I'm about to give up on this fucking site. It's taken me all day to get this posted because it's not saving anything. I've been having this problem for a while, but today was the worst it's been. Between that and not getting notifications, I've had enough of this non-functioning site. I'll let you know if I find a new site to use or just give up all together.

While it was mid-afternoon in New York, it is late in Russia and Linka fears that her grandmother will be sleeping. As she approaches her childhood home, she sees that there are still lights on, indicating that someone is still up.

She knocks gently on the door, so as not to startle anyone inside, but still loud enough for them to hear. Mishka is the one to answer the door and his surprise at seeing her is evident on her face.

"Linka!" His happiness is quickly replaced by concern as he notices she can barely manage a smile. He immediately starts his interrogation in Russian. It takes her a second to process it and transition back into her native tongue. "Is everything ok? Is Wheeler with you? Did something happen to him?"

"No, he is not here…and he is fine…or at least he will be."

Before Mishka can ask what she means by that, their grandmother calls out from the living room.

"Who is there, Mishka?"

"Come on. Grandmother will be so happy to see you," Mishka says as he ushers Linka inside.

"Hello Grandma," Linka says as she moves towards the old woman to give her a hug.

"Darling! What a wonderful surprise. What brings you here? Not that I am complaining. I know your schedule is hectic so visits can not be planned in advance. I will take whatever time with you that I can get, whether it is a few hours or a few days…I hope it is longer than a few hours though."

"It is…I do not now how long. I have not really thought that far ahead. I just needed to see you."

"Is something wrong?" Grandma asks.

"I asked her the same thing. What is going on Linka? Not that we are not happy to see you, but if something is troubling you…" Mishka interjects.

Linka sighs. She came here because she wanted to be with her family and talk to them about what was going on, but now she's not sure she can tell them everything. She needed time to think about what exactly she was ready for them to know.

"It is late. You are getting ready for bed. We can talk tomorrow," Linka tells them.

"The perks of being old is that I have nowhere to be tomorrow morning. I can sleep in as late as I'd like, which means I can stay up as long as necessary."

"And it is Friday night, so I am off tomorrow. Where were you before coming here?"

"New York."

"Ah, so you are not even close to being tired. It is still daytime there," Mishka states.

"Travel can make one tired," Grandma rationalizes. "If you would prefer to sleep now and we can catch up tomorrow, your bedroom is ready for you, as always."

Grateful for the opportunity to compose her thoughts before telling her family what has been going on in her life, she agrees.

"Yes, that would be fine. I will tell you everything tomorrow."

"You never answered us about if you are ok?" Mishka points out.

Linka pauses, unsure how to answer. She is not ok. She doesn't know if she ever will be, but she does not want to worry her family.

"I am fine. Just missed you both and wanted to see you."

"What about Wheeler? Is everything ok with him? You were in New York, I take it you were with him?"

"Yes. He is with his grandparents. His grandmother has Alzheimer's. Wheeler has been visiting more frequently to help his grandfather. I was joining him, but I think sometimes it is best that it is just him and his family. His grandmother can get easily confused at times and since I am unfamiliar to her, it causes her to think I am someone else when she is having a bad day. I figured it would be a good time to visit my family," she says, fabricating the story just a bit.

"How nice of you to tear yourself away from your precious Yankee for us," Mishka teases her.

"He is not my Yankee. We have never been a couple, and we never will be. We are too different. We want different things."

"Opposites attract, remember?" Mishka says.

"Clichés do not always apply to real life, Mishka. Real life is more complicated."

Mishka's phone dings and he checks his message.

"Well little sister, if you are up for it, I just got an invite to go out. Would you like to join me? Alexei is newly single…"

"Are you suggesting I become your best friend's rebound girl?"

"No, of course not. Alexei has always had a thing for you, since we were kids. He will be happy to hear you are home…and that you came alone."

"I am not interested in Alexei or any of your other friends."

