Yang: Previously, on RvBvRWBY: Incursion...
"Hey, I could also use your help with Caboose," Church added.
"Me? Why my help?" Ruby asked.
"For some reason, Caboose seems weirdly comfortable with you in particular, and he listens to you."
"Gary, is it possible that the Great Destroyer can be an entire army of people?" Church asked the computer.
"No. The Great Destroyer is a single person who will come to claim the Great Weapon," Gary answered.
O'Malley groaned. "How much longer is this going to take?"
Then suddenly, explosions burst from groups of his troops, obliterating the machines in plasma blasts one by one. "What the devil?!"
"Lopez? Lopez!" The Spanish robot's voice wasn't heard, and just as O'Malley was about to get up to go check on him, he saw the shadow of a figure behind him casted on the ground next to him. "No…" He wheeled around and fired his weapon immediately, his yelling cries drowned out by the gunfire, until that too was silenced.
"Okay, the source of the distress signal is right outside this-Crap…" Simmons cut himself off, stopping next to Grif, who was already outside and stopped, staring out at the view before them from the outcrop they were upon. When the others caught up, they were treated to a view of a long, dirt-covered box canyon with two small outpost buildings at either end.
"NoooooOOooooOoooOooOOoOOoooooooooooOoOo!" Grif cried out in sorrow.
"I don't get it… what's going on?" Weiss questioned.
"Welp, welcome to hell. I'm walking back to suffer the robot army," Simmons said, immediately turning on his heel and walking back up the tunnel.
"Sarge, are we missing something here?" Yang asked.
"Girls… I can't even begin to explain it…" Sarge said hollowly.
"This sucks," Grif sighed.
"What do you mean 'you've lost the ship'?!" Tai exclaimed.
"It means that the ship's transponder went silent as soon as it crossed Vale's borders. This could just be a simple tech problem, Tai,"
"Or it could be exactly what I was afraid of, James!"
"She's a Huntress, Tai. She knew the risks and signed on of her own accord. I promise you, we will find that ship and they will return home, but don't put this weight on yourself."
"Hey, if Tex is not the destroyer from the prophecy, then who is?"
Suddenly, Gary went completely silent, not even answering the prompted question. "Gary?"
"Knock knock."
Church immediately felt something was off, and hesitantly asked, "Who's there?" He then heard an animalistic growl and slowly turned to his right.
Wham!
RvBvRWBY: Incursion
Chapter 7: Hunting Time
"Noooooooooooo! Nooooooo!" Grif cried, still rooted to the spot he was in upon first discovering their arrival at Blood Gulch, right at the edge of the outcrop the tunnel led to, whilst Yang, Weiss and the rest of Red Team had gone to ground level, grouped up below the outcrop, and all very annoyed by Grif's neverending yells.
"Is he ever gonna stop screaming? He's been up there for an hour," Donut said.
Weiss held her hand over her ears with a frustrated look and an angered frown, She snapped to Simmons quickly. "Please shut him up before I take up your leader's offer to filet him," She snarled.
Simmons looked up to the outcrop. "Hey, Grif! Shut the fuck up, get down here and help us check out the base!"
"No! No! Noooooo!" Grif continued.
"I don't know if he's even listening to us," Yang said.
"Nooo! Actually that time I was answering your question, nooooo!"
"Ugh, go up there and get him, Simmons," Sarge ordered.
"If he keeps screaming like that, he's gonna pass out and fall off the cliff," Donut remarked.
"Cancel that order Simmons!" Sarge quickly said.
"As relieving as that would be, I don't know how much longer I can take this before he drops,"
Weiss frowned. Of course, Grif's cries kept going, seeming to have no end. "Could I please have the honor of taking him off that cliff?"
Sarge sighed again as his own temper was rising. "Donut, get the lady a sniper rifle," He commanded.
"Yes sir," Donut nodded before heading out into the canyon towards the abandoned red base.
The group of Tucker, Tex, Ruby, Caboose and Blake stood just outside the facility in one group, killing time with conversation now that the crisis had passed, and they believed it okay to leave Andy unattended inside with nothing to stimulate him.
"And then he says, did I read it? I already ruined it," Tucker finished his story.
