Chapter 21

There was a more subdued mood at the dinner table, the exertions of the afternoon play having worn out the littlest ones who were also battling their excitement that Christmas was almost here. For the older children it was a time of reflection, most of them trying to form in their minds the words they would say when it was their time to talk about the people they loved and missed.

Mrs Winter and Grace set down big platters of sliced ham at each end of the long table, with steaming bowls of buttered potatoes and green winter vegetables, the latter bringing groans from some of the children who knew the rule was that they didn't get dessert unless they ate what was on their plate. The adults would eat later, but for now all were pitching in to fill the plates of the children and help with the cutting up of meat for the youngest.

Chuck had arrived late in the afternoon, planning to spend the evening with them before heading over to the ranch to help his mother. Work didn't stop there because it was Christmas Day but Tess Stewart did like to give those of her staff who had children at least a few hours off to spend with their families. So as much as he would love to be here with Grace and the others he knew it was more important for him to do his duty. At the end of the day there would be a big Christmas dinner for everyone and he had to admit he enjoyed that time. Some of the older hands had been part of his life for as long as he could remember so there would be lots of reminiscing and after a few drinks the stories would become even more embellished than the last time they had been told.

He and Lucas had carried Nathan downstairs, using their joined hands to form a seat for him despite his protests that he would find a way himself. One look from Abigail reminded him that she was Maggie's deputy as far as his care was concerned and knowing the reputation she had for standing no nonsense when she was mayor of Hope Valley he quickly conceded defeat.

Now he sat in the wheelchair off to the side, awed by the ability of these children to not see their differences in life and just get on together. They really were like one big family. Watching Allie enjoying herself with the others reminded him just how much she had missed out on. It can't have been fun growing up as an only child with an uncle who was learning the ropes as he went and yet she seemed to be doing okay. At least he hoped she was.

His eyes caught Elizabeth's as she looked up from the other side of the table, a spoon of greens in her hand as Little Jack was making it clear that he wasn't going to eat any of that. He smiled as if to say I've been there as her voice drifted across, "Well, you will have to go straight to bed after dinner if that is the case. Only children who make no fuss about their dinner will be allowed to join in what is planned."

Little Jack's bottom lip came out for a moment, his eyes going wide as he tried hard not to cry. Nathan knew exactly what was going to happen next and chuckled to himself, remembering how Allie would do just the same with Colleen when she was Jack's age. Putting down the spoon Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her son, nuzzling her face into his neck as she whispered, "Oh my sweet boy, momma doesn't want you to cry. But we are not at home now, I don't make the rules here. Can you imagine what it would be like if every one of the children decided they didn't want to eat something? Poor Mrs Winter would have worked hard for nothing." She looked across at Nathan over Little Jack's head and gave him a wink. Just like Colleen, he thought.

Allie watched the interaction between the two adults from where she was sitting further along the table, another sign to her that things were changing. Chloe and Joe were seated either side of her and she could tell that they were struggling more as Christmas Day grew closer. It was going to be such a hard time for them so soon after losing their parents and whilst she didn't know exactly what had happened in the fire she had picked up enough of the details to know that it had been traumatic. She wished there was something she could do for them but she had no idea what that was.

With the plates cleared away Lillian stood at the head of the table and explained to the children what this remembrance time was, stressing to each child that this was to be about good memories. She spoke of what it was like losing her own parents as a young girl, with the added pain of being separated from Grace, and how scared she was that she would forget them. What they looked like, their voices, how they smelt. But she was a lucky one, having a wonderful couple adopt her and bring her up in this very house there was never a moment when she was not allowed to talk about her birth family and this tradition had been started by her mother for that very reason. To have them here in her heart to celebrate Christmas.

Megan, the oldest of the longer term orphans spoke next, her voice breaking a little as she began but growing stronger as she told them how her mother would let her help with making toffee on Christmas Eve, a tradition from her Scottish side of the family. They would giggle as they stretched the toffee into long strands, with her sometimes falling over backwards as her little hands lost their grip on the gooey mass. Her mother would fold it all back over then, kneading it with her knuckles, before they started the process again.

Unnoticed in the doorway of the kitchen Mrs Winter was struggling to hold back her tears. Why hasn't she said anything about this till now? she thought, would she like me to do that with her next year? Or would that take away from her memory? It always broke her heart to think she had missed something that would bring happiness to the children and so she made a mental note to herself to speak to Lillian about it.

