There Is A Reason

by DragonGoddess629

The moment Emalina Varlen loses her parents when Shiganshina fell, she decides to join the military in order to become strong. There she meets Jean Kirschtein and instantly there's a connection between the two. But one wants to join the Military Police while the other the Survey Corps. How will these two fare if they choose different regiments?

16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

I Don't Want Any Regrets

A/N: Told ya I'd post this chapter real quick. And as I have stated, this story does contain adult themes and maturity. And when will that first occur? In this chapter :)

I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Attack on Titan does not belong to me, I only own Emalina and any other OC's. The new story picture does not belong to me; I hold no Copyright and found the picture through Google Images.

~ oOo ~

Point of View

Emalina

Two Weeks Later
One Day Before Leaving to Karanes District

Waking up to find the glow from the morning sun seeping through the window, I rolled over onto my back, stretching my arms straight into the air, feeling my back pop several times. The space beside me was empty, as Jean hadn't slept in my room. Over the past month, there were several nights we stayed in our individual rooms, depending on the training we had done with the Scouts throughout the day. Yesterday had been brutal in preparing for the expedition, which was to take place the day after the next.

As Erwin promoted me to Squad Leader within Levi's squad, I had been in several meetings with the other leader's and Section Commander's. We discussed the overall expedition, the purpose of Eren's importance, what Erwin wanted to achieve and other required necessities. I knew there was some secretive agenda regarding this expedition, and if there truly was, all was withheld from my knowledge.

Aside from that, the other Scouts had been informed of my promoted rank. The ones who knew me before I joined the Cadet Corps congratulated me, while the others I wasn't all familiar with were slightly disdainful. Ignoring their glares, still being a new recruit, they had also been informed that I wouldn't officially join Squad Levi until the expedition was over. Having to survive and return from an expedition had been tradition before being considered to be a full-fledged member of the Scouts. Having requested this of Erwin, I asked to follow the tradition and he agreed; once we returned, I would then be apart of my brother's squad.

Rolling from the bed, I recalled the past few days; the tiredness I had felt was draining. I had returned late last night, leaving Jean and I very little time after dinner, my body crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. Days where I fell asleep my room were usually the ones where he would kiss my head and sleep in his own room. I understood, but waking up to his handsome, sleepy face was what I looked forward to each morning.

Yawning, I was ready to begin the day. As we would travel to the Karanes District in the morning, there was still one task that needed to be completed. Foregoing a shower, I dressed in a pair of shorts and a comfortable workout bra. Feet bare and hair in a lazy bun, I made my way down to the hall designated for meals; most of the Scouts were there, including my friends. Grabbing a plate and piling it high with food, I sat beside Sasha, her fingers slithering towards my bread before I'd even had a chance to question how she slept.

Slapping her hand away as we laughed, a warm arm wrapped around my waist, as I noticed Jean taking a seat beside me, his stare evident in noticing my choice of clothing. Kissing my cheek, I nudged his shoulder as we all began eating. Several minutes in silence, other Scouts around our position were deep in their personal conversations; most were discussing the next few days we had ahead. Towards the opposite side of the hall, I noticed Mikasa, Armin and Eren, the blonde returning my wave as he noticed my stare.

"What'd you guys think?" Breaking the silence, we all glanced at Connie, our short friend taking a bite from his bread, waiting for our answer. "Are we really ready for this expedition?"

"Who's to say?" I answered twirling my spoon in my porridge. Swallowing a few bites, I wiped my mouth, taking this time to think of his question. "I think we're ready as can be. Why're you asking?"

"W-Well…I mean, come on. It's only be a month since Trost, and we're expected to already go outside the wall to face the titans?"

"You're in the Scouts now, better get used to it, Connie." Seeing the fall in his expression, I shook my head, realizing how my words were be misinterpreted. "No, no, I didn't mean - !"

"I think," Reiner stepped in, waving his spoon towards our bald friend. "What Emalina means to say, is that the Scouts expect this of us because we're the ones who joined; this is our job now."

"Yeah…Yeah that's true," Connie admitted, biting into his breakfast. "Sorry. I made my resolve the day we joined, but with the expedition two days from now, it's finally hitting me we're to travel outside the walls. To see the titans once more."

"We all made our resolve," Jean joined in, focusing on his breakfast, then looking up. "But that doesn't mean we aren't scared."

"Don't worry, Connie!" Patting his shoulder, Sasha smiled, potato in one hand with bread in the other. "We trained as Cadets, and now we're training as Scouts. We're gonna be awesome!"

"Sasha, we can be awesome, but the titans are still out there…"

"Alright you brats, what's with the gloomy attitude so early in the morning?" Glancing upwards, Sasha and Connie flinched when they noticed Levi was standing before us, hand firmly holding the rim of his steaming cup of black tea. Eyes moving from one new recruit to the next, he finally landed on mine as I smiled up at him; I knew he was happy, his lips barely curled upward. "Are you all too scared to fight like soldiers?"

"No sir!" Sasha and Connie claimed together.

Chuckling, I quickly hugged my best female friend. "Come on guys, stop freaking out around my brother. He's only making sure you're ready for our mission. He needs you to keep your focus on keeping your comrades safe, if they need your help."

"We've got this, Captain Levi," Reiner smiled. "You can trust us, we're more than ready."

"Tch, don't suck up to me, Reiner Braun. You may have survived Trost, but this is different." Cup placed onto the table, Levi flattened both hands onto the wood, his narrow stare fixating on those around him. "Emalina's right; I need to know, right here and now, that I can trust you'll keep your shit once we're past the wall."

Reiner, Connie and Sasha were all sinking into their seats, while Jean and Bertholdt remained quiet. All their expressions were adorable, it was difficult repressing my giggle.

"Reiner's right, Captain Levi. We may be new recruits, but we won't fail you." Raising his eyes, meeting my brother's stare head on, Jean did not blink once. "We will not fail you, nor will we fail this mission."

Observing them, I was entranced in the stare my lower/partner/boyfriend - we still didn't really have a name for what we were - was holding with my brother. It lasted only a moment or two as Levi straightened, grasping his cup of tea, blinking. "Your word is one thing, Jean; but prove to me through action you hold no regrets. The same goes for all of you."

"Yes sir!" My friends spirits seemed uplifted, their smirks evident they trusted and believed Levi's word, as well as Jean's.

From his seat across from me, Reiner leaned over, his hand squeezed my head, ruffling my messy bun as I squealed, moving away as I laughed. "It's all thanks to you, Ema. You've been helping us all this past month in learning the scouting formation an' everything."

"Heh, well, sometimes you gotta learn from the best!" Shoving his hand away, I snickered, my vision narrowing evilly. "You shouldn't have touched my head, Reiner."

"Huh?" Palm upward, the bulky blonde slowly glanced at his hand before moving towards me. "…why?"

"Because I haven't taken a shower today."

"Ewwww!" A combination of voices from my friends filtered my ears. Bertholdt's expression was the best as my friend snorted his drink out his nose, quickly clearing his face with a spare cloth.

Scrunching his face, Levi wasn't all to pleased, the neat-freak he was. "Ugh, what the hell, that's disgusting, Emalina."

My eyes rolled in their sockets. Goodness, you babies, I couldn't resist in thinking. "Seriously? I'm gonna give Freyja a bath after this!"

"But why does that mean you shouldn't shower?" Even you Jean? Peering at him, he was equally disturbed.

"Oh my goodness…" Sighing, I slapped my forehead. "Guys, Freyja likes to play in the water, this has happened before. There's no point in me showering if I'm just gonna have to take another one afterwards!"

"Still…to think I've been sitting beside my partner who's just dirty - wait…" Smirking beside me, Reiner and Bertholdt turned into a fit of laughter, my cheeks growing red as the others understood his meaning. Slapping the man upside the head, the others stopped, their amusement halted as Jean's body shivered. Making his way around the table, Levi was the one to next slap the male across the head as well then walked to joined his squad across the room. Groaning in pain that my brother's hit was harder, our four friends all busted up in a fit of laughs and snickers.

"Alright, alright! Yes, haha, Jean got hit, that's funny," Jean growled.

"Oh don't worry, they're just upset cause you're cute." Kissing his cheek, my copper-blonde lover quickly wiping his face in playful annoyance. Removing myself from the bench, I stretched my back. "Alright, it is officially bath time for Freyja. If any of you need me, I'll be near the stables." Waving as I exited, my friends continued their chit-chat as I exited headquarters, the only one to be outside as everyone was either still sleeping or finishing their breakfast.

Once in the stables, I first grabbed a large wooden tub and a bucket, heading back outside towards the water spigot across the gravel. Filling the larger tub, I allowed the cool water to sit in the sun, hoping it would warm enough for Freyja to experience a decent bath. In the supplies closet, I grabbed soap, a brush and other additional items I would need. Once they were placed near the bucket, my feet led me to the back of the stable where my beautiful steed had her head already poking through the stall door.

