Two cases past. Occasionally I would catch Hotch's eyes lingering on me, particularly my chest or hips. The last three weeks I successfully ignored the urge to call him. He didn't call me either.
It was easier than I expected to fall back into line while at work.

Tonight the team was getting dinner; Hotch wasn't going to come because he has Jack, but JJ and Garcia begged him to come with the boy. They claimed they were overdue for Jack cuddles.
I hadn't actually met Jack yet; I was nervous for some reason.

I was running a little late due to Ryan being at my door when I arrived home. I mostly yelled at him until he finally listened and left.
I had two glasses of wine in the space of a half hour getting ready.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I ordered another glass of wine and found the team in the bistro. I sat in the chair left for me. "Sorry I'm late."

"That's okay gumdrop," Garcia smiled brightly at me, "You don't exactly live close."

"I would have been on time if Ryan didn't show up at my door."

"Slept with him, huh?" JJ shook her head at me.

I smiled, "No, I didn't. I mostly just yelled until he left."

"If you didn't sleep with him then why did you smile like that?" Morgan questioned now.

I shook my head, "I don't know. I didn't sleep with him!" I heard a giggle across the table and looked at Jack as he tried to share a piece of bread with Reid. Reid almost leaned away from him, clearly bothered by soggy bread. He was the spitting image of Haley, but when he smiled you could see Hotch's dimples. The way he smiled at Reid showed how happy a kid he was.

JJ pointed out that I hadn't met him yet and Hotch got his attention before getting him to say hi to me.
"Hi Emmy." He tried to get my name out, but three syllables could be difficult for a three-year-old.

I smiled, "Hi Jack," He gave me a huge smile and waved, "Oh, my ovaries." The table laughed.

Morgan slid a menu over to me and I skimmed over it before choosing a Caesar salad. I sipped at my wine quietly as they talked and I kept waving back at Jack every time I saw him waving to me. He smiled wide and giggled every time.
It must have been the sixth wave with Jack before I caught Hotch's eyes on me. I looked back and he smiled at me. I looked away quickly and then our meals arrived.

We ate in light conversation that didn't need to involve anything to do with work and it felt really nice. While I still didn't feel like a part of the team, I still felt included. Occasionally someone would ask the group something and I wouldn't respond, and then they'd speak to me directly to get my input. It made me smile.

"You know, I was skeptical when you first came, but you actually fit in so well with us." Morgan said to me once all the plates were cleared.

I laughed, "Gee, thanks."

"Could you be any more of an arse?" Garcia played with him.
She made him apologise to me and I said it was fine; I knew he didn't mean to offend me.
We finished the current drinks before we stood to pay and head out. I was at the end of the table and closest to the counter, so I went up first. When he asked which part of the meal was mine, I just decided to pay the whole bill; it was easier.
I returned to where they still stood at the table and let them know that I paid the entire bill, which they all couldn't seem to believe.
We weren't paid as well as we should have been. With the exception of Rossi, none of us could justify that much money on our salary alone.

"Where did you find the justification to pay a 350-dollar dinner bill?" Morgan laughed.

I smirked, "I am an ambassadors' daughter." I winked.

"Oh, she's loaded!" He joked as we all made out way outside, "Rossi 2.0."
Really, I wasn't. I kept very much to my own paycheque as well as the money I got from tenants of three houses I owned around Europe. Sure, I had a wealthy trust fund, but I never have and never intended to touch it. I had hoped that I would be able to pass it on to children, but it seemed that wouldn't be happening.

We said goodbyes and the others parted to their cars, which left me standing with Hotch alone. I went to say goodbye, but he spoke before I could, "You're good with Jack." I looked at his now sleeping son on his shoulder.

"He's an adorable little guy." I smiled and looked down.

"Well let's just say that watching you interact with him tonight was not good for the feelings we aren't developing."

I looked at him and tilted my head. I could see his offer in his eyes; he was going to ask me if I wanted to come home with him tonight. I spoke before he could this time, "Good night, Hotch."
I stepped past him and headed for my car quickly. If he had gotten his offer out, I may have accepted it, and I had no intention of being around while he had time with Jack.

The next case wasn't easy; I struggled to deal with the end of the case – we lost a victim.
I was quiet on the plane. I caught Hotch's eyes on me a few times, but I didn't look back for longer than half a second. I tried to get some sleep so no one would find my silence strange.
Tonight the pear of anguish nightmare appeared again. I woke on the plane the same way I had back the night we headed back home after that case.
The others all watched me from their places on the other side of the plane. I ignored them and dropped my head back, running my hands over my face.

As soon as we landed, I received a text from Hotch:

"Are you okay?"

I locked my phone again and dropped it into my bag even though he was only walking a few metres behind me with the majority of the team and absolutely saw me ignore him. Reid walked quietly beside me to the cars.
We headed back to the precinct and I didn't bother going inside; I just needed to go home and try to wash this case away.
Rossi and Reid went inside; JJ and Morgan went to their cars after wishing us all goodnight. Hotch didn't move from my side for a second and I looked at him, "I'm fine."

"Pear of anguish again?" He asked quietly. I just nodded. "Do you want me to book you in with—"

"No," I cut him off, "I don't need a therapist, Hotch. I'm fine." I took a step away to head for my car but stopped and closed my eyes. I turned back to him, "Do you have Jack tonight?" It was already 9pm, so I doubted he did, but I didn't know the dynamics.

