Heads up - there was no good place for me to split this chapter so its a bit longer than the others, but enjoy the extra dramaaaaa

Content warning for this chapter, we will be dealing with a fear of needles. Hopefully it's not too bad, but if any of you are affected by a fear of needles, please take extra care when reading this chapter (and look after yourself if you need to!)

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It was a dance between them. Damian tried to keep his distance so that he didn't act suspicious while he tried to put the clues together, while Anya tried to get closer so that she could figure out what he knew, and what he was thinking.

Immediately after they had gotten changed back into their uniforms, Anya rushed to catch him out after class, maybe to thank him for his support, or for cheering her on, but as she neared closer to him, Damian panicked and turned away from her, instead leaning into a conversation with George Glooman that she could tell he wasn't really interested in.

It hurt more than she thought it would, but no matter. She would just try again.

At lunch, Anya made her way over to sit with him and the other boys, when Damian stood up suddenly and announced he would eat in the library. Anya stared after Damian's hunched figure while Emile and Ewen tried to apologise on his behalf.

At the end of the day, Anya tried to get his attention again, but Damian had ignored her once more and headed straight towards the Cecile Hall boys' dormitory, ensuring that she couldn't follow him.

"Did you and your boyfriend break up?" said a thin voice behind her.

Anya growled at Adrian. "He's not my boyfriend, and I'll have you know that we are fine."

She expected Adrian to back away - he seemed like the meek type after all, but he frowned in a way that showed that he was genuinely confused. "But you… you showed all the social cues…"

He spoke softly, as if he was only thinking aloud, but then he looked up at her so quickly she thought he had snapped his neck. She took an involuntary step back.

"So what does it mean if a boy lets you hold his hand, studies with you, walks with you, and stares at you in class?"

Anya stared at him incredulously, and it took a full minute before her brain function returned to normal. "We're… we're friends!"

In quick succession, she recalled the times that she and Damian had acted like a couple, whether she realised it or not. The cinema. Meeting her at the bus stop. Walking her almost-kiss that felt like an age ago.

"No, that can't be right," Adrian continued, and Anya had never before wanted to run away from a conversation so much in her life.

He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space. She didn't even notice that he was shorter than her, and she gulped when he tilted his chin upwards to meet her eyes more forcefully.

"But you hold his arm like couples do, and you sit together, and you listen to each other with mutual respect. And you went on a date."

"How did you-" Anya steeled herself. "It wasn't a date! We're just friends! And it's none of your business!"

Anya grumbled to herself as he walked away, and hoped that he didn't hear any of her mutterings. She still didn't know what to make of him. He had very little social awareness, and, apparently very little thoughts if his empty mind was anything to go by.

But she didn't know what to do about that. It wasn't like she could tell anyone else, or confide in someone just to ask for their advice.

She was on her own.

You're a freak. Said a voice in the dark.

You've always been a freak. I never loved you, said Loid to Anya.

Anya cried, alone in the orphanage. I'm sorry papa! I'll be better, I swear!

You're not even worth loving, said Damian as he looked her up and down. Look at you. Think you can read my mind, huh? You're a monster. What kind of person thinks that's okay?

It's not my fault! It just happens -

We're better off without you, said Yor. I never agreed to be the mother of a witch.

Mama! Please! Don't go - I love you, please -

Her classmates stood around her, their arms outstretched and all pointing at her. Witch! Witch! Witch! They chanted.

Becky stepped out form the rest of the crowd and towered over Anya. I thought we were friends.

We are friends, I swear! I would never-

You lied to me this whole time. You're a freak, and a liar! I never want to see you again!

No, no, Becky, please -

Anya gasped awake as the alarm blared beside her, and she gently raised a hand to her cheek. Her entire face was sticky with sweat and tear tracks. She dragged the covers over head, and tried to hide from the world a little bit longer.

Just then, Bond nuzzled her door open, and came to rest his head on her chest. He borfed quietly at her, and huffed a warm breath towards her.

