I meet Shinsou around two, feeling lighter and less melancholy after a nap.

Shinsou notices.

I can tell in the way his gaze lingers on my face.

"Hey," he grunts, brows furrowing in concern. He reaches out with an arm and I take the silent offer thankfully, pressing into his side for a hug. "You good?"

I consider my answer probably longer than I should.

"Ah... maybe?" I manage, dragging on a half-smile with a little shrug. "Sensei and I talked."

There's a question there he doesn't ask.

I think it's what I like best about him.

"Do you want to spar?" I ask instead as he pulls away.

"Spar?" he repeats, blinking. "Really? Isn't it supposed to be our day off?"

I smile.

"Scared?" I tease. "Come on, we can do it in the courtyard! Iida and Midoriya always-"

I cut off at the reminder of the green-haired boy.

Who mysteriously gained a quirk.

"Iida and Midoriya always…" Shinsou leads, raising an eyebrow.

"Train there," I huff, blushing. "Sorry. Thinking. Can we? Please? I've missed you."

He flushes.

Still smiling, I tug my hands behind my back, trying not to reach out and grab him in another hug.

"Please?"

"Ask Sensei first," he says running a hand through the wild purple hairs. "If he says it's fine then… sure, I guess. I suppose it's been a while since I made you eat dirt."

I can't help but laugh.

"You're so full of yourself!" I scoff even as I pull out my phone. "Oh, have you been working on your ultimate move?"

"Of course," he huffs, coming over to watch me type out the text.

Can Shinsou and I spar?

"And?" I ask, waiting for the reply.

The phone vibrates and I glow a little in excitement.

No quirks. Don't hurt each other, and if either of you catches an attitude about winning or losing, you won't do it again.

Thank you! I reply instantly. Then, in a moment of impulsiveness, I turn on the camera and flip it around. Shinsou blinks when both our faces appear on the screen. Giggling at his bewildered expression, I take a quick shot.

"Seriously?" he grumbles, ears red as he shoves away.

"I think it's cute," I admit, ignoring him in order to message a copy. "Sensei will like it too. Maybe he'll even replace that one he's hidden in his closet..."

"Hidden in his closet?" he laughs, already starting towards the dorm. "What were you doing in his closet anyways?"

I flush.

"Investigating?"

"His clothes?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. "You know that's weird?"

I scowl.

"Really?"

Sticking out my tongue, I unlock the door.

Holding out the door, I can't help but notice the stares of several of my classmates, some more surreptitious, others openly gawking. Unsure why they're being so weird, I give a little wave. Shinsou, ears burning again, scowls.

"Hah! Told yah it was Purple!" Kaminari shouts, expression bright as he lounges on one of the nearby couches.

"Hey Shinsou-kun!" Momo greets politely.

The only one of my weird classmates with any manners apparently.

Shinsou shoots me a dirty look.

I shrug.

It's not like I had any control over them.

"What are you two up to?" the blonde asks, sitting up and looking oddly interested. Behind the couch, Ochako and Mina wander over as well, clearly curious.

"Oh, um… sparing?" I admit, pulling at Shinsou's sleeve as I nod towards a familiar set of doors.

Of course, they would act like this the one time I wanted to be out here.

Ugh.

"Ooh? Sparing huh?" the boy asks with a wink.

Shinsou doesn't smile back.

In fact, he freezes mid-stride, and I blink when he scowls, narrow-eyed at the blond.

"Shin-Hitoshi-kun?" I ask questioningly.

"You know, I don't particularly like what you're insinuating," my best friend says sharply.

I frown, suddenly uncertain.

"Insinuating?" I repeat, eyebrows furrowing. "He... He just asked if we were sparing?"

Shinsou doesn't even glance my way, eyes locked on the blonde with far more antagonism than I expected.

Kaminari, eyes wide, throws up his hands immediately.

"Oh, hey! My bad man!"

"It is your bad," Shinsou snaps. "Don't make perverted comments around her. She doesn't get them and it's not funny."

"P-Perverted?" I squeak, sending the blond a surprised glance.

Kaminari flushes, his entire face turning red, and Kyoka, who was clearly headed towards the kitchen, smacks him soundly.

"He's right, you know," the dark-haired girl growls. "That was uncalled for."

