Chapter Ten
The Fight for Trost Begins
A/N: Happy One Year Anniversary! Can't believe it's already been a year and I am so happy with this story. And to all my readers, as this is something I want to try, I have a challenge for you!
If Silence Has Been My Only Friend can receive TEN comments by next Tuesday, 2/26, I will upload the next chapter by the following day. Two chapters in one week for only ten comments? I call that a steal of a deal :)
And please forgive any mistakes, I went through this really quickly.
Disclaimer: Attack on Titan does not belong to me, I only own Emalina and any other OC's. The new story picture does not belong to me. I hold no Copyright and found the it through Google Images.
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Emalina
Before I could even see, I smelled it: blood.
After being recruited by Ian Dietrich to join the Elite Squad in the Rearguard, we were directly sent to defend the evacuating citizens. Attack beginning in front of our eyes, we rushed to have all the people escape into Wall Rose and were thankful no titans had appeared to eliminate the remaining evacuees; at least, not in the near area of the gate. I'd lost track of time and how long it'd been since leaving Jean at Headquarters, with my mind dancing between remembering the last expression he wore and the danger at hand.
Instructing me to scour the nearby area to see if there were any lingering people, I searched high and low, skyrocketing through the back half of Trost to find anyone who may need my assistance. Luck had been on my side as I searched for nearly twenty minutes, finding all homes deserted, forgotten belongings scattered the streets as the people left hurriedly, fearing for their lives. Flinging myself atop the closest building, I knelt, scanning for any sudden movement, whether it be a person or a titan. The beasts were slowly making their way through the city and I hadn't seen one yet, but they were there; they were coming.
Blinking, my head snapped to the left as I jumped towards the roof's edge, my mind swearing it saw a blur of white and brown flash down the street. Peering over the tile to find what caught my attention, I gasped, gut squeezing tightly as my eyes shadowed the person running the opposite direction of where they should be going. Wasting no time, I ran the length of the roof, keeping my eyes on the individual – able to identify it was female – and track where she was headed. Following this woman, I jumped from roof to roof, clenching my teeth when I glanced downwards once more to see where this person was headed; and that's when I realized who this was.
Jacqueline!
Tightening my grip on both handhelds, I jumped down, swinging through the street until I was close enough to yell her name, but quiet enough to not acquire any unwanted attention. "M-Mrs. Kirschtein! Jacqueline!"
Halting to a skid, Jean's mother froze as she glanced back at me, her fearful face somewhat brighter the moment she noticed who it was. "Oh my – Emalina!" Running back towards me, I held her close in a tight embrace before pulling the woman closer towards the building, hoping to blend in the shadows.
"Mrs. Kirschtein what on earth are you doing?!" I whispered harshly. "You should be evacuating towards the Wall like everyone else!"
"I – I was, trust me! But I couldn't...I needed...!" Dropping her head into both hands, her shoulders started to shake with sobs as I pulled her close.
"Jacqueline, tell me what is going on. I need to get you to the gate before it closes!"
Wiping her face, she gently stated, "I was headed towards the wall, but had to come back. There's...there's a portrait of Jean I have at home and I-I wanted to take it with me."
"Mrs. Kirschtein..." I breathed. My mental state was set on surviving and protecting, but I understood her reasoning. How could I be upset? Inhaling deeply, I glanced in all directions, gaining my bearings and locating the Kirschtein house from our position. "Alright, we're not that far from your home. Here's the plan: I will take you there, you grab the photo and we head straight for the gate. Alright?"
"Yes!" She nodded frantically.
Breathing, I took hold of her shoulder, quickly moving between the buildings as I kept my senses on tracking any close titans. I was correct in stated we were close, and within a few minutes we were through her front door. Closing the wood behind me, I watched Jean's mother run upstairs as I viewed the home I had only been in once before. It remained unchanged and I was thankful for that. Having only been here once, I still considered this place my home, or at least a homely place where I felt safe; this was where Jean grew up, and where Jacqueline lived.
We'd exchanged letters during the last half of our training and I grew to admire and love the woman. She took me in that one night, allowing me a place to stay and food to eat, treating me as if she'd known me for a long time, to which I was grateful. Yes, she was Jean's mother and I wanted to treat her with respect, but respect wasn't due on his behalf when I truly cherished the woman. She raised Jean all on her own after her husband left for another woman; she fed him, clothed her son and raised him to be a somewhat gentleman, but still a good man.
Maybe this why I took her back home instead of going straight towards the gate.
"I got it!" Jacqueline stated quickly, running down the stairs as she met me by the door. Holding the portrait in my direction, I took the wooden frame, fingers tracing over the glass of Jean's structured jaw, appreciating the likeness of the drawing. Swallowing the sudden sadness, I gave the frame back towards her as I clasped the door handle.
"We head straight for the gate. Run as fast as you can, alright? Do not call my name unless you need help, that way I know you're in trouble. Alright?" She nodded, and just as I opened the door, Jacqueline tugged on my jacket. Noticing her wide eyes, I asked, "What's wrong?"
"I...Emalina, please, can I...ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Can you tell me where Jean is?" she pleaded, clutching the portrait closer to her heart.
Sighing, I sheathed my blades and took hold of her shoulders, looking her square in the eye. "Jean is with the other soldier trainees who were sent to guard the central part of Trost. Each were separated into their own squads; which squad he is in, I have no idea because I was listed to join the Elites in the back." Body shaking, Jacqueline dropped her head, but I adamantly said, "Listen at me." She raised her eyes, the same color as her sons. "Jean will survive, I know the soldier he has become; he is strong and keen on how to use our ODM gear to his advantage. Your son will not fail."
"I..." She dropped a tear but was still able to give a small smile; I was only hoping my words were of some comfort. "Yes, you're right. Jean is a stubborn boy but he is strong. I will see him again."
"You sure will. And when this is all over, the three of us will have dinner once more." Smiling at the idea, I checked the outside again as I motioned for us to leave. There were still no titans in sight and I was questioning my luck. How could there still be no titans? Regardless, I held Jacqueline's hand tightly because her life depended on it, and I would do anything to save this woman. She was Jean's mother, and she was a woman I wanted to see again in the future.
