Chapter Six
Ruby blinked and violently shook her head to clear away the images that flashed through her mind as she made her way to her captain's office to hand in her final report for the day. The visions of fearful eyes and mouths frozen in a scream took a few moments to fade. "Get out of my head. You're not her, she is fine. And he won't hurt anyone again, I made sure of that. Just rest now and leave me in peace." She muttered to herself, ignoring the strange looks a few of the officers gave her as she passed by them. It had been three days since she had told Nora about how her last case had been troubling her, but it hadn't helped her as much as she had hoped it would.
"Heading home for the day, Detective Rose?" Glynda asked, waving Ruby into her office as the detective knocked on her door.
"Yeah, I'm out for the evening." She replied, doing her best to keep from wincing as another victim from her case flashed across her eyes. "Paperwork is already ready for you, Capt. Goodwitch."
"Could you step inside for a moment and close the door, Detective." The police captain said, nodding to the chair in front of her desk. "You've seemed distracted the last few days. What's on your mind, Ruby?"
"There's nothing on my mind, Ma'am." The silver-eyed woman replied with a short shrug of her shoulders and then winced slightly as another face flashed across her eyes. "Aside from dinner and home that is."
"I've known you since the day your mother brought you in here and let you crawl around the desks." Glynda said, her eyes narrowing slightly behind her glasses as she looked Ruby over. "You're still a terrible liar. Now, what is troubling you? I can't help if I don't know the details."
"I still can't get it out of my head. Even after venting to Nora." The detective replied after a few moments, her voice started to break with a mixture of guilt and anger as her nails dug into the arm rests of the chair. "I blink and I can still see the faces of the ones I couldn't save; I can't get those pained and terror filled looks out of my head."
"I understand." Capt. Goodwitch replied, her gaze softening as she watched her young friend shrink deeper into the chair and her head drooped, unable to look at her. "This was the first case you've had that was this…difficult."
"Difficult does not even describe it, Glynda!" Ruby snapped, suddenly jumping to her feet in a flash of anger that quickly faded as she fell back into the chair. After a moment she continued, the anger in her silver eyes replaced with that same haunted look that Glynda had first noticed. "I didn't even sleep in my own bed last night because I was worried that I'd wake Nora by having a night terror! I still can't bring myself to tell her how afraid I was that I'd get the one call that would..."
"Hush, Ruby. Focus on my voice." Glynda said, carefully measuring her words as she waited for Ruby to look at her again. "Nora is fine, and you made sure she will stay that way." She said as she set a file in front of Ruby. She hated that this was the only thing she was able to do for the young woman, beyond just talking to her. "You'll be getting an email tomorrow for appointment confirmation with Dr. Oobleck. This is the paperwork for your medical leave."
"Our psychiatrist?! You think I'm losing my mind, don't you?" Ruby asked, a hint of fear and hurt coloring her voice. This was not something she had wanted to hear from a friend, let alone from her superior. But it was something she had expected.
"You're not losing your mind, Ruby." The blonde-haired woman said with a firm shake of her head. "Put that thought from your mind right now. You are, however, starting to show signs of PTSD. I need to place you on paid leave pending evaluation from Dr. Oobleck."
After a few seconds the detective replied, her voice hoarse. Her eyes glinted with hard determination. "Glynda, I can't just be away from work!"
"Ruby, you were tracking down a serial killer and only finding his victims for two weeks. Setting aside the similarities between the victims and Nora, that kind of thing would affect everyone at this station." Glynda replied as gently as she could. She needed Ruby to understand that this was the only way she could help her. Stepping around her desk she knelt in front of her detective, placed a hand on her shoulder, and looked into her eyes. "You need to speak with our psychiatrist, you need to be away from work, and you need to be with your family. This is the only way to help you get through this. Am I clear?"
Ruby blinked, her eyes starting to glisten with unshed tears as another orange-haired ghost stared at her. "Crystal, Ma'am."