Anya sniffed. "Thanks for getting me up, Bond, you're such a good boy." Anya raised the covers from her face and gave him a scratch under his ear.

She sullenly dressed herself, and then headed to the table for breakfast, where Yor was preparing the plates. "I'll just have toast today Mama," said Anya. "I'm not that hungry."

"Oh, but isn't your vaccination today, dear? You should have something good to eat, to strengthen your immune system." Yor smiled as she presented Anya with what looked like a lovely omelette, almost as pretty as Papa's. "Go on, at least have some of the omelette with your toast. The protein will help you feel better!"

Anya eyed the omelette suspiciously, but it did smell good, so she gave in. "Okay, " she sighed and added it to her plate. "Thanks Mama."

Her mother's cooking had come on leaps and bounds in the last decade, and coupled with Yor's "fitness" training, Anya felt as though she was definitely getting the appropriate training regimen for an aspiring spy.

She ate quickly, then left for school.

Something pricked at her in the back of her mind…

What was vaccination day?

Her heart soared when she saw a familiar face at the bus stop.

Anya swung her back over her shoulder as she got up from her seat, and even though a part of her was still mad at Damian for ignoring her, she couldn't help but smile to see him there.

She met him with a raised eyebrow. "What happened to you not talking to me anymore?"

Damian reddened, and tried to hide his embarrassment behind an air of bravado. "I guess I couldn't stay away from you for long."

Her heart leaped without her permission and heat spread through her cheeks.

After a second, Damian processed what he had just said, and he cleared his throat in an effort to break the silence, before he might say something even more stupid. "Well, I mean I remembered that ignoring people is juvenile and immature, so…"

The spell broke, and Anya let herself laugh. "I forgot I did that! Wow, I can't believe we're only a few months into the school year…"

The two walked together, reminiscing about the time when Anya tried to ignore Damian, and it seemed to be the catalyst for them getting closer. She almost couldn't believe that so much had changed in that time.

Damian no longer stuttered around her, and he had carefully refrained from calling her 'stupid', 'shrimp', 'stubby legs' and 'dummy' for almost more than a month. He knew some things about her that she never thought she would tell anybody, and even though it stressed her out, and she questioned herself constantly, Anya wasn't entirely sure if she regretted it - although only time would tell.

When Anya and Damian got to the school gates, the class was abuzz with excitement.

"What's going on?" said Anya, letting go of Damian's arm.

Damian sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "You were sick on the last vaccination day, but people love it because it gets them out of class. Our class is going first, so we're missing History." Again. His thoughts resonated with disappointment.

Anya smiled sadly. "But you love History!"

"Pff, it's fine," said Damian with a wave of his hand, as though he was batting away the worries. "I'll catch up later." The way she said that was too cute, I can't let her distract me!

Anya smiled to herself - as if he had never been distracted by her!

The teens of Cecile Hall were grouped together by the teacher, and taken to the nurse's room to line up.

"It's weird that we're getting these through the school now," said George. "My parents said it's because of the new law that says that kids have to go to the school for their first contact with this kind of thing."

Damian shrugged. "Policies in countries change all the time. We should know that better than anyone."

"You'd know that because your Dad's a politician!" George added. "Are you going to be a politician as well?"

Damian grimaced, but tried to smooth his facial expression over, and look a bit more neutral. "I haven't decided yet," was all that he said.

George clearly heard the disinterest in Damian's voice, or maybe he got bored, because then he turned and decided to have a conversation with someone else.

Anya eyed Damian with a level of concern. "You won't follow your father's footsteps?"

Damian shrugged and avoided her eye contact. "I've thought about it but… I dunno. I think I still need a bit more time to decide. How do I know that it's what I want to do, and not just what my father wants me to do?"

Anya looked down and thought of her own Papa. She hadn't given any thought to being anything other than a spy, simply because that's what his job was, so it made sense for her to follow in his footsteps. But why did she want to follow that lifestyle? Did Damian have a point?

