A bubble of air expanded, lifting her up, up, up into weightlessness. It was nice up there, freeing. But when it popped – as it always did – Sakura was right back where she started; free falling into wakefulness.
Shizune had been there the second time the fall hit – when her eyes snapped open and reality came surging up to meet her, like bones on concrete. It was her decision to let the bubble re-inflate, carry her somewhere else. Sakura hadn't been allowed to stay awake long enough tell the free from the fall. And, in the back of her dreamless mind, she was grateful.
Morphine was a careful mercy in her veins, periodically pumped through when the pain grew too much, or simply when Shizune noticed the blank sheen to her waking eyes. Consciousness had to be reintroduced to her in bits and pieces, lest she give into the breakdown she was certain to be on the precipice of.
Sakura knew she had been on a tightrope of sanity the moment she first woke up, and it was only Shizune's calm, knowing eyes that seemed to catch onto her failing balancing act before she inevitably made the swan dive into hysteria for all to see.
Visits, medical tests, even debriefing had all been put aside, and her Senpai had given her one last aching look before tenderly sending her back under, to lift that bubble up, up, up again.
The next few times the bubble popped were just as difficult and Sakura found herself struggling to build a resistance to the dread of falling – of waking. She didn't know how much time had truly passed, but this time when she awoke, she stayed, only very vaguely aware of the people crowded around her.
Talking wasn't high on her priority beyond a stifled smile and weak nod of the head when Naruto or Sasuke wheedled her with worried looks and hopeful eyes at the mere sight of her. She got by with requests for water and rest – pain and disillusionment stealing words she didn't have for them. For anyone. It was all she could do to come to terms with the emptiness living in her like a second soul.
Or, perhaps more accurately, a gaping hole where once another used to dwell; amplified only by the massive dead spot where her chakra used to belong. But she couldn't think about that. In fact, Sakura was happily blind to it when He so easily preoccupied her winding thoughts.
Atsuhiko. He was a phantom pain lingering just out of reach. The harder she focused, the further it took her away and yet she couldn't completely shake it either.
Her body had become accustomed to his presence; muscles stretching around him, imbedding him into her fibre, adapting and accepting. Now, she was stretched around nothing; a part of her so recognisably missing. It left her hollow. Or at least absurdly focused on that unsealed black hole of nothingness.
She knew what had happened. The fact that she wasn't dead. Well that was a three-way miracle in itself. She had both feet in the grave and had given almost everyone she knew a shovel to complete the damn picture. She knew. She was ready. Or at had least convinced herself it was the right thing. The only way.
Atsuhiko hadn't died, not in the technical sense. But he was gone, along with a part of her it seemed.
And Sakura felt like she was the dead walking with that secondary nothingness living in her body in dormant cells. A faulty chakra-core. A useless lump of potential; destroyed, just as she begged it to be.
Sakura swallowed her scoff, only succeeding in sending herself into a coughing fit right in front of the few people whom she hated to look so weak in front of. A cup of water was gently pressed to her lips, Shizune lightly ordering slow sips. And Sakura hid her burn of humiliation behind that paper cup, not willing to meet the twin stares of Naruto and Sasuke cramped around her hospital bed and looking all the more concerned.
That, she supposed was one of the harder parts.
She had survived. It should've been enough to have her screaming from the top of the Hokage monument in celebration. All the things she almost had to leave behind now right at her fingertips and just waiting for her to grab hold with both hands and revel in her second chance at life. All of her family, her friends, her teammates, everyone so damn happy she was alive.
Yet, every time that bubble popped and she opened her eyes, only emptiness came for her. She couldn't muster the joy she so desperately wanted to feel when apathy had built a solid armour around her – caged her in with survival as her only companion.
She was as scattered as her thoughts, unwilling as they were. Her brief periods of lucidity weren't enough to coax her properly out, not when the world beyond seemed so foreign. But no, that wasn't right. Home hadn't changed. She had.
Sakura simply didn't know where she belonged in the picture anymore.
The risk was too great to even consider. Rationally she knew it was fear that was holding her back – keeping her lethargic and numb – but she eagerly relaxed into its steely grip as though her life still depended on it. And in some ways, she knew it did.
She didn't have strength of mind for those questions floating just beyond the reach of her cage. Could she still be a Kunoichi? What use did anyone have for a combat-medic who couldn't use chakra? Would she still be a part of Team Seven? What was her life to be now? Did she even want it…?
It was just easier to be separate for a while… than to find out the truth that you no longer fit.
Naruto was holding her hand again, she only knew because she had come to recognise that warmth with the haunting shame carving itself into her marrow. She met his eyes only briefly, not having strength enough to match his encouraging grin. But when she drew her eyes away it was to meet Sasuke's.
His stare felt as blank as her own and this time it was Sasuke who looked away first. A twisted emotion pulled at her dry lips before Sakura could even comprehend what it was she felt in that moment.
Then Shizune was setting her clipboard aside and instructing the boys to leave so as to give them some privacy. They went with no resistance and Sakura would've been surprised at such agreeable behaviour if not for the muted relief that had her body losing its tension as they slipped from sight.
"I just need to do a quick check-up, Sakura." Shizune was saying, her words a quiet courtesy as she began poking and prodding. "Then if you're up to it you can have a shower. I brought you something for your modesty, but I'm afraid you'll have to endure the hospital gowns just a while longer."
Sakura nodded. She couldn't remember the last time she bathed. A shower sounded Godsend! She almost laughed bitterly at her thoughts. But all humour, poor as it was, fell away as she watched Shizune set down her stethoscope and raise a glowing green hand to her chest.
Sakura could tell it was diagnostic simply from the shade, and the part of her that would've distinguished the difference from the mere feel ached like a phantom pain.
"It's simply diagnostic." Shizune said needlessly, though Sakura was grateful for the sound of her voice all the same. "We're refraining from any chakra treatment until more is determined as to your condition."
She had ascertained as much for herself, but hearing it almost made her water make a second appearance onto her lap. Instead she sat perfectly still and let Shizune wave pale green hands over her body, keeping her mouth perfectly shut when all she wanted to do was gasp and scream because she felt absolutely nothing.
Stiff white sheets strained under her hold as Sakura stared forward and let Shizune finish the exam. She appreciated it more than words could tell when the woman didn't bother plying her with murmurs of shallow comfort – the optimistic cheer some doctors and nurses occasionally made the mistake of trying to impart on a patient with no such hope.
The cool professionalism of her Senpai and her silence was a better balm to her nerves than morphine had ever been, and wasn't that a sad truth. Sakura took slow measured breaths and sat in all that wasn't said. Tsunade and Shizune had never coddled her, even on the darkest parts of the job, and they weren't about to start now.
But the medic in her couldn't ignore the facts. She didn't try to deny them, she just wasn't brave enough to say it out loud yet. She guessed Shizune knew that too. The combination of thoughts threatened to drive her breath hitched and Sakura swallowed roughly against it.
Then with a gentle hum, the older woman lifted her hands and set about making her notes, offering Sakura her chance of escape. She didn't waste a moment testing the stability of her legs as she threw off the covers and raced for the bathroom, stumbling her way straight into the doorway before managing to slam it shut and fall gracelessly onto the floor.
Tears burned hot behind her eyes but didn't fall. She didn't have much control over her life at the moment, but this she could control, pitiful as a consolation prize it was. Sakura yanked another unsteady emotion back into her careful cage and began the humbling task of crawling into the shower.
But the mixture of days in a bed and her sudden jarring motion caught up with her in a rapid onslaught of nausea. A dry heave lurched from her and she managed to expel the minimal fluids through chapped, shaky lips and onto the tiled floor. The gloss of phlegm, water and bile reflected back at her under the sharp lights, and with a trembling arm Sakura reached up to push the faucet and wash it all away.