And so, we ran.
Fleeing through the deserted streets, we moved quickly, and the closer we grew to the gate, the more concerned I became. The wall was two streets over and suddenly, my feet halted, Jacqueline running into my back as I turned in the direction we just came, gasping as the noises I heard were confirmed. Before us, a few hundred or so feet away, stood two different titans, one a ten-meter and the other, a five-meter, their ugly faces moving in our direction as they turned around the corner.
"Oh god..." Jacqueline muttered, body trembling as she stepped backwards, wanting to escape. Standing in front, I removed my blades, gripping the handles as I kept my eyes on the two monsters, their heavy steps slowly inching towards us.
"Run," my voice commanded, never once looking back. The moment I lost vision, our deaths would be imminent. Whimpering, Mrs. Kirschtein didn't move and I hated to raise my voice, but this wasn't a time to panic. "Run, run to the gate – now!"
Her footsteps thumping against the stone, I was content when the distant sound of her running diminished, comfortable knowing she was a far enough distance away so I could take down these beasts. One step forward led into running, swinging into my harness, directing my body to swivel and spin around the buildings before linking my wire to the shorter titan's neck. Gas increased and momentum leading me forward, I hurled my arms, blades slicing through the thick skin, having landed the killing blow.
"One down," I muttered, never stopping my movement; as soon as I stopped, I would die. And I was not ready to die.
As the smaller titan fell dead, its body dissolving into the air, my attention caught off guard to see the ten-meter lose desire with me and was moving quickly towards Mrs. Kirschtein's direction. Raging with anger, I screamed, bursting my speed as swift as it allowed, inching closer and closer, still out of range for an efficient attack.
The wall was growing closer and I was unaware the gate being blocked, the remaining citizens trapped to an attacking titan. My hands were stinging from my grip on both handhelds, fingers turning white as I held the specific levers down, allowing me to fly through the air. I needed to beat this titan; Mrs. Kirschtein and the lives of others were on the line; their blood would be my responsibility.
"You stupid bastard!" I cried, raising my arms up to attack, noting, at the last minute, the titan's arm raised to smack me out of the way. Spinning, I pivoted around the damn limb, barely missing being smack to death. Wires wedged in its skin, I landed on the head and stomped my foot before jumping off and slicing its neck, killing it instantly. Falling with the titan until it collapsed onto the street, I jumped a second before it crashed, my feet skidding against the stone as I stood tall, watching my handiwork. I was proud, for I just defeated my first two titans.
And by god, it felt so fucking good.
Inhaling deeply, my limbs slightly shook; it wasn't out of fear, but from excitement. It had taken five years, but I was finally on my way to becoming a Scout, finally able to prove
I gained the ability to protect my family, my friends – to protect Jean.
"Emalina! Oh thank god!" Shaken from my thoughts, I was grabbed from behind to see Jacqueline hugging my life away. Several other individuals smiled as they thanked me before quickly making through way through the gate, some holding their children close as others were all alone. "Emalina I was so scared for you!"
She made me laugh and considering the way our day was headed, I would need it. "Thank you, Jacqueline, but I'm fine. This is what I trained for, this is what your son has trained for."
"You're..."
"Ma'am, I'm sorry but we need to close the gate." It was Ian as he jumped down from the roof, Mikasa by his side. Mrs. Kirschtein nodded as she turned to leave, looking at me one last time.
"I am so thankful you helped me, Emalina. This portrait of Jean...I held it every night before I went to bed while you both were at training." Quiet for a moment, she continued. "Please, I have a favor to ask."
"Anything," I answered, just as before. Taking her hands within mine, I wanted this woman to know I cared for her. Jacqueline wasn't my mother, not, and yet, I saw her as a mother figured I had missed these last five years, someone I could turn to if in need.
"Please, please keep my son safe; h-he's all I have left," she said, tears forming in her eyes.
"Without a doubt," I answered instantly. "Your son, Jacqueline...I love him, and regardless of a titan attack or something else, I would do anything in my power to keep him safe. I will bring him home safely and we will survive this day."
"You, you truly...?" Widening her eyes, she realized what I had stated.
"Yes," I smiled, knowing she understood my intent. Just with her son, I wanted Jean's mother to find hope in my words. "But you need to go. I'll find Jean and we will protect each other. After this is over, we'll find you, I promise."
"Thank you, thank you!" Embracing me one last time, I watched the woman walk away, our gazes connected and held until the thick, stone gate lowered before attaching to the ground once more. Hand upon my shoulder, Ian nodded his head.
"Your first kills were respectable, I'm impressed; very strategic with good use of your gas. No wonder you were ranked number one."
I scoffed. "Thanks, but that's just a number to me. I won't be using my rank to join the MP's."
"You won't?" he questioned, a look of surprise crossing his features.
"No, I've...never wanted to join their regiment. Ahh?" Holding my hand out, I was shocked to feel the patter of water droplets against my skin. Rain instantly poured from the sky, the very heavens crying over the death and destruction this city would see by the end of the day. Tugging my jacket closer to my body, I adjusted the straps of my gear in certain places, accepting the coldness of the rain seeping into my bones. It was then I heard it: the heavy reverberation of their footsteps.
There were more incoming titans.
Drawing both blades, my eyes narrowed in anticipation. I'd been wanting to murder these beasts the moment my parents were eaten. The battle to obtain revenge had long been gone from my desire, replaced with my need to defend all around me, whether I knew them or not. This intensity only grew through training and there was no way in hell this desire would ever diminish, for I befriended some amazing people. If need be, I would lay my life on the line for them, no questions asked.
Ian, Mikasa and I flew through the air, going in different directions as we all slayed titan after titan, their lifeless forms crashing into buildings and streets, steam the only remembrance of the threat they once had in our world. But it wasn't enough. Slicing through the necks of more titans, it was a never-ending process. When I began training with the ODM gear, way before I joined the Cadet Corp, I'd always considered myself flying when in the air. This would be the first time I'd actually used the military gear in order to take down these monsters. Now, I wasn't just flying. This was a form of dancing.
A dance of death, it seemed, as the scent of blood flooded my senses.