"I guess it's hard when you want to make your own difference in the world," said Anya thoughtfully. "But you've still got loads of time to decide!" She was reassuring herself as well as him, but there still hung a tension in the atmosphere that she couldn't quite parse.

She was about to change the subject when an announcement came through the speakers: "Cecile Hall, please line up outside of the nurses office for your vaccinations."

The students did as they were told and lined up in a semi-neat line - more like pairs so they could still talk to each other while they waited, although the line seemed to be moving faster than either Anya or Damian had anticipated, and they were jostled to the front in record time.

"Ugh," said Becky. "I hate getting my vaccinations. I'm not scared of needles anymore like I was when I was a kid, but, like, it's still my least favourite thing to do."

"Wait," said Anya. "Needles?"

She was at the front of the queue. Anya paled and turned to Damian. "Actually, can you go first? I just remembered, I need the bathroom…"

"Nice try," said Damian, and rolled his eyes. "If you try to skip it, they will just make another appointment for you to get it. Trust me, it's better to get it over and done with."

"Yeah," said George, behind them. "I skipped them in second year, and they would not stop sending letters home to my dad! He nearly grounded me for the amount of letters they wasted on me."

"Oh," said Anya, and thought of what would happen if a letter was sent home to her Papa. She couldn't face the disappointment on his face, or even worse, the nagging. Maybe it was better to get it over and done with….

The nurse poked her head out of the infirmary and smiled at Anya. "Come on dear, it's your turn next."

Anya gulped.

Damian took one glance at Anya's sickly pale face, and stepped forward. "Actually, I'll go first." Then, he turned to Anya. "Come in with me, it's not that bad."

Anya followed Damian to the nurses station, and Anya saw laid out on the table a collection of needles, swaps, plasters, and cotton buds. She sat in a chair next to Damian's while the nurse got everything ready.

"Okay," said the nurse. "I'm just going to swab your arm first, then give you the vaccination, and it should be fine. We ask that everyone remain seated for 15 minutes afterwards to keep yourselves safe. Are you allergic to plasters?"

Damian shook his head.

Anya watched in distant horror as the nurse said: "Sharp scratch," and the needle went into his skin, and Damian winced.

As she watched the nurse wipe away a bead of blood, and stick a plaster onto his arm, Anya felt something pricking at her in her mind. She had seen this before. Why did something about this feel so familiar?

"Alright, dear?" said the nurse kindly as she moved closer to Anya. "We're just going to do the same thing here, and it will only take a second, promise. If it's easier for you, I'm sure your boyfriend here wouldn't mind holding your hand?"

"He's not my boyfriend," said Anya, at the same time that Damian flushed and said "She's not my girlfriend!"

Both teens looked at each other, and looked away with a blush on their faces.

The nurse looked between the two, with a small smile frozen on her face. "Right…" she said, and cleared her throat. "I'm just going to get started, let me know if you need a little minute, okay?"

Anya watched the nurse swab her arm with a cold wipe, then draw the fluid from the vial, flick it, bringing the bubbles to the point of the needle.

Ice flooded her entire body as her vision hyper focused on the needle, centering her entire perspective on it

A man who called himself a doctor, looked down on Anya as he pulled another vial from the cupboard, and sucked the fluid inside into a needle that was the size of her own arm. "This won't hurt," he said. "Much."

She struggled against the binds that held her to the chair, and the wires rattled around her head. "No, please!" she cried out. "Nooooo!"

He slammed his hand on her forearm. "Stop your wriggling," he growled at her, but Anya's protests didn't subside. The needle pierced her skin, and she screamed.

Fire roared through her blood, burning its way through her, and burned straight into her brain. White light blinded her vision.

"Make it stop, please, please I'll do anything, please make it stop, I can't -"

She couldn't see, but she felt the tears running wet tracks down her cheeks.

"No, no, no no no no!"

