Friday October 3, 1997

As she relaxed back into the leather couch of her new husband's family jet Carly smiled at the way the light caught and cascaded from the diamond on her finger. Yes, Caroline, you have arrived! Or at least that was what the ring seemed to scream at her. It was all certainly a far cry from the Miami trailer park of her childhood. That sent a shiver of excitement, or perhaps it was regret, down her spine. Carly couldn't honestly be sure which. She glanced at her wedding ring set once more a bit more wistfully.

"Are you cold?" Ned asked. He didn't wait for her answer but stood and quickly spread the velvet blanket over her.

"Thanks," Carly offered absently. She wasn't quite ready to share her thoughts. She supposed Ned must have sensed that because he returned almost as quickly to the table where he had set up his laptop and spread out most of the contents of his briefcase.

They were returning from their "working honeymoon". They had spent five days just outside of Bingham Canyon, Utah while Ned met with his relatives, Quentin and Celia Quartermaine, the father daughter team that was running ELQ-West. While Ned mapped out the future of ELQ, or something like that, Carly had spent three full, yet luxuriating, days at the Spa and even managed to find a few shops in downtown West Jordan. She had overhauled her wardrobe in preparation for becoming a good Quartermaine wife.

A good Quartermaine wife? Carly could only laugh at the concept, and involuntarily a chuckle escaped her lips. There wasn't anything good about Caroline Benson Ashton and she sensed her mother in law, the Honorable Tracy Quartermaine-Grabler, knew that. The family court judge hadn't exactly come out and said that. But the look in her eyes as she embraced Carly after the small ceremony had basically screamed, I am so onto you!

Or at least that was what Carly had heard. She was sure everyone else, even Virginia, would report that they had heard Tracy welcome her to the family and assure her that the entire Quartermaine family loved Ned and they would certainly come to love anyone Ned loved so fiercely. Perhaps that had been the problem because Carly knew that Ned didn't love her fiercely. He didn't love her at all. Perhaps his mother knew that. Perhaps she had noted that, although sweet, and probably even heartfelt, Ned's vows had carefully avoided any mention of the word love. He had instead focused on the providing and protecting aspects of husbandry. He had vowed to help her create a safe and loving home for their children. He had been kind enough, or perhaps just tactful enough, to not point out that had circumstances been different he would be honoring those vows, with love included, with another woman.

Of course, if circumstances were different, Carly wanted to believe she wouldn't be marrying Ned. She wanted to believe she would be marrying Ned's cousin. Perhaps Ned would have even stood up for them. Or not…

Unfortunately, circumstances weren't different. Six days earlier she had married Edward Lawrence Ashton and she was going to have to figure out how to be a good Quartermaine wife.

Carly rolled her eyes at that notion and reframed. No, she was going to have to figure out how to pull the wool over her mother in law's eyes. That might actually be more challenging but Carly had an idea it could also be a whole lot more fun. She had told Jason that if she had to be in a loveless marriage for the sake of her child she needed excitement. She supposed keeping Mommy Dearest at bay might serve that purpose. That hadn't exactly been what she had been referring to when she had been talking to Jason though.

XXXXXXXX

Keesha Ward sighed as she stood in the rose garden at her boyfriend's parents' home. As it had been a very mild autumn, many of the rose bushes were still in full bloom and AJ's grandmother had thought it would be wonderful if some of her own roses could be incorporated into the dinner party she was holding for his cousin Ned and his new bride that evening at the PC Grille.

"So, AJ said something about yellow being Carly's favorite color?" Keesha asked as she snipped a yellow rose. She was careful to leave a long stem to allow Lila to arrange at will, as she had heard the older woman call it.

"If he says so," Brenda Barrett said as she snipped roses from a different bush.

"He said the entire church was full of yellow roses at their wedding," Keesha said.

Ned and Carly had married in a small church ceremony in Florida. Apparently, Carly's mother wasn't in good health and Ned had been afraid she wasn't well enough to travel somewhere. AJ had pointed out that a small ceremony in Florida on short notice had also eliminated most of the Quartermaine guest list. His own parents had been unable to attend as his cardiologist mother and surgeon father had both had on call responsibilities. Even his grandparents had been forced to decline as Lila hadn't felt up to making the trip and Edward had stayed home with her. Keesha had been invited, as AJ's date, but less than forty-eight hours of notice hadn't exactly been enough to find someone to cover for her at Ward House. So, in the end, the entire Quartermaine contingent consisted of only AJ plus Ned's mother, her second husband, psychiatrist, Dr. Ryan Grabler, and their two children eleven-year-old Dylan and six-year-old Shannon.

