My next clear memory was waking from a nightmare of Port Angeles with a scream. Something was smothering my face. It was dark, my chest hurt and I couldn't breathe. There were weird beeping and whooshing noises. I scrambled to get whatever it was off my face in a panic. Something was tying my hand. I tried to yank it away.
Ice cold hands grabbed my wrists gently but solidly to stop me and a soft tenor whispered, "Bella you're okay, calm down, it's an oxygen mask. Don't pull at the IV. You're okay."
"Where am I? Who's there?" The hands disappeared then there was light. I was in a hospital room. "Edward?"
"Shh, I'm not supposed to be here. It's after visiting hours. It's two in the morning." Edward was wearing a green button up shirt. His copper coloured hair was mussed up. Mmm… busy elf.
"Why did you wait so long to go to the hospital? Carlisle said you didn't even show up when he was on shift. Your chart says you came in with a fever of a hundred and five Bella."
I bet those long fingers of his could wrap Christmas presents very quickly.
"Fell asleep at school?" I couldn't breath and coughed until the festive lights adorning the tree by my bed were twinkling red instead of green and the room danced while chimes rang.
Edward materialised at my side holding me up at a very deliberate slightly awkward angle and gently patting my back. He pushed some random buttons I think but disappeared when a fuzzy swarm of doctors and nurses urgently swooped into the room, fussed a bunch then fluttered away.
"Edward, are you still here?" I asked in a nervous whisper, when the room was empty again and I finally felt like breathing wasn't something that required 100 percent of my attention. Everyone knows Edward sparkles when the light hits him just right. He smells like Nana's fancy honey lavender shortbread cookies. I bet he eats cookies not blood when he's not in biology. Biology made me feel murderous too. No fangs, sparkles… He moves so fast he'd be able to deliver Christmas presents like lightning. I wonder if all the Christmas elves pretend to be vampires when it's not Christmas.
A cold hand slipped into mine. I don't know where he came from or where he went.
"Can you turn the bathroom light back on? A nurse turned it off. After last night or last, last night I don't want to be in a strange place in the dark."
The light clicked back on and he silently slipped back by my side.
After staring at him confused for a few long minutes I asked. "Do you know if the Chief caught the Creep? It wasn't such a bad walk home if that guy's in jail."
"You walked home?!" he asked. "Your house is… The bus… It's miles! You could barely walk to the nurses office."
"School was over, everyone had gone home. It seemed like a good idea at the time." I started to hum jingle bells absentmindedly.
"Why didn't the school call your father?"
I honestly couldn't remember. In the shadowy corner behind the visitor chair, a mouse in a tutu was dancing. I crawled half out of bed watching it.
"I would have driven you home," Edward whispered before looking over at the mouse then turning to give me a bit of a confused look. "If they couldn't get in touch with your father. You could have asked me to drive you home."
I struggled to focus back on Edward who didn't seem to think the dancing mouse wanted an audience, that or he was concerned I was going to fall out of bed. "You had a Spanish test. Do all the Christmas elves speak Spanish?"
It was at about then that his eyes took on a soft sort of defeated look. "Get some rest Bella, just focus on fighting this fever." He went back to staring at the Christmas tree.
"I think the Christmas tree is pretty too," I offered, trying to be friendly.
I didn't sleep much. I couldn't go five minutes without coughing which seemed to make Edward cringe but he kept the mouse fed with cookies and mostly he stared at the blinking Christmas lights on the tree beside my bed. The flocks of birds always scared him back into the chimney. Eventually I opened bleary eyes to see Dr. Cullen trying to usher his son out of the room.
"I shouldn't have left her with the school nurse. I thought they'd call her dad and he'd take her to the hospital. She keeps mistaking me for a Christmas elf and everytime a nurse or doctor comes, she gets upset about the feathers everywhere. She's delirious with fever and they let her walk home alone?"
"Son, this isn't your fault. She should have been in good hands with the school nurse. Chief Swan was ready to press charges against the school. Dr. Gerandy has filed a complaint with the health department."
"I should have taken her to the hospital after pulling her out of the bay," Edward revised.
Doctor Cullen just sighed.
Edward went back to explaining that because I was delirious half of the time and also, I talked in my sleep so it was dangerous to leave me alone.
The sleeping talking was not a Lexi thing. I had always known my night times were orchestrated. I burned in ever increasing flames of pain when I didn't act like some external force wanted and the world rearranged itself when I slept. Scripted sleep talking was to be expected. Would I burn now when nothing that was happening had happened in the books? I'd do what I could to protect Edward and Charlie. That meant if Edward thought I needed help keeping the secret right now I'd support him. No one must know about Santa.
"I don't want to be dangerous. I… I'll talk to my dad and get him to change it so your dad is my doctor and then if I take another ride on the trippy town express he can do whatever so I keep quiet?" I suggested. "Would that work?"
Doctor Cullen nodded and gave Edward an encouraging smile.
"So you can go back to the North Pole and Santa won't worry."
