*If you jumped straight to the last chapter, chapters 23 and 24 have been posted together. Just letting you know so no one misses anything. :-)*

Angela rolled over in bed, attempting to get away from the sunlight that was robbing her of extra sleep. Instead of Eric, she was met with an empty bed, which woke her up further. She could smell coffee and was torn: sleep or caffeine? Life's necessities taunted her from opposite sides of the spectrum. The choice was all but made for her when she heard the door open.

"Hey, sleepyhead! I got breakfast."

"Coffee," she mumbled, extending her hand.

"Yes, I got that, too," he said, handing over the cup. "I'm not that stupid."

After a few sips of coffee she started to wake up a little. She looked at the clock and saw that it was just after eight. "How long have you been up?"

"Half hour, maybe a bit longer, but not much."

"I was on your shoulder again, wasn't I?"

"It's not a big deal."

"It is if it chases you out of bed. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I was waking up anyway."

"Maybe we should try switching sides next time and see if it happens when I'm on the right. Who knew I'd be such a cuddly sleeper? Between the two of us that seems like a total you move. I'm selectively affectionate. You're a big teddy bear."

"Well then that explains it," he began, as he sat down beside her and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm so sweet and lovable you can't help but be drawn to me, even in your sleep. I'm that irresistible to you."

"I'm not awake enough to be this cutesy."

He kissed her cheek before he got up and went to the desk. "There's breakfast. It's not fancy, but even I can scramble a few eggs and make sausage."

She accepted the plate and began to eat. "Why are you being this nice?"

"I'm always nice. It's part of that whole sweet, lovable, teddy bear thing I've got going on." He flashed her his best smile. "Remember?"

"Yeah, or you're nervous about the talk."

His grin faded a bit and he took a seat at the desk. "Maybe a little."

"It's just us talking the way we always do. What's so different?"

"It's more personal."

"Why? Because it's about sex?"

"Uhh…yeah! Anything where you get naked is instantly more personal."

"To me all of the conversations we've had where we really got to know each other- even before we were together- that's the real deep down personal stuff."

"But that was just talking."

"No, it was connecting on an emotional level. We bared our souls. I don't know about you, but that doesn't happen for me with most people."

"Me either."

"That doesn't happen with everyone. Sex is… two random people on the street can hook up on any given night and sure, they'd be connecting physically, but it would meaningless in every other way."

"I guess."

"I already know it won't be meaningless for us because we've already connected on all those other levels; emotional, intellectual, spiritual-"

"Spiritual?" He furrowed his brow. "But we've never talked about religion outside of what it means in some paintings."

Angela went over to him and crouched down in front of the chair, her hands on his knees. "Give me a few minutes to brush my teeth and wake up a little more, okay?" He nodded. She stood and kissed him gently. "I'll be right back."

Eric paced the room. Was this some sort of test? Should he have studied? If so, what was the book?

"Hey, you were holding out on me."

He jumped, not having heard the door. "What?"

"There's donuts."

"You said you don't like to eat junk first thing in the morning, that it's a bad way to start the day."

"Yeah, but a little cheat every now and then is fine, especially when it's glazed."

"Are we really going to talk about donuts right now? Because unless you're about to connect with it on a spiritual level-" He was cut off when she shoved half of the pastry in his mouth. "Hey."

"Don't make fun."

Eric swiped her coffee and finished what was left of it. "I wasn't trying to."

"So are we going to keep dancing around this or are we ready to sit down and talk like two mature adults?"

"I'm following you here."

Angela got back into bed and sat up against the headboard. "First, I want to make clear the reason I've wanted to wait, it's not because I don't trust you. That couldn't be further from the truth."

"I know."

"I trust you more than I've trusted anyone in a really long time, maybe ever. This doesn't have anything to do with you. I mean it does, but not the negative stuff. I'm trying to keep the bad away from us by learning where I went wrong." She fiddled with the bracelet she was wearing. She forgot to take it off last night. "I've gone too far too fast with guys before and have only gotten my heart broken. That stuff makes you gun shy even after you're finally in a healthy relationship."