Rain continued to pelt into our bodies, the downpour not letting up as the sky darkened and remained grey. My blades had probably eliminated a dozen titans, possibly more, not including what the rest of the Elite Squad had done. Attacking the last titan in the area, I stopped atop the closest building, tossing my dull blades to the ground and replacing them as Ian and Mikasa joined our side.
"How can you two be so nonchalant about all this?" His sudden question had my ears raised as we both turned sharply to the elite soldier. "I'm sorry, that was inconsiderate." Mikasa only pulled the red scarf over her face as I answered for the two of us.
"Because we've seen what the titans can do; this isn't anything new."
Ian gasped. "You mean...? You're both from Shiganshina?"
"I am, not her," Mikasa answered, still not looking in his direction.
Rubbing my arms, I said quietly, "I'm from Uma." I never thought it would become this easy to say the name of my hometown.
"Uma..." he gasped. "Levi never stated that."
"That's because I asked him not to; I was the only survivor." Our conversation cut short when another Elite soldier dropped beside Ian, relaying a quick message before leaving.
"Alright. It seems we're in the clear, we can now scale the wall."
"Not just yet, sir. I'm gonna help the Vanguard withdraw!"
"Ackerman, wait!" But she sped off through the air, jumping from roof to roof until she was out of sight. Taking a deep breath, I readied my handhelds, knowing the remaining Vanguard could be anywhere, or if there was anyone remaining. "You're headed with her, huh." A statement, not a question.
"Yes," my voice firm. "Our task was to have all the citizens safely evacuated, and we did that. I need to make sure my comrades return safely. Their lives are just as important!" Though I intended to stay firm, my temper was rising at the thought of my friends' locations, the possibility that they could be injured – or worse.
"Then go, I commend you and Mikasa for wanting to help them. Just stay safe and make it back alive. You're an incredible soldier Varlen, and I would be disappointed if we lost you; you'd make a great Garrison."
Smiling, there was a reason I had always liked Ian. "Tell Levi that next time you see him, you might make him laugh."
"Ah, I see," he laughed as well. "We'll save that talk for another time. Go. Help your friends, especially that male from earlier, he seemed pretty special to you."
"Yeah," my voice was soft. Despite the cold of the rain, my cheeks were heated. "He is, and I would be lost in this world without him." Jumping off the rooftop, I was gone, soaring through the wind, taking down any and all titans I saw. Seeking my comrades was now my goal, yet, where was I to look? Where would they be? Better yet, all the trainees were separated in squads, were the squads still divided or were they all together?
Oh, how I wish Levi was here with me.
Levi, and the entire Scout Regiment, left earlier that morning for a reconnaissance mission to patrol the surrounding area. I wasn't there when they left through the gate, rather giving him my goodbye after breakfast, having the man make me the same promise he always had before leaving on another mission: that he would always come back to me. The man saved me from certain death, and since then, I have stayed by his side, studying his techniques and learning all that I could. For two years before joining the Cadets, I was glued to Levi, the man becoming the first individual I learned to trust after the death of my parents. And in the two years I lived among the Scouts, Levi Ackerman has become a man I love with all my heart; a friend, a future comrade, but most importantly?
I love him as the brother I never had.
~ oOo ~
Flashback
One Day After Titan Outbreak
"Run, Freyja!"
I remember screaming into the hours after dawn. The day before had been a living hell when the titans had broken through the wall and attacked, with my steed and I racing against the clock to find safety and other survivors. Trost District was the only walled city I'd traveled too and knew where to guide my horse, though the traverse from my destroyed village had been a nightmare. Having been chased by titans, not knowing how I evaded them the remaining day and into the night, it amazed me I had even survived.
When day broke less than twenty-four hours after my parents were eaten, I came across the buildings in front of the gate leading to the city of Trost. My voice had never been so loud as I screamed and screamed, begging someone to open the gate, someone to save me. My voice encouraged nearby titans to follow my trail and before long, there were three titans of varying heights chasing me, closing in the closer I grew to the gate.
Shrieking and yelling hadn't been enough as my body was thrown from Freyja's back when a titan's foot nearly crashed into her, launching me to the ground. Before I could even understand what had happened, the tightness of a monstrous hand clamped around me, lifting me towards its opening mouth, my voice falling quiet as I accepted my end. Death flared through my nostrils, the sickening taste of rotting flesh stuck within the titan's teeth, my eyes gently closing, willing myself to stay calm, to remember the happiness I had within my short life.
But then there were human arms hoisting me away, soaring through the sky as death receded, allowing my life to continue in living until my actual time to die was on my doorstep.
"Oi! Are you alive?"
All I remember was seeing a male holding a stoic expression, his semi-long black hair flowing in the wind as steel-grey eyes penetrated mine. The strong voice I owned was now weak, raw from screaming for help. My whisper had the man widen his eyes. "Save my horse...please, save Freyja."
~ oOo ~
Flashback
Three Days After Titan Outbreak
"It would seem you're awake. How're you feeling?"
Groaning at the voice entering my ears, I rolled over in bed, taking my time to wake up and clear my vision. Once my sight could see my surroundings, I grew frightened, forgetting everything that happened, momentarily wishing for my mother and father. Crying their names, the man who spoke grabbed me by the shoulders, his deep, soothing voice drew me back down to his level, the tears streaming down my face cold and full of hopelessness.
"Where..." Swallowing nothing, considering my throat was raw and parched, I struggled to speak and ask questions. "Where am I?"
Standing before me was a tall man with the required military uniform, his jacket sleeve stitched with the insignia for the Scout Regiment symbol. His blonde, combed-over hair and thick eyebrows was an image I'd seen from afar, yet I knew his identity: Erwin Smith, the thirteenth commander for the Scouts. Taking a seat in the chair next to the bed, he calmly said, "You are in the military Headquarters located within Trost District. Do you remember anything that has happened?"
"Umm..." Holding the sheets tightly within my fingers, the tears still fell. I knew naught how I managed to make it towards their Headquarters, but the events leading to my escape were clear as day. The memory was fresh and terrifying. "Y-Yes...t-the titans broke through Wall M-Maria and...and..." The scenes were flooding back in frozen images.
Friends bitten.
Neighbors devoured.
Voice screaming.
Endless shrieks of the dead.