"Good. Do you want me to give you a ride home, or do you think you can manage?" The older woman asked, arching an eyebrow.
"I…I don't think I can. I don't think I can trust what my eyes are showing me all the time." She replied, her silver eyes finding the floor again. "And after this talk, I'm not sure that I'm steady enough to drive."
"You're going to be alright, Ruby. I promise you that." Glynda said, patting her shoulder as she stood up and turned toward her desk. "Give me a few minutes and we'll head out." She didn't see the tears that finally spilled from the detective's eyes. She didn't need to. What she needed to do was everything she could to help her. I am so sorry, Ruby. You were too close to this case; I should have had one of the other detectives deal with it.
"Ruby, is that you? You're a bit late, did Glynda have you do some extra paperwork again?" Nora asked, as she craned her head to look down the entry hall from the living room couch. She expected to see Ruby tossing her coat and service belt onto the rack near the door. What she didn't expect to see was Glynda gently guiding the red-haired detective through the doorway. "Ren! Get in here now!" She called out, leaping over the back of the couch to meet Glynda and Ruby at the door.
Ren walked into the living room a few moments later. When he saw Glynda and the state Ruby was in, the ever-perceptive author nodded once before turning toward the kitchen. "Let me set up a pot of tea. Would you care for a cup, Glynda?"
"Thank you, Ren." She replied, giving him a nod before looking at Nora. Ruby's fiancé had the other woman's hand clasped in her own. "Before you ask, Nora, I am aware that Ruby spoke with you. And yes, this is about her last case."
"I was afraid you would say that." She replied as she took a slow, calming breath and gently squeezed Ruby's hand. "Is it your memories again, Ruby?"
"Yeah. They're part of the reason I slept out here last night." Ruby answered with a slow nod, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I think they're getting worse, more frequent."
"I should have realized that one brief talk wouldn't be enough." The fitness instructor said, rubbing the back of Ruby's hand with her thumb. Right then she wanted nothing more than to pull Ruby into a hug, but she couldn't. Right now, talking was the best thing she could do. "We'll get you through this. You hear me, Rosebud? You're not going to be dealing with this alone."
"I know, Sparky. Trust me, I know. But the pain on those faces…I'm realizing right now that I might need a lot of time." The red-haired detective said, as she subconsciously squeezed her eyes shut and pulled her knees to her chest. She wanted to curl into a ball right then and just cry, the only reason she didn't right then was that she was focusing on Nora and her hand. In that moment the tormented visions didn't appear. Your hand is in her hand; she's sitting right here. Just breathe, everything is alright.
Ren set a tray with the tea onto the table with a dull clink and passed out the cups. He set Ruby's in front of her, he didn't expect her to drink it, but he at least hoped she recognized the gesture. "What are the options, Glynda?" He asked as he took a sip from his own mug and looked between the file that Glynda had set on the table and his distraught sister-in-law.
"For now, rest and time off." She replied before blowing on the tea to cool it and took a sip. "And of course, seeing the department psychiatrist."
"Well, having time off in and of itself is not a bad thing. You've been needing time off for a while, Ruby." Ren said as he watched his future in-law slowly uncurl and pick up her cup. Her movement surprised him, but he was glad that she hadn't completely closed off. Though he did frown slightly as he noticed that she was trying to not look directly at Nora. "Do you want to keep things between us for now?"
"The only people I don't want involved right now are Yang and Velvet." Ruby responded softly; she didn't want to trust her voice just then. She swallowed half her cup, barely waiting for the steaming liquid to cool. "They need to be focused on their probation period with Glisten, not on me."
"Are you sure, Ruby?" Nora asked, concerned both for Ruby and at the idea of hiding this from Yang and Velvet.
"Yes. Once they're done with that then I'll tell them." Ruby replied, her hand shook slightly as she stared into her tea. She could just barely see herself in the rippling liquid and hated the fear that she saw in herself. I should be better than this, I should be able to handle this. I need to tell them everything, or I'll never heal. But how do I do that?
