of Europe, and the shores of Sealand.
ADVENT recognizes and appreciates the struggle your platform has undergone in the past and the harrowing events that have been experienced. It is a history worthy of being recorded and shared, and ADVENT wishes to help elevate Sealand to the status it rightfully deserves in the history books.
The great warriors of Sealand would be welcome in our fight against the aliens, and we would of course be ready to use our own forces to protect the Principality. We ask that you respond as soon as possible, as we are eager to work to reach a resolution.
Sincerely and humbly,
- Anya Williams | Diplomat | ADVENT Diplomatic Corps
-x-
To the honored diplomat of ADVENT,
Greetings from the great nation of Sealand. I am pleasantly surprised and heartened by your offer of brotherhood and friendship, as such seems to be a lessened commodity these days, as nation turns against nation, and brother turns against brother. I confess that ADVENT has not given a good first impression, as it reminds me of the old imperial powers; the ones who attempted to deny us the land of Sealand, and that which we fought to take for our own.
I do not think you have comprehended the hardships our family has suffered under the cruel and inhumane treatment of the courts of the United Kingdom. Yet for a commoner, it is, perhaps, unsurprising to be ignorant of such sacrifices. Yet if ADVENT is willing to come before me humbly, then I shall hear them out.
I will, of course, never bow to the imperial power. You may have conquered and tricked the United Kingdom into joining your empire, but you will find the great nation of Sealand will not succumb to the demands and threats. We are a wholly independent and sovereign nation, and we shall never bow nor kneel to ADVENT.
I am well aware of the aliens, and contrary to your own assertions, I have found several of them to be pleasant communication. However, they were similarly unwilling to compromise and work with me. They made requests and when my demands were given, they slunk away like the common worms they were.
I hope that ADVENT holds enough self-respect to treat the nation of Sealand as full equal. Should ADVENT wish to work with us, I shall lay out my demands, as decreed by the Prince of Sealand. We demand a dedicated Legion of ADVENT soldiers to protect our borders. We demand a seat in the Congress of Nations. We demand to be fully recognized as a sovereign nation by the international community, with all of the surrounding sea as legally ours. Finally, we demand to retain our monarchy and our rule over Sealand.
These are our demands. Nothing less shall be accepted.
- His Royal Majesty, Prince Harvey Bates of the Nation of Sealand | "E Mare Libertas!"
-x-
Prince Bates,
I remain very pleased that you have responded so quickly, and that you share a willingness to work with ADVENT for the good of Sealand and mankind. I have spoken to my superiors, and have determined what can be offered and accepted from the requests you have made. In such a negotiation, it will be impossible for each side to get exactly what they want, but we shall endeavor to fulfill your requests as much as we are able.
First, we are willing to recognize Sealand as a full region of the United Kingdom, and Sealand would be granted representation in the state and national governments – legitimate political power befitting the great principality. We cannot, unfortunately, recognize Sealand as a full nation, as it lacks several criteria that are necessary for such assignment. We apologize, but this is the best we can legally do. As such, this will also mean that we cannot grant Sealand a seat in the Congress of Nations.
Should Sealand fully join ADVENT, you will be granted approximately five Squads of ADVENT soldiers to protect the lands and borders of Sealand. Due to the limited size of the principality, you can understand that we cannot devote up to eighty thousand soldiers to protect such a small plot of land, even one as important as Sealand. However, the ADVENT soldiers who will be assigned will be more than willing to protect your great platform.
Finally, we will not be able to permit the Monarchy of Sealand to retain control over the Principality of Sealand. Legally, it is against ADVENT law, and exceptions cannot be granted. We would be more than willing to assist in a democratic transition of power and determine the best means to incorporate the Monarchy into a cultural and historical role. It is a part of your history, and we will of course respect that it be taught to future generations of Sealanders.
We await further correspondence.
- Anya Williams | Diplomat | ADVENT Diplomatic Corps
-x-
To the Commoner of ADVENT,
I confess that I needed to read the words you put to this digital paper twice, as I could not believe that such drivel was approved to send to an individual such as myself. I had expected, perhaps, a light rebuffing. I am not an unreasonable person, and could live with some of my demands being bent.
You have instead taken my generous offer of friendship and spat in my eye. Your words are an insult not simply to myself, but all proud Sealanders. Sealanders who respect independence and respect from their peers – and ADVENT is no peer, but a common imperial thug, dressed up in pretty words.
I warned you that I would not fall so easily like the British.
What you offer to me is not equality as a sovereign nation, but as a vassal state to ADVENT – and not just to ADVENT, but a vassal state to the British! Do you think me a fool, commoner? Do you think me so easily insulted? That I am a dog which shall take continuous beatings like a slave.
