Hecksing Ultimate Chronicles
Chapter 10: Rescue
Beginning AN:
Ah shit, I had been working on this over the last few days, but I forgot about it for a good chunk of the day it was actually supposed to come out. Sorry. So yeah, this is even more rushed than Chapter 9.
"Well it looks like I'm stuck fighting the Captain and you." Said Seras.
"What do you mean 'and me?'" Rip replied. "I don't have any interest in serving them."
"You're an escaped convict."
"I was a kidnapped convict. Of course, I would want to break out, but I knew I had no chance."
"But are you going to attack me?"
"Right now, as much as I hate it, you are my 'ally.' The Captain... my old friend... is our mutual enemy now."
"AROO?" Captain asked, pointing at himself and looking at the camera, sounding like Scooby Doo. "ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT... ME?!"
"Yes." Rip bluntly said. "Captain, I am sorry. We do go back. But I need to do this."
"BUT WHY?"
Rip flinched. Like she wasn't expecting him to say that...? Was it because it was surprisingly smart coming from him?
But Seras broke both of their concentrations by taking the first shot! She fired a bullet at the Captain which exploded, and the Captain jumped back!
"Well then. Rip, I guess you're truly working under Hecksing now. In that case... it's time to get a lot more serious..."
"No, wait, Captain, this wasn't what I-" Rip began.
Then the Captain turned in to his full wolf form! He transformed in to a giant gray dog thing!
"NOW HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SILVER RIP, THAT IS MY WEAKNESS, AND UNLIKE YOU THAT WASN'T A LIE!"
"Oh. I have silver!" Cheered Seras.
And then Seras switched from her vampire bullets to her silver bullets and fired at the Captain, which shot him. He turned back in to his human form afterwards and looked at the blood on his woundw ith a frown.
"RIP HOW COULD YOU? OH WAIT, I GUESS I COULD UNDERSTAND. WELL, I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!"
"Captain, wait, no! I didn't do anything! This was all Seras' work!"
And then the Captain died.
Rip rushed over to him and tried to eat him in a panic to familiarize him. But unfortunately, some white flash happened on her body and she screamed out, dropping him. This white flash also caused a burst of holy energy, which consumed the Captain's body, making him unable to be familiarized sadly.
Rip turned to Seras and her eyes turned red. While the white part of her eyes turned black. She growled as what looked like a lot of mouths and stuff opened up on her body, but then in another white flash, Rip screamed in pain and then fell down.
After getting up, Rip said, "I can tell that neither of us can kill each other. Let's just... find Walter. He's our next common enemy. Our real common enemy."
Seras shrugged. "So you still have the durability thing you had before, just that you can't go offense and use your Alucard powers?"
"It seems that way."
"Well, I need to save Integra, she's being hunted down by the law! An unjust law!"
Pip was chasing Walter through Brazil, who was flying.
"Go away." Walter said.
Pip ignored this.
"DAMN this is some Deja Vu, like when we were first at Brazil chasing down the Millennium. But this time, there's no Alucard ass in a swimsuit to distract me!"
Walter growled. He really wanted to go to the Millennium, and he just didn't like the idea of Schrodinger teleporting him since it might mess up his atoms! Especially since he's an angel, and those are weird biology to Schrodinger and his teleportation powers.
Eventually Pip shot him. In the ass.
"OW!" Shouted Walter. "PIP I THOUGHT WE CONFISCATED YOUR WEAPONS!"
"WELL I SWALLOWED A GUN!"
"BUT YOU ARE A VAMPIRE NOW, HOW AND WHY WAS THAT A VICTORY OVER ME AND HOW DIDN'T CAPTAIN SCAN IT ANYWAY?!"
"The Captain can scan people?"
"Well sniff."
Anyway, Pip roared and charged, and pulled a vampire leap after Walter, jumping at him! Then he summoned familiars, and grew each of the six Body Parts of Seras that he ate, which assembled a full army of Serases! Just like how Upper Pip and Lower Pip were nude in that regard, the whole group was naked.