"Yeah, you didn't see that when Ned married Lois," Brenda said.

Keesha remembered Ned's wedding to Lois Cerullo too. At the time she had thought it was the most romantic out of a storybook, fairytale wedding. They had both looked so in love and as she had danced in Jason's arms, she had imagined what their own wedding might be like someday.

That someday never came. Almost two years after Lois and Ned's happy day, Jason's parents were both killed when their car was struck by a drunk driver. Jason had also been in the car, but he survived. Or at least in the literal sense he had. Initially Keesha had rejoiced over that, especially since the accident had happened right on the heels of her grandmother's death and she just hadn't been able to face losing another person she loved. Except she had anyway, because Jason couldn't remember the life he had lived before, or the love they had shared. She had tried to be patient, love him, and pray that they would find their way through a horrible situation together.

Except they hadn't. Her love hadn't inspired or encouraged him. It had just made him frustrated enough to overturn a table at Luke's and escape out into the cold early March night. There he met Sonny Corinthos who spotted him cab fare and gave the driver the address for his aunt's house on Lilac Drive, because Jason hadn't remembered that himself.

That had been the night that Keesha had started to wonder if perhaps the Jason she had known and loved really was gone forever like his parents. She hadn't given up though, not then. She hadn't even wanted to give up three days later when he all but raped her in the home gym at the Quartermaine mansion. AJ and Brenda had heard her scream and they had both walked in before Jason had gotten too far. At least in some senses they had. In other senses a line had been crossed and Keesha had been forced to accept the sad reality that her relationship with Jason Morgan had to be over.

Although it was eighteen months later the memories of that time still hurt. Sometimes Keesha was afraid they always would. She forced herself to let go of them and continue the conversation with Brenda. "AJ said that Ned really looked happy though. I hope he is. I hope they are," she said.

"AJ thought Sonny looked happy when he married Lily," Brenda said pointedly.

"That was the last thing Jason and I went to together before the accident," Keesha said.

Brenda turned away from the rose bush and met her eyes fully. "Sorry, I really wasn't thinking about that. I wouldn't have brought it up otherwise," she whispered.

"I know, and it's ok. I've mostly accepted that the man I loved is gone, but I don't think that means I have to pretend the love we shared was never there because it was. So, yeah, it's a little bittersweet to remember that goofy grin Jason had when I caught the bouquet at that wedding, and perhaps more bittersweet if I know that he had even picked out my ring at Barrington Jewelers. But the truth is, as hard as it is, every moment of our lives, whether born of joy or pain has the potential for grace realized. We can't hide from the memories; we have to learn from some and we have to draw hope and strength from others and that is grace realized!"

"Exactly, my dear. Your grandmother was such a dear friend and such an inspiration to all of us. Her spirit clearly lives on in you and your cousins," Lila Quartermaine said as she whirred into the rose garden on her motorized scooter.

"Maybe that is why, other than at Ward House, I feel closest to GranMae right here in this rose garden," Keesha said. Her grandmother and Lila Quartermaine had been friends almost longer than Keesha had been alive. Together they had founded the original Chapparal County Children's Home with a grant from the Charles Street Foundation in 1982. Keesha remembered wearing a purple sundress and watching her grandmother cut the ribbon looped across the front door. She had been almost six and it had been the first summer she spent with her grandmother. After that all of her childhood summers were spent in Port Charles. She remembered many lazy summer days sipping lemonade in the Quartermaine rose garden while her grandmother and Lila talked, swimming in the Quartermaine pool with AJ, and later Robin Scorpio.

"You're always welcome here, dear. I hope you know that. Now, let's see what we can do with these roses," Lila said.

XXXXXXXX

Carly burrowed under the blanket as she watched her husband toggle through spreadsheets on his laptop. It was almost a little entertaining the way Ned could get so engrossed in his work that the outside world seemingly disappeared. She wondered if it had always been like that for him. Jason had never talked much about his family. At first, she hadn't thought much of that. They were just having sex without strings so why would he need to share any of himself with her? He was in love with St. Robin and she was hell bent on seducing her mother's husband there couldn't be a future for them. She had tried to convince herself she was ok with that. She had failed.

