Omake - The Incident
Warnings. This is basically 5000 words of pure Crack.
Yamato stood and shuddered.
This could not be happening! It was a cruel joke, played by Mistress Fate just to rub in his team's face. Team Seven could not have a simple mission go right without somethinggoing inevitably wrong. He just never expected something like this.
This is why he had high blood pressure. How? How did something so simple, go so, so wrong? He pinched the bridge of his nose and cursed bitterly.
"Youths."
It was the simplest of missions.
He and Sai were appointed to accompany Kakashi, Sakura and Naruto on a diplomatic mission into Lightning Country – the Hokage and Leaf's mightiest heroes promoting continued goodwill and peace to their allied nations.
It looked great on paper, and ultimately the Raikage was pleased with the idea of spoiling his people with a 'personal visit from his esteemed and powerful allies'. The Heroes of the Forth Great Shinobi War.
Well… three-quarters of them anyway.
And he and Sai were technically just tag-alongs; highly equipped ANBU guards strategically assigned to keep Kakashi in line and Naruto out of well-meaning trouble. Really it was just an excuse for the five of them to spend time together on mission, much to Naruto's demand and Sakura's delight.
And things had gone miraculously smooth for the most part.
The journey there had been without incident, which was a feat in itself considering Naruto's prone nature to irritate via uncontrollable enthusiasm. Although that was to say nothing about his insistence on practicing his experimental rapping with them at various hours of the day and night. Something about a monumental battle of pizazz and prose with Killer B…?
Yamato had had to recruit Sakura on the wrangling of Naruto on that front. Especially when Kakashi started to pitch forward his own lyrical input, much to the eager dissection of Sai's curious mind.
And no, Yamato would not be explaining what 'fellatio' means.
Ultimately though, they worked together like a well-oiled machine. Minimal bickering between Naruto and Sai, the pleasant banter that Kakashi and Sakura chased each other with. And Yamato, the self-appointed Mother Hen of the group – a title Kakashi had taken far too much glee in using.
But Yamato supposed, he wouldn't really have it any other way.
They spent a week in Kumo fulfilling their diplomatic obligations and had even attracted a small army of 'fans' during their stay what with all of their official parading about.
Many, from the youngest of children, to the eldest of curious civilians had come to catch a peek of the 'Legendary Heroes'. Naruto and Sakura even appeared to attract a growing fanbase in their stay.
At first a harmless, if charming development as it provided Yamato and Kakashi endless hours of entertainment watching Naruto struggle to extract himself from the various scenarios in which civilian women began to throw themselves at him.
"Oh dear Naruto, what would Hinata say?" Was all it took for Kakashi to innocently send Naruto into a spiralling fit of red-faced stuttering.
That was until Sakura put an end to it with a stern threat about seeing how Kakashi would like the attention. Something about sending a letter to Mei…?
Yamato wasn't sure what leverage Sakura had exactly over Kakashi, but his Senpai's paling features was enough to determined that it carried some weight to it.
And with that, Sakura had earned her spot as Naruto's shining savour – as if the girl needed any more reasons for the blond to adore her.
In fact, Sakura grew rather apt in easily fending off the hoards clinging to Naruto's golden frame with a simple but affective manoeuvre Sai dubbed the 'smile and steal'. Allegedly, women were rather skilful in this particular artform with each other – a fact Sai revealed was bestowed upon him by his girlfriend, the Yamanaka. The Gossip.
It was Sakura's admirers who perhaps were the more troublesome party, however. Rather than just the average star-struck civilian and adoring children, she had managed to interest a band of arrogant shinobi with egos to prove chasing after her.
That had quickly sobered up Yamato's and Kakashi's amusement in the turn of events. If not from the unwanted advances, then at least from the political and physical damage Sakura would likely cause if not careful in maintaining a level head with the resilient punks.
They had taken turns in chaperoning Sakura after that. Not in fear of her safety, but rather the safety of their alliance. And if Yamato or Kakashi could scare off a suitor before they got too close, well that was just good teamwork. With Naruto and Sai to ensure her attention was never left to be captured by another, it was easy to keep Sakura happy and Kumogakure in one solid piece.
