Sensei eventually leads us to the others, with Toshinori-san disappearing halfway there. One of the halls requires a special pin and he tells me sternly not to wander off. I agree, but there isn't much time to ask why. As soon as we enter Tsuyu and Ochako are there, and I'm swarmed and excited and Kirishima and Midoriya show up soon after, and more than anything I'm thankful none of them look too bad.

"Recovery Girl patched us up!" Kirishima announces once I mention it. "Dude, she's so cool!"

"Why did you need patching? Were you manly?" I ask, leaning forward to grin at him.

"Hell yeah!" the redhead laughs, pumping his fist in the air, and all of the others hide their giggles. "I fought with Fat Gum, and we were awesome! We took out this crazy strong duo together!"

I listen as he jumps into the story, something about a shield and a spear and his own unbreakable will.

It sounds a little crazy.

But these are my classmates, so that's not really anything new.

"You should have seen Deku!" Ochako says as soon as he finishes.

"Oh, I did," I tell her, glancing his way. He pinks immediately, head ducking to expose his headful of curls. "You guys were on the news. They kept playing him fighting against the meat-thing on repeat."

"M-M-Meat t-thing?" Midoriya stutters, pointing at himself.

I just shrug.

"It came out of the ground? Looked kinda like a steak with arms," I admit, folding my arms in some sort of imitation of that thing.

Ochako chokes.

Kirishima blinks.

"You mean Overhaul, ribbit!" Tsuyu laughs.

"I guess?" I say, not really caring either way. If anything, Midoriya just looks more embarrassed. It's kinda fun… "You looked really cool though! Super manly!"

If he had my quirk, he'd be a glowing stoplight.

As it is, he looks like he's doing a pretty close impersonation.

We don't get to chat long though. The police come by, and they want a second round of reports and Sensei needs to return to a different floor, so I just follow him, not wanting to be left behind. He stops in a hall with a chair and a familiar yellow sleeping bag and…

And I frown at the setup, something about it finally hitting me.

He's… He's not coming home.

I guess, even though he had said it… I hadn't… it hadn't really…

"Are you sleeping in the hall?" I ask sourly, squinting at him.

"When I feel like it," he shrugs, and he pulls a water bottle out of the sleeping bag and offers it to me.

I scowl.

"You could come home," I tell him darkly, not meeting his eye.

He makes a noise and when I glance back, he looks tired.

"Rin… I've already told you I can't. There's literally no one else. I should be back in a few more days."

Because of someone's stupid quirk.

I purse my lips, fingers curling as I stare.

"I hate this," I tell him angrily. "Why?"

He nods behind me towards a window.

I look over with a scowl.

It's a window to what looks like a hospital room. With the same glazed tile floors, the same pale white walls, and a single hospital bed inside. The little girl in it looks all the smaller surrounded by so much space. With blankets pulled to her chest, and pale, silver hair spilling out across her pillow. Her cheeks are flushed, and there's a strange, jutting horn on the edge of her forehead.

She doesn't open her eyes and I frown before realization slowly dawns.

Extended mission.

The girl made into the bullets.

The one whose cells had slid through my veins, twice.

"Is she… sick?" I ask, stepping closer to the window to study her further, a sort of gory curiosity taking hold. She looks feverish with her pink-tinted skin and sweat-glistening skin. She definitely doesn't look capable of tearing away a person's quirk.

She looks helpless.

Small.

It makes me uncomfortable.

"Not exactly," Sensei says, and I frown at him, brows furrowing. He meets my eye, stepping forward to stand beside me. "Her quirk is out of control. The discharge from it keeps making her feverish. She appears to be unable to stop it."

I swallow, looking back.

Unable to control her quirk.

That… That sounded uncomfortably familiar.

I shiver.

"Oh," I manage, eyes tracing her outline. I don't really know what to say. "Will… Will she be okay?"

"Eventually," Sensei says, voice low and strangely detached. I don't dare look back. "The man that kept her captive tormented and experimented on her. She was actively abused for years."

Abused…

I still don't like that word—don't like the sick feeling it leaves. I step back, into Sensei, invading his space and demanding his side. The man stiffens as I do, but he relaxes a moment later, and I curl my fingers into his uniform and squeeze.