I open my mouth to ask what in the world they're talking about, but Shinsou snags my wrist and stomps away. Hurrying beside him, I offer a strangled smile to my ninja-classmate, Shoji I think, as we head out the door. One of his weird hand things smiles back.

Strange.

The moment we're out in the grassy courtyard, Shinsou lets out a strangled groan. Twisting deftly, he pins me with a glare.

"What have you been telling them?"

I squeak, completely at a loss.

"I… nothing? I mean, I don't think I have! But… um, about what, exactly though?"

"Us," he says, eye twitching.

"Us?" I repeat. "What do you mean us? Us what? I… Shinsou, I don't even know what you guys are talking about! What was perverted about any of that?"

Shinsou glowers, turns, and glares at the doors.

I rub my cheek and whine, wishing he'd at least try to explain.

"Um… Is... Is it because I said we're sparing?"

"He thought we were coming out here to make out," Shinsou snaps, shooting me a dirty look.

I feel my whole body burn.

"I… What? When!?"

"You…"

He makes another face, clearly exasperated, and I cover mine, utterly embarrassed. Why would I... I don't want to... Why would anyone think I'd want to do- do that? Especially with him! He was my best friend! I'd seen Kagura-nee-chan make out plenty of times, it was kind of hard not to when any time she was with a male she'd be shoved up against a wall their tongue all over each other, slobber and lipstick all over their faces.

I grimace and shiver, not even wanting to imagine it.

Arms crossing against his chest, I don't miss the flash of hurt followed by annoyance.

"Why are you looking like that? You look like I suggested we eat bugs."

"B-Because that's gross!" I squawk, hands flapping as I wrinkle my nose. "The- The tongues and- and- and I don't wanna drool all over you!"

"Drool," he repeats, his frustration melting away as he stares at me incredulously. "What- What the hell are you talking about?"

"I…" I flush and consider returning to my room, too embarrassed to even continue this conversation. "Can… Can we just spar? Please?"

Shinsou, apparently not all that eager to continue either, nods and stretches out his arms.

I fall into step beside him, and, after several moments, relax into the familiar routine.

By the time we finish, I can almost pretend that never happened.

"Ready?" I ask, taking up a stance a decent distance away.

"To trounce you? Tch. Anytime."

.

.

.

Sparring should have been fun.

Would have been fun if not for my obnoxious classmates.

Twenty minutes in and they seemed to forget how a window works. Staring at both of us, Shinsou had quickly changed his mind and decided to leave.

Toru probably just forgot she was wearing clothes, I think sourly, stirring the vegetables in a skillet and listening to them crackle. It wouldn't have even been so bad if I hadn't really been looking forward to it. Sparring with Shinsou was fun. Like... Like shaking off shackles where I could laugh loud and hit hard and know he could dodge it.

Sensei, picking up on the mood, raises an eyebrow as he sets the table with dishes.

I slump in my seat, eyes half-lidded.

So much for my good mood.

The way he smiles back does not help.

I'm thankful, though, that it's not his stupid grin.

"You want to talk about it?" he asks when I finally turn off the stove, and we both sit down.

"What's there to talk about?" I huff, reminded bitterly that I still needed to ask him about the mystery of why Midoriya was in the quirkless database. "My classmates are stupid. And weird. And are you ever going to talk to Toru about her nakedness?"

"Rin, that's none of your business."

"So I suppose Midoriya isn't either?" I ask him sharply.

"Probably not," he offers, taking a bite. "Is he running around naked as well?"

I can't even glare, unable to stop my own amusement at the idea of Midoriya mistakenly thinking himself invisible.

"No," I snort. "But it still doesn't make any sense. Why was he in the NQD?"

Sensei pauses, food halfway to his mouth.

"What?" he asks flatly, expression twisting into bewilderment.

"The NQD," I repeat, not really understanding his surprise. Did he not know? "The National Quirkless Database? I mean, did… do you think they have a shot like the one that the doctor made? Except, I dunno… opposite? I mean, the other option is he inherited it late, but that's really late. Do you think someone gave it to him? I mean, people can't really give quirks, right? I… I dunno, I don't really get it. Or maybe-"

"Rin," Sensei interrupts, his lips slipping down in a low frown and eyes narrowing. He places his utensils back on the plate and releases a strangely irritated noise. "What are talking about?"

I purse my lips.

Wasn't he listening?

