Chapter 21 - Lily's Letters

Minerva arrived back at her office door without any recollection how she had gotten there. She shook herself out of her reverie and sighed entering the room that was attached to her private quarters and slowly sank into her chair feeling every single one of her years.

Her eyes moved to the window that gave her the perfect view of the pitch and the forbidden forest beyond. She sighed remembering how daring and skilled James Potter had been on a broom. She couldn't help but wonder if young Harry would inherit his father's passion for flight. Speaking of inheritances she still felt off balance from the revelations of the day.

She cast a silent unlocking charm and removed a bottle of fire whiskey from her desk drawer, and poured herself a generous glass. She took a healthy swallow of the fiery liquid and glanced down at the sealed letter in her hand. A strange reluctance to read the missive overtook her. Sealed within, more evidence of her guilt. Her failures to her students' son. Tears again threatened to fall and she stiffened her spine and said aloud, "For Merlin's sake! Where's your Gryffindor courage?" And she touched the seal with her wand. The wax glowed for a moment, authenticating her identity and she withdrew the parchment and settled back to read.

Dear Minerva,

I realize it is odd for a person my age, new to the magical world, and without much status of my own, to leave a will. So this isn't that. It's my last request. I truly don't have much to pass on in the way of wealth anyway. Once I found out we were pregnant and because of the war, we started to think about what could happen to our son if the worst came to pass. Then James lost his parents our last year and my parents died in a mysterious fire. To say that we aren't in danger would be the basest form of denial. Recently, we have gone into hiding because that monster has targeted us. I hate the fact that Harry is in danger, and must face the real possibility that I will die protecting him.

If you are reading this, then the worst has happened and I am not here to raise my son. I hope I died courageously. I hope I died protecting my son, saving my son. But regardless of how I died, the responsibility for Harry's care will fall to those I trust and respect.

James always said you were like an Aunt to him, and you were one of my favorite teachers as well. Please don't tell Professor Slughorn that as I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. There are few I would trust to fill the void my absence will bring to Harry. He'll need all the family he can get, because my own family, my sister and her husband, despise all things and people magical. Harry is to have nothing to do with them.

If James and I both perish in this merlin-be-damned war, I have named Alice godmother, but it is my sincerest hope that no matter what, Harry has you in his life. And not just as a professor, but as a magical guardian. I am asking you to take an active role in Harry's upbringing. He will need family, mentors and trusted friends. He will need people who love him, People that will help prepare him for what is to come. I trust you to make sure that my son is well cared for and safe. I am entrusting you now with a truth that few know. Harry is destined to be that dark tosser's fall. Watch over him, Minerva. Help him. Protect him. Love him.

Please let my son know how much I love him. I wish I could have lived for him, but I'll settle for having died for him.

Love, Lily

The deputy headmistress let out a breath and her eyes scanned the letter and she placed it back in the envelope as if it was a precious artifact.

She smoothed the envelope with trembling fingers and then the anger came. "I told him they were the worst kind of muggles!" Her voice trembled with a mixture of rage and heartbreak. "Albus, you old fool!" With that, Minerva McGonagall stood, whipped out her wand, and marched out of her office looking much like a cat that had taken an unwanted bath. Her hands weren't fisted, they were clawed. as she made her way to the headmaster's domain. She fully intended to tell the old codger exactly where he could stick his bloody wand.

The revelations in Lily Potter's letter were making her sick to her stomach. There was a prophecy. That was the reason the Potters were targeted. Lily didn't say so directly, but only a fool could determine otherwise. Voldemort had learned of a prophecy about the Potter boy. She didn't believe in such nonsense. But apparently, Voldemort did. She rolled her eyes. Preposterous!

Augusta and Neville arrived back at Longbottom Manor through the floo. Neville's mind was whirling. He was grateful that he had known that he and Harry were godbrothers before the reading of the wills. He glanced at his grandmother as she led him to her sitting room. Panky greeted them, taking their traveling cloaks and his grandmother ordered tea for the both of them. Her expression seemed thoughtful and even sad but there was a brewing anger and strange fire in her he had not seen in her before.

He kept quiet as he drank his tea laced with plenty of honey and cream. He didn't like tea but would rather cut out his tongue than admit the fact to his grandmother. She was quite proud of her blend.

After some time, the dowager broke the silence. "Would you like to read your godmother's letter?" Augusta asked, looking at her grandson with some concern.

Neville nodded, sitting straighter in his chair, "Yes grandmother," meeting his grandmother's gaze head-on.