"There's my pretty girl!" Neighing in response, Freyja nuzzled my cheek, her nose poking mine. Opening the door, I placed her harness and lead rope over my shoulder for later, guiding her out into the gorgeous morning light. Beside the bucket, I dropped the items, my steed counting into the dirt, nose already flinging itself into the water to splash and play. Flinging her snout upwards, I was met with the cool, wet liquid, having only slightly warmed in the morning sun. "Freyja!" Neighing more, I knew she was smiling in her own adorable way.

"You're just lucky you're cute." Snickering in response, she knew it was bath time, patiently standing as I used the small bucket to gather water from the tub. Hoisting said bucket into the air, I slowly lathered Freyja's body in the liquid, making sure to her entire coat and tail was wet. With the soap, I drizzled her coat, tenderly rubbing her body with the brush, taking my time to detangle her short mane, cleaning any spots of dried mud or dirt.

Standing impeccably still the entire time, Freyja was the perfect horse. She neighed here and there, swiftly moving her head every so often to lick my face when I was close, or even pawed her hooves into the muddy dirt. Her hooves were always the last to be cleaned, especially now. With her body all covered in soap, I allowed the suds to sit as I drenched her tail, massaging the thick locks until it was spotless. As the Scouts were leaving Headquarters in two days, I wanted Freyja to be cleaned and in her best care. Since this would be our first expedition together, I wanted my steed to be in tip top shape, for her to have high performance against the titans, but also, for our safety.

Taking the bucket, I doused Freyja several times, until the suds were all gone and she was sparkling like the beauty she'd had since her birth. Next was her face. Gently, and taking my time, I didn't want soap to get in her eye, but once this was out of the way and her mane all clean, Freyja was gleaming. Her black coat shimmering, the small white patches across her hooves and the star on her nose were clear of all dirt.

Sighing happily, I dropped the sponge into the bucket, scratching my steed on her nose. Whinnying, Freyja nudged my cheek as I laughed. "You never change, sweetie! You've always loved getting a bath. Let's do your feet, alright?" Nudging her to turn around to stand on the cobblestone, I would take care of each hoove.

That is, if Freyja would actually move.

"Sweetie, you know the drill. Come on, we gotta finish up, ok? Your hooves are the most important part!" Neighing and counting, my steed dropped one hoove into the dirt, now turned mud, flinging the watery soil directly at me. Squealing and laughing, my legs were covered in mud, all the while, my horse snickering as she jumped happily. Her once clean legs were now dirty again, and all I could do was watch as my best friend pranced around, not a care she just had a damn bath.

With a shake of my head, I groaned; my gut knew all too well she would need more than one bath. "Alright Freyja, you've had your fun." Grabbing the bucket, I turned to fill it with more water as my horse pranced behind me, her snout connecting with my back as she pushed - not nudged - she pushed me forward.

And there I fell, straight into the tub of still freezing water.

~ oOo ~

Point of View

Jean

As Emalina left, I remained with the others, our discussion having moved away from the expedition to our ODM techniques and strategies. Reiner was actually the one to hold the conversation as he, Bertholdt, Sasha and Connie all mentioned their gear's usage and what they should do if they found themselves in an open plain. Now, my mind was, indeed, paying attention as I voiced my opinion here and there, yet my thoughts were more focused on Emalina. From my arrival till her departure, I was impressed in the minimal amount of talking I had done, for I was distracted the entire time. And who wouldn't be? The woman was dressed in bare clothing, and then she was to give Freyja a bath?

Good god, my brain was doing everything it could to not think about the woman I loved soaking wet, covered in soap and bubbles.

Currently sitting around my closest friends, I was not gonna sit here and allow my mind to wander into territory that was only allowed for when I was alone.

Running a hand down my face, I abruptly stood. "Where ya going?" Sasha asked, still stuffing her face with bread she stole from Reiner.

"I'm headed to the stables, too. Ema reminded me I need to check on Trigger before tomorrow."

"Ohh, so it's not to see her then?"

"No." My words slipped a bit to quickly at Reiner's question. He wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right either. The other three snickered, their stares stating it all. Damn brute. "Laugh all you want," my voice mumbled, looking away as my cheeks burned.

"And we will. Damn, you're such a puppy for Emalina, Jean, it's kinda disgusting." Appearing from behind, my skin jumped; Ymir fucking showed up out of nowhere with her arms crossed.

"Dammit Ymir, I'm not a puppy!"

"Would you guys not pick on Jean?" Peaking around her best friend, Christa smiled up at me, always the one to stop any potential fights. I swear, she and Emalina had always been similar; and yet so different. "He and Emalina deserve to be together, so leave them alone."

"We're not saying they shouldn't be together, Christa," Bertholdt chimed. How is it Emalina could get him to talk but only when she's around? What the hell?

"Yeah!" Through her bread stuffed mouth, Sasha still managed to speak.

Patting her shoulder, Connie spoke for the girl. "In all seriousness, we're glad you two are finally together; honestly, we thought it would happen sooner. And I don't know about the others, but we do find it funny how you always end up leaving whenever Emalina does."

"I do not - !" Seeing everyone narrow their eyes - even Christa! - had me growling in pure annoyance. "S-So what if I do?! We like spending our time together! Ever since Marco… - ah, shit…" Rubbing my neck, I quit speaking; my friends knew it too, their expressions softening. "Fine, if you guys are done, I'll be with Trigger."

Glancing around at each other, my friends didn't say anything as three seconds passed before I turned to leave. "I'll go too." Bertholdt stood first, Reiner following behind. "Emalina might be on to something. I think it'd be productive to see if our horses need anything for tomorrow." Soon, Sasha and Connie were on their feet, even Ymir and Christa were following as we made our way outside, the sun only slightly higher in the sky. Trekking across the cobblestone path, the others were speaking behind me as I was the one to lead the way.

I stayed quiet. The accidental mention of my dead best friend's name was enough to cast me into my own silence. These last few weeks had been straining, apart from everything we had been doing as new recruits for the Scouts. In turn, the grief I had for Marco wasn't wanting to leave, and I knew it wouldn't for some time. Right after we joined, Emalina and I would talk most nights about his death, still preparing ourselves that he no longer was here with us anymore. As the days and nights passed, we were able to accept his passing more and more, our conversations diverging to other topics. Occasionally, our grief would consume one of us, and we needed the time to speak or be near the other for comfort.

Removing such thoughts, I turned the corner, seeing the stable not far away. Across the short path from the stable door, we spotted Emalina rinsing Freyja, her steed seemingly in love with water and wanted to do nothing except play. The others noticed this as well, their laughs loud and vibrant. Entering the stable, Trigger, my chestnut stallion, poked his head through the door, neighing the moment he saw me. Petting his matted coat, I opened the supply closet to grab a brush when the damn thing dropped through my fingers.

"FREYJA!"

Screaming, Emalina's voice chilled my core. Running outside, I didn't know what to expect. Did she get hurt? Did Freyja? What happened, what happened? Gathering around me, my friends and I all watched our dear Emalina; they could do nothing other than laugh their asses off.

I don't know how it occurred, yet it would seem Emalina had fallen straight into the tub filled with water, her entire body soaked, along with most of her hair.

From our position, I merely wanted to watch. Knowing she was not hurt was one thing; seeing how she had fallen and completely wet had my mind entering perverted territory once more. Slowly, Emalina grasped the side of the rub, rising with precision as she led one foot out of the tub, then the other straight into the mud. Now standing, the woman carefully raised her head towards Freyja, the steed promptly licking her masters face, knowing all to well what she'd done.

"Ohhh, you're not getting off that easily!" Bending, she scooped mud in her hands, flinging it straight at the horse as it bounced around, splattering the watered down dirt all over.

Standing there, the seven of us were in disbelief. My girlfriend, my partner, was currently having a mud fight with her horse. And it was the cutest fucking thing I had ever seen.

"Ok, so I get she comes from Uma and all that, but seriously, how is Emalina that talented? Come on! She's having fun with mud and the damn horse is playing along?!" Sputtering, it was interesting to see Ymir somewhat speechless and confused, the woman typically having a composed expression nearly all the time.

Bertholdt, leaning against the doorway behind us, said, "She's talented."

"It's her calling, Ymir," I answered, not even sparing a glance at the female as I stared forward. Observing for a few moments, they stated a few more comments on Emalina's ability to work with horses before returning inside to their own steeds. Reiner, Bertholdt and I were the only ones to remain. I could not look away. The carefree attitude she had and the way she just…released her inner spirit was something to behold.

"You know Jean, we joke and everything, but we really are happy for you and Emalina."

Eyebrow raised, I turned to Reiner, noticing his smirk. "So why do it?"

"Come on, man! You're fun to mess with!" Punching my arm, I pretended his fist hadn't hurt, but damn! Reiner Braun was a bulky male of nothing but muscle and steel. "You really are lucky."

"Emalina's one of a kind," our taller friend muttered.

"Man…what I wouldn't do to have a woman like that. She's a bit on the short side, but Emalina's a spit ball of fire in that small body of hers. Damn!"

"She's a talented one. Most things come naturally to her but she works hard all the time and is never conceited."

Casting my eyes between the two males, my mind replayed the words, and suddenly I was thinking back through the last three years. All the times they were with Emalina, their words, mannerisms, actions, glances. An unexpected question popped into my mind, leaving me with a sudden urge to ask. "You know, If I didn't know any better, it sounds like…you both see her more than just a friend."

