Chapter Thirty-Four
The Days Before Shiganshina
A/N: Would anyone believe me if I said I've had this chapter saved for over 2 years? I'm slowly making a comeback.
Disclaimer: Attack on Titan does not belong to me; I only own Emalina and other OCs. The new story picture does not belong to me; I hold no Copyright and found the picture through Google Images.
~ oOo ~
JEAN
It has been two months since the incident with the Rod Reiss titan, two months since Historia's coronation as the new Queen, two months since Emalina was arrested by the Military Police and placed on trial, and two months since she and Levi learned they were related by blood. And in that time, the Scouts have been busy as ever.
In preparation for retaking Wall Maria, the Scouts refrained from any further expeditions until we were fully ready. Instead, we mainly worked on projects on the inside of the walls. After Historia became Queen, we assisted her with developing an orphanage she wanted to establish inside the interior. We worked with Hange to create new inventions for the people inside the walls, including using small crystal fragments from the Reiss cavern as a light source for the people and night expeditions. We even created a new weapon for the Scouts called the Thunder Spear, something we plan to use when we head to Shiganshina.
However, these months were mainly used in preparing Eren with his hardening ability, alongside Emalina, who learned she could generate almost anything with her crystal power. Nearly every day, Hange had them transform into their titans; Eren would harden his entire body to form a solid statue, and Emalina would create whatever was asked of her. Not only could she create whatever she wanted, such as weapons like she did in Orvud, she could create pillars and walls. What was interesting about her ability was that only she could even smash her creations, something that not event Eren could do. If she hardened her fists, she could hit anything she made, and it would break into tiny crystals that disappeared the moment her titan evaporated. Not even Eren in his titan form could break them; he couldn't even leave a fucking dent.
But Emalina…she was on a whole different level of titan compared to Eren.
I had been impressed with Eren's titan from the beginning, but, honestly? I believed Emalina's was far superior. Levi had expressed a similar thought while we were speaking one night.
So far, the experiments were successful, and Hange was pleased with their progress. She was ecstatic knowing these abilities would greatly assist us when taking back Wall Maria.
However, there were consequences to their transformations. The more Eren changed, the more blood he coughed up. And for Emalina? Each time she was pulled from her titan was different; she either suffered from a massive nosebleed or lost her ability to walk, leading me to carry her wherever we went; one time, she even lost her sight for almost an hour. Levi and I were there each time she transformed, sadly preparing for the worst outcome whenever she changed. Despite the consequences, Emalina pushed through. She never once gave in, always wanting to push herself even further. She tested her abilities each time she transformed to see how long she could last and how many times she could change within one day, and so far, the maximum times she could transform has been no more than three.
Still, the experiments weren't without merit. Everything Eren and Emalina had worked on with Hange led the researcher to create what she called the Executioner from Hell. It is a massive invention that drops a giant wooden pole that plunges upon a titan, utterly destroying its nape. In doing so, we've eliminated titans within Wall Maria without risking losing more soldiers than we already have.
Because of all that we had accomplished, including the successful coup against the Government, the Scout Regiment's popularity shot through the roof. We've had recruits join our cause, even with members switching from their current regiment to the Scouts.
To me, what was most important between these last two months was the time I'd been able to spend with Emalina. Because of all the various projects we'd been working on, we didn't stay in one location too long as we constantly moved from one district to another. However, that didn't stop us from sharing our free moments by escaping to be alone. We'd dress casually and run away from Headquarters, always finding something to do as long as we were together. Hell, more than half the time, we had Sasha and Connie join, all of us simply enjoying the fact we had survived.
Nonetheless, my nights with Emalina were meant just for us. Once we retired for the evening, our door shut and locked, we ignored the outside world to focus solely on each other. Nearly every night, I took the woman in my arms and made love to her. I cherished her, cared for her, and desired nothing in my life but her. Any and everything she wanted, I did.
Since the night in Orvud, we had become more exploratory in our sex life. We tried different positions and locations; hell, we even had a quickie in a closet once because we were needed somewhere and had very little time to ourselves. Most nights, we lay naked in each other's arms, or we stayed up late and talked. Our conversations focused on any and everything: our time in the Military and where we see ourselves down the road. I still want the tiny house with a pregnant Emalina by my side. I want nothing more than for her to become my wife.
One day, it'll happen.
One day.
Standing there against the fence, I was brought back to reality. We were stationed at the orphanage before returning to Headquarters in Trost. Emalina was standing to my left, while Armin and Eren were to my right. We all watched Historia as she ran wildly, chasing after two young boys as they had done…something. Honestly, I didn't care. The children were safe in the orphanage; they should have the right to have fun sometimes. Glancing over at Emalina, she was watching the kids, watching how Historia interacted with them. Her gaze was so fixed on them that she didn't notice my staring.
I wonder what she's thinking.
The laughter drew my attention from my girlfriend to the children still running away from Historia.
"…nice palace," I commented casually.
"Heh," Armin chuckled beside me. "Yeah, she's not exactly regal."
"Well, it's only been two months since she was crowned. But it seems she'd rather run an orphanage than a kingdom."
"Have you heard the new name the people came up with for her?"
"Oh, oh, I have!" We all turned and stared at Emalina, who was bouncing with smiles. "They call her the 'Cattle Farming Goddess'!"
"They think it's a term of endearment," Armin stated.
"It's hardly the first time she's been called goddess." Grinning evilly in Eren's direction, I said, "You know, if this keeps up, I bet everyone will forget all about the chump who plugged up the wall in Trost."
