Tsunade-sama was on my ass all day.

She absolutely refused to leave me alone for more than a few minutes at a time, seemly afraid I would sneak off to go have sexual relations again. I guess she didn't feel that I had been punished enough as she assigned me to do what would be my 26th surgery that day. The majority of them hadn't been very complicated but left no possibility to take a break. Once in my scrubs and sterilized, simply going to the bathroom would compromise the whole process. Some of the surgeries were a few hours long, but I couldn't complain, as Tsunade-sama was running on no breaks too.

She did hand me a cereal bar when she heard my stomach growl, but she must have had a bladder of steel.

Finally, already running into the evening, Tsunade-sama allowed me to get a bathroom break, her right beside me in the stall next store.

"Shishō," I asked cautiously over the loud sound of the both of us urinating as fast as racehorses, "do you think we could get more accomplished if we actually split up?" I no longer was in need of Tsunade-sama's guidance when it came to normal work at the hospital. Tsunade-sama's experience of course surpassed my own, and her skills were surely better than mine, but I didn't need to be baby sat like this.

"Are you asking for free reign to turn the hospital into your own fuck fantasy land?"

"Shishō, please!" I begged embarrassed, praying no one else walked into the bathroom. "It will never happen again! I swear it!" Tsunade-sama finished first and opened her stall door with a bang. I hurried myself in order to keep up with her. The both of us started to thoroughly wash our hands, Tsunade-sama being slightly more aggressive. "I appreciate how lenient you have been -"

"By not firing you."

"Exactly. But even you said I was a quick learner. Surely I have learned my lesson."

Tsunade-sama glared down at me with her honey brown eyes. I averted my gaze in submission and respect, praying for what I thought was really impossible. "Take over Amaya's shift tonight," she stated. "She's come down with the flu, and that woman expecting triplets needs her c-section done stat."

"Of course!"

"This doesn't mean I forgive you. I would normally be here, but I'm supposed to do this thing -"

"Shishō, do you have plans?!" I asked, letting excitement lace my voice. I was eager to latch onto anything that could take Tsunade-sama's attention away from her anger with me. Tsunade-sama never had plans. I grinned at her curiously, despite the glare she was giving me. Her having other obligations would make me extremely lucky tonight. What were the chances?

"That I might cancel," she answered.

"Oh, don't cancel them, Shishō! You need to get out more. You aren't doing this retirement thing very well." I thought for a moment and then gasped. "Is this a date?!"

"No," she replied flatly. "God no. It's Orochimaru.

"Oh." My voice immediately dropped.

"Yeah. He seems to have noticed that I have been avoiding and ignoring the messages he's sent me for the last year. Now he's being more persistent and is starting to use guilt, which for some reason is making me feel bad."

"What does he want anyway?"

"I don't know. Something about how all of his friends are dead. Today is the anniversary of us as a genin team. Something dumb. Probably."

"That's ... strangely sweet. Maybe you should go just to make sure he isn't doing anything fishy."

"I know," Tsunade-sama groaned into her hands. Kakashi's been vague when I asked for updates on the creep. I can't tell if he's being that way on purpose or if he's just distracted. You don't think Kakashi would let me send Shizune in for me instead, do you?"

"Shishō," I pushed her toward the bathroom door as if I was physically pushing her to keep her plans. We were very busy at the hospital after all. We already went over our two-minute break. "Go! Who knows, maybe you will even have fun!"

"I'm too old to have fun," she grumbled.

I successfully got Tsunade-sama to leave the hospital for the night, and without her breathing down my neck, I was free to confidently finish my work. Night shifts are sometimes quiet, but not this night.

I had participated in the birth of many babies at this time, especially now, as there was somewhat of a baby boom after the war. Birthing was exciting and one of my absolute favorite things that happened at the hospital. In most cases, things went smoothly and there was little for me to do. It almost seemed needless, as I was so used to having to fix a problem, that only being there to assist something that nature had attended since the dawn of time seemed silly.

Things didn't always go according to plan. Sometimes my help was more required, but even then, doing a simple c-section was usually pretty easy. I had already successfully done one for twins, though this would be my first birth with triplets.

So far, so good for the mother. Her blood pressure had been checked regularly to ensure there was no gestational hypertension. All three babies' heartbeats could be detected, all of them fully formed. The mother had religiously followed all doctor's instructions. The cesarean section was really just to follow policy. It could be dangerous giving birth to that many babies at one time.