Coughing, Bertholdt furiously shook his head, the man's cheeks flaring red; out of embarrassment in being caught red-handed or at my asking. Either way, it was there. Squeaking, he managed to say, "N-No, no!"

Reiner, on the other man, cackled proudly, clapping me on the shoulder. "Jean, seriously, that's ridiculous. Honestly, we're males; we can see how beautiful Emalina is for sure. We care for her deeply, bur she's our friend, and that's it. There's nothing to worry about."

"He's right, Jean. Emalina is special to us as our friend, nothing more."

"Alright." Still, it was weird how they were always complimenting, or ensuring she wasn't hurt. Even if they saw her differently than what they stated, I was trying not to fret. Emalina was with me, and I didn't want to be the type of guy who was constantly worried over those she was friends with, especially if they were male. "Can't blame me for asking," I mumbled.

"Nah, you just love the girl! Nothing wrong with that!" Screams threw our attention in the other direction, noticing how Emalina was now laying on her back in the mud, a bright smile covering her face. "She looks like she's having fun."

"Ema needs it." Sighing, Bertholdt pushed himself away from the doorway into the stable. "Hell, we all need it."

"I'm gonna join her." Stepping away before the two could reply, my feet led me from the cobblestone path to the dirt, boot clad feet meeting thick, watery mud. Bending down, I scooped the essence into my hands, readying and preparing myself. "Hey Ema!"

"Jean, hi!" My name left her lips before she turned, and as she did, I threw my hand forward, the ball of mud splattering right against her stomach. "Agh! What the hell?!" Giggling, the woman was nothing but smiles. Assuming she would attack me in the same manner, her arms looped around my waist, tackling me to the ground. Falling straight onto my back, now I was the one to be covered and drenched in the gooey mess.

Rolling off, Emalina stood, preparing for another attack as I found myself slipping in attempt to stand as well. Watching as she quickly molded a thick ball in her hands, Emalina threw her weapon, her aim pinpointed towards my face. Able to dodge just in time, her pile of mud zoomed passed my head.

"Ha!" I cried menacingly. However, my smile froze as Emalina squealed again. Gasping, both hands flew to cover her face as she pointed her finger behind me. Confused, I turned to find Bertholdt and our blonde friend in my shadow. "Oh…my…god."

"Umm, nice shot, Emalina," Bertholdt mumbled, barely able to refrain himself from releasing his laughter.

Beside him, Reiner managed to chuckle, mud spitting from his covered lips. Face completely covered, the male swiped over his closed eyes, clearing his vision. "Damn girl, what'd I ever do to you?"

"I'm so, so sorry Reiner!" Stepping forward to help remove the mess, Emalina was giggling, refusing to hide her amusement. Her throw had been perfect, missing me entirely and splattering straight into the face of our bulky friend.

"Don't worry, it was an accident. But…I think revenge sounds super sweet right about now."

Without a chance to question him, Bertholdt jumped to yer side, slamming his hands down upon her head, the man just grinned. Screaming, Emalina was left motionless as her head was lathered with the thick, watery dirt, clumps here and there stuck to her locks of hair. Slowly rotating until she was facing me, my girlfriend was laughing. Her entire scalp was completely drenched, several trails were slowly sliding down her cheeks.

Hiding my grin, I said, "H-He got you good!"

Snapping her head to the taller Scout, she cried, "It's on!"

With that, we spent our afternoon in such a manner; throwing mud balls and drenching each other with water. The simple fight between Emalina and Freyja had now turned into an all out war. Eventually, Sasha, Connie, Christa and Ymir were sucked in as well; the eight of us, Freyja included, happily fought one another, until our clothing and bodies weren't visible under the dirt. I wasn't sure how long we'd been going when Levi's voice suddenly shouted towards us; calling for his sister from his office on the third floor.

In lecturing how disgusted we looked, he ordered us all to take showers, and that if we had time to play, we had time to prepare for the expedition.

And so, after Levi closed his window, we all helped Emalina give Freya her second, and last, bath of the day. Everyone went their separate ways once the horse was clean, seeking a second shower as their bodies were slowly drying, mud caking over their exposed limbs. We were the last two to leave as we made sure to place all the equipment back inside the stable. With her horse bathed and prepared for the following morning, our mud-covered fingers intertwined as we entered Headquarters, heading to our individual rooms for a much needed shower as well.

Later that afternoon, we agreed to set aside a few hours to escape. We hadn't had a chance to be alone longer than a few minutes during the day, to be away from our friends, the other Scouts and Headquarters in general. Not knowing what would happen once we set out for the expedition in two days, I wanted to ensure we had this time just for ourselves. This last month had been hell, and Emalina deserved to know how much I loved her.

Out survival in Trost was nothing but luck. Now we were to go beyond the walls. This expedition could be the death for one of us, and I wasn't about to leave this world with any regrets.

~ oOo ~

"Did Levi give you another lecture from this morning?"

"Nah, not a lecture, more…that I should consider my hygiene and prevent myself from becoming so disgusting."

As promised, Emalina and I were finally by ourselves, with no one else around. Laying on a blanket underneath the warm sun, we were sprawled in an open, grassy plain. Having left Headquarters behind, we rode on horseback, Emalina leading the way, as she wanted to show me the perfect place she found when living with the Scouts. Forgoing our uniforms, we wore our casual attire; Emalina in her black dress, and I in my trouser, white button up and vest. It was a perfect afternoon; a gentle breeze coasted against our skin as we watched the clouds roll by. Arms folded beneath my head, we lay in the opposite direction; our heads the only part touching together as we stared upward at the sky.

Glancing over to see her eyes already facing me, I asked, "Seriously though, what has made your brother such a clean freak in the first place?"

"A-Ah, well…I don't feel comfortable explaining that, since it's Levi's past…All I will say is this: Levi was born and raised in the Underground City. Take from that what you will."

"The Underground City…oh damn, yeah, I-I think I get it now." Facing the sky, I stretched my back, suddenly embarrassed by my question. "You know…needing everything to be clean isn't necessarily a bad quality to have."

Giggling, my words had her smiling. "Thanks Jean, but it's alright. I couldn't understand his demand for cleanliness in the beginning; it took time, but I grew to appreciate that particular side of him. My brother's a softie at heart."

"Ohhhh yeah. The man everyone calls 'Humanities Strongest' is a big 'ol softie. He'll do anything he can to protect you, at least."

"That's true! Then again, he'd do anything to make sure people survive, especially his comrades."

"You know, looking back, I don't think I ever asked about you and Levi. How did the whole sibling thing came to be?"

Rolling onto her stomach, she reached over, plucking a small, purple flower from the grass, twirling its stem between her fingers. "We both kinda admitted it at the same time. When it came to be that I would stay with the Scouts, I ran errands for them, right?" I nodded. "It was only a few months after the wall was breached when another Scout rudely mentioned how I was clingy to Levi. And…being embarrassed, I ran. Levi followed me and I explained how I saw him as my older brother, who said he saw me as his little sister. The rest is, well, history, I guess."

"And it's been like that since," I stated. The whole story between her and Levi was actually really cute. The man could've pushed her away, and yet, he didn't; for that, I respected the man even more.

We grew quiet.

And it was ok. Emalina and I could stop talking and no awkwardness would appear. It was pleasant and my insides were at peace. Forget the environment and how gentle it was. Laying here with this woman by my side - this is peace.

When her soft giggle entered my ears, I opened my eyes, seeing her face close to mine. Fingers running through my hair, I was relaxed; a moan grew within my throat as her fingernails scratched my scalp. She moved some hair out of the way before letting go. "Oh my, you look so adorable, Jean."

"Me, adorable? Now how is that possible when you're laying right next to me?" Smiling, she touched her ear and I copied her movements to find the same flower from earlier behind. "Now isn't that a pleasant surprise." Sitting up, I was the one to move her beautiful locks away, swooping the long tresses over her shoulder. Folding the hair behind her ear, I moved the flower from mine to hers. "There. I think it looks better on your anyways."

"You think?" She asked, touching its soft petals.

"Of course, Ema." Kissing her head, I rotated my body until we were laying the same direction, our bodies rolling until we were on our backs once more. Suddenly, I was hit with a thought that, for some reason, had not once crossed my mind. "Hey Ema."

"Yeah?"

"I just realized something odd…"

"Oh, and what would that be?"

Sighing, I muttered, "I don't have a real nickname for you."

"Wait, what?" Now she was the one to sit up straight, bending both knees as she knelt on her knees. "No nickname? Then why have you been calling me 'Ema' all these years?"

"I mean…yeah ok, sure, that's a nickname, but it's three letters that are literally in your name!" Releasing a single laugh, I removed myself from the blanket. Back now straight, I crossed both my arms and legs, contemplating why I needed to express such words. "What with the friendship we've had, and now that we're…together…I wish there was something only I could call you. Something like the name your parents gave you." Surprisingly, Emalina smiled at the mention of her parents; the action caught me off guard as I quickly coughed to clear my throat. "Rosie's a unique name. How'd they come to name you that?"