Edward closed his eyes as if he was in pain. I think he was really worried he was going to get in trouble with Santa.
I coughed until I blacked out again and when I woke they were gone and Charlie was there with a smile. Charlie had brought me a bag of things from the dollar store. The girl on dispatch down at the station had helped him put the Christmas gift together. It contained coloured pencils, some mechanical pencils that sparkled, a calming garden adult colouring book, a notebook with a cat on it, lip balm, hand cream, origami paper, a new red light up toothbrush, hair scrunchies and a sudoku book.
"Thanks Dad. I'll be 'not bored' forever."
"Feel better Bells. Love you so much."
He couldn't stay long but I didn't forget to make sure Dr. Cullen was made officially my doctor. When Charlie left he came to talk to me.
"Bella, your fever is very high, your oxygen levels keep dropping far too low and you're overtired but you can't sleep long enough to get real rest without coughing. Even though I'm sure it seems to you as if everything you're saying and doing makes sense it isn't quite so. My wife sometimes volunteers to help out at the hospital. I've called her. I thought she could sit with you. Do you understand why?" Dr. Cullen was sitting beside me, likely to try and make me comfortable rather than towering over me.
"Protect Edward," I answered exhaustedly.
"I know you know more than you should. What all did he tell you?" Dr. Cullen inquired. He looked concerned but not angry.
"Snitches get stitches. Ask him yourself," I answered feeling grouchy. My chest hurt and the room was spinning again.
The Christmas tree started chiming and blinking red lights again. He did that same thing Edward had done holding me up at that awkward angle, patting my back and pushing buttons on the Christmas tree. He didn't run away from the flocks of birds though. He ordered them around and they flapped about doing whatever he wanted. The feathers made me cough. Most everything he did was either horribly embarrassing for me or made my chest hurt and his hands were cold.
When I woke up next, a beautiful lady in a red dress with a slightly old-fashioned hairstyle was sitting next to me working on a computer. She smelled like gingerbread so I figured it must be Mrs. Claus, Edward's adoptive mom. Dr. Cullen said she was coming. She looked up and smiled.
"Hi, sorry for the bother. I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."
"You can call me Esme. It's a pleasure to meet you dear."
We didn't talk a lot. Talking made me cough and I tried not to talk at all when anyone but Dr. Cullen or Mrs. Claus was in the room. Apparently out of the Christmas season she went by Esme Cullen.
I picked up my note book and started filling in an arrangement of "Merry Christmas," Ed Sherran and Elton John because it was stuck in my head but sitting next to Mrs. Claus I thought maybe I should make a Christmas gift for Edward instead. Flipping to a new page I started writing out a new arrangement. One for piano and violin. The piano was messy and difficult but it really wasn't my specialty and I didn't have a keyboard to check that the cords were appropriate or the fingering was even possible. After writing out two songs I closed the book.
I folded an origami flower and gave it to Mrs. Claus. She showed me what she was working on. She's an architect and she had a contract for a home renovation and interior redesign she was working on.
"It's beautiful Mrs. C. How many people live in the house?"
"Oh a fair number, it's a busy house."
"Maybe add a feature to break up the echoes and cut down on the transfer of high frequencies between these spaces. Kitchens are noisy. The fridge will hum, the oven fan is loud. The stereo system they've picked out is pure audiophile extravagance." My first family was very music focused. Mom had all the furniture arranged for sound perfection. I'm pretty sure she didn't actually like the wall hanging in the living room. It dampened echoes.
"But what do you think of the styling and the traffic flow? The client wanted their kitchen to be the social hub of the house."
"I think Nan would have loved it. She had a passion for feeding people but often complained that whenever people were together she'd feel separated from all the guests if she spent too much time in the kitchen."
"Oh good. That inclusive feel was what I was going for. Maybe if I put a barn door on a track here it can slide out of the way if they want to open things up for social events but they can also create the acoustic isolation you were talking about."
"They were most interested in the kitchen weren't they and I just saw their stereo to the exclusion of all else. Good thing you're the professional and not me," I smiled sheepishly. "Have you ever moved house and when everything was empty just raced around making echoes in all the empty corners playing with the acoustics?"
"I haven't but Edward and Emmett do that every time we move," she answered.
An orderly brought lunch. Lunch was wrong. The nurse came and scolded me for not eating then she sicked Dr. Cullen on me. Dr. Cullen got frustrated with me and accused me of being difficult because I wouldn't tell the nurse what was wrong or answer any questions really. I stayed silent, frowning. After everyone was done scolding me and we were alone, I whispered to Mrs. Claus, "I remember the word vegetarian means something outside of the fact that I don't eat meat and that it's secret but I didn't want to make a mistake so I just stayed quiet."
"Oh honey," Esme exclaimed gently. "...and Carlisle was losing his temper and accusing you of being difficult."
"I, it was difficult," I stammered confused.
