Brenda Barrett stood in front of the closet in her suite in the East Wing of the Quartermaine Mansion and exhaled with frustration. She had a closet full of clothes and nothing she really wanted to wear. If only that could be a good excuse to skip Ned and Carly's reception, then she would have something. Except it wasn't, so she didn't. That was kind of the story of her life.

As her cell phone started to ring she slid another rejected dress back into the closet and reached for the phone that laid on the top of her dresser. "Hello," she said as she started to rifle through her closet again.

"Brenda, it's Miguel."

"Miguel! Where are you?"

"I'm calling you from Caracas," Miguel said.

"Is that the final stop on your South American tour?" Brenda asked. Technically her best friend was still Miguel's agent but recently Lois had turned most of the day to day aspects of Bensonhurst Records over to some new studio executive, Tucker McCall. Miguel's current tour had been arranged by some music mogul Frank Zapata and Brenda had a sense that Lois wasn't much more up on the details of his itinerary than she was.

"Not exactly, on Sunday I travel to San Cristobal and then on to Brazil. I won't be back in the states until the end of October."

"Oh, somehow I didn't realize your tour was quite so long. I was kind of hoping you would come with me to that benefit for the Stone Cates Memorial Wing. I don't really want to bring Jax and Ned had another momentary lapse and decided to marry Carly. So, I guess, he will be taking her."

"That is part of why I'm calling you. Where did Ned and Carly register? I wanted to send a gift, but my assistant couldn't find a registry listing."

"You have an assistant?" Brenda asked. She abandoned her dress search, sunk down to the loveseat in her room, and brought her knees up to her chin.

"Yes, Candy, she means well," Miguel said.

"But she's kind of clueless?"

"You could say that. That new studio executive guy hired her. He saw something in her I'm missing at the moment."

Brenda laughed. Diplomacy was Miguel's middle name, well, unless it came to Sonny but that was not a direction she wanted the conversation to go in. "Perhaps he likes his women clueless, some guys do," she said.

Her father would probably fit into that category. She had heard her sister Julia referring to her father's last two wives as dumb and dumber. Brenda supposed that made her the daughter of dumb and it was hard to find a way to not make those words hurt. Of course, Julia wouldn't understand that and would just claim that she was overly sensitive. Perhaps…

"I hadn't considered that. So, any ideas on what I should send Ned as a wedding gift?"

"A good divorce attorney, one who will work out something that gives him more time with the child Carly is carrying than he's had with Brooke Lynn since Lois left him."

"I thought you were the one who said that was between Ned and Lois."

"Yeah, well, when I said that I think I was still hoping Lois would come to her senses and give Ned another chance. She hasn't. I guess that really is between her and Ned but, as Brooke Lynn's godmother, I have certain responsibilities."

"Somehow I'm guessing you're talking about something more than helping her find her place in the Catholic Church."

"I'll leave that to Sonny. He actually is Catholic. I was thinking about her relationship with her more earthly father, you know, Ned."

"It hurt him when he saw her run to Sonny before your wedding rehearsal."

"It was more of an almost wedding rehearsal. Sonny had already delivered his tortured speech of martyrdom before Lois and Brooke Lynn arrived. I don't want to know if they coordinated that. But the point is that Brooke was running to Sonny because she saw him first not because she was rejecting Ned. I'm sure Lois didn't even tell her Ned would be there, probably because, for the first time, she was hoping for some ELQ Emergency that would send Ned off to London or something. I guess since it all blew up in my face it's very convenient he was around. Because uninviting hundreds of guests less than forty-eight hours before the intended ceremony takes some skill and talent."

"It could be worse," Miguel suggested.

"Maybe," Brenda said. But, honestly, she doubted that. Ned had gotten concerned when she had said she would rather be with Sonny than be safe. Fortunately, he hadn't passed that tidbit on to her older sister, Julia, because Brenda really hadn't wanted Julia to lecture her on her flare for the dramatic. What neither Ned or Julia would ever understand was that she loved Sonny. She still did. Sometimes she thought Miguel did understand that, even if he wished she could love anyone but Sonny. She would never mention any of that to the media, but she knew if she did they would presume that meant Miguel still had feelings for her. Yet, Brenda knew that what that really meant was that Miguel had never stopped loving Lily. She knew he hadn't.

