Izuku sighed as he left the portal and sent a quick thank you text to Kurogiri before he ran a hand through his hair as he walked over to his bed and flopped down on it, throwing an arm over his eyes.
His mind racing with what he and Nezu had just been talking about.
Izuku had known that he needed to let others in and stop himself from monopolizing full control over things.
Raven's warning which had been given back in… May of last year? Gosh it felt like it had been so much longer than that.
And Izuku had tried to do his best to let go of the purse strings he'd clutched on to so tightly, but he'd struggled with even loosening his grip.
His apartments were somewhat independent of himself, what with the landlords like Shoji-San running the day-to-day with him only checking in with them once a week but that was the most off-handed he got with anything.
His mother was helping to arrange half of the financial situation with Mido and the only reason he'd given up that much was because Mido was there to keep an eye on things, and he could trust Mido as an alternative version of himself.
Izuku was still completely thankful that his mother found and befriended Twice, not only had both Riya and Mido become nearly as crucial as himself to his operation as it expanded, but he knew that the man was helping his mom not be so lonely with his absence.
The Vespas had told him of Twice popping in to visit his mom with his dog scamp, which eased him somewhat knowing that his mom wasn't so tired anymore.
Izuku had his doubts over his mom quitting her dream job but as he picked up his phone and looked at his new home screen, a picture of the two of them from that Sunday, he couldn't help thinking she was right to do so.
He'd finally taken her over to the farm and Joseph had taken a picture of the two of them sitting with the sheep and his heart ached as he saw just how much his mom glowed in the peaceful scene.
Going to the gallery Izuku saw the massive change in his mother over the years in the pictures.
She still worried for him, that anxiety of theirs would probably haunt them both even into the afterlife, but nowadays she no longer was weighed down by it so heavily.
Absolutely nothing like how she did back before she found out, a soured joy caused tears to slowly and quietly fall from his face as he wondered if this was the feeling that overwhelmed her when she saw him being so happy.
*Would she be so happy if she knew?* Izuku thought only to scoff right after as the answer was a foregone conclusion.
*She'd never sleep again.* Izuku answered.
He sat up as he forced himself to genuinely consider what Nezu said, Izuku needed strong allies because his plan could just as easily fail and he'd wouldn't be able to survive long after the attempt, so he'd need someone else to watch over his people after he was gone.
Because he had no idea what would happen to his doubles once he died, he had asked Twice if he knew what would happen but Twice had never been in a position where he would know, almost all of the people he copied were still alive and Izuku wasn't so heartless to try and 'test' such a thing.
But he made sure both of his doubles understood what to do if he failed.
As vain as it made him feel, Izuku had come to understand that his death would be too chaotic for the country to survive, and if it came to that... then Izuku could only hope Riya and Mido wouldn't go with him.
Izuku let his eyes slide over to one of his bookshelves, the only place he kept his hero merch now if it wasn't made by Katsuki, and he thought of the people Nezu wanted to read in on his situation.
Gran Torino was the first to come to his mind, he knew the man was once friends with Tenko's grandmother and would be the most knowledgeable about Inheritance outside of the users.
Haruki-San had told him about the man from what she remembered, she had been one of the boy's teachers and said he was a very standoffish boy and she wasn't even sure how he and Nana became such close friends.
Izuku was ambivalent over the man, he didn't know enough about him to be for or against the man in any strong sense, he'd ask the Vespas but if he was still alive then he'd be crafty enough to hide from All For One.
Then Izuku moved on to the next person, Tsukauchi.
Who Izuku was probably the most okay with knowing of his situation, the man was an honest one and one who cared as well, something that was confirmed by not only the Vespas but Masao-San who told him about the man's quiet outrage at the quirkism that kept Soki and Ren in such a dangerous situation.
All Might on the other hand...
Izuku couldn't help releasing a disbelieving chuckle.
He'd once been one of All Might biggest fans, and now he couldn't help being completely against letting him do something as simple as watch paint dry, regardless of the man's dubious nature or morality Izuku would never forgive the man for the sheer panic he put Roland-Kun through.
Maybe, he could work with him if he knew more but Izuku gravely didn't want to, his guts twisting at just the thought of it.
The man was merely a mask and in the one time he encountered him he had lost a great deal of his remaining fervor for the hero, if Izuku hadn't been there he would have most likely lost one of his kids and that would have been unforgivable in his eyes.
But with All Might being the holder of Inheritance it made cutting the man out from his plans difficult.