She felt the horrific needle finally being pulled from her, but the fire in her blood and in her mind remained. Anya cried when she felt them tapping on the metal helmet that encircled her head, and held the wires in place, but every tap felt like a hammer through her skull.

"Now, for the next stage of the process-"

A distance scratching sound of pen on paper as the assistant took notes. It was the last thing Anya heard before pain blinded her once more. Stalactites of ice forced themselves into her mind, and she screamed again.

"Please, please stop! Please don't hurt me! Help! Somebody help!"

A hand grabbed her shoulder.

"Please, no, no, no, no -" Anya sobbed.

"It's okay! No-one's gonna hurt you, it's okay!"

"No! Stop! Please," Anya couldn't see through her tears. "Get away from me!" She pushed the figure away from her.

The straps of her chair faded away, and Anya suddenly felt the freedom in her ankles and wrists, and she bolted out of the door.

She didn't get far before another wave of pain flooded her, and Anya fell to her knees.

"No, no," she cried, as her chest heaved with sobs. "I can't… Not again…"

She heard footsteps behind her, and covered her ears with her hands as she rocked herself on the ground. "Just leave me alone…"

"I'm not leaving you," said a voice that Anya knew she recognised. "I know what it's like to feel scared, and out of control. So I'm gonna stay here with you until you feel better."

She felt the presence sit in front of her, and slowly, Anya allowed herself to open her eyes. Slowly, her mind pieced together the real world. She stared at the hem of Damian's Imperial Scholar's cloak.

"You shouldn't sit on the ground, it's gonna get dirty," she hiccuped as more tears flowed down her face. "Just leave me alone."

Out of the corner of her eye Anya saw Damian flinch, and then she felt a hand on her wrist. "Just keep taking deep breaths," he said gently. "Remember? You said it helps?"

Anya nodded, and sucked in a gasp of air. And let it out. And one by one, each breath slowly brought her back to herself. She flicked away the last of her tears with her finger.

The entire time, Damian sat with her and held her hand, waiting for her to come back to herself.

"I'm sorry," she croaked, and she was surprised by how sore her throat had become. "I don't know what happened. I just…"

And the things she had seen… What was that? The man who looked like a doctor, she felt she had seen him before, but she tried to remember what she had seen, and felt the memories slip away from her water. Suddenly his face in her mind was like a reflection on water - distorted, with ripples blurring it.

"Shh, it's okay," Damian whispered, and his thumb moved in gentle circles on her wrist. "Just take your time."

"Thank you for coming after me," Anya whispered. She wanted to tell him about the flashback, about what she had seen, but it felt locked inside her.

She had never told anyone about her past. Not even her Papa knew. At this point, she was so practised at lying, at believing that Papa had been her father for her whole life, that it felt like a secret she couldn't tell anyone.

This secret was like a boulder at the bottom of the ocean. Large and immovable, and yet dwarfed by everything around it. Looking for it was like swimming in a vast unknown, surrounded by sea monsters. It was something best left alone.

She felt her thoughts skirt that part of her past like a current in the ocean, leaving it untouched. And yet, at the same time, her past affected her present, in the same way that the boulder affected the current of the ocean in its own tiny way. It was so deep inside her, that dredging it up would be the hardest thing she would ever do. If she went to find it herself, she would surely drown.

So she didn't. Couldn't. Even though there were aspects of her past that haunted her dreams, she couldn't afford to linger on it. She knew in her bones that if people ever found out about her past, they would abandon her in a second.

If Yor ever found out, she would accuse Loid of lying. If Loid ever found out, he would take her back to the orphanage. She could just picture his excuse: You deserve a better life. But this was her better life - she was thrown away by four others, and the best thing she could do to preserve her good life was to keep her secret locked away forever.

If Becky or Damian ever found out that she had been a lab experiment, Anya had no idea how they would react, or how she would cope with that. Maybe she would be forced to run away from the shame of it, and run away from Berlint forever. Or maybe she would throw away her life, in an effort to run away from the pain, and the knowledge that someone else knew about her terrible secret.