Anyway Walter just unleashed a holy blast at them and laughed.
"I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH NOW! IN ADDITION TO MY CHAKRA STRINGS I HAVE ANGEL POWERS! I'M FUCKING INVINCIBLE!" He cheered.
And then he was ran over by a car. It was driven by Crimmy!
"Hey Pip!" She said, waving at Pip.
"OH THANK SATAN YOU'RE HERE!" Pip replied. "Er, is that right?"
"Well I call out tto Leviathan actually, so I cna't judge, but I think that's what Hecksing does so that's okay."
"Okay is Walter dead now?"
"Well yes, my car is packed with anti-angel and anti-demon weapons. Even with his blood upgrade, I got him. And while angels can revive themselves, it's only once. When Seras shot him. Anyway, mermaids can't eat and familiarize people like vammpires unless they're vampire mermaids, so you can have that."
"Okay! I mean he took out my Seras army thing... bastard..."
And then Pip walked over and ate Walter. He didn't know how to turn in to a giant mouth yet so he just ate the regular way. Like a dining table.
"Anyway now that I've saved you, I should check back with Integra. I thought this would be a thousand woman job... turns out it was just one. Or, maybe a one man job, you... probably could have handled him?"
"Saying it's a one man job and not a one thousand woman job sounds incredibly sexist." Pip said. "It sounds like I'm a thousand times better than you."
"Well I didn't say it that way."
"Oh. Sorry I misunderstood."
"A thousand of you would probably be on the level of one of me, you got that backwards in fact."
"Yeah haha.""
"Hahahha."
...
"You're a lot nicer than Integra why couldn't you be the leader of the British while the India sector was lead by Integra? I already like you more than her. Even if your nudity is kind of weird."
"Well, first of all, India has more water than the UK. Seawater. It's next to the ocean. In fact, it's called the Indian Ocean for a reason."
"I thought it was the Southern Oucean."
"Er. Uh. I mean. It's still connected to India. Second of all, Integra's Heck clan is a loyal part of the British defenses, protecting the United Kingdoms of London. It's a generational thing. And unfortunately for you, you got a hardass for your generation. Don't worry though, Integra may die of old age since she's racist against vampires and thinks becoming one would turn her in to a monster, and hopefully her descendant will be nicer to you, given that you're immortal now and working under her."
"...I don't like the thought of Integra reproducing."
"Oh you should see her in bed trust me that'll change your mind. Anyway, three, having the dark-skinned woman in the country that the majority is dark-skinned, while the bright red skinned woman is in Europe, kind of also has racist undertones don't you think?"
"Oh."
...
"So uh where are the other 999?"
"They're right behind me, see?"
She gestured behind her, and they eventually flew over to her, behind her.
"Wow that is a lot of naked women. Say, if you're going back to Integra, first of all, how did you get here, and second of all, can I have a ride?"
"Question 2: Yes. Question 1: We took the Wild Geese. The mech you had."
And then the mech fell from the sky because nobody was piloting it. The Fish Army was the ones piloting it, and they dropped from it.
"Alright!" Cheered Pip. "Well, let's go!"
"WAIT!" Shouted Seras, who flew over to him. Rip was tailing along behind her too.
"Ah, good to see you're alive Seras! And you have... the prisoner...?" Crimmy said.
"What? I was just here to get my revenge on Walter for peeving me off." Rip said. "Where is he?"
"Dead. I killed him."
"Well then. I came out here for nothing." Rip sulked.
Pip walked over to her and slapped her on the face.
"YOU KILL PEOPLE!" Pip shouted. "AND NOT IN SELF-DEFENSE LIKE WE DO! YOU ARE A MONSTER!"
Then Crimmy's phone rang!
"Hey, Integra! Hi sweetie, how's it going?" She asked.