Izuku sighed at that and he considered if the complications that would come about if he iced All Might out would be worth it in the long run.
And to Izuku's greatly bitter displeasure he couldn't say it was and he placed his head in his hands.
He'd just have the Vespas find every scrap of information on the man, and he'd be able to point them in the right direction since Izuku narrowed down the time for when All Might had gone to U.A. and that would be the best way to find the man's true identity.
It was distasteful but if he was to work with the man then he'd ensure that he'd only do so with a few purse strings he could tug on if necessary.
And then there was Sir Nighteye.
Getting up from his bed Izuku walked over to the book shelve and picked up one of the books on All Might, it had some quotes from Sir inside it and was considered one of the few collectors items that existed, having come out before Sir joined All Might as a sidekick.
Izuku had at one point thought of him as a very good hero, but this man clearly idolized All Might perhaps as much as he once had.
Sir had worked personally with All Might for years until the supposed death of All For One.
Izuku wasn't sure how he felt about the man now, because the man might've lost his luster for the hero much like Izuku had over those years but stayed out of obligation to kill All For One, or Sir was so lost to his obsession that he'd overlook All Might's 'true' nature whatever that was.
Izuku would set the Vespas upon him as well, he'd need to know where Sir's loyalties lay before he could make a solid decision for him.
Sir's quirk would be invaluable but if he was truly blinding himself to All Might's less favorable traits then the man would be more of a threat than anything else, which could go bad for him very fast if the man was more nefarious than he thought.
Izuku shook his head and placed the book back on the shelf then sat down at his desk, throwing his head back and running a hand through his hair again.
His mind suddenly reminded himself of Recovery Girl and that she too would be someone he could tell according to Nezu.
Izuku put his head in one hand and he went over what few encounters he had with the woman so far.
She was a bit touchy and seemed to always be in a foul mood whenever any student was brought to her, but Izuku lowered his eyes and pursed his lips.
Izuku couldn't really blame the woman's horrid temper, what with how overworked she was and the pressures from the board, he'd probably be just as bad in her position, he's certainly had some bad days where his students were hesitant to approach him even to ask what was wrong.
And to be stuck in that situation for years... God even he probably would've snapped in those circumstances, even before his mom helped him and he didn't have his current 'back bone'.
Haruki did say that she used to be much calmer and nicer before, and Izuku did remember that she looked much better once he got the board to agree to Natsuo as her assistant.
Izuku would probably arrange for himself to meet up with the woman to get a better read on her instead of asking the Vespas to investigate her.
Shaking his head Izuku groaned quietly as he once again placed himself into a core role even if it made sense in the moment.
Why was this so hard? Even his mom didn't seem to have as big of a problem with letting him go and do his work even after he revealed that it was in the South Side and with the aftermath of the SSI.
Izuku rubbed his forehead then laid his crossed arms on his desk concerned with himself because he was at his wits end.
He has never had any problems doing what he needed to for his students before, even going so as to learn to defend himself and even putting himself first for once in his life, as well as to search for ways to not die.
But here he was with a way to do that and he was just floundering as he was standing steadfast on his cliff alone.
And it wasn't like he's ever had this great sense of self-preservation if his life from first learning he was a two-toes until the bullying was discovered wasn't the biggest clue to that, so Izuku literally had no idea what was causing him to be so defensive.
Done with his frustration Izuku went back over to his bed and grabbed his phone then started to dial it, not really caring about the fact it was so late because he was so worked up.
"Ori? Everything okay? Mido said Nezu texted us?" Riya rapid fire answered as soon as he answered Izuku's call.
Izuku let out a soft sigh "It's fine, he had me sign a contract that will keep us safe from prison after ending the All For One problem. But he wants to read other people in on the Tenko situation." He explained as he flopped down on the bed.
"Oh." Riya said and Izuku could imagine the other blinking "I, see... Do you want me to hand the phone over to Mido so he can-"
"No, I-" Izuku quickly interrupted Riya as he shot back up before he realized what he did. "Sorry Ri, I've already figured things out with that, that's not why I called. I… wanted to ask you something personal." Izuku clarified.
"Ah." Riya replied.
"Telling people who already know about All For One shouldn't have me so torn up, this is only going to help us and the only person this will backfire on is me so why I'm I so hesitant?" Izuku questioned.
Riya was silent for a moment until he spoke up "Ori, this might sound like a weird question but why did you hide the bullying?" Riya asked him back.
Izuku blinked confused "Huh? That?" Izuku sputtered before he could stop himself.