"This is part of why Historia agreed to become Queen in the first place." Eren didn't care about what I said, only paying attention to Historia and the kids. My face fell. It was as if he didn't care I was poking fun at him. Where was the punch I was expecting?
Suddenly, a young girl came running up towards us; she passed us males and headed straight to Emalina. Tugging on her trousers, she gained my girlfriend's attention, who knelt to the child's level. "E-excuse me! Will you play with me…?"
Smiling ever-so-sweetly at the little girl, Emalina instantly nodded her head. "Of course I will, sweetie! What's your name?"
"A-Ava," the young girl stammered. I remained stoic on the outside, but inside, I loved this interaction between the two.
"Ava, huh? My, that's such a pretty name. I'm Emalina; it's nice to meet you."
So did the young girl. "I like your name too! E-Ema…Emarina?"
Her stuttering had Emalina in a fit of giggles. "You can call me Ema." Standing to her full height, she extended her hand for the young girl to take. "Hey, I got an idea. Do you wanna meet my friend Freyja? I think she'd like to meet you." Ava nodded enthusiastically, leaving Emalina to curl her fingers in her mouth and whistle. "Freyja!" She called out for her steed.
And her steed came running, as trained as that horse was. Galloping over the fence, Freyja approached Emalina, who had her arm outstretched. Scratching her steed's nose, the horse waited patiently. Seeing Ava retract behind her leg, holding on for dear life, Emalina calmed her fears. "Shh, it's ok, dear. Freyja's very friendly; she won't hurt you."
Peering around her leg, Ava said, "S-She won't?"
"Nope! Would you like to pet her?"
The little girl quickly shook her head. "…can we show her to my friends?"
"Of course we can! Where are they?" She pointed into the distance, Emalina following her finger towards the barn. She moved to step forward when Ava grasped her leg again, holding up her arms. "Can you carry me…?"
"You want me to hold you? Alrighty little one, come here." Bending downward, Emalina quickly picked up the little girl, settling Ava on her hip as the child endlessly giggled. Taking Freyja's reins in the opposite hand, the two walked into the distance, leaving us behind.
I don't even know if Armin and Eren were having a conversation. All I could focus on was Emalina, her interaction with Ava, and how I watched as their forms grew smaller and smaller the further she walked.
I couldn't get the image out of my head. The cottage, me coming home to see my wife pregnant with my child. I would snuggle against her stomach and whisper soft words, hoping the little one inside could hear. Watching her now, I knew Emalina would make the perfect mother. She'd be loving, caring, supportive, and simply the best mother to our children.
That and more images flooded through my mind. They were all welcoming, but the fact is, would they ever happen? Would we ever obtain the cottage outside of Trost like we want? Would I ever have the chance to marry her? What about children? Would we live long enough to be able to consider kids? We've talked about it, admitting we want to start a family. Being in the Scouts, though, was our plan even feasible?
I will do everything in my power to ensure we survive. We've promised each other the future, and I plan on keeping that oath with Emalina. She deserves the world, and I'll give it to her.
"…Jean? Hey Jean, you in there?"
"Hmm?" Glancing down at Armin, I saw him and Eren staring at me weirdly. "What?" I almost snapped, pissed they pulled me away from such thoughts.
"We've been talking to you for a couple of minutes, but you're so wrapped up in that head of yours that you're not paying any attention," Eren growled, staring me down.
"Tch, I've got a lot on my mind, Jaeger." I finally snapped.
Moving his attention off into the distance, he could see Emalina showing all the children her horse. Grinning, Eren returned his attention toward me as I raised an eyebrow. "No, more like you can't stop thinking about Emalina."
I narrowed my eyes. "…so what if I am? What's it to you?"
The man shrugged. "Oh, nothing. I find it hilarious that you two are always together, yet you can never keep your mind straight. You always have to think about her."
"I'll ask again: so what?"
"Nothing," Eren waved his hand. "I just…" he didn't finish his sentence.
"You what, Jaeger?"
He sneered. "If she's all you can think about, I'm surprised you're still alive."
Running up to him, I grasped his collar, hauling the man off his feet.
"Jean!" I could hear Armin cry behind me.
"It's because of her that I'm still alive, you suicidal maniac!" Dropping the man, he nearly fell on his ass as he stared at me, mouth open in confusion. "So what if I think about her all the damn time? I love that woman with everything I've got, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!"
"Geez," Eren rolled his eyes, flinging his clothes back to where they needed to be. "If you love her that much, why don't you marry her already?"
Taken back, I returned to my post against the fence, arms curled upon my chest. Growling, I finally answered him after some time. "Trust me, Jaeger. One day, I'm gonna marry that girl."
Armin gasped beside me. "You two are that serious, huh?"
I nodded. "Someday, I'll give Emalina the world. After all the shit she's been through, she deserves it."
Armin's eyes went wide. Why? Simply because I admitted that I wanted Emalina as my wife? Chuckling, my blonde friend patted my arm. "Well, whenever that does happen, I'm happy for the two of you. Emalina…she's really come out of her shell since training, hasn't she?"
I nodded in agreement, though it was Eren who spoke. "She used to be so different, not like who she is now. I wonder what happened?" He exchanged a knowing glance with me.
"It's because Marco made her realize something during training," I said, earning a gasp from Armin at saying my dead best friend's name. Even three months after Trost, it was still hard talking about him. "He once told her that everyone dies eventually, so it's up to her to enjoy the time she has with people before that happens rather than isolate herself because she's scared of losing those she loves."
"Huh, I never knew that," Armin commented. "Then again, there's a lot I don't know about Emalina. She's still a secretive person."
