Chapter 14
Allie was inconsolable, the tears showing no sign of abating as she lay curled up on her bed. Lillian and Grace had tried to comfort her and even young Chloe had spent some time in there talking softly about anything but the anguish Allie was going through right now. Eventually Elizabeth had been called, her own hurt clearly evident on her face but mustering up courage she took the girl into her arms and let her cry until she wore herself out. Eventually Maggie administered a mild sedative and sleep finally overtook her, the best thing for her right now they all agreed although the tears would undoubtedly return when she woke.
Abigail and Bill had spent most of the night sitting at the table in the kitchen, taking comfort from each but knowing that they couldn't give in to their own emotions as they remained the core strength around whom everyone else revolved. People came in and out of the room and to every one of them they offered a voice of hope, arms of comfort and a confidence that all would be well which neither was certain about themselves. It was Christmas Eve and Little Jack's birthday, yet the house had such a sombre mood that it was difficult to think what was the right way to deal with both events. But somehow they had to lift themselves out of their gloom and make this a special day for the children.
They had brought Gabe in first, in the early hours of the morning, Bill and Chuck carefully lifting him off the back of Apollo and carrying him upstairs into a bedroom where they laid him gently on top of the coverlet. Abigail and Lillian got to work on him quickly, removing his freezing outer layers and wrapping him in the blankets they had already stacked there before Mrs Winters came bustling in with hot water pigs wrapped in towels that were then tucked down each side of him.
Elizabeth and Allie had watched them enter from the door of the kitchen, relief that Gabe had been rescued tempered with the worry for Nathan. They held each other close, waiting for Bill to pass back out but too afraid to ask the question that was on both their lips. He stopped in front of them, the tears threatening in his eyes as he softly said, "There's hope, there's always hope." Then quietly to Elizabeth he added, "You must prepare yourself and Allie for the worst. We brought Gabe in first as Chuck believed it gave him a better chance. But Nathan has put his body through a lot carrying Gabe, who knows what damage it has done."
Out in the cold Lucas knelt beside the man he had seen as his opponent for so long, willing him to live. Oblivious to the freezing temperature that was now cutting into his limbs he had taken off the big heavy coat and wrapped it around Nathan, using his own hands to try to rub some warmth into the cold skin of the other man. As a shiver ran through him he wondered what strength of character must a man have to do what Nathan had done, to carry his friend through a blizzard at risk to himself.
It dawned on him then that this was the man with whom he had the closest bond, if not the most amicable, and he wondered if under different circumstances it may have led to friendship. He remembered all the times Nathan had put aside his own feelings and come to his aid and suddenly felt a weight of guilt for not having done the same. Instead he had always looked for any opportunity to put him down in order to curry favour with Elizabeth. And yet something had formed between them that he couldn't explain. Perhaps it was their love of the same woman. Or the acknowledgement that neither of them quite fitted the normal mould, though in the case of Nathan it was because he was a more honourable man than most.
He knew this was a pivotal moment, a time when he could perhaps make some reparation, and so he stood, pulling both of Nathan's arms with him as he raised his motionless body to a standing position and then mustering all his strength he lifted him onto his back. He felt rooted to the spot, not knowing how he was going to move his feet but determined to start the walk back. Every minute may make a difference to his chance of survival so the closer he could get him to the orphanage before Bill and Chuck returned the better chance he had. Slowly he began to rock back and forth, getting enough motion going to propel himself forward. He could hear Nathan's heart beating through the layers he was wearing and used this to time his walk, the rhythm of it slow but steady. The path ahead was relatively clear, the horse having first stamped it down and then his own and Bill's boots making it flatter. Still it was hard going, the weight of the man on his back feeling greater with each step he took.
Never having been a particularly religious man Lucas now found himself looking to the heavens and praying, the need for this man to live overwhelming him. What it would do to Elizabeth and Allie should he die was inconceivable and an image of them mourning suddenly came into his head. It couldn't happen, not if he had anything to do with it. When he heard Apollo approaching he gave a silent thank you skyward, repeating over and over to himself that while there was life there was hope. He knew that in the bigger picture what he had done was of little significance, and would certainly never be mentioned by him, but he hoped that the day would come in the future when he could look Nathan in the eye and call him his friend. That was all the reward he would ever need.