"Sensei… I don't… I don't want you to stay."

He breathes slowly.

As he does, he unwinds, fingers dragging over my head and through my hair.

"I'll be back soon," he says, not promising more. "It'll only be a couple of days. You can still call, and Hizashi and Nemuri have both agreed to spend the nights."

I exhale loudly.

"But they're not the same," I try again, hating that he's not getting it, that I can't explain better. "They're not—They aren't you."

The last bit of tension in his shoulders loosens. He sags.

"And what do you want me to do Rin?" he asks, one hand brushing back his hair, his expression conflicted. "That I'll just give up my responsibilities and leave? I would love to. I'd much rather be at home with you and Miska than camped out in a hospital hallway, but sometimes we can't have what we want."

I furrow my brows and he doesn't wait for a comment, instead looking back at the little girl.

It makes my stomach twist and something sharp and angry rise up in my chest.

I want to snarl, want to scowl, want to drag his eyes back to mine.

Look at me!

"Her quirk is even more destructive than yours. If I step away and it gets out of hand again, because it already has twice, or if she erases the equipment that's keeping down her fever, she'll overheat and die. She's only six, Rin."

I don't want to understand.

I don't want to care.

My eyes fill with tears and I glare, hating that this.

"Fine."

He sighs and pulls me in for a hug.

Part of me wants to refuse.

The rest of me melts against him, too angry to hug back but unwilling to waste the hug.

It's not fair.

"I don't wanna be logical."

"Do you ever?" he chuckles, pushing me away by my forehead with a tired smile. "It's two days. By then the doctors should have something to fix this. I'll come as soon as I can."

I wrinkle my nose at him. Then, letting go, make a little space. I cross my arms, trying to think of a new topic and my thoughts immediately circle back to what they always do. Or rather, who.

Kaito…

I unfold my arms and look back.

"Sensei?"

"Hn?"

"I… I want to go see Ryu."

Whatever peacefulness we had reached shatters. The emotions in his expression drain away. He stares back with eyes half-lidded and bored.

"Rin…" he says, and I can already hear the no.

"But I need to talk to him!" I argue, lips thinning as I try desperately to explain this. "You- You told me to- to talk to you. So I'm… I'm trying Sensei. I need to talk to him! Him and Kaito were… They were both my brothers, but they were close—closer than us, they were—they were best friends! I know he knows what happened."

Sensei looks pained.

"Rin, we asked."

"Then why can't I?" I growl.

"Because he said no," Sensei says, and he doesn't look any happier. "I can call the facility your father is being held at and set up a meeting. I can contact the rehab your brother Sora is in, and we can schedule a meeting when he's allowed contact with others. Your mother doesn't have a grave, but I will help you make one if that's what you want. But Ryu made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you or anyone else in the Hoki line."

I grit my teeth.

"But why?"

He stares back, unmoved in the face of my anger.

"Sensei!"

"The answer is no," he says again, and my jaw clenches. "Change the subject."

.

.

.

I leave the hospital angry.

Frustrated with my guardian, annoyed at the little girl in the bed, and aggravated with Yamada-sensei as well. It's not a happy walk. He won't agree to take me either, arguing some stupid scenario about "if things were reversed" and the importance of boundaries.

It's not fair.

It's not fair and no one will listen and as Sunday fades and the temperature cools, my frustration doesn't.

My need for answers only grows.

Monday comes and goes the same way.

Sensei calls, his voice a balm to the unstoppable itch, but it isn't the same. He won't budge, won't even consider it, and that call as well ends with me hanging up mid-argument, unwilling to listen to the same stupid excuses over and over and over again. Even Tulutho notices, going over intrusive thoughts and reminding me of the different tools I have to address them. But they don't work. My thoughts aren't intrusive. They're something different.

They're a hunger.

Like I have this ravenous need for answers that nine-year-old me penned constantly and waited and waited and waited for.

Nii-san, when can I come home?

Mama, I don't like it here.

Sora-nii, I miss you.

Kaito-nii, why isn't anyone answering?

And I'm tired of waiting.

I'm tired of standing here, waiting and hoping for some stupid answer to maybe arrive. Tired of hoping that someone will maybe tell me something. Tired of hearing about it last. I don't like this, this same routine over and over. This same path, this same endless chatter.