Blood feel upon Uma like a thunderstorm bringing fresh rain. Drops of deep red stained the grass with limbs, severed heads and lifeless eyes falling onto me, the only survivor to make it out with my life.
"MOM! DAD!" My voice found its ability to scream, and that's all I could do. Calling for my parents, yelling all the gory details I witnessed; everything poured from my mouth whether I wanted it to or not. There was a hand softly rubbing my back, allowing me to release the memories without prejudice.
"Oi, Erwin!" came the same voice I remembered. My head raised, blotchy red and swollen eyes able to recognize the man who saved me from death, his short stature closing the door behind him to the small room I currently occupied. "What's the brat crying for?"
Sniffling, I bravely answered this man. "I-I-I'm not a b-brat!"
"Then stop crying."
"Levi," Erwin stated firmly as the Captain dragged another chair to the opposite side of the Commander and took a seat. "Let her be. It seems she witnessed the titans attack her village."
"Tch, so we need to find this brat's parents."
"I DON'T HAVE ANY PARENTS!" My voice screamed again, it seemed that was all I could do lately. Struggling to kneel on my knees, I stared down Levi, my posture firm despite the frailness I felt in my bones. "My entire village was eaten before my eyes and my parents were one of them! I'm the ONLY survivor!" Punching his arm, Levi remained stoic as he leisurely moved his gaze to the spot on his arm I smacked and my red eyes. "S-So don't call me a b-brat for crying, you a-asshole!"
And though I had seen Levi smile several times in the years I've known him, that day was the brightest one he has given me. The second I blinked didn't compare to the swiftest movement the man possessed as he placed my body to sit on his lap, arms securely holding me as I allowed my head to fall into the crook of his neck. My tiny fingers compared to Levi's held onto his shirt with barely any fight I had lingering, a fresh wave of tears soaking his weird neck tie while his arms held me firmly.
"Then continue to cry, brat."
"S-Stop being n-nice just cause I-I punched you." I could hear Erwin laugh in the background though all my senses ignored him. Levi's beating heart entered my ears, the gentle thump-thump-thump slowing my need to cry, allowing myself to finally breath fresh air.
Leaning close to my ear, Levi's sarcastic voice was soothing, his words held a truth I didn't understand at that moment. "Don't get used to it brat, you just remind me of myself. Remember that it's ok to cry for the ones you've lost."
~ oOo ~
Flashback
Two Months After Titan Outbreak
"Levi. Levi?"
"What the hell do you want, shorty?"
"Agh! Seriously, we've been over this before. I'm getting taller!" I walked into the Captain's office at Headquarters, tray in hand with steaming cups and some light snacks. "Besides, I, uh...brought your tea like you asked me too." Placing the tray on his desk, I stepped back, waiting for the man to finish the current paperwork before sipping the concoction. As he held the rim of the teacup rather than the handle, he sipped the steaming drink, neither smiling or frowning.
"It's adequate at best, but consumable," was his first statement before continuing to complete the pile of paperwork stacked on his desk.
I smiled and jumped in the air.
Levi and the other Scouts had me run various errands for them since they saved me two months ago. Erwin allowed me to stay with them until they were able to find a permanent home for me, but with the other citizens struggling for shelter since the fall of Wall Maria, this was the best option for me. Personally? I loved it. The condition to my stay in the Scouts section of Headquarters is that I would occasionally work with various members and run their errands or do anything they might need.
I made Levi's tea.
I delivered paperwork for Erwin.
I even talked throughout the night with Hange and Moblit about their titan theories.
And the best part? Erwin introduced me to Annamarie, who was both the head Equestrian Technician for the Scouts and the Equestrian Instructor for the Cadet Corps. When not around Levi, I was attached to Annamarie. She knew the village I was born and instantaneously respected my passion and skills with horses, having me work by her side in the Scouts stables, training incoming foals for future expeditions. And though we hadn't done so yet, Annamarie had already spoken with Erwin and Ketih Shadis – whom I hadn't seen in some time – about me accompanying her to assist in working with the new recruits for their equestrian training.
The two agreed, knowing and understanding my knowledge would benefit both sectors within the military.
"Oi, shorty."
"Yeah?"
"Shouldn't you be at the stables with Annamarie."
"Oh, oh yes." I scrambled out of his office, my voice echoing down the hall, "See you at dinner, Levi!"
That's typically how I spent my days. Most of the time I relaxed in Levi's office, lounging around on the couch reading whatever I could find or trying to recreate from memory a specific notebook my father had that'd been passed down from his father, and his father before him. The contents were on the secrets and techniques my family used to breed and raise steeds for the military. If I wasn't in his office, then I was with Freyja. I was so thankful to learn the Scouts were able to save my best friend, for she was the only remembrance of the life I had, and where I came from.
Later in the evening, I joined the other members in the room they occupied for dinner, rather than consuming their meal in the Mess Hall with the Garrison stationed in Trost. Since the ability of cooking meat has diminished, having lost a good portion of our land for grazing and farming, we had been eating potato soup and bread, though it wasn't all that bad, considering the alternative: having no food at all.
"Levi, were you able to complete those forms I gave you?" I was surprised to see Erwin joining with us this evening, as he mostly had his meals in his office, due to the work he had to complete for the Scouts.
Spoon in hand, the Captain pointed the utensil towards the Commander. "Yeah, yeah, you'll get them when I finish."
Erwin could only laugh at the man's statement. "As long as it's on my desk by tomorrow." Glancing at me, Erwin asked, "And what of you, Emalina? How are you faring?"
Sitting beside Levi, of course, my head nodded enthusiastically. "I'm doing good. Oh! My tea skills have increased. Levi says my tea is now adequate and consumable!" Tugging on Levi's sleeve, I caught the man's attention, his eyes that were always narrowed turned in my direction. "You'll drink my tea again, right?"
"As long as the tea doesn't suck, then I'll drink it."
In response, Erwin smiled genuinely, causing me to giggle, along with a few others members at the table as well. "That is good to hear. Emalina, I have a task for you in the morning, so meet me in the office when you can, alright?"
"Yes sir!"
Next to me, Levi patted my head. "Don't push yourself to hard, shorty."