"That's just who she is," I said, proud to say I knew the woman inside and out. "She's the type of person who'll share things with you eventually. Sometimes, though, you have to coax it out of her." Armin opened his mouth to say more but was cut off by Historia as she approached our positions.
"Slacking off again, huh?!" She was stern, placing her hands on her hips. "It's getting dark, you know!"
Wanting to avoid a lecture, Armin and I each grabbed a box and began walking away. With Eren and Historia behind us, I said, "Power changed her. She reminds me of my mother now."
"Gods can be cruel," Armin stated with a sigh.
Walking towards the barn, we noticed Emalina playing with several children. As we walked closer, her eyes tilted upward as she spotted us, waving in our direction. I chuckled, seeing as how she was attacked by nearly every kid surrounding her, tackling her to the ground. Her laughter echoed across the plains of the orphanage as Armin and I entered the barn.
"You know…" Armin said quietly, dropping his box where it needed to go. "Historia's been called a goddess ever since training, but…" He stared me in the eyes. "I think Emalina's more of a goddess than her."
Surprised by his statement, my eyebrows shot upward. "I mean, of course I'm going to think that too, but what makes you think so?"
"I mean it in the best possible way. Historia's nice and everything, but that was all a facade to cover up her true identity, was it not? Emalina, well…she's been who she is since day one."
"Once she gets comfortable, Ema's not one to hide who she is."
"That's what I like about her most." I narrowed my eyes to Armin as the blonde raised his hands in defense. "N-N-Not like that, Jean, I swear! It's just comforting to have a friend that's true to herself, is all." Rolling my eyes, I would've said something more when the call of my name entered my ears. Turning to the front of the barn, I noticed Emalina carrying Ava on her hip.
Walking towards the two, I said, "What's up? Everything ok?"
"Little Ava here wanted to meet you," Emalina says, grinning from ear to ear.
"Huh, is that so?" Turning to the little girl, I waved my hand, bending slightly to be at eye level. "Hey there, little one. My name's Jean."
"I'm Ava," she said quietly, tightly holding Emalina's arm.
"I think that's such a pretty name."
This had the little girl smiling and laughing. "Hehe, t-thank you!"
I smiled. Talking with Ava feels…natural. "So, what did you and Ema play?"
The girl's eyes brightened. "We played with her horse! She's really pretty."
"Freyja?" The girl nodded. "Yeah, she's a very pretty horse, just like her owner." I winked up at Emalina, whose cheeks darkened slightly. "Have you ridden her yet?" Ava shook her head. "Why not? I think it sounds fun."
"Because I'm scared…" she admitted in a low voice.
Ruffling her hair, the girl squealed with laughter again. "I think you should try it. What if one of us sits on Freyja with you? Would you like that?" My offer had Ava nodding her head frantically. Taking Emalina's other hand, I guided them outside. "Well then, let's go have some fun. How does that sound?"
"Yay!"
Emalina and I both released a chuckle; Ava, indeed, was something else. When we neared Freyja, Emalina was the one to mount her as I placed Ava in front of the saddle. Taking the reins, I gently had Freyja walk around the pasture, loving the giggles from the little girl and Emalina. Eventually, a small group of kids joined in, asking if they could ride Freyja. We agreed for everyone to have a chance, stating there was still some time before we planned on leaving. So that is how we spent our evening.
It was probably one of the most relaxed afternoons I've had in a long time. Usually, Emalina and I don't get afternoons to ourselves like this. I wouldn't change it for the world. The way the setting sun cast a beautiful glow upon Emalina's skin, the way her eyes spoke volumes about how happy she was playing with the children. It was everything I could ask for.
Still, one day. One day, I'll make all of our promises come true.
~ oOo ~
It has been several days since the orphanage where we had returned to Trost Headquarters. Currently, in the Mess Hall, I was surrounded by my friends, along with Marlowe, a recruit from the Military Police, who wouldn't stop talking about the Scouts. Emalina was still eating her stew by my side, focusing more on listening to the conversation than participating. I kept my hand on her thigh, squeezing the muscles now and then.
Fucking shit, I couldn't get enough of this woman.
"That's great!" Marlowe nearly slammed his drink against the table. "We can win! With weapons like that, killing titans will be as easy as breathing!"
I leaned against my hand, watching the man and his enthusiastic antics. "You're so damn excitable. You should know better than to be this pumped about joining the Scouts."
"That reminds me," Sasha cut in. "Didn't Hitch try to convince you to stay an MP?"
Marlowe genuinely seemed confused. "Wait, Hitch? How come?"
"Because she's a thirsty girl," Sasha grinned smugly, her and Connie sharing the same expression. "And she thinks you're a tall glass of water!"
"…can't say I follow." I almost slapped my forehead at the man's general lack of understanding. "But Hitch did tell me off before, saying I wasn't cut out to be a real soldier. She told me I should stop acting cool and just coast along in life. I thought she was better than that. So I told her I was wrong about her."
The entire table fell into silence.
"…asshole," I muttered.
"Ugh, are you that dumb, Marlowe?" Armin said.
Sasha then muttered, "No brain under that bowl cut…"
"Calm down, he didn't say anything wrong…" Eren butted in.
"Didn't say anything wrong?!" Emalina popped her head around my body to stare at Eren. "How could you…! Marlowe just…! But he…!" Unable to form a coherent sentence, she growled, excusing herself from the table. As she passed by Eren, she stuck out her tongue, causing Sasha and Connie to laugh at her amusing behavior.
Once she was gone, I said, "Well, anyway…You should notice that the only people as excited as you are the new recruits with no real battle experience."
"Gimme a break!" A voice spoke from the table behind us. Turning my head, I noticed it was Floch, one of the fresh recruits and another member of our graduating class. "You think you're some kind of hardened veteran now?"
