Chapter 10. Trust
By the time Noelle got back to the apartment with Winnie she felt nauseous. Without stopping she went to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet bowl, waiting for the moment to pass or to spew her lunch.
"Mama, are you sick?" asked Winnie, watching from the door.
"No, sweetie," she replied. "My body is ... changing."
"Why?"
The nausea passed and she leaned back against the wall beside the toilet. Opening her legs, she motioned for Winnie to sit between them. Smoothing her daughter's hair behind her ear she chose her words carefully.
"Mama's going to have another baby," she said. "I found out just before Papa went on his mission. As the baby grows inside it makes my body feel weird. Sometimes I have to throw up because of how the baby makes me feel."
"How did it get there?" asked Winnie, patting Noelle's tummy.
"When Mama and Papa do grown up play in bed it can sometimes make a baby inside my body," she replied. "This time it did. It's how we made you."
"I was in your tummy?"
"Uh huh, you grew in there for a long time, then one day you decided you were ready to come out. Papa was training in the quinjet, practicing quick take offs and landings with the team." She smiled. "Uncle Sam said when he heard you were ready to be born, Papa took off so quick, that Thor fell on his bum before he could strap in. He could have been mad, but he was happy that Papa finally got to be a daddy."
"Is it a boy baby or a girl?" asked Winnie.
"I don't know," answered Noelle. "It takes a while for the baby to get big enough for the doctors to tell. Right now, the baby is about this big." She bent her thumb at the knuckle, showing the bent portion to her daughter. When it's ready to be born it will be as big as your baby doll."
"Does Papa know?"
"Yeah, so does Winter. He remembered that I told Papa. Doctor Banner and the other nurses know and so does Uncle Sam and Aunty Dawn but it's a secret from everyone else. I would like to wait before we tell everyone. Can you keep it secret?"
The little girl nodded her head, then kissed Noelle's tummy, before standing up and hugging her mother. She held her daughter for a long time, feeling the emotions threatening to overwhelm her.
~~~~~~~~~
After the door to the briefing room was closed, Fury stood at the front of the room, making sure he made eye contact with every single person in the room before finally settling on Winter. He still sat where he had been sitting with Winnie. Slowly, he stood up then lowered his head before Fury, looking down at the floor.
"I offer myself for correction," he said, in a barely audible voice. "My actions caused fear to residents of the compound, and almost caused a security incident."
"Straighten up, please," said Fury. He waited while Winter raised his head, although his posture was still submissive as he kept his eyes downcast. "Look at me. I don't want to repeat this outside of this room. By all accounts the situation was handled by Thor and Danvers, backed up by Torres. Security Chief Hamilton is of the opinion that you are dangerous. Well, everyone is, if someone they love appears to be in danger. If a similar occurrence happens it is imperative that you advise Friday of your reaction to fear stimuli from Barnes. Unless you can verify that anyone is in immediate danger of injury you will wait for backup before you enter an area, especially one that contains the children. I believe you, Winter, that you acted in the best interests, but the way you did was frightening to people whose job it is to be wary. There is no punishment, no correction required other than what I just told you. Do you understand? Hamilton? You understand that means that Winter is to be given the benefit of the doubt. We trust him. His conditioning is to act first, and I expect you and your team to take that into account in the event of any recurrence."
Hamilton scowled but nodded his acknowledgement. Fury gestured to Winter to return to his seat.
"In the space of 3.3 seconds, a micro-portal opened that was focused on Winnie Barnes mainly to give her a message to pass on to us," he continued. "The message was, that if Winter remembers the cold place, he would be able to go to where Barnes is and retrieve him. Because it was targeted at a 3 year old child we think it was said simply enough for her to understand and repeat. Winter, when she said cold place, you thought she referred to cryosleep?"
"Yes, it is the only cold place I have memories of," he replied, not happy at the line of questioning.
"What do you remember of the process that would freeze you?" asked Fury, not unkindly. "Please, I know it is probably upsetting to you, but I want to understand."
The former Winter Soldier looked sullenly at Fury, wondering if this was a trick and the true nature of the man was ready to be shown. Fury, trying not to appear threatening waited patiently for an answer.
"We were conditioned to submit to preparation for cryosleep," he began. "There was always a group of large armed guards present, with guns, tasers, and stun batons to ensure our... cooperation. One also carried a tranquilizer gun that would be used if Barnes refused. Once, one of the technicians said there was enough to bring down an elephant in the dart."
