J
I spend the rest of the afternoon helping my mother clean. It keeps my mind occupied. She never once asks why I'm not at school. I guess she's leaving the mundane things up to me now. When it's time to pick Leo and Kel up, Lisa still isn't home. I bring both of the boys back to the house and we begin another discussion on Halloween costumes.
"I know what I want to be now," Kel says to my mother.
She is folding clothes in the living room. She lays a towel on the back of the couch and looks at Kel, "What are you going to be, Sweetie?"
He smiles at her. "Your lung cancer," he says.
She is so used to the things that come out of Kel's mouth, she doesn't skip a beat.
"Oh yeah? Do they sell those at Wal-Mart?"
"I don't think so," he says as he grabs a drink out of the refrigerator. "Maybe you could make it. I want to be a lung."
"Hey," Leo says. "Can I be the other lung?"
My mom laughs as she grabs a pen and paper off the bar and sits down. "Well, I guess we better figure out how to sew a pair of cancerous lungs."
Kel and Leo flock to her and start spitting out ideas.
"Mom," I say flatly. "You're not."
She looks up from her sketch at me and smiles. "Nini, if my baby boy wants to be a cancerous lung for Halloween, then I'm going to make sure he's the best cancerous, tumor-ridden lung there is."
I roll my eyes and join them at the bar, writing down a list of the supplies we'll need.
After we return from the store with the supplies and materials needed for the cancerous lung costumes, Lisa pulls up in her driveway.
"Lisa!" Leo runs across the street and grabs her hand, pulling her toward our house. "Wait 'till you see this!"
Lisa helps my mother and I grab the supplies out of the trunk and we all head inside.
"Guess what we're going to be? For Halloween?" Leo is beaming as he stands in the kitchen, pointing at the supplies on the floor.
"Uh…"
"Julia's cancer!" Leo says, excitedly.
Lisa raises her eyebrows and glances at my mother who has just returned from her bedroom with a sewing machine.
"You only live once, right?" She places the sewing machine on the bar.
"She's letting us make the tumors for the lungs," Kel says. "You wanna make one? I'll let you make the big one."
"Uh…"
"Kel," I say. "Lisa and Leo can't help, they'll be out of town all weekend." I carry two of the sacks to the bar and start unpacking them.
"Actually," Lisa replies as she grabs the other sacks off the floor. "That was before I found out we were making lung cancer. I think we'll have to reschedule our trip."
Leo runs over to Lisa and hugs her. "Thanks, Lisa. They're gonna need to measure me while they're making it anyway. I've been growing a lot."
And once again, for the third time this week, we're one big happy family.
We have most of the hand drawn patterns cut and it's time to get the boys measurements. "Where's your measuring tape?" I ask my mother.
"I don't know," she says. "I don't know if I have one, actually."
"Lisa has one, we can use hers," I say. "Lisa do you mind getting it?"
"I have measuring tape?" she asks.
"Yes, it's in your sewing kit," I say.
"I have a sewing kit?"
"It's in your laundry room."
I can't believe she doesn't know this. I clean her house once and I can tell her where everything is better than she can? "It's next to the sewing machine on the shelf behind your mother's patterns. I put them in chronological order according to pattern nu-nevermind," I say as I stand up. "I'll just show you."
"You put her patterns in chronological order?" My mother asks, perplexed.
I turn back to her as we're headed to the door. "I was having a bad day."
Lisa and I head across the street and I use the opportunity to ask her about what happened with her internship. I didn't want to ask her in front of Leo, because I wasn't sure if she had said anything to her.
"I got a slap on the wrist," she says as we walk inside. "They told me since I was defending another student, they couldn't really hold it against me."
"That's good. What about your internship?" I say as I walk through the kitchen and into the laundry room where I grab the sewing kit.
"Well, it's a little tricky. The only available ones they had are here in Ypsilanti, but they were all primary. My major is secondary, so I've been placed at a school in Detroit."
I pause what I'm doing and look at her.
"What's that mean? Are y'all moving?"
She sees the worry cross my face and she laughs. "No, Nini, we're not moving. It's just for eight weeks. I'll be doing a lot of driving, though. I was actually going to talk to you and your mom about it later. I'm not going to be able to take the boys to school, or pick them up either. I'll be gone a lot. I know this isn't a good time to ask for your help-"
"Stop it." I grab the tape measure and return the contents into the box. "You know we'll help."
Lisa follows me as I walk back to the laundry room and replace the sewing kit next to the sewing machine. My hand brushes against the patterns that are neatly stacked in chronological order as I recall all the cleaning and alphabetizing I did the previous weekend. Is it possible, that maybe I had a momentary lapse of sanity? I shake my head and reach over and flick off the light switch when I run into Lisa. She's leaning against the doorframe with her head resting against the wall. It's dark now, since I've switched off the light, but her face is slightly illuminated by the glow from the kitchen behind her.