Around the table they went, Lillian and Grace filling in for the little ones with the stories they could tell about their parents. Abigail and Bill watched, knowing they had a lot to learn about how to deal with the loss these children had suffered and the ongoing heartache. Neither ever thought it was going to be an easy task, Abigail remembering how it had been with Becky and Cody when they first arrived. Then it had been the whole town who rallied around to help the children and they knew Hope Valley would do it again.

Allie could feel Chloe and Joe both stiffen beside her at the realisation that their turn was coming. Surely no-one would expect them to speak if they didn't want to, she thought. But Miss Lillian and Miss Grace knew much more about this than she did and perhaps they believed it would be good for them.

Grace began speaking about baby Simon's family, telling everyone how happy and excited his parents were when he was born and how much they loved him. She didn't dwell on the day that his mother turned up at their door asking them to look after him for a short period while she nursed her husband who had contracted scarlet fever. Nor about his subsequent death and how she then succumbed to the disease herself. Instead she spoke of how his mommy would spend time on the front porch with him on her knee, tickling his tummy until he giggled, all the while with a look of pure joy on her face. And whilst he may not yet understand those words the children around him did and they would help to nurture the picture of this memory in his mind as he grew up.

When she finished she turned towards the other end of the table, a slight look of concern on her face causing her to pause for a moment. Seeing an opportunity Allie put up her hand. "I'm not sure whether I'm included in this Miss Lillian, as my situation is a bit different from everyone else here."

Realising what Allie was doing Lillian nodded her agreement, "Of course you are Allie. Your memories of your parents are just as important and cherished as everyone else's."

Allie began hesitantly, not having thought about what she was going to say and unsure of what her uncle would think when she started speaking about her mother. Or her birth father. She daren't look at him but somehow she could feel his love from across the room and knew that even if she got upset he would be there to hold her and make things right.

"I remember my mum's laugh", she began. "Uncle Nathan says I sound like her but I don't think so. There was a lightness about hers, it radiated sunshine and sounded as though she was playing music to show how much she liked something. She would hug me tight when I was upset and then whisper in my ear, Laugh whenever you can Allie, it keeps the sadness away. You must never let that in."

Nathan closed his eyes as Allie spoke, remembering his sister as she was before her bad marriage and then the illness changed her. How she would twirl around the room, her laughter like the softest sound of chimes tinkling in the wind and her eyes sparkling as she teased him about being so serious all the time. The usual pain hit him then and he struggled to keep it from showing on his face, not wanting Allie to see how much her words were affecting him.

"So many people have told me that I am like her, from my smile to my love of books, but I don't think I will ever be as beautiful or magical as she was." When she realised people were about to disagree she quickly continued, "but that's ok, I don't need to be. I know now that she was like that a lot of the time because she needed to escape all the hurt that surrounded her but I don't have to do that."

Now she was looking straight at Nathan, the love shining from her eyes hitting him so hard he felt the air being forced from his chest. "I have my Uncle Nathan, the best father anyone could ask for. When my mother died my real father abandoned me and I know from overhearing what people say that he was, still is, not a nice man. Not everyone is meant to be a father and I guess he was one of them. But somehow I think that in my case God knew just who that right person was. When I look at Uncle Nathan I can feel my mother beside me because I know how much he loved and protected her just as he does me. I am the luckiest girl in the world."

Suddenly realising how much she had spoken from her heart she stopped, looking at all the children seated at the table. "When I first came to this orphanage I felt sorry for you all but seeing the love that surrounds you from so many people I no longer think that. We can't change the past, as much as we would like to, but we can remember the best of it and embrace the goodness of what we have now."

The room had gone silent, the depth of Allie's words touching everyone as the adults looked at each other wondering how a young girl could have such a profound understanding of life.

Still no-one spoke and Allie felt that it was up to her to say something more. She looked along to where Little Jack was sitting. "I hope Mrs Thornton won't mind me saying something on Little Jack's behalf. He never got to meet his father but I know from what people tell me Mountie Jack would have been a great dad. I have heard so much about what a wonderful man he was, not just from the adults in Hope Valley but also the children. Some of the boys still talk about how he taught them to play baseball and how he always looked for the best in them, trying to find a way to help rather than punish them when they did something wrong. I know that as he grows up Little Jack will learn more about his dad and while someone else may step in to the role of raising him he will always have his father in his heart."

