Dabi wondered if he died in his fifties meant that he could count this as a mid-life crisis, cause it sure felt like one when he was spending his day off walking through a shrine to find his place in it while disguised.
As much as it pained him to admit the Twinkie was right about him being too easy to recognize with just dyeing his hair a different color, anyone with half a brain that saw him use his quirk would put two and two together.
A thing he'd much prefer didn't happen thank you very much.
Which of course begged the question.
If he wanted so desperately to remain hidden, why in the hell was he going to the very large and public shrine where his 'remains' supposedly were and risk being caught in the first place?
Frankly Dabi didn't have any fucking clue either and the leading reason in his mind was that exposure to his family had finally nuked his brain to a pile of mush and that the Twinkie blended it up before pouring it back into his head.
Because this was one hundred percent the Twinkie's fault, and no one could tell him otherwise.
When he'd agreed to meet up with his 'uncle' he didn't think it would change much, the Slushy was dense but not a complete ass, troubled by his past and had family baggage to boot.
Just one in a million really but he was willing to indulge himself for a little while since the Worm promised to give him a bonus for each meeting, and it wasn't like the man was some try-hard trying to force him to be family or anything.
However, after the most recent visit the Worm didn't drop him off at home or Red's bakery afterwards like always but brought him back to the Twinkie and his clones 'hive', as he had taken to naming the windowless office the three worked.
The Worm hadn't let on while Slushy was there but he had discovered something that day and wanted to tell him in private because of how Dabi could've reacted to the news, but the Worm insisted that he needed to know what he'd learned.
Dabi's hands trembled as he remembered the conversation and his mouth felt much drier as well as he forced the boy's words back before they could once again replay themselves.
Dabi kept his head down as he walked and stiffly walked until he finally made it to his destination only pausing as fought to raise his head and actually look at his part of the shrine.
He had never visited before and was previously only vaguely aware one existed at all thanks to the massive news coverage his 'death' attracted, before now he wasn't quite biting at the chance to see it.
And yet here he was, because of the Twink's clone's words no less.
Dabi had some idea of what would be in front of him, likely some presents from well wishers, maybe something a bit more personal from Fuyumi or Natsuo since he could only see either of those two coming to see him, an urn full of ash from the fire all those years ago that was probably from the building rather than his.
Then there was the thing that made his guts twist to think about and what was keeping him from raising his head in the first place.
There would be a picture of his younger self and a name plate saying: Todoroki Touya.
It was screwed up, something even he had to acknowledge but he despised being reminded that he was once Touya.
Someone so pathetically weak.
It wasn't hard to remember and if anything it pissed him off how easy it was to retrace his way back to how simple he thought the world was as a child.
The memories were blurry but clear in the intent.
Despite being a child he understood his place in life, it wasn't that hard to be honest and Endeavor's whims were completely childish.
He, Touya, was a child born to surpass his father's greatest rival All Might and take the spot as number one hero that rightfully belonged to his father.
That he was nothing more than a tool to the man hadn't bothered him, he was the man's son and as the child he was supposed to listen to his parents and respect them.
Of course, there was his mother's wishes to consider but she wasn't quite as interested in him as she was his younger sister Fuyumi.
Touya didn't quite understand why at the time but figured that while son's were supposed to follow their fathers, that daughter's in turn were supposed to take after their mothers.
He wasn't all that invested in figuring out why his mother so clearly preferred his sister back then since his mother acted like a mother to him and took care of his needs.
It wasn't until Fuyumi was four that he learned that the way he saw people and his relationships with them was different.
They were just their parents' tools after all and he hadn't seen why being family would mean that much in the grand scheme of things, but Fuyumi always went out of her way to do things that she thought would make him happy or get him to play with her.
Touya had just assumed that Fuyumi was merely overly attached to people since neither of their parents acted so affectionately with him or anyone else in the family for that matter, even mother with her favoritism of his sister wasn't nearly as excessive as Fuyumi.
But then Natsuo was born and he too was overly attached like Fuyumi, at least the two of them had each other to mess around with and left him to work on his quirk so that he could be a good successor, just as he was always meant to be.
Sure he was civil with them, they were his siblings and he was expected to be somewhat nice to them as any good child was supposed to be.
But the two of them just seemed to be obsessed with playing around instead of the reason for why they were born, it didn't help that he was losing his edge as the pain from using his quirk increased.
He wasn't attached to their family the same way his siblings were but that didn't mean he hadn't felt no connection to his family either.
Endeavor was his father and he knew he wanted to be a worthy successor, he was his mother's oldest child and was supposed to make her proud of him even if she wouldn't look at him fully until his hair started going white from the stress of his quirk.
And that as the oldest sibling he was supposed to be protective of his little sister and brother who were so childish compared to him and entertain their silly whims from time to time.
Then he was forced to stop by his father and realized that he was no longer the man's tool but considered his failure, just like Natsuo was completely useless for not having a quirk to begin with.
But unlike with his brother Touya had no idea why he was tossed aside, he had a powerful quirk and had always been such a good child for his father and never complained about their training, what had he done wrong?
