Chapter 7
You're Too Damn Important
A/N: It's chapters like these that take me forever to edit. Which makes me wonder why it's so easy to write chapters that are easily over 10,000 words for this story.
Going through previous chapters, I noticed how I didn't mention in Chapter 5 that I DO NOT OWN the song Emalina sings towards the end. The song, if some don't know, is "Call of Silence," which is from AoT Season 2. I wanted to make note now that I hold no copyright and am simply using a song reference from the AoT anime.
There are spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen the OVA Episode 3.25 "The Sudden Visitor: The Tortuous Curse of Youth," you have been warned.
Disclaimer: Attack on Titan does not belong to me. I only own Emalina and any other OC's.
~ oOo ~
Previously on Silence Has Been My Only Friend
"You should be nicer to your mom, Jeanie-boy – ah, I mean Jean," Eren says calmly, standing straight from picking the apples from the floor. Moving to face the cadet, my eyes still narrowed, I opened my mouth to yell at the suicidal maniac when Emalina appeared in my peripherals, making her way up the stairs in my direction. Just seeing her beauty grace my vision could vanish the ill feelings coursing my being, engulfing my senses until the darkness momentarily vanished.
I closed my lips as she opened hers, a dangerous growl erupted from her mouth as she stated my name, her words laced with rage and a violence Emalina rarely exerted. "Jean Kirschtein!" Approaching my side, my female friend merely stood, her blue eyes darkening to a shade I'd never seen. I wanted to formulate a question, but something scolded my conscious to keep my lips tightly shut; typically, my conscious was right, and this moment was no different. It wasn't until Emalina moved with rapid speed as her hand caressed my cheek in a kiss of skin against skin. The electrical blow of her palm left behind a scorching sting as it reverberated against the stone hall, vibrating my ears, forcing my head to turn without permission.
"YOU...YOU IDIOT!"
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Emalina
My hand was frozen in place, still in the air after my skin collided against Jean's cheek, the stinging of my palm the only notification that I had just struck my best friend. As the cliché goes, a pin drop could be heard across the Mess Hall as it was that silent. I dared not glance at those surrounding us, knowing our comrades were switching their gazes between the Jean and I. Who were they to look at? Me, the one who struck my friend? Or Jean, the one whose fists were tightening at his side. Inhaling a deep breath, I finally lowered my hand, not knowing what else to do.
"Emalina..." His voice was so quiet, our eyes seeking each other. "Ema, I'm sorry," he pleaded.
Shaking my head, I grasped the door handle, clenching and unclenching my fingers as I decided how to answer. Before I exited the hall, my voice was able to mutter, "I'm not the one who needs to hear your apology, Jean." With the door slamming shut behind me, I inhaled another breath before quickly moving my feet through the winding corridors of Headquarters, searching for Mrs. Kirschtein. It didn't take my long before I saw the edge of her skirt whisk around a corner as I jogged to catch up with her, my voice echoing against the stone.
"Mrs. Kirschtein!"
The women froze as she turned at the call of her name, noticing me as I stopped in front of her. I could see the redness surrounding her eyes and though I didn't know the woman, I suddenly wanted to give her a hug. Timidly, she asked, "Yes...? Can I help you?"
"My name's Emalina, I'm a friend of your son, Jean."
The mere mention of friend and Jean in the same sentence had the woman's eyes brightened instantly. "Oh, oh my! Truly? Wait...you, you said your name was Emalina, correct?" I nodded to confirm as she reached into her apron and retrieved a letter, glancing at the writing on the front before handing it to me. "You're truly Emalina Varlen?" Nodding once more, I took the letter, holding it within my hands not knowing what I was supposed to do. "Jeanie-boy...ahem...Jean, my son, has written about you; this was his most recent letter, even though it was from a few months ago."
Moving my gaze between her and the letter, I slowly opened the envelope and pulled the paper from inside and immediately recognized Jean's handwriting. I skimmed the contents, quickly realizing Mrs. Kirschtein was indeed correct; in fact, a majority of the letter was about me specifically.
Do you remember my friend Emalina I mentioned before? Mom, this girl is amazing, and I am lucky to call her my best friend (besides Marco, of course). She's an incredible soldier and really knows what she's doing; she'll stop at nothing to help her comrades, putting their needs before hers. She's been through a lot and it's taken some time but I think she trusts me as I trust her. I've never had a friendship like this mom, and it's different than Marco's. I keep thinking why but I'm not understanding what's happening. She makes me a better person. Hell, she believes in why I'm a soldier and doesn't criticize me.
I've never had a friend like her.
Reading the same content several times, I finally moved my vision away, looking up at Jean's mother. She noticed my expression as she smiled. "I know," she said. "I didn't think it was my own son who was writing to me as he's very short with words."
Smiling, I folded the letter and handed it back as Mrs. Kirschtein. Opening my mouth, I wanted to say what was on my mind, the whole reason I had chased after her and left Jean in the Mess Hall. "Mrs. Kirschtein...I'm sorry for what Jean said to you and how you were treated."
Startled, Mrs. Kirschtein held her hands closer to her chest. "My dear, are you apologizing on behalf of my son?"
"I, well...I wouldn't consider apologizing for him, merely that I'm sorry it happened."
Swiping a finger under her eyes, Jean's mother could do nothing but smile at me. "Oh my dear, please tell me you will remain my son's friend? I've never seen him speak of another in such a way! He's never been one for friends; I don't even think he's ever had a friend that was female."
Slightly chuckling at this information, I eased her worries. "I'm not going to un-friend your son, Mrs. Kirschtein. He's been...he's not only been my friend, he's the..." Losing my words, I suddenly realized I didn't have any words to speak on what Jean was to me. He was my friend, obviously, but that couldn't have been it, could it? Jean acted differently when we were together and it couldn't have simply been because I'm a female. "Mrs. Kirschtein," I began. "You son is the reason I'm still alive."
Gasping, the woman could do nothing but widen her eyes, waiting for me to explain my words; and so, I explained the accident earlier in the year and how I would have died from the fall if Jean hadn't caught me in time. When I finished, she pulled a handkerchief from a pocket and dabbed her eyes. I pleaded for her not to cry but the woman insisted it was happy tears. "I'm just so incredibly proud of my son."
Smiling, a thought suddenly entered my mind as I tenderly reached for her arm. "Do you have some time? I'd like to show you something." Mrs. Kirschtein nodded her head as I directed her around Headquarters until we were outside nearing the stables. Walking through the one I was in earlier this afternoon, I beamed at the animals we passed, wishing I could pet and play with them all day long. When we neared the birthing stall towards the end, Mrs. Kirschtein saw the foal and was grinning at the adorable creature.
"The black mare is Midnight, and this beautiful little girl is Galaxy."
"My goodness they're both adorable! And the baby, how old is she?!"
"Just a few hours old. I delivered her this afternoon."
"You did...there's no way! Really?!" Beaming with pride, I stared at Galaxy who was happily suckling his evening meal while his mother enjoyed her bale of hay.
"Yes ma'am. You see, I grew up around horses and have assisted with birth numerous times. We were all in the Mess Hall for lunch when a friend from the Scout Regiment stated Midnight was in labor and the person who usually assists wasn't here. So, I stepped in and did what I needed to do. With your son's help, of course."