Face having fallen from annoyance, I answered, "I know I am, compared to you at least."
With some of his friends behind, Floch walked over to our table. His smug expression was starting to piss me off. "That's rude. We were in the 104th, same as you. Besides, we're not the only ones excited. Everyone in the walls is. We're taking Wall Maria back! We're finally winning!"
I merely stared at him. "…you think so?"
My words caught him off guard. "Umm, well, you guys do seem a little different now. There's something about your faces. What…exactly happened?"
"…wanna know?"
He seemed to stall as he switched his gaze between all of us. "N-No, I'll ask some other time." But he didn't move. Floch cast his eyes away from us just as I heard Emalina's voice.
"I'm back! Did anyone miss me?" Dancing happily to resume her seat beside me, I noticed the woman was carrying two plates of apple pie. She handed one to me, and I thanked her.
"Oh, oh, me!" Sasha threw her hand up in the air. "I did!" Emalina was beaming as she tossed a potato to her best friend before eating a piece of her pie.
Casting her gaze towards Floch, she said, "Hey, Floch, I didn't know you joined the Scouts."
"My transfer went through just this morning. I am now a full-fledged member of the Scouts."
"Actually, no, you're not," Connie stated, eyes rolling.
Floch seemed offended. "Course I am!"
I wanted to sigh. There was something about this guy that just angered me. "You may have joined the Scouting Regiment, but you're not a true Scout. Not yet, at least."
Emalina nodded. "You're only considered a true Scout if you come back alive from your first expedition. So you'll have to wait until we return from Shiganshina." She smiled in Floch's direction. He returned the same gesture, which churned my stomach to pieces.
Wrapping an arm around Emalina's shoulder, Floch said, "Ema, you've been a Scout for a while now. Isn't there anything…you could do?"
It seemed everyone at the table narrowed their eyes, not just me. Emalina switched her attention from Floch's face to the arm around her. Gingerly, she grasped his wrist, unwrapping the limb as she gently settled it back against his side. It took all my might not to laugh outwardly. "Sorry, Floch, that's how it goes around here. We all had to do it; you have no exceptions."
"Oh, come on, Ema, there's nothing you can do for us?" He placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. I could feel Emalina tense beside me as she searched for my hand. "My, has someone told you how pretty you've become since training? It's been so long since I've seen you. I can't believe how beautiful you've gotten." She blinked, not quite sure what to say, but before she could say anything, Floch spoke again. "Say, why don't you and I head into town sometime, say…like on a date?"
The tension in the air was palpable, and it was disgusting. My anger grew with each second I stared at the annoying recruit. Turning my head, I watched the others to see the same expression on their faces.
"F-Floch, I appreciate the offer," she ducked her shoulder, Floch's arm falling off. "But I am already seeing someone."
The man pouted. "Well, that's no fun." He was relentless as he placed his hands on the table, leaning close to her face; she slightly backed away. My hand tightened around hers. I didn't want to step in, not just yet. Emalina was a strong individual; I knew she could handle this herself. "It's just one date, what do ya say? Forget the guy you're with and come with me."
SLAP!
Sasha and Connie gasped, their stares penetrating me as my focus was solely on this asshole. Marlowe, Eren, Armin, and Mikasa stared as Emalina swiftly stood to her feet, her palm connecting directly with Floch's face. His head turned drastically to the side as a bright red imprint was already on his skin. As his eyes turned to her, I could tell the man was seething, most likely embarrassed that not only was he turned down but that he had been slapped - hard.
"Don't you dare talk about Jean that way!" She cried, chest rising up and down from anger.
"Jean?" Floch stated my name incredulously; he seemed genuinely surprised as his eyes switched to stare at me. "Jean's the one you're in a relationship with?"
"Yes," she said sternly. "And if I ever hear you talk shit about him again, I'll go titan all over your ass."
Emalina's words had the man laughing in her face. "Are you kidding me? Titan? Eren's the titan, not you!"
Reaching down, she grasped the knife she kept hidden inside her boot. Placing the sharp edge down against her palm, she raised it so Floch could see. "Wanna bet?"
Standing, it was my turn to intervene. I pulled Emalina back by the shoulders, having her sit so I could deal with this asshole. She replaced her knife into her boot, but, if the stare she was giving Floch could kill, then he'd be on the floor dead right now. "Listen, Floch, a lot of fucked up shit has happened since Trost. Things you'll never understand. So why don't you leave us alone for now."
"Sure, whatever."
He turned to leave with his friends. As he passed by, I took hold of him by the collar and pulled him close. Speaking as if it was just the two of us, I said, "If you ever pull a stunt like that to Emalina in front of me again, you will have me to deal with, and Levi as well. I won't put up with your shit."
Eyes wide, the man dared to ask, "What's the Captain have to do with this?"
"Captain Levi is my brother," Emalina answered. Rotating her neck to stare at the man, she smiled wickedly. "And trust me when I tell you that he'd have fun beating the crap out of you."
That did the trick. Releasing his collar, the man nearly fled out of the hall, followed closely by his friends. Waiting until they were gone, I reclaimed my seat, my hand immediately reaching for Emalina's thigh. "Hey, are you alright?"
She smiled, nodding her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't like what he said. It was rude to you."
I shrugged. "As long as he knows not to mess with you, he can say whatever he wants about me; I don't give a shit." Wrapping my arm over her shoulder, I pulled her against my chest, kissing the top of her head. "I'm just glad you're alright."
"Seriously, what was his issue?" Sasha asked. "Why did he have the audacity to ask Ema such a question?"