She sat down with a thump on the bench then, as though the energy had all been drained out of her. Elizabeth had moved around to stand behind her and now she drew her into an embrace, unable to put into words just how much what she had just said meant to her. After a moment she whispered, "I think someone would like to give you the biggest of hugs right now", knowing that Nathan would be right there if he was able.

As Allie rushed across to where Nathan was struggling to fight back his tears Chloe suddenly stood up and began to speak. "Our ma always smiled, even when I know she was crying inside she would smile for us. She did everything to make us feel loved even though it meant at times that she suffered more herself. When she thought that Susan hadn't been brought out of the fire she didn't hesitate to run back in and I guess, at the end, pa showed his love too when he followed straight after her."

Joe's voice cut in beside her, very low at first but getting stronger with each word, "Pa wasn't always a bad man. I can still remember the times when he would be out in the yard playing with us until ma would shout out that it was late and we should be getting ready for bed. He would scrunch his face up at me and say there was still time for one more game of hide and seek. Ma would never stay angry with him in those days, or any of us for that matter. Everything was so different then. Everyone was happy."

He began to cry softly to himself and very quickly his sister's arms were around him. "It's alright Joey, we need to remember what it was like. You and I spent so much time in the end being scared that we forget it wasn't always that way. We must make sure that the others know that too. We have to tell them the stories just like Miss Lillian says."

Allie had wrapped her arms around Nathan's neck, the emotion of her words suddenly overwhelming her. He brushed her hair back off her face and lifted up her head so that he could look in her eyes, not trying to hide the tears that were falling from his own. "I love you Allie-girl, more than I have probably ever told you."

Glancing up to where Bill had come to stand by his side, a questioning look in his face, he gave a small nod. "There's something I was going to do tomorrow but today seems the right time. I hope no-one else will mind but I have a feeling they will want to share in our joy."

Allie had stood up, looking confused until Bill indicated for her to sit on the chair that he had placed in front of Nathan. From his pocket he removed an envelope and a small box which he handed to Nathan. Then stepping back he put his arm around Abigail who had moved to his side. This, he thought. Just this. One of those moments in life to be cherished.

Nathan cleared his throat, trying to get his emotions under control. "Allie, I don't know how to reply to the words you have just spoken except that I consider myself to be the luckiest man in the world to have had you come into my life. You bring sunshine to everything you do and love to everyone who has the good fortune to meet you. You make me laugh every day, which is probably a good thing because once you become a teenager I have a feeling I will be crying in frustration most days as well."

The ripple of laughter that followed was what was needed to lift the emotion to where it should be for what was happening. The tears had dried on Allie's face now and he could see her smile, Colleen's smile, beaming back at him as an inkling of what was about to happen began to dawn on her.

Opening the box that Bill had given him he drew out a gold necklace, at the centre of which was a heart with a hand touching it on either side. Allie gasped when she saw it, remembering him speak about her mother having one just like that. "I bought this for your mother with my first pay check as a Mountie. I knew that her life wasn't easy so I wanted her to have something as a reminder that I would always be there for her no matter what distance was between us. That our hands were connected by love and as long as she had this around her neck she would never be alone."

Allie went to touch the chain but pulled back, scared that it would break. Then Nathan looked up at Abigail, "Would you mind? I'm not exactly capable of dealing with something so delicate right now." Taking the necklace from him she placed it around Allie's neck, making sure it was fastened tight, feeling the trembling of the young girl as she did.

"Before I came away I had Uncle Bill draw up the papers that would allow me to legally adopt you and my plan was to give them to you on Christmas Day, along with this necklace of your Mother's. Knowing how mischevious you can be leading up to Christmas I had a feeling that if I left them in the house you would somehow find a way to sneak back in looking for hidden presents and come across this. So I put them in my saddlebag to keep them safe. Considering the way things have worked out it is a good job I did."

Allie was grinning now, nodding at her uncle's description of exactly what she would do. In fact what she had actually done after he left only to be disappointed when she found nothing.

"I'm not sure whether there is a formal ceremony or words that we should do and say at this point but even if there is I don't think we need that. Allie, you have been in my heart from the day I first held you in my arms as a baby and my daughter ever since you came into my home. Would you let me make that official? Will you allow me to be your father?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" Allie cried out, jumping out of her chair and dancing around before she rushed to embrace him. "I love you dad, I've been praying for this moment for so long. This is the best Christmas present ever!"