The water came in a hammering of cold, and it wasn't until her nails were tinged blue that she even noticed. Sensibility moved her limbs for her, and Sakura wrapped arms around her knees as hot water began to cascade down in steamy streams. She wished she could've felt the difference.
She sat under the spray and stared sightlessly ahead as moments passed like water; slipping off her bruised skin and down the drain. It was only the vague itch to her stomach that eventually pulled her attention downwards. It took a few blinks to comprehend the image, and when she did, Sakura merely stared.
Her hospital gown had been soaked to the point of near transparency, just see-through enough for her to see the band of gauze secured to her torso and already leaking blood from its wet edges.
"Right…" Her voice was hoarse and Sakura knocked her head back against the tiles, numbly cataloguing her ruptured wound. No wonder he can't stomach to look at me. I practically begged Sasuke to run me through...
Sakura drew another breath and looked down through wet lashes at the site. She hadn't felt it – all but completely forgot about it. Though at this point she didn't know if that was the morphine's fault or her own.
Either way, she was bleeding and had done a fine job of exposing the area to an array of water and pressure. Perhaps Shizune had thought she would be smart enough to know how to bathe around a wound – gave her the opportunity for independence and autonomy. Prove she wasn't useless as she was.
It's just… she hadn't felt it. And now she simply didn't care.
Sakura drifted a lazy hand to her side and let it rest against the leaking wound as she sat under the scalding spray. She had made a home in her armour of survival. All steel edges and blunt lines, strong enough to keep her together. She just had to stay inside. Just a little while longer…
Hiashi Hyuuga swept his eyes up and stared intently ahead. A fine crease marred his brow, a twitch forming at the corner of his mouth the longer he stared at the ink-stained skin of Hatake Kakashi. The term idiotic surfaced to his mind, followed swiftly by genius.
Pearlescent eyes blinked into power and he inspected his Rokudaime's gently pulsing chakra network. He could see the tenketsu point which had been tampered with and around, shuddering like a dying oil lamp in his lower abdomen. Hiashi mildly marvelled over the Fuuinjutsu seal that Hatake had haphazardly slapped over his torn tenketsu point – it had done its purpose in freezing out the point so that no chakra could escape it's gaping tear.
Still, it did not account for the tenketsu's oddly docile behaviour, nor the inexplicable neatness of said tear. There should've been a large degree of chakra pooling out of the burst point and poisoning the man to his slow death, yet there was only mild inflammation to the area. The point had been expertly manipulated into a state of hibernation; a feat eerily similar to that of only the most skilled individuals of his Clan. It was indeed a troubling assessment.
By the thread of his respect, Hiashi held his tongue over the issue. He was here to provide his expertise, not his commentary – loathed as he was to admit such a distinction had never scared him off offering his opinion in the past.
He blamed his age. Or perhaps it was the grave set to the Rokudaime's frame. He'd always known the man to be infuriatingly eccentric in both his tastes and habits, and such unprecedented characteristics had remained even after he was named Hokage.
But as it stood…
Hiashi deactivated his Byakugan and leaned back in his chair, hiding a sigh behind his cream sleeve. He did not wish to waste idle thought on the troubling solemnity of his Leader following such a dramatic return of his team. Though that decision did nothing to quiet his gnawing contemplation over him.
"Your thoughts, Hyuuga-sama?" Shizune prompted from his right, all clean lines and professionalism, pressed as they all were in her private office in the light hours of mid-morning.
He did not envy her responsibility for the man before him. Hatake's team had returned days ago and yet it was only now that he had been requested for aid. He did not doubt it was by another's hand that Kakashi even found himself receiving such treatment in the first place.
He had caught the tail-end of Shizune's incensed lecture just moments before he entered – the absolute irresponsibility of downplaying's one injury so as not to concern others.
The notion irked like a catalytic under his skin. Such recklessness seemed to be contagious among the members of Team Seven. Even so… for someone with a past like Hatake, Hiashi held concerns that perhaps it was his own misguided form of self-atonement. He pursed his lips and drew his voice.
"Fortune and Fate appeared to carry you in their favour, Hokage-sama." He directed to the man in question, noting the barely-there twitch to his fingers. Hiashi turned to the medic.
"The 'chakra-patch' he routinely self-administered appears to have kept his chakra from poisoning him beyond mere discomfort and lack of ability. Your initial healing of his symptoms has flushed his system of any prolonged affects. I should easily be able to re-establish a link between his tenketsu and pathways. Assuming he is fit for such intervention."
Hatake had yet to move, stationed as he was on a medical cot before him, chest bared and eyes steely though downcast. Dignity kept the man's stance, but it was as though something else entirely were weighing him down, stealing his habitual ease.
Hiashi didn't care to speculate, nor did he intend to pry. But instinct prickled that something was fundamentally wrong with the placid man sitting before him. Ignoring the woman's nod and curt hum, he continued, simply unable to help himself, apparently.
"However. What remains unclear his how he was able to completely contain his tenketsu rupture in the first place. The patch only did so much, the greater advantage came from his pathway's apparent time in stasis, stopping chakra production to the area indefinitely." He eyed the man and rolled his jaw. "So, whilst the damage is minimal, that doesn't change the fact that this should've ended far worse."
His lilac eyes caught Kakashi's second flinch of the morning, and Hiashi pounced with the good grace of a seasoned (and allegedly cantankerous) Clan Head. "Despite your skills, and the skillset of your team, such a phenomenon is inconceivable without a proficient Hyuuga present. Not to mention wildly unnecessary given the nature of your diplomatic mission to Suna, Rokudaime."
Hiashi told himself he wasn't nosey, it was purely the healthy curiosity of a concerned, high-clearing individual and member of Konoha High Counsel. His personal stakes in the matter of his son-in-law's teammates were a fledgling thing.
He noted the straightening of Shizune's spine, the way her eyes slid fractionally to him in assessment. Hiashi didn't pay her mind, if she were in this room, she knew the details. He didn't like feeling the odd one out in any case.
"Rokudaime?" He said, innocuous yet unbent. They still needed his expertise to rectify the issue at hand.
Someone beyond his knowledge was practicing Hyuuga Clan techniques outside of Konoha. It was impossible to miss such fine-tuned echoes of another in Kakashi's chakra network. And for whatever purpose, his Hokage was withholding information on the person responsible.
A swell of irritation threatened to surge; the sacredness of their doujutsu, the pride of their Clan was at stake and yet he was being denied an explanation. He didn't have to be a well-seasoned shinobi to recognise his sense of duty when such occurrences and concerns were placed before his very eyes.
Eyes he would be proud to use for his Rokudaime. If the man but met his stare.
"Kakashi-sama." He tried a third time, though gentle had never been his strong suit. "I only wish to be of service to my Village, and protect my people."
The man on the cot shifted, facing tilting up. Yet still Hiashi was denied eye contact as Hatake curved his face into a smile, no mask even necessary when the man was as opaque as storm clouds.
"Your service has and always will be valued and cherished by both myself and Konoha. However, I'm afraid for the time being that is classified information. Thank you for understanding, Hyuuga-sama."
This time, Hiashi did sigh. He never had bested the man in a game of patience and wits, particularly when politics came into play. And with the secretive nature of Haruno-san's apparent grave condition, Hiashi anticipated there would be a wait yet for any answers.
"I see. Well then, I do you hope you keep such gratitude in mind for future reference. And, as for whomever was skilled enough to save your life… They have my acknowledgements." It came out grumbled, despite himself.