"I agree. Floch's still just an ass like he was during training," was Connie's answer. Looking at Emalina, he said, "He shouldn't have touched you like that. I'm glad you slapped him."
"He had it coming," Emalina said, taking another piece of her pie.
"Good." Gathering his plates, Connie stood from his seat. "Well then, I'm out," he declared. "See ya later."
Sasha watched as he left the table. "Huh? Now?"
"Tomorrow's supposed to be a prep day, so I'm planning to head to my village in the morning. There's a chance I might find something new there. Goodnight." He walked off.
Once he was gone, Sasha dropped her spoon in her stew. "Think we can turn Connie's mother back to normal someday? I mean, it's not impossible, is it?"
"Well, if our knowledge about titans continues to improve, then yeah, maybe," Armin stated, trying to give a positive answer.
"I don't see how it's impossible," Emalina said with a mouthful. "I mean, look at me, for example. I turned into a titan by being injected with something. Who's to say titans can't revert back to their human selves? There's gotta be a way; I don't think we've found it yet." Rubbing her leg, I nodded in agreement.
"…like a nightmare," Eren suddenly stated out of nowhere. "So much has happened that I haven't had time to question it. Who do you guys think that we're fighting against? The thing is, I've always hated the titans. But what if they're just people being tormented by some nightmare? For a time at least, I was one of them myself."
"Eren!"
Emalina jumped at Mikasa's sharp tone. Mikasa then said something about Eren needing to finish his Mel; I don't know. Taking Emalina's hand, I asked her, "You sure you're alright? You seem a little off tonight."
She sighed, shuffling her fork around her plate. "I'm not sure. Floch's words didn't sit right with me; that should be obvious. I just…maybe I'm antsy? I mean…we leave for Shiganshina in just a few days and, well…this next expedition is just nerve-wracking."
Tightening my hand, I felt Emalina drop hers over mine. Gazing at her, Emalina was hiding something. She was slightly reverting to her other self, where she hid everything instead of talking it out. I wondered what was really on her mind. I wanted to ask her about it but thought she'd be more comfortable if it was just the two of us rather than around our friends.
On the opposite side of the table, I could hear Eren complain about something again, forcing me to roll my eyes. "Get it together, Eren. Enough with the sad mumbling already. It's all you do these days." Turning my attention to him, I continued, "You know what you should be focusing on? That guy you saw - from the memories you were given when Reiss and Historia touched you. You said you saw a Scout that must've known your dad, right?"
"Yeah," he responded. "I think he might've been with my dad when the wall fell. If he's alive, he'll know something. He seems so familiar; I can't shake the feeling that I've met him somewhere."
"Do you mean he seemed familiar to you?" asked Armin. "Or just your dad?"
"Me, I think."
"It might help to smack yourself in the head," Sasha offered an idea. I'd be down for such a plan if I were the one who could smack him.
"Yeah, you should try that out. You know what else might be helpful? If instead of holding hands with Historia, you get a headbutt from the Commandant." I shivered, remembering the time Shadis knocked me upside the head.
"…maybe it'll help if you describe what he looks like?" Emalina glanced at Eren. "It might help to talk it out. That way, we can get a picture of who you saw."
"That's not a bad idea," Sasha agreed.
"Hmm," Eren hummed, seeming conflicted. "Well, he was older, that's for sure. With short brown hair, a slightly long nose…and he had crinkles in the corners of his eyes."
Armin groaned. "…that could practically be anybody."
"That's why I haven't mentioned it. I don't know who the hell it is." Eren groaned, too.
"Did he have a beard?" Emalina asked, rubbing her chin.
"No, he was clean-shaven," Eren answered.
Counting off on her fingers, Emalina began whispering to herself. "…so he was in the Scouts…he's clean shaven…brown hair…crinkles…and this would have been around five years ago before the wall fell. Who was in the Scouts at the time…?" Everyone turned to her as she spoke aloud, though she was mainly talking to herself. A lightbulb appeared in her mind as the woman's eyes grew large. She banged the table, causing everyone, including myself, to jump in alarm. "I know who it is!"
"No, you don't, Emalina," Eren said. "There's just no way you could know."
I rolled my eyes. "Who do you think it is, Ema?"
"Keith Shadis!" She declared.
"The Commandant?!" Sasha screeched.
"Yeah! With your description, he's what I'm picturing in my head! Before Erwin, he was the previous Commander of the Scouts, so I know he would've passed through Shiganshina whenever they left on their expeditions. You've always been fascinated with the Scouts, no? Didn't you say you would always watch when they left and returned?"
Eren stared at her with an eyebrow raised. "Yeah…that's right."
"Because of that, you would've seen him return, right? Plus, we did spend three years with the guy. Not only that, but Shadis stopped by Uma hundreds of times. When I think of the guy you're describing, he's the one that comes to mind!"
This caused titan boy to freeze momentarily as he considered Emalina's statement. Eren's eyes then grew wide. "Hey, wait…she's on to something." He slammed his hands onto the table and then stood to his feet. "She's right! It's Commandant Shadis! I gotta go speak with the Captain!"
And then he was gone, leaving Mikasa and Armin to follow him. Not long after that, Sasha declared she was also getting tired, Marlowe not far from her tail, leaving Emalina and me at the table. Seeing how we both finished our dessert, we decided to call it a night. As we passed by Levi, we wished him a good night as we trekked upstairs until we reached our room, not before Emalina dropped a loving kiss against his temple. Once we were upstairs and the door was shut, Emalina flung herself upon the bed face down.
Sitting down beside her, I rubbed the small of her back. "What's wrong?"