Brenda remembered how Miguel had explained he had to let Lily go because he did love her, and they couldn't just keep hurting each other, that wasn't love. She hadn't wanted to believe that those words had applied to her relationship with Sonny, but it hadn't really mattered because she refused to be any man's mistress and Sonny had married Lily. She had brought Miguel as her date to their wedding. Lois had thought she did it to get Sonny's attention. Perhaps she had, although truly she thought it had been more of a move of acceptance. She had tried to explain that to Lois.

January 20, 1996

Brenda Barrett smiled as her seventeen month old goddaughter toddled into the Quartermaine Mansion clutching her mother's hand. However, she could only laugh when she saw the dress her best friend was wearing. "Wow! That's almost as horrendous as the dress I had to wear when Harlan married wife number three."

"No comment," Lois Cerullo-Ashton said as she started to remove Brooke Lynn's winter jacket. "Thanks for doing this, I didn't really want to leave her with the monster in law," she added.

"No problem, if Ned gets done courting those investors from Japan early he can pick her up or Miguel and I can meet him at the church."

Lois raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize you were bringing Miguel."

"Who else would I bring? Perhaps Lily should have thought about that when she decided to invite me to her wedding just to rub my nose in it."

"Bren, I get it, I really do and I'm really not any more enlightened on why Sonny is marrying her than he feels it is the right thing. Perhaps that means Brookie should be expecting a new baby cousin in less than nine months. But, the point is you can't just keep using Miguel to push Sonny's buttons," Lois said as she led Brooke Lynn through the foyer and into the parlor where the play pen was set up.

Brenda followed her friend. "You think that's what I'm doing?"

"Aren't you?" Lois asked. She lifted Brooke Lynn up and set her down opposite her cousin Katelyn Quartermaine, Alan and Monica's youngest daughter who happened to be a few months older. "Play nicely with your cousin and remember if your great grandfather says ELQ you say No!"

"No!" Brooke Lynn repeated as she reached for the phone Katelyn offered out in front of her.

Brenda smiled briefly at the interaction. She had taken child development the previous fall so she knew it was supposed to still be a little early for Brooke Lynn and Katelyn to play together, but apparently they had missed that memo because they did. Either that or they coincidentally never wanted the same toy at the same time so sharing was irrelevant. Perhaps that was it.

"That's my girl!" Lois said. She kissed the top of Brooke Lynn's head and then stood up fully. She turned to face Brenda. "There is juice and animal crackers in her bag, and an extra dress in case the one she is wearing gets ruined with that snack. I have Ned's spare cell phone in my purse if there is an emergency," she said as she started out of the room.

"Wait, we're not done! You can't just accuse me of that and then saunter out of here as if everything is fine," Brenda said.

"Brenda, I'm your friend and I know this has been hard for you, but I just don't really agree with how you are handling this and I do think it's going to all blow up in your face and poor Miguel is going to get caught in the crossfire and that's not fair to him, or even to you."

"I can't believe you would think that! Miguel is my friend!"

"Yes, and you know that has always made Sonny uncomfortable."

"I think Sonny lost the right to have an opinion on my life when he kicked me out of his. As he said, he doesn't care what I do, or who, I do. For the record, Miguel and I aren't. Lily just presumed we were and ran tattling to Sonny. Apparently, that never gets old for her. The thing is that it doesn't go both ways. You can't expect me to accept that Lily and Sonny are together, and I need to let go and then fault me for moving on."

Lois sighed audibly. "I'm not saying you don't have a right to move on. In fact, as much as it pains me to say this, I think that's exactly what you need to do. But there are tons of other guys in Port Charles, why does it have to be Miguel?" she asked.

