I'm making a list and I am checking it twice. Time to find out who's naughty or nice. I am coming to pound town. Kidding. Rael did insinuate I should make use of my talents to incentivize this miscreant to never violate maritime law again. Now that I am a small quarian, I'm going full chihuahua on this poor sap. While I dislike being intimidating because I believe it is a large part why I had difficulty making friends, it does have its uses as well as being a guilty pleasure. Oh here the scumbag comes now. A male only a couple of inches shorter than I walked into my domain. The intentionally dim lighting and a few sharp objects intentionally left in open view really set the mood. How fitting he is dressed for a funeral. His visor is foggy gray and his suit is varying shades of black. The pattern resembles a coffin I need to build for him. Oh lord I just now see the small spikes on top of his shoulders. He dare approaches me. A low penetrating voice attempts to get more than one syllable when I so rudely interrupt him. Time to turn on Kratos mode.
"BOY! What sad sack of ancestors popped you out?" Thank god the visor hides my face.
He jerks back. Good.
"I-"
"You keep your lips shut, the air in your lungs, and ears open when I'm talking boy. You're on a short leash. You are going to do what I tell you exactly as I say it and if you want to spit up continuous word vomit, I'll rip off your jaw and use the sharp part of your mandible and drill a new ear hole like I did to the last guy. Do I make myself clear boy?!" Ok I'm being a little mean.
This wanna be tough guy is lighting up in complete fear. Oh he is going to regret whatever he did.
"You did that before?" he asked.
"He deserved it. Be grateful I'm going easy on you. You disturbed my peace and I earned my fucking peace. Is this seriously how you dress on the first day? You have wrinkles everywhere. You pissed off the authorities and now you think it is a good idea to aggravate my eyes?"
"It's not my fault. The wrinkles will go away when I grow into my suit" He said.
What?
"Wait… how old are you?" I ask.
"I'm 14" he said.
Oh…
"Seriously? Why is your voice so deep?" I asked.
"I set my voice like that. I think it sounds cool" He said.
Oh no! I'm stuck with an emo teen for the day. I wish someone would have told me that before I cranked up the terror.
"This isn't the place for cool kids. If you wanted to be cool, you shouldn't have done whatever it is you did. I bet you are regretting whatever choice you made aren't you?" I said.
"Please mister calm down. I'm sorry I broke the light bulb" he said truthfully.
"What? You are serious?" I ask.
"Yes. Why are you so mad?" he asked.
"I was told to do whatever I needed to prevent recidivism more or less. They seriously sent you here for breaking a cheap glass object? What aren't you telling me?" I asked.
"My friends and I finished our education lessons for the day. In the courtyard, there is this red emergency light way up high. Boredom set in. We were trying to see who could touch it. I ran up the wall to get higher and accidentally slammed it" he said.
"And?"
"And I broke it. I didn't mean to. Ancestors I swear. I only did it beca-" the young lad stopped himself.
"You better spill it now or I'll annoy you the entire day and I can be really annoying" I threatened.
"I-I did it to try and impress a girl" he confessed.
This is the most drama I have had in over two weeks.
"I see. Why are the authorities so pissed? Just pay for the replacement" I said.
"Is it true you were raised by humans?" He asked.
"Yep. There I answered your question and now answer mine" I demand.
"Our ships are our homes and damaging our homes, even in the slightest, is a big deal" he said.
"So, they sent you here to learn how much work goes into keeping this ship running huh?" I asked.
"I thought they didn't want me breaking any more lights" he said.
"Hmm… Ok I'm still new to quarian culture and this honestly seems way overblown from my point of view but if you have to be punished, you have to be punished" I said.
"Do I really have to? I already embarrassed myself in front of everybody. Now she'll never look at me again" he dramatically said.
"Bro, it was a bad day. Not the last day. There'll be more chances" why is this turning into a punishment for me? This kid is so moppy it's thickening the air. I wrap my arm around his pointy shoulders.
"Listen here my monochromatic friend. Stick with me and I'll show you the whole world and much more. We'll start with the reds, then move on to the oranges, the color not the fruit, the yellows, the greenies, which are really good to put into the brownies which prevent the munchies" I said.
"Ugh- - Alright. Whatever you say. Did you really rip someone's jaw off?" he asked.
I look away "yeah it was a moment of weakness. I just freed some human women who were going to be trafficked and I captured the ring leader. Long story short he said the most vile things I ever heard, lost it and pulled his jaw off."
"Whoa!" he said. Yeah I'm amazing.
I ask "What's your name kid?"
"Got" he said.
…
Really?
…
"You're joking" I said.
"Not at all. Why would you think that?" he asked. I swear an invisible force is screwing with me. The universe really dropped me off a goth kid and removed the H?
"Well Got, if you think that is cool, I have so many more stories to tell. If you do my work for me, I'll tell you some tales" I offered.
"After what I just heard, I'm not sure I want to know. Hey, is it true you are bonded to the Tali? The admiral's daughter?" Got asked.
"Not permanently. You sound confused. Why so surprised?" I asked.
"How did you get her?" Got asked.
"I was with Commander Shepard when we saved Tali from some evil doers. I love to tell people she shot me then but she didn't. Anyways we brought her onboard the Normandy, his ship, and we became friends. I hit a low point and she helped me out." I said.
"There was another quarian with Shepard? YOU KNEW SHEPARD!?" Got asked.
"Yeah. He'll never publicly say it but I am his bestest friendsy foreversies. We're going to retire in the same condo together one day" I said.
