(Originally posted on January 29, 2023 on AO3)
"Okay, so here's the plan," Aang instructed. "We'll head into town from here. You and your uncle should probably wear your Kyoshi robes since your Fire Nation ones are... a bit obvious. We can't count on these people being as oblivious as the villagers on Kyoshi were."
"Are you kidding me? It's freezing, we can't wear those! Plus they're so... blue." Zuko complained with a shudder, already doubtful of the Avatar's plan. "Why can't you just go by yourself and buy clothes for us?"
He and Aang were currently huddled behind one of the buildings on the outskirts of a quaint Earth Kingdom town in the Taihua Mountains to the northwest of Ba Sing Se, while Iroh had stayed back at their campsite to keep watch over their belongings with Appa and Momo. Aang had insisted that the two of them scope out the town and make a plan before entering. Recently, the airbender had been much more cautious about being recognized.
Zuko longed to spend the night in a warm inn instead of the cold, wet cave that they had set up camp in the previous night. Due to the high elevation, the air was quite brisk, possibly even more so than at the Southern Air Temple, and it had even started to snow a bit. Strangely, as usual, Aang appeared unbothered by the cold despite his lack of warm clothing. Is that an Avatar thing, or an airbender thing?
"How am I supposed to know what sizes you wear? Besides, it won't be for long! We just need to go into that shop, buy some nice warm Earth Kingdom robes, then we're home free."
"Well, what are you going to wear, then? Your tattoos alone will definitely make you stand out."
Aang waved his hand nonchalantly. "I've got that covered." He turned around for a moment, pulled the back of his shirt over his head, then turned back around. "Ta-da!"
Zuko stared at him with a deadpan expression. The Avatar's shirt was not made to be used as a hood, and thus now looked extremely awkward on his body.
"What? I know it's not perfect, but it won't be for long. I'll find a hat once we get to the shop."
Zuko sighed and shook his head. It was going to be another long day.
A few hours later, the boys returned to town, this time with Iroh. Aang had managed to find an old barn near the outskirts of town for Appa to sleep in for the night, as the trio had planned to stay in an inn once they had purchased new clothes. Much to Zuko's chagrin, he and his uncle were currently dressed in their bright blue much-too-lightweight Kyoshi robes, and Aang had pulled the back of his shirt over his head once again. Momo was currently cuddled up inside his shirt, his tiny head occasionally poking through his collar below the Avatar's chin.
Somehow, Zuko felt that it would have been less conspicuous if they had simply walked into town in their normal clothes without going to all of this trouble. He groaned, placing his thumb and forefinger on his brow.
He decided to enter town first, cautiously and quickly making a beeline for the shop he and Aang had scoped out earlier, trying not to think about about how goofy he must look. Once inside, he nodded at the shopkeeper's greeting and looked around, snatching up a bamboo hat, brown long-sleeved shirt and pants, and a long and heavy-looking plain green outer robe that vaguely looked to be his size. He needed to layer up if he didn't want to freeze to death tonight.
Luckily, everything fit well enough. When he exited the changing room, he saw that Aang and Iroh had arrived. Aang was currently engaged in a friendly chat with the shopkeeper. Thankfully, he had also found himself a bamboo hat and was no longer using his shirt as a hood. Meanwhile, Iroh seemed to be taking his time perusing the various styles of robes the shop offered.
Once everyone had finished shopping and changing, they each paid separately and exited the shop building. Thankfully, the shopkeeper didn't seem to find any of them suspicious, and was happy to receive their money.
"Nice choice, Iroh!" Aang said. Iroh had picked out an fancy-looking set of heavy brown and green robes, and he had taken his hair down from his usual topknot and instead fashioned it into a long braid at the nape of his neck that ran down his back. Now, he just looked like a moderately well-off old Earth Kindom man.
"Thank you, Aang. I saw no reason why I couldn't stay fashionable and warm," Iroh replied with a proud smile, and Zuko rolled his eyes.
Aang turned to Zuko with a grin. "You too, hotman. I see you went for a more basic look, but it suits you."
"You're one to talk. You didn't even change your clothes." Zuko grumbled, folding his arms in annoyance. "So what now? It's already dark." The sun had set rather early, most likely due to how far north they now were and how close the end of autumn was.