He went over to the bed and sat beside her. "You're not the only one with a past they're trying to learn from, you know? I've made mistakes and I've been hurt before, too. But I also trust you the way I hope you trust me and I want to keep that going."

"So do I."

"Then why does this suddenly feel weird if it's what we both want?"

She wrapped her arms around him and relaxed against his chest. "I think it's just one of those curves you were talking about last night on our roller coaster track."

/

"Are you okay," Angela asked, laughing as he leaned against the headboard with his hand over his eyes.

"Yeah, fine. You're definitely more thorough than any other girl I've dated. We made sure she had birth control and someone brought condoms. That was about it."

"STDs never came up? Or other diseases?"

"Briefly."

"But it's better to be a little uncomfortable now and know we're safe and protecting each other. I've seen firsthand what can happen otherwise. I grew up with this girl, her mom was in the army and every few years it seems we'd be living on the same base. When we were fourteen she started seeing this older guy. He creeped me out but really swept her off her feet. To make a long story short, she got stupid and trusted him to take care of everything and wound up with an STD and baby boy. Instead of her starting college this year, her kid started preschool."

"Okay, I get it. But it still sucks as a conversation ice breaker."

"No argument here. That was never going to be a fun topic to bring up. It needed to happen though. Will you look at me now?" She attempted to pry his hands away from his face.

"Give me a few minutes."

"Okay. If it will make you feel better I'll go first."

"Go first for what?"

"Talking about our pasts, you know? I don't think we need to get into names or give exact numbers. That seems like a dangerous road to go down, but we can talk. I think we should."

"You sure?"

"If there's a question that we really don't feel comfortable answering then we shouldn't, but otherwise, why not?"

"What kinds of questions?"

"I don't know. Just think of something and ask."

Eric removed his hands from his face and finally looked at Angela. They couldn't keep talking like this and not being looking at each other. "I knew I should've studied for this."

"Ask me anything you wouldn't mind me asking you. I'm not going to get upset."

"Fine." He wracked his brain, trying to think up a question. "How old were you your first time?"

"I was sixteen."

"What made him special enough to be your first?"

She sighed and drew her knees up to her chest. "My life was such a mess at the time. Dad was being transferred again and likely deployed to a dangerous area soon afterwards. I had two weeks to decide whether I was going to move to Las Vegas to live with my aunt or come to Philadelphia to stay with my grandmother. If I fought him or refused to make a choice he would decide for me, but it was happening.

"He'd been stationed in Fort Dix for a while so I- don't laugh," she admonished, interrupting her own story. "It's not that funny a name."

"Yeah, it is." He cleared his throat. "Sorry. Keep going."

"As I was saying, he had been stationed there long enough that I was able to make some friends. I had a boyfriend. Dad wasn't crazy about him, but let's be honest, at that age it was only a selling point. It added to the bad boy image."

"So you slept with him before you left for Philadelphia?"

"I know, clichéd and stupid, but the whole time leading up to the move Brandon seemed to be the only one who cared about what I wanted," she explained, not realizing she'd given his name. "Everyone else was making decisions for me. The whole time was just so overwhelming and chaotic. He was a distraction and I clung to him. When he told me he loved me I really believed it. So yeah, we slept together and made promises to call every night and visit every weekend."

"And you never saw him again?"

"No, actually we were able to keep up the visits for about a month."

"What happened?"

"His other girlfriend called me to say she was tired of losing out on weekends with her man. It turns out the second he found out I was leaving he was looking for other ways to keep occupied on base. He had a home girlfriend and an away girlfriend, like we were sports' team jerseys."

Angela still remembered that phone call, how convinced she was it had to have been a mistake or a practical joke. It was as if the wind had been knocked out of her. He had been her anchor when everything else was up in the air. How could he so easily cast her aside?

"Want me to go kick his ass?"

She laughed before leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "I appreciate the offer, but last I heard he enlisted in the army and he was very into martial arts when I knew him. He could probably take you."

"I find your lack of faith insulting. I sleep with my head on superheroes. That means their powers seep into me while I recharge. Plus my dad won silver gloves in his weight class in the Navy. Some of that could be in my genes."