There were sounds of distress from several of the people around him. Glancing to the side, he saw Carol looking at him sympathetically. Sam was beside her and nodded at him to continue, obviously having heard this before.
"Our body was hooked up to several intravenous feeds. One contained a type of antifreeze that kept our blood from crystallizing. Another contained a nutrient to keep our body functioning during the freeze. The heart rate would be slowed to one beat every 5-6 minutes, the respiration the same. Our body was intubated to make sure the oxygen went straight to the lungs. The urinary system was catheterized to flush out any waste product but not always. Sometimes we would wake up with pants frozen from urine. They would make fun of us after, say we peed the bed, even though we were stored upright in a cylinder. As the technology changed, they dressed us in a special suit that monitored the body's processes. It also provided some protection from the effects of the cryo process if we were kept under too long. As long as we were functional when we woke up it didn't seem to be a priority to repair minor damage to our body."
"What about the sleep portion itself?" Fury asked, gently. "Do you remember when you were asleep?"
"Dreams, nightmares. It was all the same at some point. The memories of Barnes' past life were as upsetting to him as the memories of the missions. It was cold, always cold. The worst part of being in cryosleep was waking up. Liquid nitrogen was used to freeze our body, a temperature of -196 degrees Celsius. When we were thawed out it was in a place warmed up to 4 degrees Celsius. It was warm enough that the frost on our skin melted but cold enough that we still felt cold. When we first came out of cryosleep our senses were dampened, our strength non-existent. They could do anything to us at that point and we wouldn't be aware as our body was functionally blind, deaf, and mute. That is when they would put us through the memory processing machine, wiping whatever memories came to us before and during cryosleep. The effects of the machine would reboot our senses, as certain handlers, like Colonel Karpov, would recite the activation words to bring my presence forward, immediately after the last charge had been implemented. There were times we were still convulsing when the words were recited."
"Even at that low a temperature you were ... aware of your surroundings?" asked Fury.
Winter shrugged. "One could call it that. Aware we were trapped would be more accurate. It felt like being smothered."
"Were both you and Barnes aware enough to think coherently when you were frozen?" asked Tony, leaning forward on his elbows. "Not just dreams or nightmares."
"Sometimes. Barnes usually retreated as it was normal procedure to put us through the memory process upon awakening, and that was painful to him. It seemed to be a way for him to prepare for the inevitable. Most often, it was a state where the only things we feared were the activities of our mind, mostly reliving what happened on previous missions. Over time the process of freezing and unfreezing was restricted to medical personnel only. They were not as abusive as security or military personnel, as it was found that if they were involved in the process they would deliberately interfere with its progression. There was often anger and spite at the preference given to our missions over theirs, although the preference was all in the preparations. There was never a reward for a successful mission for us. If we weren't returned to cryosleep we would be left alone in a bare cell. More attention was given to repairing damage to the prosthetic than it was to damage to the rest of our body."
He glanced briefly at Hamilton during his recall of the preparations and consequences, a look that wasn't lost on Fury. He filed a mental note to have a serious talk with the man after, wondering if his own biases about Winter had kept him from noticing it amongst the security staff.
"I want you to consider something," began Fury, returning his attention to the man in front of him. "The portal to the other universe was visible only in a long-range infrared frequency, one that exists at almost absolute zero. Would you be able to withstand that temperature? Did HYDRA ever take your temperature down that low?"
To his credit Winter considered the question seriously then he shook his head. "I don't believe they ever did as HYDRA didn't have the technology to duplicate that low of a temperature, at least not for any length of time."
"I've been doing some research on absolute zero experiments," interrupted Peter. "In 1898 a scientist liquefied hydrogen to a temperature of 21.1K. In 1908 another scientist liquefied helium to its boiling point of 4.15K. By reducing the pressure of the liquid helium, he was able to lower its temperature to 1.5K. Those accomplishments were achieved in a lab under controlled circumstances. The technology to freeze a person with liquid nitrogen didn't exist until the 1960s and they were unsuccessful at preventing irreversible damage to the bodies, which were not in a living state when they were frozen. Not even a super soldier could survive the effects of absolute zero on the human body. Thor can, briefly, but it can still affect him. Carol generates her own protective shield around her body which protects her."
