"You okay," Allison's roommate asked.
"No," Allison admitted.
"Missing your boyfriend,' the woman asked.
"Husband and daughter," Allison replied, "this is going to be a long month. You?"
"I'm single," she replied, "leaving your child how are you doing it?"
"I'm not," Allison said, "she's 6 and in first, she started a month ago. Everly and Asher will face time in a few minutes but I just want to hold her and read her story before bed and go to swimming and piano lessons. I wasn't expecting to have my rural rotation so early in clinical rotations."
"Six ," the woman said, "you said you're 24."
"I was 18," Allison said, "I couldn't imagine life without her or Asher."
"And Asher is your daughter's father," the woman said.
"Yes my high school sweetheart," Allison smiled, "we've been together since we were 17."
"So travelling," the woman asked.
"Taylor I don't know," Allison said, "we did Europe a few years back with my parents and my sister's family. We were together. I've spent maybe 10 nights away from Ev since she was born. My husband works out of town for a month at a time a couple times a year but Everly isn't used to me being away."
"Its a month," Taylor said.
"I've just ever been away from her," Allison complained, "a couple nights here and there but that was when Ash proposed and we went on an overnight camping trip the two of us, our wedding night and when my parents have taken Ev for a couple nights as a special treat."
"How's your family with your daughter," Taylor asked.
"Great," Allison said, "she misses my brother but he's in Texas for med school. You might know him."
"We don't have anyone named Blouin," Taylor replied.
"Blouin is my married name," Allison said, "Leo uses Altman-Hunt."
"Leo," Taylor smiled, "he's great."
"Really he's my brother we're 11 months apart," Allison said, "I know all."
"His stage 5 clinger girlfriend," Taylor replied.
"I want him to dump her," Allison admitted, "I liked her at first but something doesn't sit right with me."
"You too," Taylor asked, "Leo and I are friends but I couldn't stand Charlotte."
"She's fabulous with my daughter," Allison replied, "and she has her good qualities but shes not right for him."
"You said it," Taylor laughed.
"Our older sister says brothers have to spend time with the wrong girl to find the right one and they're slow learners," Allison replied.
"You have an older sister," Taylor asked.
"Half," Allison replied, "mom's side. Dr Grace Altman."
"That's why Leo got excited when she came to teach last week," Taylor said.
"Yes," Allison replied, "he likes when our parents or Annie and her husband go teach."
"I've met his sister Grace," Taylor replied.
"Annie is the short form of her middle name," Allison replied.
At bedtime Everly threw another tantrum.
"Everly it's bedtime," Asher said, "you have school tomorrow."
"No," Ev argued.
"Yes, " Asher replied, "let's brush your teeth. We've done your stretches, you had a bath and grandma did your braids. You've had a bed time snack and your medicine. It's time to brush your teeth and I'll read until you fall asleep."
"But mom isn't home," Everly said, "she always says good night."
As if on cue Asher's phone rang, he saw the name and passed it to Everly, "you answer it it's mom."
"Mommy," Everly said, "when are you coming home?"
"Do you miss me already," Allison asked.
"Yes," Everly replied.
"What did you do today," Allison asked.
"Dad and I stayed and played in the pool after swimming," Everly replied, "and we went to Chipotle for lunch and I made cookies with Grandma, Grandpa and I took Charlie to the dog park."
"That's a busy day," Allison smiled, baking with Teddy or going to the dog park a block over with one of her grandparents were normal for Everly.
"Can you come home," Everly asked.
"No I can't Ev," Allison replied, "I miss you and dad too."
"Mom has to do this," Asher reminded, "we're just fine princess. We're going to miss mom and she's going to miss us but we'll be okay."
"It feels funny," Everly whined.
"It does," Allison agreed, "in two weeks you and dad come see me. We can do two weeks. Are you ready for bed?"
"No," Asher said, "she needs to brush her teeth."
"Ev run and brush your teeth then I can read to you," Allison suggested.
"How," Everly asked.
"I have our book on my ipad so I can read some nights and still have story time with you," Allison smiled.
