Just a warning, I'm adjusting to a new prescription on my glasses (I'm legally blind with the glasses as it is) and while I think I've gotten a majority of typos, I can't be certain right now. But please let me know if I missed anything major or if something doesn't make sense.

Things will be picking up a bit in the next couple chapters. I know I have a tendency to drag things out. Can't help it sometimes. I'm a sucker for details, lol. (And if you're a reader of Good Things Come, haven't forgotten about it. That story gets the next update.)

As always, thanks for the feedback. :-)

"Topanga…hi. How are you?" Cory was almost afraid to say anything beyond basic pleasantries at this point. Most topics of substance seemed to scare her off lately.

"I'm okay. I miss you."

He sighed in relief. It was the first time she's expressed anything, one way or another, about him since she left. Everything so far has been about her sister or parents. "I miss you, too."

"When I called the house your mom said you weren't staying there. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it wasn't…I guess you really can't go home again. It felt weird. Mom and dad are too wrapped up with Morgan and the baby to pay attention to me. They want me and Eric to give up a few days to put together our old room for Morgan. It's supposed to be a big surprise for her for when she gets back from vacation with her friend."

"I know the room was supposed to be changed a while ago. It's sweet of you all to surprise her."

"I guess. But anyway I'm staying with Eric and Jack right now in Rachel's old room. It's not bad. It's nice actually. I'm hanging out with Eric again and getting to know Jack a bit better. I didn't realize how many things we had in common." He went into detail telling her about spending the weekend with Jack's family and attending a Yankee game in a VIP box with him and his stepdad, hoping to get a more engaging reaction.

"That's nice. How's Shawn?"

"I'm not sure. He's working a lot so I only hear from him slightly more often than I hear from you, so-" He mentally kicked himself for the verbal screw up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did."

"Fine, maybe a little, but I'm trying here. Talking to you is like having a conversation with a brick wall lately. I'm talking and talking and getting nothing in return."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm the one whose life has been turned inside out. You have no idea what I'm going through."

"Then tell me. Please. I want to know. I want to help you. We're getting married. That's what married people do, isn't it? They help each other get through stuff big and small." She said nothing. "You still want to marry me, right?"

"I'll talk to you later."

"But-"

"Good-bye, Cory." She hung up the phone and lay across the bed, longing for the days when life wasn't so complicated.

"Why didn't you tell him? I said you could."

She looked at Nebula. "He was accusing me of being distant. I can't talk to him when he's acting irrational."

"I'm not so sure he's irrational right now."

"Excuse me?"

"Cory's a good guy. You love him. Why are you punishing him for mom and dad's mistakes?"

"I'm not. I don't mean to." Topanga covered her face. "I grew up wanting a love story like mom and daddy's. I wanted a family like ours: two parents and two children. It was so good when we were kids, wasn't it?"

"It was, but if you think that shutting out the rest of the world is going to make this go away, you're wrong. That's not going to happen. This is reality now."

The all too familiar feeling of hopelessness gnawed at the pit of her stomach. "Can I see his picture again?"

"Of course. He's beautiful, isn't he? Not that I'm biased or anything. But he does look just like me…well, me with his Aunt Tippy's eyes," she teased. "I can't believe he'll be in preschool in September."

"Don't call me Tippy." Topanga poured over the photograph of her nephew, taking in every detail. "I don't know how you were able to be pregnant for nine months, give birth, and then give him up. All the letters and updates in the world wouldn't be able to substitute. I wouldn't be able to do that."

She moved over to her sister's bed and sat beside her. "It wasn't easy. I can't say there isn't a small part of me that wonders if I would've been able to raise him, but I know I did what was best for Phoenix." Nebula caught her slip and shook her head. It meant the world to her that the adoptive parents put the name she would've given him in the middle. "I mean Dylan. I didn't have the means to raise a child. I still don't. You know I think that's why I've spent so much time wandering…bouncing from one "calling" to the next. I've got a Phoenix sized hole in my heart I might spend the rest of my life trying to fill."

She sat up and wrapped her arm around her sister's shoulders. "It's going to be okay. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that alone."

"I wasn't. I told you, Aunt Prudence helped me arrange the adoption."