Chuck had not stopped for long once they got Nathan laid out in another of the bedrooms, the one Abigail and Elizabeth had been sharing. As a veterinarian he had more knowledge than the others of what the man's condition was and he knew that this was going to be a long and difficult night for everyone. If Nathan was still with them in the morning there was hope. Abigail and Elizabeth tended to him, following the same procedure as had been used on Gabe only a short while earlier but while he had showed some response to their administering, from Nathan there was nothing. So Chuck had once again mounted Apollo and ridden in to Brookfield to rouse Maggie Parsons and bring her back out.
Whilst Elizabeth and Lillian each kept vigil by their man others reluctantly went to get some much needed rest, sleep being something all of them knew would elude them that night. But the children would still have to be cared for the next day. Maggie moved back and forth between the two rooms checking the vital signs of the two patients and offering encouragement where she could although at times she struggled to find positive words to say.
Finally as the dawn broke Gabe opened his eyes. Lillian gasped, jumping up from her chair to take his hand in hers. She could see confusion on his face as he tried to say something. Although no more than a croak it was clear what he was asking. "Nathan?"
"It's not good, Gabe. He brought you home to me but Maggie thinks it may have been too much for his body to recover from. Even if he lives he may never be the same as he was before."
Gabe cried out, not from the pain as he tried to move but the knife that seemed to have just stabbed into his heart. He had vague memories of being carried on Nathan's shoulders through the snow as he had drifted in and out of consciousness. Had Nathan sacrificed his own life for him? He turned away from Lillian, not able to look at her as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he may be losing his best friend.
Elizabeth heard the movement in the other room and walked out into the hallway to see what was happening. The sound of Gabe's voice was the most wonderful thing, giving her hope that very soon Nathan would also be awake, but then Lillian's words reached her and she felt her heart sink again.
She walked back into the bedroom and closed the door behind her, fighting back tears and moving the chair closer to the bed where the man whose love she had denied for so long now lay. How could she have wasted so much time, she chastised herself. Memories came flooding back to her of when Jack had been injured going to rescue a young girl from a flood. She remembered the loneliness of those hours as she didn't know whether he would ever open his eyes to her and how she talked to him throughout the night. Now looking down at Nathan she knew she had to do everything she could to make him understand just how much he had to live for. She held his hand, shocked at how cold it still felt, despite the soaking it had been given in warm water for some time after he was brought in. Maggie had then bandaged his fingers to protect them and explained that they needed to be kept warm while the skin recovered and blood was flowing back fully.
Now Elizabeth held his least damaged hand against her heart, caught under her shawl with her own hand held over it to add another layer of warmth. Looking down at him she could see the toll that the night had taken on his handsome face. His cheeks were dry and ruddy, his lips chapped, and the long eyelashes that she had always envied now patchy and broken. But he was alive and that was all that mattered.
She began to speak, pouring her thoughts out to him in the hope that he would be able to hear her. "Allie is taking this hard, Nathan. She loves you so much that the thought of losing you is breaking her heart. I told you once before that you are her world and that remains true. She has always been so strong, way beyond what anyone would expect of a child her age but I don't know how she will ever recover if you were to leave her. You need to fight for her sake. Be here to see her grow up into the wonderful woman we know she will be. You will walk her down the aisle when she gets married. Hold her children… your grandchildren… on your knee and love them the way you have loved her. Let her live a life that is richer because you are in it."
She found it difficult to go on for a moment, knowing there was no point in trying to stop the tears that were pouring down her face now and so she took time to compose herself enough to continue. "I probably have no right to ask you to do it for me but I will. I need you Nathan. Like the sun needs the moon. You make me whole and I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to realise it. You are the most patient and understanding man I know and I thank God every day that he brought you to me. If only I had realised what was in my heart sooner. If only I had told you how much I love you."
