Upon waking up from the knockout given to him by Raijin, Hawks had found himself with a lot to think about.
Things that led to him sitting in his apartment that night surrounded by the files the H.P.S.C. had given him once he got back from retraining and were previously left unread.
He hadn't touched them before because he didn't want to see anything that would painfully remind him of the recent betrayal and dig the knife in his heart even further.
But after Raijin had gone so far as to literally try and knock some sense into him Hawks couldn't stop himself from looking through them.
And the more he read the more he began to kick himself for not going to see Zuri.
Since as much as the people gathering the files had tried to twist Zuri's actions as Deku-Sensei Hawks only found more and more layers that showed their friendship wasn't some predetermined honey-trap to get his claws in him.
Because yes, there were files about Zuri meeting with high level criminals, like Morozov and a large number of Vespas.
But nearly all of the files showed Zuri helping people or playing with kids.
Pausing when he saw a picture of a person Zuri had once described to him, a young boy covered in stripes that was climbing all over Zuri with the boy laughing about it, the file he was holding flagging the child since he had a strong quirk that affected the body and mind.
Even before he read it he knew the kid's name because Zuri had gushed about the boy to him, and that was just the first one he recognized.
The longer and longer he read on the more he recalled these clearly brow-beaten people from what the boy had told him of them and after finding the fiftieth person Hawks just had to stop and put his head in his hands to keep from being completely overwhelmed.
Because frankly, at that moment as he sat in his living room with his feathers all bundled in his bed and surrounded by files he'd been reading them with the dozens of lights from the skyline outside his window, he had to struggle with two very conflicting feelings over his recent relevations.
As on one hand learning that he hadn't fallen into some convoluted honey-trap from his target and that his first friend that fed him and let him stop being Hawks for a few precious moments actually cared about him, and the relief of that nearly bowled him over.
But on the other hand, a new looming fear had slowly trickled throughout his body, ice creeping in his veins and chilling him to the bone.
Since the only people who would be trying so hard to vilify something like helping young children was someone that clearly wasn't on the right side of the morality spectrum.
And that was exactly what the H.P.S.C. was doing.
Which was a horrible thing to realize.
And yet... Hawks wasn't as shocked by it as he should have been, more of an unpleasant knowledge that he was only now fully understanding what he already knew.
Because if he was being honest this wasn't the first secretly evil organization thing that he'd seen from them.
You weren't supposed to buy children from their parents, however that didn't stop the commission from paying off his mother to take him.
And them forcing him to shed his wings and feathers then burning them year after year? That was probably against more than one child abuse law no matter how much his handlers told him it would make his wings bigger and stronger.
Or having him make his first kill when he was only ten years old... that was probably also not so legal.
But all of that paled after Raijin pointed out the whole Lady Nagant situation to him, unlocking an entirely new fear for him.
Hawks had always been afraid of stepping out of line in fear of retraining and aware of he'd been straddling a thin line.
However, he hadn't known just how thin that line was or that if he fell off it would have him land in acid and not on the concrete.
This new knowledge of how replaceable he was kept him up through the night, the fear making itself right at home in the pit of his stomach.
A few of them constantly cycling through his mind repeatedly as he laid in bed trying to force his brain into sleep.
Like was the only reason they had burned Lady Nagant's life because she killed the previous head of the commission?
Or would another slip of the tongue be enough for him to be sent away to become Lady Nagant's cell mate?
Cause he wasn't sure he would be able to keep his mouth shut if someone tried to bad mouth Zuri in front of him now.
He didn't feel the need to snap at the rude reporters before because he was still reeling from when he thought Zuri was trying to worm his way into his side, but now that he knew Zuri was only trying to help him and even searching for ways to keep him from facing the same fate as Lady Nagant?
There would be a serious risk of him losing his cool on them.
And if that wasn't a scary enough thought now that he knew that he could be sent to Tartarus over it, he was supposed to have his next appearance on Hands up Radio for a charity live stream tomorrow and there would undoubtedly be questions about the statement Zuri and U.A. staff gave recently.