"Bad!" Integra replied. "IT TURNS OUT LAWYER GUY IS A TERMINATOR 2!"
Lawyer guy laughed, he had liquid metal bars around the doors leading to the courthouse and no way out or in! He already killed that other guy, and was throwing liquid metal knife daggers out towards Integra, who tried to dodge with backflipping. Integra had shot at him multiple times, although this just had him burst out and reform. She eventually stopped realizing it was pointless, and needed to save her ammo for other shit. Like zombies.
"Oh no I've fought a Terminator 2 before WE NEED TO GET BACK TO LONDON IMMEDIATELY!" Crimmy shouted. "EVERYONE GET ON BOARD! Rip I guess that includes you, we're putting you under arrested."
The red mermaid then got out a pair of holy handcuffs and put them on Rip's arms, and she rolled her eyes.
So the Wild Geese Mech flew across yet again from Brazil to London and then to the courthouse. Just in time, Integra broke down the door with a powerful kick and managed to avoid getting stabbed in the back by the Lawyer Guy. She ran out. Lawyer Guy initially chased after her, but behind him he heard:
"ORDER ORDER!" The judge shouted, banging his gravel. "I WILL NOT HAVE LAWYERS KILLING PEOPLE!"
Lawyer Guy got peeved. "I KNOW YOU OUTRANK ME LEGALLY BUT I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I WILL NOT HAVE YOU RUINING MY FUN! I'LL LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T ARREST ME... IF YOU'RE DEAD!"
"THEN SOMEBODY ELSE WILL-" And then Lawyer Guy with blinding speed went up to the Judge and turned his arm in to a metal sword and cut off the judge's head off! He grinned evilly and turned back to Integra who was approaching the mech.
Meanwhile, Integra got on and the mech already floated high above at what was seemingly a safe distance.
"Okay, we can laser blast his ass." Said Integra. "And that should melt him. That's how you stop a Terminator 2."
But it was too late, Laywer Guy already sprouted metal wings and began to fly like a bird and was closing in at blinding speeds!
"OH SHIT FLY AWAY!" Shouted Pip.
Frederick (the Geese that's still alive) ran to the controls and was about to, but then Pip pushed over him and screamed "RAAWWRRRAGH AAAAG!" AAnd rushed his hands around, he basically fucked it up like Dee Dee does to Dexter's Laboratory, and the mech in the air rather than going away just started spinning around and moving out of control and it did the Fortnite default dance, and then because everyone hates Fortnite it cringed and said "Okay that's a terrible thing nevermind."
So Lawyer Guy landed on the foot and turned to liquid metal and began merging with the mech.
"Oh no WHAT IS LAWYER GUY DOING NOW?!" Integra asked.
She and everyone else looked at the monitors, and suddenly the screens were all replaced with Lawyer Guy laughing evilly.
"WHO ARE YOU EVEN?!" Intega asked. "ARE YOU WORKING FOR THE MILLENNIUM?"
"Those clowns? No! Do I look like a Nazi to you?!"
"Actually, the Millennium are- forget it." Rip began. "I don't even want to engage in this. I never lived through the events of the old Chapter 9, but when I received memories of them, it was more than enough. I'd like to not 'live through' this again."
"I AM AN AGENT OF THE TROLL EMPRESS!" And he had the logo of her, this white fork thing on a red backgruond, appear behind him!
And then Schrodinger appeared on the control panel! Right in front of the monitor! Lawyer Guy looked at him with a scowl.
"Who's this Writer's Barely Disguised Fetish?" Asked Lawyer Guy.
"I am Schrodinger! The quantum catboy! And I'm here for a message from the Major!"
He threw a hologram disc, and a hologram of the Leader appeared! Then Schrodinger teleported away before he could be shot again.
"Okay we have the royal blood we're now getting ready to start up something horrendus. Hee hee hee. The Ultimate Weapon will be ready in due time!"
"Shit, can we fly this thing to America even with the Millennium taking it over?" Asked Integra.