He blinked his Byuakugan into existence and with Shizune's nod, he began. It took not twenty minutes to re-attach the tenketsu point and ensure systematic harmony within his chakra network. Still, an inkling of dissatisfaction lingered, even as he stood and was thanked by the medic.
By the time Hiashi was straightening out his cream haori and Kakashi was slipping off the cot to retrieve his shirt, he had made up his wandering mind. "I would like to offer some counsel before I leave, if you would have it, Hokage-sama."
Hatake remained with his back turned, his hands still over the hem of his shirt. "Yes?"
Perhaps the lack of respect would've grated on him, but Hiashi had enough experience to know when pride was its own hinderance.
"I have only reattached your pathway tear, there is still the matter of healing to overcome." He stared at the man's shoulders, bunched in tension. "You are still misaligned, Kakashi. You must unknot the wound you have still yet to heal, else this Village will fall into the same disrepair you inflict upon yourself."
He showed himself out after that. He had other things to concern himself with.
Hiashi shook off his shoulders and marched calmly into the winter's morning. He did not offer advice often, particularly not in the regards to ones' self-harmony, least of all his Village Leader. Still, if the man respected him enough to ask for his expertise, then he would do well to accept the wisdom hard-earned over many years of self-realisation.
As it was, he had other, more important people to commit his time with today. With a secret smile, Hiashi walked towards his daughter's favourite teahouse.
He was meeting with Hinata today, and he wouldn't be late.
Shizune shuffled papers on her desk as she carefully watched Hiashi depart. She didn't miss the sagging of Kakashi's shoulders, nor did she overlook the gaunt edges to the man's face. It was less her skills as a medic and more a lifetime of experience that told her his exhaustion had almost nothing to do with his physical wellbeing.
She pursed her lips to keep her sigh at bay, absently straightening items as Kakashi slowly shifted the last of his clothing into place.
He gave her a brief glance, his voice soft. "Thank you, Shizune." Then he was heading to the door, all dull eyes and blank stare.
And Shizune simply couldn't hold her tongue a moment longer. "She's awake now."
Kakashi's entire frame froze, hand fisted uncomfortably tight around the doorknob as it all but groaned under the pressure.
She forged ahead, not giving the man another moment to think. "She managed to make it out of bed, but recovery will be slow. We'll be decreasing the morphine so that she can remain conscious for longer periods, though visitation will be strictly limited until a full examination can determine the extent of her condition."
Shizune briefly closed her eyes. She hated the idea of Sakura being considered a threat after everything she went through, but it was protocol. Now that she was awake, they needed to ascertain how much of risk she posed. They owed it to Sakura to make sure no more damage could be inflicted, least of all by her hand.
"All visitation rights will be awarded by either Lady Tsunade or myself. However, as Hokage you have unlimited access to any patient. Though you hardly need your position to see her."
The man before her recoiled before his body lost all tension, his hand loosening slightly as his head dropped a fraction of an inch. Still he did not turn to face her, and still Shizune did not relent.
"She's alive. So you can stop punishing yourself."
His hand slipped entirely from the door, his chin tilting until she could just see the corner of his face. She frowned at the look of pure anguish painted across the breadth of his eyes. Sympathy tempered her tone, though it was not enough to stall her words.
"I've never seen her like this." She admitted, quietly now. "…She's lost. I think now more than ever she needs not to feel abandoned. She needs to know she's not alone."
A shallow gasp escaped the man before her and then he was gone, the whips of smoke curling around nothingness in silent retreat. Shizune stood and stared until the smoke was gone and her office was stagnant, only remorse staining the air so strong she had to sit.
Sakura stood facing the closed door of the bathroom. She had planned on sneaking back into her room and fetching supplies to re-dress her wounds herself. She hadn't thought twice about changes of clothes and bandages when she sat herself under the mercy of the showerhead for a good hour.
She had tried waiting until she was sure no one was in the room to leave the confines of the bathroom, trailing wet puddles at her feet. She had already made the mistake of trying to sense another chakra presence, and she was rewarded with a swift pinch of pain and the draining of her last inhibitions.
It was all pointless. And maybe she truly was an idiot, for when she slid open her bathroom door, there were no less than three people crowded about her hospital bed, arguing in hushed tones.
The parts of her that wanted to curse herself out for not noticing anyone through mere sound were swiftly replaced by muted shock when all three people swung their attention towards her and all her soaked, transparent glory.
Sakura didn't have the mind to care though. Not when she was drowning in Tsunade's hard hazel gaze for what felt like the first time in months.
"Shishou." She croaked and winced at the disuse of her voice, at the way everyone's attention narrowed that much further into her cold skin.
Sakura kept her attention desperately trained on her mentor, courage not yet within her to tear her gaze away from the woman who had granted her all her once-strength. Tsunade rewarded her with shrewd eyes, sweeping up and down in assessment before finally turning her attention back to the men at her side.
"You two. Out."
Naruto's protest was pained despite his controlled tone. "Wait. Baa-chan please, Sakura needs – "
And then there was the way he was glancing back at her like he thought she might do something drastic like make a run from him, or maybe try to drown herself in the bathroom sink. There was a yearning concern to his cerulean eyes that not even his optimism could dim.
Sakura dropped her gaze, acknowledging she hadn't given him much reason to think otherwise. She'd barely spoken to either of them, hardly given them a shred of comfort when she had none herself to spare. And now, she was dressed in a sopping wet hospital gown with a blood dripping down the outside of her leg.
"Don't make me repeat myself Uzumaki!" Tsunade said just a fraction under a bellow. "Get out before I throw you out on your ass."
Naruto tore his gaze back to the older woman, flint to his eyes and a small downward curl to his lips. "Fine. But we're coming right back after we visit Sai." It was a promise, though it felt almost like a threat, and Sakura swore to herself that she wouldn't dread their return.
Naruto spared her another aching glance, then turned away. "Come on, Teme."
There was a moment of silence before Tsunade clipped, "Problem, Uchiha?"
Sakura didn't dare look at Sasuke. He remained like a wraith in the corner of her vision at all times. Perhaps if she had the ability to actually look at him she would've seen the pinched expression on his face when she still refused to meet his eye. Maybe a part of her cared about the sorry state she must've looked, but a the more vocal part of her was content to not care at all.
A severe surge of exhaustion began rattling her cage, and Sakura tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, holding her sorry ground.
"Hn."
"You better discover some more syllables in your repertoire of speech next time you talk to me Brat, or else I'll confine you to Rock Lee's side until you pick up a few pointers on vocabulary and respect!" Tsunade was calling after him.
The shadows were moving in her periphery; her most precious people slipping from view. Her boys whom she loved so much. And she couldn't even face them.
The neat click of the door urged Sakura's attention up, and it was only when she met Tsunade's harsh frown that she felt air simultaneous return and evaporate from her lungs. Words. She had to find words. She was better than this. Tsunade had made her better than this.
"I… Shishou, I – "
Sakura didn't even stand as chance as Tsunade was suddenly rushing forward to gather her up in a hug so bone crushing she almost wept. A harsh spike of air escaped her as her feet left the ground, the press of another body against her own; maternal, relieving, promising that everything was going to be okay.
She felt like a child; the return of some fragile wailing emotion threatening to engulf her if she didn't swallow it carefully back down. Her hands found the back of Tsunade's haori and gripped – all antiseptic, earthy aromas, and vanilla bean sweetness – holding on for dear life, or perhaps the chance at a miracle.
"You foolish, remarkable child." The woman whispered to her crown, rocking her gently back and forth as they stood in the middle of the lonely room, water seeping into her front just as it dripped onto the floor in transparent pink puddles.