God forbid I, Prince Harvey Bates, do anything to this insulting document but tear it up and cast it into the ocean. Which I did! However, the modern Internet has condemned me to know that your words will remain a stain in my computer's memory for eternity. No matter, for you can consider this the end of our negotiations, as you have insulted me so gravely.
Sealand will never capitulate to ADVENT. Take that to your lords, sniveling commoner.
- His Royal Majesty, Prince Harvey Bates of the Nation of Sealand | "E Mare Libertas!"
-x-
Mr. Bates,
I will be very blunt. We are both adults and there is a war going on right now. We can drop the role playing as aristocrats for this single correspondence. I will lay out the situation quickly and cleanly for your reading convenience.
Simply put, the amount of leverage you have is zero. At this moment ADVENT has the power to send a team of Peacekeepers to Sealand and arrest you and your entire family and charge you with illegal occupation of government land. We have your correspondences with the Ethereal Quisilia, which is enough justification for direct military intervention.
However, ADVENT is not unreasonable, and we would prefer to work with you. This is, simply put, the best you are going to get. While I understand that change can be hard, you are far from the only one who has experienced upheaval in this war. Be thankful a few less-than-respectful emails is the worst of what you have received. Many others have lost their lives or loved ones. Have some perspective.
Again – I will repeat – you have no leverage or power. We are negotiating with you because it is the right thing to do, not because we must. Please work with us, and we will work with you. Understand that if you do not, we will be forced to take more permanent measures.
Please consider carefully your next actions.
Sincerely,
- Anya Williams | Diplomat | ADVENT Diplomatic Corps
-x-
And so, the mask comes off,
I see you, ADVENT commoner. I did not realize they kept such brainless individuals in their employ. I have repeatedly stated that Sealand will not capitulate to ADVENT, or any foreign power! Get that through your pathetic commoner head! Your tirade of threats has not swayed me, nor will it.
But I shall not go quietly into the night.
You have chosen this path, ADVENT. We are prepared to go to war.
- His Royal Majesty, Prince Harvey Bates of the Nation of Sealand | "E Mare Libertas!"
FROM THE PRINCIPALITY OF THE PRINCE OF SEALAND
SEAL OF THE PRINCE OF SEALAND
Across the shores of the great nation of Sealand, an enemy has stirred and shown its ugly face to the world. It is a face of imperial conquest and tyrannical rule. It is a face of deception and lies. It is a face which smiles deceptively while holding a knife behind the back, waiting to plunge it into the back of the gullible.
It is the face of ADVENT, the imperial nation which is bent on conquering the world and bringing it under their sole rule. Nation after nation has stood cowed before these common folk; cringing at the fake power they project. But ADVENT is made up of none but craven puppets and toothless armies. They lack the will and resolve to fight a true war, and it is time that the world stood and recognized ADVENT for the hollow power that it is.
One Sealander has the passion and will to fight of ten thousand ADVENT soldiers, for they do not fight for their homes and the Nobility, but they fight for the power of a faceless state which will dispose of them like the refuse that they are. They elevate the commoner while the Principality only bestows the ranks of nobility upon the most able and worthy.
It is by the decree of the Prince of Sealand that we declare WAR against the state of ADVENT, and will be mobilizing our defenses. We are prepared to take the lead in the war of liberty and freedom which shall define the Human race for centuries to come. I call upon all of the Knights of the Sovereign Military Order of Sealand to come forth and defend your country! I call upon all of the Dukes and Duchesses, Lords and Ladies, Barons and Baronesses, and Counts and Countesses, all who have been so generously granted titles, to come forth and stand with your homeland.
Stand for your people!
Stand for your pride!
Stand for Sealand!
HIS ROYAL MAJESTY, PRINCE HARVEY BATES OF THE PRINCIPALITY OF SEALAND
E MARE LIBERTAS
ADVENT Military After-Action Report 3100
Operation: Royal Clown
Author: Lancer Oakley Henderson
Recipients: Lieutenant Val Kennedy; Corporal Leonard Khan
In an age where we are staving off an alien invasion and no shortage of incredible and uncharted events have taken place, the Principality of Sealand declaring war against ADVENT was, admittedly, not something any of us expected. This will someday be put into the history books as the 'forgotten war' because almost no one knew it happened.
Yet I, as one of the few participants in this hallowed event, will tell my tale.
(Lieutenant, forgive me for not taking this seriously. It's fucking Sealand, and you have no idea just how ludicrous this whole situation was).
Operational Procedure: I was approached alone, for a mission only for the bravest and most skilled of the Lancer Corps. News was revealed to me, words which sent a shiver down my spine.
"Sealand has declared war on us."