"It didn't take them much to think of it, considering that's my middle name."

Again, another thought entered my mind I hadn't considered until this moment: I did not know her middle name. "So it's Rosie?"

She shook her head, locks of hair swinging around her face. "Not quite. It's Rose."

"Rose, huh?" Seeing how the name was smooth as it fell past my lips, I voiced her entire name in my head. Grinning, I spoke it aloud. "So…Emalina Rose Varlen." Better yet, I think I like Emalina Rose Kirschtein.

Oh damn.

"Yes sir, that's me."

"Mmm, I can see where they got 'Rosie' from. Or…" Gently pinching a section of her cheek, I wiggled her skin around, the woman left stunned and motionless by my action. "Considering you blush a lot, I could see why they would call you that, as it is similar in color."

Shaking her cheek free of my hand, she narrowed her eyebrows, glancing away from my devilish grin. "I-I do not blush as much as you say!"

"You're blushing right now."

Covering her face, the woman turned away, refusing to look at me. "I-I am not!"

"Ohhh, yes you are!" Taking hold of her wrists, I tried prying them away. Her blush, the one that always trailed to her ears, covered her freckles and the tip of her nose; it was exquisite. Her facial expression and how the rose color instantaneously appeared had always been intriguing. This moment was no different. "Come on, Emalina. Your blush is always beautiful."

Blue eyes opened over the tips of her fingers, wide and vulnerable. "B-But you said I blush all the time!"

"You do, and I still love it. Ema, when you blush, I grow weak in the knees." Slightly lowering her hands, they now only covered up to her nose. "It's something that only happens when you're around me. The way your cheeks turn rosy red, how you try to avert from looking at me, it's…" Dropping my chin onto her shoulder, my words fell into a whisper, drifting delicately into her ear. "…god, it's so fucking adorable, kitten."

Tensing beneath me, my body was quick to follow Emalina as we both realized my word choice. Cheeks darkening even more, she finally dropped her hands, only to replace hers by gripping mine. "J-Jean, did you just call me…"

"Kitten?"

Cheeks dark as I'd ever seen, Emalina was a gorgeous, embarrassed mess. "W-W-Why would you call me that?!"

In all honestly, the word somehow slipped from my lips in the moment. However, in thinking of the word in comparison to Emalina, she reminded me of a small kitten. One so small and innocent, with the spirit of a ferocious animal, ready to hiss and fight. Dropping her hands, I took hold of her waist, pulling the woman into me lap as her legs fell over the side of mine. Forehead falling onto mine, I held her closely. "Because you're my kitten, Emalina."

She tensed again, and this time, I could feel her tremble was localized. Whispering the new nickname again, her body tightened, fidgeted and squirmed, leading me to believe she was constricting her hips and her - ahem - nether region. Hands trailing over the curvature of her waist, I gripped the cloth of her dress, merely staring into her eyes.

Leaning backwards, Emalina gripped the front of my shirt for balance. "Why're you staring at me like that?"

Pulling the woman back, I kissed her cheek, the warm breath from her giggle brushing across my face. "Do I need a reason?"

"As of today you will!" Falling to her back, the woman couldn't stop giggling, even as I planted my hands beside her head, one leg between hers.

"Hm, so now I need a reason to look at you. Then…what about if I want to kiss you?" Angling my lips to hers, Emalina swiveled her head, forcing my kiss to land on her ear. "Hey now! That's not very nice," it was my turn to chuckle.

"Maybe not, but…I may allow you to kiss me if you explain why kitten was the word you chose."

Grumbling in my throat, my lips smirked; she was good, and knew how to get information from people, especially me. "Don't like the name? I think kitten fits you puuurfectly." And there it was again. Avoiding my gaze, her face turned a deeper shade of rose. This was different, and I began to wonder if Emalina was experiencing a different color of blush depending on what had her feeling embarrassed. So far, her cheeks were darker with the new nickname; leading me to conclude she was experiencing a very personal moment.

"I…never said I didn't like it…"

"Then what's the problem, kitten?"

There!

Eyes squeezing shut, Emalina exhaled, slowing opening her blue orbs to stare from the corners, she smiled; the radiance she held left me breathless. "You're pretty adamant about wanting to call me that, aren't you?"

"Well, I did tell you there wasn't anything special that was from me only. I kinda like it, you remind me of a kitten." Gasping, she moved turn her head further away, though I wouldn't allow it. Taking hold of her chin, I tenderly held it forward, wanting her to see me as I spoke. "A beautiful, innocent, little kitten who was afraid of this world, yet she doesn't allow anyone from stopping her to explore. You fight and fight, never giving in, even if you know your life is on the line."

"Um, Jean, are you sure that's a good description?"

"Not sure, but that's the description for my kitten and I'm keeping it." Shifting, my leg moved away from my current position, wanting to kneel backwards into a sitting position. The hand holding me upward gave away as I moved quickly to regain my balance. In doing so, my knee fell forward, straight into Emalina's leg; or, at least, what I thought was her leg. Lips fell open to apologize, though no words were able to escape, for I was left bewildered.

Beneath me, Emalina had sealed her lips, emanating delicious, breathtaking reverberations from her depths; it was enticing and stirring all in one.

Tongue-tied, I wasn't sure what to do. Her chest heaved up and down, eyelids fluttering open, still not looking at up at me. Caressing her cheek, only then did she shy away, body shivering into my hand. "Emalina…what…what was that?" My voice was gentle. Of course, from my perspective, I knew what just happened; still, I didn't want to assume anything. Maybe me falling did hurt her, I didn't know!

Shaking her head, Emalina peeked at me, quickly glancing away. Her cheeks remained red, still turning even darker. Was that even possible? Could her blush become even more adorable? "I…" Swallowing, she drew a hand over her mouth, biting down on the knuckle. That movement alone had my insides clenching. Forget the erotic sounds she produced, this vision had me desiring to take her; right here, right now.

But I wouldn't. This would be Emalina's decision for whenever she was ready.

"Did that…feel good?"

Removing her finger, she nodded, searching for my hand. Placing hers over my heart, the woman squealed as I hauled her onto my lap; maneuvering her purposely over my knee. Offering no warning, one hand held a voice grip onto her waist, slowly moving her against my knee, rocking back and forth. Her moan; I needed to hear such a sound again.

"Ahh…J-Jean…!"

Bingo.

Tilting her head to the sky, Emalina bit her lip, restraining from releasing the strangled cry past her mouth. Quickly drawing in a breath, Emalina's eyes seemed in a daze; and yet, her pupils were dilated. "Ema, can I…ask you something?" Nodding slowly, her expression seemed to know what was to be asked. "Um…have you ever, you know…touched yourself?" Head moving up and down once more, her skin beneath my hands was warming. Gulping, I was trekking into dangerous territory. Cock springing to life, I was left me to wonder if she could feel the bulge in my trousers. "Have you touched yourself while thinking…of me?"

Leaning backwards an inch, Emalina tensed; everything about her movements screamed yes. Seeing how she previously reacted, I took the risk, lifting my knee upward into her core. Suddenly, her lips curved upwards eyes fell close, arms wrapping around my neck while her forehead dropped against mine. Halting the movement of my leg, switching to rotating her hips back and forth, creating the same amount of friction, if not more. Body emanating nothing but heat, her skin was pink around her neck and down across the chest. Her core was right on my thigh, and if I thought the heat from her skin was hot, then good god, because the center between her thighs was on fire.

"Ohhh Jean…d-don't stop…"

Grasping her neck, I molded our mouths as one; all the while, her body gyrated, seeking her pleasure. Removing my hand from her hip, the woman took control, keeping her grip around my neck for balance as she swayed back and forth, the pressure of my knee seemed to be the action she needed. Eliciting another sweet cry, Emalina threw her head back, biting her lip once more as our eyes connected.

Kissing her cheek, I trailed down her jawline, my vocal cords vibrated, groaning as the woman overpowered all my senses. Blinking, my jaw grew lax, considering our situation as an idea popped into my mine. "Ema…do you trust me?"

Breathing heavily, she stuttered. "Y-You know I do, Jean."

Slowly, I dragged my palm over her thigh, adding emphasis to the question. "…but do you trust me?" Her realization evident as my fingers dipped beneath the hem of her dress, ever inching closer to the apex of her thighs.

"Yes." Dropping her lips to my forehead, she peppered my cheek in tightening her grip. "Please Jean, I…I want more with you."

"If…anything becomes too much, please tell me." Pecking her neck, my lips slithered up to her ear. Shivering, Emalina smiled as I whispered, "For now, sit back and enjoy."

Gliding my fingers further, I billowed her dress to drop over my arm, the fabric cascading across my lap. Skin connecting with the cotton of her underwear, my mouth fell; the material was soaked beyond my belief. Forefinger tracing tenderly over the very center, it wasn't long before Emalina halted the movement of her hips, simply allowing myself to give her all the euphoria she deserved. Then again, I began to doubt my ability to do so. Me, having never been with a woman before, equals no prior experience. Sure, we were required to take a mandatory health course during training, only learning the anatomy of a females body and other requirements they believed us to learn. It wasn't a course on sexual instruction.

