Cindy Belden sat at her kitchen table peeling apples and trying to wrap her head around Ellen Sharpe's suggestion. Perhaps in Ellen's mind it was a perfect solution that she and Kurt adopt Abby Haver's baby since they were all ready to have another child and poor Abby wasn't ready to do anything except maybe go to a good rehab program. Even her mother-in-law had opined that in her heart she knew God hadn't meant for them to have empty arms, or an empty nursery. But was it really that simple? Didn't that somehow suggest that Marcus was replacable?

XXXXXXXX

Tracy Quartermaine-Grabler sighed when she pulled into the PCGH Visitor Garage. Ryan was picking Shannon up from Gymnastics and Dylan was at Alan and Monica's working on some project with Kirk, so it was the best evening to visit Carly in the hospital. Or at least it was logistically. Beyond that, everything was so much murkier, and she was afraid it always would be as she shifted into park.

As she got out of her car and made her way to parking garage elevator, she remembered another particularly awkward moment of Lois's pregnancy with Brooklyn.

May 5, 1994

Tracy Quartermaine-Grabler stood on the porch of the townhouse her son had moved into after his divorce from Jenny Eckert, who for some reason had remained Jenny Ashton for about forty-eight hours after the divorce and then when she married Paul Hornsby, the father of her unborn child, had opted to hyphenate and continued to call herself Jenny Ashton-Hornsby. Jenny claimed that she just really liked the name, in fact she had named her daughter Ashton Lila Hornsby leading to more than a little speculation about the little girl's true paternity.

Tracy cringed at the memories of her son's short-lived marriage. She had tried to like Jenny, after all that was what you were supposed to do when your son brought home a girl and told you he loved her, but it had been hard. When Ned had told her that he was marrying Jenny she had committed the cardinal sin and encouraged they have a long engagement. It was the diplomatic way to suggest that he wasn't really ready to marry Jenny and perhaps if he would just wait a little, he would see that too. But Ned had seen right through her approach, as she had very stubbornly seen through her father's years earlier. So, she attended their May Day wedding because what mother misses their oldest child's wedding, even if she had been afraid that for Ned it wouldn't be a onetime event.

Tracy had been right, although things had fallen apart even sooner than she had expected. Perhaps she should have warned her son that sometimes surprising your spouse leaves you the one in shock. But at the time, while she had suspected her daughter in law wasn't above an extramarital affair, she hadn't realized she was having one, with ousted former ELQ counsel Paul Hornsby no less. It got worse from there when Jenny announced that she was pregnant, with Paul's baby, and demanded a divorce.

The baby really was Paul's, or at least two paternity tests claimed that, and Ned sunk into something in between despair and depression after their divorce was final in early September. Perhaps she should have been the best person to understand Ned's feelings, she knew too well what it was like to realize the person you married had perhaps never even loved you at all. Perhaps familiarity wasn't a good thing though and that was why Ned refused to talk about it, or about anything really, with her. He seemed to spend an excessive amount of time at Luke's and Tracy had begun to wonder if his adolescent alcohol experimentation had been more of the first hints of a problem than just acting out. She had worried about that when he had gone off to college too although there had never really been any evidence that he was drinking excessively, or possibly at all, even after Maggie's death.

Then they met Lois. It had been the Sunday before Thanksgiving when he had brought her to brunch at Alan and Monica's. Tracy's first impression had been that she was nothing like Jenny, and that was good. Lois was loud and opinionated, but she was alive, and Ned seemed more alive with her than he had in months. Apparently, she was also the entertainment director at Luke's which explained her son's recent intrigue with the place.

Tracy probably should have cautioned him from remarrying less than six months after his divorce, but she hadn't. It wasn't because she knew Lois was pregnant, although she had. It wasn't that he hadn't listened to her the first time she voiced objections, well it wasn't completely that. It was because she hoped that perhaps just like her second husband was a keeper, Ned's second wife would be a keeper too.

Taking a deep breath Tracy raised her hand and rapped lightly on her son's door. She didn't want to ring the bell because she didn't want to wake Lois if she was sleeping. She hesitated but had been about to knock again when the door opened, and she found herself face to face with her son.

"Mother," Ned said. He stepped back as she stepped into his home.