"Ugh, I dunno…everything?" She mumbled into the mattress.
Chuckling, I asked, "What about everything?"
Turning her head against the mattress, she stared at me. "The next expedition, what Floch did tonight, meeting Shadis possibly tomorrow…I think I'm just overwhelmed…"
"Let's start with Shadis…what's going on with that?"
"I dunno, I just find the situation odd. What information or intel could the Commandant give us that could even help? Besides, is it that important we go and see him now? Right before we leave for Shiganshina?"
Still rubbing her back, I sighed. "I mean, who knows, he might know something that could help. Besides, it's not like the training grounds are far from Trost."
She rolled her eyes. "That's true…I dunno…Eren, it seems like this is life or death, and I don't want it disappointing him."
"Eren's a big boy; he'll be just fine." She seemed to giggle, which then turned into a groan. "Come on, there's something you're not telling me."
Not answering, she rolled over, scooting her back against the wall. The silence between us was torture as I gazed at her while she could only look at her feet. "…I'm afraid, Jean." Her low voice caught me off guard; I wasn't sure what to say. When I didn't say anything except to cover her thigh with my hand, she continued. "I think it's a given that Reiner and Bertholdt are waiting for us in Shiganshina, but… what will happen? I…I know we'll have to take them down, but…" Curling her legs into herself, Emalina lowered her head; I could tell her eyes were glistening. "I don't think I'm strong enough to do that."
"Yes, you are." Rotating my body, I wrapped an arm around the woman, pulling her into me. Her shaky breath did not escape my attention. Rubbing my hands up and down her arms, I needed the woman to hear my words. "I'm not gonna lie, Emalina, this battle will be difficult, and there's a chance we…may not even come back at all." She released a whimper, my hands holding onto her for dear life. "But there's one thing I know for certain, and that's that you'll beat the crap out of Reiner and Bertholdt."
Her whimper turned into a chuckle. "No, not just me," she admitted. "All of us will beat the crap out of them…especially you."
"Heh, you got that right. After what they've put you through, what they've put us through, I'll make them pay. I swear I will."
"…there's…something else," Emalina admitted, her fist clenching my shirt tightly.
Stroking her face, I asked, "And what's that, kitten?"
Biting her lip, she answered, "I'm scared Reiner will control me again…" I was about to say something when she cut me off with a worried expression. "Oh shit, what if he does and I hurt someone? What if I hurt you?!" Pulling away from me, she launched herself off the bed to pace around the room.
"Emalina."
"Holy shit, what if I accidentally kill one of you?!"
"Emalina!" Taking hold of the woman's shoulders, I made her stop. Gazing up at me, she had unshed tears in her eyes, and as they fell, I cleared them away with my thumbs. "Listen to me…You have experimented and worked very hard to perfect your titan abilities. I know you'll be able to use that to your advantage. You have complete control over your titan; Reiner will not be able to use that against you."
Sniffling, she muttered, "Are you sure…?"
"Yes," I said. "Besides, I'll be there to call your name like last time; I'll protect you no matter the cost."
Falling into my arms, Emalina tightened her hold around my back. "Oh Jean…just, please, promise me…promise me everything will be alright!"
Cupping her face, I forced Emalina's attention on me. Gazing into her beautiful blue eyes, I became lost in such wonder, such grace. "I promise…everything will be alright. You, me and all our friends will survive this. We'll defeat Reiner and Bertholdt, close up the hole in the wall, and come back to Trost to live our lives."
Blinking, I couldn't tell if she believed me or if her fear was completely taking over her body. "Then, promise me you'll do everything possible to survive because I need you. The cottage, breeding horses, starting a family…we agreed that's the life we want, so please, don't…!"
Silencing her with a kiss, I sucked on her bottom lip, asking for entrance. When she opened her mouth, I thrust my tongue inside, searching for hers. I kissed the woman as if my life depended on it. Sensing the woman was growing weak in the knees, I pulled back, watching how her eyes slowly opened.
"I will not die, Emalina, because we will live such a life." Tightening my hold on her, I said, "I vowed to marry you, didn't I? How can that happen if I'm dead?"
Surprised by her chuckle, Emalina shook her head. "That's true."
Running my hand through her hair, I said, "Why don't we change and head to bed? It's getting late, and we need to save all the energy we can for the next few days."
Nodding her head in agreement, we quickly changed into something comfier before lying down. Holding the woman in my arms, we didn't fall asleep instantly. Seeing how she had calmed down, Emalina and I spent some time simply talking, easing our minds away from the upcoming expedition.
As we talked, the moon filtering through the room glowed upon Emalina's skin. I traced my fingers up and down her arm, trying to calm the woman down. I could tell she was still worked up about her anxiety and fears, though I didn't blame her. This expedition would be a lot more complex than the last. This time, I was sure death was an imminent possibility for most of the Scouts. The question then became, who would die? Who would live?
I didn't want there to be any more pointless death. I knew I couldn't save everyone; that's simply impossible, but I would try.
With this woman wrapped in my arms, I made a vow to myself that I would do whatever was necessary if it meant I survived. I had to. It was all I cared about for her, our promises, our future. I'd fight tooth and nail if it meant we'd see such a future together.
~ oOo ~
EMALINA
The following morning, we all rose nice and early to make it to the Cadet Corp training grounds by a decent time. We made it in record time by horse, the sun high into the early afternoon sky when we were there. Leaving our horses near the entrance, we walked across the all-to-familiar dirt area. Flashbacks and memories of the three years we spent here flooded my mind, leaving me astonished that it had only been four months since graduation.