Unfortunately, for him Hawks hadn't found any answers in his mind's late night rambling and the next morning came far too soon for him.
With a great deal of dread weighing him down Hawks got ready for another day at the agency and went through the motions of what he needed to do without seeming suspicious.
And not for the first time but the most gratefully probably Hawks was able to hide everything about the swirling mess of anxiety coursing through him with all of the training they'd given to hide his true feelings.
Especially towards the sidekicks they'd hired for them, as the fact they were likely relaying information to the commission was now much more frightening than it was before.
Frankly the only silver lining was that he'd be able to leave early to go to the stream, which Zuri would hopefully be listening to since Zuri had told him that he loved listening to Hands up and that Mic was one of his favorite heroes later on in their interactions.
And he hoped that would be true even now, cause as worried as he was about reacting 'out of character' from what the H.P.S.C. expected of him Raijin's warning of Zuri cutting contact with him was something that Hawks was far more afraid of.
Because after years of being led around like a puppet on a string he could hardly stand the thought of losing the only person he had left that was being honest with him and cared about him beyond his role as a hero.
Of course, how he'd get the message that he didn't want to stop seeing Zuri across without coming out and actually saying it would be a problem, he couldn't risk the commission or anyone else for that matter knowing about their secret connection to each other.
Sadly Hawks wasn't able to come to a solid way before he had to go, thankfully he didn't need to worry about any of the sidekicks following him to the stream and as soon as he was done for the day Hawks all but leapt off the balcony of his office.
Racing through the sky directly towards the radio station on the most direct route even if he had to swoop over a couple of skyscrapers until he landed on the roof of the building next door, making sure to straighten himself out because his flight had affected his appearance.
Hawks didn't often feel the need to preen himself but Zuri liked Present Mic and the man had been rather nice to him last time he helped out, so Hawks decided to spend a minute or two straightening his hair before he went into the station.
Satisfied he looked appropriate Hawks hopped off the building, slowing his fall with a few flaps of his wings and walked right up to the door and going inside, his eyes immediately landing upon Mic's assistant Shelly.
To be fair to him though her hair was made of strings of shiny white seashells and Zuri said most avian quirked people couldn't resist the allure of any shiny or reflective object.
"Oh, Hawks you're right on time, c'mon Mic's about to go on air." Shelly said once she looked up from the paperwork she was holding.
Hawks threw her a grin "Great, mind showing me to a coat closet first though?" Hawks asked and she complied easily enough.
Hawks took off his aviator jacket and then looked at his wings feeling conflicted. Hawks very much wanted to shed all of his feathers and leave them here in the closet but he wasn't sure he could square that away with his handlers.
"Oh right, do you think you could... separate your wings for a couple hours? We're using some special equipment to handle the donations, the person who normally does it had a family emergency and the only operator we could get on such short notice has a feather allergy." Shelly requested trying her best to sound kind about it, likely not wanting to offend him.
But Hawks had to keep himself from perking up upon hearing that "Sure, not a problem." Hawks casually said mentally fist pumping in his head as he disconnected all of his feathers and set them to rest together on a shelf in the closet.
Allowing a small bit of his pep in his step as he walked with Shelly over to the recording booth and saw Mic in the booth, looking much like he had last time.
His hair down from how he constantly put it up and his mic-collar thing resting on the desk, so he seemed more relaxed but recognizable all the same.
Mic smiled at him and waved him to come on in, which Hawks happily complied with and settled in the chair next to Mic, the man offering him a hand "Heya Kiddo, great to see ya again." Mic greeted with a smile.
Hawks grinned right back at him "Happy to be here, especially to help with such a good cause." Hawks replied.
"You're more than welcome, now we'll be on the air in three, two, one- Hey little listeners!" Mic said, his radio voice being injected with much more energy.