Mrs. C and me coloured together in the calming garden colouring book for a while. She had art markers in her portfolio that could blend and shade. We were almost done with a page when I had a coughing fit that set the room spinning. I blacked out for a bit. The beautiful page which had been shaded into an almost three dimensional masterpiece that had no right to be a part of any colouring book had a jagged green streak across it when I woke up. I put the colouring book away.
I explained to Mrs. C, that Edward liked the Christmas tree by my bed and had spent most of last night staring at it but that he was frowning so maybe it needed more lights or more decorations. Obviously I understood how important a Christmas tree was to a Christmas elf. We folded some origami decorations for it. Mrs. C promised to have Alice drop off a small string of lights to fix it up properly after school. Then she soothed a cool hand over my forehead and encouraged me to just rest. She looked sad and worried.
I woke to Alice quietly decorating the Christmas tree. "Thank you. That will cheer up Edward. He frowned at it all last night. I bet you always help Santa with the decorations don't you?" Alice smelt like citrus. Christmas elves smell amazing.
She laughed cheerfully. "It certainly brightens up the room. I'll have you know, I have a masters degree in Christmas decorations."
"What's Jasper's job then? I know Edward's in charge of cookies." I wonder what Jasper smells like. I couldn't seem to stop trembling.
Jasper, who was holding Alice's bags while she flitted about the room, rolled his eyes at me.
Alice grinned. "He's in charge of the reindeer. Rosalie takes care of the sleigh. Emmet's in charge of snowmen."
Edward came in and frowned at the tree.
Mrs. C. was collecting her things. "Oh don't be like that Edward, she worked on the tree for you for half of the afternoon or is there a light that won't light on one side? I'll see you tomorrow dear. Why don't you show Edward the gift you made him."
I gave Edward the sheet music I had arranged for him. "I don't think you will have heard either of these. "Try Everything" is by Shakira and "Anyone" is by Beiber. I know you aren't a fan of pop but songs are often transformed when played orchestrally. The lyrics are incomplete. I don't pay enough attention to lyrics to memorise them. I've probably done a botch job on the chording for the piano but I don't … It's not really my specialty. Christmas music seemed to bother you so I figured you might like something different." It was 2005 here. If Shakira and Beiber exist here they'll write these songs later. My head bobbed down in exhaustion.
Mrs. Claus smiled at me and gently stroked my cheek. Edward was frowning still, maybe he's not a Belieber, maybe Disney offended him I dunno. Oh rats… he's giving the Christmas tree sorrowful looks and poking it again.
"Night Mrs. C. Keep the elves out of mischief."
When Charlie came I gave the six pointed origami star box I'd made him. It wasn't my best Christmas gift but I didn't have a lot to work with. He passed me a pair of the disposable hand warmers. He bought them in packs of 20 and used them fishing and hunting. "What did you want these for, Bells? Are your hands cold?" he asked.
I wrapped them in some origami paper. When Dr. Cullen was next in the room, I thrust the small package at him with a grumpy, "Merry Christmas." I think I caught him off guard.
"Thank you?" he replied warily. He opened them to reveal the handwarmers.
Well, Jasper full on belly laughed until he was wiping his eyes and just quietly chuckling 'Cold hands, oh no… cold hands. No wonder she was giving you the wary glare of, ...of Stay away from me you monster!" For a moment everyone seemed to be trying hard to contain their mirth, even Edward.
"Bella!" scolded Charlie mortified.
I blushed embarrassed. It had seemed like a better idea earlier in the day.
A coughing fit sent the Christmas tree into a tizzy. Everyone got shooed away. Only Charlie was invited back when they finally got my breathing under control. Dr. Cullen said that there had been too many respiratory emergencies and the next step was assisted mechanical ventilation or there was too great a risk that the next respiratory emergency would result in brain damage or a cardiac episode.
I lived Covid America and had lost loved ones. Over a million deaths were hard to hide from. I understood that mechanical ventilation was a Hail Mary move. They put you to sleep. Half of the patients don't wake up.
"Charlie, we should call Renee." I wasn't as scared as I probably should have been. This wasn't my world. This world either wanted me or it didn't. It wasn't about the real probabilities of life and death. My day would reset however many times it took for the powers that be to get the results they wanted, be that my life or my death.
Charlie and Dr. Cullen talked for a while and details were explained. I said my "I love you's," to Charlie. I gave Renee an I love you too as a kindness though I'd never met her.
A terrible thought occurred to me. If Edward was actually face to face with the decision to turn me or let me die would he try to have me turned? I know in theory he believed turning imperilled the soul but in practice he'd eventually turned Bella. The days reset on an approximate twenty-four hour time clock, give or take a few hours depending on the content of a day. Changing into a vampire took a minimum of three days. I didn't want to spend an eternity repeatedly burning in the midst of changing when all possibilities of choices and actions were out of my control.
It was a terrifying thought. My heart rate skyrocketed up and my breath caught triggering my worst respiratory episode yet. Rather than sitting me up as was the norm, the bed was laid flat with all urgency. Charlie was quickly ordered out. I know Dr. Cullen was moving, grabbing tools and equipment, serious and focused. Alarms were going off but then I knew no more.