"Midoriya," I repeat, exasperated. "He… He was quirkless until like... 14, and now he isn't. I… I thought you knew."

"How do you?" he asks oddly, eyebrows furrowing.

"The… The quirkless database," I answer honestly, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone. It's still in my history, and Sensei frowns as he takes it, obviously noticing the multiple searches. I try to ignore the low current of discomfort that brings. "He… I found him on accident."

His frown deepens as he stares.

"You were trying to find Ryu by elimination," Sensei deduces, finger scrolling across the screen. He looks up, annoyed.

I sink into the couch.

"I… Yeah."

"This was part of the research that got you so upset earlier?" he asks flatly before glancing down at the phone. I cringe.

"I… Yes, uh sir."

When Sensei doesn't say anything more, I hesitantly sink into my chair.

"Am… Am I in trouble?"

"No," he answers, clicking off the phone and slipping it into his pocket. I almost whine, but at his scowl, I hold it in. "You've looked up news stories on Kaito every day, multiple times a day."

I sink lower and grimace.

"Y-Yeah."

"Did it help?" Sensei asks, hand coming up to rub at his eyes.

I swallow and pull at my fingers.

"No…"

"Then I'm going to block his name in your search engine," Sensei says, sighing as he drags the hand down his neck. "This isn't healthy, obsessing over someone so much. Especially not someone who hurt you."

"I... fine."

"As for the information about Midoriya, thank you for telling me." Sensei says, and I glance up in surprise at the sudden change. That's it? "I don't know how he got his quirk or how he was quirkless for fourteen years without anyone here knowing, but it doesn't change the fact that he's kept this a secret for a reason. Do not draw attention to it, which includes asking random, pointed questions. There aren't any current ways that I'm aware of that allow a person to go from being quirkless to not."

I stare, disappointed down at my hands.

"Oh."

Sensei's gaze softens.

"Don't look so depressed, I'll return your phone after I block half these sites to keep you out of trouble," he says with a wry smile. Picking up his utensil, he starts back in on the food, chewing thoughtfully as he considers me. "Did you tell anyone else about Midoriya?"

I hesitate. He catches on immediately.

"Rin..."

"Just Bakugou," I admit quickly, grabbing my own utensils to shovel several bites in my mouth. Sensei blinks, and I flush at the look he directs me. "He… Midoriya said they were friends in school. So I asked if he knew him quirkless..."

Sensei's eyes narrow, as if remembering something.

"And?" he asks.

"He pretended he didn't, but I'm pretty sure he was lying. He was super grumpy about it."

Sensei snorts.

"Of course. How do you find all of this trouble?" he grumbles half-heartedly. "First the villain at the beach, Kurogiri, and now this. Is this going to happen every time I let you out of my sight?"

Mouth full of delicious, seasoned vegetables, I make an ugly face before swallowing.

"I don't find trouble!"

He chuckles, the sound low and warm, and I can't help but bask in the sound of it.

"How was your time with Hitoshi?"

"Fun," I huff, clearing the rest of my plate before drowning my glass of water. "It would have been better though if everyone didn't keep staring. It made Shinsou uncomfortable. It was really aggravating. They don't do all that when Iida and Midoriya practice."

"Iida and Midoriya don't avoid interaction," Sensei chides. "If you don't want them to stare, you'll need to actually talk to them instead of hiding in a corner."

I turn my head and shoot him a weird look.

How did he know that?

"Are you watching us?" I question him, squinting suspiciously. "You… You don't have cameras in the lobby, do you?"

Somehow, the thought of that wouldn't surprise me.

"No," he snorts, rolling his eyes. "And I don't need cameras for that. You're predictable enough as is."

I pout.

Then, collecting our dish, I head to the sink. It takes only a second to rinse them, washing away the last bits of food. Instead of heading to my room, or sprawling on the floor with Miska, I return to Sensei. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I ignore his little sound of protest, and the familiar scratch of his beard.

He sighs lazily in my arms, shoulders slumping automatically forward.

"What is it now?"

I giggle at his tone, amused by the little smile peaking at the corner of his lips.

"Will you say it again?"

He actually does smile then, that tiny one that feels like a secret.

"I love you."

For some reason, this time, it feels like more.