Topanga shook her head. She used to think her aunt was an uptight witch while her parents were the free thinkers. It was amazing how quickly perceptions could change. "Still, we can add this to my list of reasons to hate mom and daddy."

"Do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Don't allow their situation to mess with your head to the point you lose him. If you're not careful you could end up with a Cory sized hole in your heart."

"It's messy, Nebbie."

"Life is always going to be messy. You have someone who wants to be there and hold your hand through the cleanup. Let him."

"He won't understand."

"Give him a chance."

Topanga shook her head. "I want to. I really do. But what happens if we do everything right and ten or twenty years down the line we're sitting there and…I can't," she whispered.

"Tippy…"

"I can't become them."

/

Jack glanced up from his newspaper when Cory slammed the phone down. "How's Topanga?"

"I'll let you know when she talks to me for more than two minutes."

"Sorry, man. That sucks."

"The only thing stopping me from getting in a car and driving to her is knowing it would make her even more upset." He drummed his fingers on the countertop. "I should listen to that voice in my head, right? Because I really want to ignore it and go see her."

"You just said it would be a mistake, right? Why make her madder?"

"I guess," he said before muttering under his breath, "Shawn would tell me to go. He'd come with me, too."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

"Whatever."

Cory opened the fridge and looked at his shelf. The food was depressingly boring and healthy. Topanga had been on his case lately. If they were getting married they had to prepare for the future and that meant eating better and taking care of themselves so they could have that long future together. He found himself keeping the same habits even with her gone. She made him buy kale and radishes. He hated radishes! "Would it be alright if I-"

"Don't touch my pizza." Jack had made it a point to swing by his favorite after school hang out to bring back some favorites on his way back from New York. "Leave the gelato alone, too."

"Shawn would share."

"Well, Shawn's in Miami right now. He won't be back for a couple weeks."

"What?" He let go of the fridge door and let it close. "I thought he was coming home Wednesday."

"A photographer had to drop out of a few shoots- something about a probation officer not letting him travel- and Shawn's boss gave him a good recommendation. So he's going to Hawaii after his current job is done."

"This is ridiculous! He should've called me. What if I had planned a welcome home party?" He snatched the paper out of Jack's hands. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"Maybe he thought you'd take it bad. Now can I have the newspaper back? I want to check my stocks."

"In a minute. You know, there's something we never talked about."

"What's that?"

"Shawn."

"What about him?"

"He's not coming back to college next year…probably." Cory refused to give up hope until the very end of the last class on the first day.

"I know."

"What should we do about it?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm just going to keep reading the stocks and let Shawn run his own life." He sighed when the paper was once again torn from him. "I can't read it now that you ripped it."

"Shawn's your brother."

"I know."

"You're really not going to try and convince him to give college another shot?"

"When he asked my opinion I told him to think about it, but being a photographer is important to him. He likes the work and the money he's making. He feels in charge of his life. Working makes him happy right now. Besides, college isn't for everyone. He's had a really crappy year so why would I want to talk him out of doing something that makes him happy?"

"This isn't about happiness. This is about his future. We just have to push a little. He'll be annoyed at first, but he'll see the light."

"I don't know. He seems pretty convinced of what he wants."

"Please," Cory scoffed, "like you know what he really wants? Which one of us is the Shawn Hunter expert: the brother who dropped in two years ago or the best friend who's known him his whole life?"

Jack hadn't been this tempted to hit someone since sixth grade when some kid in their building made fun of his little sister until she cried. "You're really lucky you already paid rent and I can't kick you out."

"I'm so-"

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date tonight." He was halfway up the stairs before he turned around. "By the way, if you're really the "Shawn Hunter expert" you claim to be why am I the one he's filling in on his travel plans?"

"I don't know."

He shook his head. "Some expert you are."

/

/

Angela stared blankly at the television screen. Instead of laughing along with the Ghostbusters she was reliving her first date with Eric, remembering when they toured the various sights and locations from the movie. The date started a little rocky, but turned into a wonderful day. She glanced at her phone. He hadn't tried to call her since Friday night. That was two days ago, an eternity for them to go without speaking. She could hardly blame him though. She's made zero efforts to reach out. Well, maybe not zero. She dialed his number about a thousand times but chickened out before completing the call.