Everly came back from brushing her teeth and Asher sat with her on her bed while Allison read aloud. Asher smiled as Allison said good night to Everly in french and told their daughter she loved her. He turned off the light and walked out of the room.
"So," Asher asked.
"My roommate goes to school with Leo," Allison replied, "tomorrow is the big day."
"You've got this babe," Asher assured, "Allie you're ready."
"How's Ev holding up," Allison asked.
"A few tantrums but not unexpected," Asher replied, "she has school and riding tomorrow she'll be fine. How are you?"
"Okay," Allison said, "it's weird. I've never been away from home this long and not being with you and Ev."
"It's time babe," Asher assured, "Allie go rock tomorrow. You're Allison Blouin you're so close to being a doctor go."
"I will," Allison replied, "are you okay?"
"I'm good," Asher said, "I didn't realise how much you do for Ev and I though."
"It's only day one," Allison replied, "her lunch?"
"Packed," Asher replied, "I followed your list of favourites on the fridge. I packed my lunch. I had to think about it. You always do all three."
"It's easier if I just do it all at once," Allison replied.
"When do you have to be up," Asher asked.
"5:30," Allison replied, "and we're an hour ahead so 4:30 normal time."
"And you've driven all day," Asher replied, "go to bed babe."
"I don't know if I can," Allison replied, "I'm in a hotel for a month."
"You can love," Asher assured, "you're fine. You stole a few of my shirts so go use one for pyjamas and go to bed. We can text until you fall asleep."
"I love you," Allison said.
"I love you too," Asher replied, "now go get ready for bed and text me. You have to be exhausted and I know I was late getting Ev to bed."
"8:30 at home," Allison said, "9:30 here."
"Go to bed," Asher said.
"I am," Allison replied, "I love you Ash."
"I love you more," Asher said before hanging up.
Allison got ready for bed and lay staring at the ceiling.
"How long have you been married," Taylor asked in the darkness.
"Two years," Allison replied.
"Your daughter is six though," Taylor replied.
"Our senior year of highschool," Allison admitted, "she was born in May and we graduated in June."
"How old were you," Taylor asked.
"We were 18 when she was born," Allison replied.
"So 17 when you conceived," Taylor said.
"Yes and terrified," Allison replied, "the email said the town is dealing with a string of teen pregnancies. I'm curious why."
"But you," Taylor said.
"I was drunk," Allison admitted, "so was Ash. we know if we were sober that night we wouldn't have Everly but being a family was our choice and a choice we keep making."
"What about your parents," Taylor asked.
"Shocked but supportive," Allison replied, "my mom was only 21 when she had my big sister so she got it and Annie is a doctor so is mom. I think that Annie had 4 kids by the time Ev existed helped, it wasn't the first grandchild."
"Leo," Taylor asked.
"Wanted to kill Asher," Allison replied, "then it took a couple months for Ev to grow on him. New borns aren't exciting. He warmed up once she started interacting. He's her favourite uncle. Annie's husband is well liked by Ev, Ash's brothers Ev doesn't have much to do with, Mitch yes but even then she's not a big fan. But uncle Leo, Ash and I don't exist if Uncle Leo is around, day trips, outings, adventures, junkfood, it's fun uncle Leo."
"She likes it," Taylor said.
"They both do," Allison said, "he's a good guy."
"He is," Taylor agreed, "if only he was single."
"I like you already," Allison laughed, "I'll keep working on him to dump Charlotte."
"Allison," Taylor laughed.
"It's Allie," Allison replied, "only my parents or in-laws call me Allison, friends don't."
"This is doable in a relationship," Taylor asked.
"College and med school have been," Allison replied, "this being away is going to be hard. I've never been away from home like this. Ash and I are in my parent's basement and being away from Ev is hard. Her first two years I had to carry her everywhere. She didn't walk until she was almost two."
"Is she okay," Taylor asked.
"She's doing great," Allison replied, "she has spastic cerebal palsy mainly affecting her legs."
"And you," Taylor asked.
"It's hell watching her struggle, worrying about physio and OT and adaptive activities," Allison replied, "her school has been a fight. But at the same time she's happy and determined and loves to play and do crafts. She likes to build with her legos and blocks. She loves stars and outer space. She's starting to swim with a team that accepts children with physical needs and loves it. She loves her therapeutic riding lesson every week, I don't know if it's riding or petting the pony but she loves it and it makes her happy."