Then, when Tony had left Bobbie for her, she had assured herself that she was finally going to be happy. But she wasn't, not unless she was hiding out with Jason in his room above Jake's. She had tried to convince herself that her pregnancy would fill the missing piece in her relationship with Tony. Yet, even then, she had feared it wouldn't be, couldn't be. She wasn't exactly maternal. She had tried to rationalize that she could give Tony something Bobbie couldn't, another child. Except that hadn't really been true, because she had been quite certain the baby wasn't really Tony's. After her clandestine amnio at Mercy she had been positive the baby wasn't really Tony's. Initially she had kept that to herself because Jason had made it very clear that he didn't want their situation to change. She knew he wouldn't leave Robin for her.

It had only been when Jason had nearly died over the summer, after being shot in some mob skirmish, that Carly had revealed that her child was their child. Almost losing Jason had only made her feelings stronger, bolder, and more brazen. So, she had played her best card and she had hoped that perhaps he might leave Robin for his child. Unfortunately, even that hadn't been enough.

July 7, 1997

Carly Roberts thought of all the people she didn't want to run into as she came through the sliding doors of the main entrance to Port Charles General Hospital. It had been almost three months since she had been caught in bed with another woman's husband. Bobbie Jones, who had again become Bobbie Spencer after the divorce, was the OR nurse manager and still shot daggers at Carly months later. It had been almost two months since she had officially failed out of nursing school. She was sure her former classmates were scattered all over the hospital doing their nursing clinicals. She certainly didn't want to see any of them. It had been three weeks since she had been fired, from her job as a PT tech, for unprofessional conduct-having sex while on the clock. At least that was how Chief of Staff Dr. Alan Quartermaine had worded things in her dismissal letter. Somehow Carly had a feeling that it was less what she had been doing, and more who, or maybe it was whom she had never done well in grammar in school, she was doing that had most influenced Alan's decision. If she had been caught grinding with someone other than Alan's best friend Bobbie Spencer's former husband would he have been so quick to dismiss her? Carly thought not.

Tony had agreed with her, or at least he had said that. He had also said it was really for the best because he knew she wouldn't want to work after their daughter was born. He was convinced the child she was carrying was going to be a girl. He talked about the wonderful new family he was going to create with his new wife and daughter. They were supposed to get married in August and he had already bought an apartment in Sunset View, the new high-rise complex on Sunset Avenue, for them.

In spite of Tony's support, he actually headed the list of people she was hoping not to run into. That had almost been enough to keep her away, but only almost. She had to see Jason! She had to know he was really ok. That had been her only thought since she had heard about the shooting that had happened over the long holiday weekend. Jason-he had to be ok.

As she stepped into the West Elevators that would take her to the 4 West ICU she felt the baby move. She wondered if somehow her child, a boy according to the clandestine amniocentesis, knew they were going to see their father. She decided they did and then she made an even more impulsive decision. She was going to tell Jason the truth.

When the elevator doors opened on the fourth floor Carly immediately saw Lila Quartermaine flanked by her two oldest granddaughters, Allison and Emily Quartermaine. They were two of the three Quartermaine grandchildren who hadn't been born in Port Charles. Allison had been born in Philadelphia while her mother, Dr. Monica Quartermaine, had been doing her cardiology fellowship and Emily, who had only been adopted into the Quartermaine family after her mother's death in 1994, had been born in Boston. Their much older cousin Ned had been born in London while his mother had been married to some English monarch. Some speech writer had worked those largely irrelevant details into the speech Edward Quartermaine had given when he donated money for the hospital's neonatology expansion earlier in the year.

"Miss Roberts, it is so nice to see you again, dear," Lila Quartermaine said brightly. Her eyes twinkled as she smiled.

Carly wondered if Lila might truly mean that. Most of the rest of Port Charles had labeled her a home wrecking slut when the news of her affair with Tony had gone public and, in most cases, Carly wasn't sure she could have cared less. Lila was different somehow. Carly could see how much she meant to Jason and she remembered how much it had meant to her when Jason had introduced her to his great aunt a few months earlier. It had been the day she had gotten the letter telling her she was officially expelled from the PCU nursing program. She hadn't really cared about that; nursing had never really been her goal but somehow the expulsion had still hurt. Then she and Tony had an awful fight so she had gone to Jake's looking for Jason. He had been on his way to visit Lila and had let her tag along. Carly suspected he had let her come because he hadn't had time to argue with her but she pushed that thought from her mind. He had let her come, that was the important thing. "It is nice to see you too, Mrs. Quartermaine," she finally said.