Turning towards me with wide eyes, Mrs. Kirschtein blinked and I wasn't sure if she heard me correctly or not. "Did you just say...that my son helped with the birth of this baby horse?"
"Yes ma'am," I repeated. "In a...technical sense, that is. I wanted minimal contact between Midnight and my friends so I was the only one in the stall when she actually delivered Galaxy, but he and our comrades helped with getting supplies and anything I needed. And, oh! Before the birth, Jean felt the horse's tummy and could feel the baby kick; he said it was incredible! – oof!" Mrs. Kirschtein threw her arms around my frame, pulling me close; her limbs shook and I knew she shed a few tears. My arms around her and I gave the woman as much time as she needed. When she pulled away, the woman held a huge smile across her face, one that I copied as she looked once more at the mother and foal.
"Emalina...I don't even know you, yet from what Jean has written to me, I feel like I do. Whatever you've done...I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Jean was..." she took a deep breath. "He was not an easy child, growing up, he had it a little rough.
My head tilted, answers filling my head to questions I had been considering for some time. "O-Oh?"
"Mhmm, we had it difficult for some time, but poor Jean and his father..."
"Umm, Mrs. Kirschtein?"
"Hm?"
"I...I don't mean any disrespect, but I would kindly request you not to explain anything about Jean's upbringing." Noticing the look growing on the woman's face, I quickly stated my next words. "N-Not because I don't want to! But Jean...Jean was very understanding when it came to my...my past, and why I didn't want to be open about it. He was caring, and...and thoughtful in how long it took me to tell him what I've been through. I simply want to respect Jean as my friend and give him the same courtesy." Hugging myself, I could feel the moisture behind my eyes growing, and the realization was sudden when I thought back to the letter. "If there's something he's not ready to open up about, I want to give him time so he can choose when and if he wants me to know."
Staring down at me, Jean's mother simply...stared. The woman took a few good minutes to revel in silence as she watched Midnight care for her foal. Smiling, she looked at me. "You are special, Emalina Varlen. I simply wanted to see my son, and when he turned me away, here you came, apologizing on your own and showing me this amazing sight. Please, all I ask of you in return is to never leave my son's side. Deep down, he's a good person."
"I know he is, Mrs. Kirschtein. He struggles with some of our other comrades, but with me or our friend Marco, he's different. I promise, I won't leave you son's side. Jean's become too important in my life and I...I don't think I could enjoy this world if he wasn't by my side."
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Jean
Watching Emalina leave me alone in the Mess Hall hurt worse than the burning sting still caressing my cheek. Touching my face, my hand rubbed the skin, despite knowing I fully deserved her slap; I knew full well I had treated my mother like shit, but the way she treated me...!
No Jean, your mother just wanted to see you, Emalina's voice rang in my head.
Gritting my teeth, I followed her path and exited through the front doors but I wasn't looking to find her; I needed my space and wanted to be alone. Making my way through Headquarters, I found my room, slammed the door shut and flew myself onto the bed, covering my red face with a pillow and screamed. I stayed in that position for god knows how long, but my embarrassment ceased to leave me the hell alone.
Removing the pillow, I stared up at the stone ceiling and noticed the sunlight filtering through my window was vanishing as night drew near. All I could do was stare and think. I thought of my comrades, my dream of entering the Military Police, my mother, and of course, I thought of Emalina.
I don't know how long I lay on my bed and simply thought. My frustration coiled in my chest was from my mother's unexpected visit and the anger? Well, I wanted to direct my anger onto Emalina, but she hadn't done anything.
She slapped you! My mentality screamed in my ear.
"I deserved it," my lips whispered.
Standing to my feet, I began pacing around the small room, confusion and displeasure scourging through my veins. My mother had the right to visit, she simply wanted to see me; why hadn't I spared thirty minutes to stop by? How could I simply ignore my own mother, the only parent who remained and cared for me?
"Tch, it's not her I'm avoiding." My voice growled as I gritted my teeth. No, I'm not angry at my mother, not her, she never left me. I'm pissed at my...at my...
Son of a bitch, I can't even say his name!
With my feet moving on their own, I found myself leaving my room and headed two floors above, searching for Emalina's room. When I found the correct door, I paused with my knuckles against the wood, inhaling and exhaling before knocking. Waiting a few seconds, I didn't hear an answer so I knocked once more, harder, so the sound would echo within. For a third time, I knocked and loudly said her name. "Emalina? I need to speak with you." Still, there was no answer, so I grasped the handle and walked in, but what I saw froze my limbs; my eyes widened, the attempt in diverting my attention failing miserably.
Before me stood Emalina in only her underwear, gracefully folding her clothing on the bed.
By god, she is...so unbelievably beautiful...
I needed to move, I HAD to move, but my vision continued to gaze at the female before me, lingering on everything that was visible. In the waning sun, Emalina's skin glowed, her hair shone with tints of red and I could see every scar across her form. To which I could see her entire form; her luscious legs, her curvaceous waist and even the extraordinary shape of her breasts.
Gulping, my hand clenched, desperately needing to move, to leave, to do something other than stare at my best friend. My best friend who just happened to be a female. My best female friend who was currently standing in only her underwear with a goddess aura outlining her frame. Quickly glancing down, my brain realized there was yet another problem at hand as the crotch of my pants tightened dangerously.
Snap out of it Jean Kirschtein! Emalina is your best friend and you're starring at her almost naked body! Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and leaned against the door, thinking of any and everything than what I had witnessed. Marco in his underwear, my mother embarrassing me, Commander Shadis yelling in his underwear! When I felt brave enough that I had lowered my additional dilemma, I knocked against the wood again, finally gaining Emalina's attention.
Even though I shouldn't have been surprised, Emalina's screech made me jump within my own skin.
"JEAN KIRSCHTEIN! What the hell are you doing here?!" Eyes still closed, I opened my mouth to answer, only increasing my stupidity. Emalina's hands grasped my arms tightly, her nails digging into my skin as she threw me outside, slamming the door shut and presumed to use the locking mechanism. Falling onto my ass, I groaned before standing. Way to go Jean...
Several minutes flew by before Emalina opened her door and glanced up into my eyes, her cheeks painted red. Crossing her arms, I noticed she had donned a pair of shorts and a loose shirt, possibly her night clothes. "Give me one good reason why I should allow you back in."
Lowering my gaze, I didn't deserve to look upon her beauty, but the image of her gorgeous form was deeply burned into my memory. "Ema, I came to apologize. Though it seems I now have two things to apologize for."
Sighing heavily, Emalina said, "Fine, come on in."
Leaving the door open, I took a seat at the desk chair as she continued to fold her clothes on the bed. Biting my tongue, it was now or never. I had a feeling Emalina wouldn't stop being my friend because of this, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it did. "Emalina, I came here to apologize. First off, I am extremely sorry for what just happened. I knocked on the door and called your name but nothing happened, so I wanted to make sure you were ok. But when I opened it..."
"How long were you standing there?"
"Just a few seconds," my voice answered immediately. "I...I opened the door and noticed you...well, your attire and instantly closed my eyes..."
"Jean, you promise you weren't simply staring because you could?"
"No! Emalina, I would never do that! Do you think I'm that type of person?"