"Promise?" I ask, refusing to let go. Only inches away, the dark black of his eyes looks like the blackness of night, like my shadows—seemingly infinite. Safe. "No… no matter what? Even… Even if I'm bad or- or I cry?"

"No matter what," he promises, his thumb coming up to caress my cheek.

"Thank you, Sensei," I whisper back, letting go.

His hand falls back to his side, but the tiny smile stays.

.

.

.

Monday's therapy session doesn't seem quite as scary as our last one, but I still don't like it. The idea of missing training, even if that training is Aunt Nemuri pushing me off cliffs, makes my stomach curl.

I don't want to get behind!

Then I will help you catch up.

I trudge reluctantly to the woman's office, greeted by the same simple door, the placard above it still surprisingly blank. I knock, hear the rich, warm accent call for me to enter, and step inside.

Tulutho looks up from her desk, a small stack of documents before her, and smiles. She looks the same as last time, her mahogany skin shiny, the glimmer in her eyes kind. This time she wears a black polka dotted headscarf. It matches impeccably with her black shirt and shiny, gold and black necklace.

"Good morning Rin-chan," the woman says in her warm, husky tones. "You're a little early, but it's no issue. Go, sit down and you can draw while I finish. We'll begin in five minutes."

I stare for a moment, watching her pour over the document, before shrugging and taking a spot on the same gray couch from last time. On the table in front of it, I notice the thick stack of paper and the pile of crayons, colored pencils, and markers. I grab for the markers, not really sure what to draw as I wait.

"Tulutho-san?" I ask, looking back. "What… what do I draw?"

"Whatever makes you happy," she says kindly. She only smiles for a moment before returning to work, and I scratch my chin.

What makes you happy…

It's an easy question. Shinsou, Yamada-sensei, Aizawa-sensei, Miska, Aunt Nemuri, sometimes my classmates, Vlad-sensei...

I draw a rather blob-like version of Miska, body curled with paws in the air and a tail winding across the cushion. It was the way I found her this morning, tongue hanging out as she pawed excitedly for me to rub her belly. It's an awful rendition. Flushing, I quickly turn it over, noticing the color bleed through, and grab another page. Instead, I switch the markers for colored pencils, and begin sketching out four circles with eyes and mouths. I've barely managed their hair (black, purple, black, and yellow respectively) when a timer goes off.

I put down the pencils, preparing to put them up, but Tulutho stops me with a soft noise, standing and crossing the room in only a few quick strides. She's tall, ridiculously tall, and when I look up from my seat on the couch, I almost have to crane my neck back to see her.

"You can draw as we talk," she suggests, lips stretching as she takes in my picture while sitting in the blue chair across from me. "How was your weekend?"

I consider her strangely, the kindness in her face and the strange grandiosity of her simple clothes and shiny, gold accents.

She looks like a queen.

"Good?"

She laughs, low in her throat, and crosses her legs.

"Let me rephrase. What emotions do you feel most when you think about your weekend?"

I let out a little ah. That's an easy one too.

"Happy," I tell her, not even hesitating.

"And why is that? What memories stand out the most to make you feel so?"

I relax a little more, liking the easy way she asks her questions, and return to the drawing.

Maybe this isn't so bad…

"Because Shinsou-kun came over to see me, and Sensei told me he loved me," I admit, telling her the last bit a little shyly. My skin takes on a soft, dusty glow and when I glance up, Tulutho's expression softens warmly.

"Oh?" she asks. "Do you enjoy the verbal affirmation?"

I nod.

"I… I like hugs too," I confess, feeling a little silly. "And kisses."

"Does your guardian give you those often?" she asks curiously, simply smiling as if I'd told her my favorite flavor tea.

I nod and blush, feeling my skin lighten further.

"He… He didn't at first, but I get a lot more of them now. He's a lot nicer now than he was at first too, but it wasn't because he was mean. He used to tuck me in on the couch, and he always gave me hugs when I asked. It's just easier now, I dunno why. He's amazing. Sensei is the best guardian I've ever had!"

"Mmhm, that makes sense," Tulutho says. I switch colors and start on drawing the clothes, beginning with an almost invisible block of white before switching over to black. "Many people become easier to talk to as we learn more about them. What other emotions did you feel this weekend that really struck out?"