"Oh…Oksana? Irena? I have seen them kiss after a few vodkas…"

"Oh my God, will you just shut up?! I am not getting involved with anyone. I am a Planeteer. I do not have time for starting or maintaining a relationship. My only friends are the ones that I work with because they are the only ones that I have time for. Plus, you KNOW what is wrong with me."

His teasing quickly comes to an end when he remembers that his sister is not like most. While she looks fine physically, Linka has been left damaged by an unseen ailment and he often forgets that.

"Mishka, perhaps you should go. You do not want to keep Alexei waiting," Grandma suggests.

"Right. See you in the morning," he says as he kisses them both on the cheek, whispering an apology to his sister as he does so. "Sorry Linka."

She just smiles weakly and nods her forgiveness.

Once Mishka is gone, Grandma turns her attention to Linka.

"Now that it is just us girls, do you want to talk?

"Really Grandma…you do not have to stay up. I am fine. We can talk tomorrow."

"I am worried about you. This is not like you to show up out of the blue. I know there is more to it. I will not sleep well until you tell me what you came here to tell me."

"You are as perceptive as you are persistent."

"Make us some tea and we will talk."

Linka returns a few moments later with two cups of tea.

As if on cue, Linka's phone begins to ring. She doesn't even have to look at the caller ID to know that it is Wheeler. She glances at the display anyway and confirms it.

"Do you need to get that?"

"No," Linka says as she sends the call to voicemail. A few moments later, a text comes through.

Babe, call me. Please. I love you. We need to talk. I'm not mad. I just want you to come back to me.

She puts her phone on silent.

They sip wordlessly for a bit before Grandma starts with the questions again.

"So did something happen between you and Wheeler?"

Linka wonders if it was that obvious…if what she and Wheeler had done just a few hours earlier was written all over her face. Linka opens her mouth to admit that something did indeed happen, but her grandmother continues,

"Did you tell him that you were unable to have children and he pulled away?"

"No…it was not like that at all. He has known for some time now, and he has been with me every step of the way. He has helped me research options, some dead ends, some promising."

"Oh?! Have you looked into that?"

"Yes…there was a clinic in New York that took on my case for free as part of a research study. The doctor found two eggs that were viable."

"Wonderful! So, what happens now? Save them until you are ready? I know you love what you do, but you cannot let it interfere with your future."

"It will not."

"But you have not answered me…what happened with them? Did they freeze them?"

"No…the doctor did not want to risk losing the viability. The eggs were fertilized and then, a procedure was done to implant them."

"Oh my God, Linka! This is all happening so quickly! So, you are here to tell us that you are pregnant? I am going to be a great grandma?"

Linka closes her eyes and shakes her head sadly.

"No…you are not…unless Mishka ever settles down…or gets one of his bar girls pregnant," she says indignantly.

"But you said…"

"It did not work. The embryos, they did not take. That was my last chance. I am done looking for other options. I need to finally accept my fate."

"I am so sorry, dear. I know this must be very hard for you…and Wheeler?"

"Yes…it was disappointing."

"How is Wheeler handling it?"

Linka pauses as she tries to think of how to word it.

"He was disappointed as well…but he will be fine. Eventually. It does not really affect him like it does me."

"I think it does. Your future and his future are one and the same…at least that is the impression I got from him…and you."

"Maybe…if it had worked."

"I take it he was…involved in your last procedure?"

"Yes. He was the donor."

"Wow. That is quite a gesture."

"Yes. I could have gone with an anonymous donor, but I wanted it to be someone I knew…and I know him so well. He just seemed like the perfect choice…even if it could have made things awkward."

"Forgive me darling, but do you really think that was fair?"

"He wanted to be a part of it."

"Of course he did. He is in love with you. He would have done anything you asked. It was his way of guaranteeing that he would forever be a part of your life since you have been keeping him at arm's length for so long."

"And we would have been a family!" Linka says a little too loudly before lowering her voice to almost a whisper. "If it would have worked."

"And now that it has not? Where does that leave Jason?"

When Linka doesn't answer and only looks down at her hands, her Grandma continues,

"Alone in New York? Wondering where he fits in now?"