However, as all good things in Yamato's life tends to do – it all came to a startling halt on their final night.
Killer B had challenged Naruto to a rap battle-turned spar-turned unofficial open tournament, and that released the flood gates. It was just the opportunity a handful of cocky ninjas needed to challenge Sakura to a fight, in order to 'win her for a date'. Apparently, their egos hadn't been bruised enough from her first rejection, and they just had to poke the Lioness from her restrained slumber.
Of course, that went about as well as Yamato predicted – he owed Kakashi 2000 ryo for betting Sakura wouldn't absolutely demolish the ground in her first strike.
Well he had hoped she wouldn't… but alas, Kakashi, it seemed knew just how far an underestimated Sakura would take things, especially against a few sexist punks.
Yamato didn't mind losing that bet, on second thought. They deserved that particular pit fall. Literally.
All they had to do was return home. And that's when the inevitable unravelling truly began.
Kakashi had given in to Sakura's plea for an overnight stay in a nearby Hot Springs Inn before they left, and Yamato had been pleasantly surprised at his Senpai's agreeability. Although, maybe not so surprised considering who had been asking.
Maybe it was latent guilt at what she had to deal with, or perhaps it was pride in how efficiently she had put the ninjas in their place – but Kakashi indulged her plead without his signature 'why sleep in a bed when you can sleep in the dirt' routine.
Then again, Sakura did have them all wrapped around her pinkie, and none more so than the Rokudaime himself – although he would never admit it under pain of death. It would be amusing to watch, if Yamato didn't know that he was just as susceptible to her charms.
Nevertheless, Yamato resigned himself to a well-earnt night at the Hot Springs Inn. Nothing could ruffle his high-strung feathers when he was neck-deep in hot water and revelling in his team's miraculous moment of tranquillity.
Naruto wasn't splashing hot water in anyone's face, and Sai had made no move to comment about dicks whatsoever. Even Kakashi had put to rest his horrible books in favour of reclining serenely at the edge of the onsen.
It was truly peaceful.
And perhaps it was that peaceful atmosphere of hot water and steam which lulled them into a false sense of security. For one moment, they were all enjoying the hot springs and the next, they heard it – Sakura's unmistakable shriek of terror from across the bamboo divider.
Hot water splashed violently and Yamato lunged for the nearest target. His slick arms grappled against Naruto's as he physically restrained the blond from immediately leaping over the fence into the women's bath.
"Oh no you don't!"
Despite the fact Yamato knew they were the only patrons present in the entire Inn, he was not going to be responsible for a comatose Naruto when he knew he could stop it. And blindly charging into an occupied women's bath with their female teammate was a stoppable offence – at least he thought so.
What Yamato hadn't counted on – and probably should have – was his Senpai's reaction. The man, not-so-casually high tailed it over the fence and into the women's bath, a curious Sai close on his heels.
"Hey! Wait! You can't – ", Yamato was caught between a curse, a sigh and a strangled groan.
He had no choice but to headlock Naruto and charge in after them, lest he be faced with three comatose teammates due to impropriety.
Yamato grimaced and sighed. Sakura would never forgive them for this…
But what he found when he reached his suicidal male teammates scrubbed every inch of practical thinking from his mind and left him entirely blank.
There Sakura was, dripping wet and seething in her small hotel provided towel and nothing else…
Yamato's brain stuttered to a halt, just like the rest of him; only one resounding word blearing at him like a fog horn.
Inappropriate!
His reaction was instantaneous. Yamato snapped his gaze away and instinctively covered the eyes of Naruto, still shackled under his arm.
"Hey! How come everyone else gets to see but me?" The boy whined.
Yamato ignored the blond to look beseechingly at whom he hoped would be the most level-headed in this delicate situation they had all bounded blindly into – his Senpai.
What he got instead was a pink eared Rokudaime, who was looking absolutely anywhere but at their troubled medic.
A medic who hardly seemed to notice their intrusion, as she frantically searched the empty wooden shelves of the washroom.