Sakura didn't have words, but she didn't let her tears speak for her either. She merely held on, gratefully suspended away from everything else for a blessed moment. Facts, practicality, reality shut dutifully behind the closed door as she hung in her mentor's arms. A mother's embrace.
A fleeting thought had her wondering about her own parents. But there was a shadow to her thoughts that scared her off. How disappointed they might be at her fall from grace. Or worse, how relieved…
Tell me. Where do you call Home?A whispered voice traced a shiver up her spine, so faint Sakura convinced herself she had never heard it at all.
Everything was abruptly chased away when her feet touched the cool tiles, and her senses snapped back into place. At once Sakura scraped up all the dignity she could muster. She was still a kunoichi, raised and grown into such by the very woman before her. She would not disgrace anyone by acting any less than the woman she was… difficult as it was to find her…
"Shishou." Hands fell away from her shoulders and Sakura took the opportunity to bow, heedless of the way the action pulled at her stomach. "I… I'm sorry. I screwed up."
Tsunade didn't refute her, and for that she was mildly grateful. To waste a gift like hers, to throw away years of training and decades of potential – the lives she could've saved! – it was a screw up whichever way it was spun. Self-pity was a grain of rice against the loss of the Village.
Sakura didn't dare straighten as she waited in her mentor's silence. She watched stray drops of water drip from the tips of her pink hair – so short now, how hadn't she noticed before?
Firm manicured fingers curled around her right shoulder, urging her upwards and Sakura slowly faced Tsunade's grim stare. There was contemplation behind it, though Sakura wanted little to dissect the analytics flying around behind those honey eyes. She braced herself regardless.
"Are you really going to stand there all day and make a mess of my fine floor?"
Sakura blinked around her shock, muted as it came. Then Tsunade was sighing at her and ushering her towards the left-most cupboard.
"I trust you still remember where the spare towels and gowns are. You're not getting out of cleaning up your mess just because you're my apprentice."
Sakura complied, barely functioning beyond what was automatic and natural to her. The well-worn quality to her Shishou's voice, comfortable as it was in giving orders. The layout of a hospital so unchanging in its design and utility. Before she knew it, Sakura was stripping out of her hospital gown and carefully drying herself as she disposed of the mixture of blood and water staining the floor.
She hardly realised when Tsunade sat her on the side of the bed and beckoned to look at her side. She didn't register the aches of her body or her state of undress as she sat quietly like a child before their parent. She didn't look as Tsunade peeled away the gauze, with an inaudible tut. It was easier to stare at the neat lines of shelves doting the far wall, labels and warnings and safety signs decorating her room in perfect mundanity.
"You want to know?" Tsunade said suddenly, though her attention remained arrested with her task of cleaning and inspecting the aggravated wound on her stomach.
Sakura felt the pinch of cold air against the raw lesion, but didn't look down, couldn't for some reason. "I have a feeling I already do." She answered, voice as neutral as her mentors. "Shizune mentioned my doctors notes would be sealed for the time being…That bad huh?" She tried levity but it fell flat. A bubble burst in the most underwhelming of ways.
Tsunade hummed, it was neither here nor there. Impartial, as though they were discussing nothing more of significance than the latest hospital rotation. "Blood work has been inconclusive, though that's hardly surprising given Kakashi's extensive report. I've never known the man to submit such detailed paperwork." She commented blandly.
Some vague part of her piqued at the sound of his name, but Sakura barely spared it a further thought. She was much too interested in pretending she wasn't on the verge of total collapse at whatever else was about to come out of Tsunade's mouth.
"There wasn't much we could do when you arrived the way you did. We almost exacerbated your chakra-poisoning a great deal by attempting to save your life. My apprentice came back in critical condition and I couldn't even use any damn chakra to save her. I nearly had to step back as lead medic, you little shit." The woman glanced sharply up at her, the accusation somehow affectionate despite everything.
A smile touched Sakura's lips even as Tsunade began poking her injury with tender fingers, tsking and humming.
"But as you are aware, we damn well did it. Your healing time will be nearly triple what you could normally expect from injuries such as yours. You'll be on antibiotics and bed-rest for a while yet, not to mention regular check-ups. I'd need a Hyuuga's consult but your chakra pathways showed signs of severe corrosion. Your core itself… well that's another issue entirely."
Sakura nodded numbly along, breathing into Tsunade's clinical assessment. The fear that had kept her from wanting to hear a moment of it had melted somewhere between sitting on the bed and Tsunade's light hands on her.
The woman's gentle actions were almost in complete juxtaposition of her words. Tsunade stitched her together with hands of a mother, while speaking to her with the words of her mentor. Sakura felt unbalanced, yet the warm hands and firm voice of her Shishou were ironing out the creases she had bent and conformed herself into, with but the simplest touch.
Sakura's nimble fingers plucked absently at the threads of her towel hung over her shoulders, shifting to allow Tsunade room to redress her wound. "I knew it was a risk." She admitted quietly, grateful to the way the woman didn't react one way or another.
"I was aware of the potential consequences. I – " her voice wavered before she straightened and met her eyes. "I accept that my kunoichi career has reached its conclusion, Tsunade-sama. It was an honour to serve this village, and as your apprentice."
Sakura wasn't at all prepared for the way Tsunade thumped her over the head with her fist. A yelp escaped her as she quickly reached to cradle her aching head, tears cornering her wide eyes.
"Brat." Tsunade admonished, looking equal parts pissed off and unphased. "Do you really think I'd give up on you after all the trouble I went into shaping and teaching you? Don't be an idiot, Sakura. It doesn't suit you." Without further ado, the woman resumed her careful work.
The rational side of Sakura took control before she could dwell on the unwanted truth of her protests.
"But Shishou, even if my chakra network could be repaired, and even if my core could ever be restored, the fact still remains that my chakra core has been exposed to a foreign and dangerous entity. It might never be the same again, I could never trust myself to use it around others. And how could I even contemplate healing if there is even the slightest chance my chakra could react adversely. I'm danger to everyone around – "
This time it was the heat to her Shishou's glare that cut her off.
"Shut up. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, and I'm not saying I can guarantee you'll ever be the same again. But I'm not going let the most gifted woman I know give up on herself simply because she's afraid of a little power-boost. If your idiot teammates can get away with walking around like radioactive timebombs and not give a shit, then so can you. The difference is you will actually be in control. You will be the master of your strength."
Sakura snapped her jaw shut, the conviction to Tsunade's words a wonderful fantasy in and of itself. She didn't want to voice her doubts. Still…
"I was content with the strength you had given me, Shishou." Sakura murmured, lifting her gaze up. "I don't want to rely on someone else's power, unwillingly forced on me. I don't want the reminder."
Honey eyes softened, and Tsunade leaned forward to brace her hand behind Sakura's head, fingers gently threaded through her short locks.
"I understand. But the reality is, with this God gone, whatever power that remains is now yours. It wasn't a benign link, Sakura. Based off reports, you shared in blood and chakra, and even our best tests couldn't distinguish yours from his. You may never regain elements of your old self. You may never be the kunoichi or medic you once were, but you can't hide from the fact that there remains a trace of a God in you."
Sakura felt the phantom rising of his touch along the length of her spine, the flutter of his presence beneath her skin, the echo of his words in her head. So good, so perfect, Woman.
Tsunade didn't give her a moment to draw back into her creeping fear. "I don't know for how long. Maybe it'll dissipate in a couple of days, maybe your system will absorb it into your own, or maybe it'll stay with you for life. But you can't ignore it, Sakura. And you can't be stubborn about a little leg-up, unwanted as it came. It a damn responsibility. But if I could trust anyone with its burden, you can bet your ass I'd choose you every time."
