After returning from our case in Fredericksburg, Virginia, the team wanted to get a few drinks. I think it was mostly because this case was a little tough on all of us, as well as the fear that history may repeat itself in the next generation as it had this time.
I declined their offer. Speaking with Karen Foley throughout the case left me upset and drained.

When I got home, I barely sat down before there was a knock on my door. I knew it would be Hotch. I opened the door for him and motioned for him to come in.
I sat back on the couch and looked at him, "Are you going to sit?"

"Uh…no. I need to talk to you about something," He stayed standing and leant on the wall across from me. I tried to profile him but couldn't get much until he rubbed his hands over his eyes; He seemed like he felt guilty. I sat back and pulled me legs up, still waiting for him to continue. "After Garcia was shot, when I went to talk to Haley?" He looked at me, although he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"I remember."

He nodded, "She talked to me about how she and Jack were going…and explained that she wished we had worked things out," He paused and took a breath, "She wants to try again. She offered for me to come home…and I said yes."

There was a lump in my throat after hearing the news, but I swallowed and tried to look as normal as I could manage. I nodded, "Okay."

"…Okay?"

"Hotch, she has been your wife for almost two decades. You have a son with her, and you're still in love with her. Of course you're going to go back if she offers." I looked up and saw him looking at me, confusion across his usually well-controlled face. "Just be careful. She left for a reason…maybe don't give up your apartment straight away."

He was silent for a few seconds, and then he spoke, "So this doesn't affect you at all?"

"We were just sleeping together," I shrugged my shoulders, "It was never anything more than sex and company."

"Right," He nodded, "Well our time together still stays between us." I nodded in agreement. "I will see you tomorrow." He pushed off the wall and let himself out.

I fell to the side on the couch and closed my eyes. If there was one thing I got from this situation, it was the sudden realization that I did – in fact – have feelings for Hotch.
I couldn't pinpoint when the feelings had developed, but him telling me he was going back to Haley was a like a knife to the heart.

I tried to fight the tears I could feel rising. It was always supposed to be casual, no-strings-attached sex. I shouldn't have let anything change. It was my own fault, and I would deal with the emotions fine on my own.
He had no obligation to even tell me what happened with Haley. All he needed to do was tell me that we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore.

It was obvious now that the few situations over our time together where I considered if he was developing feelings for me, were all misread.
I got off the couch and shook my head as the tears welled in my eyes. I tried so hard to keep those back. I would not cry over something so silly.
These emotions were inappropriate. Even if he hadn't been going back to Haley, we still could not have taken things any further.

We already took them too far.

I contemplated calling Garcia to see if they were still out but decided against it. Alcohol may cause a loose tongue, and if they asked me what was wrong or why my plans had changed while I was drunk, I may have slipped up.

I got my phone and ordered too much Chinese food, and then opened a bottle of nice red wine in the kitchen. I drank two glasses back straight away before pouring a third and leaving it on the coffee table in the living room.
I went upstairs and changed into sweatpants and a tank top, and then returned to my wine.

I got a sad movie ready for when my food arrived. This way I could cry over a movie and not over Hotch.
I sat down with the food and put the movie on, now moving onto the second bottle of wine.

I was hungover when I got into work today and it seemed to be obvious by the way Morgan teased me on the way up.
We were starting the day with a debrief of the last case, so we dropped our things at our desks and made our way in where the others awaited our arrival.
I sat down between JJ and Hotch and Morgan placed a mug of coffee in front of me.

"Bless you." I sipped it quickly.

"You look hungover. Who did you ditch us to drink with?" JJ asked.

"Me, featuring three bottles of wine."

Garcia looked concerned, "Why would you do that? You never drink that much on your own. What happened?"

With Hotch sitting right beside me, I started to feel awkward and embarrassed. I looked at Garcia and shook my head, "Nothing happened." I opened my file from the Fredericksburg case and looked down, clearly ending the conversation.

I could feel his eyes on me but I ignored it; when I met his eyes first entering the room, I felt my stomach drop and wanted to cry again. I wasn't sure if I could look at him and not show any emotion that would cause questions with the team.
I was upset, and as much as I shouldn't have been – I was angry. At him, at Haley, at myself. I was angry with the whole situation.

I never should have slept with him to begin with.
I wish he still hated me like he did prior to Milwaukee.

The debrief took two hours; it was a rather complex case. While we had all the small details, we still needed to connect some things so it all made sense and our files matched up.
I drank three cups of coffee before Rossi cut me off. When I tried to argue, he reminded me that it was my own fault or drinking three bottles on a worknight.
I settled for a bottle of water after that.

The rest of the day was just paperwork. No new case came in for us to travel to, just a couple of remote consults. JJ gave one to me and one to Reid to assist the locals, and it took the rest of my day to form that profile for them.
Once I faxed and emailed a copy through to them, I called the lead detective and awaited him to get what I sent.
I talked him through some points and asked if he had any questions.

When I hung up, I jumped when I noticed Hotch beside my desk. "Jesus, make a noise." I closed the file and stamped it complete.

"Sorry, I just need your report from the Jonny McHale case."

I got it from the stack of files I had signed off on today and handed it to him, and I still hadn't met his eyes. He lingered for a second longer before I heard him let out an almost inaudible sigh, and he walked away.