Fury nodded his head, thankful that someone had already begun thinking ahead.
"What if the message that Winnie Barnes gave us refers to the cold place where Barnes is?" asked Sam. "She had a message from someone in that universe, but you have a connection with Barnes, an emotional one. Is it possible that the message indicates that if we find a way to go there, you will be able to use that connection to locate him?"
Before anyone could say anything, Friday interrupted the meeting.
"Excuse the interruption. Princess Shuri has been monitoring the meeting and has a contribution to make."
"Can we have a visual?" Fury asked. "Go ahead Shuri."
Her face appeared on a wall display. "I have information to share before we consider the possibility of going to the shadow universe. An analysis of the micro portal that appeared in the children's daycare area has indicated its signature matched the frequency of the earlier portals. It also contained a single microscopic particle of vibranium in a gaseous state that is also a rare form of vibranium ... in that it is sentient."
"That wasn't noticed in the previous portals?" he asked.
"No, the flow from those portals went from our universe to theirs as the cold temperature sucked the warmer temperature of our universe into it. Only the energy beam and the shadow forms came out from it, and we still don't know exactly what the beam was, other than cold. This small portal discharged a single particle. It's energy signature matches both the theoretical signature of gaseous vibranium and the signature of living vibranium, found in a single cave in Wakanda. Access to the cave is limited to the Dora Milaje recruits, who absorb some of the energy into their bodies as part of a ritual process when they are fully accepted into the order. It's not something we advertise because it is also extremely volatile, which is why access is strictly limited. Even I am not permitted in there. I speculate that the substance is not volatile when it is at the temperature of absolute zero. It would be volatile at room temperature, but the yield of a microscopic particle would be the equivalent of a small static electricity discharge. Friday, was there such a discharge at the time of the micro portal?"
"Affirmative," replied the AI. "A small discharge of static electricity was noted."
"What does that all mean?" asked Fury, fully aware that Shuri likely already knew about that discharge but wanted the objective nature of the AI to confirm that.
"My theory is that the shadow universe is vibranium based, and the living vibranium is its life form, existing in an absolute zero environment," said Shuri. "When they entered our universe before they must have been shielded in some way, perhaps to protect us from damage since it would be volatile in our atmosphere. That single particle was sent to deliver a message. We have to find a way to go into that universe, without raising the temperature to an ignition phase. Once we are there with Winter, his link to Barnes will theoretically lead us to him."
"Why do they need me to go there?" Winter focused on Shuri's image. "Can't I find him from here?"
"I think they can only reintegrate him into your shared body if you are in close proximity with each other," she said. "They may have him integrated into a separate body made of vibranium, since Winnie actually had a visual of him. It could be too dangerous to do it here because of the volatility of the living vibranium, so you have to go there, to the cold place. But we'll have to determine the ignition temperature of the gaseous vibranium to keep whatever transport device we use below that threshold and find a way to protect your body as well since you wouldn't survive exposure in that absolute zero environment."
"They may have tried to take Winter when we had Barnes and Winter in the operating room," said Dr. Strange. "I had time stopped on their body so no life signs would have been evident. Winnie did say they took Barnes by mistake but why would they want to talk to either of them about HYDRA?"
"About that," said Shuri. "I have done more analysis of the site, using data collected by alternative satellites in the area. Don't ask. Cerberus may have instigated the contact with that universe. It's possible the vibranium deposit may have contained a small amount of living vibranium, which allowed them to locate the universe. They either attempted an infiltration or some other aggressive action with them, possibly to access what they saw as an unlimited supply of both forms of vibranium, hoping to control it. The shadow people were likely protecting themselves from what they saw as a hostile force. They used the beams on the team, but no one was killed so I regard the implementation of them as a defensive move. Bucky still had HYDRA technology in his body. Not all of it was harmful and there was more chance of damage if we replaced it, so it was left inside if its purpose was innocuous. Those parts may have identified Bucky as being connected to Cerberus but the fact he is still alive, and they are obviously accessing his memories has likely shown that they understand he was a victim of HYDRA instead, according to what Winnie said. The shadow people want information, but also recognize that he belongs here. I say we cooperate and find a way to bring him home. If that involves going there on faith... I think we have to consider it."