Yamato's eyebrows rose to his hairline.
Sai, as usual, was the one to break the tense atmosphere through nothing but sheer ignorance alone. "Ugly. If you are finished with your bath, why have you not changed into something more appropriate? I can see your – "
Yamato wasn't sure how he got there so fast, but he succeeded in cutting Sai off by pulling him into chokehold, opposite Naruto.
Was he the only here without a death wish?!
Sakura seemed to finally acknowledge their collective presence, for she snapped her eyes to them and gasped.
And the world stood painfully still for a moment.
She, like the rest of them remained frozen in abrupt acknowledgment for several long seconds. Then Sakura let out another choked gasp and crouched down wrapping her arms around herself, a warm pink flushing her entire body.
Yamato ripped his head to the side so fast he swore he pulled a muscle, simultaneously yanking the boys' heads further down and away from Sakura's exposed form.
"Ouch! Shit!"
Yamato barely heard Naruto's squawk over the blood rushing his in ears.
"…Taichou, if I am not allowed to see Sakura's private parts, why is it that I am subjugated to see yours?"
Yamato turned an unholy shade of red as Sai's words registered in his mind. How could he have forgotten that all he and the boys were wearing were similarly small and wet white towels precariously tied around their hips?!
And if they were as transparent as Sakura's…
He let go of Naruto and Sai as if burned, both boys stumbling from the slick of their bodies on the tiled floor.
"Yeesh! What the hell Yamato? That was totally uncalled for!" Naruto cried, freedom now regained.
"I agree with Dickless, your manhandling was highly inappropriate. For future reference, should it come to this again, I would much prefer to witness Sakura's parts than yours."
"Oi! You can't call me Dickless when you can clearly see – "
"Boys!" Kakashi's voice cracked like thunder over the group, stilling all present. They all turned to regard their now, almost composed leader; a dust of pink visible across his cheeks, despite his mini face towel.
Kakashi turned to regard the small bundle that was Sakura, crouching in on herself, as if willing the earth to swallow her whole. She seemed to be almost vibrating; whether from frenzy, or embarrassment, no one could guess.
"Sakura, what's wrong?" Kakashi donned his sensei voice, causing the woman to peek up at him.
No one was quite prepared for her watery green eyes.
"Someone stole my clothes." The woman sniffled, sounding a whole lot younger than her twenty-one years of age.
The room went silent, and Sakura ducked her head back down, tightening her arms around herself. It appeared in her sudden embarrassment, she skipped straight from rage to humiliation, becoming an almost different person in her fright. Yamato felt it odd to see the woman so small in the face of something so… minor. Undoubtedly horrible, but definitely minor in comparison to the challenges of their chosen careers.
He had heard rumours of Sakura and her friends kicking out many a hot spring pervert in Konoha in the past, but he supposed it was another thing entirely to be rendered exposed, alone, outside the village, and in front of her teammates. She was after all, still a young woman when all was said and done, and some humiliations simply stung regardless. And when there was no one to directly attribute blame or retribution to, it would be hard to hold on to anger in such a… vulnerable state.
Yamato felt a wave of killing intent rise from each of his teammates and echoed it with his own. This was an unacceptable attack on Sakura's dignity, and in safe territory!
"What?! What kinda pervert - !?" Naruto exploded. "Did you see who did it? Don't worry Sakura-chan, I'll find them and teach them a lesson!"
Sakura shook her head in her arms, still crouching. "No, I didn't see anyone. I thought I sensed some people coming in to join me, but they never did… I thought maybe they were going to come back when the bath was empty."
Yamato heard a low growl and realised it came from Kakashi.
"It's alright Sakura, we'll sort this out." Kakashi laid a very tentative hand on the rosette's head. "Stay here. We'll go get changed and bring you some clothes. Then we'll see about tracking those thieves down, alright?"
Yamato felt himself nodding. "Don't worry Sakura. They don't know who they just crossed."
Sakura gazed up, a feeble smile pulling at her lips but quickly ducked her head back down with a squeak.