"Well, we each still have a pretty good amount of money left thanks to the generosity of Chief Oyaji. And look!" Aang's face lit up as he pointed towards the town square, where multiple sets of tents appeared to be set up, each lit by colorful lanterns. It looked to be some sort of festival. "I was hoping this was still a thing! I used to come to the Taihua festival with Gyatso on our way to visit the Northern Air Temple at the end of the year."
As the trio approached the festival area, Zuko began to feel nostalgic as he took in his environment. Several people were out and about, bundled up in warm robes, some drinking hot tea as they perused. Children were laughing and playing in the snow, some wearing theater masks. Each vendor was peddling something different; some were selling delicious-smelling street food, while others were selling clothing, toys, and other trinkets. Someone was putting on a puppet show for a group of children with badger-mole and hog-monkey puppets, and there was even a stage where a theater troupe appeared to be preparing for a performance.
The entire scene around them reminded Zuko of attending Fire Nation festivals with his mother as a child, and it made his heart ache.
Aang was clearly giddy with joy at seeing all of this, as was Iroh. Before Zuko could say a word, they both quickly made their way to separate tents-Iroh to one that was selling bags of tea leaves, and Aang to one that was selling toys. Zuko sighed and shook his head. Sometimes it felt like he was the only adult-minded person between the three of them.
Well, I might as well have a look around while we're here, he thought to himself. Aang was right about the fact that they still had quite a bit of money left.
He decided to check out the closest tent first, which was selling theater costumes and masks. He smiled slightly as he perused the contents of the tent, which reminded him of his childhood summers watching the Ember Island Players absolutely butcher Love amongst the Dragons.
As if the universe seemed to know exactly what he was thinking, his eyes landed upon a familiar blue and white mask. While not an exact match, it looked strikingly similar to the mask worn by the Dark Water Spirit character in Love amongst the Dragons. He remembered how he and his sister would reenact the play as children for their mother. Azula had always played the role of the Dragon Emperor, while he had been stuck playing the role of the Dark Water Spirit. She never let him play as the Dragon Emperor no matter how much he tried to beg, fight, or bargain.
Despite never getting to play the role he wanted, he always looked back on those memories fondly. It was one of the few times he and his sister had actually had some semblance of fun together. And it had always made their mother laugh.
He picked up the mask and took it to the shop owner. Thankfully, it was fairly inexpensive, so he decided to purchase it.
On his way out of the tent, he shoved the mask into his robes, suddenly feeling embarrassed. If Iroh or Aang found out that he had bought a theater costume mask, he feared he'd never hear the end of it from either of them.
He looked around the square, which had gotten quite a bit busier in the short time he had spent in the costume tent. Due to this, he could no longer tell where his uncle or Aang were, and they were not in the tents he had last seen them in. Just great. He decided his best option was to check every tent and hope that either Aang or his uncle was in one of them.
Eventually, he came across a vendor that was selling weapons. He marveled at the craftsmanship of the various swords, spears, and daggers. However, he soon spotted something that truly caught his eye: a pair of broadswords.
When Zuko was a child, his father had once told him that he had believed his son was a nonbender when he was born, as he reportedly "didn't have the spark in his eyes." Ozai had nearly cast him out of the palace as an infant because of this, but decided to give him a chance after Zuko's mother and the Fire Sages had begged him to. Even after he did finally start firebending, for some reason, he had struggled with it quite a bit more than a member of the Fire Nation royal family was probably supposed to. Meanwhile, his sister was practically a firebending prodigy, and she made sure everyone knew it.
"She was born lucky," his father had said. "You were lucky to be born." Zuko had never forgotten those words.
Because of his firebending struggles, his mother had encouraged him to pick a weapons master to train under in his free time, and he had ended up choosing broadsword Master Hei-su from the island of Sei'naka. Under her tutelage, he quickly excelled at learning to use the weapons. His mother had been very encouraging and proud, but when his father had found out that he had been dedicating more time to weapons training instead of doubling down on his firebending lessons, he had been extremely angry. He hadn't been allowed to continue his lessons with Master Hei-su after this.
However, while he had never gotten to master level, he had learned enough to where he would consider himself quite proficient with broadswords. Back on his ship, he used to keep a pair displayed on the wall in his cabin, and would practice in his free time. He remembered cursing himself for not grabbing them the night they fled from Zhao's compound.