"I won't!"
More members laughed, yet there was one individual towards the opposite end who chuckled lowly. I hadn't learned his name; he didn't seem to approve of me being here as I wasn't of age nor a Scout. "Little Emalina, so attached to Captain Levi, like she's his little sister!"
"Watch it, cadet," Levi stated warningly.
"Wha', it's true! She survived from the titans, made it all the way here but she can't go one day without sitting next to big brother Levi?" Downing his gaze on me, he saw the straightness on my posture, the glare I had, begging the embarrassment of tears to not fall. "Aw, is the little girl gonna cry?"
"Cadet!" Erwin commanded, growing tired of this man's antics, though he, and the other Scouts, gasped, for I stood to lean over the table, tossing my drink into his face.
"You fucking jerk! You don't know anything!"
And I ran, away from the crowds watching my form exit the room. Running up the stairs two at a time, I shoved past any who saw, making my way towards the top of Headquarters. Standing on the tip of the tower, the highest place in all of Trost, I could see all across the district as I sat along the edge, legs hanging against the nothing but the air. Stars brightened the sky as I stared upward, ignoring the citizens below my feet, returning home after a long day at work.
Two months had passed since the titans broke through, causing hell for everyone living within the interior between Wall Maria and Wall Rose, including the outpost cities. It had been tough within Headquarters, from my knowledge and observation, but my heart grew slightly cold; I didn't care about others, only myself and those who saved me. Two months since I lost my village, the horses I raised, and my parents; two months clinging to Levi's side, for his presence calmed my near shot nerves into thinking I could trust others wouldn't die and leave me all alone.
"You shouldn't dangle your legs like that."
Levi's presence was closing in, but I didn't register his form, even as he claimed his usually seat beside me. Brightly in the sky, the stars seemed brighter, or was that my imagination? "You say that all the time," my voice whispered.
"Because it's dangerous, brat."
"...yeah" Hung head low, I didn't want to answer more. Why was he even here? The Scout was right, I've clung to Levi every day since he saved me from being eaten alive.
"Shorty, listen to me." Warmth flooded through my clothing, noticing Levi wrapped his arm around my shoulders, yanked me into his side, my own arms dropping into my lap. "Forget what that asshole said."
I tried wriggling from his grasp, but the Captain refused to let go, though I shoved his sides and finally stood when his fingers fell. Walking across the small rooftop, my feet led me to the opposite corner, facing directly towards the gate leading out into tour recently lost territory. Right on the other side lay the bone fragments of the titan that nearly swallowed me whole. Two months ago could've been my last day on earth.
"But he's right. My parents only had me, I didn't have any younger siblings, though I always wanted an older brother. Someone I could look up to, someone who would protect me." Not surprised to find Levi behind me, my height was almost as tall as his, yet there were still a few inches to go until we stood at eyelevel. "I'll admit. At first I stayed by you cause I was scared; your face brought me hope since you were the one who saved m. But since then...I, I dunno..." Scratching my arm, it seemed weird explaining all this to him. Levi was stoic and overly blunt; those were rumors I heard from others soldiers. The Levi Ackerman I knew was dedicated and warm, gentle and...yes, he was a bit of an ass.
"I've...been looking up to you as a brother figure."
Silence rang loudly, vibrating with intensity in both ears. I understood. Words weren't needed; I was a fool for speaking. "Shorty, I'll say this again: don't listen to what the asshole said."
"Huh?"
His large hand patted my head, ruffling my short hair as he did earlier at dinner. His facial expression normally neutral, my surprise was evident when I noticed his lips curved upwards slightly. "In this world, we're allowed to believe we won't regret our choices or thoughts. Do you regret in thinking of me as an older brother?"
"...n-no."
"Then keep thinking that."
"...y-you don't mind?"
"No. Are you keen to know why, brat?" My head shook eagerly. "Shorty – Emalina," he corrected, having rarely ever stated my name. "You remind me of someone I used to know, a girl who was a close friend."
I'd never heard Levi actually state anything from his past. It seemed no one really knew the man down to the core. "What, what happened?"
"...she died, eaten by the titans last year."
"Oh...is it, bad? That I remind you of her?"
"Not at all, shorty." Encasing me in his warm arms, I found myself in a hug, the only solace I'd found since the titans silenced the life I once had. "She was like a sister to me, so I understand. If you see me as an older brother, keep it that way, for I see you as my little sister."
And...commence the waterworks.
"Oi! Brat, you serious?"
"...mhm...I l-lost my family and have no o-one...Don't say I'm your sister c-cause you'll just leave me too..."
"Look at me, Emalina." Wet blue orbs met grey. "Whether you want to or not, you need to hear this: the world can be cruel and people you get close to will die. Believing in people will stay by your side is your choice, but I won't leave you. The tea you make is passable, your cleaning is greatly improving and I'm amazed a brat as young as you is more skilled with horses than our own technician – but I will protect you. Isn't that what an older brother is supposed to do?
~ oOo ~
Flashback
Six Months After Titan Outbreak
Having completed different tasks for Erwin, I was granted the remainder of the day to what whatever I pleased. Content other Scout members wouldn't ask me to run more errands, I snuck around the Scout Headquarters, other soldiers who were acquainted with me nodded as we passed. Erwin decided its members needed a break from the district to work on their personal techniques in an area they were accustomed to. Since this castle-like structure was built some distance from Trost, there were open plains and forest landscapes where the soldiers could train. Heading to the first floor, my feet made way towards the equipment room; I'd been concocting this plan for some time, and was prepared for the consequences.
Having watched and traveled with the Scouts for training – within Wall Rose, of course – I saw first hand the use of ODM gear and how soldiers maneuvered their way through the air, as if they were flying, soaring like birds I could see escaping over the walls. It was fascinating! The entire ordeal with the straps, gas tanks, fan, blades and the handheld controls that manipulated all the movements? I had to try it for myself.
I wasn't stupid though; I knew using this gear set could be deadly if used inappropriately. Did that mean I was looking for my death sentence? No. I admired Levi and the others, respecting their strength, their conviction. Clearly, they decided to become a Scout for a reason; to join a regiment with a high death ratio, I would think the reason would be personal. Growing up, my father told me those who joined the Scouts were brave, having to put their life on the line every second they stepped outside the walls. So, if it wasn't personal, why would they join? Sure, I could ask those who were friendly to me, but I wanted to place my feet in their shoes, to see the horrors and wonders beyond the walls.