"After all that drama," Angela started, growing serious again, "I decided why bother with relationships? My parents' marriage ended in shambles, my grandmother has never seemed to recover after my grandfather left when my mother was a baby, and I didn't need to get my heart broken repeatedly to learn my lesson."

"Sex with him…it meant something to you, didn't it?"

"I don't sleep with a guy unless I think it's going to mean something. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who could do casual hook ups. Life would be so much easier. But I can't. Casual dating, yes, that I can do, but anything more and I need to believe I can trust the guy. Unfortunately it seems my instincts sucked and each time I've had sex with a guy the end of our relationship wasn't far behind.

"I think that's what scares me so much. Sex changes things in a relationship, yeah, but for me it always changes things for the worst. And when you've only been with a couple people and the relationships end more or less the same way…well the specifics were a little different but the timelines add up…you can't help but wonder is it really them? Are they the jerks that only wanted one thing? Or is it me?"

"You're not-"

"Is there something about me that is wrong fundamentally that makes someone want to run screaming in the opposite direction the second they get close to me? Does caring about me, loving me, does it change a person for the worse?" She was surprised to feel the sting of tears in her eyes and did her best to keep them at bay.

Eric had a feeling she was no long talking strictly about romantic relationships. After all, nearly everyone in her life has walked away at some point. He slid over and wrapped his arms around her. Though she returned the hug it was lacking its usual vigor. "There's nothing wrong with you. Anyone who says there is gets the crap kicked out of them."

"I just don't want this to end with me asking myself the same questions about you…us…me…everything. That would kill me."

In that moment he vowed to be different. He never wanted to cause her to question her worth. "Angela, I'm not like that. If I was only in this for the sex I never would've stopped you that first time at your dad's apartment."

"So you've never broken up with a girl right after you slept with her?"

He looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

"Eric?"

"Once."

She pulled back. "Why?"

"I don't know that I have a good answer besides being young and stupid. I thought it was going to be a casual, fun thing but she didn't. She started asking for more from me than I could handle at the time. Instead of being mature and talking about it I bailed."

"Oh." She was quiet, weighing this revelation in her mind. "And it's only happened the one time?"

"Yes. I swear. I was a dumb kid, seventeen and in over my head."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

She nodded. "We're all allowed a screw up. I slept with my boyfriend knowing I was leaving town. Yes, I did it because everything else was so crazy I was focusing on him to keep me centered, but I can't lie. Part of me hoped if we had sex it would up the odds of us staying together. That's a bad reason to sleep with someone- to keep them."

"So you're not going to hold it against me?"

"I don't like it, but you were honest. You could've lied and gotten away with it so easily, but you didn't. I appreciate that. Thank you."

"I don't want to lie to you."

"Good. I don't want to lie to you either."

He nodded. "So is it your turn to ask me questions now?"

"You don't have any more for me?"

"I feel like we'd be getting into weird territory since your last boyfriend was Shawn. I was around when you guys got together and I know how you broke up. I was in the background your whole relationship. Not that I was paying you guys much attention, but I was there. Unless you think there's something I really need to know I don't want details. It's bad enough that I can pretty much assume he broke up with you right after you guys slept together."

"There were other factors involved, but yeah, not long after."

"Right."

"You want to take a break first? Get some coffee or a snack?"

His eyes widened. "You think I feel like eating right before you stick me under the microscope?"

"Not even a donut?"

"Well, maybe one."

She kissed him before vacating the bed. "Be right back."

/

A few minutes later they'd each had donuts and were feeling more relaxed. "Remember our deal. This isn't about knowing specifics. I don't need that information. Any questions that feel too personal or you're not comfortable answering- just say so," Angela reminded him.

"I know, but it's not like I have any secrets or even that many stories to tell."

She squeezed his hand and kissed his knuckles. "It's not a numbers game. Unless...does it bother you that I've been with a couple guys?"

"No. Will it bother you if I say that I've been with a few girls? Well, wait...I wonder if she counts. Would she just be half," he muttered, thinking to himself. "Maybe I should just take her off my list because I doubt she counts me."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Never start fooling around in the back seat after spending all day at the state fair."

"Why not?"