That would have been horrifying.

And yet, that did not stop my male friends and I in having several late night discussions on the girls in training, and females in general. Growing up, I'd read books and overheard discussions that probably shouldn't have entered my ears. I was not discouraged. Besides, I could only assume Emalina was feeling something at least, based on the moisture seeping through her underwear. So, swallowing the never-ending nerves, I parted the edge of her panties, fingers meeting the tufts of what I assumed was brunette curls; only then did I realize how wet she truly was when I sunk my index finger into her depths. And so warm.

Oh so very fucking warm.

"Gah…! Jean!"

Nibbling her ear, my confidence increased several sizes. Thumb grazing across the entire region, I lowered my hand, coating her essence onto my fingertips. Brushing across the rugged skin, my finger slid over a small nub, something fleshy and spongey. Emalina instantly hollered into the sky, panting, chest heaving up and down, up and down. Assuming I'd just found her clit, my thumb slowly circled the ball of flesh, causing the woman to tense and jerk with each swipe. Laying my lips against her neck, I gently kissed her skin, savoring the woman's scent of sweet roses. Whispers of my name fell from her mouth, fingers gradually increasing both speed and pressure as Emalina tightly held onto my shoulders.

"J-Jean, right there, it feels good…r-right there!"

"Emalina, let go." With a tender bite from my teeth, the woman dropped her head backwards, screaming with all her might into the air, her orgasm erupting. A swift gush of warm liquid burst from her core, coating my fingers as it dripped down her thighs. Emalina's body went stiff, each limb shaking with ecstasy as she fell into my chest, heated breath blowing against my neck. Slowly, I removed my fingers, her core pulsating and body still twitching. Drifting back into our world, she pushed herself away, cheeks stained red, yet she held the brightest smile I had seen.

It was a different kind of smile, one I'd hope to see again and again.

"…oh wow." Whispering, she covered her mouth. Had she just realized what we'd done? Stroking her cheek, the smile she wore was contagious. Tilting her head into my hand, Emalina glowed. "You're quiet."

"Sorry. I'm just mesmerized by you, kitten."

"Jean," she whined, cheeks turning darker once more. I will never tire of that shade on her, I thought.

"I'm not sorry, you were so beautiful when you came; it was a very lovely sight." Nipping her bare shoulder, Emalina shivered beneath me. "Your scream…your heat…and damn, how fucking wet you were."

"N-No it wasn't…!" she argued weakly, attempting to remove herself from my lap.

"Ohh, yes it was." Taking hold of her cheeks, I forced her attention back onto me. "You are beautiful, and that includes when you feel pleasure. Heh, especially if it's from me," I grinned.

Receiving a slap on my arm, Emalina still laughed. "You're such a dork! But…" Kissing my forehead, she dropped her lips down unto my lips, forging our connecting together as we tightened our arms around the other. This woman would be the death of me from sheer happiness; if that is to happen, then so be it. Emalina is the best damn thing that has ever become a part of my life. "You're my dork," she finished.

"Then that means you're my dork as well."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Sitting underneath the warm sun, we continued our conversation, speaking until the light of day drifted further across the sky. In realizing the time, we packed the blanket and retrieved our horses from grazing out in the field. Before dinner, Emalina was to attend a meeting with the other Squad Leaders to discuss the expedition; if she wanted to attend on time, we needed to return back to Headquarters. Once saddled, we glanced across the meadow to see the larger castle off in the distance. Reins held tightly in my hands, I rubbed Trigger's neck, turning to ask Emalina if she was ready to head back. Grasping my wrist, she swiftly moved her gaze towards me several times as she looked up then back down, never holding a straight contact with my eyes.

"Um…Jean? About the question you asked me earlier…?"

"You mean…when I asked if you had touched yourself while thinking of me?"

"Mhm, that one." Letting go, she held Freyja's reins, twisting herself in the saddle as she breathed in and out. "Um, w-well…I was wondering, have you, ya know…have you ever touched yourself while thinking of me?" Smirking, I couldn't resist but to chuckle. Nudging Trigger to her steed, I leaned over, pulling the woman closer until we met in the middle.

"How about…we meet in your room after dinner and I show you?"

~ oOo ~

As night finally covered the sky, the Scouts were eating dinner in the Mess Hall. All individuals slumped together with those they were closest with; the new recruits were sitting at the same table as Emalina and I were next to each other. It was loud, but the conversations were different than this morning. The veterans seemed to be discussing the expedition in more detail than they had at breakfast while my friends weren't; our friends seemed to have accepted their fate. It was mentioned here and there though it was mainly avoided.

Once we arrived back to Headquarters, Emalina made way to her room to change into her uniform, as she was expected to attend the meeting along with Commander Erwin. I was informed they were to go over any last details regarding the mission; all had remained on the third floor up until dinner when we joined together for the meal. At the opposite end of the hall, Erwin noticed most Scouts were finished with their meal when he stood and called for everyone's attention, moving to the front where he had everyone's attention. The room fell silent, all eyes and ears were on our Commander.

"For our veterans, you're aware of this speech. As for our new recruits, first I would like to congratulate you on this last month you've had in learning the Long Distance Enemy Scouting Formation; I've heard good things from the veterans on your progress." Clearing his throat, the man stood tall. His natural talent in presenting himself before a crowd was uncanny, leaving me impressed. "As this will be your first time outside the walls, there is tradition amongst our division: though you have enlisted within the Scouting Regiment, you are not considered a full-fledged Scout until you have returned alive from your first expedition."

"Oh shit," Connie muttered.

Tapping Emalina's shoulder, she glanced back at me. "Did you know?"

"Well, yeah. Did I not tell you?"

"Uh, no."

"Aw shit…sorry! I can't remembering everything to tell you!" Rolling my eyes, I laughed it off.

"Regardless of this, I have faith in all our new recruits. Each and everyone of you has proven much these past weeks and I am honored we will be voyaging beyond the walls together. And so, tomorrow, we make way for the Karanes District, were we will stay the night. And the morning after, we will embark on the fifty-seventh reconnaissance mission. From Karanes, we will make way to the Shiganshina District, where we will uncover Eren Jaeger's cellar, where he believes there is unknown knowledge pertaining in how to defeat the titans."

This concept had been mentioned several times in the last weeks, Erwin reminding us all this was our goal - to find Eren's house in Shiganshina for a cellar that may, or may not, hold answers we could use to our benefit. Did I believe it? Mmm, let's just say I was more of the 'I'll believe it when I see it,' attitude concerning the matter.

"With that said, there is one more thing to be stated for our recruits. During your induction ceremony, I anointed Emalina Varlen as Squad Leader for Captain Levi's Special Operations Squad. Emalina has requested to not be considered a full-fledged Scout until we have returned to Karanes as she would like to follow Scout tradition." With a majority of the veterans smiling in her direction, the Commander gave her a genuine smirk as well. "Because of this, Levi, Emalina and myself have also decided that she will not be stationed with Levi's Squad until after this mission; however, she still holds the rank as Squad Leader. Therefore, when out in the field, her word is to be followed unless a veteran of higher rank says otherwise. Is that clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!" The room echoed with the roar of all Scouts, new recruits included.

"Good, I like the morale in this room. That is all I have for this evening everyone, though I will speak more after we arrive in Karanes. I expect everyone to get a good nights sleep as we leave bright and early in the morning. Dismissed."

"Sir!"

Levi and several other veterans wanted to speak with Emalina once the Commander was finished. Waiting at the table, my friends nodded to me as they headed to their rooms, asking if I wanted their company. I shook my head knowing Emalina wouldn't be that long. Just as they left, Levi clapped my shoulder, frowning at me as his sister was speaking with Erwin and Miche.

"Brat, you all set for tomorrow?"

"Pretty sure," I muttered, fingers holding onto my cup as Levi sipped what I could only assume was black tea. "A bit nervous, if you want the truth."

"Tch, that shit never goes away. Unless you're four-eyes over there." Glancing across the room, we both saw Hange talking excitedly with Moblit, her assistant, about preparations for the mission. Though an oddball and overly passionate in her titan research, she was an overall good person and soldier. "Listen," the man tightened his fingers upon my shoulder. "I've bit my tongue per request from Erwin and four-eyes, but don't think I haven't noticed you and my sister share a bedroom these last few weeks."

Mouth and mind stumbling to voice an answer, any kind of answer, all I could do was stutter like a fool. "I-I uh, well, c-captain, sir…"

"Save it. I can't stop you and Emalina from…whatever the hell you two have been doing. All I ask is you two be careful."

Eyebrow raised, I twirled around on the bench, legs placed firmly against the ground, trying to wrap my mind around his words. "Careful, sir? What exactly are you…?" Now hold on a minute. "Ohhhh, no, no, sir we haven't…!"

"Shut up." Slapping me on the head, Levi casually sipped his tea, completing ignoring his insinuation how Emalina and I were already physically intimate without consideration of the consequences. But we weren't even having sex!

Then what the hell was this afternoon?