"As long as they can enter our facility without notice I still consider them a threat," declared Hamilton. "If they can only communicate to us through a child and a former HYDRA assassin, I'm not sure I would consider them friendly in any way."
The man's declaration brought up a crescendo of push back from the Avengers team members. Fury stood at the front, listening to the back and forth between Hamilton and the others as he dug in further on his antagonistic position. Then he looked at Winter, who sat quietly, occasionally looking up at various people as they spoke. Approaching him, Nick was aware of the rhetoric dying down. When Fury stopped so he was immediately in front of Winter, the latter looked up.
"Winter, if we find a way to get you safely into the other universe so that you and Barnes can be reintegrated, will you take the mission?"
"Yes," he replied calmly, without hesitation. "This is Barnes' original body. I am an alter that appeared as a result of torture. I won't lie about how I am getting acclimated to experiencing life as an individual. At first, I was overwhelmed by the influx of sounds, feelings, and choices. As I become more used to it, I find that it becomes more pleasurable to me." He looked Fury in the eyes, his usually stoic face showing earnestness. "But I am a guest in this body and this facility. Barnes is my host, and he should be here, experiencing this life that he deserves. We should do all we can to bring him back." He looked at Hamilton in a way that indicated his feelings about the man. "You still see me as the object I was to HYDRA. Barnes and I were not a person to them, but a tool for domination. In the most recent encounter with Barnes the shadow being was horrified that he thought they wanted to harm Winnie. The portal they sent was brief and small in size, showing an understanding of its effect on this planet. The communication they sent to Winnie was also brief and simple because she is a child without preconceptions. Her world is simple, comprised of her relationship with her parents, people she trusts, and learning. If they choose to communicate with her, it is because she won't assume they are dangerous. You would do well to learn from her."
"Listen, you ..."
"That's enough," said Fury, looking at Hamilton. "We have some brilliant minds on this team, who have already begun considering options. Shuri, Parker, Stark, Banner, and Strange ... I want you to work on creating a transport vehicle that will function in the other universe, as well as create a protective suit for Winter to wear. It has priority when you have down time. Missions will still continue, and I want Winter to be rotated into them. The shadow universe is no longer to be considered hostile, but I also want to find a way to communicate with them so that we are all crystal clear about both their intentions and ours." He returned to the front of the room. "Any more comments, observations, reservations? Now's your time to express them. I don't want anyone to feel that we aren't taking your concerns seriously."
There was no response for a long moment then Shaun stood up nervously.
"I'm just going to say this here, in front of the team," he said. "I won't ever say it in front of Noelle or Winnie. Our goal is to get into that universe, find Bucky's soul or spirit, whatever you want to call it, and somehow find a way to restore it to his body so that he and Winter share it again. I have two questions. What if we can't? Why hasn't Dr. Strange already gone to the other universe?"
Fury and Strange studied each other, both of them tilting their heads slightly. By the most minute of facial gestures the former indicated the sorcerer could answer the question that referred to him, first.
"I already tried," said Strange, sounding a little defeated. "I can open a portal to it but the vibranium levels are such that I can't survive in it and my abilities do generate heat so it would likely be enough to detonate the substance. It's not like any other universe I've ever encountered. If there is an equivalent to me there ... I couldn't sense it. I think the living vibranium that Shuri referred to is a single consciousness, even though we have seen them in individual forms. The fact they are even making the attempt to communicate with us indicates they have intelligence and a sense of awareness that we both have to proceed with caution."
It was a considerable admission from the self-described genius, not known for false modesty. Fury took a few more moments before answering the first question, finally fixing his gaze on Winter.
"We will try until we fail, then we'll learn from our mistakes and try again. However long it takes we'll keep trying. But, in the event it becomes obvious, not just to us but to the residents of that universe that it isn't possible then Winter will be the only entity in Barnes' body. We may have to learn to accept that."
There was a collective breath taken at that final comment. Aware of the many eyes on him, Winter felt a heat envelope his body at the thought of living a life without Barnes. It was daunting, as it meant he couldn't count on his host being there as a buffer to the more intense moments experienced since Barnes rejoined society. But there was something else, something that he wasn't entirely afraid of. He could have a life, his own life, perhaps with Noelle and Winnie, and the child to come. The thought of being responsible for and taking care of Barnes' children, and exploring a relationship with Noelle, was appealing to him. As the briefing ended and the others left, he didn't move for some time.