"For those of you just tuning in, welcome and feel free to throw your hands up with us. Cause today we're having a very special program for ya, normally we just talk on Sundays but the people of St. Apollo's reached out to us for a collab." Mic began to explain.
"And for those of you little listener who've been around for a while know just how much we'll love those guys and how big of an honor it is to help them with this shout out, and just like on Sunday I ain't alone in this so let's give my lovely co-host a hand, or should I say a wing?" Mic questioned giving him his opening.
"That's very kind of you Mic but you're being much too kind to me, who could turn down a chance to help St. Apollo's?" Hawks replied moving his to a shrug like position making Mic laugh.
St. Apollo was one of the charities he genuinely adored, it was an international program dedicated to helping children in places left with unstable governments after the quirk wars get the help they needed to with their quirks.
"Right, so for the next two hours little listeners, the number four hero Hawks and I will be answering your questions and collecting donations from those of you out there, our goal is to raise ¥500k but don't feel bad if you can't send us anything folks." Mic told them.
"Not everyone has the money to do so and that is a okay little listeners, but if you can donate even a little bit we have people standing by at xxx-xxx-Live that will be happy to take your details and a link on our website up for you to donate money at." Mic informed everyone.
"And for every ¥50k we raise, Hawks and I will sing a song you guys want us to sing, which is what that comment box on the website is for, the songs will be picked a random by my assistant though remember to keep it PC folks" Mic further elaborated with a wink at Shelly who gave a thumbs up back.
"So, with that said let's get this show on the road and have our first question, go ahead little listener." Mic said pressing a button, starting off a round of questions much like how things went the first time.
Though they raised money much faster than Hawks thought they would which led to him singing with Mic sooner than he thought they would, and nearly laughing when the next caller questioned him on why his voice was so good.
The next question wasn't nearly as innocent and the good mood that had been built was quickly ripped away from him as the somewhat familiar voice of a woman spoke.
"Hawks how do you feel about Midoriya continuing to work at U.A? Especially since not a week before he was seen on T.V. threatening another hero, do you really think that someone like that should around our children, much less be teaching them?"
Hawks brain stalled for a moment.
But once the woman's voice and words registered Hawks hands nearly broke the chair's arm rests.
He didn't remember the woman's name but he sure as hell remembered how she spoke to Zuri during the press conference and how utterly condescending she had been to him.
And oh how his blood boiled.
How dare she question Zuri's capabilities?
Zuri was an incredibly intelligent and kind person that risked his life every day to help others, and even went so far as to help him regardless of the risk to his own person despite knowing that the H.P.S.C. would probably kill him if they knew Zuri was aware of their dirty laundry.
The sheer gall of her.
Hawks, even though he hadn't let his anger show on his face he needed a moment to breathe before he found the words to answer her.
Well, ones that wouldn't give away his real relationship with the boy.
"I am very happy that U.A. has Midoriya-San on their staff, and I fully support Midoriya-San's reaction to Death-Arms." Hawks cooly answered causing a shocked gasp from the woman as she began to sputter.
Remembering the button to cut the call that Mic had been using the whole time Hawks hung up on her.
"To elaborate on my view for just a minute, I think what Midoriya-San did in that situation was one-hundred percent justified." Hawks stated, capitalizing on this moment to possibly reach out to Zuri.
"Death-Arms is a hero, yes, but what he was trying to do was crossing many lines.
From trying to arrest a scared child, who was under the influence of a mental quirk, to attempting to prevent said child from receiving medical attention afterwards even when they had been in point blank range of numerous explosions is completely unacceptable." Hawks laid out.
"And Midoriya-San did exactly what people should do in that situation and made him back off and protected both of the victims of that incident from an overly aggressive hero that was throwing his weight around." Hawks told them crossing his arms.
"Heroes aren't perfect, and honestly it is a major relief to me that someone is willing to point out our flaws in teaching the next generation of heroes. Because I know for a fact that people like Midoriya-San keep people who'd abuse the power and status that being a hero grants them from ever becoming a hero." Hawks confessed, a sliver of his emotion escaping him as he said this.