"Oh Jean..." Grabbing her folded pile and placing the clothing on the desk, she nudged my shoulder with her fist. "No, I don't think you're that type of person, but come on, don't I have the right to ask?"
"Heh, you're right Ema, as usual," I mumbled, a smile forming on my lips as our gazes locked. "Ema...I'm also sorry about the way I treated my mother. Emalina, I am...truly, truly sorry – "
My voice was halted when Emalina placed a finger against my lips, my mouth closing on instinct. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me from the chair towards the bed, forcing me to take sit as she claimed the spot next to me. "Jean, do you remember how you once told me that I was a mystery but you could still read me?" I nodded, remembering that conversation well. "After I left you in the Mess Hall, I went after your mother and we spoke for some time." My mouth fell open wanting to speak but Emalina shook her head. "I took your mother to see Galaxy and she started to talk about you and...mentioned your father."
Did I just hear her correctly?
As always, Emalina could see right through me, speaking before I could open my big mouth. "She didn't say anything about your father Jean, other than mentioning him. I asked her to not speak of your upbringing."
"...why?"
Emalina crossed one leg over the other. "I didn't want to betray you, Jean. You gave me time to speak of my past and, as I told your mother, I wanted to give you the same respect. Your agitation grew the closer we were leaving for this exam, so I began to wonder if there was something here in Trost that was the cause. I may not completely understand why you treated your own mother in such a way..." Damn, she has a way with words that could make me cringe. "...but I'm fairly certain you were redirecting your anger onto her. That's why I accept half of your apology."
"Half?"
"That's right. I'll accept it fully once you apologize to your mother."
Wrapping my arm around her, I pulled Emalina close to my chest. Here was an angel in my arms who fully understood me as a human being whilst not knowing my full story. How many people were like Emalina in this world? How many can love with a heart as big as hers? I don't deserve her to be my friend, but goddammit if I wasn't a lucky son of a bitch to have her by my side.
But if I join the Military Police, we won't have much longer.
"I don't deserve you," I accidentally slipped. Slapping my forehead, my jaw clenched and my cheeks burned bright red. Why did I say that out loud?!
Emalina simply laughed into my side, her arms around my waist with her head leaning on my shoulder. "Yes, yes you do Jean; you deserve me as a friend just as much as I deserve you." Watching her eyes close, I couldn't help but ponder. A friend...only a friend? Why did her statement cause my heart to leap painfully? Whisking a few strands of hair from her face, my fingers lingered against her skin before I began tracing her cheek as my hand fell to her neck, feeling her pulse on my fingers. It was in this moment I finally understood what had been in front of me this whole time.
I didn't see Emalina just as my friend; I saw her as the woman I wanted to be by my side.
I'm in love with Emalina Varlen.
"Oh, and Jean, one last thing. If you ever tell anybody what you saw, I will personally kill you myself," she said with a devilish smirk on her face.
"Heh, that sounds more than fair, Ema. My lips are sealed."
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Emalina
The following morning, the other cadets and myself were up bright and early for the beginning of the evacuation scenario. Commander Shadis had been discussing this drill with us for the past month, pushing everyone in our training to ensure we were ready and prepared if our world were to fall to the titans once more. I questioned the purpose of having this exercise in the middle of our three-year training and Shadis had explained that though this was indeed a preparation for the extreme scenario of another titan attack, this would allow him and the other directors of the Cadet Corps to determine what training they should add or change until graduation the following year.
When I considered his answer, the idea clicked into place, but I still believed this was something that should be conducted around the time we would graduate. Hell, as long as I receive grades I am happy with and to graduate, I didn't care. I'm a damn good soldier, and as long as I can protect those I care for, nothing else matters.
Gathered around my fellow cadets, I blanked on the instructions, having memorized the drill packet the previous night after Jean left.
Jean Kirschtein.
My body instantly tensed, back completely rigid as I used my peripherals to see if anyone noticed my odd behavior. Lifting a hand to my cheeks, I wasn't surprised to find them burning; just the mere mention of Jean's name now sent me into a moment of embarrassment. The man has now practically seen me naked! I screamed into my head. For the love of all that is holy I was standing in only my underwear...AND! HE! SAW! EVERYTHING!
Mentally slapping my own idiocy for not locking the door in the first place, I groaned. But the way he looked at me when I allowed him back into my room, he seemed...I'm not sure. He was clearly embarrassed, but his eyes were saying something else, something different. He didn't act as though he had just witnessed me in an intimate way.
I knew my feelings for Jean yet couldn't tell if I was truly embarrassed by what happened...or excited?
"Alright soldiers! You have thirty minutes to assemble your group and head to your assigned station. Once the thirty minutes has concluded, a green flare will be fired, signaling the start to the evacuation drill. You are already aware of your duties, but let me make this clear: stay within your own zones and treat this as if it was a real titan attack. Dismissed!"
"Sir yes sir!"
Annie was standing by my side, so we moved to look for Armin and Jean; once our group assembled, we made sure our gear was secured in place and maneuvered our way around the city to our specific destination. Each drill packet was provided with a map of Trost District and was coded, designating where each group had control and their area of focus. We were located towards the center of the district, close to the main road connecting the city and small market vendor tents.
It took the four of us practically no time at all to reach where we needed to be and we spent the time discussing the drill and strategies to use. I truly wanted to treat this as the real deal, but I had the feeling Armin was devaluing his skills, Annie simply didn't care with her scowl and Jean seemed more agitated this morning than yesterday. I wonder why, I thought. We were both laughing last night by the time he left, despite how I've only forgiven half of his apology. As we waited for the signal, I caught Jean staring at me several times, causing my skin to flare once more, my mind assuming he was thinking of last night and my naked self. But Jean's not like that! Then why is he staring with a goofy smile?
"It's time," Annie said, standing to her feet. Our heads turned in the direction of the stone gate leading out of Wall Rose as the green flare rose high into the sky. Grabbing my handhelds, I glanced at my comrades who all nodded. Jumping off the building, we all ignited our ODM gear and flew around Trost, seeking fake titans, hoping to never see a live one inside these walls.
And from my perspective, the drill seemed effective.
The drill had been active for almost an hour and as we flew around our designated area, I could see citizens below running for their lives towards the gate, occasionally glancing up at us. We could hear their cries of fright as some Garrison soldiers yelled, "Evacuate calmly and obey the instructions given to you!"
Good, I told myself. The people and the Garrison need to take this seriously. There could be another attack any day now, and unless you've seen the titans firsthand, you don't truly what they are capable of.
"Jean!" Armin's voice pulled me away from my thoughts as we ran across a rooftop. Looking around, I realized we were headed away from our region and straight into another. "Are you sure we're allowed to push up this far? Our objective is to deal with the titans that make it through the front line - !"
"Stop being so inflexible! We're soldiers, which means we kill titans!" Frowning, I knew what Jean was planning. From my left, Annie shot me a look yet I shook my head.
Since when does Annie listen to me? Or anyone for that matter? "All you want to do is score more brownie points," was her statement as she flew past everyone. Turning around to glance at me, Jean smirked and pushed his gear forward, flying between buildings and houses to seek his prize. Armin, Annie and I followed. Jean's actions caused me to growl as I gritted my teeth. I'm gonna have to kick his butt later, won't I? And that's when I noticed the titan several hundred feet away and that Jean used more gas, causing his speed to accelerate to move even faster.