Nora gently squeezed Ruby's hand in her own, she could guess what was going on in her thoughts right then. "We've got you, Ruby. Just lean on us as much as you need to."
For the first time since walking through the door, Ruby finally looked at Nora and gave her a small appreciative smile, it didn't reach her eyes. "I know, Nora. I know. Just give me a bit more time before I really tell you about the case, okay? I still need to come to terms with it all."
The orange-haired woman nodded and squeezed Ruby's hand again. "I won't rush you, Dear, and I'm not going anywhere."
"Hello, Lotus." Summer said as she answered her phone. "You're calling a bit later than normal, is something wrong?"
"That is putting it mildly, Summer." Ren replied with a sigh. It was the only amount of emotion he could dredge up, just seeing Ruby in such a depressed state had quickly drained his own emotions. He was thankful that Nora had been quick to reassure and calm Ruby as his own mind raced to try and think of anything to say. The few questions and remarks he had managed to think of felt hollow and useless to him. After Nora and Ruby had retreated to their room once Glynda had left he had decided to take the step to call Summer and Tai. "We might have to move our visit up a week if you don't mind."
"That shouldn't be a problem, things have been quiet, unless you count Tai being chased by one of his geese today." Ruby's mother said, chuckling a little as she pictured her husband being chased by the angry bird again.
"Good, and the second reason is Ruby." He said, worry starting to creep ever so slightly into his voice now that he was voicing his concerns.
Summer didn't miss that worry in his voice, and her response made it known. "Explain, now."
"Glynda has placed her on medical leave. And before you ask, physically she is fine. But she's not in a good headspace right now." He replied, the faint sound of a spoon stirring in a mug sounding over the call. The author had no plans to sleep tonight having just finished brewing another strong cup of tea, he would do what he did best. He would read and learn so that he could help Ruby rather than sit silently on the side.
"What are her symptoms?" The retired detective asked, hoping things were not too serious yet.
"Plagued by visions of victims from a recent case, guilt, depression." Summer could hear from the way he was speaking that Ren was choosing his words carefully as he sifted through the information he had on hand. "She wouldn't even look at Nora for a while after she got home from the station."
"Strong signs of PTSD." She said with dread, confirming what he already knew. "Her not wanting to look at Nora doesn't surprise me, I used to do a similar thing with Tai. An early visit to the ranch might do her a world of good, getting her mind off things will help some. I trust she's already got an appointment with the psychiatrist?"
"Yes." He answered and then hesitated, trying to find the words. "Is there anything else you think we should do?"
"Just keep being there for her. No matter how hard it might get." Summer replied, already remembering her worst days while fighting her own inner demons. "And remember, just being there is enough. Even if it feels like it isn't."
"I don't recall your bad days, Summer." Ren admitted quietly. He had known the former detective dealt with PTSD but he couldn't remember a specific moment where her disorder had stood out.
"That's because I was too good at hiding my worst days from you and Nora. Tai and the girls were enough to keep me going." She said sadly. She let Ren think on those words for a moment before continuing. "Don't let Ruby try to hide her bad days from the rest of you, don't let her make that mistake."
"I promise you she won't." He said, understanding that Summer had regretted hiding her issues from the rest of them.
"Good. I'll see you guys in a few days. Good night, Lotus." Summer said as she watched the moon start to rise.
"Good night, Summer." Ren said as he hung up feeling a little better now that his future mother-in-law was aware of what was going on.
"Something wrong, Dear?" Tai asked as he heard the heavy sigh that his wife vented as she walked back into the living room and tossed her phone onto the coffee table before sprawling onto the couch next to him.
"Ren, Nora, and Ruby will be coming earlier than planned." She said, resting her head on his lap. "Our Petal isn't in a good state."
"I see." He said, slowly running a hand through her hair as he looked down at her. A single tear was trailing its way down her cheek. "And how are you holding up?"