"And for those of you that can't seem to fathom the idea of Midoriya-San teaching, let me ask you something." Hawks said leaning forward and continuing on this roll since Mic hadn't stopped him.
"Do you need your quirk to cook? What about cleaning? Or how about writing? Do you need your quirk to walk or move any of your limbs? How about speaking? Do you need it to do anything in your day-to-day life?" Hawks questioned, waiting a few seconds before he spoke again.
"No? Then why does the fact he doesn't have a quirk mean anything to you people?" Hawks asked then huffed jutting his chin upwards in his irritation.
"I mean, it's not like people are supposed to use their quirks in public spaces like schools outside of quirk classes. Because in case most of you have forgotten, it is quite illegal to use your quirk outside of private properties unless you have a legal permit to do so." Hawks spitefully added even with his voice still somehow remaining even.
"So, I frankly can't see a difference between Midoriya-San and any other teacher out there that has a quirk." Hawks stated running out of steam only to jolt when there was a loud a pop sound and a round of applause.
Mic cleared his throat "Thank you little listeners, it seems we've reached our donation goal." Mic told them and Hawks blinked owlishly and gaped at the bar which was only halfway past the first tier and was now nearly double that.
*Who?* Hawks thought in complete disbelief and wondering who in the world would donate so much.
"Well, it seems we'll have to pause on the question folks, cause we have a few songs to sing." Mic said dodging addressing the rant Hawks just gave to pull up the song they were supposed to sing.
By the end of the two hours Hawks found himself rather drained and he slumped in the chair.
"Hey Kiddo, you did great, here take some." Mic said after he returned from the break room with another pair of water bottles and Hawks gratefully took one, guzzling the first half of it then wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Thanks, and I'm sorry about how... charged the other half of the stream got after my rant." Hawks apologized rubbing the back of his neck.
More than one person had tried to argue with him over what he said about Zuri and how his quirklessness was a reason to fire him or that Zuri had no right to argue with a hero.
Mic huffed bemused and dismissively waved his hand "That? Nah don't sweat it. Honestly it was nice to hear someone else go to bat for him." Mic replied before leaning forward on his elbows.
"Don't tell anyone I said this but you're Midoriya's second favorite hero, so I think what you said really means a lot to him, I can't imagine how amazing it would be to have one of my heroes say they supported me personally in such a public way and even went on to defend me." Mic said and Hawks heart leapt hearing that.
"I'm in his top three?" Hawks couldn't help asking, butterflies fluttering in his abdomen since he knew how critical Zuri was of heroes and being elated by the news even as Mic laughed.
"Yeah, and that's way more of an honor than you would know." Mic answered and Hawks didn't correct him, instead hoping that he was still in Zuri's top three despite how cold he had been to the boy.
Suddenly Mic's eyes went wide and for a brief second Hawks feared he said that out loud until Mic dug around in his pocket.
"Oh, right. Here, I managed to corral Eraser into signing this and have been meaning to get this to you, but my schedule's been packed lately." Mic told him and offered him a piece of folding paper.
Hawks' eyes shot open, and he immediately unfolded it to examine the paper. It was a blurry photo of Eraserhead from the day he caught a ride on him to the mall, and in the corner was a scratchy signature of Eraserhead.
"This is fantastic Mic, Zuri will love it." Hawks told the man beaming at him.
Zuri would lose his mind if he gave it to him and if Hawks had his wings they would be fluttering from how happy he was.
But he wouldn't be able to give it to Zuri until Tuesday and that was way too long to go without seeing Zuri in person and knowing things were fixed between them, but how could he make up a way to see him without being suspicious?
It wasn't like he could just go strolling up to U.A-
"Hey this might be short notice, but do you need someone to help you commentate on the sports festival?" Hawks asked sitting on the edge of his seat.