"No." He shook his head. I bit my lip, trying not to ask him to come over even though it was all I wanted. "Please don't bite your lip." I released it immediately and looked down. I couldn't ask him; I didn't want to seem like I was too needy.

I looked back to him and smiled, "Well, enjoy your night off."

I went to turn away again but he caught my arm, "Emily…do you need me to come over?"

I raised one eyebrow, "Let's get one thing straight. I don't need anything from you. I am an independent woman who can take care of herself."

He fought a small smile; it irritated me a bit. "I just mean would you like my company tonight? We don't have to sleep together if you don't want to, but I can see that you're genuinely distressed either about the case, the nightmare, or both."

I just wanted to kiss him there when he said we didn't have to sleep together. I had to tell myself in my head that we were still in the precinct parking lot with cameras around. I let out a breath and smiled at him again, "If you would like to come over…I would not say no."

"I'll follow you." He headed for his car and I let out another breath before going to mine.

I saw his car behind mine the whole way to my apartment. When I parked in my designated park - he in the visitor's park - he followed a step behind me with his go bag on his shoulder.
I let us inside, turned the lights on, and grabbed a bottle of wine. I motioned to it to ask if he wanted a glass. I poured out two and handed him a glass. I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes as I sipped the red.
He sat beside me and watched me for a minute.

"You look tired." He said quietly. He was just trying to get me to speak, really. He seemed concerned.

"I'm always tired." I sighed.

We watched a movie while we finished off the bottle of the wine, as well as a second one. I made a small cheese board for us since I had the stuff in the fridge already. As much as I tried to fight it, we did sleep together when we went to bed.

When I woke this morning, I was laying snuggled to his side again, only he was awake this time. I went to move but he tightened his arm around me to hold me in place. I gave in; friends could cuddle, right?
He pressed a kiss to my hair and I closed my eyes before pulling away again. I got out of bed, wearing a lace teddy that didn't leave much to the imagination. I went into the ensuite and closed the door behind me. I went to the bathroom and then stood in front of the mirror for a minute, looking back at myself.
I had noticed that while I had rather frequent nightmares – pertaining to a case or not – I had never had one when Hotch was with me in bed.

I reluctantly left the bathroom after another minute. I sat back on the bed beside him and dropped back to lay down. "I'm sorry about last night; I'm sure you were not in a mental state for that." He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

I looked up at him and sighed, "We were drunk, it happens."

He was silent for a few seconds before he pressed a soft kiss to my lips, giving me ample opportunity to push him away.
I just pushed him to lay and rolled above him. I was surprised when he let me be on top; he didn't seem like someone who could give up that control in bed.

Another case opened and closed, and then JJ and Morgan decided it was time for another night of drinks.
After overhearing an argument between Hotch and Haley regarding if he could have Jack tonight, he confirmed that he would be there tonight. He looked tired and a hint of sadness swam in his eyes. I felt bad that his ex was such a selfish bitch.

Now we sat around the table at the bar in conversation and laughter.
I went to buy the next round of drinks and got stuck at the bar talking to a guy who was trying to get my number. His friends beside him laughed as I politely told him I wasn't interested and took the tray of drinks back to the team.
I returned the tray back to the bar and didn't look back at him when he tried to talk to me again.

When I sat back down, JJ and Garcia were smiling at me. "What?" I asked them.

"Was that guy at the bar trying to take you home?" Garcia asked.

"Just tried to get my number." I sipped at my gin and tonic and looked up again when I realised they still hadn't looked away.

"If the last two weeks, how many different people have you slept with?" JJ spoke now.

"Now what good could come from answering that question?" I laughed, and Morgan joined me. "Three."

"One-night-stands?" She asked for clarification.

"One I see regularly, one is a booty call for when the former isn't available, and one was a one-night-stand." I did not want to discuss my sex life with my team.
She nodded and continued with her drink. I suppose she was just curious.
We drank these drinks a little quicker that the last few rounds, getting a little tipsier as the night continued.

Hotch stood to get the next round. I met his eyes and smiled but was only met with an almost lethal glare. I got my phone out and texted him, asking if he was okay. I saw him check it at the bar and then slide it back into his pocket without replying.
I told the team I was going to help him bring them over because I couldn't see any trays around. I stood beside him and looked at him, but he kept his eyes straight. "Hotch—"

"Am I the "regular" or the "booty call" backup?" He looked at me now. He was so mad.

"You are the regular…what is wrong?"

"What is wrong? You're sleeping with other people!" He raised his tone, but he was still speaking low so no one around would take notice of the anger in his voice.

"Okay, please calm down," I placed a hand on his wrist, but pulled it away quickly after remembering where we were, "We never said that this was exclusive…"

"I didn't know it needed to be said!"

"Aaron, this is a case of poor communication. I'm sorry; I didn't know that you wanted exclusivity. I understand if you don't want me sleeping with anyone else, just say the word."

He looked at me and I watched him take a calming breath before speaking, "I don't want you to sleep with anyone else."

I nodded, "Okay, done. I really am sorry."

"It's okay. I'm notorious for being terrible at communication outside of work." He picked up four beers and I took three. We took them back to the table, ending our conversation from continuing any further.