"I was feeling great. I haven't had any issues the last few days. But now I'm just worried about Ruby." Summer said, closing her eyes as she focused on the feel of his fingers running though her hair. She was afraid that if she didn't focus on her husband then she would close off, and that was the last thing she wanted. "I knew this would happen eventually. It was always a risk."
Tai nodded as he pushed down his own worry. He would work through it in his own way but right then he needed to help Summer vent her own emotions. "But preparing for it doesn't make it easier."
"Yes." She said, trailing a slow circle with a finger on the coffee table. "When we realized she wanted to follow me into law enforcement… I had thought about talking her out of it."
"I remember that talk, but it was Ruby's choice to make. And she did know the risks." He said, as gently as he could. "She and Yang have seen you during a bad day."
"It still doesn't make it easy." Summer replied as she wiped her tears from her face as she sat up.
Tai brushed aside her bangs as she straightened, placing a brief kiss on her forehead before replying. "I know, Summer. But she takes after you more than she does me. Ruby is strong, and she's got the best support group looking out for her."
She nodded against his hand, a small ghost of a smile on her face. "You're right, Tai. And me crying about it won't help anyone right now."
"You can still be worried, Dear." He said, pulling her into a hug. "Just don't go overboard."
Summer curled right against him as Tai slowly started to rock her. "I won't make a promise to that, Tai. But I will at least try my best to keep from going overboard."
"Our best is all that we can do. And I'm sure the others will be doing their best to help her too." Tai said as he felt Summer's breathing start to slow as she started to drift toward sleep, her energy drained. This was not the first time he would have to carry her to bed, it wouldn't be the last time either.
Ruby's eyes shot open wide, her breath coming in short gasps as she forced the dregs of sleep from her mind. She knew she had been talking in her sleep, the nightmare had been too real for her not to have been. She glared at the clock on the nightstand as she sat up. "Only five in the morning." She muttered angrily. With a sigh she got up and made her way into the adjoining bathroom. Ruby let the cool water from the sink run over her hands for a few moments before splashing her face. It was the creak of the door opening that let her know that she had woken Nora when she had left their bed.
Nora didn't speak, not at first, she only wrapped Ruby in a hug from behind. Her cheek pressed against the taller woman's back. "You had a nightmare, didn't you, Rosebud?"
"Yes." Ruby replied, her voice hoarse from her nightmare.
"You called my name a few times." The orange haired woman could hear Ruby's heart racing. Whatever her nightmare had been about had to have been linked to her case. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"
Ruby spun to face her fiance and wormed her way out of the embrace before picking her up in her arms. "The only thing I need right now is for you to keep telling me that you're alright. Can you do that for me?"
I can't drag this out of you, my love. But at least I can do as you ask. Nora stifled her surprise and confusion at her actions and words. She knew that Ruby would tell her why the visions and her nightmare were affecting her like this. "You will tell me soon, won't you?"
The red-haired woman nodded in the dark of their bedroom as she carried Nora back to bed, she had made up her mind. If she was going to start healing this was what she needed to do. "I'll tell you everything in the morning, my love. It won't be easy to hear. You might not look at me the same way again."
"I made a promise to you, Ruby, that I would always be with you." The look in Nora's eyes was filled with a compassion that she hoped her fiance would see. "Whatever you have to say, whatever happened during your case, will change nothing between us."
"I know, Darling. I just needed to hear that." Ruby said, the ghost of a sad and relieved smile on her lips.
AN: Sorry I've been gone everyone. I had some family things come up this past summer and had to settle into a new position with work and when all that was dealt with the holiday rush hit me like a brick wall. But I am back now. Next up will be Fulfillment in Simplicity. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, the last time I covered the topic of PTSD was in a discontinued story and I figured the topic would still work within the bounds of this one. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but I do hope it came across well enough. Welcome back to the compound and don't feed the guard dogs. - Phoenix Commander signing off.