All at once he was losing his purpose, the one he'd based his whole existence upon now meant nothing and his bond to his father utterly severed, and himself to be forgotten as his parents tried for another child.
Touya had never loved his father but the man was the one he was closest to and to suddenly have everything ripped away from him because he wasn't perfect... it had created a desperation within him that even he was surprised by to return to the status quo that had always been before now.
Because their father was all Touya had, his mother wouldn't ever look at him like she did Natsuo, much less how she doted on Fuyumi.
And his siblings were annoying with how suffocatingly naive and childish they were, he couldn't ever hope to have the same relationship he had with his father with any of them.
So Touya persisted in learning to use his quirk, regardless of the pain to prove he shouldn't be abandoned.
Then Shouto was born and Touya learned of the venomous coils of envy.
It was clear to everyone in their family that Shouto would be the masterpiece that their father had desired to create from the very beginning, and none of them could ever take their father's attention from the baby.
Touya had utterly despised the child, the one meant to replace him and succeeded in doing so from birth.
And for the first months Touya didn't think of Shouto as his baby brother but a damned parasite born to replace him and whose very existence mocked him for being a failure.
This venom pooled until Touya finally attempted to destroy the parasite, to prove his father wrong and that he was the only one who could be the man's tool.
Touya hadn't been successful and was locked away in another house without food or water for a month as punishment, something his mother and Fuyumi usually fought but even they couldn't forgive him for attacking Shouto.
Natsuo had been the only one to seek him out and bring him supplies so that he wouldn't die, Touya was plenty strong enough to get out on his own even if father had beaten him so badly and Touya remembered questioning his brother about why he bothered to do that when he knew what Touya had done.
The answer had changed many things, but mostly Touya's perception of his brother Natsuo.
Natsuo had said he hated that Touya attacked Shouto... but that he understood that Touya's brain didn't work like his and Fuyumi's, that Touya couldn't love them like they loved each other but that he still cared for them regardless.
Natsuo continued to say that he knew that Touya only hated Shouto because he thought Shouto was replacing him in their family, and that for their father Shouto had but that for him Touya would always be their brother no matter what.
Natsuo was barely four so the boy's wishes for his brother to not leave him when he was the one who, arguably, cared about him the most wasn't surprising but it was Natsuo's understanding that the two of them were different that made Touya look at his brother for the first time since he was proven quirkless and swiftly dismissed by their father.
Staring down at the boy pleading with him to stay with them, Touya was forced to acknowledge that he'd been wrong about his understanding of his purpose.
He was no longer his father's tool, no matter how much it stung his pride to admit that... but he wasn't just a brother to Natsuo either, he was the boy's world.
Fuyumi would always be mother's favorite and it was clear how much their father hated the boy's mere existence and was already starting to monopolize Shouto's, so that left Natsuo with no one else but Touya.
So Touya, albeit slowly, changed his focus.
Something that was helped by Natsuo visiting him in secret and staying the night with him despite knowing what the consequences would be if he were caught, the action reinforcing the new bond being forged between them.
When his punishment was up Touya returned to the house and as soon as he spotted Shouto he didn't find himself entangled in hatred like he used to be when seeing the infant, having grown oddly enough indifferent to the boy during the month and as he quickly left the room to find Natsuo.
Touya marveled that night as he realized that Natsuo had been correct in that he didn't actually hate his youngest sibling but their father for tossing him aside and wondered just how much smarter his brother was.
He spent most of his time with Natsuo after that, something he wouldn't have been able to do before their father shifted his focus to Shouto, and eventually it seemed no one but himself remembered what he had done, that or had just forgiven him like Fuyumi certainly did.
As the years rolled by Touya only became even more consumed with being a 'good' big brother to his siblings, mainly Natsuo as Fuyumi hadn't proven to be nearly as smart Natsuo was by choosing to remain blind and lie to herself about their family.
Of course during this time, the hate that once possessed him instead was rightfully directed at their father and he began to spite him alongside Natsuo, himself for being tossed aside and Natsuo for the man being nothing short of awful to them all.
And the perfect way to fuck with the man was to interfere with his training of Shouto, it was killing two birds with one stone really.
Natsuo clearly loved their youngest sibling and wouldn't have the time with Shouto otherwise with how tightly their father reined Shouto's life, so by taking Shouto away or butting in on the training to mitigate the damage Shouto got would only make Natsuo adore him more.
And as a plus he could fuck with their old man all he wanted.
An unintended side effect of this was the bond that grew between him and Shouto, the baby brother he tried to kill.
Shouto, much like Natsuo looked at him like he was the most important person in the world, and Touya greedily lapped up all of the boy's attention, deeply enjoying his role as both of his brothers 'savior'.
Things only changed again when Shouto was five and Touya learned what it meant to be afraid for another person.
He was looking for Shouto as they were playing hide and seek only to hear Shouto crying.
The sound oddly tore at him and rushed forward to the kitchen only to find their mother, normally a benevolent woman that hardly mattered in his mind with how little she did for him since he became more indepent, standing over Shouto pouring boiling water on his brother.