"He's mine!" my male friend yelled, to which I slapped my face.
Yep, I definitely have to kick his butt later.
Just as Jean was gaining distance, Mikasa jumped from the nearest building and sliced the dummy's neck, indicating the kill went towards her score. At her maneuvers, I could see Jean smile, causing my lips to turn down in anger.
"Guys! This way!" Jean could not gain his kill as Connie, Reiner, Marco and Sasha all appeared and stole the titan dummies that were rightfully theirs. His smile dropped, being replaced with a frown and a snarl. All our heads turned in the distance when we heard the echo of a flare being ejected and noticed the red coloring filling the sky; the leading ranks had determined the evacuation over and our job was complete.
Sasha's group joined together and left, heading towards the market, Jean instantly following behind. Armin, Annie and I stared at one another before the male asked, "Should we follow?"
"He is part of our team. Let's go."
When we finally caught up with Jean, he was glaring at Connie and Sasha, yelling at the top of his lungs. "That was playing dirty, you thieving bastards! I spotted them first!"
"Playing dirty?" Sasha asked, taking a bite of her potato. Really Sasha? A potato, now? I had to laugh at my friend. "Jean, you sure come out with some baloney. You think there's an etiquette when it comes to hunting?"
"Don't lay some hunter logic on me, Potato Girl," Jean sneered.
"Potato Girl?! I thought everyone had forgotten about that!" she whispered the last part. Sasha, how could we forget?! Standing against the opposite wall, I watched my friends' interactions, hoping neither one asked me to be on their side. Who would I choose? "Don't call me names!"
"Yeah! Apologize to her!" Connie stood to his feet, yelling back at Jean.
This was when Reiner pushed himself into the argument. "For starters that whole area was in our zone."
"Yeah, exactly. You know Jean, you're acting kinda weird today, shouting out of the blue like that. Are you itching to go see Mommy?" Connie laughed.
"Ohhh! Is that it?!" Sasha had pressed his buttons.
"As if!" Jean leaned forward, fist raised in action against Sasha, as she and Connie posed in their...unique fighting stance. Connie held a knife in his mouth – where the hell he got one I have no idea – and Sasha looked as if she was a bird about to land a kick.
"That's enough! Stop it you guys!" Walking forward, I grabbed Jean's shoulder, but Reiner's words were what led my friend to drop his fist.
"Jean, you won't make the Military Police acting like this."
Those words are what caused the man to stand straight, knocking my hand away from his body. "When we finish up our training tomorrow, we'll see who can take out more targets."
"Interesting!"
All our heads turned to see Commander Pyxis walking in our direction. Having met this man before, I saluted him firmly, the others following my actions when they recognized who stood before them. "Commander Pyxis," I said, nodding my head.
He nodded in response and said, "I'll adjudicate. Your fighting spirit is certainly commendable. However, using a training exercise to win an argument is unacceptable." The man took a hefty swig of alcohol from his flask before he finished with, "Fight with cooking."
"Uh...pardon?" Jean asked, unsure if the Commander was speaking in tongues or the truth.
"Fight by cooking!" The man repeated.
This caught Sasha's attention as I watched her eyes shine with happiness. "Cooking?!"
"That's right, cooking. A cook-off!" The crowd surrounding us began swarming with gossip, questioning why a cook-off and its purpose.
"I-I don't mean to be rude, Commander Pyxis, but we're soldiers. Cooking isn't in out remit – "
But the Sasha was the one who shoved a potato in Jean's face to silence him of such nonsense. "Jean! How much do you even know about cooking?"
"Exactly! I bet your mom always cooked for you at home!" You know what? I think I'll kick Connie's butt too.
"Jean, my boy, I will teach you the true art of cooking." And of course, knowing Sasha, she took a massive bite out of the potato for emphasis. Sometimes I wonder who's more dramatic: Sasha or Jean? Blinking, I noticed Marco appeared by my side, tapping my shoulder to gain my attention.
"Do you really think Sasha and Jean will fight in a cook-off?"
"I wouldn't put it past Commander Pyxis. I've heard he's serious when it comes to three things: his position as Commander, his alcohol and food."
"Fine! Let's do this!" Jean's voice pulled our attention towards him. Hands clenched, face set in aspired determination, there was no stopping the man now. "Cooking, cleaning. Throw what you like at me. If I win, you must stay outta my way forever, Potato Girl!"
Marco and I narrowed out eyes and Pyxis spoke once more. "Excellent! The battle will take place tonight. Both of you will cook and serve a main course for dinner. Bring your best dish to the table!" The crowd cheered as soldiers jumped for joy and called with excitement. Marco and I, on the other hand, crossed our arms, shaking our heads. As I glanced up, Jean turned his head and our eyes met; I held a stoic face, anger still coiled in my stomach, but Jean smirked, giving me and Marco a thumb's up. Honestly, I didn't care about the cook-off, but that wasn't why I was angry.
I'm angry because Jean smiled at Mikasa the same way he smiles at me.
~ oOo ~
It had been several hours since Commander Pyxis declared the cook-off would commence that night and my group found ourselves at the hands of Jean, assisting him with acquiring the ingredients he desired. Jean declared he was seeking meat for his main course and that is where we had traveled through the forests of Trost within Wall Rose to fight a massive boar that had been causing havoc for several years. We found ourselves searching for some time before we ran into Sasha's team, Marco giving me a sympathetic glance but I shrugged it off. We both were there mainly for support, but didn't really care.
I had to admit, poor Jean couldn't catch a break.
By the time we discovered the boar's whereabouts, it was nearing late afternoon and Sasha's team already declared victory of the massive beast. Arrows and gunshot wounds covered the boar's fur; I knew the creature did not go down without a fight. And so, after all the time we spent searching, my team walked behind Sasha as she rode the boar as it was being carried back through Trost, the townsfolk hollering and cheering that there would be enough meat to share and how the creature had been defeated.
Standing on the sidelines watching Sasha ride the boar as a prize, the four of us couldn't do anything other than accept defeat that meat would not be on the menu. Personally, I'd never seen Jean cook, since all our meals as cadets were prearranged, so I didn't have the knowledge regarding his cooking skill. Was he so set on meat because he could cook with that particular ingredient? Or was he hoping to win with the boar on his side because meat had become a scarce commodity since we lost Wall Maria?
My thoughts were interrupted when Jean abruptly said, "For fuck's sake!" and left, heading towards Headquarters to think of something else. Sighing, I followed with Armin and Annie. We found ourselves in the Mess Hall later eating our dinner as the night where my friend merely picked and prodded at his meal.
Wanting his attention, I grabbed Jean's shoulder. The male had been so preoccupied with obtaining some form of meat, he wouldn't listen to reason in considering the idea in making a different dish. "Jean you are going to win this cook-off. We are going to think of something you can cook and it will be delicious!"
"Ema, you heard what Sasha has said! She's right; the only meal that can win is one that has some kind of meat. What else are you wanting me to do?"
"What else can you cook?" Armin opened his voice and spoke. Jean acted as if he would answer, but closed his lips instead.
"Actually, there's something I want to show you. Follow me." My friend stood and Annie groaned.