I heard Morgan's chair moving and looked to my side where he now sat in his chair. "What's going on between you and Hotch? The tension is thick."

I looked at him a second longer before I sat back in my chair, "Nothing, he just touched a nerve earlier when I was in his office," I lied, "It's fine. What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing Princess, why?"

"Want to come drink beer in my hot tub?"

"Absolutely I do." He didn't seem to even need to think about it.

"Great. Come by any time from 5:30. I'll get beer and snacks." He nodded in response and then rolled back to his desk.

I finished up one more file before it hit five, and I gathered my things to head off.
I wished the others a good weekend and headed up to Rossi's office to do the same. Hotch was in there with him, so I directed my words to him too, but I kept my eyes on Rossi. I saw him raise his eyebrows and look at Hotch a second before I turned to leave, so clearly he noticed my avoidance too.
I wasn't doing too great with keeping this awkwardness under wraps, apparently.

I went down to the parking garage and left quickly.
I picked up a case of beer and some potato chips, as well as the ingredients for a charcuterie board.

When I got home, I turned the hot tub on to warm up and I went up and put my gun in the safe. Then I had a quick shower and put a swimsuit on. I saw the faint hickey still on the top of my left breast from the shower after Garcia was shot; that one seemed to be taking longer to go away.
It was in plain sight in this bikini, but it wasn't like Morgan seeing that hickey would mean he suspected Hotch.
Hotch would probably be the last person he would think of. He didn't seem like the kind to person to mark a woman, although he definitely was. He loved it.

I made myself stop thinking about him as I wrapped a bathrobe around me and went back downstairs. Just as I reached the bottom of the staircase, I heard the knock on the door. I let Morgan in with a smile and he kissed my cheek. He had brought a case of beer too.

He sat at the counter island and broke open two beers as I started to prepare the charcuterie board.
The first few sips made me feel a little sick, a result from the previous night. By the time I finished the first bottle, I was fine.

He whistled at me when I took my robe off and stepped into the hot tub. I rolled my eyes as I sat down and made sure my hair wasn't in the water.
He sat next to me and we ate the snacks while we talked about work, and then lighter stuff.

"So why is there a hickey on your tit?" He asked bluntly.

I laughed at his choice of word, and sipped my beer again, "I think it's pretty obvious as to why there is a hickey there. It's a few weeks old, just doesn't seem to want to fade away completely."

"Is that maybe because your part albino?" He joked, laughing as he said it. I hit him lightly, but I let out a laugh too.

After we got through almost a whole case of beer, I found myself sitting closer to Morgan in the tub. We had started flirting heavily about a half-a-case in. Now I felt his hand massaging at the back of my neck lightly. I leant into it subconsciously. He gave me every chance to stop him and pull away as he slowly guided my lips to his. I didn't fight him on it, and we shared a few light kisses.
"This is a one-time deal." I whispered against his lips. I threw my opposite leg over him to straddle him in the tub and kissed him again, harder this time. It wasn't romantic or gentle; it was desperate and hard.
A few minutes of making out passed before he began to let his hands roam. He was hesitant at first, like he wasn't sure that was okay. I ground my hips against him to encourage him, and he gave his hands free reign.

Once my bikini was off and over the chair beside the tub, he moved his kisses down my neck and to my collarbone, and then the top of my chest. I let my hand travel down between us and into his trunks and he bucked as he took a nipple into his mouth. I moaned when he bit lightly, and then moved my hand over him.
He moved one hand between my legs while his other occupied the breast that his mouth wasn't on.
When I started grinding down on his hand to try and create more friction that I desperately needed, he pulled away from my nipple and whispered in my ear, "Out of the tub." I nodded and moved away, getting out of the tub and making my way inside, Morgan a step behind me. I didn't make it past the couch. He grabbed me and turned me to face him before pushing me to sit on the couch. He removed his trunks and I took the opportunity to remove my bikini bottoms. He got on his knees between my legs and put his tongue to work.

I woke with Morgan beside me in bed in the morning. I gave myself a while to try fall back asleep. When it didn't happen, I got up and wrapped my bathrobe around my naked body. I went downstairs and out onto the balcony. I turned the hot tub off, obviously forgetting to do that last night. I took the dishes and a few beer bottles inside and to the kitchen, and then put on a pot of coffee.

Morgan woke a half hour after me and came downstairs naked. I raised my eyebrows and he shook me off. He lifted his go bag from the couch, showed it to me, and then went back upstairs to get dressed.

"Do you want to go out for breakfast?" He offered as we drank coffee on the couch.

I looked at him at my side, "You don't have to pretend to want that. I'm fine with you just leaving and never speaking of it again."

"Alright, cool," He seemed relieved, "Well, I'm going to go home then, Clooney will be freaking out about where I am." He rinsed his mug out and put it in the dishwasher before walking back over. He placed a long kiss on my lips before smirking at me, "Thanks for inviting me over."

"I will see you on Monday." I smiled as I pushed him away. It went without saying that this wouldn't happen again and that no one would find out about it. Hell, the two of us would probably never discuss it again. I was okay with that. He was good, but he wasn't Hotch.

As soon as that thought came to mind, I got up and looked around at the housework that needed to be done. I needed to distract myself.