"And you," Taylor asked.
"I'm me," Allison said, "Ash and I don't have a lot of time for us. But what about you? Boyfriend family?"
"Single and my family is scattered," Taylor said, "I'm the first to go to college."
"Congrats," Allison replied.
"What does your husband do," Taylor asked.
"He's an industrial electrician," Allison replied, "once I'm doing my residency he's going to start his project management diploma so he'll have that and his red seal."
"So hes the real deal then," Taylor said, "my dad calls himself an electrician but he only did one year of apprenticeship."
"Ash did his full apprenticeship," Allison replied, "part of the deal with living in the suite at my parents was we both had to be working towards a career and a certification. The rest of your family what do they do?"
"My sister floats from job to job," Taylor replied, "my brother does odd jobs. My mom calls herself a faith healer but its a bunch of BS if you ask me. Hippie crap with essential oils. We were crunchy. I wasn't vaccinated until college."
"Asher's family was similar, they only see doctors in extreme circumstances," Allison replied, "and he wasn't vaccinated until I was pregnant and he had to for Everly's sake."
"Is your daughter," Taylor asked.
"Yes," Allison replied, "Ev if fully up to date and on schedule even the optional ones. Why risk it?"
"In the community profile," Taylor said, "they have a really low vaccination rate."
"I know," Allison replied, "that's one of our tasks this month is vaccine education. I think we talk to the Juniors and Seniors at the high school. They're old enough to act is informed minors and give consent. The whole highschool could."
"And the teen mom topic," Taylor asked trying to tread carefully.
"Honesty," Allison replied, "I knew my options for protection. I wasn't in a relationship, wasn't planning on it. We didn't think. Had Ash and I already been dating I would have been more prepared. I also want to know how much the church is involved in sex ed."
"Probably a lot there's two churches and one doctor," Taylor replied.
"So we approach the school," Allison replied, "it's human biology it's not disgusting. Teach the science of it, stick to the science and don't go into the morals or our personal opinions."
"It's almost 10 where do you stand on the sleep front," Taylor asked.
"I'm a night owl," Allison admitted, "I usually go to bed around midnight and get up around 5:30. You?"
"11 is a firm bedtime for me," Taylor replied, "I get really grumpy if I don't sleep."
"That I'm used to," Allison laughed.
"Your daughter," Taylor guessed.
"And Asher," Allison replied, "he's up at 5:00 and goes to bed around 10."
"So you two," Taylor.
"Our relationship is good," Allison replied, "Taylor I don't talk about that side of our relationship with anyone other than Asher. My best friends don't even know."
"I was going to say you two must be really comfortable with each other," Taylor said, "I don't like talking about the intimate details of friends relationships because I'm always the single one. I like guys, really like them and go on dates but they don't seem to like me back."
"You remind me of my friend Ava," Allison said, "she's been my best friend since second grade, she's one of Ev's god parents, incredible person and she dates but no one has matched her level of awesomeness yet. Ava is brilliant and kind and fun and opinionated, and I think most guys our age are afraid of that. Its some pathetic alpha dog garbage. Most of the women in my class at UW are single and those of us that have someone were together before med school."
"It's not that," Taylor said, "I'm picky."
"You should be," Allison agreed.
"Were you," Taylor asked.
"No but we've grown up together," Allison replied, "it's different because of that. We've always had our daughter to think about. We're a family. I haven't dated, I've only ever been with Ash."
"Thats commitment," Taylor replied.
"It's our choice," Allison replied, "we made that choice together."
"You say together a lot," Taylor pointed out.
"We're a team," Allison said, "it only works when we work as a team. We have to be a team first. i think that's what some of my friends miss in relationships. They focus on the romantic side and the fun dates and all that but forget to be friends and work together first. We started in a different place and as friends. I've known him since middle school."
"Have you ever imagined," Taylor asked.
"Passing thoughts but never seriously," Allison replied, "what ifs hurt everyone. We live in the now and what is."
"So zen," Taylor teased.