I knew my staff and they knew me very well. The nurses always showed me the upmost respect, at least to my face. There was the occasional rumor about my relationship with Naruto, or the favoritism Tsunade-sama showed me from time to time, but not enough of it to have me pinpoint who had started it. This of course, did not stop others from coming to me when struggling with a medical issue, as I had a knack of figuring out an illness when others were stumped. Patients would sometime request to see me personally, though most of them seemed to be young soldiers who may have had less than innocent intentions. I couldn't see everyone, but if I had to choose, it would be children and mothers.

The mother-to-be was ecstatic to hear that I would be working with her. I had come to introduce myself and ensure any worries that the patient could have had before the surgery.

"You brought the Hero of the Hidden Leaf back to life! I'm sure we have nothing to worry about," her husband had said. I gave a small smile at the praise, knowing it to be flattery, but I didn't like to be reminded about the war or the fact that Naruto had literally died in front of me. I shoved the memory back down with the rest of my insecurities to focus on my job.

In a few more moments, the mother was sedated and on the operating table.

C-sections were simple surgeries. It was only two incisions, one through the skin, the other through the uterus. After that, it was just a few snips of the umbilical cord and getting the baby cleaned up and breathing.

The first two babies were easy. As soon as they were out, I handed them to the nurses, their cries satisfying as I searched for the next. Once the third baby was out, I was working on closing up the mother. Easy peasy.

"Haruno-san, I can't get him breathing!" I looked up from my work, a couple of the nurses were with the third baby. The one that had spoken, Mio, was no older than myself, but one of the newer of the staff, and I heard the panic in her voice.

"Um, one moment," I said, trying to finish with the mother as fast as humanly possible. I could only do one thing at a time.

"Please, Haruno-san. I really can't get him breathing."

I let some of the other nurses take over the mother and went over to the third baby, where he was placed on a small table. I put my hands on him, feeling for his heartbeat but found something else instead. "The neck is broken," I said robotically.

"How? When? Did I... Did I break it?"

"Probably not. It was most likely from the position in the womb."

"But they were all perfectly fine before the birth happened!" I stood there, with my fingers still pressed on either side of the infant's neck, trying to recall the position he had been when I tugged him out. "You can revive him, can't you?" I pulled myself out of my thoughts and stared at her. "You can bring him back to life! I know you can."

At first, I thought she was being absurd. The baby was dead. This was a stillborn. The other two were crying in the background, perfectly healthy; we should move on. But the look the young girl was given me reminded me that I was Haruno Sakura of Team Seven. I should try. A life was still a life. It was shameful that I didn't even think to from the start. I was wasting time.

The break in the neck was between C4 and C5. It really just needed a gentle push to put it back into place. The bones of the infant were soft and easy to move. It was the central nervous system that I really had to work on. "Try reviving it," I said, still concentrating my chakra through my fingers. Mio gently started pushing on the tiny chest, encouraging the heart to start up again. The others checked to make sure the airways were all the way clear.

"It's not working!"

"Keep going," I said calmly, trying to edge off the other girl's hysteria, because it was affecting her rhythm. "Concentrate on what you are doing." With tears in her eyes, and a loud sniffle behind her surgical mask, she continued to push inefficiently.

"Stop," I finally said. "It's too late."

"No!" And she went on to full sobs. Ripping off my bloody gloves, I gave the rest of the staff a quick look, pleading for them to continue without me so I could lead the distress nurse away. We went into one of the 'panic rooms' we had in the building. The room wasn't used too often, especially by ninja, but a lot of the staff were not. Ninja were usually reserved for the battlefield. Most shinobi didn't even use to make it to the hospital.

I led Mio to one of the chairs, rubbing her back. "Shh, it's not your fault. Accidents happen."

"I killed a baby," she cried.

"No. There wasn't anything more we could do, honestly. It's five times more likely for complications to happen with a multi-birth versus a single birth. These things happen."

"But I was working with Amaya-san the whole time. There were no signs of a stillborn."

"Something must have been missed. Sometimes that happens."

I sat with Mio until she calmed down enough, and then sent her home. Just enough time for the mother to be aroused so I could tell her the news. She cried and I stood by her side, answering any questions I could that she was able to manage out, though her and her husband soon became busy with their living children.

Afterwards, I filed all the paperwork required for a death, a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I had failed Tsunade-sama in some way. I was already on thin ice with her, that I suspected she would be disappointed with me. How come I hadn't noticed something was wrong?