"Because eventually the chili dogs, cotton candy, deep fried everything, and the million and one other things you ate that day- combined with all the rides you went on- will come back to haunt you." Eric closed his eyes in an effort to keep the images of that night at bay. "Who knew the riskiest ride I'd be on that night would be in the backseat of my dad's Impala?"

"Oh, no."

"Yep. We were getting hot and heavy and Melissa was very happy with the giant teddy bear I won for her playing that strength tester game and wanted to show her appreciation. Things were going well, but because we were parked on kind of an incline the car started rockin'...plus it was hot outside and really warm in the car and well...there's no bigger mood killer than going from half naked and making out to half naked and throwing up."

Her hand flew to her mouth. She didn't know whether to be horrified or laugh at the absurdity of it. "You got sick?"

"We both did. I don't know if that makes it better or worse."

"I would think better. You know, the bond of shared embarrassment? You hope it becomes one of those moments you can laugh at later."

"This definitely wasn't one of those moments. Melissa freaked out and refused to ever speak to me again."

"But why? It wasn't anyone's fault."

"She said I got sick first and she was only sick because of me."

"Is that what happened?"

"I honestly don't remember. But she blamed me anyway. You try living that down after word got out."

"I'm sorry." She raised her head and kissed his cheek before settling back on his chest. "Can I ask one more question before I promise to never bring it up again?"

"Sure."

"How did you explain it to your parents when you got home? I can only imagine the condition the car was in if you both got so sick."

"I told them we must've gotten food poisoning from one of the vendors at the fair. I said I'd pay to have the car cleaned from my paycheck working at the grocery store, but they felt so bad for us mom said not to worry about it. Then she sent me to bed and made me tea."

"They bought your story?"

"I thought so at first, but a few days later dad asked me some questions that made me think he knew there was more going on. But he never came out and directly called me on it which was weird for him. I guess he figured the shame was punishment enough."

"I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I'm over it. Of course, I had almost forgotten all about it until tonight, so thanks for the reminder," he ended sarcastically.

"I promise I will never mention it again."

"Thank you. But you owe me an embarrassing sex story at some point- if one exists. If one doesn't...I promise I will do my best to not give you one to tell later when we finally-"

"Oh, I can take care of the embarrassing story right now. It's a make out story, but still. I was seeing this guy named Mike and he asked me to keep him company while he babysat his little brother. He said the kid would be sleeping by the time I got there."

Eric nodded. "Use the younger sibling- classic move. Hell, if we weren't together I'm sure I would've found a way to use baby Josh eventually...probably pretend he was mine or something pathetic like that."

"I was too young and stupid to see that Mike was using a move back then. Anyway, we're fooling around on the couch and I see something out of the corner of my eye. His seven year old brother was standing there just watching us. I say something and he tries to play it off as the kid sleepwalking and wants to keep going."

"Seriously? Creepy."

"I know! Needless to say the night was over for me and I left. Don't ask me why, but I was dumb enough to go back the next day because Mike said he wanted to take me to an early movie to make up for our night being ruined. Before we could get out of the house the kid asked- in front of their parents- why we were wrestling on the couch last night." She realized he was trying not to laugh. "It's okay. It's funny to me now."

"What did his parents say?"

"They put the blame all on me and I was banned from the house for attempting to seduce their innocent oldest son and for corrupting the precious younger one."

"Wow."

"I dodged a crap ton of crazy there."

"For the record, I am all for being seduced and corrupted by you."

"I thought you were the one corrupting me?" They laughed.

"I guess there's no harm in corrupting each other from time to time."

"It's more fun that way. If you don't mind a bad segue, how old were you the first time you were...corrupted?"

"I was sixteen like you were."

"What made the girl special enough to be your first," she asked, mirroring his earlier question.

"She was hot and had a pulse. Plus she thought I was hilarious, which was a major turn on."

"That's it?"

"I didn't need anything else. She invited me over to her house to watch movies while her parents were out for the night. We had the whole place to ourselves."

"Any regrets?"

"I'm not sure. I was a teenage guy hopped up on hormones and my girlfriend wanted to have sex with me. That was all I needed to know. Was I ready? Hell no, but at the time I thought I was.