"Is he really going to drag us around just to win this stupid competition?" She glanced between both Armin and me, though her usually glare focused mainly on myself.
"Yes," I admitted. "Once he's determined, you can't stop Jean until he completes the task." Leaving the other cadets and making our way towards the stairs, we all looked at Jean who held his hand out after a moment revealing a golden key in his palm. Armin's eyes widened upon the realization of what the key was; it took me an additional few seconds before I groaned and grasped my nose.
"A-Are you serious, Jean?!" Armin's voice lowered but was laced with seriousness.
"Apparently there's beef in the officer's pantry; I'll use that."
"O-Out of the question! I can't steal! I-I've always been slow and awkward." Judging from Armin's face, I could tell he'd lost it. The shorter male began rambling how he'd never won a race, that he was terrible at hide-and-seek and some other nonsense. Turning towards the stairs, Armin took off running as Annie and I crossed our arms. I knew Jean was a little crazy for taking this as seriously as he had, but he'd gone too far in stealing the key. Jean continued calling Armin's name when the blonde male was suddenly screaming, grasping his leg in pain.
In hour later, we found ourselves in Armin's room as the cadet lay on his bed, his leg wrapped tightly in bandages. The medic thought Armin might've obtained a small fracture in his tibia when he fell, his leg landing on the edge of the stairs. In a chair by his side, Jean was contemplating his next actions; he felt guilty, this I knew.
At this point, I was annoyed. Annoyed I wasn't with Star or visiting Galaxy, annoyed that we had searched all afternoon for a stupid boar, and even more annoyed because Jean was only growing more frustrated. What Connie stated earlier this afternoon was true, Jean had not been acting like himself lately and I knew it was because he was back in Trost, especially with his mother unexpectedly visiting him the night before.
"I'm sorry Jean, but with this battered body, I don't think I'll be of any help to you," Armin suddenly stated, his words lifting my gaze from my position against the furthest wall. At his statement, Annie pushed herself away and walked towards the door.
"I'm out too, I can't risk getting caught."
"But, Annie. I thought you aim was to join the Military Police as well!" Jean's tone seemed angry though I knew it was from him feeling lost.
"Sorry," was Annie's reply before she walked out of the door.
Gritting his teeth, Jean narrowed his eyes before turning towards me, needing to know my position and where I stood. I offered my best friend a smile. Despite not appreciating what Jean had planned, I would not abandon him. Hopefully he would listen to me on the way to the officer's pantry; I'd made the promise to stick by his side, not even this could break my promise. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll help."
"Emalina!" Armin cried.
"Don't worry Armin, I've got this covered. You just get some rest and please let us know if you need anything."
Taking a breath, Armin relented, letting the matter go. "Alright. Just be careful." Leaving Armin's room, Jean and I made out way deep into Headquarters until we reached the level we were searching for. We were hugging the wall when we reached closer to the officer's pantry, knowing that if an official soldier caught us, we would be dead, and most likely, discharged. Looking around a corner, Jean leaned back against the wall, reaching his arm out against my chest and pushing me towards the stone. I could hear two officers laughing in the next corridor, thankful they stayed straight instead of turning in our direction.
"Kirschtein." Standing straight at attention with arms at his side, the Garrison soldier from the previous night stood to our side staring at us both in confusion. "You made me hunt everywhere for you. Here," the soldier handed Jean an item wrapped in cloth, his concerned expression turned into confusion, taking the item from the soldier's hand. "Your mother stopped by a while ago and asked me to give this to you." Moving his gaze between Jean and I, the solider asked, "What on earth are you doing down here anyways?"
Jean was still caught off guard with the item in his hand so I answered the soldier, already having an response planned. "I apologize sir, we were walking around Headquarters to familiarize ourselves with the layout and didn't realize how we made it here and sorta...got lost."
"Are you serious?" Pointing in the direction of the stairs down the hall, the soldier stated, "Take those stairs up one floor and you'll be on the main level. This floor isn't authorized for cadets such as yourselves, but I'll let it slide this once."
Saluting the soldier, I nodded in understanding. "We greatly appreciate that sir. We'll take our leave immediately." Grabbing Jean's jacket, I pulled my friend away from this area towards the stairs as we made our way somewhere else. I didn't know where he wanted to go, but when we were back on the main floor, Jean took my hand and led me further up until we reached his room. He stood outside of his door but instead of entering, Jean pulled me down with him as we slid against the wall towards the floor. Jean pulled at the paper tied into the fabric of the item and opened it; leaning against his shoulder, I read the note as well.
Dear Jean-Boy,
Please eat this and carry on working hard. Don' be a burden on other people, you hear? Share some with your friend Emalina and enjoy each other's company.
Love, Mom
Crinkling the paper in his hand, Jean put the paper in his jacket before removing the cloth from the small package. Inside was a small bento box and when opened, revealed a delicious looking omelet with a small side of vegies; my mouth watered despite having already eaten dinner. Reaching over, I pushed my hand inside Jean's jacket and pulled the note from his pocket. He eyes my carefully as I folded the piece of paper and placed it securely inside my bra, not saying a single word for my actions.
"Ema."
"Yes?"
"I know what I'm going to cook."
"Oh really? That's good, I bet it'll be delicious," I whisper, leaning my head against his shoulder.
"It's the...first dish my mom taught me to make." Looking up at my friend, Jean offered a small smile, but it was sad, the corners of his lips not reaching his eyes. He replaced the lid and rewrapped the linen, placing his head against my own. "Ema...I feel there's something I need to tell you..."
"It's ok, Jean. Remember what I said last night, I don't want you to tell me anything unless you're comfortable with it." Reaching his hand over, Jean began running his fingers through my hair, causing me to purr and close my eyes in relaxation. Though he was in a stressful situation and wanted to win the cook-off, I was very content and happy it was just the two of us in this moment.
"When I was real young, my dad left me and my mom."
Slowly pulling away from his shoulder, my eyes widened, not quite sure I knew what his words meant. "Do you mean he...?"
"Died?" Jean finished my sentence before shaking his head. "Tch, I wish, that fucking bastard," he whispered. Inhaling as much breath as he could, Jean exhaled, his eyes searching mine. Was he looking for answers? Comfort? Whatever it was, I would give it to him. "No, my father met a...much younger woman and left me and my mom to be with her."
Covering my mouth, I tried my damned hardest to not gasp, but a small breath of air released from my lips. Though not all my questions were answered, the dots were connecting and I could discern his actions for the past few days. "Jean..."
"I was young enough that I didn't understand what was going on but old enough to remember everything. After my father left, my mom completely took over the household and raised me on her own. She's..." Taking my hand, Jean locked our fingers together and I wondered if he was looking to borrow the strength he claimed I had. "My mother is an incredible woman and she did everything. I was distraught about my father leaving that she began cooking me omelets as a treat, something to put a smile on my face."
"Is that why she sent one to you?"
"I can only assume so, yes. When I was old enough, she taught me to cook them on my own. I...Ema, I was a rebellious kid."
Rolling my eyes, I answered with, "Oh really? I had no idea."