"You know this game where you pretend you're invisible to the rest of the world was cute when you were five. But you're almost nineteen now. The charm is gone."

She gasped. "You scared the hell out of me! Don't do that."

"I'm sorry, next time I'll stand here for three minutes instead of two trying to get your attention."

"You were there that whole time?"

He nodded. "Talking and everything."

"Sorry. I guess I was a little lost in my head."

"I've noticed."

She decided not to give him the chance to start his interrogation. "How was lunch with your friends?"

"Great. Brad and Tiana asked a bunch of questions about you and laughed because one of the pictures still in my wallet is you holding a one-hundred dollar bill from the Tooth Fairy," he said with a smile. "You were four and lost a top and bottom tooth at once thanks to an errant soccer ball."

"I still don't know how I managed to kick the ball into my own face."

"We were only going to give you ten dollars. We figured the trauma of getting hurt and losing two teeth at once warranted a little extra. But when your mother snuck into your room that night she didn't want to turn on the light and wake you up. She swore up and down she thought she took ten dollars out of her purse to put under your pillow, but-"

"I know," she snapped. "I've heard the story a million times."

Alvin held up the bag he was holding, a peace offering of sorts. "I got dinner. Brad told me about this place that opened not too long ago, serves great Moroccan food. You like Moroccan if I remember correctly?" She nodded. "Good. I decided not to make it too complicated and just ordered a few of the combination platters. This way we can try a little of everything and next time when we know what we really like we can…" He stopped talking when he saw her face. "…you've already been here?"

"Yeah, Eric and I have gone couple times and I went with Aunt Lois last week."

"Damn, I thought we were trying something new together." He put the bag on the coffee table and sat beside his daughter on the couch. "I remembered that was one of the fun things about all our moves. We couldn't wait to try out new places."

"It's okay, dad. The food's really amazing so either way you made a good choice. Come on, let's eat."

/

/

"Hey, you're home late," Cory greeted Eric when he entered the apartment. "You're in luck. I picked up burgers from Pegleg Pete's. It will never replace Chubby's, but I'm trying to adapt." His brother said nothing, just dropped his belongings around the room as he made his way to the kitchen. "Rough day?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Why? What did I do?"

"You gave me advice, that's what you did! You said tell Angela I love her, that there's never a bad time to hear the words."

"She still hasn't called, huh?" Silence. "Eric, come on. Look, I'm sorry, okay? If I knew she'd react this way I never would've suggested you tell her."

"It's not your fault," he relented. "I'm the one who opened my big mouth even though I knew it was probably too soon. She just looked so beautiful lying there. It was such a perfect moment." He rested his forehead against the countertop and groaned. "Ugh, I'm an idiot."

"No, you're not. You were brave."

"Yeah, right."

"Really. Not a lot of people would put themselves out there like that."

"Yeah, because it's stupid!"

"Eric-"

"I never told a girl I loved her before, at least not where I really meant it. This wasn't how I thought it would go when I finally said it. Am I supposed to feel like my heart got ripped out through my ear?"

Cory made a face. "Your ear?"

"I dunno, it makes as much sense as any other part of the body."

"I guess." He placed a burger in front of his brother. "Here, maybe food will make you feel better."

"Definitely couldn't hurt." They ate quietly for a few minutes before Eric remembered he wasn't the only one with relationship issues. "How's Topanga?"

"Same."

"That sucks."

"Yeah."

Suddenly, he pushed his food away. "You want to go to the arcade?"

"What?"

"I can't sit here all night and think about Angela. I need to do something. What do you say? My treat."

Cory thought it over for a few seconds. It had been so long since he and Eric hung out just the two of them. "I'm in."

/

/

After a while of the TV providing the only sound in the room, Alvin decided to take a chance. "Do you remember what you used to do when you were a little girl?" At her silence, he continued. "Actually it was your mother's idea, but-"

"Dad-"

"She gave you an empty jar and whenever I was away and you had something to tell me or a question to ask you'd write it down and stick it in the jar. This way we could go over everything when I got home."