He walked over to where the broadswords were displayed, noticing his reflection on the curved blades. The design was slightly different, definitely more Earth Kingdom in style, but they were still extremely similar to the ones he had trained with back home. He looked at the price tag, winced, then fished in his pockets to determine if he had enough money to purchase the swords without completely going broke. Thankfully, he did. Just barely. He decided to ignore the voice in his head that told him he really needed to save that money for essentials only.
"Ah, excellent choice, young man. One of my finest creations, if I do say so myself," the shop owner, a burly middle-aged man sporting an Earth Kingdom-style topknot said proudly as Zuko placed the swords on his table. When he looked up at the Fire Prince, however, his eyebrows rose slightly at the sight of his scar. Zuko cleared his throat and looked off to the side.
"Apologies. I don't mean to stare. Damn the Fire Nation," the shop owner cursed, and rolled up his sleeve to reveal several burn marks of his own on his forearm. "I got this lovely souvenir from a Fire Nation soldier myself a few months back. Bastards were trying to threaten a poor farming family in my village who already had barely anything into giving up food rations for their unit that had been stationed nearby. Me and some of the other villagers managed to chase them out of town, but not before I got burned."
Zuko's eyes widened in shock upon hearing the shop owner's story.
"I'm sorry," the shop owner said, noticing his distress. "I don't want to resurface painful memories for you. I know you've been hurt by the Fire Nation, too."
Zuko looked down and tried his best to suppress the painful, traumatic memory of his father's flames engulfing his face that was threatening to surface. "Yeah," he replied shakily, staring at the broadswords on the table. "You could say that."
The shop owner looked at Zuko with sympathy, then down to the broadswords, a look of contemplation on his face. "I assume you plan to use these swords to protect yourself, and those whom you love?"
Zuko nodded.
The shop owner was silent for another moment. "Take them."
"What?" Zuko said, wondering if he heard correctly.
"I said, take them. Put them to good use against the Fire Nation. Kids your age should learn to defend themselves."
Zuko couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But-"
"I insist, " the shop owner interrupted. "Here, I'll wrap them for you."
He could see there was no changing the man's mind, so he allowed him to sheath the swords into their scabbard and wrap them up in a cloth.
Zuko bowed to the shop owner and turned to leave, then stopped. "Thank you," he said without turning around, and continued on his way.
When he finally found Aang and Iroh, the two appeared to be chatting at a stall that was selling skewers of some sort. Iroh was holding a skewer that was stuffed with different kinds of meat and vegetables, whereas Aang seemed to be munching on a skewer containing only vegetables.
"Finally! I've been looking everywhere for both of you!" Zuko said in exasperation.
"Nephew! You simply must try these, it's been so long since I've had roast duck," Iroh said with a wide grin, taking another large bite while Aang cringed slightly. Zuko kept forgetting he was a staunch vegetarian.
"Did you buy something?" Aang asked, pointing to cloth-wrapped broadswords Zuko was holding in his right hand.
"Oh, uh... yeah. An umbrella," Zuko lied, though he noticed Iroh raise an eyebrow.
"Hm. Well you won't get much use out of it right now," Aang replied, mouth full. Momo's head popped out from his collar with a chatter, and the Avatar pulled a vegetable off his skewer to feed to the lemur. "Though I guess it would be good to have. We could have used one during that storm near Ba Sing Se a couple weeks ago."
"Nephew, you will never believe what kind of tea they were selling!" Iroh interjected, changing the subject, to Zuko's relief. "White dragon tea! I admit it did cost a pretty penny with it being such a rare tea, but it is so delicious it's heartbreaking." He held up a bag of tea leaves and opened it, breathing in the smell.
Zuko was about to open his mouth to chastise his uncle for spending so much money, but decided against it when he remembered he had almost spent all of his own money on the broadswords.
"Oh, look what I got, Zuko!" Aang pulled out a toy that looked like a propeller with a string on it. He pulled the string, and the propeller was sent spinning into the air. Momo jumped out of the Avatar's shirt to chase after it, and Zuko quickly ducked before both the propeller and the lemur hit him in the face. He folded his arms and frowned at the airbender, who laughed and jumped up to go pick up the propeller and shove Momo back into his shirt.
For some reason, the sound of Aang's laughter softened something inside Zuko, and he held back the irritated response he would have usually been inclined to make. Instead, he sighed, shaking his head. "It's getting late. We should find an inn for the night." He looked around to see the festival crowds had diminished again.