Words were lost to her as Sakura drowned in the new reality of her existence. She didn't want this. She hadn't expected… A prickle of well-worn fatigue infiltrated her frayed nerves and Sakura could do nothing but slump into Tsunade's stable grip.
Well. What's another burden between friends. Sakura consoled herself lamely with. The thought stirred something in her latent memory, jarred a buried emotion free. The last time she'd said those words… Kakashi hadn't allowed her to get away with them.
Kakashi… Are you - ?
She couldn't afford to think of that right now. Sakura steeled her spine and lifted her chin. "Yes, Tsunade-Shishou. I won't let you down."
A delicate thumb stroked the corded muscle in her neck as Tsunade leaned back and eventually dropped her hand to rest lightly on Sakura's knee. "I know you won't." She said with a shadow of a smile before rearing completely back and fetching a roll of medical tape.
"There is still the matter of a debrief and assessment to take place, however I am content to wait until tomorrow to begin. A Yamanaka will be in attendance as is protocol and Ibiki also asked to be present. ANBU will remain on guard at all times as precaution." Tsunade didn't betray her thoughts on the issue just as Sakura didn't allow her shallow fear to resurface.
She was already being treated favourably. In cases like hers she should've been whisked off to Interrogation the moment she was lucid enough. The truth of the matter was, she was still a potential threat. Sakura couldn't even say for certain herself that she wasn't. Not when Atsuhiko lingered like an aftertaste in her very soul.
I know you can feel it, Woman.
"In the meantime, I'm going to set up an appointment with Hinata and we'll see about the potentials of rehabilitating your chakra core and network once you're stable. There may be a chance yet, just leave it with me, Sakura."
Sakura snapped back to herself and opened her mouth to object, despite herself. "Shishou –"
The woman halted her with another knowing look, softer now. "I know, Sakura. One problem at a time. However, if it helps I've already thought about possible solutions for any potential 'foreign elements.' With any luck we might be able to redirect any chakra anomalies into a seal – similar to our Byakugou. If we can create a divide then you shouldn't have any issues remaining an active medical ninja. But I will be taking you off the blood donation roster indefinitely."
We share my chakra, just as we share my blood.
Sakura dipped her head, a ringing to her ears she couldn't seem to quieten. Shut up. You're not real. You're not here. You're just the remnants of his words. Something like apathy gripped her while exhaustion chased the voice away and Sakura carefully withdrew further into the safety of her cage.
"Understood." She said to Tsunade, a firm set to her lips.
"That's my apprentice."
There was light tug to her stomach and then Tsunade's hands were back on her, softly drying the ends of her hair and drawing the towel closed over her figure. Sakura let it happen, her mind drifting back to safe territory as her body laxed into the warm touch.
"Hey, Shishou…" She spoke before any real thought could form behind her words. "Have you seen Kakashi lately?"
A dull pang had her reflexively waiting for a comforting hand atop her head, but Sakura shook off the ache with a steady blink at her Shishou's furrowed brow.
"Hatake?"
A deep exhale had Sakura shaking her head, her bones feeling heavier with each passing moment. "I just… I haven't seen him since –"
She grimaced, flashes of memories cutting into her in relentless waves. His desperate voice, the sheen of fear in his eyes, panic in his every touch. She had asked so much of him, of them all. But she remembered, she saw the toll it took on him when she lay dying in his arms, after asking him to all but kill her. She had hurt him in ways she could never hope to apologise for – the proof was right in front of her in tender absence.
Another itch of shame burrowed in next to her resignation and Sakura willed a strained smile in Tsunade's direction. "Could you just make sure he's alright. Make sure he knows that I'm alright too. He doesn't need to punish himself for my being here. I'm okay."
She wanted to say more but the words never made it past her sore lips, rationality telling her no amount of talking could repair the damage she had inflicted on her team. With another sharp stab, her mind supplied her images of Sai – the things she had done to him, the state he'd been returned to Ino in. All thanks to her.
Sakura unconsciously curled in on herself, digging her teeth into her bottom lip until new indents formed alongside the chew bitten flesh.
She didn't know where she sat in the war with herself to see them or to never show her face to them again. The suffocating clutch of survival kept her far too preoccupied.
Tsunade was silent for a long moment as she watched Sakura silently withdraw further into herself. The girl hardly noticed her lack of answer, just as she didn't notice the thoughtful twist of her lips. In the end, she didn't reply. Instead, she simply reached for a fresh gown and wrapped its papery comfort around Sakura in slow, easy movements.
Vacancy slipped back over Sakura's lime orbs and Tsunade gave into her own sigh, quietly tying the strings to the girl's gown shut. There was hardly a flicker of movement, barely a spike of chakra and yet Tsunade blinked at the familiar signature flashing out of sight from the window.
Surprise surged with irritation and Tsunade almost gave in to her baser urges to storm over to the window, grab the Hatake brat by the neck and throttle him. Idiots. The lot of them. She ground her molars in brief consideration, shrewd eyes darting from window to Sakura to the door until she made up her mind.
"I'm sending Lee in." She declared suddenly, noting the way Sakura's head tilted up in mild surprise. "Kid's been bouncing on his heels waiting for an opportunity to see you without Naruto and Sasuke chasing everyone out."
Tsunade watched the flash of understanding pass over those hazy green eyes, a spark of light colouring them in as a shred of the old Sakura peeked through. The girl was always sharp, could read through her just as easily as Shizune. Tsunade didn't care if her intentions were obvious, it meant enough that the outcome remained the same.
A weak smile pulled a little at Sakura's lips, her eyes drifting back to her lap. "I'd like that."
Tsunade supposed she should've had more reservations about granting visitation rights to one of Konoha's most enthusiastic creatures whilst Sakura was by all accounts one loud word away from falling completely from reach.
Still, she trusted in the girl's intelligence just as she trusted in her unyielding strength. It would perhaps be a bit much for any other person to be presented with an example of their potential future when their loss was still so raw, but Sakura had always been cut from harder stuff than most.
"ANBU will be notified. But I'll make sure he doesn't try taking you on any excursions in the name of adolescence of whatever."
That startled a laugh out of Sakura, her correction a soft, "In the name of Youth, Shishou."
Tsunade paused as she stood, steel to her voice as she beckoned attention. "Sakura, I'm proud of you."
Jade eyes sharpened with colour as the girl pulled her shoulders back and faced the world with far greater courage than Tsunade could ever attribute to herself.
"I won't let you down." She repeated, the smallest spark of fire back within reach no matter how fleeting.
Tsunade granted herself one final check-over before striding back to the door and instructing the ANBU on guard to send Naruto and Sasuke straight to her next they tried to visit Sakura. She could see how their presence weighed on her, despite all good intentions. They simply weren't what she needed right now, Tsunade could understand that much at least.
Rock Lee was exactly where she last saw him, waiting patiently in the white plastic chair, hands perfectly set in casts and eyes as clear as the winter sky. Tsunade kept her smile hidden when she granted him permission of visitation; his expression grave with the responsibility of one who knew exactly how to handle a butterfly with a broken wing.
Perhaps such an outlook would've grated her in the past if anyone dared accuse her apprentice of needing such coddling. But Tsunade knew better than to ignore the voice of mourning, lest of all when she knew it was only human to crave comfort.
With that, the Godaime continued her stride, fists clenched and intent on her next target.
Damn it all. I'm supposed to be retired.
Kakashi looked up from his desk when the doors to his office were unceremoniously slammed open. He leaned back in his chair, face neutral despite the raging aura that threatened to explode from the casually seething woman.
He could hazard a guess as to the reason for her presence and a significant part of him wanted nothing more than to shut down the impending conversation in its tracks. He had lingered too long at the window, the penance for his indecision – his cowardice – was well-earned, though he knew not how many more lashes he could take.