"We broke up a few weeks after that. I don't remember who initiated it, but I know it was the most confused I've ever been after a break up. It took longer to get over her and I remember thinking about her a lot and not understanding why when no other break-up felt like that before."

Angela appreciated his candor. "When was the first time it meant really something for you?"

"Her name was Irene."

"Long term relationship?

"No, it was just a weekend thing."

"How could you get that serious about someone during a weekend?"

"Cory and I were on our way back home after a summer road trip and she was a waitress in Pottstown, home of the world's largest yogurt cup. They also had the parade of sprinkles and dancing spoons. I thought it was the most awesome place."

"Tell me what made Irene so special."

"I think it was more what she represented. Right before the road trip I found out I didn't get into any of the colleges I'd applied to. I was scared to death. I didn't have anything to look forward to. My friends were all gone and moved away for school and I was trapped by my own stupidity. My future was this big, empty nothingness. I was afraid to come back and face that. The closer we got to home the more I tried to drag out the trip. That's how we wound up detoured in Pottstown.

"Irene was sweet, pretty, and seemed just as stuck and scared as I was. Everyone there was nice. They were super impressed with me because I was from the big city. I had a few ideas to help them promote their diner and they treated me like a genius, like I was special. I could've been king. No one else treated me like that and it made it very easy to want to stay forever.

"They had predictable lives. They did the same thing day after day. I liked that...the safety, especially at that point when I had nothing going for me." He ran his hand along Angela's back. "If I had stayed I would've been happy for a while." His dad's words from that day echoed in his head. "But I would've been settling...settling because I was afraid to take a chance and fail again."

"What happened to her?"

"I drove back there a few weekends, but...I don't know what happened. She told me to not to come back anymore. I think she thought I rejected her and her way of life when I went home. Which is nuts because she talked about how she might like to get out of that little town and do something, even just a vacation."

"Did she?"

He shook his head. "I took a drive not long after that first night we ran into each other at the museum. Something about our talk inspired me to take a chance and see how Irene was doing. She was wearing a wedding ring and had a huge stomach- married a local and still working in that diner. She said she was happy, but I don't know if I believe her. The smile did not reach her eyes."

"Maybe she was just tired. I imagine being on her feet and waiting tables while heavily pregnant would do that."

"I hope so. We may have just been a fling but she deserved to be happy. I'd hate to think she's stuck somewhere she doesn't want to be...especially if she trapped herself when she's still so young. That's not a way to live your life."

"Ever wish you would've stayed in yogurt town?"

"Pottstown," he corrected. "I don't know. Before you, when school was driving me nuts, yes, sometimes I thought about how easy it would be but I would've been settling. It would've been fake happiness because I was afraid and hiding from real life." He leaned down for a kiss. "I'm much happier now- real happy, not fake happy."

She smiled. "Glad to hear it."

Eric waited for her to say something else, but she didn't. "So what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Now what happens? I told you I'm following your lead here. We covered diseases, various methods of protection, our pasts-"

"Nothing's happening today."

"I didn't mean for it to sound like I was pressuring you to pick a day. I'm not."

"I know you well enough to know you wouldn't pressure me."

"Out of curiosity, now that we've had this talk, how will we know when we're ready?"

"I'm not sure. I think it's one of those things where we'll just know when it feels right." He nodded. "But there is something else we need to cover."

"What's that?"

"Sex itself."

"What about it?"

"We both have to be prepared for the fact that it might not be…that the first few times…"

"Come on, spit it out."

"It might be awkward."

"Say what?"

"Or even not all that great."

"Oh, good, and I was worried we maxed out all the embarrassing moments talking about STDs. Why don't you just say it will be over real quick, too? Really put it over the top."

"Well…"

"Oh, my, god!" He threw the comforter over his body and curled up in the fetal position.

"Eric, get out of there."

"No! This is where I live now."

"Seriously?"

"Here's a tip, if a guy ever jokes about something like that, you never ever agree with him. Even if his life depends on that agreement, you let him die. At least he would go out with some dignity."

She sat beside the blanketed mass that was her boyfriend and rested her hand against his back. "The first time is a freebie."

"With such low expectations I certainly hope so." He stuck his head out from under the blanket. "I don't understand. It's good when we make out, right? I thought it was good. It's always hot."