"With a special needs kid you learn not to worry too much about the what could have beens," Allison replied, "I can't think about what if Ev had been born with out the cord on her neck, what if she didn't have hydrocephalus."
"Thats a heavy load," Taylor said, "how did you?"
"At first I didn't," Allison admitted, "but I learned to accept it eventually. I can't change her and I wouldn't want to. Have you ever thought of kids?"
"With the right guy," Taylor said, "but we have to be up early."
"5:30 is normal for me," Allison replied, "do you mind if I'm on my computer? Does light bother you?"
"Your lap top is fine," Taylor said.
"I've never had a roommate like this," Allison admitted, "I don't know what's expected."
"General human decency and don't hog the bathroom," Taylor replied.
"Food," Allison asked.
"I thought breakfast at the hotel in the morning and dinner we have the kitchenette," Taylor said, "do our own thing?"
"We could or I like to cook," Allison said, "I'm used to cooking."
"Where do you fall on the house work spectrum," Taylor asked.
"I have a six year old," Allison said, "I'm used to toys and stuff out. I can't stand dirt and grime. I vacuum a couple times a week, I wipe down the bathroom everyday or every other day and deep clean it once a week."
"So you're pickier than me," Taylor replied.
"I'm used to doing it," Allison replied, "my mom likes things spotless, I grew up with it."
"Strict parents," Taylor guessed.
"Yes," ALlison replied, "they're both veterans. Mom was chief of surgery at Grey Sloan for a long time."
"So you'll go there," Taylor asked.
"I'll go where I match," Allison replied, "have you thought of after? What will you specialise in?"
"Family medicine," Taylor replied, "I grew up in a small town with no doctor. I want to go home and help my hometown. I want to be the doctor the families feel safe with because I'm one of them."
"So this is what you want," Allison asked, "your calling?"
"I think so," Taylor replied, "you're specialty?"
"Orthopaedic surgery I hope," Allison replied, "maybe peds ortho."
"Your daughter," Taylor replied.
"Yes," Allison smiled, "I wanted to text with Ash for a bit and you wanted to sleep."
"Good night," Taylor replied.
"Good night," Allison responded.
Allison laid in the unfamiliar bed she pulled Asher's shirt that she was using a pyjama top closer to her nose breathing in his smell. She tried to get comfortable in her bed but it was too big and too empty. She was unsure how to fall asleep alone in the unfamiliar place. When they went away Asher held her like he did most nights, she was used to falling asleep with his arms around her.
Allison, "I can't sleep."
Asher, "close your eyes."
Allison, "I'm alone, the bed smells funny and so does the room."
Asher, "bad or different?"
Allison, "different. And the bed is too big."
Asher, "I can't help you there?"
Allison, "I need you."
Asher, "I miss you too."
Allison, "it's cold and lonely. My roommate has the AC as low as it can go."
Asher, "you brought warmer PJs?"
Allison, "I have pants on and one of your shirts. I didn't bring any of my cute ones you like."
Asher, "my favourites?"
Allison, "at home. Those are for you and I alone."
Asher, "I like them."
Allison, "I know you do. I miss you. I miss your arms around me."
Asher, "I miss you in my arms. The way you snuggle against me with your butt against my…"
Allison, "I'm not sexting now."
Asher, "I wasn't trying to. But we can while your gone. That's always been interesting when I've been away."
Allison, "it has been. Soon my love. Did Ev fall asleep okay?"
Asher, "she fought sleep. She said her legs hurt."
Allison, "what did you do?"
Asher, "the rice bags on her legs under her blanket."
Allison, "sometimes she just wants me to sit with her and rub her back and play with her hair."
Asher, "I know. I offered she didn't want me to. You and Ev with your back rubs to fall asleep."
Allison, "you started it with me when I was pregnant. You would offer when I laid on your bed or I said I was tired."
Asher, "it's all I knew to do to connect with you. I was too young to know anymore."
Allison, "we both were. I liked it. It felt safe and loving. It still makes me feel loved and safe."
Asher, "I love you. Allie, I love you, you are safe go to sleep."
Allison, "I love you too."
Asher, "good night babe."
Allison, "good night my love."