She hugged him, and he let her, he even hugged back stiffly. It was very unlike the hugs she shared with his younger siblings. But then her relationship with Ned was much more distant than what she had with Dylan and Shannon. Maybe it always would be, but she hoped that things could change, could improve. "How is Lois?" she whispered.

Ned shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably. "She just lost her father who adored her, and I can't help her because I can't relate to any of that."

Ned's father Lord Lawrence Ashton was still alive. Tracy thought he was on his seventh wife although she figured she might have missed one or two along the way. But Tracy knew that her son wasn't just referring to having never lost a parent. In fact, she suspected Ned was more referring to not understanding being so closely attached to a parent. He hadn't seen his father since he was two months old.

"Darling, maybe what Lois needs is just for you to love her. I was going to stop by the hospital but, when I was picking your brother up from Alan and Monica's, Monica mentioned that she had been released," Tracy said.

Ned looked slightly sheepish and gave another shrug of his shoulders. "The contractions stopped, and Dr. Newman thought maybe she would be more comfortable at home anyway. I was going to call you but…"

"You don't need to apologize, I'm sure your focus has been on Lois, as I think it should be. But, darling, please try to take care of yourself as well, you don't look like you're getting enough sleep."

"I'm fine, mother," Ned said.

"I don't want to keep you from your wife for too long. I just wanted you to know that if you or Lois need anything, really, Ryan and I want to help you both. I brought Lois some butterscotch brownies and some of that tea she likes," Tracy said extending a bag.

Ned took the bag as Brenda Barrett came out into the living room and whispered something to him.

Tracy took that as her cue to leave. "I'm going to go, but I'll call you tomorrow, darling. Goodbye, Brenda," she offered quickly and made her retreat.

It was even more painful to remember that moment knowing about Ned and Lois's subsequent child loss. A loss that neither had felt comfortable sharing with her. It just emphasized how much distance there still was in her relationship with her first born. Ned would be thirty years old in less than four months and she still had no idea how to support him, so she supposed it figured that she really had no idea how to support his family. Like so many things in life it was not what she wanted but she had yet to figure out how she changed it.

XXXXXXXX

Carly Ashton felt like she was drowning, literally. Her body felt heavy and the struggle to breathe seemed even worse than earlier. Please, God, let Michael be ok, and maybe don't let me die she thought desperately. But as she stared up at the ceiling, her head swum, and she wondered if God could even hear her prayers. If he could, would he laugh? If he laughed, would it be the same angry cackle Tony had thrown back in her face?

October 20, 1997

Carly Ashton struggled to put one foot in front of the other as she and Ned exited the East Elevator in the Port Charles General Hospital Atrium. She tried to find comfort in the fact that Dr. Meadows said the Non-Stress Test looked great. Unfortunately, she felt anything but great. She would say she was tired; in fact, she had used that excuse so she could take a nap after church instead of attending the usual Quartermaine Sunday Brunch. Except it really hadn't been an excuse because she had slept pretty much all of Sunday afternoon and then gone to bed early. Despite that, it had been nearly impossible to drag herself out of bed for her nine o'clock appointment and she was ashamed to admit that the best part of the Non-Stress Test after knowing that Michael was ok of course, was being able to lie down.

Up ahead, Ned paused for her to catch up which was a bit mortifying but when she tried to quicken her pace, she just felt dizzy and weak almost like she had the week before. Maybe Ned sensed that because he turned, joined her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"What's wrong, honey?" Ned asked.

"I'm ok, I'm just a little tired," Carly said. She couldn't exactly tell him that the idea of just walking back to where he had parked in the visitors' garage seemed impossible. But it did!

Ned gave her a sideways hug. "I'm right here, ok. How about if I help you over to this couch in the lobby and you can wait here while I go get the car?"

Carly looked up into Ned's eyes and nodded. It was easier if she didn't have to speak.

"Are you going to be ok, here?" Ned asked once she was seated.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm sorry about before. I guess I didn't realize how exhausting the third trimester could be," Carly said.

"Are you sure that is all it is?" Ned asked. He sat down beside her on the couch and took her hand.

"What do you mean?" Carly asked.