It wasn't even a choice. She had to keep it a secret, if she wanted to continue her life as it was.

She felt Damian squeeze her hand, and suddenly Anya crashed back into Eden, back into her own body. Anya could hear the concern in Damian's heart as he watched her come back to herself.

She looked so scared, I just hope she's okay…

Anya returned his squeeze with a shuddering sigh. This boy. He really cared about her.

Once she had adjusted to her surroundings, Anya realised that they were in a different area of the school, quite far away from the nurses office.

"Hey," she said, looking around her. "Where are we? What happened? How did we get here?"

"Uh, well, you-"

"There you are!" came Becky's voice from the side, and both Anya and Damian turned to see Becky rounding the corner of the building. "Anya - are you okay? I've been looking for you absolutely everywhere! Please tell me Damian isn't bumming you out or being mean to you?"

"Oi!" Damian snapped. "I'll have you know I actually am trying to comfort her!"

"Oh well done lover boy," Becky drawled with a smirk. "But now it's time for the best friend! Move aside!"

Damian flushed at the 'lover boy' comment, but he did let go of Anya's hand, and he shuffled over to make some room for Becky to sit with them. Becky lowered herself to the ground, not quite sitting, next to Anya, and hesitated when she noticed Anya's red and swollen eyes.

"I'm glad you're okay," Becky breathed after a while. "But the class is really worried about you, you just bolted out of the infirmary and ran away, and then we all saw Damian chasing after you! It makes a girl wonder what on earth happened!"

"Nothing happened, Blackbell, you little-"

"Oh lighten up Desmond, I was only trying to make a joke! Anyway, there's a whole bunch of people back there who want to know if Anya's okay. What do you think?" Becky rattled off her words and turned to Anya. "Are you ready to walk back?"

"Uh," Anya played with her fingers. "I'm not sure."

Which was the truth. She felt a little shaken, and a little weak, as if all the energy had leaked from her body. Becky gave Anya a once-over and seemed to agree with a nod.

"Let's take a walk in the gardens then, it's a beautiful sunny day and we can have a look at all the flowers until you feel better!"

Anya brightened momentarily, then shrank back as another thought came to her. "Is that allowed? Can we do that?"

"Who cares," Becky shrugged. "I bet if Henderson sees us walking about, he probably wouldn't stop us," and she winked.

"Well," said Damian as he got up from the ground. "Let's go then." He brushed off the dirt from his clothes, and then he held his hand out to anya to help her up.

"Aw but you've had Anya to yourself this whole time!" Becky pouted. "I want a turn!"

Anya looked between the two feuding friends, sensing that she would have to step in otherwise there wouldn't be any resolution. "It'd be nice for us to go together," said Anya quietly.

"What a great idea!" exclaimed Becky without missing a bea, and shot up to her feet. "Let's all go as a three then!"

Damian felt like he had whiplash. "But you just said-"

"Shh! New idea! Let's all go for a walk, just the three of us!" Becky exclaimed brightly.

Damian rolled his eyes, and Anya giggled. There was something about the two of them interacting in this way that made her feel like things were normal. They had bickered ever since they were kids, and something about that made Anya feel like everything was as it should be.

They descended down the stone stairs of the school, and stepped out onto the grass, still glistening with morning dew.

Becky inhaled a deep breath, and gasped aloud. "Wow! Can you smell that! What a fresh and beautiful day! Here, Anya come and have a look at this -" and Becky grabbed Anya's hand, dragging her into the garden behind her.

Damian sighed. Becky's exuberance exhausted him, but it was nice to see Becky making an effort to cheer Anya up. He felt a pang of jealousy, as he thought about what he and Anya had been talking about. He wanted to comfort her, but so far, he hadn't quite yet learned how to cheer Anya up the way that Becky could.

And then Damian felt a snap in his brain, like an elastic band pinging back on itself.

What was he doing? Wasn't he trying to get a bit of distance from Anya while he tried to figure things out? Like why she knew how to use a gun?