Augusta marveled at some of the small changes she had noticed in her grandson over the last few weeks. He was profiting from his friendship with Harry, as well as the tutorship of Mr. Lupin. Neville had always been shy. But he seemed to be coming out of his shell a bit. He was more confident and carefree. There was a hint of the young man he would become in unguarded moments she had observed. A small smile curved her lips and she said, "I was quite proud of how you conducted yourself today Neville."

Neville tried not to gape at the unconventional praise. "Thank you, grandmother." He smiled and she marveled at how seldom she got to see it. At that moment he reminded her strongly of Frank. A carefree happy child. She mentally reminded herself to stop comparing the boy to her son.

She nodded and handed him the envelope with his name on it. "To open it, tap your wand to the seal," she instructed. "Magic is about intent. Think upon who you are. If it helps, say your name."

He removed his father's wand from the wand holster Mr. Lupin had given him and under his grandmother's watchful eye he tapped the seal and stated his name. He watched as the seal burned away. His grandmother smiled at his expression of awe. "The Goblin's doing. Sticklers for protocol."

Neville withdrew several sheets of fine stationery and scanned the letter with an unsettled feeling. He had never imagined getting a letter from a dead person he didn't know. But this was Harry's mum. His godmother. For a moment, an uncharitable thought ran through his mind, wishing this was a letter from his own mum. All he got from her was bubble gum wrappers. But he still kept them. All of them. Imagining they were her way of telling him that she loved him.

His grandmother stood then and moved from the room, "I'll give you your privacy Neville," She excused herself from the room calling for the elves to help her change into day robes and perhaps a rest. Alice's letter would wait till she could read it to her in person.

She paused looking back at her grandson as he stood in deference to her rising from her chair. "And Neville, Mr. Lupin, and Harry will be here tomorrow to take you to Diagon Alley to purchase your new wand. Lord Black may be accompanying you as well."

Neville smiled, "Thank you, grandmother." He watched her leave and then decided he wanted to take the letter to read outside by the pond. Being in the gardens always soothed him. He would miss it when he was gone.

The day was warm but bearable. Regardless he shed his outer robe and spread it out beneath the tree, leaning against the smooth-barked Rowan. He was content for a while. Just listening to the sounds and letting the coolness of the garden soothe him into an almost zen-like state. Practicing the basic occlumency most pure blood heirs were forced to learn. Finally, he felt calm and started to read the letter Lily had left him.

Dearest Neville,

It is very difficult to write the words, 'if you are reading this it means I'm dead.' What a ridiculous sentence to write to someone who is in reality a beautiful baby boy. You are almost the same age as Harry. Alice, your mum and I were best friends in Hogwarts, and are still best friends today. I never had a great relationship with my sister, but Alice and I hit it off right away. Her laughter and smile are infectious. She's smart and brave and the kindest woman in the world. I will spare you all references to childbirth, and pregnancy but suffice it to say, it just made Alice and I closer, sharing that experience, and confiding our fears and hopes with each other. We swore that if anything were to happen to either of us, we would take care of each other's sons.

When Alice named me your godmother, I was so honored. I in turn couldn't have asked for a better godmother for Harry than your mum. She is such a wonderful human being. If I am gone, I hope you and Harry are there for each other and that you love and cherish your mum, cause she's a hero. She's one of the strongest women I know, except your wonderful grandmother perhaps.

Lady Augusta was there for us when others turned their backs. She's quite a force to be reckoned with and you should be quite proud of her. I watched her face down death eaters in Diagon Alley once, and all I can say is she made them regret it.

Almost every day Alice and I visited together before we had to go into hiding and watched you and Harry play together. You both are so adorable and I do not doubt that you both will grow into handsome, strong, and capable wizards. I just want you both to be happy. I want you to find all the love and joy the world has to offer.

We live in very uncertain times Neville. The war rages across Magical Britain and I fear for the future, but I know that where there is love, there is hope. I hope that you inherit a safe world. Your mum, dad, and so many others are trying their best to ensure it.

I have bequeathed to you a collection of letters your mother sent me while we were in school as well as quite a few pictures I have in my collection. She may not want you seeing all of these, especially the one that I snapped when she was sleeping with her mouth open and snoring like a banshee.

Have a wonderful life, Neville. Make all your dreams come true.

Love your godmother,

Lily.

Neville hungrily read the letter over and over again, relishing the words of encouragement from Lily. He felt a profound sense of sadness but he was also deeply grateful for Lily's letter. He had heard so much about his father from his grandmother, but less so regarding his mother. He knew that she was an Auror with the Ministry. Knew that she stood against He Who Must Not Be Named during the war. Knew that his father loved her, much to Augusta's chagrin. No woman was good enough for Frank it seemed. Though she later came to love Alice like a daughter he was informed.