"I'm just concerned, you haven't looked like you felt well these past few days. I know pregnancy can be hard. I just want to be sure you know that I want to support you through this, but I may need you to tell me how I can best do that," Ned said.

Once again Carly wondered exactly why Lois had let a guy like Ned go. She was still searching for a response when they were joined by the same brown-haired woman that had insisted on sitting with her a few weeks earlier when she had been waiting for Ned in the lobby of the Port Charles Hotel.

"Oh, hi Carly! Umm, hi Ned," the petite brown-haired woman, who Carly believed was named Kathy, said.

"Hello, Caitlin, how are you? How is Suzy?" Ned asked.

"I'm well. Suzy is doing great! She is now a Junior at Chapparal Country Day School. We just learned that she will be inducted into the National Honor Society next month," Caitlin gushed.

"Wonderful, please send her our congratulations!" Ned said.

Carly struggled to follow Caitlin and Ned's conversation. She wasn't good at small talk and as much as she realized that was a skill she would need as Ned Ashton's wife she couldn't quite face it in the moment.

Perhaps Ned sensed that, or maybe he had also had his fill of small talk. "Why don't I leave you and Carly to catch up and that way I can pull the car around. How does that sound, honey?" he asked.

Carly forced enthusiasm into her voice. "That sounds great! I haven't had a chance to chat with Caitlin in ages," she said.

Ned gave Carly another sideward hug and then got off the couch and quickly made his way to the main entrance of Port Charles General Hospital.

"I really am so sorry!" Caitlin Longsworth Hornsby said as soon as Ned left.

Carly had even less idea how to respond to that. What exactly had Ned said while she was zoning out? "Excuse me," she said with trepidation.

"I would really love to catch up with you, but I have an appointment at 11:30 and when I am late Dr. Davis always threatens to adjust my medications," Caitlin said.

"Oh, you should go then, don't worry I'll see you in church this weekend," Carly said.

Caitlin released a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much!" she said before she darted away.

Carly chuckled and shook her head!

"Hello, Carly," a grating but familiar and unwelcome interrupted her thoughts.

Dr. Tony Jones was the last person Carly wanted to see or deal with. She wondered if she ignored him if he would just go away. That hadn't exactly worked before.

"I'm so glad I ran into you. I had more to say when we were so rudely interrupted by Dr. Quartermaine.," Tony said.

Carly gulped. She felt so unsteady. "Please, Tony, I'm not feeling well, and stressing me out is not good for the baby. So please just go away," she ground out.

Tony shook his fist as he released several raucous cackles. "So, now you expect me to believe that you care about this baby! That's a good one. Very funny! You are a surrogate at best. I will have full custody of my daughter once you push her out. I'm just sorry she has to grow inside you but don't worry all of Port Charles knows what a crappy person you are and what a crappy mom you will be so I will get her away from you as soon as Dr. Meadows cuts that cord!"

Carly felt her body trembling everything felt all shaky. She dropped her head down into her lap and tried to pull herself together.

"Oh, now I'm supposed to see you as the victim. Ha!" Tony said.

Carly didn't look up. She couldn't look up.

The memory was fragmented. She wasn't sure if Tony had left then or if she had just blacked out. She remembered how heavy and shaky everything had been much like it was becoming as everything went black again.

XXXXXXXX

Tracy Quartermaine-Grabler hesitated in the doorway to her daughter in law's room for just a minute and tried to get her bearings. Her son sat beside his wife rubbing expanding and contracting circles into her back. Carly herself looked miserable. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair was damp with sweat, her breathing seemed labored and ragged. Tracy found empathy for her daughter in law, as she remembered the period before she had delivered her younger son.

September 1, 1986

Tracy Quartermaine Grabler winced as Dr. Gina Lansing laid a hand on her tender abdomen. She felt overheated, clammy, and achy. "Is everything ok with the baby?" she asked noticing then that it was a little hard to get the words out.

Jessie Brewer inserted a thermometer into Tracy's mouth and then pressed several fingers into her wrist a bit roughly. "Don't talk, I need to get your temperature," she said gruffly.

As she lay helplessly, Dr Lansing continued to mash on her abdomen before replacing the fetal monitor straps across her distended and now throbbing belly. Tracy realized she was really starting to feel a bit dizzy and weak. Meanwhile her heart felt like it was beating way too fast, and she just felt unwell.