He hadn't forgotten his theory that she was a spy, but as Damian watched Anya smell flowers with Becky and smiling, he started to wonder if he was wrong after all.

There was no way that a spy would react like that in a school, and run away, and act as vulnerable as she did. Anya was fearless, but if something like that was enough to make her panic, then it was enough to make him question everything.

And, if he was being completely honest with himself (which was a rare occurrence), he didn't want her to be a spy. It was just another barrier between him and happiness. It complicated things too much, and things with Anya were complicated enough as it was. Maybe it was time to let go of his suspicion, and let himself enjoy her company, and maybe even let himself enjoy actually being friends with her.

Maybe she's not a spy after all then…

Anya's head snapped up with surprise.

Damian jumped, and looked behind him. Did she hear something, or what?

Anya tried not to panic. It was such a lovely thing for Becky to suggest that they go for a walk together in the gardens, and it was so nice to have Damian tag along for a little bit, but what was with his last thought?

Maybe she's not a spy after all…

That meant that there was a point that he did think she was a spy. He suspected her. Anya felt like the blood in her veins had frozen, and she struggled to listen to Becky as she chattered on, still full steam ahead on her mission to try to cheer Anya up.

He suspected her of being a spy.

Anya gulped, and plastered a fake smile on her face. She had to pretend that she didn't hear that. She had to make sure that things continued as usual, with or without his suspicion. If he knew that she knew that he suspected that she was a spy, she couldn't be sure how he would react to that, and that could threaten her entire career as an aspiring spy without ever having gone on a real mission.

It could threaten Operation Strix. It could threaten her Papa's ability to complete his mission, and if he couldn't do that, then their entire family could fall apart.

If Damian knew, it would threaten everything.

Anya forced a breath into her lungs as she realised she had completely stilled. She forced her limbs to move, like breaking out of a layer of ice.

"Becky, Damian, I'm ready to go back inside," she said weakly.

"Are you sure?!" said Becky with concern in her eyes. "We've still got loads of time. The class hasn't even finished up yet-"

"I'm sure," said Anya, with finality in her voice that it made Becky and Damian glance at each other warily. "Let's go back."

"O-okay," Becky stammered, but just as soon as the word was out, she smiled again. "Glad you're feeling better, Anya-chan! Let's go and show Henderson you're okay, and then you can-"

"I am not going to get my vaccination," said Anya firmly.

It stopped Becky and Damian in their tracks. "But it's part of the school program!" Damian started to protest. "Besides they'll just send a letter to your parents-"

"I can't do it," Anya said tightly. "I know it's important, and believe me I want to get it like everyone else, but I just can't." Her voice broke on the last word, and it made Damian's heart hurt for her.

What he had just witnessed was no joke. He had never seen Anya act like that, ever. He knew that she was so fearless when it came to other things - like when she had rescued him, without a trace of fear in her voice - but perhaps it was overdue for something like this to be hard for her.

Damian nodded, cutting off Becky's protests. "I'm sure you can work it out," he said gently. Then, to Becky, he added: "Let's go. We can study while we wait for the next period."

"R-right," Becky stammered, and then shook off her lingering doubt. "To the library!"

While they were talking in the courtyard, Anya couldn't help but feel like she was being watched. Ice prickled against the back of her neck, and although she had tried to turn and see if anyone was there, there wasn't a shadow or a figure to be found.

She turned back into the school with Damian and Becky.

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I'm super proud of Damian. He thinks the love of his life is a spy and he is STILL THERE FOR HER because hes a massive softie with a big heart 3

I intentionally made the flashback scene a little confusing. I know most people italicise memories or flashbacks to separate them from the rest of the text and make it a distinct scene. I made a conscious choice NOT to do this because I wanted to show how integrated her flashback was into her surroundings, and show the reader that distinguishing between the past and present can be extremely difficult in that state. Thoughts and constuctive criticism is always welcome though!

Well done if you made it this far! I know there was a lot happening!