Touya's exact memory of what he did next were lost to the plunging fear that engulfed him so suddenly.
However, by the end of it their mother had been thrown across the room further losing her mind to madness as he sat in the furthest corner away from her clutching Shouto protectively to his chest and flames wrapped around him like a blanket to keep that woman away from them both.
After they'd been found their mother had been sent away but Touya could hardly care about that woman, whatever she'd once meant to him was nothing compared to the scar on Shouto and the realization that both of his brothers could truly be hurt.
Of course, Shouto had been hurt during training and he'd fixed Natsuo's cuts and scrapes before but this... the pain their mother had inflicted upon them was so much worse than anything their father had done to them so far, and in the wake of the terror was a scar that he couldn't fix and left both of them so terribly vulnerable.
Something that their father took advantage of because now they knew their father could permanently remove someone from their lives and that there was nothing any of them could do.
And for the first time Touya began to protect his brothers from their father in earnest, their father was much crueler in his training of Shouto and without their mother there he was the only one capable of protecting them.
Fuyumi was completely useless in this matter, what with her constant begging him to not cause trouble as if their father wasn't the one tormenting their brothers and that their brothers so clearly and desperately needed him to keep them safe.
Then came that night almost nine years ago when Touya failed for the last time.
Touya was reintroduced to fear that day and never looked back.
Something that made Dabi want to spit on the boy's grave for how much of a coward he was even though he was just as consumed by that very same fear.
Because unlike Dabi, Touya truly was weak.
Too weak to be his father's tool.
Too weak to protect his brothers.
And even too weak to save himself in the end.
However, he had managed to survive and become Dabi.
Someone selfish, but strong enough to be far more than a pathetic man's dog.
Someone who could bring down his bastard father in order to ultimately protect his brothers.
And now he was someone who would be able to survive the process even if his quirk wasn't the perfect blend like Shouto's.
Except now that might not be true now either from what the Worm told him.
The Worm was recording the two of them using their quirks, only for this time he caught Dabi on film as well and because he was using a heat-radar the Worm could see the way each of their quirks worked.
And the Slushy's quirk worked as expected but the Worm noticed something about his body that didn't align with what they previously knew about his quirk.
Apparently, while using his quirk it made his body heat up like expected but then it seemed to cool down by drawing in the cold air made from Slushy's quirk hitting his own.
Something that hinted at his quirk having a bigger connection to his mother's ice quirk since he could unconsciously draw in the cold to cool his body, and possibly could do much more than that if he trained his quirk.
Which meant that his quirk was more like his baby brother's instead of Endeavor's.
Part of him was overjoyed by this fact that he was more connected to Shouto in a way that bastard couldn't touch.
But a larger part of him was howling with maniacal laughter as anger, sadness, and grief clashed inside of him, it was merciless and if anyone could hear it would know there wasn't a shred of happiness in it.
Because what else he could do when he learned that in every way possible that he wasn't a failure and that the only reason he hadn't been the 'masterpiece' Endeavor wanted was because the man screwed up on every step on the way.
His life could've been so different if that man had a single ounce of decency.
Instead here he was on the verge of a mental breakdown in front of his own grave.
Finally, after hours of pouring over his memories Dabi lifted his head and stared at the picture of him, it was from when he was thirteen and his hair had fully grown white, a small smile on his younger form's face.
The well of disgust Dabi expected when he stared at Touya didn't come, if anything, his mind for whatever reason seemed to calm the raging emotions inside him.
God he had to be fucked in the head for that to make any sense.
But upon finally seeing the grave of Touya a wave of... he'd call it acceptance, fell on him and brought about an odd sense of calmness.
Thinking back to his words to Slushy he felt that was probably more accurate than he thought back then.
Touya did die nine years ago in that fire, and he, Dabi, was born in his stead.
With this final thought Dabi released a long weary sigh, then walked forward and his hand reached out to part of the altar where Natsuo had left a keychain for him, it had to be because it was the twin to the one he'd got for Natsuo when he had his first day of school.
Dabi plucked it from the altar and proceeded to walk towards the entrance of the shrine, ready to go home and eat dinner with Red.
All the while rubbing his thumb over the keychain.
Forgive the rant but I can't stop uge to put this out there.
I am fully aware that Dabi in canon is either a psycopath or a sociopath.
However as he is one my favs I understand I also have a bias for his redemption stories, which is usually also impossible for the same reasons that I listed for Toga.
But in this story I am leaning towards Dabi being sociopathic and in that case he'd had a short window of opportunity for becoming a morally grey character rather than a straight bastard.
So with that in mind and the changes of this au (such as Natsuo being quirkless) I think Dabi didn't just resent Enji but grew close to his brothers which is why the canon 'death' of Touya is different from my story's version, which was also coincidenally a 'training accident'.
Because of this different view point Dabi is easier to cow over to the 'good' side by Izuku who got his hooks into him before Stain.
Dabi will still be morally grey in my take just not so 'I'll scorch the earth then drag you to hell with me' murderous in canon.
Personal thanks to any of you who listened to my rant, I swear I'll save any others I have for a character study off-shoot series.