She brought his hand up to her cheek, dipping her head to rest against it. "When Jack died I thought my heart would never heal, that no-one could ever fill the emptiness that his passing had left inside of me. But then you came along and the ease with which I found myself falling in love with you was frightening. I fought it so hard, terrified that I would give you my heart and then you would die like he did." She paused as her voice broke and she watched her tears falling on his bandaged hand like an elixir of love that would seep into his skin and mend his broken body. If only it was that easy. If love was the cure then this man would be sitting up in front of her with that crooked smile on his face, laughing at her for being so silly.
A sob escaped her and she thought she heard a movement on the bed but looking down Nathan was still in the same position, his head turned slightly towards her as though following what she was saying. Bending down to place a kiss on his cheek she whispered into his ear, "I love you Nathan Grant. I am in love with you. I wish I had told you that a million times and more." Then straightening back up she said, "I need you to fight your way back to me for you are my lifetime love and we still have our story to write."
The opening of the door interrupted her and she looked up to see Abigail's head poking through the gap. "He knows you love him Elizabeth, it is clear for everyone to see in the way you both look at each other." She moved into the room as Elizabeth tucked Nathan's hand back under the covers, checking that the hot water pigs were still warm enough at his sides. When Abigail's arm reached around her she once more gave into her grief, no longer able to push from her mind the thought that Nathan may die.
A few hours later the stillness of the night gave way to the usual bustle of mornings in the orphanage, the excitement of it being Christmas Eve not manifesting as they expected as the children made their way down the back stairs into the kitchen. There was a bittersweetness about their subconscious understanding of the events of the night, yet their hungry faces served as a reminder that life goes on no matter what tragedy may have occurred.
Chuck Stewart had stayed the night in case Maggie needed his help with either of the patients, dosing on one of the sofas while Lucas took the other, the shared experience of the two men forming a companionable air between them. Silence had hung in the room for a long time as sleep evaded them, each man caught in his own thoughts until eventually exhaustion won the battle. Now they both stirred, taking time to reflect on the previous evening and wondering what they could do to help this morning. Lucas felt at peace within himself for the first time that he could remember. It seemed that even when near death Nathan Grant had a way of making an impact on his life.
Grace and Mrs Winters kept the children contained in the kitchen, the doors of the upstairs rooms closed to minimise the noise and prevent curious little faces peering in but despite their efforts to retain as much normalcy as possible, the subdued atmosphere was something no-one knew quite how to deal with. With all their plans now uncertain the two women made a show of allowing the children to play a game of charades at the breakfast table, a Christmas Eve treat they told them, while they waited for the plates of pancakes to be ready.
Little Jack sat quietly in the middle of the bench on one side, the exuberance of yesterday now gone. He knew it was his birthday today, they had been counting the days for a few weeks now, but as his mommy hadn't come to see him yet and he didn't think anyone else would know about it, he wasn't sure what to do. He looked around, hoping one of them would say something but no-one seemed to notice.
Watching the sadness on his face Grace wondered whether he had seen some of what had happened last night despite their efforts to make sure that the children were not disturbed. Now as she walked over to speak to him tears were filling his eyes and his bottom lip began to tremble. "Are you okay, Jack? You're very quiet this morning." He looked up at her with the biggest, saddest eyes before softly whispering, "It's my birthday but I think everyone has forgotten."
For a moment Grace was lost for words, understanding as she did what it was like to want just one person to acknowledge that this was your special day, not with gifts but just those two simple words that meant that you mattered enough to someone for them to remember. Now she quickly tried to think what they could do to make the day special for Jack, knowing that Elizabeth would not be in the proper frame of mind to be organising anything for her son. She lifted him off his seat on the bench and stood him up on it, turned around for all the other children to see him. "It seems that we have all been remiss about something very important today." Jack began to giggle as he looked around the table when the children began clapping, not understanding the big words Grace was using but knowing it was about him .
A voice from behind made him turn, almost tumbling off the bench as he saw Allie standing in the doorway. There was a strained look to her face but she had forced a smile to her lips and her reddened eyes were full of love for the little boy in front of her. With an effort that none of the other children knew about she walked over to Little Jack, reaching down to embrace him as she handed him a wrapped gift that she had been holding behind her back, "I bet you thought we had forgotten, didn't you? Happy Birthday Little Jack!" Then quietly in his ear she added the words, "Little brother".