A warm sensation flows through me as I try not to get my hopes up. She's got that look in her eyes again.
"Last night," she whispers. "When I saw Javi kissing you…" Her voice trails off and she is silent for a moment. "I thought you were kissing him back."
It's hard when she's in such close proximity, but I do my best to focus and process her confession. If she thought I was allowing it to happen, then why did she pull Javi off of me? Why did she punch her? Then it hits me. Lisa wasn't defending me last night, she was jealous.
"Oh," is all I can say.
"I didn't know the whole story until this morning, when you told your version," she says as she continues to block my way; making me stand in the dark.
"God, Nini. I can't tell you how pissed I was. I wanted to hurt him so bad. And now? Now that I know he really was hurting you, I want to kill him." she turns away from me and rests her back against the doorframe.
I think back on last night and the emotions Lisa must have been experiencing. To be professing her love for me on stage one minute and then thinking I was making out with Javi the next. No wonder she was so pissed on the drive home.
She's still blocking my way. Not that I plan on running anywhere. My entire body is tense, not knowing what she's about to say or do. I try to relax as I exhale. My breathing has increased so rapidly in the last minute, my lungs are starting to ache again as the knot in my back reminds me of its presence.
"How did you-" I stutter. "How'd you know I was there?"
She turns and faces me, placing both hands on either side of the doorframe. Her height and the way she has me blocked in are intimidating, but in a very good way.
"I saw you. When I finished my piece, I saw you leaving."
My knees start to fail me so I place my hand on the dryer behind me for support. She knows I saw her perform. Why is she telling me this? I do my best not to get my hopes up, but maybe since she is no longer my teacher, we can finally be together. Maybe that's what she's trying to tell me.
"Lisa, does this mean-"
She takes a step toward me, leaving no space between us. Her fingers brush against my cheek as she studies my face with her eyes. I place my hands against her chest as she wraps her arms around me and pulls me to her. I try to take a step away from her so I can finish my question but her body presses me against the dryer.
Just as I try to ask her again, she brings her lips to mine. I immediately stop resisting and I let her kiss me. My entire body becomes weak as my arms fall to my side and I drop the measuring tape on the floor.
She grabs my waist as she lifts me up and sets me down on top of the dryer. Our faces are even now. She kisses me like she's making up for an entire month of stolen kisses. I can't tell where my hands end and her begin as we both frantically pull at each other, our hands exploring each other's bodies. I wrap my legs around her waist and pull her mouth to my neck so I can catch my breath. All the feelings I have for her come rushing back. I try to hold back tears as I realize just how much I really do love her. Oh my god, I love her. I'm in love with Lisa Manoban.
I no longer try to control my breathing; it would be pointless.
"Lisa," I say as she continues exploring my neck with her lips. "Does this mean…does it mean we don't have to pretend…anymore?" I'm breathing so heavily I can barely form a cohesive sentence. "We can be…together? Since you're not…since you're not my teacher?"
Her hands soften their hold on by back as her lips slowly close and pull away from my neck. I try to pull her back into me but she resists. She puts her hands on my calves and unlocks my legs from around her waist as she backs up and leans against the wall behind her, avoiding my eyes.
My hands grip the edges of the dryer as I slide off with a jerk. "Lisa?" I say as I take a step toward her.
The light from the kitchen casts a shadow across her face but I can see her jaw-it's clenched. Her eyes are full of shame as she looks at me apologetically.
"Lisa? Tell me. Do the rules still apply?"
She doesn't have to answer me-I can tell by her reaction that they do.
"Nini," she says quietly. "I had a weak moment, I'm sorry."
I shove my hands into her chest.
"A weak moment? That's what you call this? A weak moment?" I yell. "What were you gonna do, Lisa? When were you gonna stop making out with me and kick me out of your house this time?" I spin and turn out of the laundry room and make my way through the kitchen.
"Nini, don't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It won't happen again, I swear."
I stop and turn toward her. "You're damn right it won't! I finally accepted it, Lisa. After an entire month of torture, I was finally able to be around you again. Then you go and do this! I can't do it anymore," I cry. "The way you consume my mind when we aren't together? I don't have time for it anymore. I've got more important things to think about now than your little weak moments."
I cross the living room and open the front door and pause. "Get me the measuring tape," I say calmly.
"Wh-what?" she says.
"It's on the damn floor! Get me the measuring tape!"
I hear her footsteps fade as she walks to the laundry room. She retrieves the measuring tape and brings it back to me. As she places it in my grasp, she squeezes my hand.
"Don't make me the bad guy, Nini. Please."
I pull my hand away from her. "Well you're certainly not the martyr, anymore."
I turn and walk out, slamming the door behind me. I cross the street and don't look back to see if she's watching me. I don't care anymore.
I pause at our entryway and take a deep breath as I wipe my eyes. I open the front door to our home, put a smile across my face, and help my mother make her very last Halloween costumes.