Groaning as I slapped my own forehead, Levi chuckled, his attention focused on Emalina who was still in mid-conversation with another Scout. "Jean, I'm giving you a hard time because Emalina's my younger sister; I can't control who she wants to be with. And that includes whatever you both choose to do in that relationship. It's just as I said a few weeks ago: all I ask is you protect her, got that?"

"Yes."

"Good; keep it that way."

"Levi! What're you still doing here?"

Noticing Emalina walking towards us, she hugged her brother while I stayed in my seat. "I just wanted to check into see if you're ready for tomorrow. Jean seems to be, so I could only assume you are as well."

Rolling her eyes, Emalina still smiled. "Goodness Levi…you've already asked me this like ten times, and that was just today. I'm ready as can be for tomorrow and the day after."

"A brother's gotta ask, shorty." Ruffling her hair, Emalina chuckled, swatting her brother's arm away while trying to fix her messy bun. "Get some sleep you brats, I expect you to be up bright and early tomorrow with all your equipment." Giving me one last scowl before turning, Emalina told the man goodnight as I stood from the table, stretching my cramped legs. Taking her hand into mine, we walked out of the hall towards the stairs, heaving ourselves up to our rooms where we separated, only for a few moments. Per the usual routine, I snatched the clothing needed for the night and the following morning then knocked on Emalina's door, only opening it when her voice echoed to enter.

Sitting on her bed still in uniform, Emalina watched as I placed my clothing on her desk, the same location I used every night. Leaning against the wooden contraption, I crossed my arms, lost in thought by the conversation with Levi. Clearing her voice, my head lifted towards hers, our eyes catching each other as we both smirked.

"So…are you gonna tell me what you and Levi were talking about?"

~ oOo ~

Point of View

Emalina

Watching Jean, he'd been quiet since my brother bid us a good night, and even more so when I asked what the two had been speaking of. Glancing away, the flickering light from my candle could not hide the growing redness in the man's cheeks. I've noticed in the last few weeks there have been moments where I've caught Jean and Levi speaking with one another, and it also seems to end the moment I'm spotted or when their conversation is over. Either way, I'm just glad my brother hasn't wanted to kill Jean.

At least, from what I knew.

"Levi just wanted to make sure I was ready for tomorrow; and…" Crossing and uncrossing his arms, Jean grew uncomfortable. "A-And…if I've been treating you right."

"Really?" Dropping my knees over the edge of the bed, my feet dangled, barely a few inches short from hitting the floor. "He doesn't think you are?"

"No, it's not that." Ruffling the back of his neck, Jean seemed flustered. Jumping from the bed, I held the man's arm, slightly tugging him to look at me. "He's known about you and I sleeping in the same room."

Tilting my head, I could understand why this would make Jean nervous; still, I wanted to know why. There was something he still wasn't telling me. "And…? It's not that much of a secret, we just sleep in the same room, is all."

"Yeah, we know that. But your brother thinks we're doing something more and lectured me on how we needed to be careful."

"Careful?"

"Think about it: we're in the same room, he doesn't know we only sleep and expects us to be careful, careful. Get it?"

I did.

And I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"Shit…" I whispered, pacing within the small space of my bedroom. "I mean…honestly, he has the right to point that out, doesn't he? Levi just wants us to be safe. And we're new recruits in the military, so we have that to think about." Stopping in the middle of the room, my lips fell open into a fit of laughter.

"And what's so funny?"

"T-that you basically got the 'safe sex' talk from my brother!" My laughter fell harder, clutching my sides, tears falling from each eye. Breathing in slowly, I saw Jean failing in hiding his own smirk as well. Hearing him speak of the conversation with Levi was embarrassing; I knew my brother confronted him for the right reasons, I couldn't hold any anger. If anything, the gesture was sweet. Somewhat creepy, though sweet nonetheless. Grabbing me from behind, a small squeal escaped, Jean holding me tightly around my waist.

"Alright missy, how 'bout next time you try telling your brother we're not having sex. Hmm?"

Having fallen silent, I enjoyed the warmth of his arms. Reflecting on this afternoon, Jean was the one to mention sex again, though not in asking or demanding. Because of the situation we found ourselves in, the man wanted to ensure I felt safe, reminding me that it was my decision to continue or to stop, and that he wouldn't go any further unless I voiced my opinion.

The thought of becoming physical with Jean had plagued my mind and dreams since the Trost Evacuation Drill. Then there was the first night we slept in the same bed when we burned the corpses of our comrades. Even then, he pointed out how he wanted to remove my clothes, only when I was ready. Question is, was I ready? This afternoon was wonderful, and I for sure wanted to experience more with Jean and his delectable fingers, yet I didn't think I was mentally or physically ready to encourage myself for us to go further. Was that normal? There was only one woman I could ask, and I doubted there would be any time between tomorrow and the morning of the mission to ask Sasha for her opinion.

"Jean? Can I…ask about this afternoon?"

Swiftly releasing my waist, the man frowned. Ruffling his hair, he turned red again. "I-Is everything alright?"

"Mhm, I just…I haven't stopped thinking about what we did…"

Cupping my cheek, Jean's expression was worrisome. "Did I…cross a line?"

"Huh? Oh no, no, sweetie!" Covering his hand, I kissed the palm. "I wanted to answer your question. The one if…I've touched myself? I…" Moving my head away, Jean wasn't having it, as he forced my eyes to stay on him. I've always questioned if my cheeks could grow any warmer when I'm embarrassed around this man. And truth be told: yes, yes they can, to which it surprises me every damn time. "I have," my voice breathed, lips curbing upward. "You're all I've thought about."

"R-Really…?" Jean seemed skeptical, as if I was giving him the answer he wanted to hear; I wasn't. My head nodded as my mouth remained shut. "W-Well…since you answered, I guess it's my turn then, huh? Um…I have, Ema, just like you; you're what I think of every time."

Lips smirking, I asked, "Every time?"

"Yes and…I'm pretty sure when we left this afternoon I said I'd show you. Would that be…?"

"Please," I interrupted before he could finish, very eager to experience the same pleasure he bestowed upon me. Dropping both hands to his chest, my fingers fiddled with his jacket. Nervousness and fear suddenly gripped at my chest. "There's something I need to say first."

"Of course; what is it?"

"Despite Levi thinking we've been having s-sex…" Damnit Ema, this isn't the time to stutter! "I don't think I'm ready for that just yet." Stumbling even more, my fingers fidgeted, twisting around each other. All the while Jean chuckled, seeming to enjoy my nervousness. "B-But that doesn't mean I haven't thought of it! This is so new to me and it's only been a month since Trost, and us admitting our feelings to each other. I'm sorry if I'm making you wait, and - "

I was literally silenced with a kiss.

Crashing his lips against mine, Jean merely pecked my mouth, holding me by the arms as he pulled away. Stunned, and quite surprised, I blinked, observing the man with wide, excited eyes. "Kitten," he murmured, grinning evilly. The man knew exactly what the word did to me. Body shivering on its own accord, my muscles already spasming in delight. "Until the moment we make love with each other, I will repeat this a thousand times if need be: you are not making me wait. The decision is all yours when you want to pursue our physical relationship further."

"Y-You've said that several times…why? It takes two to make love, does it not? Shouldn't this be something we both agree on?"

"That's true," Jean breathed, running a finger tenderly from my temple to my chin.

"So then why…?"

"Because I love you, Emalina." Holding our hands together, Jean looked directly into my gaze, holding it steady. Breathing increasing, I struggled to keep contact; it was too intimate. And yet, those wonderfully golden eyes were mesmerizing, having captured my attention the moment we noticed each other three years ago. Ever since, I've been hooked to this man. "And…if we're being honest, this is something I promised myself." Raising an eyebrow, Jean smirked as he answered my unspoken question. "Whenever I met the girl I planned on spending the rest of my life with, I wouldn't push her; wouldn't force her to do anything she wasn't ready nor wanted to do. And I've kept that promise, knowing you were the girl when I realized I fell in love with you."

"And…when did you realize you loved me?"

"Our first year exam, when I followed you to the lake because of your injuries. I'd been developing feelings for you…but when you answered my question about wanting to marry and have a family. That's when I knew then you were the one I'd been hoping to find."

Jumping into his arms, I smashed my lips against his, molding my hands into his hair. Intertwining our bodies into one, Jean nudged my legs into the edge of the bed, keeping me on my feet as I was close to falling backwards. We had no reason to breathe, our lips in sync, moving as one, living as one. It was a beautiful moment. This last month, Jean and I spent most of our free time at night talking about us and what we wanted from this relationship; this was the first I'd heard about his realization of falling in love with me.

"I want you," my lips mumbled against his, pecking his sweetened mouth.

Dragging his fingers through my long hair, he draped the tresses over my shoulder. "Tell me how. What is it you want, kitten?"

"Give me the same experience from this afternoon. With this mission in two days…who knows what'll happen. There's a high chance we may end up losing our lives, and I don't want to leave this world without experiencing some form of intimacy with you, Jean; I don't want to have any regrets."

"Hey, hey," tilting my head upward, Jean tapped my nose with his. "You and I will survive this. For now, is there anything else my kitten wants?"