Heat rose to Yamato's cheeks at the realisation that at that angle, she was very much eye level with all of their…wet towels…
Perhaps Kakashi realised it too, for he suddenly jerked, taking a number of steps back and started inspecting the adjacent wall.
Inappropriate! Kami help us all if Tsunade-sama hears about this!
"She is shaking." Came Sai's blunt observation, standing confidently close to their exposed kunoichi.
Yamato chanced a glance back at Sakura out of mortified concern, and frowned when he noticed her shiver. He cursed. Of course, it was late autumn. He felt his anger spike just that much more. Who the hell went around stealing girl's clothes in autumn at a Hot Springs!?
"Go sit tight in the hot water, Sakura. We'll be back soon." Kakashi ordered lightly, already striding out of the women's bath with a new-found purpose.
"Yeah Sakura-chan! We'll be back soon, and then we can all go beat up those punks!" Naruto promised with a fierce smile and thumbs up.
"We will not allow you to remain unclothed, Ugly." Was Sai's kind if awkward contribution, following the other two out.
Yamato gave her one last smile, "We'll be back soon."
He thought he heard a small whispered 'thank you' trail after them.
"WHAT?!"
"Interesting."
"Well… that certainly offers a mild holdup."
Yamato cringed as he entered the male bathhouse. He didn't want to know. In fact, he thought he probably already did know, and rounding the bend, he saw exactly what he had dreaded.
His three very red-faced teammates standing in wet towels, with no clothes and not even a spare towel in sight… Just like Sakura.
Yamato pinched the bridge of his nose. He had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps those cocky ninjas from the village weren't as satisfied with their undignified rejection as they appeared. This was just the sort of petty revenge he should've anticipated from a bunch of bratty ninja males with bruised egos.
"Youths." He cursed.
To say Yamato was embarrassed as the four of them made their way through the inn back to their rooms, scantily clad and wet, would be an understatement. To say he was about ready to bust a vessel when he realised that not only were their clothes from the bathhouse stolen, but each of their packs ransacked and all spare clothes taken, would be to put things lightly.
Yamato was an infinitely patient man, but what he was not, was a Saint.
"When I get my hands on those thieves I swear I'm gonna go full Kyuubi on them!" Naruto roared, rattling the shoji doors of the rooms and piercing their collective eardrums. None of them had much mind to care, however.
"I hereby pardon you of all crimes you may commit in the process." Came Kakashi's dark reply, staring at his emptied pack; his precious Icha Icha strewn carelessly across the floor.
"I volunteer to assist Naruto in exacting said revenge." Sai commented, looking blankly at a pot of ink spilled across his pack.
"I'll help round them up and hold them down." Yamato agreed, grinding his teeth. Not even the autumn breeze could cool his burning frustration. This was humiliating.
The punks had stolen all their clothes, and only the clothes, down to the last pair of briefs. It was indeed petty. They hadn't even tried to touch some of the more potentially sensitive areas of their packs, likely to avoid creating an international incident by seeing or touching something they weren't supposed to.
In a way, Yamato supposed he should be thankful that their clothes were their only target, but still, it was petty. And a rather widely directed attack, considering it was Sakura who had thrashed them, not the rest!
But it wasn't Team Seven if they weren't all in it together.
With great annoyance, they began the humbling task of picking up after the thieves and cataloguing the stolen items. They had most of their shared room cleaned when Sai interrupted their absorbed trance.
"Who is going to tell Sakura?"
Three heads snapped to look at him; pink flushes finding the way to each of their cheeks, and sweat to their temples. They had forgotten about Sakura – they had forgotten that she was still waiting for them to return with clothes. Any clothes!
Four pairs of eyes darted around the room and then at each other, locked in panic. There was no telling how she would react to this. They all got off extremely lucky before, but Yamato knew that this was just asking for trouble. There would be no controlling her wrath… which normally he would have no trouble assisting said wrath in righting a grievous wrong.
But… when none of them had any clothes…
"Shot not!" Naruto shouted, finger firmly stuck to his nose.
"Not." Sai said simply, copying Naruto's action with lightning-fast reflexes.