"Anger," I answer immediately, changing over to a gray pencil. Anticipating her question, I go ahead and answer. "I was mad at my family, at my brother Ryu, because he never came to get me. And... And Kaito, for changing. Sensei told me none of them would have gotten me anyways, because it's part of the law."

"That does sound hurtful," the woman says.

I pause in my drawing and look up.

"Hurtful?" I ask, eyebrows furrowing.

"Indeed," she offers, inclining her head. "I intended to discuss it later, but now seems as good a time as any. It does not surprise me that your quirk manifested first in fear and anger, do you know why?"

I frown, shaking my head.

I hadn't ever thought about it.

What about the positive ones?

The dark-skinned woman lets out a warm chuckle, the sound drawing me back in.

"Ah, then I shall teach you," she says smiling. "Anger is a strong emotion, one that feeds on your pain and helps you focus to survive. It is an old emotion, drawn from your very blood. Have you ever hurt, but been able to ignore it because you focused on your anger?"

When I nod, she goes on.

"Hn. It is because anger is natural, neither good nor bad. Much as the wind can cause destruction or give relief, or the rain refreshes and destroys, anger is but a symptom of something else. Of pain. Pain comes from many places. Physical or emotional. A scratch on your arm, stings, but yet disappointment squeezes in my chest, and shame tastes like bitterroot on my tongue and stone in my stomach. All of these can lead to anger. However, at its root, it is fear that leads to them."

I stop coloring to stare, wide-eyed at her, trying to digest all the information.

"Fear?" I repeat, dazed.

"Yes," Tulutho says, hands folded in her lap. "When I am jealous of my sister's good looks, it is because I am afraid of my own. When I am ashamed, it is because I believe I lack worth and I am afraid of some quiet truth. When I am anxious, it is a reoccurring fear that settles in my mind."

She pauses and hums, expression turning to concern.

"I can see the thoughts on your face, Rin-chan" she says quietly. "Would you like a toy to hug?"

I nod, quiet, and she smiles as she stands, moving to the other side of the room. She collects tissues, a blanket, and a rather adorable, giant stuffed pig. I take the blanket and pig gratefully, drawing them both to my chest.

"Better?"

I nod.

"Good," she says, returning to her seat. She folds her hands and nods. "You spoke that you were angry at Ryu? Will you tell me why?"

I nod, rubbing my thumb across the smooth belly of the plushie.

"He… He got Kaito and… and he didn't get me."

Tulutho makes a soft clicking noise.

"What underlying feeling do you think the anger hid?" she asks patiently.

I consider it, staring down at the picture in front of me. It's only half-finished, but just looking at it fills a small warm spot in my chest.

What did you feel?

Anxiety? Shame? Jealousy? Fear?

"Hurt?" I offer, uncertain.

"And the fear?" Tulutho asks, expression encouraging. "What fear did their actions confirm?"

I squeeze the pig, eyes watering.

Should have been me.

Why the hell do you get to have powers when you won't even use them!

"They… They didn't care," I whisper, feeling the liquid leak over my eyes. Tulutho leans forward, reaching out for the box of tissues and hands me one kindly. I take it, gratefully, and wipe at my face hotly. "They- They didn't love me."

"Ahhh," Tulutho says, her voice calm and steady, "That is a fear, but I don't think it is wholly the one you are searching for. Why do they not love you? Why do you think they don't care?"

You're the monster, Rin-chan.

I'm going to destroy you, just like you did me.

Fuck heroes. Fuck your stupid quirk.

My stomach twists and knots itself, shadows humming beneath the surface and scratching at my insides. I take a shuddering breath, feeling the pain.

"I…"

I'm going to kill you!

Why do you hate me?

Tulutho says nothing, patient and calm. I clutch the fat pig tighter, burying my face in its snout.

"I-I don't know," I sob uselessly into its pink nose. "I- I hurt people and I- I robbed stores and I… I was the only one. And if- m-maybe if- if I didn't have this stupid quirk may-maybe they- maybe they would have cared!"

Tulutho makes a kind, humming noise as I fall apart on her couch, listening silently as I curl miserably around the pig and soak its plush nose with my tears. It feels like forever, the sound of her low hums filling my chest.

After my breathing evens back out, she reaches over and squeezes my hand.

It's warm and smoother than any hand I can remember holding.

"M-Ma'am?" I whisper, feeling small and stupid after the sudden explosion of tears.