"What was he like? He's got to be super cool like the vids" Got said.
"He's strong. Mentally and physically. He takes his responsibilities very seriously. Perhaps a bit much. He's a good man who likes to pretend to hate the ocean for some reason. Sad to see the Alliance put his zombie butt in jail" I said. Thankfully he's allowed to keep his omnitool and videochat with me. His cell is bigger than this closet we're in.
"He's a hero to everyone. Why did the Alliance send him to prison?" Got asked.
"Because he technically worked for a terrorist organization and the Alliance had to make an example out of him" I said.
"Even though he saved the galaxy? Doesn't that earn him a pass?" Got asked.
"Ha! If only. Shepard made a deal that everyone involved would get immunity if he surrendered. Not like I would allow Tali or myself to be imprisoned" I said.
"Wait, were you on the first or second Normandy?" Got asked.
"Both. I liked the second one better. It was nicer and made alot of good memories aboard'' I said.
"We thought Tali was the only quarian on his team. How did you meet Shepard? Did he recruit you as well? Why didn't we hear about you?" Got asked.
"I like my privacy. I'll start from the beginning. I was camping on a human colony world when it was attacked by Saren and his geth and I helped out clearing the town. Afterwards I stayed to carry the dead into the cargo bay. I was inside the ship when it took off and one thing led to another" I said.
"What does camping mean?" Got asked.
"That is when you spend days outdoors. Hiking, fishing, sleeping, eating, resting. I find it very relaxing" I said.
"WHOA! What was it like? Being on a planet?" Got asked.
"Imagine this, but the ground is uneven but soft, there are green leaves around. Instead of engine humming it is wind making noise as it goes by or birds singing." I said.
"Where did you sleep? How did you keep warm?" Got asked.
"I made myself a lean-to. A temporary shelter made from tree branches and leaves. A fire kept me warm until I fell asleep" I said.
"YOU SLEPT NEXT TO A FIRE! IN THE WOODS! SLEPT IN SOMETHING FLAMMABLE! How did you not burn everything down? Doesn't that happen?" Got asked.
"It is fine. You make a ring of rocks and keep the fire in there. Honestly even with matches it is hard enough to start a fire. I have no idea how people accidentally start a forest fire while I'm struggling to get some coals" I said.
"How are you still alive?" Got asked.
"Something inside wouldn't let me die" I said.
"Is that why Tali likes you? Because you're tough?" Got asked.
"All women like me. It is not that surprising" I said.
"All women?" Got skeptically asked.
"Nearly all women" I said.
"Nearly all women?" Got skeptically asked.
"Let me cope" I said.
"Ugh… so how did you and Tali become bonded?" Got asked.
"Why do you even care? Aren't you a little young to be dating? You should focus on becoming a real man. Keep your seeds inside your wedding vegetables until the intense sexual pressure explodes the tree of life through your head" I said.
"What?" Got asked.
"Actually I think it is the buildup of cerebrospinal fluid going up and widening the central canal of the spinal cord until it reaches the top of your brain, unlocking its full potential, which explains the kundalini symbolism, why women can also do it, and happens sporadically in a few" I said.
"You're really weird" Got said.
"Do you want my help or not?" I asked.
"Yes…" Got said like he is going to regret asking.
"Honestly, I liked Tali when I met her, but I didn't know what was going on in my life at the time and didn't try anything. After We beat Saren, I left and lived on TuChunka for a while. Helped the krogan bring back civilization. A couple years later Shepard came back needing help and recruited me again. A while later Tali came back, and she confessed her feelings for me. At first, I was hesitant. Afraid my idea of her was just that and she wasn't how I pictured her in my head. But she said the most amazing things. I gave her a chance and am so happy I did, and we've been together since. Moral of the story is, let things play out naturally" I said.
"That's honestly not what I was hoping to hear. I was hoping for pickup lines or methods to get a girl to like me. Wait… I thought a human was living on TuChunka with the krogans. Didn't he help them out?" Got asked.
"Oh… there was a human there… BUT I was the one who helped them out with the finer details. Modifying a barely surviving mako to turn it's axle for pumping air into a furnace and using the other side for a lathe, and all kinds of other stuff. Teaching them blacksmithing, carpentry, glassblowing, and more. Did you really think one regular old human could have done it all by himself? That would be incredibly unrealistic."
"That makes alot of sense. Humans aren't that smart" Got said.
"Excuse you?" I said.
"I-I what I meant was…" Got is at a loss for words.
"Go on. We have all day for you to come up with something" I nudge him.
"I didn't mean it" Got said.
"I'll sweat that arrogance out of you if I hear anything like that again. Understand?" I said.
Got comically shakes his head "YES."
"Yes what?"
"Um?"
YES SIR!" I yelled.
"YES SIR."
That was a long day. We had alot of items dropped off today for recharging and work took forever as Got did all the work so slowly. I watched him out of the corner of my eye while I watched cute varen videos all day on my omnitool. I like cats better. Holy crap! I just realized how late it is. Tali must have been off work for an hour now. I MISSED AN HOUR WITH MY SWEETIE. I run out the door and head over to the 'apartment.'
Rael asks "Hello *********. How did your day go with the young quarian?"
"Let's see. I gave him advice on women, dropped a secret of the universe, scared him straight, taught him the rainbow, not in that order. It was an okay day. Hi Tali, I'm sorry I worked late."
Tali asks "It's fine but I am very tired. Are you ready for sleep my love?"
"I'll never turn down a night with you."