Blake and Tex were left feeling repulsed. "That's disgusting," Tex remarked.
"I don't get it," Caboose said.
"Me either," Ruby added.
"Good," Blake shuddered, taking a wide step away from Tucker and towards her teammate and Caboose.
That's when the transparent form of Church suddenly appeared in the middle of the group. "What… the fuck… was that?"
"Hey Church!" Caboose greeted cheerfully.
"Hey," Tucker and Tex greeted with little enthusiasm.
"Ah, Church! What happened to your body?!" Ruby exclaimed.
"Well, at least somebody asked," Church said, glaring at his teammates.
"What's going on?" Blake asked.
"Oh, right. See, Caboose blew me up with our own tank, then I became a ghost possessing a robot body. Did they not cover that on the shoreline drive?" Church replied.
"They did, but… well, we didn't actually believe them," Ruby replied.
"What, on a world full of crazy ass fairy tale stuff, you don't have ghosts?" Tucker questioned.
"Not in the typical sense, no," Blake shook her head.
"So, what happened?" Ruby asked.
Church answered, "Hell if I know. All I know is I was sitting there talking to Gary, and-"
"The bomb?" Tex cut him off.
"No, that's Andy. Gary's the computer," Church corrected.
"I don't even know your names half the time."
"I know my name!" Caboose said. "You can ask me if you forget."
"Hey, can we please focus on me?" Church said, trying to get everyone's attention back to the matter at hand.
"Oh, by the way, he's Church," Caboose continued.
"Caboose, we all know each other's names here," Ruby said, cutting him off but with a gentle tone, as if talking to a child.
"Anyway, I was talking to Gary about the Great Destroyer, who at the time, we thought was Tex," Church finally continued. "And that's when I turned around and saw-"
"Saw what? Saw O'Malley?" Caboose interrupted.
"What the? Caboose, get out of the story man, no it wasn't' O'Malley."
"What was it?" Caboose asked.
"Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you," Church said evenly, his patience visibly wearing thin by the moment.
"Hey, Caboose?" Ruby said, getting the blue private's attention.
"Yes?" Caboose said.
"Could you please, let Church finish before talking? Then maybe we could all help better?" Ruby asked.
"Oh. Oh, right. Of course, yes. Help. I like helping Church," Caboose replied.
"Yeah, that's why he's dead," Tucker replied sarcastically.
"Just tell us, what did you see?" Tex asked.
Church answered, "Um, it was a really big… thing."
"That's your story? You just saw a big 'thing'?"
"Was it the Grimm?" Ruby asked.
"I don't think so, but I also didn't get a clear look at it." Church replied. "All I know is that it was slimy, and it had lots of teeth."
"Kinky," Tucker remarked.
"Seriously dude, cut the shit. We got a situation on our hands," Church said impatiently.
"Well how did you fight it off?" Tex asked.
"'Fight it off'? You must have me confused with someone who's brave. I got the hell outta there."
"You're telling me you left your body behind?"
"I had to get outta there fast. That body was just dead weight," Church said.
"I know the feeling," Caboose said.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ruby questioned.
"Ha ha ha ha! Some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church! Ha ha!" Tucker bellowed.
"He didn't scare the crap out of Church, he scared the soul out of him," Blake smirked.
"Oh, it's Church, what's the difference. His soul is made outta crap. Stupid crap for soul," Tucker continued.
Ruby snorted. "Crap soul…"
"For all I know, he's in there chewing on my body right now," Church said.
"Well, then let's go get this 'big thing' of yours," Tex said, readying her rifle.
"Bow chicka bow wow!" Tucker remarked.
"Oh shut up!"
"Shut up, Tucker," Church sighed.
"Somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow chicka bow wow!" Tucker kept going
"Tucker, shut up!"
"I came here to lay some pipe. Bow chicka bow wow!"
Blake covered Ruby's ears. "Yang is so gonna kill me for this…"
"What's going on now?"
"I'll let Yang explain it later," Blake said, her disgusted frown from earlier returning.
"So I hear you got sisters - Bow chicka- who are twins!- bow wow!"
"Shut up!" Church exclaimed.
"Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow chicka bow wow!"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up…"
"Bow chicka chicka bow wow chicka chicka bow bow chicka chicka bow wow!"
"SHUT UP!"
"Nooooooooo-Woah!" Grif moved out of the way just before a sniper round zoomed by, then another, then another. Back on the ground, the trio of Weiss, Sarge and Simmons all had sniper rifles at the outcrop, and were taking turns taking potshots at the orange-armored soldier.
"That was so close!" Sarge said.
"Thank you sir!" Simmons replied. Weiss took three shots back-to-back-to-back, each of them narrowly missing. "I thought it was my turn next!"
"Simmons, if there's one thing you learn when you get to my age, it's that when a woman is venting her frustration on something other than you with live ammo, you let her keep taking it out on that thing and not you."
"Fair point," Simmons relented.
Weiss fired again and actually nailed part of Grif's armor. "OW!" He cried out.
"Hey, I got him that time," Weiss smirked devilishly.
"Heh heh. This is the best game since Grifball," Sarge chuckled.
"I'm not coming down!" Grif yelled down to them.
"Hey Grif, to make it more interesting, could you move back and forth like one of those carnival games?" Yang called up to him.
"Oh, c'mon, not you too, Yang!" Another round whizzed just by his head, and Grif ducked down. "Alright, fuck this! I'm coming down!" Grif started for the path down when both Sarge and Weiss shot him in the back. "Ow! I said I'm coming down!"
The Blues, Ruby and Blake stood just short of the ramp that led into this side of the facility, where all was quiet. "We haven't seen that thing come out yet, so it's gotta still be in there, right?" Ruby said.
"Or… eating Church!" Caboose suggested with a cheerful tone.
"That's not a disturbing thought at all…" Blake muttered.
"Alright, let's roll," Tex said. Ruby and Blake started forward for the ramp, then realized the Blues hadn't moved an inch.
"Why aren't you guys moving?" Ruby asked.
"Because they wanted us to do all the work for them this time?" Blake suggested.
"Hey, you guys are the badass huntresses or whatever," Church said. "You guys go first."
"I'm starting to realize more and more why this 'Red vs Blue' thing you guys have going on isn't over," Blake deadpanned.
"Blue vs Red' thing," Caboose corrected. "It's weird when you say it backwards."
"Alright fine," Tex said, walking forward with the two young girls. "You guys get behind me and stay tight."
"Bow chicka bow wow," Tucker muttered.
"Nevermind. Tucker's in front," Tex said through pursed lips.
"Eh, it was worth it." Tucker de-ignited his sword and attached the hilt to his waist before equipping his SMG and sneaking up the ramp inside, keeping the barrel aimed in front of him at all times. After he turned the first corner, the ghostly Church appeared behind him with a transparent Battle Rifle in hand.
"Hey, why don't you use that glowing thing?" Church suggested.
"No way! I'd rather have a gun," Tucker replied.
"But I've got a gun."
"What are you gonna do? Shoot him with ghost bullets?"
"Ok, yeah, that's a good point," Church relented.
"'Hey, I'm Casper the Friendly Bullet!'" Tucker said sarcastically.
"Do you guys see anything yet?" Ruby called from outside.
"Nope!" Tucker replied.
"Y'know, Andy was here when I got attacked, maybe he knows something," Church said before crossing the hall and looking through one of the openings that let Church overlook the ground floor. He then whispered out to the talking bomb. "Hey, Andy! Andy!"
"Hey! Look who's back, the dickhead!" He heard Andy reply from below.
"Hey, up yours," Church hissed.
"Back for another beatin'? It must be ass-kick o'clock," Andy chuckled.
"Where's that big alien thing?" Church asked.
"I don't know, last time I saw him, he was halfway up your ass!"
Tex and Blake suddenly joined them inside, taking Church's sides.
"Is this bomb giving you a hard time?" Blake asked.
"I see you brought a couple girls with ya. What are you gonna have, a cryin' contest?" Andy remarked.
Church looked down the hall towards the doorway where the terminal room was, and his limp body was laying just right there. "Hey look! There's my body right there."