"Why is there such a problem if it is? I like Miguel, he's kind, loving and, honestly, gorgeous. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in Sonny, and he hadn't been so in love with Lily, we probably would have gotten together a long time ago. No, contrary to Lily's insecure paranoia, we weren't sneaking around behind their back. We were just friends. Now we're a little more than friends and if that is hard for Lily or Sonny to handle then that isn't our problem. You say I'm your friend and you trust me so trust me on this. I didn't invite Miguel to this wedding to make Sonny jealous. I invited Miguel because he's the one who helped me see that sometimes you have to let go of the people you love before you destroy all the love that was ever there. That's why he let Lily go. I'm not quite as wise or strong but once Sonny says those vows then I believe he will honor them and if he breaks them it won't be with me. If that isn't enough then I guess that's just too bad."

"Bren," Lois began.

Brenda cut her off. "You should go. You wouldn't want to be neglectful in your matron of honor duties."

"You know I love you like a sister and I just don't want to see you get hurt." Lois said as she wrapped her arms around her.

"I know," Brenda whispered back. She smiled. "Seriously, making Lily into a beautiful bride could take hours. You really should go."

Lois smiled back. "Take good care of my baby," she said as she reached for her coat .

"Always," Brenda said as Lois went out the front door.

She had held Miguel's hand as they both watched the people they had dreamed about forever with pledge forever to someone else. Somehow with Miguel it was ok to still love Sonny because he still loved Lily. Anyone else would have been offended by the moments that took her back in time to a time when she was in Sonny's arms. Except Miguel wasn't partly because he understood, he had his own moments and his own memories of holding Lily in his arms in Puerto Rico before her father took a contract out on his life.

They had muddled on together. Their relationship really wasn't anything more than platonic but there was still a connection and that was enough. Or they had convinced themselves of that. Eventually even Lois seemed to come around about things, or perhaps she just agreed to disagree. Sometimes Brenda still wondered about that.

Then, out of the blue, Sonny had called her. When she met him on the docks he had admitted that he still loved her and it wasn't fair to any of them to continue living a lie. Sonny had gone off to talk to Lily and Brenda remembered how she had practically floated all the way to Kelly's where she had planned to meet Miguel for lunch. He had known something was different the moment she walked through the door.

May 29, 1996

Brenda Barrett pulled open the door to Kelly's Diner and stepped inside with a spring in her step she almost didn't remember. She hadn't felt so weightless since before she learned that Stone had AIDS, before she had worn the wire, before Stone had died. So much had changed but suddenly it almost seemed like life might finally get back on track.

"You look beautiful," Miguel said as she sat down across from him.

"Thanks, I finally feel beautiful again."

"So, chem lab was really that bad."

Brenda laughed. Chemistry had been the last course she wanted to take but she had needed to take something for physical sciences distribution and chemistry had sounded a little better than physics. She had also figured taking it before Robin returned to Harvard would be a good plan since having her own personal tutor couldn't hurt. It hadn't actually been as bad as she had thought it would be, which didn't mean she wasn't glad the semester was finally over.

"Somehow I think it's something more than chemistry lab isn't it?" Miguel asked.

Brenda nodded as Ruby set a plate of food down in front of her.

"Are you going to tell me, Brenda?"

"Yes, but not here," Brenda said. Although she was sure Lily would never believe it, her soul purpose in life was not to destroy Lily's. She wanted to give Sonny a chance to tell Lily before she revealed the truth to Miguel. Perhaps then Miguel and Lily could work things out the way she and Sonny had.

Later when she had told Miguel he had just hugged her and told her to be safe. Diplomacy at it's finest. Unfortunately, everything had deteriorated from there. Lily had returned home and told Sonny that they were going to have a child. Then everything had changed. Brenda understood that. She understood that Sonny couldn't, and shouldn't, walk away from his child. She hadn't wanted him to do that. Yet the whole situation had just been overwhelming. So, she had done the only thing that made sense in the moment. She had stood in the rain and cried.

AJ had found her standing outside Kelly's. He had given her his jacket, bought her hot chocolate, and then driven her back to the Quartermaine Mansion. He had presumed she was upset about Miguel and she hadn't had the energy to correct him. AJ was a good friend and that summer he had become her next boyfriend. The Quartermaines were all thrilled even if the relationship hadn't been much less platonic than what she had, had with Miguel. Or perhaps the Quartermaines had confused lack of passion for decency and decorum. Brenda hadn't thought of it that way before.