Shivering from my new nickname alone - and by god, I was loving it - I gently nudged Jean away. Taking my jacket off as he watched in confusion, tossing the article across the room, not giving a damn where it landed. "Though I…may not be ready for sex, I've still imagined seeing you in your naked glory, Jean. So for tonight, I want to lay with you." Fingers ghosting over the leather harness, I tugged each strap away. "To feel your skin against mine." Boldness took hold of my blood, lips curved devilishly while the man couldn't divert his attention, eyes growing wider with each passing second.

However, I was not expecting Jean to grasp my hand, halting my movements.

"Hm, I think you're playing with a disadvantage."

"And why's that?"

"Because," he tossed his jacket aside. "I've already been blessed with the image of seeing you half naked, remember?" Both of us blushing upon memory, I nodded, knowing he was right. "So I think it's only fair I remove my clothing first; assuming you're ok with that?"

"More than ok," I whispered, biting my lip in anticipation. Shoes pulled from his feet, the man removed his harness, the leather contraption fell upon the floor with a clank. Fingers nimbly unbuttoning his olive shirt, Jean held my gaze, allowing the shirt to fall like silk from his shoulders to the floor. Firm, muscled pectorals glistened from the moonlight seeping through the window. Chewing my lip, it became difficult to keep my voice quiet, the desperation in my core to moan and attack the man was overwhelming. And then came the white pants.

Oh fuck, the pants were now on the ground.

Now, Jean stood in naught but his briefs, the cloth hugged lowly on his hips, defining all muscles of his thighs. Did I mention the defining bulge of his package? Because it was definitely there, leaving my core screaming for more attention and love.

Gripping the edge, Jean barely moved the cloth from his hips, as my voice slipped from my mouth. "Wait." Instantly dropping his hands, he was puzzled, tilting his head as I swallowed, ready to explain my rashness. "I've got an idea; trust me." Dragging my shirt over my head, the blue fabric fell, as my hands unzipped my pants, not wasting a second in riding my body of its clothed outer layer. Shimmying the white fabric down my hips, I slowly took my time, lowering the material inch by inch down my thighs until my legs were free. Reaching behind, I unclasped my damn bra, hastily tossing it away. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes in realizing they had closed. Jean had stepped closer, the tent of his briefs had expanded, all the while my core was seeping. And in that moment of our near naked forms revealed, we did nothing but stare in awe.

It was incredible.

I should've been more embarrassed; course, I was still slightly covered.

Facing one another, we were now bare in only our respected underwear. "The thing is, you saw me when I was only in my underwear. Now, I thought it would be fair if we…removed ours at the same time?" Why was I questioning, like I was asking if this was alright? Could I not see the size of his dick, or how dilated his eyes were?

"On three?" Was his answer.

"One."

"Two."

"Three," our voices echoed simultaneously.

Abandoning our last piece of clothing, we gradually raised our eyes, cheeks tinted as our feet stepped forward with a mind of their own. Twiddling both thumbs, my chest heaved, Jean's member twitched, our smiles couldn't grow any wider. Fingers reached out, meeting skin; lips met lips. Soon, we were on the bed. Whoever led the other, I did not know.

Hands were in hair.

Lips suckling on lips.

A moan here, a gasp there.

The requirement to breath soon became a necessity, our lungs rung dry. Laying beneath Jean, I stared upward, caressing his temple, as he did the same, though…his eyes occasionally peeked lower. Giggling, the man could only kiss me more. "By god, Emalina…can you get any more beautiful?"

Winking, I uttered, "Possibly."

Grinning only increasing, Jean took hold of my waist, lifting me into the air as he leaned his back against the wall, placing my back to his chest. "As cheeky as that answer was, I have to agree." Dropping his hands to my shoulders, he tenderly traced them down the length my arms. Inching his way down my naked body, he stealthily crept to my chest, his larger hands forming over my decently smaller breasts. Kneading, Jean groaned into my neck, as I struggled to even breath. The man wasn't even doing much and I was already a blubbering mess. This afternoon made sense, of course; this moment, he was just -

"Jean!"

Crying out his name, the man in question snickered from behind, knowing all to well what he'd done. "…yes?" He answered lazily, still tugging my taut nipples.

"O-Ohh, you know w-w-what you're doing…" I could barely form a sentence. Good god, it was just my chest; would I have the same reaction if he touches my core again? I bet I would. "Ohhhhh Jean…" Lost in my thoughts, Jean stole the advantage in snaking his hand down my waist, trekking through my curls, sinking his index finger into my soaking core. Head falling back to his shoulder, I just wanted to feel, and boy, was I feeling alright.

"Kitten…how're you this soaked already?"

"I thought you were smart Jean, can't you figure that o-o-o-out?!" Shrieking, I moved to cover my mouth as he flicked my clit harshly, then smoothly rubbed it over in a circular pattern.

"Come now," he swatted the hand away from my mouth. "I like to hear you. Be loud, scream…"

"I-I…I feel kinda dirty…" Spreading my legs, I gripped Jean's hand still on my breast, encouraging him to pull harder, knead firmer, any and everything he wanted. Unless he did something I didn't approve, he had the green light to do what he wanted to me.

"There's nothing dirty with what we're doing. As long as you're comfortable; remember, I won't force you to do anything you don't want."

"Can you…oh please, make me feel good?"

"Anything for you, kitten. You don't even have to ask."

Quickening his speed, Jean continued to fulfill my request. His digit circled, swiped up and down, slowly looped around my clit. This handsome soldier had me on edge, my hips actually lifting from the bed. Could I be reaching the end so soon? How?

Fuck, Jean's amazing at everything!

Forgoing the realization of my decision, I shoved his hand away to twist out of his grasp. Landing on my knees, I grabbed his hand and pulled it towards my mouth. "…Emalina? W-What're you doing?"

"Honestly? I-I dunno…" Breathless and shaking, I was on fire, my lower body seeking its release as I forced it to be patient. "I said I felt dirty…So how 'bout I do this?" Leaning forward, I opened my mouth just enough to suck in his first finger, swallowing the digit until it hit the back of my throat. The taste of myself fell instantly on my tongue. Shivering beneath me, Jean was a mess. Blinking up at him, his eyes moved from mine to my mouth, not sure which he wanted to watch more.

"Shit, Ema…"

Popping the digit from my lips, I answered, "Yes?"

Groaning louder, he dropped his head backward. "Why'd you move away?"

Pouting my lips, I pressed my elbows inward against my chest. Wherever the hell this confidence came from, I like the woman I became. Not only was I comfortable, I was excited to do what was planned. When I didn't answer, Jean said, "Hell, that was amazing, kitten, but - "

"Then sit back, cause you're gonna love this." Scooting lower past his knees, I came into contact with his fully erect member, standing straight at attention; the tip was leaking a small amount of clear liquid. Flattening my front into the mattress, I relaxed my tense body before reaching my tongue forward, licking from base to tip with all the saliva my mouth could secrete.

"Shit!" Straightening his back, Jean cast his gaze to mine, my tongue moving up and down, sure to coat its entirety in my wetness.

How was I even doing something like this?

Such an idea came to mind when I was rethinking of our afternoon adventure, wondering what was something I could do in return. Cadet training came to mind when the girls in our dorm used to stay up and talk about boys and sex; some having already experimented, providing us with all the dirty details and secrets we should know for the future. Not then, especially not now, did I ever think I would use such information to benefit me in a situation such as this.

And what would you know, my mouth was upon him, inching lower and lower until the tip was hitting the back of my throat.

"Ho-Holy fuck!"

Sucking as much of his length as I could, my head started to bob; up and down, up and down. Two hands gently cupped behind my head, holding me in place. Jean's touch was too tender, almost as if he was questioning both me and himself if this was alright. "Emalina, I never…You didn't have to do this."

Grazing my teeth upward as my lips popped off his tip, I smiled, saliva dribbling down my chin. "I want to, Jean; there's difference." Taking his member into my mouth once more, the man shuddered legs tensing and shaking. The part of his length I couldn't take in was met by my hand, following the same movement as my lips.

That seemed to be the trigger.

His hips became in sync with my motion, bucking up when I sucked down; falling down when I licked up. Lifting my eyes as high as they could, Jean's were clouded, half closed as his chest rose and fell in uneven pattern. Fondling his member with my tongue, I challenged myself by lowering my head even further, desiring to see how far I could swallow this man. Having never done this, ever, I didn't know if one performs a deed the way I was. Jean was receptive, his moans edged me on to continue, though I was still clueless.

"I'm getting real close." Being the confidence boost I needed, I refused to stop. "Ema seriously, let me finish in my hand, otherwise I'll come in your mouth…!" Still, that didn't stop me - challenge accepted.

Hands tightening the hold he had on my hair, Jean continue to pump his hips, ignoring his own plea and I sucked hard, licked faster. His pleasure wasn't far behind. Head falling once more, his mouth dropped, releasing a moan so delectable my clit literally pulsed. Hips wriggling, the man ceased all movement; my heart, body and soul suddenly yearning for his seed to pour into my mouth. Shooting in fast, warm spurts, his cum fell onto my tongue, dripping past my lips as I popped away from his now exhausted member. Swallowing, I shuttered, the taste unexpectedly different than my own juices, though it was a salty bitterness I could grow use to.