Still, he set down his pen, full attention granted to his predecessor. "Tsunade-sama. What can I do for you?"
"You can start by taking off your shirt."
Kakashi blinked at that. Then he leaned around her figure to eye the wide-open doors. "…Maa, I don't think that's particularly workplace appropriate." He settled on, calculating her angle.
"Oh, shove it Hatake." She kicked the doors closed with her heel and then strode up to the lip of his desk, peering down at him. The early afternoon sun reflected the determined set to her caramel eyes, "I'm here as a favour to Shizune to check your side."
Odd, seeing as he had only just been with her earlier today. He didn't call her bluff though, sensed she would get to the point sooner or later. "Right. And Shizune is?"
The woman jutted her chin. "I gave her the rest of the day off."
Part of him yearned for his time over to give Shizune the sanction himself, Kami knows the days hadn't been easy on her either. But he had been preoccupied…
Fatigue tipped his souring mood further over the edge, but he held on to his deflection, playing along. "Ah. That explains why I haven't been able to find her. I suppose that answers that question on which Hokage is her favourite." He said blithely, though he could do nothing to hide the tightness in his eyes.
"If you're quite done Brat, I have other things to do today."
Kakashi held his ground for only a moment. "Hai."
For the second time that day, Kakashi found himself slipping off his shirt to be exposed to the calculating stares of his people. It wasn't so much the persistent chill to the winter air, so much as Tsunade's sharp blast of chakra that sent goosebumps rippling across his bared chest. He stifled a grunt, not missing the flash of vindication alighting her hard honey eyes.
She leaned back though she did not leave his personal space; a stand-off as they stood toe to toe in the Hokage chambers. "It's looking good. Shizune did a miraculous job with this, considering."
Kakashi dragged a heavy breath, knowing he would regret clarifying. "Considering?"
"Considering you're an ass of a patient and she had to work with Hiashi of all people in order to treat you!" She snapped, swiftly turning on her heel and putting merciful distance between them once more.
Kakashi inwardly grumbled at the reminder, smoothing his shirt back down and slipping into his seat. "I never thought I'd see the day Hyuuga Hiashi would be jumping to volunteer his services for such a mundane task as fixing a leaky pipe."
She narrowed her gaze dangerously at him. "When it's a chakra leak of his village leader, you can bet your ass the old fart would want his own expertise on the issue." Tsunade pursed her lips and shook her head. "Nevertheless, they both did a commendable job in making sure you didn't suffer any permanent damage, despite all your best efforts."
Kakashi found himself nodding, disregarding her barb. "Thank you for checking, Tsunade-sama."
The woman regarded him coolly, folding her arms under her chest and tilting her chin at him with an air of cunning. "You're lucky it wasn't worse than it was. You're lucky you came back in one piece."
There was something loaded to her remark, a very clear reminder ringing loud in the quiet room. And Kakashi realised he was entirely too tired to entertain whatever lesson it was she thought she could lecture him with. His guilt was far too full to endure another downpour of his itemised failures as both a Hokage and a man.
"If that's all then, I really must be getting back to work. Thank you for stopping by."
When Tsunade continued to stand there and he did not relent in his dismissal, she cracked. The slam of her hands on his desk was expected but no less unpleasant. "Your dedication to paperwork is damn concerning. Stop it."
A singular silver brow rose. "Pardon."
"Up until a few weeks ago, you were practically itching to get out of this office every time you stepped through it. Now, you're voluntarily sleeping here. You're running Shikamaru into the ground with all the overtime you're putting in!" Tsunade glared him down, slim fingers digging into the hardwood of the desk. "You haven't been a second late since you returned, Kakashi. You're punctual. It's disturbing."
Kakashi spent a moment studying her before leaning back in his chair and stating. "There is a lot to catch up on."
"And a lot to avoid."
He held her eyes and rolled his jaw, his hackles rising before he could think better of it.
She leaned back, looking down her nose at him and asking loftily, "Where are your books?"
"In my other uniform." He said, a bite of steel lining his tone.
"And your balls? Where did you leave those?"
"Excus – "
"Don't, Hatake!" The woman bellowed.
And something in Kakashi relented. Once more – against his better judgement, against his bruised pride – he allowed Tsunade to tear down his character, regardless of how little he had left to cling. Some shameful part of him even beseeched the bitter censure.
And his Godaime did not disappoint.
"My apprentice has been lacking her pathetic excuse for a Rokudaime as a visitor for almost a full week now, unconscious or no! If I catch her straining her eyes for a flash of silver hair again, I'm going to shave your damn head myself and glue it to that Uchiha brat. Kami knows he's been as stubborn as Naruto in defiling my hospital visiting hours."
He wanted to laugh. So bad. But he was too afraid that if he opened in mouth, he would choke instead.
"Well?" The incensed demand would've made a lesser man flinch.
But Kakashi didn't have much left in him to do so. All he had was his reasons; stupid and pathetic as they were.
"…She almost died." He told her. As if she didn't know. As if that was an entirely logical cause to avoid Sakura. As if his failure to protect her wasn't written all over him in invisible scars.
"Correction, she did die. Twice." Tsunade said coldly, wringing a flinch out of him regardless. "Haruno Sakura was dead on my table for three of the worst fucking minutes of my life. But I brought her back. So you can quit acting like I didn't damn well save her and that she hasn't been sitting in that hospital bed wondering when you might come check to see if she is in fact still breathing!"
Blood was rushing in his ears, his pulse was in his throat, and yet Kakashi did nothing but lean back in his chair and turn his gaze out over the frost-bitten Village, bathed in fragile sunlight.
He didn't let Tsunade see how much her words tormented him, not when he had already been playing that very information on loop on his mind for the last week. He couldn't let her see how badly it broke him to know he wasn't strong enough to see the woman he loved lying in a hospital bed she had no business being in – not when he knew she had all she needed and wanted by her side already.
He wouldn't let Tsunade see just how badly he had fucked up in falling in love with her apprentice… only to willingly give her up to another man.
There was a weighted sigh, and Kakashi tried to ignore the familiarity of such a sound. It didn't matter he wore a mask, it didn't matter that he deflected and shielded his thoughts and feelings. Tsunade was a woman worth her title and skill.
"Kakashi." She said quietly, prompting him to cast his eyes to hers in a modicum of respect and regretful curiosity.
And he hated that instead of disgust and anger, he saw understanding and yearning in her warm caramel eyes. She couldn't know. She couldn't, because if she did, then Kakashi had every reason to believe he'd be sent flying to Iwa through the tempered glass window at his back. She couldn't know because if she did, then she wouldn't be looking at him like that.
Kakashi grappled, hands clutched around nothing, breath short, eyes closed so that he didn't have to see.
"She misses you." She said as if that was all there was to it. "She needs you just as you need her. So pull your head out of your arse and go fucking see her." There was a harsh breath, and then she relented the smallest inch, voice soft. "We aren't usually this lucky in life, Kakashi. Don't waste it on your fear."
How could he tell her that he already had?
He didn't have a moment to let his shields of deflection lower. A sudden knock at the door had the moment evaporating into a cool veneer of control. Neither bothered with surprise when the door swiftly opened without permission and in strode Naruto and Sasuke – bracketed by ANBU he had no doubt didn't want to spend another second attempting control of the pair.
Tsunade broke their silent stare-off first, a twitch to her brow as she swung around to the men emanating no small amount of annoyance at being parted from Sakura's side.
"You two, with me." The woman curtly commanded, already striding back out of the office.