Brenda pushed the memories away and realized that Miguel was still talking, and she had completely lost the thread of the conversation. She managed to piece together that he was talking about some wedding in LA he had been supposed to sing at, but it had been cancelled mid ceremony. She had missed the explanation of why, but she supposed that probably wasn't really important. "Ok, so maybe that is worse," she offered.

"I guess I'm not a very good friend, am I?" Miguel asked.

"What?"

"I didn't want Sonny to hurt you by breaking the engagement, but I have to admit that I am glad that you're safe even if you think you would rather be with Sonny," Miguel admitted.

Brenda sighed. So apparently Ned had shared her words with Miguel. "I guess Ned told you then," she said.

"Told me what?"

"I told Ned I'd rather be with Sonny than be safe. He practically lost it at that comment."

"Ned didn't say anything to me about that. But, don't you understand why that would upset him? His daughter died because of the violence of Sonny's world."

"Yes, and I'm just a selfish, spoiled, child. I get it!"

"Brenda, that isn't what I said. It isn't what I think. I just understand how Ned feels."

Brenda wondered if Miguel was thinking of Juan, or Lily, or both. She was afraid to ask so she just released another sigh.

"Brenda, I don't want to upset you."

"I know, and I know that this has all been hard for Ned. I'm guessing that is the only possible explanation for Carly. Although you wouldn't have known it from her control top wonder wedding dress, I think she must be about seven or eight months pregnant which has to mean that Ned slept with her while he was in a funk last winter. I think that was when Carmina's death really hit him the hardest."

"Holidays are always hard," Miguel said.

Brenda noted the way that Miguel's voice trailed off absently. It was as if there was more to his statement, but he couldn't quite bring himself to utter the words. In some ways she supposed that 1996 had been his first Christmas without Lily. They hadn't been together in 1995 but Lily had been alive, and Brenda could understand the distinction.

Brenda pulled her mind away from the melancholy and glanced at her watch. It was almost half past five, Mr. Punctuality would be picking her up in just over an hour, and she still had nothing she wanted to wear. "If you want I'll just write your name on the tag of the gift I'm giving them," she offered.

Miguel must have decided to just go with her semi non sequitar. Perhaps he needed a break from his own melancholic reflections as well. "What did you get them?"

"Eight plates that match their china pattern. I went shopping with Keesha, she said it was a safe gift because you can always use extra plates. So, if you want, four of them can be from you. Actually, Ned will probably just be thrilled with anything we give him as a unit. He was just reminding me you're his favorite of my exes. For AJ's sake, we'll pretend he was excluding immediate family as a matter of bias or something."

"I see," Miguel said.

"Yeah, I guess Ned hasn't quite given up on us. Apparently, he missed the memo that there was never really an us. Or maybe he just is biding his time until I end this rebound thing with Jax so he can be the most hated of my exes. Considering how Ned feels about Sonny I guess that says something."

"So Jax is just a rebound thing?" Miguel asked.

"I don't know, maybe he isn't even that. He's picking me up in less than an hour though and I have nothing to wear."

Miguel laughed. "You never think you have anything to wear."

"Yeah, and your point?"

Miguel laughed. "Wear that dress you wore in my video."

Brenda looked in the direction of the closet. The scary thing was that Miguel's suggestion could work. The dress he was thinking of was formal enough to work with black tie, but not so frumpy she would be depressed before she even left her bedroom. It was traditional enough that if Edward Quartermaine had another heart attack she would hardly be to blame, yet it was trendy enough that she wouldn't be embarrassed if some of the photos from the party ended up in a magazine. With that thought she stood, went to the closet, and fumbled around until she pulled out the dress. She held it up in front of the full-length mirror and decided it could work.

"So was that a, Miguel, you're a genius sigh?" Miguel asked.

Brenda laughed. "Well, sure, on occasion. But I suppose I should thank you for the dress," she said. Miguel had picked the dress out himself and made sure that wardrobe returned it to her after they finished shooting. It was things like that which made people question if they were still a couple even though they had never really been a couple in the first place. They had always been good friends though and maybe that was more important anyway.