Tuesday comes, and as I step out on the path to UA, staring listlessly forward when, Sensei's absence like a hollow void, I can't help but wonder why?

If you don't like something, why keep doing it?

Why bother unless you're doing it to your best?

If your so tired of waiting, then do something about it.

Isn't that the UA motto? Run ahead with everything you've got. Push beyond your limits! Take charge and just—just do it!

"Plus Ultra," I whisper, the words feeling new, different. I stop in the middle of the pathways, several of my classmates stepping around me with various exclamations. Toru nearly dance, her arms waving as she jumps in front of me.

"Rin-chan? Girl! What are you doing, hahaha? Why are you just stopping?"

Staring at the floating uniform, I can't… I can't help it.

The laugh that bubbles up is completely accidental.

Not twinged in fear or burdened or sarcastic, but real. Invigorating. Like dragging myself from a heavy mud and realizing I can.

I'm going to find Ryu.

Just the thought makes me giddy—lightweight. Like electricity caught under my skin. Like I could float off into space. Light sweeps across my skin without warning, a field of wildflowers breaking out across my arms.

Several of the others pause to look back. Mina and Sero blinking, Kaminari grinning. Bakugou, among them, frowns.

"If you wanted something… something more than anything else in this world, what would you do?" I ask randomly.

Bakugou doesn't even hesitate.

He never hesitates, just running headfirst and winning.

"I'd take it," the boy says, and there's a fire in his eyes. Instead, he turns, his back to UA's main building and our morning classes and shoves his hands in his baggy uniform pants, looking every bit intense and bright. A hero. "Fuck everyone else. Just let them try and stop me!"

Mina laughs and Toru makes a noise. Sero just kind of nods and shrugs, though he looks pumped as well.

"Yeah!" Kaminari shouts, one arm thrusting up. "You've gotta fight for your dreams!"

I squeeze my fists.

It's all the confirmation I need.

"Th-Thank you!"

I spin on my heels.

"Wha- Hey! Rin-chan! Where are you going?" shouts Mina. "It's almost time for class!"

"This is more important!" I shout back, racing instead the other way, away from them and back towards the dorms.

They let me go.

My heart thunders in my chest and I all but slam open our bedroom door, quickly clattering past the lock to our room and racing to find Ryu's picture. It's in my bedroom, atop my desk with the address listed directly below his new last name. I type it in my phone, plugging it into the GPS.

A 4-hour-long commute by train.

I don't care.

I won't.

I'm not waiting any longer!

Look what waiting had gotten me. A family broken in pieces, a brother suffering and crazy, and some secret hero hurting others.

I consider my outfit and quickly decide it's fine. Shoving my new phone into my jacket pocket, I collect the money I'd won from Sero and Kirishima in one of our video game competitions before racing out the door and down towards the school gate. It's closed and locked, and the only way out is over.

I climb it, skirt flaring in the wind, and jump down to the street below.

My knees buckle on impact, and my teeth clatter painfully.

But it tastes like freedom.

It feels like answers.

Without a further glance back, I'm off.

.

.

.

I make it maybe about twenty minutes out before my phone is ringing.

Guardian.

I nearly don't answer it. But then the thought of scaring Sensei and making him think I was kidnapped again after I actually was kidnapped seems cruel. Hesitantly, I answer the phone.

"Hi Sensei."

The silence on the other end is telling.

He's probably mad.

Good.

I don't stop, keeping my pace. If he wanted me to stop, maybe he should have come home.

"Where are you?"

"I don't really want to say," I huff, before realizing my location's on. Pulling the phone from my ear, I hurriedly turn it off, forgetting to put Sensei on speaker.

When I push the phone back to my ear, thankfully, he's still talking.

"-are expected to be in class. That isn't negotiable."

Ah…

Crap.

"I'm not going to class," I tell him with as much confidence as I can muster.

I can hear his annoyance through the phone.

He inhales deeply, and the sound rattles as it passes through his nose.

"And where are you going?"

"I don't really want to tell you," I say sourly. "You'll send someone to try and stop me."

"Rin," he growls.

I swallow at the threat in his voice.

He sounds pissed. Like when I was in the hospital at the beach, but maybe worse.