Sometimes, I've wished we were still in training because then we wouldn't have seen what we've experienced thus far. Then again, most of those experiences were with Jean and my friends, ones I would never trade for the world.
Along the far cliff stood Commandant Keith Shadis; as we approached, Eren called out his name. We all stood there waiting for the Commandant to question why we were there. Funnily enough, Sasha stood behind Jean and me; her fear of Shadis was still real. Eren explained that we needed to speak with him on urgent matters, and he agreed to talk with us. Walking through us, he beelined straight towards me and offered me a side embrace, to which I returned the gesture.
"It's good to see you, Emalina," he said, slightly endearing.
"You too, Keith." Most of the others gasped that I used his first name, some still not knowing that I'd known this man my whole life. Only Jean, Levi, and Hange remained unhinged. I was even surprised Sasha gasped, but, currently, she didn't even want to be around the man.
Leading us away from where we met, Shadis allowed us entry into a separate room that was only used if we were to have a one-on-one conversation with Shadis himself. Everyone sat around the table except for Sasha, who stood pinned entirely straight in the corner, ever away from the Commandant.
Shadis took note of this. "What's the matter, Braus? Not gonna sit?"
"No! I'm quite fine standing here, sir!" She nearly screamed.
"Let's see…" Shadis took a long look at us from the last graduating class. "If I recall, back in the day, I'd call you in here a lot when I was about to chew you out. It's only been a handful of months, and yet I barely recognize you kids." He sighed.
"So, Commander Shadis, or wait, Commandant now. We should be prepping to capture Wall Maria, but…tell me, why do you suppose we came to speak with you instead?"
Shadis stared at all of us again before landing on Eren specifically. "Eren, you look like your mother in almost every way. However, the daggers I see within your eyes, those are your fathers."
Eren quickly stood to his feet. "Tell me about him. Tell me everything you know."
"I don't know much at all. Not in the grand scheme of things. That said, I'll tell you a story that's of no value whatsoever to humanity—the story of my past as nothing but a bystander. Twenty years ago, near Wall Maria, I found him standing out by the gate to Shiganshina. Was it the truth or a lie? He said he couldn't remember why he was outside the walls. All of his memories had been lost. Everything aside from his name: Grisha Jaeger."
His voice fell after that, almost like he relived the memories.
"I was a chosen one; that was the first time anyone had told me that. But I knew that those walls were far too cramped for me. It's true; normal people can't accomplish a thing. After I found you, I carried your unconscious body back to the shelter and left. And that is everything I know."
Everyone at the table remained silent. I couldn't imagine what Eren was thinking, so I glanced at him. Wide-eyed and fearful. But of what?
"So that's it?" He said calmly…to calmly. "I see."
Hange stepped forward; I could see her anger coming through.
"At least now I know the real reason you chose to resign. Not to atone for all the soldiers you got killed, but because you realized that you're not a special snowflake. Just a delusional self-centered child."
Ouch, Hange.
"Lay off him, Hange," Levi intervened.
"You had no right to keep all of this to yourself just to spare your own ego! We pledge to give our lives and our hearts for the good of mankind!"
"Please let it go, Hange," Eren said quietly. "The Commandant was right. Just like him, I was never special. Looks like I'm just the son of a man that was. That's all there is to it."
"After I yelled at her, this is what your mother said back. 'Why should anyone have to be special? That just isn't the way I like to look at things. And when it comes to my child, I don't care if he grows up to be great. My son doesn't have to be better than anyone. After all, just look at him! He's so cute! I think Eren's special enough already. For no other reason the night he was born into this world.' And…that's it."
Silence.
It was deafening, that's for sure. Glancing around the room, everyone tried to piece together such a tale. Sitting there, I didn't know what to do, but somebody had to speak. Either to excuse us so we could leave or something. I was about to open my mouth when Shadis beat me to it.
"Emalina," he called my name. Lifting my head, both Jean and I stared at the Commandant. "I'm glad you're here too. There's something I've been meaning to give you."
All eyes were on me at this point. Shrugging my shoulders, I had no idea what Shadis was talking about. If he had something for me, why not hand it over while we were in training? He did have three years to do so, so why now? Watching as he excused himself, Sasha appeared behind me, her hands gripping my shoulders.
"So, what do you think it is?" She asked, though her fear was still evident.
"Hell, I don't know!"
"Yeah, so, Ema…why do you call the Commandant by his first name?" Eren asked as he, Armin, and Mikasa stared at me questionably.
I laughed. "It's because I've known the man since I was a kid. But, out of respect for him being my superior, I called him by his title during training. Any other time I've called him by his first name."
"How have you known him since you were a kid?" Armin asked.
"It's because of my village, Uma. He bred horses for all the Districts, but the Scouts had a connection with Uma and purchased all their horses from us. Since I was little, Keith had trekked to my village with other Scout members to purchase and take the steeds back to their headquarters." I smiled at the memory. "Because of that, Keith and my dad became really good friends, and he treated me nicely whenever I saw him."
"So…during training…it's not that he gave you special treatment, it's just…" Eren seemed to be connecting the puzzle pieces.
"It's just because I knew him personally."
"Oh shit," he muttered. Lifting his gaze, Eren stared straight at me. "I…fuck, I'm sorry, Emalina…I said some nasty things to you during training and - "
"You did," I said calmly.
Eren flinched, either from my statement, or he was still remembering all the times he cussed me out for my relationship with Keith. "Still, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed the negative because of the rumors that were going around about you."
Levi lifted his head. "Rumors? What fucking rumors?"
I patted my brother's hand to calm him down. "Do you remember my injuries from our first-year exam?"
"I do," my brother answered darkly.