"It's amazing. It's not easy for me to have to stop things in the middle either. I want it, too."

"Then wouldn't that translate to decent sex? Good even?"

"Sex is a little different than making out. It's new territory for us as a couple. We'll be getting to know each other in new ways. Plus I don't know about you, but it's been a while for me."

"Yeah, me, too."

"That's something else. We're a little out of practice. I'm not saying it will be awkward, just that it might be."

He exhaled and stared up at the ceiling. "But now when we're doing it I'm going to feel like you're judging me. And when we're done you'll just be…eh…"

"No, not at all. Would you rather be having this conversation now or do you wish I waited until after we already had sex?"

"If you waited until after we had sex to call it awkward I'd never be able to look at you again. I'd have to move away and change my name. I feel like doing that anyway."

She cuddled up alongside him. "How do you think I felt after I found out about you and ears?"

"This is revenge because I can't stand kissing ears or have anyone kiss mine?"

"No, I-"

"I can give it another shot. I told you, it's that one girl's fault. She had about thirty piercings in each ear but didn't take care of them and they were gross and infected but she still wanted me to-"

She clapped her hand over his mouth. "I don't need to hear that story again. The point is you didn't tell me. I thought I was doing something that turned you on. Instead it disgusted you. I felt stupid because I misread your cues."

"I thought you were into it so I tried to get over my issue."

"I can live without ears coming into play. I don't get the hype either. But the point is you dragged out a situation that could've been fixed in five seconds if you just told me what you didn't like."

Eric sat up and shrugged the blanket off. "Fine, I get it. New equals awkward, but can you not sound like you know it will be terrible?"

"That's not what I think at all. I just think want us to be prepared for it to not be perfect. TV and movies do lie, you know? You're not the only one afraid of not meeting expectations."

"Are you kidding?! You-you're…wow. Do you think I run off to take cold showers for show? I don't. Cold showers aren't fun."

"Sorry we had this conversation," Angela asked after neither one of them said anything for a while.

"Yea-no…No, I'm not. But next time we need to have a big, honest conversation do you think you could do it gradually instead of dumping it on my head all at once?"

"That was a lot to take in, wasn't it?" She took his hand and laced their fingers together, relieved when he held on just as tight as she did. "To be fair I didn't know it was all going to spill out like that. I talked, you reacted, and we were off."

"I know I get dramatic sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"But look at it from my point of view. You basically put all this pressure on me for our first time to not be a big, giant fail."

"That's not what I'm doing. Or it's not what I'm trying to do."

"It's what it feels like."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to feel that way. " She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I don't want to disappoint you either."

"Impossible. You're you. You're awesome."

"Thank you. The feeling is mutual. I think you're awesome and it's impossible for you to disappoint me."

"I'll try to remember that."

"And you know, I don't think we'll have a problem. Nothing between us has ever been bad."

"At least you're optimistic," he said sarcastically.

"Stop it. There is a bright side to this."

"What's that?"

"We can talk about uncomfortable and embarrassing stuff and know we can handle it. No one ran away."

"I hid under the blanket. That's not handling it."

"But you talked from under the blanket. That counts. We just have to make sure we keep talking. This is just the kind of stuff we were talking about last night."

"Yeah, but I didn't know the roller coaster was going to dip and make me want to throw up so soon."

"Was it really that bad?"

"No." He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "No, it wasn't. You're right. We need to be able to talk about this stuff no matter how embarrassing it is."

"It wasn't easy for me either, but I want us to be honest. I want this to be different from our past relationships."

"I do, too."

"Great. What do you want to do right now?"

Eric peered down at her from the corner of his eye. "The truth?"

"Of course."

"I really need to get out of this room for a while."

Angela burst out laughing at his response. "I think that's a good idea. You want to try the new restaurant that opened around the corner?"

"Sure. Jack and Rachel went there a few nights ago. They liked it. The stir-fry is supposed to be great."

"Cool."

"And could we not talk? Or at least not talk about anything important? My brain is tapped out on deep and meaningful conversation."

"You want to get a table in the window and make up fake life stories for random people walking down the street?"

He smiled at her. "I love that you know me so well."