"And if I was just missing you I'd put a scrap of red construction paper in there because red meant love."

"Right."

"What's your point?"

"The point is maybe we don't have a physical jar anymore, but I still want to know all the thoughts and questions swimming around in your head. Sure, it's not as life altering as when you were six and demanded to know why mommy wouldn't let you have chocolate chip cookies for breakfast but I made you chocolate chip pancakes regularly when I was home. Because, and I quote, 'pancakes are like giant cookies and mommy isn't being fair, daddy.'" They both smiled. "Or when you learned about outer space and you asked if the space shuttle was really a giant vacuum to clean up all the space dust and debris floating up there, but I still want to know what's going on."

"Hey, I still think that chocolate chip cookie one was a legit complaint."

"Angela…"

"What do you want me to say? My life isn't cookies and space shuttle vacuums. It's not easy to talk about things."

"You used to be able tell me anything." He'd always prided himself on his relationship with Angela. All of his male friends and colleagues would talk about how they didn't understand their daughters, couldn't figure out how to talk to them. But they weren't like that. Even with the lack of time to spend together due to his military career, he and Angela got each other. "I know you're older now, but you can still tell me anything."

"I have a hard enough time opening up to people I see every day."

Whether intended or not, she'd always been able to cut through the crap and land a devastatingly perfect verbal blow. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry. You're always sorry."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to leave me alone."

"No, you don't," he said softly, being able to see right through her bravado.

Angela bit her lip and focused on the television, watching as the giant marshmallow man wreaked havoc on New York. "It's complicated."

"Would it help if I said I saw Eric and he's just as wrecked as you?"

"You went to talk to him behind my back?! How could you?"

"No, he's the one who called."

"He called you about me?"

"No, I think he was trying to call you. I just happened to pick up the phone."

"What do you mean? When?"

"It was Friday. I don't remember if you were already home and in bed or if you were still out with his sister. But I think Eric meant to call your cell and called the landline instead. I could tell he'd had a little too much to drink and figured the smart thing to do would be to make sure he got home safely."

She'd turned off her phone Friday evening, not wanting to deal with calls from anyone. "Was he okay?"

"The boy sings when he drinks too much."

"I know."

"He also seems like one of those people who are very honest when they're drunk."

"I guess."

"Don't you want to know what he told me?"

"Right," she scoffed, "and if I say no you'll just let me go to bed like I really want to?"

"Angela, I only want to help you."

"No, you don't. You want to fix things." She gathered the dishes and garbage from dinner and went to the kitchen. "You want things nice and fixed so you can feel good when you report back to base and don't see me again for who knows how many months." She crushed the paper plates down into the can before going over to the sink and dropping the silverware in. "You want someone to take care of me so you don't have to feel guilty for not being around again."

Alvin, while knowing her comments held some validity, wasn't going to be baited into the distraction. "All I want is for you to be happy, baby. It's obvious right now that you're not. Why did you run away after he said he loved you?" She leaned against the counter, but said nothing. "Is it that you don't feel the same way? If that's the case then the only kind thing to do is to tell Eric now and not lead him on. Anything else would be cruel." The tears shining in her eyes made it obvious he'd hit a nerve. "You do love him, don't you?"

"I'm going to bed." She squeezed passed her father and exited the kitchen. "Good-night, daddy."

He was prepared to follow to her room, but she never made it beyond the couch. "Sweetheart," he began as he handed over some takeout napkins to dry her eyes, "you're right. I'm not around enough and I'm sorry for that. But you're my daughter. It kills me to see you suffering. Do I want to fix things for you, yes, but only because I want you to be happy. I think Eric makes you happy which is why I'm so confused."

"There's going to be a but."

"Excuse me?"

"All my life I love you has never just been I love you. There's always a but."

"I don't understand."

"'I love you, but I don't want to be tied down to one person right now. College is the time to meet new people and expand our horizons.' Or, 'I love you, but you need to live with daddy while I figure out who I am.'" Angela twisted the napkins around her hands, tearing them into pieces. "'I love you, but I have to postpone our visit. But don't worry, we'll just push Christmas back and celebrate whenever we see each other.'"

