Gently, Lan moved his fingers over Moiraine's, while his eyes were locked on the golden serpent ring. His Aes Sedai. He had sworn to protect her. He would give his life for her without thinking twice.

`First, you lose Moiraine and then you tell me how easy it is to jump from one woman to the next.´

Stepin's words were still ringing in his ears. Losing Moiraine… in the last two months, he had been so close to losing her multiple times. The Trolloc attack in the Two Rivers. The blade of the Trolloc. Mashadar. The Trolloc poison. Logain. Stepin's axe.

Anger rolled through his veins when all those incidents replayed in his head. He was getting weaker. He needed to train more. Moiraine needed a Warder, who was able to protect her from the servants of the Dark One. Someone, who would make sure that she wouldn't get hurt. She…

Moiraine pulled her hand free, while she flooded their bond with her love for him. Lan closed his eyes when he felt how deeply she trusted him. This incredible woman tried to erase his doubts and worries by showing him her feelings. Feelings, which he didn't deserve. He had failed her. He was weak…

The gentle touch of her hand on his cheek broke his chain of thoughts then he noticed the pressure of her forehead against his. Strength flowed through the bond. Her strength. She tried to be strong for both of them. `I should be the one comforting her. She has lost a sister.´

His Aes Sedai was a strong woman. He was proud to be the Warder of this incredible woman, who… Another feeling appeared between the others and was gone in an instant. Surprised, Lan furrowed his forehead. Did Moiraine hide something from him? But what could that be?

The Warder pushed his own feelings aside and concentrated on Moiraine. What was she hiding? He dove into their bond and pushed her love, trust, and strength aside to reveal the feelings beneath it.

Moiraine pulled back as soon as she noticed that Lan was digging. She couldn't allow him to find what she was hiding underneath the strong feelings she was willing to share with him. Light, she had just wanted to cheer him up since his mood had been terrible.

Everyone in the tower had known that today Stepin would return Kerene's ring to the flames. While the Warders had supported their grieving brother, the Aes Sedai had stayed in their rooms to remember Kerene.

But Moiraine had something else that was on her mind. Over the past month, she had watched how the grief had taken its toll on Stepin. The poor man barely looked like himself anymore. And according to the Warders, he rarely ate anything and his sleep was troublesome as well.

They all had seen how fast everything could end. Not even an Aes Sedai was invincible. One careless moment and her life would be over. And then it would be Lan's turn to return her ring to the tower. He would have to bring Siuan the message of her death. But the worst part was to know how hard her death would hit him. The loss of a bonded Aes Sedai… how could she do this to him? She loved Lan with all her heart and she didn't want this for him. She wanted him to live. He wasn't just her Warder. For twenty years, he was her protector, her friend, her confidant. He had saved her life countless times. She couldn't wish for a better Warder.

The Aes Sedai felt that Lan was close to finding the hidden emotion. Quickly, she concentrated on masking the bond. She always hated it to do this, but otherwise, he wouldn't…

Moiraine gasped when Lan suddenly took her face into his hands and broke her concentration. At the same time, he found what he had been looking for. A silent tear rolled down Moiraine's cheek when she couldn't hide her fear anymore. Within a heartbeat, her throat tightened, and she had troubles to breathe. She was close to a panic attack.

At first, Lan was overwhelmed when he felt Moiraine's fear. She had hidden it very well, but it was something she couldn't suppress forever. It was the same fear, which had occurred after the blade of Stepin's axe had cut his throat in the cave. After she had felt him dying right in front of her. The two of them had faced danger many times in the last twenty years, and the scars on their bodies were proof that sometimes they had been injured during their travels. Especially Lan had taken a few fatal hits before, but Moiraine had always been able to heal him. Or another Aes Sedai had been by their side to heal Moiraine's wounds. The last few months had been terrifying and were taking their toll on them.

When Lan realized that Moiraine had a panic attack, he pulled her out of the chair into his arms. It wasn't a very comfortable position, but he needed her to breathe again. One of his hands rubbed soothing circles on her back, while the other one pressed her trembling body against his.