"I'm… I'm gonna find Ryu," I say, trying to sound stern. "I… I have questions. And- And I'm gonna get answers!"

The silence on the other end is telling.

For a moment I wonder if he'd hung up on me. But when I glance down the call is still going, and that's kind of even more terrifying. I speed up, wanting to put more distance between myself and the school.

"And if I expel you?" he asks sharply, voice dropping. "This isn't like the other times. You're purposefully violating the rules, it's well within my right to remove you from the hero program."

That…

That hurts.

It feels like a slap, like a punch to the gut, and I nearly stumble, before the familiar anger rises up again.

Anger that he's not here.

Anger that I was right, and someone did hurt Kaito.

Anger that he's making me choose.

This is why I don't learn names.

I contain the black flames already threatening to rise up across my skin.

"Then expel me," I snap angrily, hating the tears and stupid crack that breaks across my voice. "Being a hero is supposed to be about helping people. Kaito needs help, even Aunt Nemuri said it! There's something going on, and- and if nobody else is going to help him, I will!"

"Your logic is flawed," Sensei growls, and he sounds like he's only seconds from exploding. "Principal Nedzu, one of the smartest people in the world, is combing through those files even as we speak."

"Files you only have because I did something," I remind him, taking a vicious pleasure in his steadying breaths.

"Rin."

"I'm not going back," I interrupt, ignoring everything except the purpose in front of me. "I asked, you said no. So if you don't wanna help, I'll just do it on my-"

"Rin," Sensei cuts in, he sounds more aggravated by the second. "Stop. Just- Damn it, just stop and listen. You're not hearing me. I'm not trying to be mean. Your brother said no. He said no and that means no. This isn't me wanting to keep you from your brother, I've offered to put you in contact with Sora who is willing to see you as soon as he's able. I've offered to take you to see your father. I am willing to work with you, but your older brother refused. He didn't say maybe, he didn't even say he'd consider it. He said he wanted no contact with anyone. I asked, I argued, I even attempted to get him to just write. But regardless of your feelings, when someone tells you no, you respect it. Those are called boundaries. If someone says they don't want to see you, then you leave them alone."

"Then he can tell me himself!" I snarl, stopping to look both ways at the traffic light.

"Rin," Sensei snaps.

He sounds angrier than I've ever heard him.

I flinch at the sound of it.

The crosswalk turns white though, and I take a deep breath before rushing forward. On the other end of the phone, I can hear him do the same, and I can't help but swallow.

You're going to be in so much trouble.

I don't care.

You're making him angry!

I don't care.

It always finds the pathetic ones, the unloved wretches that no one will miss. No one will ever really love you like your parents. If he's adopted you, it's out of pity.

Plays the perfect little Dad, right? I had one of those too. Tucks you in, tells you to talk to him. That you can trust him. Feh. Wait until you fuck everything up, it ends.

I…

"Do you even know where you're going?"

"Yes," I scowl, trying to erase that old worry. "It's- It's near Wakayama."

"And how exactly do you intend to get there? Walk? You don't have any money."

"I… I do! I won the last fighting video game tournament and I've been saving it!"

He curses.

It's sort of muffled, his hand over the phone, but I hear it anyways.

I… I almost feel bad.

"There will be consequences for this," he says when he removes his hand.

Of course, there are.

There're always consequences.

But it's better than waiting.

I don't wanna be that little girl anymore.

"Fine."

"And this is worth it?" he growls. "You're ready to give up your spot in one of Japan's most prestigious hero programs? You're going to give up your place in the dorms and your shot at being a hero for a conversation that may not even happen. Ryu is well within his rights to shut the door and call the police on you for trespassing and harassment."

That bastard better not, I think stubbornly.

I don't dare say it though.

"Yes," I answer instead, jutting my chin and marching forward.

Sensei's breath sounds strangled.

"Fine," he snaps. "Turn your location back on. I can't come get you, and Nemuri and Hizashi are both teaching class, by the time they could leave to get to you, I doubt they'd have time to do anything but follow your damn train anyways. So you're going to text me every fifteen minutes. Set an alarm now. If I haven't heard from you within three minutes, I'm calling the police. What are you wearing?"

I squint suspiciously in the distance.