Flicking my head, Jean smiled at my sarcasm. "It's true. I didn't commit any crimes or do theft, but I fought with a lot of the neighborhood kids and got in trouble a lot. I was angry all the time when I was young; I was angry at the world, angry at my dad, angry at the woman because she was the reason he left and..." Squeezing his fingers, I wanted Jean to know I was here. "You were right, Ema; I acted angry towards my mom, taking my frustration out on her even though she didn't do anything."
"Hey, hey look at me." When Jean didn't move his face, I grabbed his cheek and moved his attention to look straight at me. Those beautiful golden orbs stared into mine, and for a moment, I was left breathless. "Jean, I am...so grateful you have trusted me enough with telling me. But I can tell you this: your mother loves you very much, and if she's just as perceptive as you are, I'm fairly certain she knows the reason for your anger."
Raising an eyebrow, it took him a moment to reply. I couldn't resist but to stare at the expression he wore. His eyes shone, eyebrows raised in confusion at my words, mouth open with lips slightly wet. Oh sweet goodness. "You, you think?"
"Mhm, yeah, I do. That's...Jean I am very sorry you had to go through that. You can look at it as a blessing in disguise, if you want."
"How so," he muttered.
"Sadly, yes, your dad did leave you and your mom. But guess what? Your mother stepped up and loved you a thousand times harder. From what it sounds like, she never left, she never gave up on you and she was someone you could always count on."
"Heh, why is it you always know the right thing to say?"
I smiled. "I don't, but I do know you, Jean." Placing my hand over his heart, I emphasized my words. "In here, you are a good man. Your actions and the way you uphold yourself are different than others, but you are loyal, you are caring. You're just...you are Jean Kirschtein."
Taking my hand from his chest into his, Jean leaned down, placing his lips upon my palm, kissing the skin before curling my hand over his cheek. "I stand by what I said last night, Emalina: I don't deserve you as a friend."
"And I stand by what I said as well: yes you do. And I'm not going anywhere. There will be times I'll be mad at you and tell you why, but I will always be here." Reaching forward, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled the man in for a hug. Jean copied my movements and as we stayed in that position, I couldn't resist but to inhale his scent of cleanliness and his natural, earthy musk. Placing my lips against his cheek, I kissed my best friend before pulling back, my skin burning. Jean only smiled and continued to hold my hand.
Oh Jean, I thought, suddenly saddened by the intimate-like moment we just shared. I wish you loved me just as I love you.
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Jean
It had taken some time, but several hours later, I stood upon the stage used for the cook-off along with the rest of my team. A table stood in the middle waiting for Commander Pyxis to take his seat; the two Garrison Soldiers who were always by his side stood on each end, waiting for the right moment to declare the start to this random turn of events. Across from us, Sasha glared in my direction as Reiner and Connie matched her expression whereas Marco waved, smiling on his own. Emalina and I returned the same gesture just as the Commander walked out from behind the curtains to claim his seat.
"Well, well! It looks like you've both brought you're a game to this contest."
I was surprised to see Commander Shadis appear from the opposite side and stated loudly to the crowd, "We will now commence the cook-off between the 104th Squad members: Jean Kirschtein and Sasha Blouse!" The crowd cheered and roared, excited for the match, excited to see the meat containing the meat. "For the first dish: Sasha Blouse!"
"Sir!" she said, pushing her cart forward and placed her covered dish in front of the Commander. Lifting the lid, she said, "Bon appetite!"
Fucking Sasha, I thought.
"Whoa!"
"She's served meat!"
"Alright, let's try this dish out." Cutting several slices, Commander Pyxis swallowed a bite before becoming silent; to which he stayed silent for some time. The crowd began to murmur, wondering if the Commander was simply silent or if the meat was tainted. "This..." the man whispered.
By my side, Emalina grasped my elbow, pulling on the sleeve of my shirt. "You're still going to win," she whispered, only for me to hear.
"I don't know Ema, see the look on his face?" I looked again and the Commander was stoic with eyes wide as he froze.
"Ha! The contest's ours!" Reiner exclaimed.
"Not necessarily Reiner," Marco intervened.
"Whose side are you on anyways, Marco?" Connie said, poking Marco in the shoulder.
"Let it go guys," Sasha said confidently. "It's Jean's turn anyways!"
I took a deep breath, hands gripping the cart tightly before I could feel Emalina's hand cover mine. She looked up and gave me that beautiful smile of hers. All day I was so focused on wanting to win, consumed that I had to win. But seeing Emalina smile, her sincerity and confidence I would do astounding was a better feeling than desiring to win. Pushing the cart forward, it was time to place my dish in front of Commander Pyxis, and when I did, the man grinned in amusement.
"Well, isn't this a cute little thing?"
With the support of my team and Emalina's assurance in my ability to succeed, I created the first dish I had ever cooked myself: a fluffy omelet. Standing straight, I said, "Please, have a taste, sir." The Commander took his time, but within a few minutes, consumed the entire dish; I was surprised, considering he had only taken a few bites of the dish Sasha made. I could hear Sasha and Connie speak how victory was theirs, only because their dish consisted specifically of meat.
Then the Commander stood.
"And now, my decision. The winner of this contest..." Everyone stood on their toes. The crowd grew quiet as my team and Sasha's leaned forward in expectation. "...is Jean Kirschtein!"
And the crowd grew wild with cheers and hollers, screaming that my omelet beat the meat but they were impressed. I stood stock still, not believing my own ears until Armin grabbed my shoulder, giving me a thumbs up that I'd won. When he let go, Emalina burst forward with her arms on my neck as we almost fell. Her body formed into mine as she hugged me tightly, cheering just as the crowd, but her next words were only meant for me. "I am so proud of you Jean. There was no doubt in my mind that you would win."
Opening my mouth to thank her, Sasha began crying in front of the Commander, realizing she had relied too much on the meat itself and didn't provide any side dishes to compliment the meal. Releasing Ema, I pulled her with me as I made my way towards Sasha, reaching my hand down. "There's no need to be embarrassed, Sasha." Her tear stained eyes looking up into mine as I offered the truth to this contest. "You aren't the only one who just roasted their dish."
"I'm sorry Jean," Sasha said, and I knew the tension I'd created earlier that morning was no longer there; we'd come to a truce and put any 'bad blood' behind us. Marco walked over to congratulate me as Emalina hugged Sasha, giving her a congratulations for trying and doing her best.
Looking at my friends and those around me, there was something about the conversation Emalina and I shared earlier that knocked against the inside of my skull. I wasn't just taking my anger out on my mom. Anger and skepticism was what I held when entering the Cadet Corps, assuming those I met would leave just as my father would. I was afraid to lose those I came close to.
In a way, I'm similar to Emalina. She's afraid to trust others, thinking, and blaming herself, that if she grew close to others, she would lose them through death; whereas I was afraid people would simply leave, not wanting to be around me anymore, simply thinking my existence didn't matter.
We both pushed others away to protect ourselves; in the end, we were causing more damage to ourselves. As I peered around at my friends and comrades, I finally made a decision.
I was going to visit my mother, but I wouldn't be going alone.
~ oOo ~
"Jean! Where on earth are you taking me?"
"I told you Ema, it's a secret."
"Do we even have permission to be out? Curfew will start soon."
"Don't worry, I spoke with Shadis. Do you trust me or not?"
"I trust you, Jean."