Here I stood, having just turned thirteen curious in what caused a person to become a soldier, why they chose the regiment they did. More importantly, what led one to decide they were willing to risk their death for others?
Having memorized the ins-and-outs of the equipment room, I "borrowed" a spare harness, hiding the leather underneath my shirt – albeit, failing miserably – crossing my fingers no one would see me. Ignoring the designated racks for the actual gear, my feet led me back towards the third floor, seeking Levi's office. The captain was currently in a strategy meeting with Erwin and the other Squad Leaders; the man would be preoccupied for some time. In the six months I'd been living with the military, Levi, obviously, was the one individual I was closest with, though I was proud as I was, slowly, opening myself up to the other members.
But in that time, I'd learned Levi preferred to keep his ODM gear in his room; the gear would not stay in the equipment room unless it was in need of repairs.
Smirking as I snuck up the stairs, my eyes swirled around my position within the hallway, making sure there were no witnesses as I carefully opened my brother's room, gently closing the wooden door behind me as my vision fell upon the treasure I had sought. And there it was, polished and siting as if it'd never been used. And I will say this: having watched others conform their bodies into the leather straps and wrapping them around your own frame are ENTIRELY different.
"How in the hell are they able to get these suckers on so quickly?!" I muttered quietly, not wanting to attract any attention if I could prevent it.
Yanking and stretching, pulling and groaning, time was lost with how long it took to perfectly place and tighten all the individual belts and whistles. By the time the leather was digging into my body – "The leather needs to be tight!" Hange once told me – my shaking fingers delicately grasped the ODM gear, knowing exactly how this equipment attached and which pieces to place first. Finally, when all mechanisms were connected and the damn weight had my knees shaking, I moved around the room, growing accustomed to the added pressure on my back and hips. Jumping, stretching, walking, jogging – as much as I could in the tiny office – I was ready!
Despite the missing equipment, I left everything intact before sprinting out of the building, somehow not being caught by another soldier as I hadn't passed any as I made my way outside. Tall, thick trees were fairly close to the building, so I sped towards the nearest patch. Closing in, I stalled, fingers flexing around the handheld controls, needing a basis for how to grasp the damn things. From there? Well, I had fun.
I hadn't just watched the others train. No; I had observed, studying their movements, vigilant in learning the simplest techniques of how the gear worked. Which lever did what, the triggers and the few buttons along the back and edges. Putting all the memories to practice, my fingers moved slowly, watching as the gear roared to life, gas swimming through the tank as it blew behind me, fan spinning quickly and the wires shooting forward rapidly, the hooks burrowing deeply into a tree trunk several feet away.
And then I was flying!
I stayed within the trees, glimpsing back at the fort to see if I had any unwanted attention. No one had lectured me on any consequences if I were to use anyone's gear; still, I assumed it wouldn't be good. I had to try! And try I did, for I swung from tree to tree, several times narrowly falling to the ground though I saved myself with quick thinking of the gear's controls. It hadn't been long since I grew airborne and gained a deeper insight of people using the ODM. It was fucking liberating! It wasn't the same exhilaration I had when riding Freyja; the difference was slight and I appreciated the freedom it momentarily granted me.
One insight still eluded me. Why did people choose to become a soldier? More importantly, why do they decide in joining the Scouts?
"Emalina Varlen! Get your ass down here. NOW."
Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit!
Landing on a thick branch, my head timidly turned towards the voice, and there he was: Levi. Arms crossed with a worse scowl on his face than I'd ever seen, his dark eyes followed my every move as I flung myself on the ground, walking in his direction with my head hung low. Embarrassment that I'd been caught: check. Scared of the lecture or anger Levi would bestow me: check. Feeling ridiculous that I "borrowed" his gear knowing full fell I could be in trouble no matter what: also check. Standing before him, neither said a word until I glanced upwards, the man shaking his head and grasped his nose in annoyance.
"Emalina," he growled. "What the fuck were you thinking." I couldn't tell what was worse when Levi was mad: when he lowered his voice or when he raised it. For the sake of my impending doom, I believed he to be too quiet, furious individual.
"...do you want the truth or an excuse?"
"The truth, you brat, now."
"I...I wanted to..."
"Speak!"
Jumping, my arms crossed, voice small and shy, knowing Levi wouldn't accept any answer, whether it be the truth or a lie. "I wanted to understand why people join the military. Why they choose the Scouts..."
"Emalina..." Exhaling, didn't reply to my answer as his fingers moved across my body, unclasping the gear and removing all items completely. I wasn't sure how long the ODM gear weighed me down, but with it off, my body felt lighter; it also felt bare, as if I was meant to have the gear attached to myself. Levi placed the different sections on the ground, leaving the leather harness on my limbs. "Do you have any idea how dangerous this was?!"
Jumping once more from his tone, my head lowered in shame. I expected this, knew I'd be in trouble depending on whoever discovered what I'd done. Still, getting yelled at by Levi, the man I saw and loved as my older brother, was still upsetting.
"So you stole a harness and someone's gear from the equipment room. Whose gear is this anyway?"
"...y-yours," I hesitated in answering, knowing full well my ass was about to get chewed.
"Tch, so you waited until we were in our meeting, stole a harness and then stole my gear?"
"I wasn't stealing! More like...borrowing..." Levi hardened his glare; I was forever doomed. "Believe me or not Levi, but I've been wanting to use ODM just like you and everyone else! I've watched you train and know how it works!"
"You were careless! Watching me then using this on your own are two different things! What would've happened if there had been an accident? What if you fell and injured yourself, who would've found you? No one knew you were out here!"
"So what if I got hurt, Levi?! Besides you and Erwin, the others only treat me as their errand girl, someone they can use to get their shit done! Compared to them, I'm the lowly survivor who clings to you because I have no one else!"
Shoving me against a tree, Levi held me there, one arm tightly holding my shoulder. "Is that what you think? From what I've heard everyone appreciates all that you do. They see a girl who survived from the titans on her own and continues to live despite losing everything!"