"Temperature is 103.2. Pulse is 156. Respirations 30 and becoming more labored," Jessie Brewer announced with glee.

There is just something wrong with that woman's bedside manner, Tracy thought. But somehow the announcement just made her feel worse. Her heart seemed to race even faster and sweat seemed to pour off her.

"Not feeling too well, are we?" Jessie asked gruffly.

"Am I in labor?" Tracy croaked. She felt like an idiot but with her first pregnancy in London, the doctor had just knocked her out with some kind of gas and when she woke up, she was very sore, and Ned was there.

Jessie laughed a bit raucously. Obviously, she considered Tracy an idiot.

Somehow that stung a lot more than it should have. It really wasn't like Jessie Brewer was in any place to judge for various reasons.

"Thank you, Jessie, I ordered some antibiotics, perhaps you could run to Pharmacy for them," Dr. Lansing said.

Jessie left the room looking a bit miffed.

"I don't think you're in labor yet, Tracy. It would actually be better if you were because I'm afraid you have chorioamnionitis and sepsis. We're going to give you antibiotics and I'm going to induce your labor," Dr. Lansing explained.

"But I'm only 32 weeks! It is too soon." Tracy protested.

"You're almost 33 weeks but at this point, your son is in more danger inside than out I'm afraid. I'm going to put a NICU consult in, and they will come and talk to you and your husband, and they will attend the delivery to take care of your son. Babies at this age do much better these days than they did before. Survival is excellent now that we have the ability to give steroids to promote lung maturity and surfactant for children with lung issues due to prematurity.

Tracy's memories beyond that conversation were very fragmented and fuzzy. Dr. Lansing had started a Pitocin drip. Eventually after sixteen hours of painful contractions with superimposed waves of shaking chills and drenching sweats she had delivered Dylan right after her temperature spiked up to 104.9. She had then promptly passed out and slept for more than twenty-four hours.

"Excuse me!" Carrie Sanders RN said as she came up to the doorway with what looked like IV antibiotics.

Tracy stepped back quickly to allow the nurse to enter Carly's room but not before Ned turned to the doorway to see what the commotion was about. Tracy met her son's eyes. He looked so tired.

"Mother," Ned said. He sounded exhausted.

Tracy stepped into the room and wrapped her arms around her son. He still hugged back stiffly but perhaps if he could be so devoted to and tender with his wife, she hadn't messed up everything. Or perhaps, her son was gentle and kind more despite her parenting than because of it. She was afraid of that. "I just wanted to stop by and make sure you didn't need anything and remind you that we're all praying for Carly and the baby," she said.

"We appreciate that," Ned said.

"How is Carly?" Tracy asked.

"Not well. Dr. Meadows wants to do two more days of steroids and then wait twenty-four hours before she delivers," Ned said.

"Poor girl, she looks so miserable and ill. I had a rough time right before your brother was born but they were able to induce my labor right away," Tracy said.

"I think Dr. Meadows was hoping the steroids would help stabilize some before delivery. Unfortunately, she seems to be getting worse not better," Ned said.

"I'm sorry, darling," Tracy said. Once again, her words felt so empty. She tried a new tack. "Ryan and I really want to do anything we can for you and Carly. Would it be helpful if we prepared one of our guest suites for Carly's mom? Or did you arrange for her to stay at the hotel?"

Her words appeared to have caught Ned by surprise. "Does Carly's mom not realize how sick she is?" she asked.

"I'm not sure Carly's mom realizes she is even pregnant," Ned said. He shoved his hands in his pockets with obvious discomfort. "Carly and her mom aren't as close as it might have appeared at the wedding. I left the decision of what and when to tell her mother up to Carly. I thought that was the right thing, actually I still think it was, but I wonder if Carly would reach out now if she was able and thus if I should," he admitted.

Tracy was tempted to blurt out that of course Ned should reach out to his mother-in-law. If the roles were reversed, she would want Carly to call her. But maybe that wasn't fair. Had Carly and Ned's relationship actually stemmed much more from their shared hardship with distant mothers than a one-night stand which produced a child?

With those thoughts, Tracy just nodded silently.