I went to the morgue, where we kept the deceased before cremation, thinking if I had another look at the body, I would be able to glean something I hadn't before.

I had seen the dead many times, but not someone so young. Not ever a child, or even anyone younger than myself, really. Though, the first person I had ever seen die had only been fifteen. Older than me at the time, but still just a kid. It never got any easier.

The baby was fully formed, yet a little on the smaller side, which was typical of triplets. The eyes never opened, but the lips were slightly parted, looking like maybe he was only asleep. There was a slight fuzz of what could be auburn hair, a promise of something that would never be. The only indication that something was wrong was the slight discoloration of the skin and the signs of bruising on the neck.

I really should have been paying more attention on the positions before the operation. It could have been possible that one of the umbilical cords had wrapped around the neck, but I would have seen something like that when I was pulling the infant out. When I had checked the heart beats before the surgery, could I have counted one twice?

Maybe I should have been the one to perform CPR. It was clear Mio was in no condition to do it, though I wasn't sure if I would have succeeded even with proper CPR. It had already been a long shot. I wasn't surprised it didn't work. It really was my fault. I would take full responsibility when Tsunade-sama returned.

The intrusive thought of wondering, what if it hadn't worked on Naruto, entered my head.

I stared at the dead infant for over 40 minutes before tearing my gaze away, slamming the sliding compartment back into its refrigerated tomb a little harder than I meant to.

Finally, when three AM rolled about, I made the tired walk back home, compartmentalizing my work life away from my personal. It was something I had become proficiently good at when having a bad day. I was too exhausted to attempt to cook and any places serving food had long been closed. I wondered if Ino would notice if I stole one of her yogurts, but I was really hoping for something more substantial. Maybe I was too tired to eat.

Snooping in the kitchen, I noticed Ino had left a note for me, stating that Naruto dropped by. That was a little strange. My hunger was instantly forgotten. If it was really important, Ino would have assumed I had picked up an extra shift and told Naruto as such, and he would have looked for me there. Since he hadn't, maybe he was just in the area and was looking to see if I was free to hang out. I had certainly dropped by unannounced at his place numerus times, especially after a stressful rough day and needing a good release. But Naruto was less likely to do the same, only on the fact that he was a little afraid of Ino.

Something must have overcome that fear. He talked to Ino. The note read, 'Naruto was here looking for you' with a heart drawn after the sentence. That seemed pretty optimistic, but I didn't trust Ino to read Naruto as well as I could.

No longer tired or hungry, I felt my chakra reserves kick in as I went straight to Naruto's apartment. Since it was so late, I assumed Naruto was in bed, so I went to his bedroom window. If he was asleep, I figured I wouldn't wake him, but just crawl under the blankets with him. I could ask what he wanted when he woke up. If it was just because he wanted me, well I was available for him now.

Naruto wasn't in his bed, and in a panic, I opened up his window and entered the apartment. It didn't take long for me to find him, as he was out cold on his couch instead, clothes still on, head and arms thrown over the backrest. He sat in the middle of the couch, knees spread out taking up the entire space. With his throat exposed like that, it reminded me of another time, him sitting on the same couch and me on my knees before him.

I hadn't exactly wanted to wake him up, but I felt like I should, since he wasn't in his bed yet. I found myself crawling onto his lap, not being able to help myself. His warm chest pressed against mine made me feel like I belonged there. I kissed the side of his neck gently, intending to wake him up as sweetly as possible. Naruto being a heavy sleeper, I got no reaction at first, which led me to sinking my teeth into his flesh and giving a hard, playful suck. I felt movement in his shoulders as his fingers twitched. His head moved against mine to try to protect his neck. My arms circled around him to keep him close and his responded to move his to grip my waist tightly.

"Sakura-Chan? What time is it?" and then he was gently pushing me off, which I was not expecting. He left me on the couch while he got up.

"Sorry it's so late. I was trying to appease Tsunade-sama by picking up the night shift. Ino told me you were at the apartment. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just let me get a drink of water." He went over to his kitchen, catching the actual time on the clock. "You didn't have to come. It's almost 4 AM. It could have waited until daylight."

"Well, I'm here now!" I said cheerfully.

"Yeah." Naruto got his glass of water.

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"Sakura."

I had been trying to chase the foreboding atmosphere away with my smiles. I told myself Naruto was talking so slow and lowly was just because he was tired, but with the way he said my name now, I could no longer lie to myself. Truth be told, I hadn't felt right since last I saw him.