"I have to continue working with him. Things cannot change."

"Linka! Things HAVE changed! You asked this young man to be the father of your child! You cannot go back from that and pretend it never happened. For such a smart girl, you are being extremely stupid."

"You do not understand, Grandma! I cannot do this to him; hurt him by being with him…denying him a child."

"So instead, you hurt him by denying him happiness? By denying him the one thing he wants…YOU."

"He will get over it," Linka says quietly.

"Will you?"

"No," the young Russian admits, lowering her head.

"Then why do you think he will?!"

"Because I am choosing to be alone. He is attractive, charismatic, and charming. He is always giving attention to other women and getting it from them. There will be plenty of other options for him. I just need to give him space…time away from me so that he realizes that I am not the only one out there for him."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"I have to make him hate me."

"You know as well as I do that will not be possible. Anyone can see he is crazy about you."

"He was…he will not be for much longer. I have pushed him away one too many times…this most recent one though is the worst thing I could have ever done to him. He is going to hate me…and I have to let him."

"What could you have possibly done?" Grandma asks.

"I gave into him…gave into what we had both been fighting for so long…then I left."

"Gave into…? As in…"

"Yes," Linka says, cutting her grandmother off because she did not want to hear her say the actual words. "We are adults. It is not…"

"I am not judging you, Linka. Not for sleeping with him anyway…for doing what you are doing to him emotionally though…I thought I raised you better."

Linka gives a humorless laugh.

"So you are OK with me having sex before marriage, but protecting Wheeler is what you have a problem with?"

"Yes actually. You are right, you are an adult and you have not lived under my roof for quite some time. I do think that I have raised you to be responsible though, so I knew that when the time came for you to be with someone, it would be with someone you love…someone you could see yourself with long term and not just for a moment. Now, not only have you disappointed me by sleeping with someone once and leaving them, knowing that the person you have done that to is unnecessarily hurting right now, deeply upsets me. And hearing you say that you are protecting him is seriously making me question your maturity. Do you honestly think that is the case? You have the power to pick up that phone and tell him you are sorry. You can make this all better. I know he will understand because he knows you and he knows that you are scared and confused by all the emotions you are experiencing. He is such a fine young man, I bet he will even agree to give you the time and space that you need until you realize how happy the two of you can be together, regardless of whether or not you can have children."

"I know he will…and I have said it a million times before; that will be enough for him…at first. He says he is ok with it. He knows there are other options for having a family. But what about his own feelings about fatherhood? Eventually he will wish he had a child where he could look at them and see himself."

"And there are ways for that to happen. Donor eggs. Surrogates. I am not as current on science and technology as you are, but I know there are ways for couples to have children."

"I know that. I have thought about it and…I cannot do it. I cannot watch another woman grow his child inside of her. I cannot see the joy and happiness on his face as he looks at another woman. I know it is selfish and petty of me. I wish I was not like this, but I am, and I do not know why. It would damage our relationship, possibly permanently. And it worries me, knowing these feelings that I have of extreme jealousy…would I resent that child? Would I be able to love a child that is in no way a part of me but is his? Would I be jealous of that child for having that connection to him? Would I be jealous of him for having a connection with our child that I can never have?"

"Linka…"

"I know! You do not need to say anything to tell me how irrational I am being. I know I am. I do not know why I came here. I should not have. I was looking for answers."

"You would love that child as if it were your own the second you held them. Once they look up at you and you look them in the eyes, nothing else matters. These revelations about your feelings are all very shocking…perhaps I am not the best person to discuss them with."

"I do not have anyone else."

"Have you thought about speaking to a professional?"

"I am not crazy! I do not need a therapist."

"I am not saying you are crazy…I am just suggesting that an impartial third party who does not know you, Jason, or the history between you two would be more objective."

"I will think about it. I am more tired than I thought. I am going to bed." Linka gets up and kisses her grandmother on the cheek. "I love you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, dear. I love you too."

To Be Continued...