That was it?

He was just giving up?

Wait until you fuck everything up, it ends.

"My… My uniform," I respond slowly, horror building.

"Do you have a bag or purse with you?"

Was…

Why did he need to know all that?

Was he…

Was he going to call the gray suits?

"No," I say, the fury leaking out, only to be replaced with something cold.

"And do you have anything on you in case of an emergency?" he growls. "If your phone dies or you get in an accident? Do you even have a plan if he's not there?"

"Why are you asking me all of this?" I ask, confused and frustrated and not liking the feeling. He's just supposed to be angry, not… not whatever this is. "I'm-I'm going to see Ryu, so why aren't—you're- you're just supposed to be mad!"

"Is that why you're doing this?"

I flinch.

"N-No!"

Sensei sighs and I hate it. Hate the feel it evokes and the rough way it makes me want to cry and shout at the same time.

"I'm asking you all of these things because I want—no, I need you to have a plan in case something happens. With you, something always seems to happen. It isn't logical to just wait for it. You need to be prepared and part of that is knowing what you're capable of. Especially when you're four hours away."

I swallow.

"Then… Then you're not calling the… the gray suits?"

"The- What?" he asks, sounding frustrated. "Are you talking about the child protective services? Seriously? Rin, what the hell are you doing?"

"I- I told you! I'm going to talk to Ryu!"

"And you think I'm going to call CPS to take you away for that?" he asks. There's a pause and he lets out an annoyed breath, like he doesn't even know where to begin. I can imagine him, head bowed and massaging his temples. "Rin, I love you. I'm upset you're not listening; I'm frustrated you're trying to do this on your own; and I'm more annoyed than anything that you don't seem to either understand or care about the meaning of 'no.' But I don't—I'm not giving you up. I've told you this a hundred times. It's written in ink."

I…

I sniff.

He makes a noise

"Rin, I'm going to let you go. I need… I need to walk and calm down. Is an alarm set? Every 15 minutes. I'm serious, you will text me or I will call the police and they will bring you home. Do you understand?"

I nod.

Then remembering he can't see it, whisper a quick yes, quickly doing just that.

"Good. I expect the first text at 8:20. I'll talk to you later."

"I… Bye…"

I stop, staring at my now blank phone in the middle of the sidewalk, and wonder if I've made a mistake.

It's too late now.

I stuff it in my jacket pocket with a gulp.

Well… No more waiting now.

.

.

.

It takes four trains and almost 12,000 yen, but eventually, I make it to Wakayama's unmanned train station. It's all pale gray streets and tan buildings and tightly woven homes. Ryu's is yellow, with a black framed door and second-level balcony cluttered with drying laundry. It's on the very end of the street with a stone wall separating it from the main road and a little flower box built into the corner.

It's… quaint.

There's a car in the driveway, a black, boxy-looking thing with four doors beside a mailbox covered in soft ivy.

I don't know what I was expecting, but it's not this.

It's pretty.

Gathering my courage, I step up to the doorstep.

Pressing the doorbell, I can hear the clunk of what sounds like several feet. A laugh and something else.

I swallow.

Then… Then the door opens.

And there's a woman there.

Dark hair piled high on her head, a face that looks vaguely familiar with dark jeans and a loose white shirt and…

And there's a toddler in her arms.

A toddler with dark black hair and brown eyes the same exact color as mine.

I…

I can't breathe.

I can't compute.

I can't-

I can't-

"R-Rin-chan?" the woman asks. Her eyes are wide. "Is… Little Rin-chan? Is that really you?"

I know her.

I know that voice.

I know that face. I know I've-

She's so familiar…

A pig-tailed girl comes to mind. A determined expression and a shaking fist.

"Kiko-nee?" I whisper. I… I hadn't seen her since I was… since I was eight or nine. Since before Daddy went to jail and- and she was Kaito's friend. Her and Ryu were always arguing, and one time when they fought, he'd busted her lip—and Daddy had busted his lip. But she'd… she'd always bring over these bags with the sweetest fruits and sometimes she'd share with Kaito part of her lunch and... But… "But this… It said Ryu…"

She adjusts the toddler in her arms, looking guilty.

I don't understand.

I don't understand any of it.

"Why… Why don't you come in?"