"The girls behind the incident had been spreading rumors about me since training started."
Jean jumped in next, filling in the gaps so Levi could understand what Eren was discussing. "They thought she was getting special treatment from Shadis."
"They also spread some other nasty rumors, but…well, it doesn't matter now," I laughed nervously.
"I'm just glad they were dealt with," Levi spat, then glanced at Eren. "So, instead of talking with Ema directly, you believed those little shits on what they were saying?"
Eren shivered, but I chuckled that he was getting reprimanded for something that happened in the past. "I, I mean…"
"What Eren is trying to say," Jean leaned close to Levi so he could speak in a quieter voice. "Is that, no, he never asked Ema directly."
"Jean! You don't have to tattle on me!" Eren squealed, face bright red.
"After all the shit you gave my girlfriend? Oh, hell, yes, I do!"
"She wasn't your girlfriend at the time, horse face!"
"Fucking shit, she was still my best friend, you suicidal maniac!"
I nudged my elbow into Levi as I leaned closer to him. "And this is what training was like for three fucking years."
"What, that they bickered like children?" He asked.
"Yep!" I tried stifling my chuckle but was unsuccessful.
There was then a roar of laughter filtering in through the doorway. "Oh damn, does this bring me back!"
The Commandant returned, holding his side as he reclaimed his seat. Just as he sat down, the man turned his attention toward me, smiling the entire time. Passing a small book to Jean, he asked my boyfriend to pass it along to me. So, he passed it to Jean, who then passed it to Levi, who, finally, passed it to me. As I grasped the book from my brother's hands, I eyed Keith, who nodded slowly as I read the cover. "The Art of Equestrian Training?" Stealing a peek at Shadis, he didn't do or say anything, so I opened the cover to see the name 'Alexander Varlen' written on the first page.
"Alexander Varlen…Alexander…" I repeated the name several times. The name finally clicked after a moment, and I shot my head toward Shadis. "That's my grandfather's name!" I screeched. "Wait… you knew my father, but you knew my grandfather too?!"
Even after the previous discussion regarding Eren, Shadis still found it within himself to laugh. "Emalina, I knew your entire family."
"But…how did you get this?" I quickly flipped through the book, the penmanship familiar to my memories, until I realized that it truly belonged to my grandfather. "Oh my god, he wrote this, didn't he?"
Shadis nodded. "Your grandfather gave that to me before you were even born. It had been a regular trip to Uma to purchase horses for the regiment. Your grandfather always helped with choosing the best steeds they had bred. One day, we discussed how the regiment could train the steeds for all recruits; he then gave me that and said it would have all the answers." He chuckled. "I can't tell you how many times I've read that book and actually used what he wrote. I thought about giving it to you during training, but…I think now was the best time to do so."
"But…why give it to me at all? Wouldn't this be more useful for the Cadet Corp?"
"True, true, but…there's no point when I've memorized everything that book offers. Besides…" The man rubbed his chin. "Isn't that the book you were talking about years ago? The one Erwin promised he would help you retrieve?"
"Well, yeah…because I thought this was the book my father used!" My mouth fell in utter shock.
Keith shook his head. "No, no…this one is different. The one your father used is the one he wrote. That book probably covers the same information, but this one is solely from your grandfather. Great man," the Commandant added. Noticing the glisten in my eyes, the man's face softened. "Your grandfather and father would be extremely proud of where you are today, Emalina." The man then peered over at our friend. "The same could be said about you, Eren. Grisha would have been proud."
This caught Eren off guard. "T-Thank you, sir."
Still in disbelief, I quickly glanced through the pages. "Commandant…Keith, I…! This is wonderful. Thank you so much!" Quickly standing, I maneuvered around the table and tackled the man sitting down. He wrapped his arm around my back and returned the gesture. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Nearly screaming, I ignored everybody as I shoved my face into the book, completely disregarding everyone's stares as I walked outside. I could hear laughter within the room, and soon, people came out to join me. I didn't even sense Jean walking up to me, his arm carefully placed around my waist.
"The book that good, huh?"
Squealing, I lifted my eyes towards his and nodded frantically. "This is fantastic! Look at this!" Jumping to his side, I opened the book to show him what I was reading. "This is my grandfather's handwriting! And look! There are even drawings he made! Agh! This is the best thing ever!" Cradling it to my chest, I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I barely remember my grandfather, so to have something that once belonged to him genuinely made me happy.
Ruffling my hair, Jean said, "Don't get too excited, kitten. We still have the trek back to Trost."
"Jean's right." Peering around Jean, I noticed Levi and the others had joined the two of us outside. "It's high time we head back. There's much preparation we still need to take care of."
"Alright, Levi, but I gotta show you this!"
Walking beside him, I showed my brother the same pictures and descriptions I had shown Jean. Whether he was genuinely interested or not, Levi didn't show it. He was attentive to what I had to say; the slight smile he wore told me everything I needed to know. By the time we reached the horses, I had hastily skimmed through all the pages, eager to return to Headquarters and begin reading.
Though as happy as I was, the biggest problem was still at the forefront of my mind: Shiganshina. Jean and I discussed my fears last night, but they were still there. Would we survive? Would we win? As we raced back to Trost, I kept playing our discussion repeatedly in my mind.
We would survive.
We would win.
We'll take back Wall Maria for the good of mankind, to better ourselves, those we love, and our future generations. I would trust my abilities as a soldier and a titan. Because I would, with my life on the line, protect everyone I hold dear.
I will not let them die.
~ oOo ~
It might be some time, but check back to see what and when I post next :) It would be for this story; it could be something different, who knows. But Please stay tuned.
DragonGoddess629