Neville carefully folded the letter and leaned back looking into the branches of the Rowan tree spread above him. He imagined that he could almost remember playing with Harry on a sunbleached blanket spread out beneath this very tree. He imagined he could hear the joined laughter of two women as they looked over the babies playing upon the blanket.

Suddenly Neville sat up as upon a branch above him he spied a bowtruckle. He blinked thinking perhaps he was imagining things as it seemed to him the tree guardian was watching him. "Hello." He called quietly, digging in his pocket for anything he could use to entice the creature. A biscuit he had snagged from the tea tray came to hand and he broke off a crumb and offered it.

The creature tentatively approached and he watched in fascination as it took small crumbs from his palm. It was only for a moment, but Neville felt a thrill. Once satiated, the tree guardian climbed back into the branches as Neville tracked its progress. Suddenly a small tree branch about the length of Neville's body fell with a crack and landed on the ground beside him.

Neville looked at it for a moment and then back at the bowtruckle. The creature slowly nodded its insect-like head to him, in a strange gesture of respect, before disappearing into the leafy branches and blooms of the Wiggin tree. Neville instinctively knew this was an offering that he should not spurn.

The long branch as thick as his arm was graced with pink blooms and berries just turning red. The bark was white and gray and he gently bent to touch the soft striated texture. It felt warm and still alive to him, sending tingles of recognition through his core. He let his eyes move to the tree and mouthed the words that came unbidden to his lips. "Thank you for your gift. I will carry it with honor." Finally, he took the branch and headed back to the house, a sense of purpose to his stride.

Severus Snape left Gringotts quickly and was currently locked in his chambers, a complete wreck. Lily's letter sat unopened beside him but he studiously avoided it. Instead, he nursed his grudges, childish hurts, and pain while working desperately to drown himself in whiskey. He glared into the glass as if it had offended him.

"Potter." He growled. "Will I never be free of you? Will you haunt me forever?" The rhetorical question hung in the air unanswered. "Lily. Will you ever set me free?" He glared at the unopened letter and then growled and snatched it, placing his wand upon the seal with the force one might apply the torture curse. The seal glowed golden for a moment and then dissolved beneath his wand tip. Identity confirmed, he withdrew the parchment and let his eyes move unbidden to the very last line. Love Lily.

Trembling and with a heavy heart he read the letter. Each pen stroke felt like the crucio. 'My fault.' He shook his head. She didn't know it was my fault. With the self-recriminations rising like bile unbidden to his lips he read Lily's last words to him.

Dear Severus,

I remember once you telling me it was jealousy that drove Petunia to treat me as she does. I didn't believe you at the time. I thought you were being mean. But I have reconsidered. And I think you knew Petunia's motivations better than I did because you recognize those same motivations within yourself. Takes one to know one right?

The thing is Severus, you were jealous of a lot of things when we were kids. Jealous of the kids dressed in nice clothes when you were forced to wear second hand. Jealous of families that "loved" each other. Jealous of those that lived in nicer neighborhoods or had nicer things. You had a right to feel jealous. It was normal wanting what others took for granted. But you were never jealous of me. Not once.

I always saw you like a brother, and I know that you saw me like a sister. We talked about it. We spoke at length about how we felt about each other. James was jealous of our friendship. Our kinship. Because he saw it as romantic.

I never saw it that way. We never saw it that way. We were family. Petunia didn't like you because she saw you as stealing me away from her. James didn't like you because he saw you as someone who could steal me away. You didn't like James and Petunia the same way. I felt like a prize to be won, rather than a person to be loved. That is why our friendship broke. And I blame myself as much as you and James. We all made mistakes.

If you are reading this then I didn't survive this bloody war. You shouldn't blame yourself. I knew it was dangerous to take a stand against him. But I'm a muggleborn witch and I can't help that. Nothing I do will ever change my blood status and as much as I know you want me to, I can't run away. This is my fight as much as it is anyone else's. If I die in this fight, then you have to know it was BY CHOICE!

Now, I'm leaving you some things and I pray that you do some good in the world with them. I have been working on a cure for lycanthropy. And before you dismiss my research out of hand, I would challenge you to build on my work. If you are reading this letter then I didn't get to finish my research. I think it is possible. The wolfsbane potion was stumbled upon by accident. I intend to do much better. I pass on my research and give you first crack at the problem. I know you, Severus. Bet you're intrigued. Dying of curiosity and hiding it behind that pureblood mask of yours. Also, I convinced James to put a million galleon bounty on the cure. Bet you are just dying to collect from the Potter vault.