"You alright?" asked Sam, noticing that he was still sitting there. "Winter?"
"I have conflicting thoughts," replied the other man, answering immediately. "I do want Barnes back in his body but a part of me wonders if it never happens what it would be like to take his place." He looked up at Sam, seeing concern on his face. "I can't deny that the thought of being with Noelle and Winnie is something I would like."
Sam breathed out, then pulled a chair over so he was sitting directly in front of Winter. In many ways it reminded him of the time Dr. Raynor forced him and Bucky to sit facing each other to get them past their issues during the Flag Smashers. Putting that memory out of his mind he focused on the man in front of him. He was still naïve in many ways, but Sam had found more and more things to like about him, as he was direct, truthful, and unafraid to ask for clarification on many things that weren't known by him.
"She is an incredible woman, and you obviously have your own memories of her and Bucky," he began. "But her relationship isn't with you. It's with Bucky. She's already made it clear that she won't cross that line. If he can't be restored, she will likely grieve for him, as a widow grieves for her dead husband. Except, she will always know he is still alive. Seeing you might be a reminder of what she has lost, not what might be."
"That's true," replied the dark-haired man, thoughtfully. "It would also hurt her if I chose to begin a relationship with anyone else, because she could still perceive it as Bucky being unfaithful."
"That's a good observation," agreed Sam. "There's no easy answer. She's already accepted you as a friend to herself and Winnie. Regardless, nothing will happen unless we all admit defeat and give up. That's not going to happen for a long time. Are you going to respect that?"
Winter looked at him with a bit of disbelief, as if he never needed to ask that. "Of course, I would respect that. I respect her and I respect the esteem that you all hold for Barnes. It was ... walking you through a hypothetical."
He gave his head a little twist that almost made Sam laugh as it was exactly like how Bucky looked before he admitted to helping Helmut Zemo escape from prison. Standing, he offered his hand to Winter, helping him up and the two men left the room.
"Would you like to come for dinner with my family tonight?" Sam looked at him in the hallway. "My son Paul has asked why you're not his friend. I guess Winnie talks about you at play school and daycare, a lot."
"Do you still make jambalaya?" asked Winter. "I know Barnes liked it; he thought it was pretty good."
"Yeah, but I need the right ingredients to do it," answered Sam. "I could ask my wife if she has something planned. You are welcome to come no matter what's on the menu."
"Thank you. I will."
With a nod of acknowledgement, Sam left towards operations. Winter stood there, before he ran his hand through his hair and returned to the gym, hoping to continue some sort of workout. It was empty when he got there so he started up the treadmill and began running. Despite his intention to just be in the moment he couldn't help but wonder what might be, as Sam put it. An hour later, he stopped the equipment and stepped off it, barely winded, although he was sweating. He went over to the rack where the towels were and grabbed one, wrapping it around his neck. Bending over the water fountain he took a long drink, then looked over to the clock on the wall, witnessing the digital display tick over from one minute to the next.
Sam was right. No matter his own attraction to Noelle Barnes, she was in love with Bucky. While he ran, he had thought of the time after the first night of the two of them meeting, remembering the three days they spent together before Bucky went to Delacroix. It hadn't all been sex, although that had been an important part of their brief courtship. Many hours had been spent talking, listening quietly to music together, cooking and eating together, becoming attuned to each other. Barnes had let down all of his walls during those three days, telling Noelle things that took him a long time to share with Sam, who had become his closest friend, after Steve left. Maybe that's when Winter also fell in love with her, although he didn't know that's what it was at the time.
The trust between the couple was instant and deep. Trust ... that's what it came down to. Noelle told him very quickly that her love was for Bucky, and by his acceptance of that, she trusted him to respect that boundary. Not doing so would break that trust. When Barnes was reintegrated, he would know of Winter's existence and would learn of his own love for Noelle. By acting on it, he would expose her to Barnes' disappointment. If it happened that Barnes could not be returned to this universe, Winter wouldn't be able to live on his own unless he was trusted. By continuing to respect that boundary, he would prove he was a man worthy of that trust.
Author notes: information on sentient vibranium found on Wikipedia, with footnotes indicating the mention and history of the substance in several different issues of certain comics, mostly issues of Black Panther: Long Live the King, #1-#5. https/en./wiki/Vibranium