The following night after the cook-off against Sasha, I grabbed Emalina, told her to pack an overnight bag and escorted her out of Headquarters and into the bustling district of Trost, my hometown. Question after question had left her lips since we left the base, but I didn't want to tell her my plan, not yet. I was directing Emalina away from the base and headed East towards the river that ran through the city. We passed other soldiers who nodded in our direction, children playing in the streets and families finishing their daily shopping before heading home.
I wasn't sure how she would take this surprise, but it was something I needed to do, something where I wanted Emalina with me.
As we grew closer, Emalina grew relentless and I laughed. "It's not funny Jean!"
"Mmm, yeah it kinda is Ema. Besides, we're here."
"Here where?" Stopping in front of the wooden door I'd known all my life, Emalina glared in my direction, causing me to laugh even more.
"Emalina, welcome to my home."
Swiftly moving her head between the building and me, Emalina was silent. "You mean, this is your home? Where you grew up?" I nodded. "But why are we here? And why did you have me bring some clothes?"
"Ema, with everything that happened yesterday, I began thinking once the cook-off was over. We'll be leaving Trost the day after tomorrow, and I didn't know the next time I would get this chance, but...I decided to stop by and visit my mom."
"Oh, Jean. But...still, why am I here then?"
"Because..." I swallowed and took a breath. "Because I wanted you here. You give me...this strength I didn't know I had. And I, well..." Turning my head away, I said in a hushed voice, "I wanted you by my side."
Looping her arm through mine, Emalina grinned. "You are such a cutie, Jean!"
"What the hell Emalina?!" But her sudden laughter caused me to chuckle too as I knocked on the wood, the echo of footsteps grew close before the door was open, revealing my mother.
"Hello? Can I...Jeanie-Boy? Jean!" She corrected herself.
"Hi mom..." I said meekly, embarrassed about the way I treated her several days prior.
"What on earth are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be staying at the base?"
"Yeah, but I was given permission for tonight to stay here since your family. Before that..." I held Emalina's arm in my hand and glanced between her and my mother. "So, I know you've met her before, yet but I wanted to introduce the both of you myself. Mom, this is Emalina Varlen. And Ema, this...is my mother."
My mother stepped forward and pulled my best friend into her arms. Shock ran through me, however, thinking back on how they met before, I wasn't all that surprised. "Emalina, it is good to see you again. Has Jean been treating you well?"
"Ugh, mom..." I groaned, crossing my arms, but Ema only chuckled.
"Jean's been quite the gentleman, Mrs. Kirschtein."
"Good, that's how I raised my son."
"Mom?" She turned towards me; it was now or never, despite my best friend watching the interaction between us. "There's something...I need to say to you. T-The other day when you stopped by to visit me? I need to, well I need to say...I'm sorry. I should not have treated you that way, and I'm sorry for the way I was as a kid and it was never against you...!" I was speaking so fast, needing the words to leave my lips that I didn't notice my mother try and calm me down.
"Hush Jean, I know, I know." Reaching forward, she pulled me in as I slowly fell into my mother's arms. "I was never mad Jean, I've always known the reason for your behavior. I just wanted you to have a good life." She kissed me on the cheek as I pushed her away, but my mother laughed it off, looking between me and Emalina.
"Would it be ok if Emalina spends the night here as well?"
"Goodness, of course! Emalina you are always welcome within my home!"
From the corner of my eye, I could see Emalina's back stiffen, her eyes slightly glossed over but her voice betrayed what I could see. "Mrs. Kirschtein you are so thoughtful!"
"Nuh-uh! I don't want any of that Mrs. Kirschtein nonsense. You can call me Jacqueline. Now! Have you two eaten dinner yet?" We both shook our heads when I realized the smell lingering from the inside of the house. "I hope stew and fresh bread sound good."
"That sounds delicious! What can I do to help?" My mother allowed us to enter my house as we entered the open area with the kitchen on the opposite side of the wall.
"Emalina you are so sweet! No, I want to treat you both. So, while I'm finishing dinner, Jean, why don't you show Emalina where the spare bedroom is? Grab some clean sheets and a pillow from the closet."
"Alright mom, we'll be down shortly."
With Emalina following, I did as my mom asked and grabbed the items from the closet beneath the stairs before we walked towards the second floor. The spare room was next to mine and as we walked in, I placed the linen on the bed, allowing Emalina to look around where we will be staying. Placing her small bag on the bed, she remained quiet and I questioned if I should've asked her permission for this surprise.
"Jean," she took a seat and looked up. "What you said to your mom was wonderful, I think she really needed to hear that."
Casting my eyes aside, I couldn't believe simple words as hers could cause such an effect on me as my skin grew warm. "Your words yesterday got to me, and deep down, I knew you were right."
"Thank you for bringing me."
Looking at her, I asked curiously, "You're not mad?"
My question raised an eyebrow. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"
"You...seemed a little upset downstairs, and I thought maybe you were uncomfortable and that I should've talked to you first before doing anything."
"Oh no, this is wonderful! I get a night away from Headquarters, I get to spend some time with your mother and I get to see your home where you grow up?! That's a win-win for me!"
Before I could reply, my mother's voice echoed from downstairs. "Dinner's ready!"
Sitting around the table, we enjoyed a meal of my mother's homemade stew and bread; it was such a relief considering the food we were used to at the Training Grounds. Past dinner would consist of me and my mother, as I rarely had any friends growing up; this evening was obviously different. Emalina's spirit and personality brightened the night and I found myself conversing with her and my mother, but the two of them spent a majority of the evening talking to each other.
I simply watched. Though still somewhat of a mystery, I felt confident that I knew my best friend inside and out, as much as one could know another person over the course of eighteen months. She smiled, but it was off. She laughed and talked, but something was holding her back. It was her eyes that gave away; they were misty when my mom opened the door and they were teary over now. Was she wanting to cry? If so, what for?
We spent some time at the table before my mother declared she was headed to bed and suggested we do the same. Neither me nor Emalina disagreed as we were still exhausted from the previous day and wanted more sleep. Once the table was cleared, my mother bid us a good night – not before pulling me aside and stated there would be no funny business – as Emalina and I retired to our individual rooms. Donning loose trousers and a thin shirt, I opened my window, allowing a cool breeze into my room before dropping onto the mattress, almost instantly asleep when my head met my pillow.
Several hours later, I was awakened when the sound of creaking wood pulled me from my sleep. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes, glancing at the window thinking it had been swayed from the wind or something. Standing to my feet, I walked towards the window when a door out in the hallway closed; ears perked to attention and eyes glanced towards the hallway, I questioned who would be up this late. Leaving my bedroom, I slowly made my way downstairs and when I reached the last step, I could hear my mother and Emalina speaking; sitting down, I took a seat on a step and leaned against the railing, listening in on their conversation.
"Emalina, dear, what're you doing up this late?"
"O-Oh, Mrs. Kirsch...I mean, Jacqueline! Goodness, you scared me!"
"I'm sorry dear, I came down to get a drink of water, I wasn't expecting to see you. Were you not able to sleep?"
"A-Ahh, no, it's not that..." Emalina said. Even from my position on the other side of the house, I could hear the tremor in her voice.
"Emalina, is something the matter?"
"I..." Her sniffles paused the words she wanted to say. However, I knew what was wrong and I prepared myself for the tears that would fall. "I had a n-nightmare, is all."