And then a bunch of towel-wearing Wild Geese ran out of the halls!
"We were showering in here, when the mermaids took it!" Said one of them.
So now all of Hecksing was reunited!
Anyway, sparks began to fly through as Lawyer Guy used his robot powers to enter a digital form and hack the mech, and start controlling it. But Integra slammed her fist on a button labelled OVERRIDE, and that managed to briefly fight back off against him. Long enough for Integra to grab the controls and start flying the mech, actviating the quick fire jets and fly even faster than Alucard's tank, may him rest in piece, to go over to the US!
"Where are they? Florida?" Asked Integra. "The Millennium being Florida Men and Women would make a lot of sense."
"The Grand Canyon." Said Rip.
"Oh, you're giving me information?"
"Yes. I want them dead."
But then just as they entered the Grand Canyon, Lawyer Guy took complete control and laughed "MWAH HA HA!" And got the mech to crash in the middle of it, in to the river!
"QUIMBY!" Shouted Seras.
"'...Quimby?'" Rip repeated. "I thought he was dead and back in the hideout."
"He's not dead! He had his blood drained and was dying! So I picked him up and stashed him in a vampire hammerspace to keep him locked in! But I know a way to save him..."
"Oh for fuck's sake." Integra rolled her eyes. "I mean, he's the president and Lawyer Guy damaged the equipment... go for it."
Seras bit Quimby.
Suddenly, Quimby un-paled and opened his eyes, refreshed and rejuiced.
"er a um, WOW I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAT I AM A VAMPIRE! er a um, THIS IS KICK ASS THANK YOU SERAS I'LL GIVE YOU THE KEY TO THE CITY!"
"Well you took this a lot better than I did." Seras said.
"er a um, BECAUSE I'M NOT A WIMP, I KNOW BEING A VAMPIRE WILL INCREASE MY SEX DRIVE. er a um, WAIT IT'S NOT LIKE TWLIGHT WHERE YOU CAN ONLY SHOOT YOUR THING ONCE AND-"
"No. No. This isn't like Twilight." Said Integra. "Nothing here is. In fact making fun of Twilight even is an old joke, I'm sick of hearing it."
Lawyer Guy on the screens cleared his throat. "Okay let's get back to me."
"Yes." Said Integra. "Let's."
She pressed another button. Labeled "SELF DESTRUCT." And a third button, saying "EJECT."
Lawyer Guy screamed "NOOOOO!" As the room all of Hecksing (and Rip and Quimby) were ejected, and shot out to a rock platform in the middle of the Grand Canyon river. Lawyer Guy was still inside and possessing the mech's main machine, so he was killed when the mech blew up.
"Well that was easy." Said Integra.
But then the ground shook, and out of the waters, a new machine rose! Even larger than the Wild Geese mecha, it looked like a giant spider thing, it had a red fire cannon, a yellow lightning cannon, a blue water cannon, a turquoise poison cannon, and... part of Alucard's tank merged in to it!
There were ten cockpits, but only three were filled. Schrodinger was in the one directly right of the center, and Doctor was left of center. But in the dead center was... THE LEADER, FINALLY NOT IN SHADOWS, AND REVEALED... AND HE IS... THE MAJOR!
"Hello there!" Major shouted evilly. "Jew have all stepped in to the awfulness of my final plan! Get ready fort the final battle, my Ultimate Weapon...
"The Titan Mecha!"
Closing AN:
Yeah... this is even shorter than the last chapter. Sorry. And I didn't look this over. I just kinda covered all the main story beats. A rewrite of this and Chapter 9 at the absolute least is gonna happen. Hopefully before Season 4 (coming this April), but honestly, it's not very likely. A rewrite of Chapter 7 is also possible. 8... 6... 5... I dunno. Maybe 4, too. Although I'm fine with Chapters 1-3.
Yeah though, I think it speaks volumes that the first three chapters are the only ones I'm fairly proud of.