While Tex and Blake looked in that direction as well, Tucker glanced the other way, down that hall towards the corner. At first, he saw nothing, then out of the corner of his eye he saw movement, and did a double take back. Hiding in the corner with some type of firearm in hand was a scaly, slimy alien creature with a split mouth and sharp teeth clad in sleek blue armor plates.
Tucker let out a high yelp. "Ah! There it is!" Everyone snapped around and quickly saw the same sight.
"Crap!" Tex exclaimed, and they all began to fire at it with their weapons. Blake caught the alien with a Dust round to the shoulder, but it bounced off the armor. It quickly took cover around the corner to prevent any further shots from connecting, though.
"Oh my god, I'm gonna die, what the fuck is that thing?!" Tucker cried and they all quickly either sprinted back outside down the ramp, or leapt out the windows to rejoin Ruby and Caboose outside. "Women and children last!"
"Did we win?" Caboose asked.
"Yes, that's why we ran," Blake sarcastically replied.
"Hey, come back in! I think you're tiring him out!" Andy howled in laughter from inside.
"What happened in there?" Ruby asked.
"That thing was waiting for us in the hallway," Tex answered.
"I tagged it's shoulder, but the Dust bounced off the armor," Blake said. "I will say, though, it definitely wasn't Grimm. Has to be something from this universe."
Church groaned and gazed back into the facility. "Agh, man, I just cannot fucking stand the idea of my body laid in there."
"Ha, you never looked better!" Andy remarked.
"Hey, shut up, Andy!" Church sighed and turned back around. "You know, we could've taken that alien out if I'd hit him just a few more times."
"With what? Your ghost bullets?" Ruby questioned. "Would those even do anything?"
"Even if they did, he didn't hit anything but the wall," Tex remarked.
"How the hell would you know? You were running straight backwards," Church said.
"This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively," Tex defended, gesturing to the battle rifle in her hands.
"Where were you planning on shooting them from? The fucking moon?" Tucker said. "If you'd backed up any further, you'd have to mail him the bullets."
"Seems even the 'trained badass freelancer' got scared," Blake smirked.
"I don't see you in there still fighting it, girly. You know what, I work better alone. All you ladies stay here, and I'll be back in two minutes with that thing's head on a platter!" Tex snarled before rushing back up the ramp.
"Is it smart to let her go alone like that?" Ruby asked.
"Eh, I learned the hard way to just let her do what she wants," Church said.
"Does it ever bother you that the most take charge guy on our team is a girl?" Tucker asked his leader.
"Hey!" Blake and Ruby frowned simultaneously.
"Not at all," Church replied. "As long as I get my body back, I don't care if I'm a hero."
"'Hero' isn't the word I'd use," Blake said. "Far from it."
"Blake, don't be so mean," Ruby said. She then glanced back up towards the entry Tex went through. "Do you think Tex can take that thing on her own?"
A loud sound of a connecting hit could be heard from inside, and suddenly Tex's own ghostly form appeared behind the group. "Oh, crap…" Tex groaned.
"Nope," Church answered.
"Okay, new idea: maybe Caboose should try talking to him," Tucker suggested.
"No!" Ruby exclaimed.
"Alright, then both of you go in," Tucker said. "Since both of you got to sit cozy out here before."
"Uh, what would we say?" Caboose asked.
Tucker suggested, "Start with some common ground, like how you both killed Church."
"Mmm… good times," Caboose said.
"Y'know, I actually like that idea," Church said.
"You do?" Tex raised an eyebrow.
"Well, think about it; A, Caboose goes in and distracts that thing while Ruby kills it. Or B, while the alien is eating our ambassadors, we can sneak in and get our bodies back."
"Again, real heroic you are, Church," Blake said sarcastically.
"Or, even better plan," Ruby cut in, "We can actually try to talk to this thing, and if it gets mean, I can use my speed to get Caboose and I out!"
"Hey, a distraction's a distraction, we'll take what we can get," Church said. "You two go in through the main gate so Tex and I can get our bodies back."
Ruby nodded, and both she and Caboose entered through the main gate while Tex and Church moved up the ramp once again, peering at Tex's body barely a few meters down the hall.
"Oh hey, look, there's your body," Church noted, before starting to snicker a little bit. "You really didn't make it far, did you?"