Yamato whirled bewildered to his Senpai. Surely, he would not condone such childish tactics in dealing with such a delicate and potentially dangerous issue? Locking almond eyes with his Rokudaime, Yamato chocked on thin air when he saw Kakashi's blank look, and finger placed firmly on his clothed nose.
"Not."
"You too?" He exclaimed, aghast.
"You're up my dear Kohai!" Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Although you should probably bring her a futon cover to wrap around her. She might get cold in just a wet towel."
No no no no no no no!
He would not be duped this way! He was the only one with any decency and that always left him holding the short straw. But he would not be delivering the bad news to his distressed and indecently clothed hot-tempered female teammate. Whatever way she reacted, it would not be good for his health.
And Yamato did not need any misconstrued rumours running around the village about his business with Sakura in a bathhouse… No doubt a rumour that would be started by Sai's innocent musings to his gossip girlfriend. Yamato swore that Yamanaka woman had it out for him!
Narrowing his eyes, he shot one finger to his nose and pointed the other accusingly at Kakashi.
"Shot not!" Yamato shouted. "Yours doesn't count because you never actually touched your nose! Therefore, you have to go!"
Yamato panted a little, thrumming with exhilaration. It felt good to finally beat them at their own childish games. He had been playing the adult long enough! Today, he was going to claim victory.
He was standing his ground, he was using their logic against them, he was winning damnit!Yamato smiled triumphantly at Kakashi's slack jaw, took pride in Naruto's awe, and imagined Sai's raised eyebrows to be an expression of admiration.
Yamato could not deny this was a better reward than receiving his medal of Honour for services to his Village. Even better than that time Kakashi actually paid for his own drinks! Yamato stared down his Senpai with nothing short of determination; eyes aflame with self-righteous proclamation. This was his victory.
Kakashi flatly help up his hands and sighed. "Fine, fine. You win, Tenzou. I'll go collect our wet little medic."
Yamato didn't at all trust Kakashi's easy acceptance – not even an attempt at diversion or evasion of the task – but he kept his finger firmly planted on his nose, as if removing it meant surrendering his success.
But when Kakashi immediately started for the door without further complaint or fuss, Yamato frowned after him.
"Wait. Aren't you going to cover up? Or at least take something for her to cover up with?"
Kakashi paused at the door, and smiled innocently over his shoulder with his signature eye crinkle. "Nope. I'm good."
With that, he vanished.
Yamato stuttered, jaw agape. He looked at an equally spluttering Naruto, then at a thoughtful Sai. As one, their eyes narrowed at the empty doorway. They shared one long minute of silent deliberation, cataloguing the series of events leading up to this exact moment, before immediately shooting after their unruly leader.
Or rather, Yamato and Naruto chased after him, whilst Sai tagged along to ask stupid questions.
"I'm going to kill Sensei for this." Naruto growled racing down the halls, one hand clutching his preciously flailing towel.
"Get in line." Yamato clipped, comparably.
"Are we chasing after Kakashi-senpai for his implied ambiguous intentions towards Sakura's defenceless state of dress and vulnerable emotional state?"
"Yes!" Both Yamato and Naruto shouted in equal part distress and mounting anger as they sprinted back through the Inn in nothing but breezy loincloths, attempting to ignore the curious looks and gasps of the Inn staff.
They all skidded to a stop at the entrance of the women's bath and with a collection inhale, they entered. Only to stop dead at the sight of Kakashi, crouching at the edge of the water and holding a finger to his lips.
There, Sakura slept with her pink head pillowed across her arms; blissfully trusting in her teammates success and apparently exhausted from waiting.
Yamato was in the midst of preparing his finger to 'shot not' waking her up, when Kakashi easily slipped into the water and effortlessly lifted Sakura up and out of the bath, carrying her in his arms without so much as a sound.
Reflexively, Yamato clamped both Naruto and Sai back into headlocks, forcibly averting their gaze. He was getting the hang of this resourceful respect thing.
"Oh, come on! How come Sensei gets to look and touch?"