He was looking at me straight in the face, which he had been avoiding until just now. "I need to talk to you." I moved over on the couch to give him room, and he returned, sitting down before he placed his water glass on the floor and then put his head in his hands. I heard my heartbeat three times before he spoke again. "I've been thinking... and I think that maybe... we should stop, all this..."

I stared at him in shock. He turned his head slightly to take a quick peak at my reaction but turned it away with a wince soon after. An insane amount of time went by before I could answer. "Is this... Is this because of the date?"

Naruto sighed.

"If it's that important to you, then yes. Of course. We will go on lots of dates. Fuck the image it might make. I'll handle it. I'll get it taken care of."

"Sakura-chan. That's not really it. If Sasuke came back -"

"We'll all be together."

"Right, but let's say in this scenario, Sasuke doesn't want..." Naruto pressed his face harder into his hands, his voice getting thicker. "... with me."

"It's not true."

"Right, but let's just say that it is."

"Then I'm still here, Naruto. I haven't left you!"

"No, but let's also say... that Sasuke ... wants you, like, he's in love with you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you..."

I laughed. "First off, that would never happen -"

"It doesn't matter, Sakura!" Naruto interrupted harshly, removing his face from his hands. "The fact of the matter is that you would want to back. I'm not saying you would. I honestly don't know what you would do actually. Maybe you two would run away together, or maybe you would just run away from the entire situation on your own to avoid it, but like, if I were dead or something, you would be with Sasuke. But with me, I mean, Sasuke's of course not dead, but you hesitated. Even if you said yes, you would just be settling. You love Sasuke more than you love me, and I'm not mad about that. It's always been that way, and I was okay with this for a while, but it's starting to hurt too much."

"No!" I cried out, mortified by what he was saying. He was leaving me. First Sasuke-kun and now Naruto. Naruto was leaving me. "I'll prove it to you! I'll be your girlfriend! That's what you want, right? I'm so sorry! I didn't understand before, but -"

"You're just saying that now."

"No, please don't!" Sasuke-kun had cleverly broke my heart by letter, a safe distance away from me, but Naruto was physically in front of me. I threw my arms around him, returning to the same spot on his lap that I had been before. "I'm sorry! I didn't realize! I didn't know you were feeling this way, all this time! I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Of course Naruto didn't believe me. Why would he? Naruto had always been neglected. From the beginning. I had always treated him horribly. Naruto had just taken it before. Even now, I was still abusing him.

Naruto was wonderful, but sometimes, when I closed my eyes, I did imagine Naruto to be Sasuke-kun. Not all the time. Only when I was especially missing him.

In a way Naruto was right. I had hesitated. I did not want to be with Naruto without Sasuke-kun. I would have preferred to have them both. And before, of course, my every fantasy was to have Sasuke-kun for myself. But now, Sasuke-kun without Naruto? I hadn't thought of it as an option, not since the night Naruto blurted out his love for the both of us. I had just always assumed Sasuke-kun would include Naruto. It was the only way. Sasuke-kun would not agree to love without Naruto there.

Except Sasuke-kun was gone, regardless, and being alone was by far the worst scenario.

I thought that I had changed. I thought I had matured enough, grew, learned to understand Naruto and his kindness. Our bond was so strong. But all this time, the walls that had been brought down in order to bring us together were not Naruto's but mine. Naruto had gained my trust, but he still kept things from me. He still kept his sadness and true feelings. I thought I had been that person for him, the person that he could trust. I thought I could see through all of his terrible acts, and perhaps I had, yet I still ignored them.

Naruto was not okay with no strings attached. He loved too hard. He was attached to all of the strings. How could I not see? Why did I believe him when he said he was fine? Naruto was a terrible liar. I had known Naruto was a terrible liar.

Naruto did not return my embrace. He just sat there. I held onto him as if holding him would keep him from leaving. But he was already gone. I could feel him, rising away like a ghost and just leaving a shell behind. It horribly reminded me of watching the soul of someone's passing leave their body. I had witnessed it hundreds of times before, people that I could just not save. It was something felt rather than just seen. It was felt when I watched Naruto die in front of me during the war.

Naruto was of course, alive now, but the sudden thought of losing him, gone from my life, didn't seem to be much of a better option.

I didn't know how to fix this. I fucked it up, and instead of accepting the consequences of my actions, I tried saying anything I could think of to keep it from happening.

