Content warning for self-harm.
Damian knew that he wasn't allowed to spar with Richard. Richard had made it very clear that he wouldn't be sparring with anyone until he was sure he had himself under control, and Father had quietly backed the statement. It had something to do with the sparring session the two of them had had the other day, the one that had led to Richard leaving the Cave looking white-faced and drained and Father trying not to wince every time he used his arms that day. Damian still didn't quite know what had happened, but he could tell it had been bad. It made sense. He knew well how difficult it could be to unlearn fatal instincts. Richard had helped him with that when he first started out as Robin.
Damian knew he wasn't allowed to spar with Richard, but perhaps he could still help him back.
He descended into the Cave while he knew Richard was intending to train, sticking to the shadows at the top of the staircase until he assessed the situation. He'd see what mood Richard appeared to be in, and then he'd decide how to offer his assistance. He knew his brother would refuse to fight him, but perhaps they could train alongside each other, and perhaps Damian could offer some tips.
He watched as Richard went over to one of the weapon displays and surveyed the collection of knives. That seemed… strange, since Richard normally didn't fight with knives, but Damian stayed silent and watched. Perhaps he'd grown fond of knives with Deathstroke. Perhaps he simply wanted to see what their collection entailed. There were some very nice knives in there, Damian knew, some of them from his own personal collection.
The knife Richard finally selected was a fairly plain one with a blade about as long as Damian's forearm. Richard tested the blade against his finger and apparently found it satisfactory. It was strange to watch him slice his finger open with so little regard, but Damian knew it would heal almost immediately. Richard's new healing factor was astonishing to watch. Damian did wonder if it would encourage his martyr-like tendencies, but he'd always had those; at least the healing factor would mean that he wouldn't be as badly hurt by them.
Richard swung the knife once experimentally, then he twisted it into a reverse grip. He looked down at it for a moment, and then, in a movement so fast and so unexpected that it took Damian a moment to process that it actually happened, he stabbed himself in the gut.
"Richard!" Damian yelled in a panic, running down the stairs as quickly as he could. What was he doing, what was he doing, why would he-
Richard whirled around, pulling the bloody knife out of his stomach carelessly and holding it at the ready, then he saw Damian and relaxed.
"Hi, Dami. I didn't think you'd be down here."
"What are you doing?" Damian half-shrieked. "Why would you do that to yourself?"
Richard blinked and looked down at the bloody knife. "Oh. Uh, I was testing something."
"You were testing something by stabbing yourself?" Damian demanded. "I knew you could be an imbecile, but I hadn't realized you were this idiotic."
"It'll heal," Richard replied, sounding utterly unconcerned about the fact that he was still bleeding all over the training mats. "And I'm good at cleaning up blood."
"What sort of testing would require you to stab yourself?"
"I move slower when I'm healing," Richard explained. "It used to drive Deathstroke crazy. And I also healed more slowly than him. But since Bruce and Tim removed the shrapnel from my brain, I've been healing more quickly. I think it's about on par with how fast Deathstroke heals. So my theory is that, since my healing factor was always at least partially focused on the shrapnel in my head, that might be why it was slower. I was wondering if having the shrapnel out might also affect how quickly I move while I'm healing."
The whole thing sounded almost logical, except for the part where Richard had stabbed himself through the gut. "Have you spoken to Drake or Father about your testing?"
Richard looked a little shifty. "Not yet. I was going to talk to them once I'd gotten some results."
Damian had grown rather adept at figuring out what Richard wasn't saying, and here, he knew Richard was aware that Drake and Father would take his "testing" just as badly as Damian himself had and didn't intend to tell them until after he'd finished it.
"It's really fine, Dami," Richard added. "Look, I'm already healed." He pulled up his bloodied shirt to show that his torso, while also bloodied, no longer had any evidence of a stab wound. "I was just going to run a couple of tests to see if there's any change now. It's not that bad. I've had worse."
"Did Deathstroke do things like this?" Damian demanded.
Richard's expression tightened. "It's really no big deal, Damian."
Damian took that to mean that the things Deathstroke had done were worse.
"If our positions were reversed, you would say it was a big deal."
"You don't have a healing factor, so it would be a big deal."
"Even if I did have a healing factor. You are still able to feel pain, and this sort of 'testing' is painful." Damian had never gone through testing exactly as Richard was describing, but he'd been trained in fighting while injured. You could do your best to push the pain away, but that didn't mean it wasn't there.
"It's different," Richard said stubbornly. "I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to keep you safe."
"And I am your Robin," Damian retorted, even though he hadn't technically been Richard's Robin for a while. "It is a Robin's job to protect their Batman."
Richard looked at him for a long moment, then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I upset you."
It wasn't an apology for what he'd done, merely for the fact that it had upset Damian. Damian hadn't expected anything different. Clearly, this "testing" was something Richard thought he had to do, as idiotic as that was. Damian wondered how many other tests Richard had been doing when he was alone in the Cave.
"Apology accepted, on the condition that you do not do it again," Damian said sternly.
Richard's mouth twisted. "I need to know how fast I can move, Damian. If we're in a fight-"
"There are other ways to determine your speed," Damian replied. "Ways that do not include sneaking away and stabbing yourself."
"Okay, when you put it like that, it does sound bad, but it's not like the stabbing will do any permanent damage."
Perhaps that was true, but Damian had the feeling that every injury Richard was able to shrug off was simply adding to his usual martyr tendencies. Richard had always been willing to throw himself in front of a bullet for any of his family, and now that he could do it without having to worry too much about the consequences, Damian was fairly certain he'd be even worse. Richard had never had much of a sense of his own limits, not when it came to protecting others.
"How about I promise not to do it on my own?" Richard offered. "I'll talk to Tim or something and figure out a way to test it."
"Acceptable," Damian allowed. His somewhat tenuous truce with Drake from the six months without Richard was still there, perhaps even a bit stronger now than it had been. And he knew that Drake cared for Richard and wouldn't let him hurt himself. Damian supposed he could be trusted for this.
"Okay," Richard said, nodding. He hesitated a moment, then asked, "Do you want to go get ice cream from your favorite place?" For a moment so brief Damian wasn't convinced he hadn't imagined it, Richard's eyes were terrifyingly blank, then he added, "Is it still Marty's?"
"It is," Damian agreed slowly. "And yes, you may take me there."
Richard grinned at him, and it was the same smile as ever. "Great. Give me ten minutes to clean up down here, and then we can head out, okay?"
"I will inform Pennyworth," Damian agreed.
Richard reached out and tousled Damian's hair, and Damian was too startled to move back in time. He admitted, if only to himself, that he wouldn't have moved away anyway.
"You're a good kid, Dami. Maybe even the best."
"We are the best," Damian said firmly.
Richard's eyes sparkled. "You're right. We are."