He felt about two inches tall and was unable to look his daughter in the eye. She'd always seemed so self-sufficient and able to take everything in stride, but that clearly wasn't the case. He dropped the ball somewhere along the way to have raised a daughter afraid of love.

"Eric says he loves me now," she continued, "but how long is it going to be until he's saying, 'I love you, but-'? Everyone else in my life who has ever claimed to love me has hurt me. I just…I don't want him to be next."

"Love is a powerful thing."

She nodded. "Yeah. It is power: power to hurt, power to lie, power to destroy."

"And refusing to fall in love means never forfeiting that power again?"

"It hasn't worked well for me so far."

"I'm sorry for any pain I've caused you and I'll always regret it, but you can't shut love out because you're afraid of getting hurt." He placed his hand over hers'. "If you shut out love you may as well shut out life in general."

She pulled away from him. "So? It's my life."

"Sweetheart, some of life's most amazing gifts come from an I love you. You're my proof of that. I could never regret my marriage to your mother, regardless of how it ended, because it gave me you. I'll always be thankful for that time in my life."

"Right," she snorted, "so thankful you haven't dated since the divorce even though it was almost ten years ago. Sounds like you don't want to risk getting hurt again either."

"I've dated."

Angela's eyebrows shot up. "You have?"

"Yes. I've even had a couple of what I suppose you could call semi-serious relationships."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"At first I simply didn't know how to be a single father who dated. Once I got over the fear of dating I didn't want you to get attached to someone only for it to not work out. I refused to let anyone into your life unless they were going to be a permanent fixture so I kept you as far away from my romantic relationships as possible."

"Are you seeing anyone now?"

"Not at the moment, no. I was dating a woman named Diane, but we broke up not long after you and Eric visited over Spring break."

"Why?"

"She accused me of keeping her at an arm's length, which I suppose I was. She wanted to meet you, finally, and I said I'd arrange it while you were in town, but I chickened out whenever I tried to talk to you about her."

"Why?"

"We barely spend enough time together as it is. I didn't want you to feel like you had to spend the time we did have sharing my attention. And I suppose I'd be lying if I didn't say there wasn't a small level of fear involved. Your mother leaving was a…jarring event for me as well."

"Dad, the same way you want me to be happy, I want that for you, too. You deserve it."

"Thank you."

"Just don't come around here with babies."

"Don't worry, my diapering days are over." She scrunched up her face. "What?"

"It weird thinking of you dating and in romantic relationships and warning about babies. You're my dad."

He laughed, grateful for some levity. "Payback for the scene I walked in on the other morning. Don't think for one second I believed Eric when he told me he woke up, saw your picture on his nightstand, and had to run over to tell you how he felt."

"Oh," she said, her tone serious once again.

"I wish I could promise that you'd never get hurt again for the rest of your life. If I could make it happen I would. But one thing I know for certain is that you can't protect yourself from sadness without pushing away all the good as well. And just because you don't say the words I love you, doesn't mean the feelings magically don't exist. Your heart is already all in whether you admit it or not."

"I'm scared."

"I know. But you can either be scared alone or be scared with the person you love, the person who has already put power in your hands: power to hurt him, power to lie to him, power to destroy him."

It hadn't occurred to Angela that the same power she was afraid to give to others was already given up to her. It was a two way street and judging by the look on Eric's face the other morning she'd unwittingly used her power to hurt him. "God, I've really screwed this up, haven't I?"

"Call him. Talk things out. I'm sure he'll understand."

"You think?"

He nodded. "I do."

She took a deep breath and felt some of the weight that had been crushing her chest lifting a little, though she knew she wouldn't feel better until she talked to Eric. "I'm sorry for taking this out on you, daddy. That wasn't fair."

"I'm fine." He wrapped his arm around her and rested his chin atop her head. "I just want you to be happy, but you're never going to be happy until you're honest with yourself about your feelings. Being young and in love in an amazing experience and I want you to be able to enjoy that."

"Would you be mad if I called Eric and asked him to come over?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Well, after the other morning…"

"Perhaps we'd both be happier if we adopted an ignorance is bliss approach to finer details each other's romantic lives."

Angela chuckled and hugged him tight. "Agreed."