"Quiet." Yamato reprimanded sharply. Now was not the time for Naruto's perverted commentary.
"Does this mean we have approved of Kakashi-senpai's intentions?"
"Shut it, both of you. And close your eyes." Yamato commanded.
"What about you?" Naruto cried, squirming. Yamato merely tightened his grip. "I don't wanna close my eyes! What if I accidentally brush up against something I'm not supposed to?!"
Yamato rolled his eyes at Naruto's physical shudder. "Oh so now you're worried about decency."
"Heyy, what's that supposed to mean?"
"If I may interject? I stand by my original statement in that I would rather be exposed to Sakura's anatomy than yours Taichou, if it's an option."
"Ugh Sai! Stop saying pervy stuff like that."
"Do not be jealous Dickless, simply because you are no one's first choice to see naked."
"Why you – "
Yamato knocked their heads together, hard. "Cut it out."
Suitably satisfied that the boys were momentarily behaved, Yamato looked up just in time to see Kakashi rolling his eyes at them all.
Yamato glared. "Don't give me that look. You're the reason we're here."
"Me?" Kakashi plucked a shoulder harmlessly, slightly shifting a dozing Sakura in the process. "You know, if you were so worried you could've just gone yourself, Tenzou."
If it were possible, Yamato's glare intensified upon his Senpai. "If both our hands weren't full right now, I'd maim you."
"Can't have that, you swore an oath remember? Besides, we've got precious cargo aboard." Kakashi smirked.
Yamato's shoulders lowered from where they had been defensively raised, his grip slightly loosening on the dazed boys under his arms.
"I think maybe we should wait to tell Sakura about the extent of the clothes-fiasco until tomorrow." Kakashi said leading the way towards the exit. "In the meantime, perhaps we should ask reception about some replacement yukata for the ones that were stolen from our rooms?"
Yamato let a tired smile pull at his lips, nodding along. Yes, he had had quite enough excitement for one night, and allowing Sakura to sleep through the worst of it was yet another example of his Senpai's quick genius.
Following Kakashi out, Yamato continued to gently march the boys back through the Inn, keeping their heads politely lowered for the sake of their vulnerable kunoichi. He was definitely getting the hang of this.
Keeping stride with Kakashi, Yamato eyed the small pink woman sleeping peacefully in his Senpai's arms, and he let out a heavy breath of relief.
In hindsight, that was his fatal mistake – the lowering of his guard, trusting in the subdued nature of the boys.
For one moment he had an armful of teammates, and the next he was watching in slow motion as Naruto attempted to wrangle himself free, tripping over absolutely nothing in the process, and clumsily falling to the ground with two handfuls of white cloth clutched in his fists.
Yamato stared, dumbstruck at the small white towels in Naruto's hands and prayed that the sudden draft he felt was just a figment of his imagination.
Yamato had never been lucky in prayers however, thus proven by Naruto's wide eyes and ungodly screech of horror as he looked at the towels, then up at Yamato from – an admittedly – divulging angle.
"Fuck! My eyes! My poor beautiful eyes! Shodai's Nuts! What the fuck Yamato?!"
Unthinkingly, Yamato went to cover himself, only to rigidly pause when he merely succeeded in squeezing the neck of Sai, still shackled under his arm.
"Taichou, I believe that as I have told you countless times previous that I did not wish to see your genitals, this counts as sexual assault."
That monotoned, if slightly strained voice came from waaaaaay too close to his groin and Yamato actually yelped as he threw Sai away from his person, and directly into a gagging Naruto, rolling on the floor.
And if a few more towels came off in the commotion of that particular error in judgement, earning another barrage of screams and a comment or two of "Huh, so you do have a dick", Yamato was entirely too busy to notice.
He had just freed his hands enough to actually cover himself when his eyes shot to their quietest team members.
There, his Senpai stood, naked the day he was born with only a scrap of fabric covering his damn face, and standing completely stiff with a mumbling Sakura waking in his arms – the only remotely clothed member of their team left.
He locked eyes with Kakashi; terror absolute, and knew what he had to do.