I know that your hatred for all things Potter is all-encompassing, but I'm going to ask you not to judge my son by James. Harry is not his father. He is not his mother. He is just Harry. A beautiful little boy who will need all the love and guidance he can get from people I trust.

I trust you more than I trust anyone, Severus. I forgive you and pray that you forgive me as well. Take care of my son. Let him know how much I loved him. You are the only person that knew me before Hogwarts, who knew me when I was just Lily and you were just her Prince.

Love, Lily

The cacophony of memories and mood swings brought on by reading Lily's letter sent him into a drunken stupor for days. It wasn't until Minerva was banging on his door to attend a mandatory teachers' conference that he emerged from the dungeon. His mood was so surly that all but the head of Gryffindor avoided him like the plague.

Harry, Sirius, and Remus sat at the kitchen table staring at their identical letters. They had decided to read the letters together. Mostly because Sirius and Remus wanted to be there for Harry.

Both eagerness and reluctance were tugging at their emotional walls. Harry stared at his letter eagerly. His thoughts were in turmoil. He had lots of questions that he peppered his guardians with when they had gotten home. He wanted better explanations for his father's apology tour to several of the attendees, which led to long explanations regarding the long-lived feud between the Marauders and Professor Snape. The way they bullied Severus Snape who would be Harry's potions teacher at Hogwarts was explained.

"So, you treated him like Dudley treated me?" Harry finally asked in a small voice laced with disappointment. That question had both the marauders feeling like Shite for days. Though they couldn't deny that they did just that. They were bullies to Severus Snape. Harry had been uncharacteristically quiet after that with both of them.

Harry had excused himself for a few hours and had only just recently emerged from his bolt hole of a box to discuss reading Lily's letters. Tough questions aside, the letters sat before them like indictments. Harry however thought it looked like a promise. He reached for his envelope and Remus led him through the process of opening his letter.

He felt his throat close up from unshed tears and his vision blurred making it impossible for him to read, so he handed the letter over to Remus and asked, "Can you please read it to me."

Remus smiled at Harry in understanding and took the letter and read it aloud to Harry who listened raptly to every word.

Dear Harry,

There are no words that I can say that will make this better. But wisdom earned is only valuable if you can share it. So my beloved son, what wise words of wisdom can I pass on to you?

Love, a lot! Love the people that love you. Give them your trust. Give them your respect. Someday you will lead them, but until then, let them guide you. And when the time is right, find a girl that will love you for yourself. A true companion of the heart and mind. Someone who will challenge you to be your best self.

Enjoy every moment. Your life is yours, Harry. Live it. Don't let fear keep you from making friends or taking risks. Just wear a helmet if you ride on Sirius's stupid motorcycle. Try to be careful love, but don't be afraid to have a little fun along the way. If you are anything like me, you might be afraid to take chances. Notice I didn't say anything about breaking the rules.

Finally, my beloved son. You are my heart. Having you has shifted my entire focus. There is no one in the world more important to me than you. I don't know how I died Harry, but I hope I struck a blow against the darkness. I hope you know Harry, if I died in this war, it was because of how much I love you. If I couldn't live for you, then I can settle for dying for you.

I would prefer to be here for you. There are so many dreams I have for our future. I dream of holding my grandbabies. I dream of watching you graduate. I dread sending you off to Hogwarts though. I want to keep you close always. I dream of watching you get married and someday watching you take your seat on the council. I dream of seeing you fly like your father on a broom. Already you are quite the flier. Just ask Sylvestor our cat.

I have arranged for numerous loved ones to look after you should the worst come to pass. Alice Longbottom, your godmother was my best friend in Hogwarts and as my most trusted friend will take you in and raise you. Sirius is your godfather and loves you very much. Then there are close loved ones like Remus, Peter, Professor McGonagall, Professor Flitwick, Andromeda and Ted Tonks, and Severus Snape, all of whom I trust implicitly and encourage you to trust as well.

Finally my darling, the future isn't set in stone. No one can predict what your life will be. You have a choice. You are no one's pawn. You are the son of Lily and James Potter. We love you just as you are and always will.

Love your mum, Lily

Sirius and Remus didn't read their letters that night. It would be quite a while before Harry got around to asking about them. They spent the rest of the night drinking hot cocoa and simply trying to stitch a broken family into a whole.

Harry cried himself to sleep that night sandwiched between Remus and Sirius as they took turns telling him wonderful stories about his mother and father. They all woke up that way in the morning complaining of sore muscles and cricked necks.

Lady Longbottom's note arrived via owl before they had finished breakfast and they planned yet another trip to the Alley to get Neville a new wand.