A/N: Fanon Dumbledore has appeared! But other fanon versions are going to appear at some point. Also, I'm trans, so you can miss me with that garbage. I write this because I enjoy the series and its magical cast of characters. In today's chapter, things only get weirder. Yes, a lot of cliches will be exposed, or just made fun of. Either or. Anyway, a certain trope is coming, so prepare yourselves. Also, note that while I hate Peter, I refuse to ever write rats being killed, so if he gets killed, it will be outside of his animagus form. I own rats, that's why I'm touchy about that. There are some good fanfics out there with these tropes, I'm just making fun of the general idea.

Doesn't mean plot won't come hit his ass.

Chapter 2: Boggart!Ron's five seconds of fame.

He would succeed where the Headmaster had failed. He would go find Potter, that slimy git, and get him into Gryffindor himself, he had to marry Hermione! He just had to!

His mother, bloody hell, she was terrifying, she had gotten him into this bollocks, by believing everything Dumbledore did was golden like the Golden Snitch. Last he checked, he wasn't gonna be a golden snitch and wind up telling anyone what she planned on having him do.

For some reason, Fred and George always seemed to be the only people with common sense in the family.

"Ginny, next year, you'll all go to Hogwarts together and you'll get your dream husband." Molly sighed.

Ginny giggled and laughed.

"Mum, we'd better get out of the house." Fred said, after observing that one of his magic spells had detected a strange odor in the air.

Their dinner being levitated to outside, alongside the tables and chairs, and the pet rat, Scabbers, the confused Weasleys tumbled outside. (Scabbers was spared for the mere sake of the plot making sense, not because he has value.)

"Is this one of your pranks?"

The next second, there was a loud boom as the house exploded. Nothing was killed by the blast besides the troll that lived in the attic and a few gnomes.

"Mum, we've had that thing Dad talked about in our house. Carbun Mun-oxide poisoning. Apparently, it makes people go insane and start hallucinating."

"Oh, you two are too much!" She rejoiced. "Oh, what was I even saying before? Ginny is too young to be married!"

Relief returned to the Weasley household as sanity returned to all of the residents.

Meanwhile, a frustrated Boggart stood outside, annoyed. That should have worked.

Unfortunately, freedom was short-lived, for then Severus appeared and wrapped his arms around the BoggartDore and kidnapped him back to Hogwarts.

"I was trying to change the world for the better!"

"By killing that annoying family? Surely, you are better than that." Snape snarked. "I grow tired of babysitting you, so I'm going to have to make you show me your memories."

"No! Not again!"

"You have the right to self-defense." Snape began his mind penetration immediately.

What he saw was repulsive, disgusting and horrifying.

"I see. You wanted to make Potter turn to the Dark Side, so you decided to take a Time Turner and come back to this time and make his allies crazy. The only one who gets to make the boy's life hell is me. You forgot that."

He whined, so Snape hit him.

"You are not the Headmaster I respect, so for now, I'll use you as the next experiment for my students. The next failed potion will be fed to you. I do so hope you find it delectable. The last one caused boils to erupt on students, and the second to last caused others to grow pimples."

"You're just moldy-short's pawn! He has no power at all!"

Snape hurled him into a magical cabinet that was secured with many more jinxes and slammed it shut.

"He will not be getting out."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, a scream could be heard, and a thirteen year old Hermione Granger instantly used the Petrificus Totalus charm on a weird-looking Ron.

"Bloody hell, what is that thing? It looks just like me!"

"Can nothing ever make sense around here?" Harry grumbled.

"We've got to find out what he is and why he's here." Hermione said, fully intent on interrogating the creature for all it was worth. "And if it tries to do anything, it will die."

"Mione!" The creature drawled, only to be on the receiving end of a jelly jinx curse.

"Disgusting. I don't know what you are, but you aren't Ron, and why do you have another Time Turner?"

Idiot!Ron explained. But instead of understanding, she grew furious and proceeded to use several more curses on him.

Regular Ron watched from the sidelines. "Wow, mate, this version of me is really stupid."

"Don't befriend the git! He speaks to snakes!"

"Harry is my best mate, and best friend, man. Put a sock in it."

Idiot!Ron was driven to shock. He had to make him realize he was right.

"I hate Slytherins." Canon Harry said, shocking Idiot!Ron so much he passed out.

"Can we like, throw him to the giant squid?" Ron suggested.

Hermione was already about to do that.

"Save me-"

"Silencio!"

Idiot!Ron thought he knew hell until he met Hermione.

He was wrong.

"You do not spy on your friends! Or hurt your friends!"

Ron was laughing in the background at his idiotic alternate self.

All was well…for now.