"Y'know, I wonder, i-if I killed a ghost, would it come back as the ghost of a ghost?" She rhetorically, and threateningly asked.
"Yeah, that's a good point, I'll… I'll shut up now."
Meanwhile, Ruby and Caboose re-entered the main room, and placed halfway up a ramp to the second floor was Andy, who was also remarkably quiet. "Hey, Andy, what's up?" Ruby greeted.
"Andy, have you seen a uh… it's a big slimy, like alien looking thing?" Caboose asked. "It's shaped just kinda like that shadow that's on the ground next to you."
"Huh?" Ruby looked down, and sure enough. Towering over their own shadows was that of another figure behind them. Ruby narrowed her eyes and rested her hand on the folded-up Crescent Rose on the back of her waist.
The group huddled behind a massive boulder jutting from the dirt just outside the immediate perimeter of the abandoned red base, with Sarge up front peering around the corner. "Alright men, and women, stay outta sight. We have to be prepared for anything."
"Why are we hiding from what's supposed to be your base?" Yang asked.
"Because we have no idea what's inside!" Sarge answered.
"Anything could've occupied the base after we jumped to the future," Simmons said.
"That distress signal had to come from something, right?" Weiss added.
Yang nodded, looking around the canyon curiously. As she did so, her eyes spotted a dark silhouette standing on one of the cliffs overlooking the canyon. She stopped her scanning gaze and narrowed her eyes, trying to make out the figure.
"We've got to keep our eyes open for any sign of enemy activity," Sarge said. As Sarge was speaking to the others with his back to the base, a tank drove right by the red base, catching the attention of everyone except Yang, who followed it's movement past and back out of sight. "I can't have you not paying attention. We have to be alert! Constant vigilance, composed, attentive!" Everyone else's vision snapped back to Sarge at his louder exclamation. "See? That's much better." Yang quickly glanced back at the cliff edge to try and spot the silhouette, but the figure was gone, no sign it had been there to begin with. She hadn't gotten a good enough look at it to tell if it was the Hound, or something else.
"Did… did everyone else see that?" Weiss said.
"See what? My excellent leading skills?" Sarge said.
"No, a tank just drove by right behind you!" Simmons said. Sarge turned around now, to see nothing but open ground between them and Red Base, then spun back around to face hsi lieutenant.
"Simmons, there's nothing there."
"I'm serious, it was here! It drove by while you were talking! You had your back turned and it went zoom right behind you!" Simmons insisted.
"Well, it really sounded like-" Donut said before making tread noises with his mouth, attempting to imitate his perception of the tank's sounds.
"I'd hardly call that an important detail, Donut!" Weiss frowned. "We're serious, the tank was right there!"
"Sure, Weiss, I believe you and Simmons. You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously and then just as quickly disappeared. And you're the only ones that can see it," Sarge said in a tone that conveyed he was clearly not convinced. "Just like signs of Donut's heterosexuality."
"Donut saw the tank too!" Simmons cried.
"Yeah!" Donut agreed.
"Donut's impressionable. He'd agree with anything you said," Sarge countered.
"Yeah!" Donut agreed again, only proving Sarge's point.
"Aw hell, he'd eat a spoonful of dirt if you told him it tasted like chocolate."
"That's not true!" Donut gasped.
"So that's where you draw the line?" Sarge chuckled.
"No, I mean it's not true that dirt tastes like chocolate, right? Seriously, right?"
Weiss facepalmed. "I'm trapped on another world with brainless dolts…"
"Grif and Yang saw it too! We all saw it!" Simmons said.
"I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't see a damn thing," Grif denied.
"What?!"
"Tank, you say? I have no idea what you're talking about. I was too busy paying attention to our sergeant while he gave us our orders." He was clearly faking it, much to the chagrin of Simmons.
"Grif, you just told us all two minutes ago that you saw it!"
"Yeah, I know. But it's a lot more fun this way," Grif smirked.
Weiss turned to her teammate. "Yang, help us out here!"
"Uhh…" Yang said.
"Yang!" Weiss frowned.
"Sorry, I was distracted. If there was a tank, I didn't see it," Yang said. Weiss threw her arms up in frustration and groaned loudly.