This, clearly, changed everything. We were already threatened by the very advanced and dangerous Ethereal Collective, but hearing that the great Principality of Sealand had also become our enemy? Hope was beginning to fade, and the mood was grim. We knew this could be a turning point. That was where I came in.
The call had been put out, and the Knights of Sealand were being recalled, and all of the Royal Court was similarly being mobilized on a scale never before taken place in Sealand's history. ADVENT had already acted of course, performing actions such as 'securing the borders' and 'cutting off Sealand's internet', but we knew these were only temporary measures, because left unchecked, Sealand would grow unstoppable.
It needed to be cut off at the source – Prince Bates. The arch nemesis of ADVENT. The mastermind of Sealand's infallible strategy. He was the target. If he could be arrested, ADVENT could yet be saved.
Resources were tight, and the majority needed to be saved for the war effort against the aliens. Some people in ADVENT believed – foolishly – that Sealand posed no threat to ADVENT, and that sending in the British Legion would be "An incredible waste of time and resources. Just send a Lancer and get it over with."
Such dismissal of Sealand was dangerous, yet I needed to make do with the tools I had. I was given a jet ski which I would use to traverse the treacherous waters to Sealand, and a further restriction was imposed upon me – I could only use nonlethal weaponry.
(Lieutenant, tempting as it would have been to shoot all of these idiots, it really was unnecessary, and exactly none of the people on that platform were willing to 'die for the glory of Sealand'.)
I alone was to storm the shores of Sealand, capture the Prince, and put an end to this war and save ADVENT from certain defeat. I knew it was a suicide mission, but this is what I trained for. This is the duty of all those who protect ADVENT. With a heavy heart, I saluted my superior (while holding in laughter) and marched away, to begin the operation.
Sealand "Defenses": The day was overcast – fitting for the day of conflict as the war began. With my weapons in tow, and armor strapped tightly, I started up my jet ski and began my initial reconnaissance of the platform. Intelligence had revealed that there were roughly three dozen Sealandic soldiers (mercenaries, probably former Blackwater based on their lack of competence) wielding conventional ballistic weapons.
One would think that the enhanced properties of Lancer armor, as well as my own genetic modifications which would turn bullets into mild bruises would mean that what I was facing was the equivalent of children with foam swords – but that would be wrong! I would not be so overconfident as to assume that victory was assured.
As I circled the platform, I noted that there were no automated defenses or AA turrets. Such were certainly concealed, or I had struck at the right time, before they had been deployed. If so, I needed to take advantage of this opportunity. Taking out my megaphone, and also synching with his loudspeaker system which ADVENT had – through great effort – managed to hijack.
I gave a plea of brotherhood and humanity to the foes a short distance away from me; I appealed to the noble history and culture of Sealand. I tried to say that violence and war did not need to happen. For it was not too late for peace to prevail. I heard a shout in response from one of the Sealandic 'soldiers' – "Shut up!" Followed by the sound of a single gunshot which plinked into the ocean a good twenty meters away.
It was, indeed, the shot heard around the world. The war had truly begun.
Peace was no longer an option, and I prepared for the invasion to begin. But lo, I heard a sound on the horizon, and turned to see a most truly unexpected sight.
The Intervention of the Sealandic Rebel Government: I saw no fewer than a dozen jet skis charging towards me – but they were not hostile. A trumpet blared the Sealandic anthem, and they were dressed in a mixture of haphazard 'military' gear one would buy if they didn't know what actual military gear was.
On the back of the leading jet ski flew the Sealandic flag. They quickly approached me, explaining that they had heard that the 'illegitimate Sealandic government' had declared a war against ADVENT, and that they were the Sealandic Rebel Government – the rightful rulers of Sealand, and they were fully committed to helping retake the nation for ADVENT.
(This actually happened, Lieutenant, I swear this whole event was a Quisilia fever dream)
I welcomed the brave warriors, even as I was uncertain as to how they even knew the war had been declared. But I knew I was no longer alone, and my heart swelled as the Prime Minister of the Sealandic Rebel Government, Rhys Foster, ordered in a high-pitched voice – "Charge", followed by the cheers of the loyal Sealandic rebels. Jet skis roared, as together we charged the platform.
(From what I could determine, I presume they figured it out from the Sealand twitter page which also officially declared war. Probably figured this was going to happen pretty soon. Their speed was actually impressive.)
Reaching the shores of Sealand, we used ropes and grappling hooks to scale the platform walls. It was hard and grueling (about half of the Sealandic Rebels lost their grip and fell back into the ocean), yet we overcame, even as we did not brave enemy fire. When we reached the top, we realized that there had been another unexpected development.