"What the hell, Baa-chan! You're not even Hokage anymore, you can't keep bossing us around – "
"Shut it, Uzumaki. You're both over-due for a full check-up, and seeing as I'm in such a damn benevolent mood, I'm going to do you a favour and rectify that right now."
Naruto's protest was lost as he slipped entirely from sight on Tsunade's heels. And Kakashi found himself holding Sasuke's stare as the man remained there, scouring him with a glare so indifferent another man might've shunned under it.
Words were pointless when the accusation was written all over the panes of the kids' blank face. Something in Kakashi finally cracked and he tore his eyes away to nod at the ANBU lingering questioningly at Sasuke's back.
"Best not be late for Lady Tsunade, Sasuke." He said, neutral with an edge of dismissal.
The kid had already won, Kakashi wasn't sure what there was left to say. The sooner he got his check-up, the sooner he could return to Sakura. Kakashi didn't know why the hell Sasuke would waste even a second on him.
The ANBU moved to brace an arm on Sasuke's shoulder and Kakashi wanted to warn him off such a tactic. The touch was roughly shrugged off and Sasuke took a single step forward before flicking his head to the side in a semblance of a scoff.
Kakashi was too tired to dissect the kid's obvious frustration with him, instead he took a quiet amount of relief when Sasuke sullenly charged out after Naruto, the ANBU quick but reluctant to follow.
His silver head knocked back against the edge of his chair as he consulted the wooden panes of the roof. Grey eyes slipped closed as he ruminated over the unfolding moments, and still what was there to do or say?
His thoughts never strayed far from Sakura, and how could it when he made sure to receive a report on her every change, movement and visitor. But he had to let her go. He promised he would. And this was one promise he would keep.
That didn't stop him from summoning Pakkun and sending him over to Sakura though. The saury would have to wait, but he could grant her this at least.
"Look after her, Pak." He whispered as the pug eagerly vanished out of sight.
Then he was alone.
Sakura was asleep when Yamato wedged the door open. Late afternoon light streamed in through the open window, gentle yellows and purples painting the quiet room in colour to its stark setting. He had heard the quiet laughter earlier when he stopped by and chose to instead visit Sai whilst Sakura was occupied.
The surprise he felt when he saw none other than Rock Lee step quietly out of the room but an hour later left Yamato reeling with a soft smile. The young man sent him a warm grin and a firm nod and then he was slipping soundlessly down the quiet hallway.
As Yamato looked at Sakura now he could see the effects of the youth's infectious nature had perhaps taken a toll on the girl. But, judging by the peaceful set to her features, it seemed to be a positive one.
He ran a hand through his messy hair as he contemplated his options. He didn't wish to disturb her, however he had yet to see her since she had properly woken up earlier today.
Not many had the privilege in fact. Yamato felt a stab of sympathy for the concerned parents several floors down, bombarding the receptionist with questions of when might their daughter's condition be declassified.
After-all, a full and thorough debriefing had yet to take place; an interrogation. Now that she was awake, Sakura posed a certain element of risk, influenced as she had been under a hostile party. It was protocol, but that didn't stop Yamato from resenting it on his entire team's behalf.
A stray curiosity had him re-evaluating Rock Lee's apparent access, but one look at Sakura's restful features confirmed this theory. An exception had been made if it meant brightening her spirits, if in the most unlikely of ways.
He should just leave her to sleep. But then, he wasn't sure when he'd next get the chance to see her.
Yamato stole another glance at the door and recalled his conversation with Ino but ten minutes earlier. Mind made up, he silently crept to the bathroom and took a cup from the sink, filling it with water. Setting it on Sakura's bedside, he carefully pressed his hands together and focused.
Within moments a bouquet of cosmos flowers bloomed into existence, delicately filling the air with a lingering sweetness. He had only just begun to arrange the flowers in the glass when a voice stalled him.
"Taichou?" The small voice murmured from his right and Yamato tried not to startle at her waking green eyes.
"Sakura!" He whispered, hands already flying to hover above in her mild anticipation. Did she need water? A nurse? Had he woken her? Was she in pain?
"Yamato." She repeated and this time it sounded watery.
His eyes shot to hers and his chest yanked uncomfortably at the glossy appraisal of her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you – "
He cut off when her hand wrapped around his waving fingers, gripping clumsily if strongly. He immediately calmed, reversing their grip so she could hold on properly. He slid into the bedside chair and let Sakura squeeze his hand as she sniffled and shuffled awkwardly on the bed.
Yamato helped work herself up under the covers and let her run her gaze over him as she blinked the water from her eyes. "…You're alright." She breathed.
Something tugged inside him and he smiled kindly at her. "Of course, Sakura. We're all okay. We're all home now."
She nodded slowly, a slight haze drawing over her eyes, though she didn't let go. Then her head dipped and she hid her face from him, asking "Sai?"
He could read the guilt from where he sat, just as he felt her grip tightening on his fingers when he said, "No change, but he's stable." Her shoulders rose and fell unevenly and Yamato grappled for a lifeline. "Ino-san said she'd be by soon." He repeated, recalling the blonde's authoritarian demand.
Sakura flinched under the words, and meekly whispered. "Ino?"
There was hesitation to her that Yamato thought perhaps he understood. It was that same hesitation that shinobi often felt when faced with the spouse or child of a comrade lost in battle.
But this was different; Sai wasn't lost and Ino was anything but a mourning widow. Still, the guilt lingered as it always did in their line of work. More so when the shellshock of the battle had yet to leave their nightmares.
He chose his words carefully. "She's constantly thinking of you. She just needs to be there for Sai when he wakes up." This time he squeezed her hand when she shuddered, and continued, "In the meantime, she asked me to give these to you."
With but a tiny flare of his chakra, he reproduced a single cosmos flower in the palm of his free hand and offered it to Sakura.
She blinked around its vibrant pink petals, her eyes darting from it to him then over to the glass full of the blooming flowers. It was when her bottom lip started wobbling that Yamato questioned if he had really read the moment correctly.
He plucked the flower from her loose grip as Sakura curled in on herself and stifled another unsteady breath. He was just about ready to call for back-up in the form of the Yamanaka woman herself when help came bounding in the most surprising of packages.
They both startled at the caramel ball of fur that abruptly planted itself firmly on Sakura's lap with a gruff, "Yo."
Pakkun's presence stole the fragility of the moment with all the grace of Kakashi's chronically irritating habits, and yet, it won a laugh out of Sakura. Yamato glanced at her relaxed features as her grip eased ever so slightly from his hand.
"Pakkun." She marvelled half-way between shock and happiness. It didn't take long for Sakura to gather the Ninken up completely, cradling the pug to her chest with careful but familiar arms.
Pakkun's dark eyes met his for a moment and Yamato detected a stare of pure judgement from the dog, so reminiscent of Kakashi he almost wanted to scold the pug on principle. But he held his tongue, content to watch Sakura tenderly rub her cheek along the top of the Pakkun's head.
Any and all tension leaked from the room in slow, even breaths as a soft cool breeze trickled in through the open window, giving life to the quiet moment.
"Sorry, Yamato." Sakura suddenly said, voice calm in a way he didn't expect. "I… I don't know what came over me."
Yamato allowed her the white lie, unwilling to call her out on such a common-place reaction to her situation. "It's alright. I'm just happy to see you awake. Although, it's hard not to take offense when you clearly prefer Pakkun's company to my own."
The joke stirred a brief laugh out of Sakura and she turned a warm stare on Yamato even as she cuddled Pakkun closer. "It's not your fault you don't have squishy pads for hands." She said softly, fingers already massaging the pug's soles in what appeared to be mutual comfort, judging by the dog's sound of assent.