Just as emerald green eyes cracked open to the waking world, and a yawn stumbled out of her pink mouth, Sakura's world went completely dark and she was asleep once more.
Blissfully, mercifully asleep.
There was a deafening moment of utter silence.
Then.
"Holy shit, Yamato. Did you just knock Sakura out?" Naruto breathed, clutching three towels to his nether regions.
Yamato only had eyes for their sleeping medic, as he held his breath over her, his hand still lingering at the base of her smooth neck. He was so dead if she remembered any of this. He was dead anyway.
Oh, he was going to buy her something nice when this was over. Volunteer to do her grocery shopping for a month, let her talk him into going bar hopping again, buy her all the dango in the world, grow her an entire cherry blossom tree and have it blooming all year round!
There was a small hum and Yamato snapped his head up to stare at a deadly severe Kakashi, silver brows ticked darkly.
Yamato audibly gulped.
"Well done, my Kohai. When we get back home, I'm promoting you."
The pride he saw in his Senpai's eyes almost distracted him enough to forget his nudity and racing heartbeat.
"However, if you don't step away from me soon I will have to fire you for indecent harassment of your Rokudaime. I know we're close, but not that close Tenzou."
Yamato stumbled back, hands swiftly stationed in a display of protective modesty and face a raging red. Yep, he was going to kill those clothes stealing punks! And then Naruto. Maybe Sai as well, so as not to play favourites.
"Thank you. Now, Naruto if you would be so kind as to return the towels you pinched from Tenzou and myself, I would be most appreciative." The bland smile and warm tone did little to hide the promise of pain that was evident in Kakashi's slate eyes.
Naruto gulped. "Eh, he he. Sorry about that Taichou, Sensei." Naruto sheepishly handed Yamato his towel, eyes intently studying the roof.
Yamato snatched the cloth with no small amount of annoyance and speedily fastened it back around his hips. They all felt Naruto's abrupt pause upon approaching Kakashi, however.
"Ah, Sensei… how…?"
There was utter stillness as they all acknowledged Naruto's and Kakashi's predicament.
Yamato readied his finger towards his nose. Shot fucking not!
Elite shinobi or not, he had seen far too many dicks than professionally warranted for one night – least of all his teammates and Hokage's. And either way he looked at it, 'assisting' Kakashi meant either getting an eyeful of him or risking a potential handful instead…not to mention trying to avoid a closer inspection of his precious cargo.
Yamato raised his finger to his nose.
However, it seemed Kakashi had other ideas.
Yamato swore he physically heard the creaking of Kakashi's face as he mechanically closed his eyes to give them a deathly eye crinkle he was sure would be imprinted unto his mind as source material for future nightmares.
Yamato grimaced. There goes his promotion.
In the next breath, Kakashi had vanished with Sakura in a whirl of smoke.
They all stared at the empty hallway, nothing but a small puddle signalling the former presence of their Rokudaime and Medic.
"Is this an appropriate time to question Kakashi-senpai's intentions once more?"
That was it! That was the moment Yamato silently promised himself that he was going to seal and pack spare clothes for his entire team for every future mission! He was going to find a way to seal it into his body if he had to. Never. Again!
Suffice to say that when Sakura awoke the next morning, dry, suspiciously wrapped in several futon covers, and sporting a major headache, she had many questions.
Questions for which Yamato made himself, Naruto and Sai scarce. His Senpai had gotten them all into this mess by giving in to her charms, he could get out of it by using his!
"Kakashi? Where are my clothes? … Where are your clothes?"
"Ah…They got lost on the roads of life…?"
Besides, Yamato and the boys had some shopping to do – and he knew just whose money to spend.
A/N: So things have been getting a bit tense lately, and I wanted to reward you all with a bit of fun and fluffy crack, involving our favourite Mother Hen – thus, an insight into The Incident. A bit different from my usual style, but I hope it was fun to read! I know I had fun writing it.
I'm probably going to make this a standalone one-shot as well, just to share Yamato's trauma with everyone. So if you see it hanging around in the next few days that's why.
Much love Team 3