"You are safe," the woman says gently, squeezing again. "You can cry and shout and feel here without judgment."

I flush, but don't let go, burying my face back in the pig as I work to control my breathing.

Tulutho releases a soft chuckle, thumb sliding across my knuckles.

"Your guardian has taught you well," she praises me simply. I glance up again, only to find her warm, dark eyes staring back unabashed. After a long moment, I finally do let go, and she sits back and smiles fully, waiting patiently as I wipe my face. "Rin-chan, this is one of your emotional wounds. Do you understand that?"

I nod, feeling particularly raw from only a few words.

"I believe it is only one of many," the woman continues, seeming to understand. "Do you know what we do in therapy?"

I take a deep breath, Tulutho's warm scent filling my nostrils, and swallow. The emotion, still stuck in my throat, doesn't quite go away.

"We… We talk about it?"

"In a sense," Tulutho says, smiling with some small amusement. "We will talk about things, many things over our sessions. Your dreams, which I am excited to know, your successes, your failures, you. But for at least a while, we will also work together to uncover these wounds. Some of them, you will find, have already begun healing. But others, those that are particularly sensitive, may need much more work."

The idea of doing this again makes me shudder.

Tulutho notices and offers a kind smile without condolences.

"W-Why?" I ask.

"Why what?"

"Why do we have… why do we have to uncover them?"

"Because that is how we heal," she answers, eyes seeming to peer into my very being. "A dirty cut becomes infected, and your inner wounds are the same. Knowing those parts of you that are sensitive, knowing what causes you pain, helps others not to hurt you on accident. But more than that, healing allows more room for joy. It makes more room for dreams and life and love. What type of hero do you want to be?"

The kind that protects, that helps, that never lets people get hurt.

"I… I want to be strong," I tell her quietly. "I… I want to protect Sensei and my classmates and… and not make them scared."

"Consider your quirk," the woman says, a hand rising to her chin. "Which aspect of your quirk will help you do that best?"

I don't even have to consider it.

Black tentacles wrapped around the cashier's neck.

Dark flames licking at Iida's heels.

"My glow," I answer, and I stare down at the pink pig in my hands, a strange sensation filling my chest. It's like when I solve a particularly difficult math problem, but different—wider.

"Rin-chan," she says, catching my attention again. "We are nearly out of time, let us discuss your dreams, and then I will assign your homework."

"Homework?" I repeat, still feeling dazed. "Again?"

"Every time," she chuckles, smiling. "My job is to give you the tools to heal, it is up to you to use them. Now, tell me about your dreams…"

.

.

.

After therapy, I return to training thoughtful and oddly melancholy. Worn in a way that reminds me of my training with Sensei this summer, but somehow less. I cross the room to Sensei first.

"Rin," he greets, raising an eyebrow.

I don't wait for permission, sliding close to hug him tightly. I press my head to his chest and lean in, breathing the familiar, comforting scent of detergent and home.

"Rin?" he asks, voice coloring with concern. He shifts his clipboard and pats my back, obviously confused. "Are you okay?"

I nod and let go, feeling my classmates' eyes already drifting over.

"Thank you," I tell him softly, feeling the tears well again. "For everything."

Stupid emotions.

He blinks.

"You're... welcome?" he says, more question than response, eyebrow rising. "Are you crying?"

I flush and duck my head, swiping quickly at my eyes.

"N-No, I… I just wanted you to know. I-I'll go train now."

Sensei catches my shoulder before I can back away. He makes a face, expression bewildered.

"Do you need to sit out?"

"No," I sniffle.

He stares in clear disbelief.

"You're crying."

"I-I'm fine," I try again, scrubbing at my face. "It's… It's supposed to be a-a side effect of the therapy. Tulutho-san says it's normal at first. I- I have to write down my emotions each day, she wants me to rate them in a journal."

I wave the small spiral notebook in my hand.

He nods, still frowning, and I drop the book back to my side.

"I- I just wanna train, I'll be careful. Please Sensei?"

He wilts at my pleading look, dark eyes sweeping my face.

"Fine," he says slowly, hand falling away. "No shadows."

What type of hero do you want to be?

The kind that protects, that helps, that never lets people get hurt.

Which aspect of your quirk will help you do that best?

"Yes sir," I reply. His frown deepens, but I ignore it, already headed towards my godmother.