How quickly their roles had changed. Only a few heartbeats ago, she had been the strong one, who had lent him her strength. And now he was the one, who tried to be there for her. But if he was honest, this was a never-ending circle since they both had to fight against the same fear – to lose the other one. Kerene's death and Stepin's grief were a terrible thing for every Aes Sedai-Warder pair. Lan had seen it on the faces of his brothers. Even Maksim and Ihvon had been shaking. Would they ever be able to break the circle?

Moiraine put her arms around Lan and squeezed him tightly. She needed him as close as possible to convince her body and her mind that he was alive and well in her arms. Finally, she was able to take a deep breath, and the tight feeling in her throat and on her chest faded. Lan's heartbeat was steady and strong, and his chest was rising and falling rhythmically with every in- and exhale. The Aes Sedai tried to copy his rhythm to calm herself. `Lan is alive. Nynaeve had healed him. He isn't dying.´

Sadly, her mind wasn't convinced so easily by calming words even when they were true. Every night, she had the same nightmare. They were back in the cave, but it was just the two of them and Logain. And every time, she couldn't reach Lan.

Quickly, Moiraine embraced Saidar. But even the joy of touching the One Power couldn't eradicate her constant fear. No, she had to convince herself that it was true. The woman of the Blue Ajah concentrated then she started a delving on Lan. Immediately, her Warder stiffened and growled, but she couldn't wait for his approval. She needed to be sure. The delving didn't take long, but when it was over, Moiraine felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from her shoulders. The confirmation that Lan was indeed alright. Healthy and strong as always. Finally, her body and her mind calmed down, and she was able to release her tight grip on Lan.

"Better?"

Moiraine nodded then she leaned her forehead against Lan's chest. "I needed to make sure."

"I know." Lan was used to her sudden delving by now. Since the nightmares had started, Moiraine had delved him every night since it was the only thing that was helping her to relax again after a panic attack.

"What now?"

"I need to talk to the eyes and ears. We need to find the others."

"What about Nynaeve? She won't stay in her room for long."

"Let's hope that she stays in it for a while."

"I could…"

"No.", Moiraine interrupted Lan harshly. She knew exactly what he had wanted to offer. Slowly, she took a deep breath and continued in a softer voice: "You're concerned about Stepin. You should keep an eye on him. Not the Wisdom."

Lan exhaled deeply. Moiraine was right. He was more worried about Stepin than about Nynaeve at the moment. Since Kerene's death, his friend wasn't looking like himself anymore. And especially after today's ceremony, he would need someone to take care of him.

A small smile appeared on Lan's lips, which he quickly hid in Moiraine's dark brown curls. His Aes Sedai knew him very well. Right now, there were so many disturbing feelings flowing through their bond, but she was still able to see the ones, which were important. But she was forgetting that he was worried about her too. This fear of hers wouldn't disappear suddenly.

"Right now, Stepin needs to be alone. He wouldn't want me to see him grieve. I will accompany you."

"There is no need for that.", Moiraine protested.

"I want to be close when the fear becomes stronger again."

"I just did a delving on you." Moiraine pushed him softly away, but Lan cupped her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. "I'll be alright."

"I don't doubt that you will be in some way. But the incident with Logain happened over a month ago, and your fear is just as strong now as it was then, Moiraine."

The Aes Sedai opened her mouth, but no words came out. The first oath was keeping her from lying. `Light! I just want to assure him that he doesn't need to worry! But there are no words, which would calm him and would be the truth!´

Lan smiled when he saw how the woman of the Blue Ajah was having trouble with the first oath. Gently, he pressed his lips on hers to stop them from trying to form words. Moiraine grabbed his tunic, but she neither pulled him closer nor pushed him away. She simply held on to him.

Their lips parted, but the Warder stayed where he was. "I stay by your side, my Aes Sedai.", he whispered against her lips "Lead the way."

He sent his determination through the bond, but it still needed several heartbeats until Moiraine finally surrendered. Her deep exhale was her way of admitting her defeat.

Lan released her head then he helped her to get back on her feet before he stood up as well. For a second, he saw doubt in Moiraine's eyes, but one look into his and she realized that she wouldn't change his mind. He would follow her wherever she was leading him. She nodded one last time, and then they left her bedroom.