"I'll do better," I sobbed into his neck. "I don't want this to end. I don't want to lose you." My hands moved against his head and shoulders, trying to bring his soul back to me. "You are part of every day of my life. You're mine, my person. I need you. What would I do if I couldn't touch you? I'm sorry about how insensitive I am. Teach me. Show me how not to hurt you. I'll do anything!"

"Sakura-chan, please don't cry," Naruto croaked.

"Is it because I don't give you enough attention? Do I work too much?"

"No."

"Do I mention Sasuke-kun too much? Have I made you insecure?"

"No."

"I'll be your girlfriend! I'll tell everyone, we will go on all the dates -"

"Sakura-chan, if you be my girlfriend now, it will feel forced. Just like that time in Iron Country. You are only doing it because you don't want... you don't want..."

"I don't want to lose you," I finished for him. "I've never wanted to lose you."

"Yeah, I know."

"If we stop, will I not be able to touch you anymore, like at all?" My hand went to his cheek, feeling his face while mine was still pressed into his neck. "Will we still be friends? What if we can't just be friends? What if I want you too much?" Naruto's arms finally moved to clutch around me, holding me nearly as tight as I was holding him. "Being with you doesn't feel forced. The only time that I feel truly happy is when I'm with you. The only time I don't think about him is when I'm with you. What am I going to do without you? I will be alone." I sobbed, unable to continue to talk in full sentences and instead mumbling apologies and soaking Naruto's shirt and neck.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

"Don't leave me. Please."

I felt Naruto shake his head. "No. I won't leave. I'm right here."

"You don't want me anymore," which was probably a cruel thing to say, but I didn't understand why Naruto would stop things now, not entirely. We had almost been happy. I would do what he wanted. I would be what he wanted.

"No, I do. I changed my mind. You stay with me."

"What?" I held my breath.

"I changed my mind." He took a swallow. "You're right. I was just over thinking. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you."

I now couldn't breathe because of how hard Naruto was holding me, with all of his strength. I returned the hold. He could have crushed me if I let him. It was suffocating. He only loosened slightly when I held him even tighter, my chakra making itself known and he realized he was hurting me. The air that rushed into my lungs after was a loud sob. "I - So I'll be your girlfriend?"

"No," he said firmly. He took my face into his hands. The whirlwind of emotions I was feeling made it impossible to manage my tears. Naruto had to do several swipes with his hand to get them all, and still, they would not stop. "You were right. No, we need to keep you free. In case he comes back," Naruto tried to say it kindly with his sad smile but his words sent me sobbing harder.

"No!" I moaned. That was not what I had meant at all, but I was too emotional to know how to explain myself.

"Yes," Naruto nodded, tears in his own eyes. "But I'm still here. You still stay with me. Until he comes back. Okay?" I shook my head. He shushed me, trying to kiss my messy cheek as I moved it.

"I want you," I whimpered.

"I'm yours," he whispered back, still trying to kiss my cheeks and under my eyes dry. Eventually his mouth was on mine, and I latched on it desperately, chasing the fear that I would never be able to kiss him again. I felt Naruto push my back down onto the couch. I clawed at the back of his shirt. Our tears mingled together, kisses wet and loud sounding in the quiet dark.

When Naruto started removing my clothes hastily, in the back of my mind I knew we were not going about this in the right way. Naruto had tried to communicate something to me. We should be using our words.

But I was over eager to let him take me. I needed to prove that I wanted him, that I loved him. I helped kick off my bottoms before going for his next, then wrapped my legs tightly around his waist. He wouldn't be able to leave me. I wouldn't let him. With whatever movement Naruto did that allowed even an inch of space between us, I was up against him again. As my hands moved over his head and gripped his hair, I thought of how easy it would be for him to find someone else to love if he let it, how someone else could be touching his skin, how he could be kissing someone else in that sloppy wet way of his. I didn't want him to love someone else. Naruto had been chasing after me since we were six years old. How could he be somebody else's?

I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, that my voice was a raw groan when he entered me. All I could do was hold him as he moved, never letting our mouths be apart long enough for breath.

Afterwards, when Naruto stopped moving, he somehow still had energy to speak.

"I know you think you love me, but do you think that maybe... you just don't?" I wasn't sure if he knew I was still awake, as his voice was quiet and weak. I hadn't answered him, stunned by such a stupid question and my throat sore.