The Coup of Heir Apparent Reanu: On the platform was pure chaos, as we heard shouting and grunting. To our utter surprise, the son of Prince Bates – Reanu – had presumably launched a coup against his father for control over Sealand. Roughly a third of the 'soldiers' had joined him, and they were engaged in intense hand-to-hand fighting with the men they had once called brothers.
Questions will no doubt be raised as to why the 'soldiers' did not use their rifles or indeed, any other less-advanced weapons such as 'grenades' and 'knives'. If one was being conspiratorial, one might even believe that none of the 'soldiers' were actually fighting for the side they were on, due to how weak the punches thrown were, and the relative slowness of their movements.
Such conspiratorial thoughts did not, of course, apply to both Prince Bates and Heir Apparent Reanu, both of whom were cheering as their own 'soldiers' fought against each other, with both shouting encouragement to them. The situation had changed, and I quickly processed this information, and with Prime Minister Foster at my side, I gave the order.
"Subdue the Prince!"
Resolution and Arrest of Prince Harvey Bates: There were still two dozen 'soldiers' who stood in my way. Sealanders who were clearly fighting with everything they had to protect their Prince. I pulled out my ARC rifle, and began shooting. It only took moments for them to realize ADVENT had arrived, and apparently had missed us climbing over the platform.
Briefly holstering my rifle, I pulled out my megaphone and made another request that they surrender, and with the other I pulled out my stun baton and began striking each 'soldier' who stood in my path to the Prince. Many a Sealandic soldier fell to my baton, while others backed off and surrendered – and were subdued by the Sealandic Rebel Government.
The Prince screamed for his 'soldiers' to defend him, with such battle cries as "Shoot him! Shoot him now!" and "What am I paying all of you for!" and finally "I'll take you on myself!" Ignoring my pleas for surrender, he put on his brass knuckles, and demanded a fair fight. Mano-e-mano. It was a gauntlet thrown down. Honor demanded that I participate.
This was the fight which would determine the fate of Sealand. The pressure was on.
I offered to remove my helmet, and he accepted it, and we were both wearing some degree of body armor (his significantly inferior to mine), so the fight was fair. I put my weapons down, and prepared to face the Prince. I stood still as a statue, calculating my moves as the Prince wheezed and gasped as he charged me – clearly a feint as the alternative was that he was horribly out of shape.
His fist swung, and collided with my cheek. However, he was unaware of my genetic modification – the Sealandic Intelligence Service must not have learned of this – and I heard a sharp crack and high-pitched scream of pain, and beheld that he had dislocated or broken the fingers of his punching hand against my face.
Sensing my opportunity, I picked him up by the scruff of his neck. "In the name of ADVENT," I proclaimed. "You are under arrest!" The fight gone from him, I put him in handcuffs and the Prince of Sealand had been captured and the war was over.
Operational Outcome: I am certain that you realize this was a truly harrowing event, probably equivalent to the Cold War in how it could have threatened ADVENT, but the worst was avoided, and peace fell upon Sealand. The clouds cleared, and a direct ray of sunshine shone down upon us, the brave soldiers who fought in this conflict. I also believe a dove descended from the heavens, or perhaps it was just a seagull.
Nonetheless, the fact remained that Sealand was now under ADVENT control. Heir Apparent Reanu insisted that his father had been unreasonable, and that he was fully willing to concede to ADVENT's negotiated requests. Prime Minister Foster scoffed at this, saying that the Nobility had forfeited the right to any sort of rule, and that the Sealandic Rebel Government was reclaiming its rightful place as the rulers of Sealand.
I stated that who would be getting Sealand was a matter for the wise and fair legal experts of ADVENT to determine, and I put them in contact with the relevant entities. They seemed to accept this temporary compromise, and while it remains unknown who will sit upon the Sealandic throne, all of us can sleep soundly at night, knowing that Sealand is now part of ADVENT.
And as for me? Well, after delivering the deposed Prince Bates to the Peacekeepers, I have returned to my unit, and await the call of duty once again, be they alien or terran threat to ADVENT.
[Lieutenant, if you could, please release a copy of this to me. I think some of the guys would get a kick out of it]
[Lancer Henderson - While normally there are several elements of this report that go against the expected professionalism and factual recounting we expect from our operatives, I also recognize this was not an ordinary event, and the difficulty of treating this event as anything other than the ludicrous fever dream that it was. Your request will be fulfilled and the report will stand as written.
You will also receive the first and only Sealand Campaign patch. ADVENT thanks you for your service and sacrifice. | Lieutenant Kennedy]
ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE: Copy of After-Action Report 3100 released to Lancer Oakley Henderson | Authorization: Lieutenant Val Kennedy, Second British Legion
A/N: Inspired by an offhand comment by Gojira, one of my readers. This is all their fault. Happy April 1st. Hope this made you smile.
- Xabiar