"That's not true..." I whimpered.
"Not true? Then how the hell are you here, brat? Why're you still living?"
All the strength I possessed shoved Levi off of me, my teeth clenched so hard blood pooled in my mouth. "I'm still here because I failed! Couldn't even save my parents..." My whimpering continued. "I just...ran away and watched...This is why I took your gear, to see if this is how..." I breathed, realization dawning on my mentality. "...if this is how I can save others. Because if I can use this, I won't fail again. I will NEVER fail in protecting those I can!" And then I ran.
Of course I ran, that seemed to be the only thing I could do these days, it became the easiest escape to take. I ran instead of saving my parents; I escaped being alone by clinging to Levi when I could've joined my parents; I avoided letting anyone down because it brought me happiness, knowing I was doing something right. In my room, I collapsed on the bed, sobs echoing across the room while my body curled into a ball. It hurt, mainly knowing Levi was right; I knew the others didn't see me the way I said they did.
Levi stopped by an hour later, his blank stare noticed my position on the bed, as I had moved my back against the wall, blanket wrapped around me whilst I had my arms held me knees close. He asked if I would follow him to Erwin's office and I agreed without saying a word, silently following Levi as we headed one floor up towards the Commander's room. Sitting perfectly behind his desk while scanning several documents, the tall, blonde man acknowledged our presence, having us wait until he finished.
"Alright, take a seat, Emalina," Erwin said after taking a moment or two. Once settled, Levi decided to stand beside me, arms crossed, ignoring the glance I shot at him. "So...I have heard from Levi of your adventure this afternoon, but I must ask. Are you alright? Your face seems slightly red."
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied somberly. "Levi and I...shared some words earlier and it...hit a little close to hear." Placing a hand over my heart for emphasis, I glanced at my brother once again, this time, our eyes met, his stare different from before.
"Yes, he told me the conversation you two had. I must reiterate what Levi has already said: what you did, Emalina, was dangerous and very foolish. ODM gear is not to be trifled with. Each year the Cadet Corp loses potential soldiers due to lack of respect for their equipment. Do you understand?"
Head hung low, I awaited my punishment, answering with, "Yes sir..."
"Emalina, you're aware I cannot simply let this pass. In taking a harness and another soldier's gear that was not yours, you need to face the consequences."
"...yes sir."
"However, let me ask another question. Emalina, have you considered becoming a soldier and joining the military?"
Blinking, my mind caught off guard from such a question, I raised my head, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "Um...I-I don't think the idea has crossed my mind. Besides, I'm not sure I'd be brave enough for such a thing."
"On the contrary, Emalina," Erwin spoke.
"Bravery has nothing to do with it." Finally speaking up, Levi turned to me as we both stared.
"It doesn't? Why not?"
"Emalina...being brave doesn't make you a soldier. Having the will to fight and breaking through the fear is what makes you brave." Kneeling down to my level, Levi never let go of my eyes. Since the day he held me crying after I was rescued until now, he had always been able to sense what I wasn't willing to say. "Shorty, remember earlier when I said that despite losing everything, you continue to move forward?" I nodded, immediately knowing why he was restating these words. "That's bravery, and whether you believe so or not, you have this fire in you that won't allow you to quit."
"Is...is that true?" Switching my sight between Erwin and Levi, the Commander nodded, agreeing completely with the Captain's observation.
"There's talent hidden within you, shorty. I watched how you maneuvered yourself before stopping your little shenanigans. Hate to say this Erwin, but the brat can use ODM without proper training."
Chuckling, the Commander stood, walking around his desk until they both stood in front of me. "Considering you were self-taught, Levi, it doesn't surprise me you two view each other as siblings."
"Wait. You're self-taught?!" Smiling, Levi noticed my excitement and smirked, ruffling my hair as he always had.
"That's a story for another time, shorty."
I still wasn't sure what my punishment would be, but Erwin gave a smile of his own. "There is...one other thing Levi said as well." I cocked my head, not sure what else could've been stated about their disagreement. "It would seem your will to protect others."
Abruptly standing, I moved away from both males towards the office windows, watching several members down below. Neither said a word as I observed the scenery. "Maybe...maybe as Scouts you can understand better than someone else...but I have never seen death, that is, until the titans broke through. I didn't just witness a death – I saw a massacre. And...whatever Levi told you was right."
The tears were there once more, but I let them be free. "I may only be thirteen, but I know death is inevitable. I may have failed to save my family, though I will not fail to save others. Erwin?" Looking at the older man, I questioned his reasoning. "Why did you become a soldier?"
"A very good question, Emalina. I fight for humanity, to win against the titans; most of the Scouts have a similar reason. So, what about you? Levi says you have a fighting spirit and I see it every day. What're you willing to fight for?"
Fists clenched tightly, I faced the two men, determination apparent across my features. This whole time, I probably knew what my reasoning was, why my spirit was fighting so hard to live and breath another day. When Erwin asked if I had considered joining the military – I lied. Being surrounded by both the Scouts and Garrisons on a daily basis, how could I not. Stealing the ODM and testing it out truly was my way of knowing if I was in a place meant for me.
"To protect all I care for. Like I said, death is inevitable, still, if I can prevent further casualties, I will risk everything. Since losing my parents, I've learned this: risk your life to save the ones you love. I-I know I didn't abandon in saving them...yet that feeling of failure haunts my very dreams."
"Sounds to me like you want to defeat the very creatures that have silenced you," Erwin proposed.
"I do," my voice quiet, as I glanced out the window once more. "And you're right, Erwin, they have silenced me."
"Tch, you act like your silence has become your friend."
"That's because it has." Breathing in and out, I'd made my decision. Even if I decide today, there was still less than two years before I'd be eligible to join, my choice might change. For now, it might be rash, I was agreeing with my heart, paving the way my path was directed to lead. "I will become a soldier, and I will find my own way to protect those I care for."
Clasping my shoulder, Erwin nodded; whether he knew this would be the outcome, I knew naught. "You have some time to choose which regiment you would join, though I hope the Scouts will be where you stay."