"Yes." Riya confirmed.
"Oh, well I didn't want mom, auntie and uncle to worry." Izuku answered rubbing the back of his neck "I mean, there wasn't much they could do or, well that's what I thought at the time." he further explained.
"Mm, hm. And why didn't you tell her about Masao-San living in the South Side?" Riya inquired and Izuku scoffed.
"Because it's the South Side, she would've locked me up in bubble wrap and never stopped crying because of the danger I was in. I mean she didn't in the end but still." Izuku replied and Riya hummed in agreement, his mom letting him continue working out there still felt unbelievable.
"Then you didn't tell her about All For One." Riya commented.
"Because she'd lose her mind worrying about me." Izuku said since that was so damn obvious, she was getting her spark back and very much didn't need to know about the ancient evil overlord hunting him down as they spoke.
Riya was silent for a few moments and Izuku wondered if he was waiting for him to connect whatever made the last three questions related.
"And the bathtub Ori?" Riya finally said.
Izuku's other hand gripped his bed's sheets in a white-knuckle grip.
"You know exactly why she can never know about that." Izuku spat venomously.
Knowing that he'd ever tried to… stop like he had would've absolutely killed her, regardless of whether or not it was a conscious attempt.
In fact that last part would have probably made it even worse, god forbid if she ever discovered the existence of his little black notebook.
She'd never stop blaming herself if she knew.
"That's why Ori." Riya told him cutting through his spiraling thoughts.
"... What?" Izuku questioned not following and Riya sighed on the other end.
"Ori this has never been about protecting ourselves, even now we don't care about dying, just the aftermath of it because all the people we care about would be devastated." Riya stated and Izuku opened his mouth to protest.
"Can you really tell me you don't want to anymore Ori? Even subconsciously?" Riya questioned.
"Yes!" Izuku snapped standing up.
"Then why don't we burn the notebook-" "No!" Riya suggested but Izuku's body felt like he'd suddenly been plunged into ice-cold water and quickly replied nearly shouting the word as he interrupted.
Silence filled the air.
Perhaps Riya hadn't expected him to react so strongly but that was nothing compared to Izuku's own purely stunned horror with himself.
Izuku opened his mouth to apologize but words didn't come and the silence stretched out even more, as Izuku's chest began to ache from how constricted it suddenly felt.
"Ori, I know this is hard to hear but for all we've grown we're still not living for ourselves but for others." Riya softly said after a few more moments.
"We didn't start avoiding getting hurt because of the pain but because it hurt the people we loved, and we only care about living because the people we care for would die without us." Riya continued saying.
"Mido and I are killed every month and our replacements are born seconds later, and even in the beginning we never once ran from our fate or tried to change it, we walk into death every month without fail and we don't care because you don't either Ori." Riya told him and it felt like a dagger to Izuku's heart.
He… he didn't really think about that but Riya was right.
Twice deactivating them might not be as painful as a real death but they were still dying in the end, and the biggest fuss they ever made about it was finishing their deadlines before the cut off and having proper documents for their replacements.
And though the two of them felt more like siblings that he shared a face with, since the two of them had grown somewhat independent of himself, they were still Izuku's doubles at the end of the day, their thoughts and cares mirrored that of his own.
Slowly Izuku sank back down and sat on his bed once again "I... " Izuku said though his mind was still stumbling, and he couldn't even begin to think of what he was about to say.
What could he even say?
"Ori, we don't care about ourselves... but we'll do everything in our power and well beyond that to protect the people we love, even live for them." Riya said spelling it out as he stopped beating around the bush.
"You're not holding out because you're scared of dying if it all goes wrong Ori, you're terrified of how much this will hurt those we love if it did, of the pain our mom and all of our friends will go through." Riya further elaborated.
Even though Izuku wasn't quite thinking straight he did understand the reasoning behind what Riya was saying.
He loved his students but there were very few people he'd trust to keep his mom safe, just ten if he counted the Vespas collectively.
With that in mind his reluctance no longer mystified him.
He could do without the brain melting from Riya to realize it though and Izuku groaned to say as much "Why didn't I think of that?" Izuku asked himself.
"You can't see your face without a mirror Ori." Riya answered a bit cryptically but Izuku understood it all the same.
"Thanks Riya." Izuku muttered.
"Anytime Ori." Riya replied before Izuku hung up and ran his hand through his hair once again.
His life really couldn't ever be normal could it? Even his trust issues had to be layered and knotted.