Catching his breath, Jean dragged from my knees just as I swiped the remaining streams from my chin. "Why…w-why did you?" Running a hand down his face, the man was flushed, breathless and, dare I say, fucking sexy?

Did achieving orgasm give a man a different shine or something? This is probably how I looked earlier from Jean's perspective.

It was all making sense now.

Kissing his lips, I tugged his hand, forcing him to join my on the bed, laying down across the full length. Stroking his hair as I lay his head upon my chest, Jean was clearly overstimulated, or simply shocked. Lifting himself above me, the man was still shaking, the trembling in his arms and legs gradually decreasing.

"Fucking shit, Emalina."

My brain knew what'd I'd done. Seconds ticked by, and the longer we stared at each other, the more I actually realized the daring action my mouth completed. My mouth sucked Jean's dick.

My mouth.

Sucked.

Jean's dick.

I was both proud and slightly horrified at myself.

"Kitten, what's wrong?"

Shaking my head back to the present, I sighed. Licking my lips, I was suddenly fearful of Jean's opinion about me; did he think differently because of what I did? Ask, Emalina, this isn't the time to hide what you're feeling. Agreeing with my inner persona, I mumbled quietly. "Do you see me differently now? Because of what I did?"

"Think differently of you? Geez, Ema…" Flicking my forehead, he then kissed the same spot. "Is this because you got me off? Goodness, look at me. I do not. And what about when I gave you an orgasm earlier? Did your view of me change?"

"N-No."

"Then hush. This, what we're doing?" He waved his hand in between our naked bodies. "This is an intimate moment for two people who love each other. Remember what I said graduation night? How we're partners in this relationship?"

"Yes," was my answer in a breathy whisper, face leaning into his larger palm against my cheek. Hovering over me with his legs between mine, Jean purposely pushed his knee gently into my core, still seeping wet from earlier.

"We are more than simply being boyfriend and girlfriend. Emalina, I want to marry you in the future, that will never change, so please, don't ever think less of yourself whenever we become physical with one another. All I ask is you talk to me if you're ever uncomfortable."

"I will," I agreed, adamantly soaking in his words. "Before…I wasn't scared at all, and what I said was the truth; it was something I'd been thinking and wanted to try. I only became scared that you'd see me differently."

"Never," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss my neck. "Now, I hate to cut you off, unless you want to talk more, but there is a present I'd like to give you."

"Ooo, I get a present?"

"Mhm, just think of me reciprocating the gift I received, but to you."

"A-Alright?" Is there such a way? I had to wonder; and then I remembered the late night conversations in training. There definitely was. And if my comrades described it the way it would actually feel, then I was in for an experience better than his fingers. Holy hell, will I survive this? His fingers alone nearly killed me!

Attention obviously elsewhere, Jean already ran his tongue down from my collarbone to my stomach, tracing the circle of my bellybutton. Struggling to giggle and moan, I chose to bite my lip, casting my head across the pillow as he moved south. Tongue lashing against my skin, I turned feverish, his teeth nipping lower upon my thighs, clenching here and there, for sure leaving small love bites I would both question and love come morning. Mumbling his name, Jean hummed against my pubic bone, vibrating my senses, thoughts locked away as I was left open and vulnerable to this one man. Embarrassment now ceased to exist.

Dropping his nose down into my pubic hair, the man inhaled deeply, causing my head to swiftly lift upward, eyes wide by his action. "Damn, you smell delicious."

"J-Jean!"

Without warning, because, come on, this was Jean Kirschtein we're talking about, he dipped his tongue past my lips straight to my clit. Slowly flicking the sensitive button, I choked a cry, afraid of anyone who could possibly hear me in the halls. Let's face it. Based on my scream from earlier, I'm fairly certain I was to be the loud one in this relationship.

"Shit, and you taste divine."

I ignored his commentary, knowing I thought he tasted fairly decent; hell, I was ready to take him into my mouth again. Not even one day of experimenting with sexual pleasure and I was already becoming this horny for Jean? Fuck, this was getting exciting.

"Mmm," I moan out loud. Switching amid wanting to watch him and swing my head back, I settled in the middle with my head straight, my eyes firmly shut. Simply enjoying the crashing of pleasured waves against my lips and clit was wondrous. Slithering my hands over my chest, I teased my own nipples, sliding them down into Jean's hair. Clenching tightly, I firmly held his locks, leveraging my pelvis into his working mouth.

The man was a genius. He flicked, prodded, bit, sucked and licked me clean. It was different than with his fingers; I couldn't tell which I loved more. The texture of his tongue versus his fingers were different as was the technique. But, by god, was I in love.

"Jean…" I whimpered, eyes cracking open to see him staring up at me through hooded eyes. "It feels good…"

"Then let me hear it, kitten."

"Jean, we can't be too loud."

"I don't care." Trailing his saliva covered muscle over the entirety of my vagina, from opening to clit, Jean Kirschtein won the battle. Hips raised in defeat as if on cue, I released a howl, one caught in the depths of my throat, I bit down on my lips to keep it from escaping. And for some reason, this was the stimulate, the turning point for my aching need of release. "I wanna hear how I make you feel good."

Dropping one hand to the bed, I curled my back, feeling my juices drizzle down my legs. "Jean…Jean!"

And then it was upon me. Stars - stars everywhere! An eruption of muscle spasms, intense gratification. Clamping a fist into my mouth, I screamed, failing in my weak attempt to nudge Jean away, who continue in running his tongue over my exhausted clit. Whatever wetness had secreted from me earlier was nothing compared to now. My vaginal walls clenched tightly, the convulsions in my thighs gradually lessening as my heart slowed to its normal beat. Chest heaved to and fro, breath heavy with excitement.

Wiping his mouth clean, Jean crawled over my drained form, eyes twinkling with love as he kissed my forehead. "It should be a crime how beautiful you are, Emalina."

"Right…back atcha, Jean…" Would it always be like this? Me, breathless and very near pleasured death?

I could feel my eyes growing heavy. Sensing my drowsiness, Jean pulled the blanket over our sweaty bodies, curling mine into his as my ear leaned into his chest, eagerly seeking the beating of his heart. Grasping my chin, he tilted my face upwards and locked our lips one last time. "Emalina…I love you so very much."

Stroking his cheek, I drowsily smiled. "And I love you, Jean. And thank you for tonight…I don't want to live with no regrets; we don't know what'll happen…"

"Nothing is going to happen, to either of us." Leaning closer until our noses were touching, Jean whispered, "I promise to protect you. With all the strength I have," he cupped my face, "these hands will keep both of us safe."

"And I promise the same." Copying his movements, we stared at one another. "Because I want our future together; and I will do anything to make sure we survive to see it through that far ahead."

~ oOo ~

Two Days Later

Morning to Leave Karanes District

It was here.

Everything we strived for the past month; hell, even the past three years was now directly before us. These last two days were a blur in my memory, having left the Scout Headquarters, maneuvered our way to Karanes District were we spent last night awaiting for this morning. As promised Erwin spent last night giving all Scouts a speech, preparing us for this mission and the purpose of us extending beyond the walls. I still believed there was something we, especially the new recruits, weren't being told.

A few hours from now would tell if such a decision would benefit or hinder the the entire Scout Regiment.

Bells ringing loudly across the district, we all sat proudly atop our horses, the gallant creatures waiting patiently for the gate to open before we pursued galloping through the city. My leg nervously tapped Freyja's side. All month, I'd been anxious and elated, to be a part of my first reconnaissance exhibition with the Scouts. My nerves, however, I think were more for my friends and comrades.

"It's alright, Ema." Feeling a hand drop on my knee, I glanced to Jean at my right. As our positions were fairly close within the Scouting Formation, our steeds were side-by-side until we left the district.

Gripping his hand tightly, I grinned. "Thank you sweetie."

"Titans in the vicinity have been lured; gate opens in thirty seconds!"

Heads snapping forward, we knew this was it; the time was nigh. Leaning across our steeds, we quickly kissed each other, not knowing when, or if, we would be gifted the chance to do so again.

"This is it! The day has come for humanity to take another step forward. Now let's show those titans exactly what we're made of!" Mainly the veterans, including myself, thrusted their fist or sword into the air, screaming with enthusiasm, for us to finally to reclaim what was ours. "Open the gate!"

And it did. The massive, stone gate separating Wall Rose into the lost territory slowly lifted itself, revealing an area I had not traversed in five years.

"FORWARD!" screamed Erwin from the very front of the formation, leading the start of the mission.

Freyja, rearing on her hind legs, raced forward, following all the other steeds as we galloped through the city. Jean and I nodded one last time to each other, our gazes facing forward, for once we were past the gate, we would need to focus on the formation, the titans, and our very lives.

"It's officially begun! The fifty-seventh recon mission. SCOUTS! MOVE OUT!"

~ oOo ~

It'll be some time before the next chapter is posted. Heads up: the 57th Reconnaissance Mission Begins!

Chocobocolina :3