"We're not crazy! There was a fucking tank!" Simmons exclaimed.
"We've scoured the entire region on our end. We can't find any sign of the bullhead."
Ironwood sighed and rubbed his eyes, sitting back in his seat. "We haven't found anything on our end either. As much as I don't want to admit it, I think we have to fear the worst. Either the ship was destroyed with its cargo, or the Dust did exactly what it was made to do. If that's the case, then we have no way of finding the ship. I'm sorry, Winter…"
Winter Schnee's face frowned on the screen in front of Ironwood. "General, please, let me search every stretch of land and sea from here to Vale."
"You would be burning resources we don't have," Ironwood replied, looking back up to the screen. "Between the Vale repairs, securing Atlas, and the relegation of materials and men to establish the watch posts in the other three kingdoms as we plan to do, we don't have the means available to us to conduct a continent-wide manhunt. Not yet, at least."
"It doesn't have to be a large force, sir," Winter said. "I could take a small squad and a single bullhead to scan through all of Sanus if I have to."
"Your loyalty and dedication to your family is admirable, Schnee. But-"
"Even if my sister wasn't on that ship, that cargo is highly valuable. If I could just-"
"Enough, Specialist Schnee," Ironwood said.
"But sir-!"
"I said enough, Shcnee!" The general bellowed, silencing Winter immediately. She quickly stood straight at attention and looked downwards, holding her hands in front of her.
"Yes sir…"
Ironwood sighed again. "I'm sorry, I… we're all stressed and concerned about this. For now, recall your troops to Argus and await further orders. If I can muster further resources to conduct a wider search, I will direct them to you under the supervision of Specialist Castle, and the two of you could scour Sanus together. Until then, stay put."
"Yes, General," Winter solemnly nodded.
"Dismissed." The screen shut down and Ironwood rested his head back in his seat.
The group gathered together in front of Sarge, aside from Weiss and Simmons, who were both relegated farther away from them, as Sarge began to address Grif, Donut and Yang.
"Alright men. Donut. Since Simmons has been demoted and Weiss outcasted for reasons of dementia-" Sarge started.
"The tank was real!" Weiss and Simmons exclaimed simultaneously.
"-and they've been ordered by the judge to stay at least two-hundred yards away from us-"
"Oh come on, that wasn't a real judge!" Simmons exclaimed. "That was Donut wearing a powdered wig!"
"- we're now holding auditions for the permanent position of second-in-command here at Blood Gulch outpost number one."
"WHAT?!" Simmons cried.
"And since Simmons is disqualified because of aforementioned cuckoo-ness, and Yang showed no interest in the position, and since Grif is ineligible-"
"Or because I don't want to compete, like Yang?" Grif cut in.
"Because you're ineligible!" Sarge said.
"No, I just don't want to compete," Grif corrected.
"Of course you don't. Because you're ineligible!"
Grif sighed. "Whatever."
"I guess that means I get the job because I'm unopposed," Donut said. "Which is the same way I got 'most likely to be fabulous' in high school."
"Actually, Donut, I managed to find some other candidates for you to compete against," Sarge said.
"Huh?" Donut looked on the ground next to him to see a wrench leaned against a skull.
"We've located an old wrench used by Lopez and this skull of unknown origin. Some dirt and a rock entered the preliminaries, but they didn't make it to the semifinals. Lazy bastards."
"Yes! You guys are goin down! In your face, wrench! In your face… take that, bonehead," Donut smack talked his inanimate competition.
"You'll be competing against each other in a series of grueling events concocted by Yang and myself in order to gain my attention."
"Wait, Yang, you helped organize this nonsense?!" Weiss exclaimed.
"Well, yeah," Yang shrugged. "Clearly the distress signal was a bust, so it was something fun to do until we meet back up with Ruby and Blake."
"Oh man, I can't believe this!" Simmons whined. "My life was going exactly as planned. I was second-in-command of a marginally successful unit, I had a superior officer who genuinely cared about me, I had the respect and admiration of all my peers."
"Almost every single thing you just said was wrong," Weiss deadpanned.
"That was the dream! How did it all go so wrong?! HOW?! Hoooow?!"