Iroh yawned, stretching his arms up above his head. "Good idea, nephew. I've missed sleeping with a roof over my head."
"Aww, come on guys! There's still a few tents I haven't checked out yet," Aang complained.
"No way. We're done for the night," Zuko said. He was cold and very tired, which was worsening his already lackluster mood.
"Fine," Aang pouted, taking one last dejected bite of his vegetable skewer.
Thankfully, they managed to find a comfortable-looking inn not far from the town square, and Zuko felt his body physically relax as soon as they stepped foot into their warm room. He laid out his sleeping mat and blankets in the back corner of the room, neatly smoothing out his pillow, and gently placed his wrapped broadswords next to the wall. He changed out of his outer robes down to the Kyoshi ones, which he had kept as his innermost layer. While they made poor winter clothes, he had to admit they would probably make comfortable pajamas.
He flopped down onto his back with a sigh, staring at the ceiling. It felt like it had been so long since he had truly gotten to relax like this. Aang seemed to have felt the same, as he had already fallen fast asleep with Momo curled up next to him on his own mat on the other side of the room, snoring softly. Zuko felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he looked at the scene.
"Anything on your mind, Prince Zuko?" Iroh asked as he entered the room and put down his own sleeping mat, startling him.
Zuko quickly looked off to the side, hoping that his uncle hadn't caught him staring at the sleeping Avatar. "No," he said, folding his arms, and was silent for a moment. He then sighed, unsure if he should actually talk about what had been on his mind all day or remain silent. "I just... Today was a long day, okay? The festival reminded me of a different time, a time when I was actually happy," He placed his forearm over his eyes. "And... I realized I'll probably never be that happy again," he finished quietly.
Iroh stopped what he was doing upon hearing this and sat back on his knees. "There is nothing wrong with looking back on the happy times of your life, nephew," he said kindly. "But you mustn't let yourself dwell too much on the past. If you live your life truly believing that you will never be that happy again, then you may not ever be that happy again."
Zuko removed his arm from his eyes and blinked in confusion at his uncle. "What kind of advice is that? That I'll always be miserable?"
Iroh shook his head. "It is important to remember that while you cannot control the past, you can control what you do and say here and now. You have the power to choose your own path, to choose what makes you happy. No one else can take that power of choice away from you. It's okay to listen to yourself, and what you want."
"Obviously I know what I want," Zuko shot back, growing irritated. "I want to regain my honor. Once I do that, things will go back to normal. And then I'll be happy."
"Will you?" his uncle asked calmly.
"Why wouldn't I be? I'd have my honor back, my throne."
"I'm curious as to what your definition of happiness is, Prince Zuko," Iroh replied, though his tone was not insincere. "Because recently, you have been the happiest I have seen you in quite some time."
Zuko sat up abruptly, temper now flaring. "I have no idea what you're talking about, uncle. You seem to have forgotten that we're in this situation against our will. Why would I be happy about that? I'll be happy when I regain my honor, and the only way I can do that is by-" he was suddenly interrupted by a snore, and he glanced over at Aang in a sudden panic, who was thankfully still fast asleep despite the unintentional increase in his speaking volume.
As his eyes lingered on the sleeping form of the airbender, he began to feel conflicted. That wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to feel like this.
Iroh had clearly seen the way he was looking at the Avatar. "After everything you've learned and experienced the past month and a half, is that truly still what you want?" his uncle asked softly.
Zuko didn't have an answer. Or maybe he did. But he was terrified to acknowledge it. "I'm done talking philosophy with you, uncle," he snapped quietly, turning around to face the wall. "Goodnight."
He heard Iroh sigh, and the room darkened as his uncle blew out the candles. "Goodnight, nephew."
When he was sure that Iroh had fallen asleep, Zuko carefully removed the blue theater mask from where it was hiding under his folded robes. He looked at it for a long while, thinking back once more to his childhood, but also about what his life had been like the past month and a half. And he thought about Aang.
Yes, he had a duty to his honor, to his country, but could he really just give Aang up to his father? Aang, who refused to hurt even the tiniest spider-fly? Who always wanted to see the good in people? Who was probably the best and only true friend Zuko had ever had?
What do I want? What will make me happy? These questions echoed in Zuko's mind over and over again. And he thought of the sound of Aang's laughter.
He shook his head violently. What is the matter with me? He held the mask close to his chest, curled up into his blankets, and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that a good night's sleep would clear his mind.