"Please, call me Lila, dear. As I told you before, any friend of Jason's is a friend of mine. I suspect you are here to see him. Dr. Breslin says he is doing much better they are going to move him out of the ICU tomorrow."

Carly smiled at the information and that Lila had shared it so readily. Technically Lila was Jason's Great Aunt, but she seemed to consider him more of a grandson. Perhaps she would consider their baby her great grandson, she smiled a little more at that thought. "That's wonderful!" she said.

"Yes, miracles happen every day," Allison Quartermaine said. Her smile looked much more forced.

Carly doubted either of Dr. Alan Quartermaine's daughters were happy to see her. They were both best friends with Lucky Spencer, so she was sure that they shared Lucky's perspective that she was just the tramp who broke up his Aunt Bobbie's marriage.

"Yes, they do, dear. But now we mustn't keep Reginald waiting any longer. Goodbye, Carly," Lila said.

Emily and Allison parroted their grandmother's salutation in unison and Carly added her own. She started to reach to hold open the elevator door, but Allison stepped into place first as Emily pushed their grandmother's chair forward.

As the doors closed on the Quartermaines Carly realized that Emily and Allison were the kind of girls she and her friends would have mocked when she had been their ages. She wasn't thirteen anymore and suddenly she was jealous of the connection they had to each other and the rest of their family. With that thought she started towards the one person she felt the strongest connection to.

XXXXXXX

"Jase?" Carly whispered cautiously when she stepped into Jason's room. She ignored the glare from the nurse seated at the counter outside. She was probably one of Bobbie's friends or something.

Carly smiled when piercing blue eyes greeted her. "I'm so glad you're alright! Tony and I went away for the holiday weekend and I didn't know until I saw the paper this morning. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't made it, Jase"

"I'm fine," Jason said.

"So, what happened?" Carly asked.

"Not important," Jason said.

Carly disagreed but decided to let that go. She noted that the nurse who had been sitting just outside the door must have stepped into another patient's room. She took advantage of the resulting privacy. "There is something I need to tell you, Jase, I'm not carrying Tony's child. This is your baby, your son."

Jason blinked several times in rapid succession, but he didn't speak.

"Jase?"

"I heard what you said."

"Ok, so are you going to say anything?" Carly asked.

"I'll keep your secret if what you want is to raise the baby with Dr. Jones."

As she stood by Jason's bed Carly knew it wasn't what she really wanted. She had thought she did once and she wasn't quite brave enough to admit that she had been wrong. "You would do that?" she asked.

"My life is dangerous and it isn't really suited for a child."

"Is that why you're with Robin, because she won't ever be able to have kids because of the HIV?" Carly asked. She regretted her words when she saw the way Jason's face hardened. He was very protective of his St. Robin. "What if I wanted to raise the baby with you?" she asked.

"I thought you said you loved Dr. Jones."

Did she love Tony? Carly wasn't sure about that. She knew she didn't love him the way she loved Jason. Unfortunately, Jason didn't love her the way he loved Robin. "I guess I can't force you to be a part of your son's life," Carly said. She wasn't sure she really believed that. She was sure she wasn't ready to stop trying.

"It isn't that I don't want the baby. I'm just saying that maybe the best thing I can do for my baby is to just get out of the way. You know if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you," Jason promised.

Carly had clung to the last part of his words, then she had taken some advice from her adoptive father. She had dropped back and punted. She had gone forward with her wedding plans with Tony but another of their horrible fights pushed things back. They had finally planned to elope, but another fight derailed that wedding attempt as well. It had been then that Tony had admitted he didn't love her and he didn't think he really ever had.

That shouldn't have shocked her, but it had somehow. Unfortunately, it had only gotten worse. Tony hadn't been angry he had been furious. He had insisted he would raise his daughter by himself. She could give up her parental rights or he would sue for custody. It was her choice he had insisted, and then he had flown back to Port Charles alone. That had brought her back to Jason, and then into a marriage of convenience with Jason's cousin, Ned. It still wasn't what she wanted but it was what had to happen for her to keep their baby away from Tony. She would do anything for that, anything.