"I can't say. This decision...thinking of becoming a soldier? It's all unexpected...I need to look into the other regiments. Who knows, maybe my reason will benefit from a regiment other than the Scouts?"
"That may be, Emalina. I've yet to see you in action, but Levi is adamant your talent is far superior compared to a fresh graduate. However..." Extending his hand towards my chair, I resumed my seat, Levi still standing on his feet, never glancing away from me or the Commander. "I have a proposition for you. Obviously, the choice is yours, yet if you do complete training and become a soldier, I would want you as a recruit for the Scouts. In these six months, I've noticed the work you complete. Emalina, you're efficient, responsible, perceptive, intelligent, persistent and headstrong. Including this unknown talent with ODM, I would be honored if you joined the Scouts. And if you did, here is what I propose: once a member after your training, you will be granted the ability to join Levi's squad. Also, when our regiment has extra resources on hand, we will travel on an expedition towards Uma and retrieve your father's notebooks, the ones you have mentioned before."
"...no..." Stunned into silence, I could only blink, while opening and closing my mouth.
"Yes, this is the offer Levi and I have discussed." Whipping my head towards the stoic man, he nodded as well, though I was still in denial. Joining the Levi Squad? Such a feat would be fantastic. However! To obtain the notebooks and journals my father held in possession which held all the secrets and techniques we used when breeding and raising our horses? Such an opportunity would be too good to pass up; though, I was still stunned. "It seems this has been enough information I've placed on your shoulders."
And think about his proposition I did.
Later that evening, I sought out both Levi and Erwin, letting the Commander know how I was interested in his proposal, yet still wasn't giving him a guarantee for joining, and asked if I could take my time to really consider. Erwin was patient and empathetic, giving me time I needed, whilst making sure he wasn't simply bribing me to join – though I still thought he was.
And so, with the grounding of my decision in the works, Levi immediately began privately instructing me, teaching me how to properly use the ODM. It was so much more than that. The man taught me his techniques, how to use the gear when riding a horse, the advantages and disadvantages based on the environment and anything else the male was knowledgeable on. Before I knew it, a year-and-a-half later passed, leading me to pack my belongings in preparation for joining the Cadet Corp.
Silence has been my friend, and so, I will fight. Standing as a new recruit, I vow to save those I love, the ones I have lost. Monstrous titans may have had the opportunity to diminish our ability to thrive, to live, but no more. Rising as a strong soldier, my sword will cut through the silence, allowing the scared girl I had been to blossom into a fighter, becoming someone who will confront the pain of death, never allowing family or friends to be eaten by those I vow to kill.
~ oOo ~
Shaking my head, I couldn't believe my memory would reminisce such events at a time like this. Slashing my blades left and right, it was nonstop in killing all the titans who dare cross my path, flying through the destruction of Trost. Such memories were in the past; besides, why now? Maybe it was because I knew Erwin and Levi would know what to do, yet, they weren't here, they probably wouldn't even return until their patrol was done.
Sliding against the slick tiled roof, I stopped moving, observing the area to see if there were other titans. Luckily enough, I couldn't see any, pushing myself forward, eyes continuously scanning all the rooftops I passed. "Marco, Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie...Jean...where in the hell are you guys?" Rain finally ceased to fall, my uniform drying quickly as I flew through the air, circling tall homes, even several bell towers. My vision couldn't see any of my comrades, the anxiety bubbling in my stomach increasing by the second. Hundreds of "what if" situations circled my thoughts: what if everyone was separated; what if they're injured; what if they're hiding in a random home; and worse, what if they'd been eaten.
"Stop thinking like that, Emalina!" I screamed at myself, motivating my hope to stay alive. Until I found proof of their death, I would continue in believing my friends were alive. Rubbing the weariness from both eyes, my feet locked in place, taking a few moments to calm my near-shot nerves. Of all the knowledge I gained from Levi teaching me, there was one wise tip I would always remember. Other than never to regret my decisions, my brother taught me to always use my mind, to think before acting.
"Your emotions will try and get the better of you, but never let it dictate your actions. If you stop and think, you can determine what to do, but you can't take back a choice you've already committed, so make sure it's on you won't regret."
And so, I began to think. Plan in mind, my gear continued in leading me around the city. Before, I was focused on looking everywhere my eyes could see. Now, I was focused on searching the rooftops. In the time I left Ian, I hadn't seen nor run into another squad, leading me to believe they were all gathered somewhere, and a large rooftop would be the best place gather.
Five minutes, thirty minutes, two hours...by god, how long had I been searching? Every damn rooftop looked the same. "For the love of...where the fuck are they?" All I could do was growl, head swinging back and forth, scanning my left, my right, and then left again. Suddenly laughing, I couldn't tell what was worse, slaying titans or trying to find my friends; the later seemed to be winning. And then I stopped midair, feet carelessly landing on the roof right below me; tripping over my feet, all I could do was widen my eyes and confirm it was all real.
My friends, they were all there!
Several buildings away, I could see them, a cluster of several squads together; some stood and walked around, a majority sat, heads held low or were looking around. They were separated across different roofs, but still close enough together. Their fear was evident, even from my position. From where I stood, it was hard to see who all was there, so I flew across to the next building, frightened and excited all the same. The same "what if" scenarios from earlier surging forward in my mind once more; shoving them away, I concentrated on seeking who was who. Vision hopping from one individual to the next, the increased beating in my chest slowed when I recognized who all was there: Annie, Bertholdt, Reiner, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Armin and numerous others. They were alive!
"Wait..." Covering my mouth, I climbed the closest chimney. The height wouldn't make much of a difference; I was holding back to fly over, not until I could see one more individual. The male with copper-blonde hair and golden eyes. "Jean...where are...? Oh god..." He was there, sitting, head hung low as Connie spoke with him. Was something wrong? Not wasting another second, I ran the remaining length of the roof, leaping off as I zoomed straight towards my friends. My gas must've given my position away as several heads turned in my direction, some yelling my name, others watched as I closed in. Connie turned and noticed me as Jean lifted his gaze, meeting mine as my voice frantically called his name.
"JEAN!"
~ oOo ~
Remember! TEN comments within one week and I'll post the next chapter next Wednesday.
Chocobocolina :3