"Well, the tank was real. We both saw it. At the very least, you're not crazy," Weiss said.
"Unless we're both crazy!" Simmons replied.
"I'm not crazy," Weiss frowned.
"Doesn't matter. That tank has to be a figment of our imaginations at this point," Simmons replied.
"I don't think so," A digital female voice said as the tank suddenly appeared behind them, startling Weiss.
"Oh, shut up, you ruined my life!" Simmons snapped at the vehicle.
"I think I will call him… Crunchbite," Caboose said.
"Not a bad name," Ruby said with a smile.
"Eh, that's a stupid name," Andy said.
"Why do you have to be such a jerk?" Ruby asked the bomb.
"It's part of my charm," Andy replied.
The others came around the corner, led by Church and Tex back in their bodies. "Ruby, who are you talking to-" Tucker started to say, then as they all rounded the corner, they saw the Alien standing in front of Ruby and Caboose. "Holy shit!" Everyone quickly drew their firearms and aimed right at the alien.
"Raargh!" It roared at them.
"Wait, don't shoot him!" Ruby quickly exclaimed.
"Stop! He is our friend!" Caboose added. "He is not going to eat anybody."
"Yeah, he thinks you guys stink too much to eat!" Andy added.
"Blargh," The alien seemed to agree.
"He thinks we stink?" Blake said, pinching her nose, her enhanced faunus senses not doing her any favors at the moment. "It smells like someone set a fish on fire in here."
"Blargh?!" The alien responded in an offended tone.
"Caboose,Ruby, what the fuck? Are you sure about this thing?" Church asked.
"Absolutely! He hasn't tried to bite us at all," Ruby said confidently.
"Blonk," The alien said.
"At least since he bit me the first time," Caboose corrected. "I think I might need a tetanus shot."
The alien started to speak again, and Tucker wafted the smell away with his hand. "Woah, that thing's breath smells like infected cheese on a hot plate," He gagged.
"Raargh! Raargh!" The alien shouted angrily.
"I don't think he liked that," Andy chuckled.
The alien kept letting out it's verbal 'blargs' and honks in an attempt to communicate with them. "Do you understand what he's saying?" Tex asked Church.
"Wait wait wait. I think I'm hearing a pattern here," Church said. "I think that blarghs come after honks. Or vice versa."
"I think- I think 'blargh' means… me… or… apples," Caboose said. "Guys! Apples must be the name of hsi cat! Quick, quick, is-is Apples stuck in a tree?"
"Aargh," The alien growled.
"I will call the fire department."
"I don't think that's it, Caboose," Ruby giggled while covering her mouth. Despite the grand and grim situation she and her team were left in, Ruby found herself always smiling and laughing around Caboose. The childish and innocent appearance he seemed to have hadn't yet failed to take her mind off of things and put a smile on her face. He may not have been the smartest, but he didn't need to be.
Church approached the alien. "Mister huge alien. Do you understand what we are saying?"
"War-ar-argh!" The alien howled.
"I have no idea if that means yes or no."
"Honk."
"Totally blows away your visa-versa theory. Sorry," Caboose said.
"You two are retarded," Tucker remarked. "You're not gonna be able to figure out alien language by experimentation. Give it up."
"You don't know that," Church replied.
"It is very unlikely you'll learn how to communicate with him like this," Blake agreed with Tucker.
"You don't even know how they talk," Tucker continued. "What if their language isn't entirely verbal? It could be part telepathic, or via smells. Ugh."
"If it's via smells, then you should be fluent in the language already," Church said. "Jackass."
"Wait! I think Tucker might be right. I think he might be saying things telepathically," Caboose said.
"Wait, really?" Ruby asked.
"Yes! I just heard something in my head! It was a voice… saying… blargh blargh blargh honk."
"Honk!"
"That wasn't in your head, Caboose. He just said that," Church said. "You're just so dumb, you're lagged a few seconds behind us. By the time your brain figures out what you heard it feels like it already happened."
Caboose stood there silently for a few long, stretched out moments, before finally responding, "That's not true. Wait! I hear something else in my head! It must be Apples trying to communicate with me! Quick, Ruby! Get a ladder!"
Ruby giggled again. "I still don't think it's that, Caboose."