"Goodness! Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?" I could hear my mother pulling at a chair as it squeaked against the floor. Peering around the railing, my mother had Emalina take a seat whereas she knelt in front of my friend. "Sweetie, has this happened before?"
"Yes," my friend nodded. "I usually only have them when I miss my parents..."
"Your parents? Do they live in another district, or...?" I could see how Emalina's face fell, only assuming my mother did as well. "Emalina, don't tell me your, did your...?" She nodded, covering her mouth, a small sob escaping. Turning my attention away, I grasped at my shirt, clinging to the skin where my heart lay underneath. How many times would she be haunted by her past? When would the nightmares stop, so she could live free of fear? Free from her never-ending pain?
"I'm from Uma, and when the titans broke through the wall, everyone, including my parents, were eaten..."
"Emalina..."
"It's been almost four years, but sometimes i-it's just so h-hard...!" Needing to glance at both females again, I saw my mother pull Emalina into her arms. My mother cradled Emalina's head into her shoulder, softly brushing her hair. My friend froze before she shut her eyes and quickly fell against my mother, sobs echoing within the house, her fears becoming a reality in a moment of weakness – in times such as this, she truly believed she was still all alone.
"Shhh, my dear, everything is alright. Now, tell me, what's running through your head?" Fingers clenching my chest tighter, my heart broke with Emalina's next words.
"I forgot what a mother's hug feels like..."
"Oh sweetheart, look at me. I may not be related to you, but my son cares for you deeply and from what I've heard and seen, you are his best friend. I meant what I said earlier: you are always welcome here."
"M-Mrs. Kirschtein...why?"
"There's no why, sweetie. I'm not taking pity on you, but it sounds as if you've been through enough. I just want you to know you're not alone, and I will help you in any way I can, any way you'd like." Emalina tightened her arms as my mom stayed in the same position for a few minutes before pulling back. "How do you feel?"
"A b-bit b-better," Emalina stuttered.
"That's good to here, sweetie. Now, we can always talk in the morning, but I think it'd be best if we head back to bed."
"Ok, I just...I need a few minutes to myself."
"Of course. If you need anything, you can always come get me. Get some sleep, Emalina." Nodding, Emalina smiled as my mother made her way towards me and as she reached the steps, my mother gave me the same frown I wore. "How long...?"
"From the beginning, mom."
She sighed. "I'm assuming you knew everything?" I nodded. "That's good to hear." Caressing my shoulder as she moved past me, she said in a hushed voice, "Don't ever leave that woman, Jean, you hear me?" and then made her way upstairs.
Before she was out of earshot, I replied, "I don't plan to, mom. She's too damn important to me." Chuckling, I could tell my mother wanted to ask more questions, but remained silent, returning to her room. When the door closed, I stood and slowly made my way towards the kitchen. With my footsteps, Emalina's head shot up in my direction, hands quickly wiping away any remaining tears from her cheeks.
"Oh, Jean! I didn't know you were up."
"I...I heard you get up earlier, though you were talking with my mom so I didn't want to disturb anything."
Her face slightly fell. "You, you heard all that?"
"Yeah." She didn't say anything other than the occasional sniff of her nose. Grabbing a cloth from the kitchen, I replaced my mother's position and knelt before Emalina, gently dabbing the linen across her skin, erasing the sadness which lingered. "Ema...you know you can always find me, if you have another nightmare. I don't want you feeling alone when they happen."
Grabbing my hand, she pulled it close and linked our fingers together. "I know. When I woke, I just needed to walk around, to take a deep breath and think. I didn't expect your mother to come down at the same time. Yet...I lied to your mom."
"You did? About what?"
"My nightmare. It started out as the memory of my parents, but what scared me the most was that it turned into you."
"Me?"
"Yes. First, I'm seeing my parents being eaten all over again and then I'm running and running. Everything turns black, I can't see or hear anything, but I hear your voice. You keep calling out to me and I'm searching for you, then the sun fills my vision and all I see is you in the hands of a titan. You're calling out my name and I desperately try to fight, to save you. Despite my efforts, your screams were the last I heard before you were eaten...and that's when I woke up."
"Emalina...hey, you know that won't happen, right?" She looked up into my eyes, fresh tears on the verge of falling. "I won't be near the titans because Marco and I are joining the Military Police, remember?"
"No, Jean it's not about which regiment you're joining after graduation. I'm absolutely terrified of losing you!" Pulling her against me, her tears fell though it wasn't the same as before. I rubbed her back a bit before I brushed off more tears, smiling down at her beautiful face.
"I know, Ema, trust me, I know. You're my best friend and I don't know how many times I've said this, but you're different than others; hell, you're different from Marco."
"How am I different from Marco..." she said whilst sniffling.
"I can't say..." Liar, yes you can Kirschtein. "What I can say is this: if you ever left me, Ema, I would be the same person I was before we knew each other. And you wanna know something? I like who I am now because of you."
"So you wanna keep me around simply because I make you a better person."
"Yes – wait, no! No, no, no!" My stumble had Emalina giggling, causing her cheeks to burn red. I grabbed those perfect cheeks and pulled her close, noses touching and our breath mingling. "Emalina Varlen, if you weren't by my side, I'd lose my way, unsure how to live, not knowing who I can trust."
"Oh stop it, you sound like you're confessing your love."
"Well you are my best friend, I've heard they're one and the same."
Smiling, she reached forward and touched my cheek. Our intimate moment reminded me of the previous day when we were in her room. "If you could confess your love to someone, who would they be like, Jean?"
Stroking her cheek, I was left speechless, caught between keeping my love a secret and declaring that I wanted her to be my equal, to be with me in more ways than friendship. Debating against myself, I decided it was best to hold off. Despite wanting Emalina to love me as well, I didn't want to drop my own feelings onto her, especially as we were still cadets with over a year left before graduation.
When though? When would I gain enough courage to tell Emalina I love her? Once we graduate, I would join the Military Police and she would join whichever regiment she wanted. What if we were in different regiments? Would we ever see each other again? Or worse: would she begin to love another when I never proclaimed my own feelings?
"Emalina, they would be perfect like you and just as beautiful. I would want someone to be just as caring, just as helpful, and just as willing to help others, putting their needs before hers. She would need to be gentle and kind, humble, and she would also need to have a mouth on her. I like a woman with a bit of an attitude."
I could see Emalina swallow deeply, her eyes trembling, as if she was holding something back, something she wanted to tell, though too afraid to do so. "Goodness Jean, you want someone like me? Hate to break it to ya, but I'm one of a kind. A copy just won't do you justice."
"You're right, that is true; I guess I'll just have to search long and hard. Come on, it's late and we need our sleep." Taking her hand, I led the way upstairs and once we reached her door, I quickly kissed Emalina on the cheek as we said goodnight. Falling upon my bed once more, I stared up at the ceiling, knowing I would've opened to Emalina about how I feel and that she's the perfect woman for me.
Emalina Varlen...you are my perfect woman, the one I've been wanting my entire life.
~ oOo ~
So, I'm thinking we'll be hitting the Battle of Trost District Arc within the next few chapters, which I cannot wait to write.
I did want to ask my readers: do you guys prefer longer chapters? Or shorter ones? Asking out of curiosity.
Chocobocolina :3