"No one comes close to my paws." Pakkun declared, preening like a kitten with fresh milk.
Yamato wanted to roll his eyes. Kakashi's ninken certainly took after their summoner – he wasn't sure how Sakura could be so fond of such a creature. But then again…
"You doing okay, pup?" Pakkun asked, finally being placed back onto the girl's lap and turning to face her fully. Yamato wished he was brave enough to ask such a thing outright.
Sakura shrugged, fingers idly stroking his fur this way and that. "Yeah."
Yamato found himself meeting Pakkun's disbelieving stare, and then shook himself when he realised he was engaging in silent conversation with Kakashi's talking dog.
"There is no shame in being not okay, Sakura." He tried to catch her eye but Sakura was intent to keep hers averted.
"I'm fine, Yamato. Really. Just… a little tired I guess."
He felt Pakkun's heavy stare drift back to him, 'say something' it urged, 'something more productive'.
Yamato rolled his jaw and sighed, searching for the right words. "We're all more than capable of it, you know? Of being not okay. It happens more than you think." He felt her attention on him, the way her fingers dug lightly into Pakkun's fur.
"Sasuke might be the most fretful young man I've ever met, not accounting for myself of course. We channel it in different ways, but he worries over you and Naruto like a distressed mother duck." A snort came from Pakkun just as a huff of air escaped Sakura. "And I think you've eased enough knotted muscles from my shoulders to know how much I stress. You're a regular witness to my 'not okay'."
He saw the slight nudge of her head in his direction, hands stilling, eyes lifting. He continued.
"Sai likes to close off sometimes, and stick to us like glue, yet he never says anything. He tries to figure it all out in silence, though you and Naruto never let him. We both know how Naruto hides behind his smiles, I think it was you who taught me that. We don't let him get away with that either. And, well I don't think I need to tell you what a big softie Kakashi is."
"Ya got that right." Pakkun yipped in agreement, earning another huff from Sakura. "The man tears up over political correspondents. Absolute cry baby."
"I think it's more tears of misery for the ensuing paperwork." Sakura said, a small but earnest pull to her lips.
"Like I said, cry baby." Pakkun affirmed, his chest puffing further in pride at Sakura's responding smile.
"Did you know he actually reads poetry too?" Sakura supplied suddenly, a distant look on her face as she stared out the window. "Henges it to look like Icha Icha… He rubs his eyes when he's close to tearing up."
Yamato tilted his head, studying her expression under the cool light. "He told you that?"
She shrugged, eyes soft. "I figured it out on my own." Then she was taking a breath, hands consciously loosening as she resumed her careful petting. "Is he… Have you seen him lately?"
The question was aimed at both of them, though Sakura likely knew the answer with Pakkun sitting in her lap. Yamato cursed the man to Kumo and back as he opened his mouth. "Kakashi is…"
"He sent me to keep you company while he's stuck in office. Apparently, the paperwork piled up while he was away." Pakkun finished with a stretch and deadpanned stare. "He's been moaning about it for days now. He's a real sorry sight, Pup."
Sakura nodded, the softness to her smile dimming through her understanding. She read straight through them both, though relief seemed to sag her shoulders either way. "It's okay. I understand… hospitals." She gestured lamely to herself, before tilting her head back and sighing. "As long as he's okay… As long as everyone is okay."
No one commented on the way her eyes went blank, or the way she zoned in and out of focus, hands twitching every now and then. She tried to mask it when she could, and they took it at her pace.
They sat like that for the rest of the afternoon, words exchanged in trivial simplicity, taking turns stroking Pakkun's fur and prompting small smiles out of each other. It was distraction, plain and simple. But Yamato was more than happy to give it to her, happier still to have Pakkun to do the things he couldn't.
It was under the fading light and another vacant stare that Yamato knew the road to recovery was far from over. He watched as she drifted to sleep, her eyes trained on the cosmos, and Pakkun warm on her lap as she slipped into unconsciousness.
"He's a damn idiot." He told the pug under his breath.
"Always has been."
He let out a deep breath before turning to the Ninken. "You staying?"
"I'll keep her company. I heard she's not been sleeping well."
Yamato nodded even as a frown crested his brow. "I'll see if I can get her something to eat for when she wakes."
Pakkun sniffed, laying his head across Sakura's thighs. "I'll be here."
Yamato closed the window just as the air began to grow crisp and made his way towards the door. A thought had him faltering and within two strides he was back at Sakura's bedside, hands pressed together. Within moments a crown of flowers emerged from his palms, inlaid with daisies, cosmos and baby's breath.
Pakkun raised a brow as Yamato carefully leaned over to place the crown atop the sleeping girl's head. "Pretty."
Yamato didn't really spare him a thought as he brushed the hair from Sakura's face. "Sleep well, Sakura."
Ibiki nodded to the ANBU stationed at the door as he entered the small room in the early hours of the morning, flanked by his Godaime, a Yamanaka and Shizune.
Short petal pink hair shifted as the girl on the bed looked up at them; her hands wrapped up in what appeared to be a crown of flowers, green eyes blank as she studied them. He took quick note of what appeared to be a Ninken at her ankles, nosing her calf once, then twice before she took a cleansing drag of air; her stare of vacancy melting into one of acknowledgment.
Her back was straight as she gracefully placed the chain of blossoms on her bedside table and smoothed her hands down her sheets. Ibiki could see the weight of steady resilience settle across her slim shoulders as she turned to meet their eye again, firmer now. He'd never seen the girl look so young than as she did; propped in a hospital cot inlaid with flowers and animals.
Yet, there was conviction too, undeniable in the set of her clear gaze.
The animal summons at her side made to nuzzle the girl's palm in what could only be encouragement and then he was off, departed in a puff of smoke. Ibiki licked the back of his teeth in mild consideration of Hatake's lead Ninken, calculating the aborted twitch of the girl's fingers as she was at once alone.
Then Shizune began her soft instruction of protocol, of what was going to happen next and how it would work – a sweet torture in itself. It was like dangling the guillotine before its next victim, explaining its purpose and mechanics. Though he supposed that came in part with being a doctor. No use trying to disguise the knife when they had to trust you with a scalpel.
Ibiki filtered her clinical words out, eying the room bathed in the grey morning light; sterile and bleak. The tang of antiseptic stung his nose and he idly noted that if it weren't for his proclivity for the shadows, hospitals would make a fine setting for any interrogation.
Maybe it was generational, but he'd take a prison cell over a hospital room any day of the week. With a heavy crunch of his boot he took the final step across the threshold and closed the door with a neat click.
The girl on the bed back glanced at him, and Ibiki met her stare with equal respect and wariness. He could read the edginess to her frame; the way she consciously relaxed her grip on the white sheets in her lap.
There was fear there, but also determination. Whatever she had faced, whatever she was still facing – she was prepared to relive it all over again for their sake.
For the sake of the Village.
With a nod Ibiki pulled himself a chair – taking unprecedented care not to screech its legs across the linoleum floor – extracting a scroll and pen.
The Godaime lingered at the window, her indifference feigned, as the Yamanaka joined Shizune at Haruno's side.
A crinkle of linen. A breath.
"I'm ready."
Ibiki clicked his pen.
"Then let's begin."
A/N: I'm baaaaack. Thank you for your patience everyone. Work absolutely demolished me these past few months and for that I apologise for the lack of updates. Hopefully this chapter was little more comfort than hurt – it was basically just Tsunade being MVP the entire time so….
Nevertheless! We are working our way back to the good times I dare hope to say, just a few loose ends that first need tying off. If there is one thing I lack, it is likely perspective. Can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. This bish has gotten DENSE!
Bless you all and your poor beautiful eyes.
Much love team.